The Island Reunion: Who Spiked KellyAnne’s Capri Sun?

The Challenge

By Dr. McSteeny | Thursday, November 6, 2008 | 3:09 pm | 14 Comments
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What. The. Fuck. Seriously, what the fuck? ‘Nuff said.

reunion.jpg

This picture says the rest. Now let’s get the hell into it….

I’ll be totally honest, I had no intention of recapping the Reunion show of The Island. There’s only so much you can say about them usually. But this one. This one! Well. Something has to be said. Not a whole lot. But something. Just a few points:

1. Kelly Effing Anne. What was that? She had to be drunk. Sober people don’t just come out with a hostility level on par with POW victims. And they don’t use hand gestures like they’re filming the sequel to 8 Mile. They just don’t.

And Wes!? WES!? What in the ginger hell is going on here? She’s been drunk ever since she left the island. There is no other rational explanation. Unless she’s been sniffin the yayo. One or the other. Cohutta needs to contact the girl and reel her back in before she completes her mission to hate the world.

kela.jpg

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, I’m out.”

2. Evelyn looked beautiful. Seriously beautiful. She spoke eloquently and fairly. I can’t believe she made me like her.

ev.jpg

Who knew?

3. This Carlos character needs to replace Susie and Lindsey as the host of all the reunion shows. (Though he needs to speak a bit more slowly). Last time Lindsey was out there she was calling people by the wrong names. Repeatedly. He killed it. Viva la Carlos.

4. Johanna obviously has Jedi Mind Trick powers. Wes used to fall all over himself for her. Kenny appears to be well on his way smitten. And she’s sat back the entire time appearing indifferent at best. Not to mention the fact that she seems to have accomplished this with bangs. I’m not saying I’m jealous of her. I’m saying if she wrote a How To book I’d read it.

5. Why is it that Paula is the only person on the face of the earth who hyperventilates every time she cries? Does she have some sort of pulmonary disorder? Asthma? Something? How long ago was the show filmed? Why is she still crying? Did she bring the empty treasure chest home with her to sleep in? She’s a sweet girl, and I agree she got hosed, but what’s done is done. Get some oxygen and get over it.

6. Ryan telling KellyAnne she’s insecure and evil around girls… Robin nodding her head in the background in agreement…me having flashbacks to KellyAnne spitting on the glass wall of the phone room in Syndey. Dare I say Ryan is right?

7. Whatever diet Jenn’s eyebrows are on, I want it. Every time I see them they’re thinner.

8. Congrats to Dan for getting sober. I was sincerely relieved. Good luck to him.

9. Johnny should have apologized.

10. They need to do the challenge in this structure format every seasson. LOVES IT!

And loves you Gasmii!

14 Comments

  1. 1
    mrsc
    Posted November 6, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    Thank you Dr. McSteeny for an awesome season of recaps! This was the best of all of their challenges (to me) but your recapping talents made it all the more enjoyable.

    Kelly Effing Anne… that seemed like more than alcohol she had. WTF ?! I am embarassed for her. Wait, she’s dating Wes? Maybe drugs are necessary..?

    Evelyn… did look absolutely gorgeous sans a visor. She stayed classy the whole time. She made me like her. Dammit.

    Paula… boo-f’in-whooo. Basically she wanted $75K for nothing but friendship. There was no way those guys wanted her on their boat if they could help it. And how nice, she did make out with Dunbar. Can she go a single challenge without making out with someone? She grosses me out (but her waterproof mascara and eyeliner are very impressive.)

    Johnny… didn’t apologize because he isn’t sorry. Period. End.

    I wasn’t so impressed with that Carlos dude but maybe I was distracted by his HUGE mouth. My God.

  2. 2
    slutty_whore
    Posted November 6, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    I really hate Ryan. He’s the type of gay guy who is really bisexual, but since he is not an alpha male, he will use “friendship” to get in the girls’ pants.

    Wait, I take that back, he’s my idol!

    What I didn’t like was his trying to read KA when she was on her meds. It was like kicking a dog when she’s fucking Wes.

    As far as KA, if she wasn’t there, there would be no point in recapping the reunion. What I thought was rude was when she asked not to talk about her relationship with Wes, Johnny Bananas made his comment so everyone would realize who she was dating.

    And, moving on with the next challenge, NO QUITTERS.

  3. 3
    goosegg1001
    Posted November 6, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    This reunion was amazing!

    KA is nuts! She entertained me greatly.

    How about Johannas random comments. Everything she said was priceless!

  4. 4
    spacevenus
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 8:11 am

    KA was clearly drunk. Not that there’s anything wrong with it…
    Dating Wes is an entirely different story. Intervention?

