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Holy crap, fellow East Coasters. Hope you’ve been enjoying Unnatural Disaster Week- earthquakes and hurricanes and whatnot. Oh and West Coasters- we know you’re laughing at us, but when you’ve never felt the earth move before, it’s a bit disconcerting. Luckily Irene wasn’t quite the disaster that was predicted (in my area it mostly amounted to a lot of fallen trees, leading to a few days without power), but I know it was worse in some other areas and I hope y’all are doing well. I am incredibly sorry for the drastic lateness of this recap, but if it’s any consolation I’ve spent the last couple of days in a cold, dark land without internet or electricity of any kind- not even the ‘Gasm to keep me sane. But let’s get down to business.
Well here we are Gasmii, it’s the finale for real this time. Before we get started, Evan would like to apologize for falling down in Virginia last Tuesday afternoon and rocking most of the Eastern Seaboard. Also, in case any of you missed this little gem on mtv.com back in July, it is a must read. Make sure to watch the video also for an amazing trip down memory lane. It turns out Coral actually IS as awesome as I remember, and you get to hear some of her first impressions about a few people we still see a lot of to this very day.
Previously: Johnny and Tyler went from “bitter rivals” to butt buddies. Kenny and Wes are the only team left who genuinely dislike each other, and Kenny fucked up a few challenges. MikeRoy are the very definition of bromantic. Jenn and Mandi have big mouths. Laurel and Cara Maria appear to have shown the most personal growth. Paula was one of the losingest Challengers in history, so production dug up some cheap “beef” between her and Ev, thus giving her the best chance to win this one. Ev reminds us what a tall order she’s been tasked with. Jenn and Tyler got food poisoning, but decided to compete against doctor’s orders. We were cruelly teased with the first leg of the final challenge.
Thanks for reminding us of how much Paula and Ev hated each other the last time they did a Challenge together.
Phew! Got all that? Good, because this is so important that we dive straight in with nary an opening credits sequence. Kenny and Wes manage to catch up to (and pass) Johnny and Tyler despite their literally backwards-ass boat. Wes, naturally takes 100% of the credit. I giggle because someone (Tyler I think?) keeps yelling “Harder!” over and over again, and I have the sense of humor of a middle school boy. MikeRoy are bringing up the rear.
Ev and Paula, who have the lead at the moment, reach the first obstacle. It’s called “Pet Rock,” and it is literally a ball and chain (bowling-ball sized rock attached to a chain), which they must carry with them for the rest of the day. Paula reminds us that she has been to 3 finals and won zero dollars, so this is more about the win than the money. I should hope so, she could have made significantly more money in the same amount of time if she had a regular person job.
Laurel and Cara Maria aren’t too far behind, and CM decides to name their rock “Rocky.” I had a stuffed bunny named “Bunny” as a child, so it’s good to know an adult CM has the same creative abilities. Mandi is slightly ahead of Jenn and, after giving it a glance, runs right past the obstacle.
Guys, those roots may be a decoy. It looks like Mandi is a natural blonde after all. But please, for the love of God, let us NEVER find out if Wes is a natural redhead.
Luckily, Jenn has been around the block a few times, so she grabs it (despite being the sick one in that pair) and they continue.
Meanwhile, the guys have reached land. Kenny and Wes have a slight lead over Johnny and Tyler, with MikeRoy continue to lag a bit behind. When they finally reach shore, Leroy adorable asks for the $50 grand and if they’ve won. Their likeability makes everything they say funnier than if someone else had said the same thing.
The first two girls’ teams reach the next obstacle, which is a campsite setup that they need to memorize for a later point in time. Jenn and Mandi arrive to do the same, and Mandi takes her turn carrying their pet rock. She comments that it would be nice to have “Evelyn or Laurel” arms right now, although having Evelyn or Laurel as a teammate would probably be better. Be more selective about the fights you pick in the future, Mandi.
