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Tuesday, February 7, 2006
4:15 pm
37 Comments
I gotta say, I’m a little shocked by the most recent episode of The Gauntlet 2. There was no random yelling, no petty squabbles, and no gossipy conspiracies. What the hell? This is supposed to be The Real World/Road Rules Challenge, not the battle of normalcy. Alas, we had a good run, didn’t we? And I suppose not even the most seasoned of reality stars can provide drama 24/7. As a result, we had a rather tame episode — one that put both the challenge and the Gauntlet in center stage. The bad news: it wasn’t totally exciting. The good news: looks like we’ve got more Cara/Suzie/Kina bitchiness next week.Last night’s episode started off with soon-to-be humpbirds Alton and Jodi talking wistfully about the team and Kina and friendship and blah. I personally hoped they’d discuss what the deal was with Alton’s gaping knee wound — could someone dress that? I can already smell the gangrene. Anyway, as the two babbled away, Jodi told us in an interview, “I just enjoy Alton’s company.” C’mon. You want to jump his bones. Just ‘fess up already.
“Doesn’t hurt that he’s hot too,” Jodi then added. There we go. That’s the horny Jodi we know and love.
Elsewhere in the Bunim/Murray compound, Beth and Syrus commiserated about their situation. No, they weren’t comparing their Medicare packages. They were kvetching about the Veteran team’s inability to get it together. “Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not giving up on anything,” Syrus then told us. Hmm… Sounds awfully optimistic — in stark contrast to his woe-is-me remarks a few weeks ago. This sort of change in attitude can only mean one thing: Syrus is totally a goner.
Anyway, over in the Kitchen of Trinidad and Tobago, most of the cast was assembled around a table, perhaps having just dined on a fine meal of penne alla vodka, hold the “penne alla.” Robin was the lucky lass to receive this week’s clue on her T-Mobile Sidekick, and after having read it aloud, she urged, “Let’s get buckwild!!” This caused MJ to shake and writhe his moptop like an epileptic Sideshow Bob, and hey, Derrick’s dumb periwinkle hat made a surprise second appearance! Yay for sartorial stupidity!
The next day at the challenge, the teams encountered a large contraption that was in effect a mechanical bull simulator. Basically, one team would sit on the thing while the other team would yank and pull on some bungee chords in an effort to create the bucking motion. Riders would be unable to hold on with their hands, and after thirty minutes, teams would switch places. Whoever knocked off the most people would win.
The rookies hopped on first, and at the sound of TJ’s horn, the Veterans began pulling aggressively, almost as if they were operating some sort of human elevator system. Well, despite all tugging and whatnot, the Rookies were barely moving at all. Sometimes there would be a surge of motion, but nothing particularly jarring. As Suzie put it, the whole experience was really a “quite mild ride.” And to prove it, Suzie even flapped her arms like a bird. Oh, you know that rankled Derrick. If only he could have smothered her with an effeminate, knitted cap!
Well, the Veterans pulled and pulled… and pulled some more, but nothing was working. “It’s just a bunch of drunk ferrets. No one’s working together. We can’t budge these people at all,” Timmy scoffed. You know, I’m not sure if sober ferrets would be much better. Just saying — they’re not known for their group tugging skills.
Anyway, we then went to commercial, which meant we got to see the first of several annoying “drop” spots for the latest Interpol wannabes, She Wants Revenge. How about She Wants Originality? Heh. Indie dis.
Okay, back to the show. We returned to the event, and guess what? The Veterans still couldn’t knock off those stolid Rookies. It was only a matter of time before some minor snipping took place. “You’re talking so loud, they can hear things,” Katie complained to Robin, who retorted, “They’re two feet in front of me. What do you want me to do??” And that, my friends, was the most intense moment of the challenge.
A little later, David tried to convince us (or perhaps himself) that his team could succeed. “I think we’re all college-educated, pretty smart guys,” he said. Eh, let’s not flatter yourselves. Just because Derrick’s said the word “college” doesn’t mean that he’s actually “college-educated.” And besides, if you guys are so smart, how come none of you are trying any sideways motion to knock these people, you know, off balance?
Well, the veterans eventually gave up, causing Timmy to announce what we knew all along: “We’re a bunch of IDIOTS!” True, and yet you’re all receiving thousands of dollars season after season. Really puts the American Dream/Protestant work ethic correlation into perspective, doesn’t it?
Anyway, the Veterans then climbed onto the apparatus, with Syrus needing extra help getting his fat ass up there (bad sign). The Rookies then began pulling, and like their opponents, they had very little success. But then Jodi suggested some sort of strategy that seemed to employ sideways motion (we never really found out the details), and before we knew it, old man Syrus was going, going, GONE! The big guy fell off the bucking bronco (or lightly moving cylinder, rather), causing his team to lose.
