Yes! The Bitches Are Dead (In the Water)

The Challenge

By admin | Tuesday, June 21, 2005 | 12:12 am | 36 Comments

bad_asses_waterGoing into the final episode of Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Inferno 2, I didn’t know if I was actually ready to deal with the results. What would I do if the Bad Asses managed to win? I have always been annoyed by Veronica, could never stand Rachel, and Tina’s voice grated my eardrums the first moment that I heard her. The only reason I have bothered defending Tonya is that she is clearly the lesser evil among the bitches that surround her. The guys on the team are not much better, with CT being the prime example why the “Punch a Stupid Masshole in the Face” campaign is gaining such traction, but at least Derrick seems for the most part sincere and likes the competition. The Bad Asses dominated the game early and have dominated the Inferno competitions, meaning they would have a numbers advantage over the Good Guys. The key would be who would work together in the race to finish “Montezuma’s Revenge.”Yeah, I’m also not too sure why they gave the final challenge that name. The producers have been giving us some groan-worthy punny titles that sort of pertain to the actual competition. Montezuma’s Revenge was actually a triathlon with a 2 km paddle in the ocean, a 10 km cycle course, finishing with a 5 km run. I thought the final challenge would be something like “Three’s Company” or “If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Triathlon Again” or perhaps “Triathlons and Tribulations” ( I got a million of them, folks). On the other hand, maybe it was a play on words. Montezuma’s Revenge is the name of an amoebic dysentery (my 9th grade biology may be a bit off) people are said to catch in Mexico or Central America. Considering all of the remaining players have been living heavily on the beer/liquor/nightclub diet, you could be sure a lot of them would be puking after this level of physical exertion.

Before the competition, CT and Derrick were already deciding what they were going to do with the money they were going to win. You know, it’s good to be confident, but CT quickly crosses over into arrogance. His thoughts weren’t on what he could do so his opponents don’t win, he barely acknowledged that the Good Guys also had a chance at winning. I guess they don’t make you read Sun Tzu in auto-body class, but I am sure he has had of heard something about underestimating your enemies and all that shit. Didn’t he watch The Godfather? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. This is basic stuff. If CT did realize that there might be a problem in his plan for domination, it had to do with his fear of the puzzle, which was a huge theme throughout the competition.

The first part of the competition had everybody swim to their rafts from a boat that was off the shore. The water was pretty choppy and it is quite difficult to swim in those life vests, so it made things pretty even early on. As both teams piled into their boats, I couldn’t imagine how the Good Guys would be able to overcome the numbers advantage of the Bad Asses. Four people rowing versus seven people rowing is a huge difference, and the Good Guys would have to work twice as hard to keep up with the extra strength of the other team.

Well, my first instincts were wrong. Sure the Bad Asses had more people and more power, but it also meant that they had to coordinate their efforts more efficiently to take advantage. Basically, they would have to try extra hard to work together, and teamwork is the last thing any of the Bad Asses wanted to depend on. With only four people in their boat, the Good Guys started to pull ahead. They weren’t going much faster than the Bad Asses, it was just that the Bad Asses couldn’t steer and were going back and forth.

There is no leader to this team, and leadership basically goes to whoever is able to shout the loudest. Abram tried to get them to get in sync by calling out “One – Two – One – Two” over and over, in order to get some sort of rhythm going. It wasn’t working for everybody and CT, seeing that his chances at the grand prize were slipping away, started yelling at Tonya, who he thought wasn’t giving a good enough effort. He kept on yelling at her to dig – actually he kept on saying “F***ing dig,” but since she was in the front of the boat and straddling the edge, when she tried to dig her paddle deep, she ended up going into the water and when Derrick tried to help her, he ended up falling in as well. They were able to recover quickly, but the damage was already done. By the time they reached the shore, the Good Guys had a four minute lead on the Bad Asses. If this little sequence taught you anything, it was that bad things happen whenever CT opens his mouth, or the alternate view: the world is a happier place when CT keeps his mouth shut.

good_guys_water

Despite their four minute lead, the Good Guys were not taking anything for granted. Sure, they could beat the Bad Asses by ten minutes, but they had that puzzle looming, and you never know what can happen. That tricky crossword did Mike in during the first Inferno, so he was especially anxious. To tell you the truth, there was little reason to get so worked up. First of all, if the puzzle was hard, you do have the only Asian remaining in the competition, so already you have an advantage. Second of all IT’S NOT GOING TO BE THAT HARD. The way they were talking, it was like they were expecting an MCAT or Bar Association exam to be waiting for them at the end. Most of these kids went to college, and some of them even finished. None of them are required to use any education they have past the sixth grade, so what is with all the complaining?