Kenny and Wes pick up their rock (for some reason, Wes takes the rock and hands Kenny the chain?) and head for the campsite. I love watching Wes and Kenny try to use their mushy little brains. Although honestly, this was pretty challenging. Tyler and Johnny aren’t too far behind, with Tyler reminding us that he has food poisoning and just kayaked three miles and then making the obligatory “carrying around a ball and chain- literally” joke.
The ball and chain is symbolic of your deep and sordid history with Johnny Bananas, Tyler. MTV is subtle like that.
MikeMike shows some awesomeness by immediately breaking the rock and wrapping the pieces up in what looks like his sweatshirt in order to distribute the weight. Things like this are why I hope they still have a chance. They reach the campsite and MikeMike seems to make quick work of the memorization.
Ev and Paula reach the next obstacle, titled Pile Up. This is your typical “move this pile of shit from one area to another” part of the final. This time, it’s a pile of dirt that they move with shovels and wheelbarrows. Laurel and Cara Maria arrive next, with Jenn and Mandi still bringing up the rear (of course). As Jenn starts shoveling, she comments that “This isn’t even a final. This is just manual labor.”
Jenn hasn’t done “manual labor” since she was giving out handies behind the middle school.
(Don’t tell her I said that, or she’ll… totally yell in my face!) Kenny and Wes still have the lead for the guys and arrive at Pile Up. Wes picks up a shovel of dirt and starts running away before Kenny stops him and says they need to use the wheelbarrow. I know it’s just the adrenaline and all, but does anyone else ever wonder how Wes dresses himself in the morning? Johnny and Tyler are still right on their hells. Paula has difficulty with the wheelbarrow and is already starting to cry, but Ev urges her to “keep it together, girl.”
Maybe MTV thinks that by flipping the shot, mirror-image style, she’ll turn into Bizarro Paula, who is emotionless and always wins Challenges.
Wes accidentally breaks their pet rock and is distressed for half a second before he decides to stick the jagged pieces into his socks. Thus proving that Wes ALWAYS fails the minute he tries to incorporate some sort of strategy. And also proving that Wes and MikeMike (who broke the rock on purpose and is carrying it safely) are polar opposite just like my feelings about them. Even KENNY tells him it’s stupid because he’ll tear his legs up. Dude, when Kenny knows you’re being an idiot, check yourself.
Paula and Ev, followed by Laurel and CM, finish Piling Up and then have to wade through some marsh. Laurel is ahead of CM, who reminds us that Laurel has ridiculously long legs because she is insanely tall. Or, as CM puts it, “my partner is a horse. And I love it.” Yes, CM, your love for horses has been well-established. Don’t worry, Wes is the only one who uses that as a stupid reason to hate you.
It’s now 2:30 PM. I think Paula and Ev got to this one around 1:30. I don’t know, I’m so used to never having any clue what time of day it is on any of these things (especially since the lights in the house never go out), that I’m forgetting to follow it now. Point is, they’ve been running this final for a few hours already, and it’s been some time since they had to memorize that campsite.
Meanwhile, Mandi has finally learned how the “Wheelbarrow” position got it’s name! Who said the Challenge isn’t educational?
After wading through the marsh, Paula and Ev have reached the area where they need to re-create the campsite they memorized. Apparently it’s a twist that they have to assemble the tent too. Laurel and CM are still close behind, and Laurel whispers to CM (who is busy assembling something) that this is important if they don’t get this and everyone else does. Paula and Ev are discouraged when the judge tells them that “it’s not identical” and they have to go back. Apparently it’s because their compass is closed when it’s supposed to be open? Shit, that is harsh! At least MTV is making them work for the prize.
Laurel literally starts jumping up and down with glee when she sees EvNuts heading back, but CM hilariously tells her “Don’t get excited.” And sure enough, they also get sent back. Laurel is disappointed because she considers herself “a leader on this team.” Well, I hope she can handle leading such a large group of people. Laurel says it’s her fault and she’s mad at herself and life. Holy crap, this is like Bizarro Laurel. Last season she blamed Cara Maria for every imaginable thing (honestly, she probably thought CM killed the dinosaurs), and now when her only options are blaming CM or herself, she lets CM off the hook.
