The Challenge: Two Douchebags, Both Alike in (Lack of) Dignity

Rule #1 of the Challenge: Never, ever, under any circumstances, underestimate Landon. Yes, even if those circumstance include a partner who was the last girl in the draft pick and spent the night before having a slimy peanut butter girl fight with Ev that was every bit as disgusting as it sounds. Where was I? Oh, right. Landon. Even if those things I just said happen, he will still smoke all of your asses at the Challenge without even breaking a sweat.

Previously: Pete and Jill managed to upset Darrell and Pocahontas in Exile. This causes Kenny to realize how much power Wes has, and promptly start shitting his pants.

In a shocking twist, everyone is drunk and partying. Shit, man, I want to go on one of these things. Is there a vaccine for herpes yet? Anyway, we have our first major hookup: Sarah and her pahhhtnah (his pronunciation, not mine). Really, Sarah? I expect more from you than this meathead. Oh, well. He has actually appeared onscreen for 30 seconds without degrading women or being a douchebag, so I guess it’s all relative.

Meanwhile, Landon’s partner has apparently started a condiment fight with Ev. They are covered in slimy peanut butter and let me just tell you, it is beyond gross. Landon says it’s a shot to his confidence. Never fear, my little butterfly. Danny tells us that most guys would find two “broads” rolling around covered in peanut butter hot, but “This is disgusting.” Amen, Danny. You are almost never right, but even a blind man can stumble upon an apple tree in a forest.

Kenny tells us he’s never liked Wes and didn’t want to make a deal with him, but right now he needs to “play nice” with everyone. He says Wes is being nice for the time being because he needs Kenny. Wes tells us their lack of trust in each other means “anything can happen.” Like what, Wes?

Theresa is apparently really hot and really horny. She and some other Fresh Meat are discussing this. She can’t decide if she wants “beautiful” Kenny or “adorable” Wes. Because apparently these guys must always be connected by the same girl. Also, Wes is as “adorable” as a rabid albino pit bull getting beat with an ugly stick.

President Wes has called his minions to a meeting to choose their next victim. They throw out several names and Danny says he’s not afraid to go up against Landon, because he has apparently never seen a challenge ever. Wes, meanwhile feels totally in control. I can’t remember the last time someone was this blatant about being in control.

Wes and Danny let Ev in on the plan, which is CJ first, then Landon. Ev promptly tells them CJ is a free vote for them and it would be stupid to unload him and give Kenny the potential to gain the majority vote. She tells us what the alliances are, because they’re just going to spell out everything this season and leave nothing to the imagination. Wes tells us he and Ev are determined to take each other to the finals no matter what. Which is funny because Darrell told Pete and Jill to send Wes and Ev to Exile against each other, so he clearly knew what was up. Danny tries to sound smart telling Wes she “made a lot of great points” and Wes quickly shuts him up by saying she was completely right.

Challenge time! They have to take turns holding a weighted chest underwater. It can’t fall to the deck below and both teammates can’t be above water at the same time. The first heat is Katelynn/Brandon and Ev/Luke. Brandon can’t even pick up the chest and Luke doesn’t last much longer. Jill/Pete are in the next heat, but Jill has decided it’s not worth competing and she should just save her energy for the Exile. Pete is having none of that, and picks her up and jumps into the water. Which is kind of rude, but at least he wants to compete. I can respect that more than not even trying.

This leaves Sarah and Vinny alone in their heat. Sarah’s feeling confident, until Vinny can’t even make it down to get the chest from her. She stays down for almost a full minute before she finally has to give up. From the sideline, Danny remarks that Vinny won’t be getting any sex tonight. Indeed Danny.

Next up is Paula/Jeff and Landon/Carley. Paula and Jeff do all right, but Landon and Carley completely dominated. Everyone on the sidelines is shocked at how well Carley did, calling her a “wildcard.” In the next heat, neither CJ/Sydney or Wes/Mandi lasts very long. Sydney is pissed and Wes is concerned.

Danny/Sandy and Ryan/Theresa. Danny/Sandy surprisingly get the second best time so far. And finally, the last heat is Jenn/Noor vs. Kenny/Laurel. Jenn loses it for her team pretty quickly but Kenny and Laurel beat out Danny and Sandy to head into the final round vs. Landon/Carley. FYI, Landon and Carley lasted about twice as long as Kenny and Laurel did in the first round. In the deciding round, it goes back and forth for a bit but Kenny and Laurel both come up for air at the same time which gives the victory to Landon and Carley. This sends the alliance into a frenzy cause Landon’s apparently the only person not on it. Wes thinks Landon will go for either him or Kenny.

In the cold light of day, Theresa is rethinking her attraction to both Wes and Kenny. Wes wouldn’t respect her and Kenny would… be a slut, apparently. Ryan says that for her, Kenny’s just hot but there’s no substance. Ryan’s trying to talk her out of it entirely because he’s her partner and he doesn’t want to lose or make enemies. She tells us that being considered the “hot chick” is awkward.

The Brain Trust (Wes and Ev) decide to try to get Landon on their side to throw in Kenny. Apparently Landon “traditionally” refuses to make alliances, because he likes to play fair. Wes seems to convince him to join their alliance, and Landon appears to trust Wes for the time being. His first move as an alliance member will be to throw Kenny into Exile.