As I mentioned before, CT also knew that the puzzle could be the difference, and Tina was counting on it. She said that the other team was fast on foot, but were stupid and would lose. Those are quite profound words from Tina, don’t you think? That would be like me making fun of people for having a big ego. I am not sure what sort of logic Tina was using, considering that she is, you know, an idiot, and the other team has, you know, an Asian. It wasn’t even going to be close. I was so mad, I felt like I could hit her, but it looked like somebody on her team already beat me to it, since she had a big swollen spot around her right eye, as if she had been punched there, landed on her face, or been beaten with the ugly stick.

tina_black_eye
I desperately tried to blame this on herpes, but no luck.

The Good Guys were pedaling along, but they still had thoughts of that damn puzzle at the end. What if it was a crossword?! What if it was an anagram? What if it was trivia? What if it was math? What if it was math trivia?! Please. No more. Stop! THE HORROR! Just as they were completing their fretting over the test, Darrell popped a chain of his bike, which were apparently genuine Panamasonics. Already the bad thoughts were creeping in. What if the chain doesn’t come back on? What if there are ANALOGIES?! Darrell got his chain back on, but by the time both teams had started the 5 km run, which was the final leg of the triathlon, the Bad Asses managed to shave a full minute off of the Good Guys’ lead. If they could only make up some time on the run, they might even be able to catch up.

While all of the Good Guys were able to go pretty hard during the first two legs, you could see that they were starting to lose steam during the run. 5 km is about 3 miles. Not an impossible distance to run, but this is Mexico, and it was very hot by the time they started the run. Landon (btw, how dumb is the name Lando Commando?) and Darrell seemed like they were doing OK, but Mike and Jamie were struggling. Still, their teammates continued to encourage them. Maybe things would have been different if they were behind, but I thought Landon and Darrell (who has moved up a few notches in my book, probably because he got a chance to spend some time away from Rachel) did a great job getting their teammates through the tougher parts. The bike portion had been relatively flat, but the run had a number of hills, and they were brutal on everybody, including Mike, who many thought was as in shape as anybody who had flown to Mexico in the first place.

good_guys_runbad_asses_run

But as bad as the Good Guys were having it, the Bad Asses were having it not so good. Although that might have been one of the most poorly formed sentence I have ever put on paper, err, screen, it is true. As much trouble as Jamie and the Miz were having, Tonya and Tina were having it twice as bad. Tonya kept on wanting to take a rest, and eventually, her teammates picked her up and carried her. I don’t know what all the complaining was about, because the Real World team had a much more difficult time carrying Coral through the final course on the Gauntlet. And then I saw that they were going to have to carry Tina part of the way as well. Just looking at Abram pick up Tina had me reaching for the Vicodin. After two of those plus a Jack and Diet Dr. Pepper (if you want to seduce J-Unit, that’s all you need), I was able to continue.

Rachel and Veronica started complaining because the run had turned into a walk, and they were still outpacing the other two girls. God, maybe if they weren’t such skank bitches to Jodi, she would have had the confidence to beat Tonya in the Inferno and she wouldn’t be dragging them behind in the final. Or, if they wanted to get nuts and try and be mature for a few seconds, they might have made her feel like part of the team. Clearly Tonya doesn’t do well under pressure, but the way her teammates treated her, she always felt the burden to perform, and too often, she crumbled under that burden. This challenge was one of those times. I hate to sound like a cheerleader and say they really needed some team spirit, but that is exactly what was lacking for the Bad Asses, and it might have been the thing that would have helped the most. But to tell you the truth, all of the problems they had with their team in the final challenge were well-deserved for all of the infantile behavior and lack of respect most of them showed for their teammates or their opponents.

You might have been able to tell from my language, but the Good Guys won. The difficult puzzle at the end was nothing more than remembering the people who were eliminated, how old they were, and being able to add or subtract from that number. There were three questions, giving three numbers, which would translate to three numbers on a combination lock. Once the lock was opened, they went into the location of the Inferno to meet Dave Mirra. I would definitely say that Mirra sucked last time as a host, but really made up for it this year and you could see how he was much more comfortable in front of the camera compared to last year.