Meanwhile, Jenn is still bringing up the rear. Good to know some things never change. Oh, and she’s crying. That’s different, usually she’s trying to make other people cry.
Jenn, it’s not your latest boy toy, you can’t just yell at it and expect it to obey. You have to pick it up. Get Mandi to show you.
Kenny and Wes finish Piling Up and put the pieces of their pet rock onto a sheet that they can roll up and carry. Kenny tells us the pet rock is the most annoying part of the whole challenge, which are big words coming from someone who is partnered with WES. Oh, now he makes the comparison between that ball and chain and his “red-headed ball and chain.” Just wait, Kenny. We’ve seen the previews, and we know what’s coming.
Johnny and Tyler finish the Pile Up as MikeRoy finally arrive. EvNuts get back to the campsite and somehow realize that the compass is the problem. I’m honestly impressed by this (and I read online that they had to undo and redo Pile Up too? If so, that’s insane). Laurel and CM get there and CM thinks she sees the problem right away, but Laurel insists on staying and memorizing every possible thing so that they won’t have to return.
You’d think CM of all people would know how to properly play horsey with her newfound big sis.
Kenny and Wes arrive at the campsite recreation and apparently neither of them knows how to pitch a tent. Kenny says he used to have a tent when he was 7… well, his brain hasn’t matured much since then, so it should be able to remember, no? Kenny then informs us that he’s from Jersey (NO SHIT) and Wes is from Kansas, so neither of them has been camping before. Then he wonders who the fuck goes camping? I don’t know, Kenny, you tell me since apparently you’re the expert on what states’ residents DON’T go camping.
Jenn/Mandi and MikeRoy finish the Pile Up and wade through the marsh. Meanwhile, EvNuts have arrived back at the campsite as have Laurel and CM. Basically, everyone is working on their campsites for the first or second time, and Jenn/Mandi ask for a check. They are informed that it is “not identical.”
That’s a little unfair, MTV. Both campsites… have… grass.
Wes and Kenny are finishing up their campsite when Wes starts dry heaving. Kenny, meanwhile, is fresh as a daisy and doesn’t understand what’s wrong with Wes. Wes informs us that he’s seeing stars and is concerned that he will be the weak link.
Laurel and CM are given the okay to go ahead first, followed by EvNuts (who kick their campsite into disarray before they leave so no one can copy them). Ev estimates that the other girls have about 10 minutes on them.
Wes/Kenny and Johnny/Tyler are both told that their campsites are not identical, and the editors helpfully inform us that the pots are wrong. Well of course they are, pots are a woman’s job! How could these all-important men be bothered with such silliness?
After (I’m assuming) a trip back to the original campsite, Kenny/Wes and Johnny/Tyler are giving the okay to go ahead. Kenny and Wes take great joy in kicking the shit out of their campsite before they leave. Mike proclaims that Roy is his “boy no matter what” as they await judgement on their campsite. They’re given the okay, although they must have been REALLY far behind if the others had to go back and still finished before them. Meanwhile, Jenn and Mandi are hopelessly helpless.
Laurel and CM arrive at Final Feast, and Laurel is excited because she’s hungry. So is CM. Paula and Ev are also there, and they all sit down to pig out. Paula tells us she’s already getting full when a brick of meat (no wait, she says, bigger- a LOG of meat) is placed in front of her. CM says all she wanted was to eat, but “Be careful what you wish for, cause you might just get it… and get it… and get it…”
You’d think these two would be better at erecting poles…
Kenny and Wes arrive at the feast and Wes informs us that he’s seriously dehydrated and doesn’t know how he’s going to eat all of his food. As they’re eating, he worried about “that fat fuck Tyler” catching up with them, which Kenny is already concerned about as he informs Wes to “eat the fuck up.” Kenny tells us he’s grateful for his New Jersey/Italian upbringing because he can “eat a feast like this every day of the week – twice on Sunday.”
