Ummm, buy them a bunch of booze and stop being a dumbass. The ”game” involves the spelling of make believe words and eating sandwiches. Joey Tribiani would have KILLED at that game.
STupid game, everyone still hates Brooklyn.
The next segment involves DJ and Ashley. DJ lurves Ashley but Ashley is “here for the game” and not into DJ and only sees him as a friend. Which means they’ll be naked by the end of this episode. As you do.
DJ shows Ash how much he likes her by hitting her in the face with his ball. Literally.
The next day everyone gathers for TJ Lanvin to slur his instructions and pick up his paycheck. The Challenge is a Puzzle Challenge, which is awesome because these asshats will totally eff this up. There is NO WAY they’ll figure this puzzle out. It involves a key, logs and a large hill. I anticipate much giggling on my part.
Did anyone else think of this log song with all this chatter about logs? Hee!
So the game gets started, and THEY’RE OFF! Slowly.
They all spend a long time at the “puzzle key,” which looks very very confusing and its kind of hilarious because you KNOW most of htem are going to get this wrong. Hee!
From the Puzzle Key, you go halfway up the hill to the log station. Everyone grabs a log and starts hiking up the hill. Everyone except for Team Brooklyn, who have a really great plan. Which is, figure out the puzzle HERE and then lug the logs up to the top. It’s actually really smart and I am impressed.
I would fail at every step of this challenge, to be sure.
Everyone’s exhausted and Devyn from Brooklyn has lost it.
When was the last time you saw a black lumberjack? Good point, Devyn. Good point.
So Brooklyn is now trailing everyone, but the biggest shock to me involves San Diego team.
Dude – Sam is GIRL! Which, okay. But I feel like an ass because I called her a twink. Sorry girl! Love your genderbending, but damn your attitude sucks.
I am pretty sure there are more lesbian lumberjacks. . . just sayin’
Sorry, but if I knew I was going to be on a show that would involve running, lifting heavy things, and physical competition – I’d get in shape. So shut up. You suck.
Her teammates are being total dicks to her, just screaming at her and being really cruel. She puts down her log (hee!) and refuses to move. She says “you’re not going to degrade me just b/c we’re in a challenge.”
There has to be some backstory to this, this seems like something was building to this point. Have they always been mean to her, you guys? I have to say, good for her. She may have been slacking but that’s no excuse to be a dick.
So, everyone finally makes it up the hill and San Diego is still yelling at each other. Cancun realizes they brought up the wrong pieces so they have to head back down. It’s hilarious.
Brooklyn proves their tactic was correct, because they finish first!
Never underestimate a black lumberjack, ya hear me?
So San Diego screams their way into second place. Seriously, the dudes on that team must be completely roided out. They just HULK RAGE at both of the girls, and I feel bad for any girl that dates them. Ew.
The last two teams left are the two man teams, St. Thomas and New Orleans. They’re hot, pukey and miserable.
And it’s St. Thomas for the win! Weird ass ginger boy dresses up as the ginger karate kid and declares that THIS is the proudest moment of his life. That’s depressing. But probably true.
This kid is creeping me out, and he is also the reason why people make fun of gingers.
Because Brooklyn won, they get to pick the team to go into the arena (lions? will there be lions?!) against New Orleans.
Brooklyn discusses it for about five minutes and decides that San Diego’s bad attitude should go into the arena and duke it out.
What do you mean, attitude? Nah, not us.
Also, Ashley tries to telepathically transport herself through the tv set and away from these asshats. Save me!
Actually Brooklyn sends in San Diego b/c apparently San Diego has been gunning for them. Fair play, guys. I can appreciate that. Also, they choose “Mental” instead of “Physical” for the challenge and I laugh my ass off. Because yes, these people are mental.
San Diego subsequently implodes. I have no idea what is going on here, except that possibly POSSIBLY Frank’s dreams of running his fingers through Zack’s Tarzan hair have been crushed, because after some weird back and forth between the two hulking roid-heads, Frank is crying. Now I am thinking that Zack’s proclimations that Frank is a pscyhopath is right on.
Okay, here I have to say I may have been completely wrong about CJ and Ashley. Because apparently CJ has written Ashley a love letter, and she promptly left it right next to the toilet. Wow, so CJ’s proclamations of undying love are the stuff of reading material on the crapper. Ouch.
What’s worse is that the group has found this letter and they’re writing a letter BACK to CJ from Ashley. Damn, that’s some immature mean stuff right there. I am all for the funny, but that’s just cruel. Not cool guys, not cool.
Now we’re back with Team San Diego and hoo boy! They’re not doing well. Sam volunteers herself to to into the arena because she didnt peform well during the puzzle challenge and then Frank backs out of going in for the challenge.
This causes Zack to FREAK OUT and he goes after Frank. Then Sam and Frank have it out, and Sam starts crying. So weird.
Okay so now we’re in the Arena and there are no lions. Just lots of weird headbands and chewing gum and hair gel. Booo!
So the players are chosen. For the ladies it Jemmye v. Sam and the guys it’s Knight v. Zach.
Frank douche-interviews that he doesnt care either way if Zach leaves and I am so confused because this guy was just crying about it. This guy is kind of cray cray.
The game is called “Water Torture,” and it involves some sort of pulley system, holding your breath and putting a puzzle together. It’s stupid. And obviously they’re running out of ideas. Hopefully nobody drowns.
So Zach and Sam start out bickering, but totally pull it together towards the end. Zach actually starts listening to Sam, and they start working as a team.
Jemmye and Knight are doing well too, and it appears to be neck and neck. I feel bad for these dudes dangling upside down for so long, that HAS to hurt.
And IT’S TEAM SAN DIEGO! Sam and Zach found a way to communicate, and his big hulking body sure didn’t hurt their chances. Oh, and Zach has this lovely message for Frank:
It sounds so tough when you’re hanging from the ceiling like a pig on a meathook, but whatever.
At the end of the show, Jemmye and Knight leave and Frank tries to kiss Zach’s ass and pretend he didn’t just try and throw him under the bus.
Gasmii, I have no idea what this kid’s issue is, but he creeps me out.
Anyway, thanks for letting me recap this show, I actually liked it kind of sort of. Okay, maybe it’s because Zach had his shirt off most of the time . . . but still!
Let me know what you guys think!