Oops.
All the Vets were sad, but none more so than Beth, who feared this could be the end for her only friend. Well, at Gauntlet deliberations, Syrus didn’t pull an Ace and volunteer himself. Instead, he babbled on and on in an effort to basically say, “Hey, I know I fell off, but we all messed up if you think about it.”
“Now, it is what it is,” he said. “It was a tough event. There was a strategy that no one figured out. So it was what it was. It was a situation where we didn’t think quick enough, we didn’t figure it out, and that’s just what it is.” Translation: it wasn’t me.
Never one to take things too seriously, Derrick stood up and scowled, “I hate this. I don’t even want to say names. I don’t even want to do that, dude. I can’t. Because I f*ckin’, I like everyone too damn much.” Hey Derrick — it’s just a game. Lighten up. Do you want your knitted cap? Will that make you feel better?
Well, surprise, surprise — Syrus was chosen for the Gauntlet, and if that didn’t blow your mind, the event was… CAPTAIN’S CHOICE!! Why, I never would have expected! Derrick obviously picked his favorite challenge, the beach brawl — come for the oil, stay for the homoeroticism. But with Syrus seriously outweighing the scrappy team captain, might this be the end of the line for Derrick?
“I’m thinking that Derrick doesn’t have much of a chance of winning,” David commented. Okay, so that means Derrick will probably win. Chances of Syrus losing: 80%.
“I think this is gonna be an event that I can beat Derrick in,” Syrus then said. Chances of Syrus losing: 90%.
Later, Alton and Jodi couldn’t believe that Derrick had chosen Beach Brawl. There’s no way he could beat Syrus at that. Chances of Syrus losing: 93%.
Now, if Derrick then said, “I can definitely beat Syrus,” I would drop the percentage, but instead, he said, “I might be going home today.” Chances of Syrus losing: 99%.
At the Gauntlet, the guys got all oiled up (making Syrus look ravishing), and just before the wrestling began, Suzie gave us that last little bit of assurance that this would be Derrick’s day. “I think this might be Derrick’s swan song,” she said. Chances of Syrus losing: 100%.
Well, the two guys entered the circle of man-touching, and right out of the gate, there was controversy. Derrick quickly drove Syrus out of the ring, but that’s because Syrus was spending more time protesting that Derrick’s hand was already on him. TJ would have none of it, causing Syrus’s temper to reach new, scary levels. On the second round, Syrus proved to be more of a threat, but while he had lots of mass, he didn’t seem to understand the whole concept of “staying low.” And so, Derrick was easily able to push Syrus out again.
“HIS HAND’S OUT!! HIS HAND’S OUT!!” Syrus yelled, but again, his protests landed on deaf ears. “MAN, F*CK!!” he finally shouted. Amazingly, he won the next round, which caused Derrick to revert to the playground complaining: “YOU were down FIRST!” But buck up, Derrick. This is your event. Sure enough, Derrick managed to push Syrus out of the ring, therefore sealing a victory and sending the big man home. Wow, didn’t see that coming!
Well, this led to a short and inconsequential goodbye sequence where Beth cried and worried that she might not have the strength to go on. Please, Beth, for the sake of us viewers, find that strength. Later, we moved back to the bar where we found Jodi and Alton grinding up on each other.
“Alton and I both just enjoy being around each other,” Jodi then told us. Okay, seriously. Stop with the politeness. Just go hook up already.
The two then had an extremely deep conversation about love, with Alton noting, “Like love is a weird thing. It’s… it’s one of those things. It’s not like being drunk and then being sober.” Yeah, man. So true. By the way, what is this “sober” concept you speak of?
Alton then told us “As of right now, me and Jodi are just building a real relationship that will last beyond Tobago.” Sure… Whatever. All great relationships begin in a dusty corner of a Caribbean bar. And as the show drew to a close, we then saw the two making out against the wall. Ah, a romance of the ages…
What did you think about this week? Were you rooting for Syrus or Derrick?
37 Comments
I’m first, I’m first!
That damn Derrick is crazy. I was shocked he beat Syrus in beach brawl.
Thee pisode was very boring. Hopefully next week, Kina gets sent home with her ugly self.
can we please see something other than Reverse Tug of War and Beach Brawl???
(not that I don’t mind seeing Derrick all oiled up…but really. MIX UP THE GAUNTLET)
Jeremy has to be going home soon. I mean, he’s practically invisible already.
And so much for the Vets having the benefit of experience!!
oops…should have been “not that I mind seeing Derrick oiled up”
More homo erotic moments from the Gauntlet. I am convinced a cameraman/woman is in love with Landon, we see so much of him, even when he is not part of the story.
How much do we all hate Julie? I have hated that bitch for years. Someone, please kick her A$$!