… And the vomiting begins. I may gloss over these parts a bit as (like most rational people) I am not a fan of vomit. Most, if not all, of the girls throw up, along with Wes. Kenny is still sitting pretty and Wes asks him how he’s doing this. Kenny immediately replies “Because I’m not a fucking sissy” and asks Wes to give him some of his food to move things along. CM, who is the only girl I didn’t notice throwing up, calls Wes a pussy (AWESOME) and mocks him for not even being able to get through the salad.
LOVE IT. She is so awesome when she has Laurel’s approval so she doesn’t feel the need to waste her time desperately seeking it.
Tyler and Johnny arrive, and Tyler reminds us that he’s already done his puking for the day and is now starving. Johnny cracks to the rest of them that he bets they wish they had Tyler on their team now.
EvNuts are the first to finish eating, and Ev claims she’s going vegetarian. They agree that they never want to go on a hike or eat a steak dinner together ever again. I never want to be in a Challenge if it’s going to ruin steak for me.
Of course, Laurel and CM finish next, and as far as I can tell CM didn’t even puke. Impressive if so. She tells us she feels like she just finished Thanksgiving dinner and now has to head straight uphill.
MikeRoy finally arrive at the feast and the other guys are still there, so at least we know they’re not completely done for yet. Mike tells us they need to pack the food down as fast as possible, and looks like he’s about to throw up in his mouth as he says it. Leroy makes a crack about them finding out they’re not even eating steak, it’s dog instead.
What’s the matter, Wes? Not enjoying the taste of that humble pie?
Kenny and Wes finish eating and head out after Wes finishes vomiting. He tells us he was expecting to see TJ and his check, but instead he sees a “treacherous mountain.”
Oh hey, remember Jenn and Mandi?
“OMG, is that why they say ‘pitching a tent’ when a guy’s little friend comes out to play?!”
Mandi is learning so much today, you guys! Also, pretty sure the other teams were here somewhere around 2:30 PM. Mandi better not make a wrong move or Jenn will beat her upside the head with that stick.
Jenn says she doesn’t know what to do since she’s already cried and laughed. She says this is “so ridiculous,” and Mandi the Parrot agrees that it is “SO RIDICULOUS.”
Johnny and Tyler finish eating and head out with their pet rock tied to a large stick that is resting on their shoulders. Meanwhile, MikeRoy have begun vomiting and I literally have to block them with my hand because it’s so graphic. Poor guys, they look so miserable. I just want to hug them.
Kenny tries to hurry Wes along by pointing out Johnny and Tyler right on their heels, and Johnny screams out vague threats at them to hustle. Tyler likens it to stalking prey and calls them weak. Well, he’s right about one of them.
Wes collapses in pain. Apparently he has a cramp (what is he, a weak little woman?!) Slowly, Kenny turns around and notices this. ”GET THE FUCK UP!” he yells menacingly. Well as menacingly as Kenny can yell. He’s generally not too intimidating, but he’s pretty pissed right now. Kenny asks Wes if he realizes what a <bleep> he looks like. I assume he said “pussy,” but I don’t get any captions so it’s hard to tell. Wes does look pretty pathetic though.
Wes is whining about his hamstring so Kenny yells at him to stretch it. Kenny tells us that at this point he wants to rip Wes’ head off of his neck and throw it off of the mountain. Well, most people want to do that within 20 seconds of meeting him Kenny, so congrats on your restraint.
Anyway, Wes is unable to get up so Kenny says he’ll carry him. Wes doubts that Kenny can do this, but Kenny insists that he can. And suddenly, Wes is able to stand up. Kenny picks Wes up LIKE A BOSS and throws him over his shoulder like he’s no bigger than their pet rock. ”Well, ladies and gentlemen,” Kenny says to us, “just when you thought I couldn’t get any more amazing.” It is seriously badass.
It turns out there is no Greek god of failure, so I nominate Wes. You may remember that he is, in fact, a Greek god, and he’s certainly not the god of humility.
