A month ago I posted about the latest casting news for Bunim/Murray Productions’ latest masterpiece, The Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes 2, premiering this fall. Well, I’m happy to report that we have the final cast list up and running. And surprise surprise, it’s full of repeat offenders, migraine-inducing attention whores, and just generally annoying individuals. It’s like watching middle schoolers, but it’s sort of more pathetic because unlike middle schoolers, these guys are all, you know, in their twenties.Actually, scratch that last comment. Some of these people are in their thirties, like Real World stalwart Eric Nies, who returns for his umpteenth Bunim/Murray tie in. He’s not really annoying, per se. He’s just sad and lame. Come on Eric. Let’s pack this one up and call it a day. Maybe the good people at MTV will arrange a senior tour for people like Eric and Timmy and Puck, but instead of bunjee jumping and eating crazy insects, they do insane things like writing up a resume or visiting a career councellor.
Eric is joined by his old Road Rules 1 buddy Mark Long, who promises to have an even bustier chest than previous seasons. Dan, formerly of Road Rules Northern Trail, will be back again as well. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I hope this nice guy has dropped his ill-advised attempt at Los Angeles trendiness. Those of you with keen memories may remember Dan’s big sunglasses and weird facial hair on The Battle of the Seasons three years ago. It was terrible. Almost as bad as The Miz’s frosted faux-hawk. Almost.
Ace also returns to prove that he is not in fact the huge pussy that The Inferno made him out to be. I liked Ace a lot in his Paris season of The Real World, but even I couldn’t deny how completely lame it was for him to go scampering away after only three seconds in the Inferno challenge. Maybe he’s coming back this time because he heard there’s going to be an emphasis on oversized hats and goofy party-wear.
Giving Chris Rock a run for his money is returning yukster Darrell. Okay, maybe he’s not that funny. Okay, maybe he’s not funny at all. Okay, maybe a dinner theater in the Catskills wouldn’t even hire him, but at least the guy’s got… uh… gag costume teeth. Oh wait, he does have a redeeming quality. He made fun of Adam from RW Paris last season. Fantastic.
Shane from Campus Crawl will join the cast again, which is good because we’ll need his gaydar to help us figure out what the deal is with Challenge virgin Chris from South Pacific. For those of you unaware of what I’m talking about, a month ago, we stumbled upon a Friendster profile that had us scratching our heads about Chris’s true identity. You can check it out here. Speaking of ambiguously gay, Road Rules X-Treme duo Patrick and his sidekick Derrick fill out the men’s team. Look for a showdown with fellow master/sidekick dynamo, The Miz and Abram.
And now the ladies. If the men’s macho posturing is the appetizer, the women’s petty squabbles are the entrÃ©e, and quite possibly the dessert too. Reviled Real World LA castmate Beth (aka Osama Beth-Laden) is back to prove that she’s not entirely evil. Luckily, next to the likes of Veronica, Coral, and Katie, she’ll look like Mother Theresa. She’ll be joined by Genesis who hates the whole experience so much that she just has to sign up for another challenge.
Speaking of poo-pooers, brand new Road Ruler Angela has already found a Bunim/Murray afterlife in this season of The Challenge. Last night, in her Road Rules debut, Angela complained that everyone seemed really immature and frathousey and ignorant to the stresses of a real job, etc. Guess what Angela? The Challenge isn’t necessarily known for people with maturity (see Veronica) or working world experience (see Veronica) or non-sorority house behavior (see Veronica). So don’t act like you don’t know what you’re getting into.
Angela will be accompanied by current Road Ruler Ibis, who will undoubtedly try to work her way into the strange name clique dominated by fellow team members Aneesa, Ayanna, and Arissa. Sadly, the lack of double letters and “A”s at the beginng and end of her name will keep her on the JV squad with Genesis.
Last and certainly least is my old favorite, Tina. With a voice that sounds like a blue whale, Tina has terrorized the MTV airwaves for the past year. When she’s not trying to one-up people on their traumas, this motormouth is investigating new and annoying ways to get in your face. Sometimes I think it would be more pleasant to brush my teeth with a chainsaw than deal with Tina. Bunim/Murray’s only salvation for throwing her in our faces yet again is the mighty resurrection of Cynthia from Miami, who replaces the noxious Jisela (she backed out just before filming). This shrill but amusing woman will most likely be the only person on her team, and perhaps the entire show, who has any sort of brain. And that of course means that she’ll be voted off first.
To see a full list of the teams, check out TV Tome.