KH
^ i thought i was the only one who hated that butch bitch! send her ass back to the hole she crawled out of!
My first thought was Syrus will be the first one to fall off. My second thought was why didn’t they stick his large ass closest to the middle of the contraption- he could’ve fallen back instead of off.
This show needs to start having some real competitions – these challenges suck! Bring back my bitches!
correct, boring episode. can we get to the next bitch match of some consequence, that would be annessa vs beeeethhh. i am still pulling for beth. how the hell does annesa get by on this show? i never see her do anything besides look mean and bitch a lot. she can’t be considered a strong team member, she is a soft fat cow. my guess is she gets by because the cast is afraid she will slit their throats as they sleep at night. beth please pluck her fat ass next!
any body notice that landon has developed quite a lisp? i don’t remember that gay dialect on the rr.
i love it when cara and susie hold hands. it stirs my sick mind to think that they may be having lesbian sex. wouldn’t that be a sight?
derrick is still a punk. i was hoping against hope that cyrus and his fat ass would smother derrick.
i agree, what the hell is wrong with the producers? have they run out of booze in the budget? MORE ALCOHOL = MORE STUPID BEHAVIOR. thats what we want.
what happened to julies boobs? damn she is flat.
That Syrus fall was so odd. he looked like he pitched himself off of the thing. ah to my fellow late twenty someting ladies, remeber when we were in high school and syrus jogging on the beach in his opening shot? he was the alton of yester year. yes alton, that could happen to you too.
Did anyone notice what looked like some man hands on Alton’s head at the end (Jodi’s hands specifically). I swear, they were like the same size as his head! It’s like Seinfeld all over again!
^ash, to bring up another seinfeld hand moment (there seem like a lot, don’t there?): i guess jodi could never be a hand model
Ash — I forgot to mention it, but yes, I too noticed Jodi’s crazy man-hands. THanks for the reminder.
I think MTV has picked up on the fact that we don’t really care that much about the challenges, its all about everything else… hence the preview for next week showing Kina and Cara in the Gauntlet! I mean seriously, that’s 2 weeks in a row with them revealing everything.
I am glad Derrick is still there. Him and his periwinkle hat are the only reasons I watch this stupid show.
Thats is all.
Agreed on the man hands – I thought no one else would notice… “Those meaty paws, it’s like George ‘The Animal’ Steele…”
Jodi bugs me. She’s trying to be all non-affected by the attention she’s getting from Alton, but you know she’s crappin’ her pants thinking a guy that HOT would even look at her raggedy ass.
Wow… Derrick picking up Syrus and like carrying him out in the end of the gauntlet was crazy! I just kinda stared in disbelief. I think it’s hilarious that even with the “corruption” within the Rookies team they are still kicking the Veterans butts in these challenges! I wonder if it’s because they have very few preconceived notions about their team mates, while the Veterans on the other hand have been doing this for so long that they just can’t trust anyone.
Just a thought…
Alton is probably with Jodi because she is an easy lay. Did anybody see the after show with Danny? He gave some dirt on Jodi.
I wish Derrick would just leave. As someone had pointed out here before(I don’t remember who) Every time they show him I just think of his nasty morning breath after drinking all night. Gross! He sure is tough with his knitted cap!!
Ugh… another uneventful episode of the challenge. Last week, the previews were hyping Robin & Katie’s ‘blowup’. Riiight. I’m glad not to be the only one who thought Jodi’s hands were gigantic! Her hands were pretty much covering Alton’s whole head. SCARY! I wonder if her hands are rough and hairy and scaly too… Some ‘texture’ for the handjobs she’s been giving around.
DAM!!! missed Jodi’s manhands…must catch that next time its on!
I would have seen Jodi’s manhands and left if it weren’t for two thigs:
Porky.
McFatty.
Jodi always looks like a man, not only her hands. And it annoys me how much she whines and tries tomake herself the victim all the time.
With those meat hooks maybe Jodi is a hermaphodite, which would explain her manliness. There is some sort of mixed up chromosones with her!
I still think Landon is a big ole Mary! (not that there is anything wrong with that) When the closet door opens, he’ll bust out of it screaming, for sure.
Food for thought.
KH
Who am I rooting for? In the immortal words of Betty White in Lake Placid, “I was actually rooting for the crocodile”.
Snaps.
i don’t know what youguys are talking about..landon is the manliest man i’ve ever seen. check the photos for proof
http://www.mtv.com/sitewide/flipbook/index.jhtml#/sitewide/flipbook/index.jhtml?c=69&fid=1496324&pf=/onair/rwrr_challenge/inferno2/assets/flipbooks/cast/&photoID=1699349&trueFid=1496324
check out photo 83 and 84
http://www.mtv.com/sitewide/flipbook/index.jhtml#/sitewide/flipbook/index.jhtml?fid=1512402&pf=/onair/rwrr_challenge/gauntlet2/images/flipbooks/meet_cast/&photoID=1808804&trueFid=1512402
pic 25, 26
OmG hax! roflawlercopter i farted a burrito.