Congratulations, Wes, you’ve achieved a level of humiliation normally reserved for those weakling females in final challenges. Except, wait, none of the females are collapsing. (And listen, I’m not saying this final is in any way easy. I’d probably be back with Jenn and Mandi if I were there. However, I would not have spent the entire season claiming to be a vastly superior physical specimen.) Even Johnny is impressed by this, although it’s unclear if he’s impressed with Kenny or how spectacularly Wes is fucking up.
Also, Wes is grunting with every step Kenny takes, and Kenny is barely making a peep as he continues to hustle up the mountain faster than Wes was able to move on his own. Wes tells us he’s been picking up Kenny’s slack, and now it’s Kenny’s turn to pick up his. First of all, Wes, that rope-climbing Jungle is the only time you alone saved Kenny. Second of all, if he helped you eat your food, that would be picking up your slack. The fact that he carried the pet rock all day? Picking up slack. Literally carrying you straight up a mountain and still moving faster than you could yourself and barely breaking a sweat? Slighting beyond picking up slack.
Johnny is also stopped with a cramp, but Tyler calmly tells him to rub it (not like that you perves!). MikeRoy finish eating and MikeMike claims that they have a “real shot” at making up some time.
Oh, MikeMike, please never lose that adorable optimism.
MikeRoy head out, but both are miserable at this point. Holy shit, Jenn and Mandi finished their campsite! WTF, did not see that coming.
The other girls’ teams are STILL climbing up the mountain, and Paula says TJ and his horn have to be around there somewhere because she can’t imagine how much longer this can go. Meanwhile, Wes is walking on his own again, but Kenny is still concerned about Johnny and Tyler, who aren’t far behind.
Paula and Ev are the first team to reach Sleep or Stand. Ev is shocked to learn that they will be spending the night out on the mountain, and Paula looks like she’s going to start crying again. Basically, the rules appear to be that one team member has to stand on a pile of rocks while the other one sleeps. If the rock-standing partner falls off, he or she has to go wake up his or her teammate. They alternate throughout the night. It says they switch every hour, but it didn’t look that way to me.
Pretty scenery shot of the week. I’m going to start being more of an asshole and see if it gets me any free trips.
As the sun sets, Ev wonders if all of the teams will even make it up. Walnuts says a challenge has never lasted this long and she doesn’t know if she has it in her. Laurel and CM arrive and are confused to see EvNuts just chilling on some rocks. They then read the next part of the challenge and are equally surprised. As they wonder what happened to Jenn and Mandi, we see a producer stop them and tell them it’s too dark to continue, so they are disqualified. That poor producer so did not want to be on camera, but Teej was too busy waiting at the top of the mountain.
Jenn tells Mandi that they played a hell of a game, but they “couldn’t quite get the final out.” This seems to be a recurring problem for Jenn, since this is my third season of recapping and her third consecutive final of coming in last place and not winning money. Jenn says after everything she’s “been through,” she’s sad she won’t get to see who wins, but the only reason she went this far in the final is for Mandi. Jenn tells Mandi, “You never disappointed me. I can say that.” As if that is some tremendous compliment.
“Like all challengers, your self worth is based solely on my level of approval, right?”
Mandi says she wouldn’t take any of it back, and then reminds us that she hooked up with Wes. Mandi may have hit her head harder than we thought back in that first episode. (Hey, remember that? It feels like a million years ago, even though this season was only 10 episodes.) Mandi then informs us that she and Jenn are not BFF’s, but Jenn is very special to her. Congrats, I guess.
Kenny and Wes reach the rock challenge, followed by Johnny and Tyler, and of course none of them can believe it either. MikeRoy are hiking in the dark, with the only light appearing to come from the production equipment. Holy crap, do the cameramen have to climb this mountain too? Or do they just have a designated area to cover?
MikeRoy finally arrive, and Johnny is impressed but downplays it by saying they look like death. Leroy explains the rules again, and it seems like one player has to be standing on the rock while his or her teammates sleeps. If neither is standing on the rock, they both have to be awake.