Anyway, I was very happy to see the Good Guys win and collect their additional $150,000. It looks like Dell threw in some extra promotion money at the end, because everybody got an additional 42″ plasma screen, meaning Landon now has two, which means, if he is like the people in the condo across the street from the TVgasm offices, he will keep them in a nice conspicuous place for all of his neighbors to see and envy.

good_guys_winbad_asses_lose

It was great to see the Good Guys win, and just as enjoyable to see the Bad Asses lose. They knew they had lost, and Veronica said that they wanted to finish with some dignity, which is code word for “we would have lost money from the producers if we didn’t finish.” The whole team was stunned. Tina was crying (and to her credit, Veronica did try and comfort her) and Tonya was despondent that she cost her team a victory. Rachel was disgusted, but Derrick at least had enough humility to realize his team’s flaws and congratulate the winners. As for CT, he was left to contemplate how he was going to afford to wax his back until money for the next challenge started to come in.

There you have it, the Good triumphed over the Evil. Rachtinonica is defeated, and it looks like Veronica isn’t going to be back for the next challenge. I am going to love to see the Challenge without her, but I admit that she was great for the drama this season, and really added to the overall show. Leave a comment and tell the Good Guys how happy you are that they won, or you can just pile on the criticism of the stupid Bad Asses, because to be honest, that’s just as fun, and maybe twice as rewarding.

About

36 Comments

  1. 1
    whore
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 3:24 am

    WTF was up with Tina’s eye? I’m just glad this season is fucking over!

  2. 2
    suebee
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 4:14 am

    What was the point of the weekly $10,000 earnings?

  3. 3
    suebee
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 4:15 am

    What was the point of the weekly $10,000 earnings? Did each team actually take this home and the winners got an additional $150,000?

  4. 4
    bacardi
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 4:29 am

    I believe the 150,000 is an addition to the team bank account if you win.

    Well finally karma reared its head and came back to bite the women of team bad ass. The girl they picked on all season and hoped to get rid of was the girl that ended up in the final mission and costed them victory.

    I was suprised Miz was having trouble in the running portion of the challenge, but then again he is the heaviest guy on the show.

    The MVP’s this season were Landon and CT. Landon for the 2 and only Inferno win’s for the Good Guys, and CT for the numerous life shield wins. As much as I hate CT he is a great competitor.

    As horrible as some of the personalities were on this show, I felt it was a great season with an appropriate ending.

  5. 5
    KatiesHole
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 4:37 am

    I think the team that wins the final challenge win the other teams money. I don’t think the 150 is in addition to what they already won.

    Either way, I loved seeing Veronica loose. She a fat assed wannabe skank.

    With this show, the team with the most amount of players at the end looses.

  6. 6
    claire fisher
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 5:51 am

    Finally!!! I am glad The Miz finally won something. Every team he was on to date has always lost in these challenges. Veronica didn’t need to win any more. It seems like she’s won these things every year. Probably won like 3 cars and a crapload of money. Go Good Guys!!!

  7. 7
    suebee
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 6:25 am

    I wonder who is the biggest winner in terms of cash on these challenge shows.

    It doesn’t seem logical that you do well and keep most of your players and then you lose in the end (although I was happy with the outcome). Odds are that the team with the most members will have a weak link or two. Then again, the whole inferno thing doesn’t really make sense to me either.

    Those girls were really pathetic.

  8. 8
    Leah3t
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 6:33 am

    I was glad to see the people I liked win for a change, and also glad to see a truly athletic challenge over some weird silly thing (eating tacitos!?!!?)

  9. 9
    Jess
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 6:40 am

    I was getting the impression that the team bank account money didn’t matter, only the final mission money mattered. But at the end, there were three giant cardboard checks. It looked like BadAsses had one, and Good Guys had two. So I suspect that the team bank account matters after all? If so, I’m thrilled that the Good Guys get so rewarded for having taken such a beating. Four people splitting, what, $230,000? Even after taxes, that’s a great deal. Yay for them!

    I kept thinking about how Tina’s and Tonya’s crotch sweat must have been soaking the back of CT’s and Abe’s necks. *heave* And Veronica coulda used the money for some thigh treatments. Where’d those come from? She looks like a female He-Man action figure (She-Ra?).

  10. 10
    Paige
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 6:53 am

    The Bad Ass team was at a HUGE disadvantage with their larger team. They may have won had the girls not had held them back. I thought it was pathetic how Tina and Tonya had to be carried at the end. Tonya was soooo overdramatic with the whole third portion of the challenge.

    I’m so happy the Good Guys won, though! I’ll be tuning in for The Real World premiere tonight!!