    I thought Kenny seemed indifferent to Johanna, not smitten. Anyone?

  5. 5
    Mcsteeny
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 8:20 am

    Hello my lovelies:

    Thank YOU Mrsc!

    I’m very glad you posed this question to the group spacevenus! I’m really curious to know if I was the only one who got the smitten vibe. Granted, he wasn’t all about her in a Wes way, but I thought for Kenny, he was more visibly in to her than I would expect to see from someone like him. I think I was more reading body language than anything else. That, and the part where he said in response to if they are in a relationship he said, “maybe we’ll give it a shot.” I thought that was kinda big coming from Kenny, since his largest concern is usually trying to make himself look like a stud who is sought after. Would love to hear others’ thoughts on this though! Maybe on the inside I’m a hopeless romantic!?!?! Eh, maybe not. :)

  6. 6
    carmelicious
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 8:21 am

    I have to comment – most entertaining hour of television-reality-reunion-show ever!! Good Lord!

    1. What was up with everyone’s hair? Johanna’s bangs, Derrick’s balding, KA’s wig, and Paula, um..what the hell was that?

    2. Wes? Why, God, Why? (however it does explain KA’s erratic behavior, I can totally picture them sitting in his trailer, pounding PBR and hits of meth while Wes eats fried chicken and tells KA she can’t have any cause she’s too fat)

    3. I laughed out loud when Paula (said in the voice of someone with a collapsed lung) was like, “have I ever said anything bad about any of you?” and Ev was like, “uh, me!” and everyone was like, “well, you don’t count”

    4. Bananas could have at least tried to redeem himself, but I think he came across as even more of a shitter, and I honestly did not think that was possible.

    5. Still love Robin, and I don’t know why :(

  7. 7
    matzboy
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 10:37 am

    yeah, i’m pretty sure that kelly anne was on drugs…in fact, half of them looked like they were on drugs…robin couldn’t even open her eyes!!!!

  8. 8
    slutty_whore
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    I want a Crackhead KellyAnne doll.

  9. 9
    realityjunkie
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    I didn’t even make it past the first photo before I had to comment on the brilliantness of this:

    “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, I’m out.”

  10. 10
    McSteeny
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 2:30 pm

    reality junkie- so glad you got the reference :)

  11. 11
    zona9
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    I totally agree that Kenny is smitten like a guido-kitten with Johanna. He definitely had the body language and shit eating giggly grin of a man in deep smit. And, I’ll explain why…naturally pretty girl+cool funny girl=guys falling in love with her. Here’s a tip for ya, gals, don’t wear a ton of makeup. Most guys love it when a girl looks more natural. That doesn’t mean they won’t bang a fake boobed girl with a ton of makeup. They will, happily. They just won’t call her the next day. On Kelly Anne, I saw the extras on MTV and and it seems that before the show, Kenny started talking shit about how Kelly Anne gave Johnny a handjob or slept with him..it’s hard to hear. Anyway, Kelly Anne, unsurprisingly, got very angry. She also said in an individual interview that Kenny was every bit as nasty and awful as Johnny but that he said these things behind people’s backs-unlike Baby dick who at least had the decency to rage to people’s faces.

  12. 12
    here4beer
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 9:58 pm

    hahahaha…

    McSteeny, You have smoked yourself retarded!

    Great recap. KA was soooo wasted it was kind of scary. And Robin’s superlongextrasexy fake lashes were killing me! Especially since she had the left one glued on all wrong and it was half hanging off at the end. lolol

  13. 13
    hypnotoad
    Posted November 7, 2008 at 10:50 pm

    Oh. My. Gosh. I didn’t watch any of this season, but your recaps? Hi-freaking-larious. Read them all in one sitting. I did watch the reunion, however, and even though my Kelly Anne experience is limited (I stopped watching The Real World after Chicago), I will agree that she was totally tussin’ some robi.

    I yearn for the early days of the Gauntlet, when Sarah kicked ass. Good times.

    Here’s to hoping you recap the next RW/RR Challenge! And here’s to me shamelessly crushing on Johnny Bananas. I’m sorry, but there you go.

  14. 14
    carmelicious
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 6:46 am

    Flipit –

    Please tell me someone is recapping the new RW/RR Challenge!! Must Talk About the CT/Adam fight!! Why do I still find CT so hot even after he tried to kill someone? This scares me a little, like I’m going to turn into one of those women that tries to date Scott Peterson in jail or something :(

    Oh, last thing, how come Paula has the worst smokers-voice I’ve ever heard in my life, yet they NEVER show her smoking? Is this how she was born? Did she have a little baby smokers voice? Dude that would scare the fuck out of me if I were her parents!

    -C

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