Kenny gets wind of this plan via Paula and promptly finds Wes for a little chat. Kenny tells us he feels powerless for the first time in 5 or 6 seasons. Kenny tells us he Won’t Get Fooled Again. Haha, this is the last time he’s ever going to show up without his Canadian Bacon for protection. Kenny tells Wes it’s now a dick-measuring contest. I’m assuming he means who can BE the bigger dick, because I can’t imagine either one of them actually HAS one.

Kenny tries to gather up his sad little band of rebels and get them to convince people to send Wes into Exile against him. Many conversations follow. Highlights include Kenny telling Wes’ partner that he’s playing a “scumbag game” and her countering with “Yeah, but… so are you.”

Then Kenny asks Landon if he thinks Wes will keep him around that long. Grinning ear to ear, Landon counters with “nope… longer than you, though.” Kenny looks so baffled every time someone brings logic into the equation. Also, I totally forgot that Landon used to have a temper until your comments last week. He seems to be properly medicated for now, though.

Exile Selection. Unsurprisingly, Landon sends Kenny and Laurel in, and thankfully she takes the news much better than Darrell’s partner. During the vote for the second team, a couple of Fresh Meat throw out random votes which sends Walnuts into mock outrage. How dare these new kids exercise independent thought! In the end though, it’s Sarah and Vinny.

Jenn tells us this Challenge is backwards since the “big dogs” and “power teams” are going after each other and leaving the new people alone. Well, that’s because no one is afraid of you in the final challenge, Jenn.

Sarah’s pissed at Katelynn for voting for her. Katelynn is pissed at Sarah’s know-it-all attitude. I do not care.

Kenny is also pissed, at Wes of course. Wes is just happy to throw Kenny in against a friend since Wes got screwed over on the last Challenge. Oh, please. I know he had sex with your ex-girlfriend on national television, Wes, but let’s not pretend KENNY was the mastermind behind these evil things that happened to you on the last Challenge.

During that night’s drunken escapades, Theresa is back on the Wes horse. (Not literally, yet.) We wants to know why the hottest girl falls in love with him every time. The question is, why do they all dump you promptly after? Kenny says he rejected her, so he doesn’t care if she moves on to “fuck the ugliest guy in the house.” Ryan thinks Wes will flip out if he finds out about Theresa’s crush on Kenny.

Ev is having a pre-Exile chat with Vinny and Sarah. They are confident. Vinny tells us that his teammate Sarah is the best girl there and if he can pull his weight they’ll win. OMG, complimenting a lowly female on a Challenge?! An almighty MALE concerned with pulling his weight?! What is happening?!

Anyway, Ev is angered by Sarah’s sense of entitlement, and accuses Sarah of picking her partner because she wanted to hook up with him. Ev’s probably just mad because MTV forces them to be in male/female pairs and she can’t do the same. Also, as Sarah correctly points out, Ev may be competitive, but she is paired up with a wheezy wet noodle.

TJ gives us a nice long explanation of Exile, which consists of walking up a mountain with weight racks across their shoulders and puzzles to complete along the way. Laurel’s competitive side is in full force as she tells the camera that putting them in will come back to bite Wes in the ass because they are coming back for BLOOD.

The teams complete the first puzzle and load up their weight racks. There are buckets on either end that swing around, making it harder for them to keep their balance but way more fun for us to watch them stumble around like Tonya. I’m sitting here making jokes, but this seriously looks TOUGH. These are all strong competitors, could you imagine Casey trying to do this?

Kenny and Laurel seem to have a slight lead pretty much the whole time. Kenny is struggling like crazy, though.

Laurel is standing up ahead yelling encouragement to him. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! This is at least the 3rd time this episode the girl has been taking the lead. This is like fucking Bizarro Challenge or something.

In the end, Kenny and Laurel win. Kenny tells us he loves Sarah because she’s loyal but now that she’s gone he knows he’s screwed. He claims to like a challenge, even though he’s never faced one quite like this before. Vinny says he loved his first Challenge experience and he wants to come back. Sarah is of course disappointed to be going home so soon.

Back at the house, there are obviously mixed reactions to the return of Kenny and Laurel. Walnuts is happy because he’s her only friend and she knows he’ll tell her what’s in the Exile. Kenny’s happy because he doesn’t think anyone can beat them in the Exile. He might be right about that, Laurel seems to be one tough chick. Not sure if any of the other girls would be much competition besides Ev, but Luke is as much of a threat as Kenny would be at a Mathletes competition.

So, this was more of a setup episode for the great Wes/Kenny War. Wes seems to have a lot of power, but Kenny could definitely win a challenge and throw him in. I am enjoying seeing girls who can actually compete for once, and not having to watch the guys degrade them constantly. Also, this Exile was completely anticlimactic because we knew from all of the previews that Kenny wasn’t going home yet. I’m kind of rooting for them at this point, though, much as it pains me to admit it. What do you guys think? Have you changed who you’re rooting for? I still love Landon. Jillian has one strike for not competing this week, but her partner seems cool so far. Anyone taking sides in the Wes/Kenny War?