They take their positions on the rocks and they’re so delirious that they can barely stand up, let alone balance on a small pile of rocks. It’s entertaining to watch. A few people seem to get some sleep while Wes lies awake listening to Kenny tell his fellow rock-standers how pathetic Wes has been in this final. CM in particular smiles at this news, and after the shit Wes has tried to give her, she’s earned it.
Kenny gets off of the rock and heads over to Wes, who says he hasn’t slept at all because his <bleep> is contracting (no clue what that bleep was for). Kenny offers to go sit by the fire with him. Wes calls Kenny out for telling everyone about his struggles, and Kenny says they know because they keep catching up. Wes tells us that Kenny is like a “very bad, abusive father,” and Wes doesn’t want to admit how badly he’s hurting. First of all, how utterly unsurprising that Wes apparently has daddy issues. Second of all, he’s already admitted to muscle contractions, throwing up, and spinning. Is there more that he isn’t telling Kenny?
A bunch of the finalists sit around the fire as Johnny claims this is the most difficult thing he’s done in his entire life. Considering a third of his life has probably consisted of doing Challenges, that might make this the toughest Challenge ever. He tries to tell MikeMike that what he’s accomplished is impressive, but MikeMike interrupts him by vomiting loudly. HERO.
It’s okay, MikeMike, Johnny makes most people sick to their stomachs.
Mike and Wes take turns vomiting while Tyler reminds us that they have another whole day of competition, but everyone is already “broken.” Wes says they’ve been canoeing, running, and exercising their brains. LOL, what brains? Poor MikeMike says his whole body feels like a rock, he can’t move, he’s seeing dots, he’s miserable. Honestly, he’s the only one here who doesn’t work out on a regular basis or train for things like this, so it’s really impressive that he was able to pretty much keep up.
MikeMike falls off of the rock and apologetically wakes up Leroy, who is of course good-natured about it. He climbs up on his rock and comments on wanting macaroni and cheese, which sends Kenny and Johnny into a fit of giggles. Gotta love 5 AM delirium. Also, this is a good time to mention that I am so glad the douches seem to love Leroy, because it bodes well for his future in challenges. Even better is the fact that Leroy sees right through them and knows how to play them the way they play everyone else.
The sun comes up and Teej arrives to spout some instructions. He congratulates the girls for being guaranteed money since Jenn and Mandi were DQ’ed.
“Let’s hurry up and get this over with before all of this fresh air clears up my purple haze.”
TJ tells them their next challenge will be in two parts: Hike to the top of the mountain (yes, that’s right- after an entire day of racing, there is still a lot more mountain to climb), find their team’s avalanche beacon, and use it to find a key with a GPS locator. They key will open up the lockbox containing their trophies. The teams who came in first the day before will get a 2 minute head start, second place teams get one minute, third place good luck.
I feel I should mention that Leroy is adorably rubbing Mike’s shoulders during this to get him motivated. Also, their entire first day of frantically running around like mad men and women was all for a TWO MINUTE head start. Better to come in 3rd and just use it all on the final push. Oh, and after Johnny brings it up, Teej tells them they don’t have to bring their pet rocks.
MikeMike tells Roy Lee that he can’t go up the mountain. Roy Lee tells us Mike is smart and has a lot of heart, and he doesn’t want them to give up. Of course, Mike doesn’t want to let his boy down.
EvNuts get started, and two minutes later so do Laurel and CM. Laurel says she (like everyone) knew that this would be between these two teams. Kenny and Wes head out, followed two minutes later by Johnny and Tyler. But when Teej calls for MikeRoy, they sadly inform him that they are too worried about MikeMike falling and hurting himself to continue. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You guys, I can’t even tell you how sad this makes me. They were SO CLOSE to finishing this! TJ says he would “normally clown” Mike, but this is really dangerous and he knows it’s killing Mike to sit out. HOLY SHIT, you guys. MikeRoy’s awesomeness is so all-encompassing that it overloaded the Teejbot’s ONE consistent setting- “must mock quitters.”
Also, if TJ thinks he qualifies as a “clown,” he must have had the lamest birthday parties ever as a child.
Teej tells them they’re both great competitors and he could see them winning in the future.