^ excuse him; he had some pepsi brown & bubbly.
i hate that silvery frosty eyeshadow that Jodi always wears in her interviews!
Landon is my fave. I don’t think he’s a “mary”…..but then I’ve been wrong before…
Jodi is built like a man.
Jodi needs to keep her hoochie mamacita hands off of my hot chocolate alton!! It’s ok Alton had a small lapse in judgement. He’s ok now!
So dissapointed the Rumpshaker is gone. Syrus, I will miss you a “whole lotta”! Keep on keepin that bootie nice!!
Can’t wait till next week’s female drama. Bye Bye Kina!!
Jodi and Alton…ugh. He is just looking for some easy ass and she’s always looking for attention. Alton, your lapse in judgement will be tolerated during this show only because we all know you dumped her ass two seconds after you’d had sex with her maybe 3 times and freaked when you saw her manhands.
Syrus, my darling. You were chubchubs, and I loved that about you. He seems like a really nice guy, like a cool dad. You will be missed Syrus.
And that oily-man wrestling….GAYEST thing EVER. Clearly there is some ‘mo making up these competitions and giggling maniacally every time the guys get down and dirty. Thank you ‘mo.
Well… here’s a different picture of Landon (really being a manly man) http://mostproper.blogspot.com/2005_05_01_mostproper_archive.html
Speaking of Real World: Philadelphia, if any of you want to know what our Shavonda is doing now, please feel free to stop by the Hooters in San Diego (Mission Valley to be exact) and say hi!
I was there during New Years and I was FORCED to go eat at Hooters and this waitress walked by me. I was thinking, “I know that girl”. I realized it was Shavonda and then I saw her nametag. THEN she spoke and I was sure it wasn’t a doppelganger. Anyway, she was a real piece fo work this one. Go see her. Please tell all your friends.
I personally imagine Derrick to have really strong beer breath. Cheap beer.
I’ve never understood the attraction to Jodi. She always looks like a beast in the interviews, with her short hair. Not to mention the man-hands. She’s not a soft talker, though. Hope Alton dumps her soon.
Syrus, you will be missed.
I wonder if there will ever be a beach brawl with girls, or if that’s even an option. That would certainly draw some viewers!
BEACH BRAWL for girls! wow i like the way you think! i volunteer to grease up cara, susie, robin, jisella, huuuugh i guess that is about it. the mtv brass are not stupid, that would be HUGE RATINGS! boobies bouncing and ass slappin good ol time.
Do you know why else I hate that vile disgusting Julie? Other than the obvious?
I’ll tell you: Not sure if you know this, but she had the audacity and gall to press release a story about her almost getting on 1 of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11. She was going to see her boyfriend in LA, but decided against it. So, she decided to press release it to further her pathetic career. Thats why I hate that M-f*cking c*nt. The absolute nerve of her, using a world tragedy as a PR move. She is pure and utter filth. She should be shunned and ashamed.
Even sadder, it was picked up by USA today online, its how I know.
Every time I hear her voice or see her face, I think of what she did, and how vile she really must be.
KH
I always wondered why that guy on Jodie’s Road Rules season thought she was so hot-the guy who had a girlfriend & she had a boyfriend but they just couldn’t resist each other. You know, as in they got drunk & hooked up. He was a hottie, but I can’t remember his name.
On the topic of RR/RW couples, has anyone else lasted besides Judd & the doctor from Seattle and the other chick from Seattle and the lumberjack from Wisconsin?
tvaholic-
Do you remember Chadwick and Holly? They are still together- actually they are married now.
He was on RR Australia and she was on RR Maximum Velocity (I think that is what it was called). It was the one with Theo.
Oh yeah, were Chadwick & Holly the ones who were really annoying at the last challenge? Although from what I understand it’s because they weren’t getting drunk & nasty like everyone else is what made them annoying to everyone else. You know what would be a true Challenge? An N/A version. It would be like in the beginning of the Real World, when they actually had to work at jobs and pay bills & didn’t go out & drink every night. Do you remember when the people in London almost had their phone cut off because they didn’t pay the bill? NOw THAT’s the real world!
Could you see it now-you could have the gay guy from Chicago who’s a recovering alcoholic host the show. I can see the withdrawal symptoms now. That & everyone would really find out what kind of people they’ve been sleeping with on the RR/RW circuit. Of course Ruthie, Derek, Brad, Katie, & Tonya wouldn’t show up.