  11. 11
    Amanda
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 7:38 am

    The teams kept what was in their bank account so the Bad Asses did end up splitting the 70,000.00 they had between the 7 of them. The final challenge was worth 150,000.00. The winner would get that PLUS the money in their bank account, so the Good Guys ended up with 230,000.00 to split four ways. Jamie and Mike both confirmed they got 57,000.00 a piece on the Inferno 2 Aftershow.

  12. 12
    Julia
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 8:45 am

    I worked on the Battle of the Sexes 2 and know first hand how much of a bitch Rachel and Veronica can be let alone together joined by Tina….I’m glad they lost. The good guys deserve it!

  13. 13
    GNARKILL
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 10:53 am

    Anyone notice at the end when Jaime is doing the voice-over talking about the team members that didn’t make it she included Brad when she said it was nice to meet you guys. (For those that don’t know Brad was on her season.)

  14. 14
    nats
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 10:54 am

    i am sooooooooooooooooo glad they won!!!they totally deserved it! from the incept i couldn’t stand bad asses! their attitudes stink! no team spirit whatsoever! good triumphed over evil!!!yes!

  15. 15
    williegreen
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 11:24 am

    Two asian comments in the recap? Now that’s some good stereotyping, J-unit. But next time be sure to add that the Good Guys were supposed to win because the also had the only African-American left, and you know how good they are at sports.

  16. 16
    J-Unit
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 11:41 am

    williegreen,

    Well, I knew that Darrell would help them in the long distance running, but any advantage was negated by the swimming portion. Now if there was some basketball thrown in the mix, or a chicken wing(mmm chicken wings) eating contest, then we could throw Darrell in the mix again.

  17. 17
    B-Side
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 12:00 pm

    Man, I really hate Veronica and Rachel. The way Veronica whined to the camera about Tonya was so incredibly immature. I mean, it literally sounded like a 10 year old girl accusing someone of cheating. This bitch better grow up fast. I HATE HER.

  18. 18
    williegreen
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 12:38 pm

    I agree with Darrell being negated with the swimming portion of the competition. And to that end, I am writing Bunin/Murray productions and encouraging them to provide more ethnically diverse challenges. These came to me off the top of the head:

    Tax return cheating (the contests all get the same tax return and have to figure out ways to get a bigger refund), The Mexican Border Challenge (where our reality friends are dropped off in the desert and have to cross the border while being shot at by Minutemen), the Christian Couple capture (try to stop as many gay couples from getting married people the time limit expires) and the Hip-Hop shootout (where the contests shoot a rapper and try to get the police to actually arrest them for the crime. Only rule: the Ying Yang twins must be the first target.) The possibilities are endless!

    Thanks J-unit! You may have saved next season for me! If Tvgasm were a woman, she’d have huge breasts.

  19. 19
    bacardi
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 1:55 pm

    I wonder now… what if Shavonda would’ve beaten Tonya in the last Inferno…

    I believe the roles would’ve been reversed.

    Shavonda would’ve cost the team a victory I’m sure. Thank God she was such a quitter in the Inferno and wasn’t in the finals.

  20. 20
    scorpiella
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 2:07 pm

    While I am thrilled at the prospect of a Veronica free challenge, I didn’t hear anyone say that. Did I miss it or did this information come from somewhere other than the show? I know that disgusting people make good T.V. (I am addicted to reality shows after all) but I seriously could not handle one more season of Veronica. I HATE HER!!

  21. 21
    Veronica's evil
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 3:04 pm

    scorpiella-
    Rachel & Veronica did an chat with Kristin from E! online and confirmed that neither one of them would be on the next challenge. YAY!!!!!
    I agree, a little conflict is good, but the immature h.s., pick on the little-guy BS they pull everytime they get a second on camera makes me want to vomit.
    And I can’t stand what hypocrites they are. No problem blaming Tonya for losing the final challenge, but I didn’t hear anyone giving Veronica grief when she single-handedly lost the challenge with the crabs for them.

  22. 22
    Don't Drink the Water
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 3:56 pm

    I’ve had Montezuma’s Revenge (drank the water in the airport on the way home from Mexico) and the 3 continuous (yes continuous- read:numb legs) hours I spent in the bathroom when I arrived home were much more unpleasant than this final challenge. Craftier name could have been devised.
    Agree that Shavonda quitting was a blessing in disguise.
    I wanna know who popped Tina in the eye.
    I had no idea Veronica was sporting such ham hocks on her thighs.
    Rachel is just a bitch, plain n simple.
    Poor wench Tonya… if there had been a sexual component to the challenge, her team would have won.
    CT is just an ass. I hope he gets his ass kicked on the next challenge, or voted out first. I’d love to see Puck hock a long-distance loogie in his face. Being the playground bully when you’re in your 20′s is not attractive.
    Abram and Derrick were stuck on the wrong team. Felt bad for them.
    Glad to see the Miz finally win some cash. Darrell actually looked good in the end. Landon’s Joker hairdo is increasingly disturbing.
    Is Coral really a lesbian now? Or is she just a “poser-lesbian” like Veronica?
    Bring on the Battle of the Sexes!