If MikeMike returns for another Challenge, we have one request: for the love of all that is holy, MORE PUZZLES.
Leroy says he thought he would have a good run on his first Challenge, but he never imagined making the final. He says Mike’s intelligence and his strength made them a great team and they deserved to be there. Mike says he’s met crazy people and done crazy things, and he’s proud to have made it all the way as a rookie.
Gasmii, I think this is the continuation of a beautiful friendship.
EvNuts are climbing desperately. Wes says Kenny is finally being a good leader and staying positive. Montage of rock climbing and everyone being neck and neck with each other. Notably, Wes tells us “I’m neck and neck with these guys,” because he’s reached the final challenge and STILL hasn’t realized that this is a team challenge.
Everyone reaches their GPS devices and begins the frantic search for their keys. Johnny and Tyler find theirs first, but Kenny and Wes find theirs soon after. They’re all running to the top of the mountain and Kenny is screaming for Wes to hurry up, but Johnny and Tyler are too far ahead. They get their trophy and they have won. I honestly could care less. Tyler is very touched by the fact that Johnny let him open up the trophy case. They’re not only BFF’s now, they’re brothers.
Apparently EvNuts have also found their key and open their trophy case. Ev lets Paula open the trophy and have her moment. Paula screams in delight and they hug. I was leaning towards wanting Laurel/CM to win, but I’m still happier about this than Johnny/Tyler. Ev is awesome and at least now Paula can’t whining about never winning anymore. (Hey, you know who else has never won a Challenge? C-fucking-T. Yes, that’s right. Except how would you know, because he never even mentioned it.)
I suppose anyone would be happy not to be tied with Robin as the losingest Challenger in Challenge history. I mean, who wants to share a title with Robin?
Paula says she couldn’t have done it without Evelyn. Well, at least she’s aware of that. She says they’ve always worked against each other, but they make a great partnership. Ev claims that Paula will always be her number one choice of teammate, because any time anyone had doubts, she stepped up and proved them wrong. She adds that she could not possibly have won without Paula by her side. Wow, Ev is really laying it on thick. I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or just trying to use reverse psychology on MTV/Bunim Murray so they’ll never pair her with Paula again.
Not so lovey-dovey are Kenny and Wes, who started this episode as the only team who still didn’t like each other and are finishing it the same way. Kenny is yelling at Wes for fucking it up. Wes says Kenny needs to understand that friendships and partnerships are give and take, and that’s why Kenny is not good at life. While I’ll agree that Kenny is overreacting, Wes is just such a fucktard that I don’t feel bad for him, so whatever.
Taking their second-place finish much better are Laurel and Cara Maria, who are celebrating almost as much as the first place teams. Laurel tells us that there’s more to the game than just winning, and she and CM have been through so much together, which has been a huge lesson for her in acceptance. It’s like I don’t even know her anymore.
Looks like we have Bizarro Laurel, too. Who are you and what have you done with Hulkel?!
CM says they’re great friends now who have each other’s backs, and she’s proud of them. They’re either really good reality TV actresses or they actually did grow up a little and become friends, so good for them. It certainly seems like they’re the ones who have come the farthest this season.
We get a season montage as Paula tells us these Challenges are “delicious.” She enjoys going to a foreign country and acting like an idiot with her friends. CM tells us to choose our enemies wisely, because “you never know when you might need them.” Good point. In that case, I love Wes, and hate Ev.
And there we have it, Gasmii! We’ve survived another season and, more notably, no one has to put Walnuts on suicide watch this time! Are you guys happy for her? I am, although I would have been happier if she didn’t side with fucking Wes in that stupid argument. I honestly didn’t care who won for the guys if it wasn’t MikeRoy, although Kenny’s the most tolerable of the other four. And yes, I found his badass final performance pretty hot, and I can’t be the only one. Were you guys satisfied with the results? Do you wish MikeRoy had tried to finish? Did you think Jenn and Mandi would flame out as fast as they did? Did you enjoy watching Wes suffer?
See you in a few days for the Reunion recap!