  23. 23
    Veronica's evil
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 4:13 pm

    Coral’s a lesbian?????
    First Veronica, now Coral. Apparently a roll in the hay with Abram is a foolproof way to turn a woman lesbian.

    My VIP for the Good Guys is Jamie. I don’t think she’s all that athletic (I mean the chick’s no Rachel she-male), but she pushed herself so hard to keep up with the guys. Good for her. Derrick’s the Bad Asses VIP in my book. Never anything bad to say, he was a class act on this challenge.

    And the “OMG, I think I have herpes of the neck” award goes to Abe and CT for carrying Tina and Tonya on their shoulders. Yechhh!!!!!!!!!!

  24. 24
    Leah3t
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 4:35 pm

    Veronica’s Evil- HAH! Good point! For ladies, Abe is one of the “guys we’ll go gay for”!

    Good guys are so lucky Shavonda wasn’t on there. They would have LOST if she was trying to run.

  25. 25
    Brandon W.
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 7:16 pm

    Claire Fisher and others
    Mike has won a challenge before it was Battle Of The Seasons in 2002 with Coral and others. This was a really good challenge and on point-drama, comedy and suspense everything you want in a challenge.

  26. 26
    jrossi4r
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 8:56 pm

    Huh…Veronica has MY THIGHS!! Who knew? Only I have the common sense to realize that they make me chubby and cover them in scads of fabric.

    Two words, Ronnie: Bermuda shorts.

  27. 27
    Duckie
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 11:08 pm

    To ‘Don’t Drink the Water’ @22: nice rhymes dude.

    Aside from that, I just wanted to add to what everyone else already said… HELL YEAH! Good Guys rule, Bad Asses suck. Those who deserved to win, won.

  28. 28
    Matteo
    Posted June 23, 2005 at 3:43 pm

    Hey,

    I was really enjoying your recap until I got to the “Jaimi=Asian=Good at puzzle” comment which jarred me because I didn’t expect good ol’ racial stereotyping to rear its ugly head here.

    That wasn’t funny. What was funny however, and DID make me laugh was “If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Triathlon Again.”

  29. 29
    ali
    Posted June 23, 2005 at 5:08 pm

    I always thought I hated Tonya and I mean who didn’t with that whole kidney stone annoyance. That all changed because I LOVE tonya compared to Veronica. She annoys the hell out of me. She is so immature and self-centered. THUNDER THIGHS!

  30. 30
    paul
    Posted June 23, 2005 at 11:26 pm

    Abe and Derrick WERE on the wrong team….If only they were gay…..yum. CT is a horses ass. Used to think he was hot but the whole”lets all be mean to the kidney stone girl” got OLD OLD OLD. If you’re that under-endowed CT, get enhancement.
    As for the skank brigade…and you girls know who you are….thanks for making the show fun and drama filled, but cruelty is just ugly, and you all is UGLY!

  31. 31
    bacardi
    Posted June 24, 2005 at 3:25 pm

    this game is ugly… the inner circle is ugly… I don’t want any part of it.

  32. 32
    ryan
    Posted June 25, 2005 at 3:07 pm

    jamie is so hot. she said on the after show interview that she had a boyfriend. i wonder what he looks like and whether he is the korean guy that her mom wants her to date. i bet he is a white guy, you can tell she is a twinkie (yellow on the outside, white on the inside). she is really the only reason why i kept watching, especially the outfit with her boobs hanging out and all those bathing suits, she looked so hot.

  33. 33
    Jaimie
    Posted June 25, 2005 at 4:16 pm

    What was the deal with the chain leash around Tina’s neck? They should have used that to pull her along during the run. That would have been great!

    I knew the good guys would win, my husband was like “I don’t know about Jamie” but I knew she was tough! Way to pull through!

    Can’t wait for another season!

  34. 34
    Uh Oh oreo
    Posted June 25, 2005 at 8:26 pm

    Veronica, rachael and tina are bithcez!! I think that tonya should have kicked veronica’s ass! Oh, and what the hell was up with tina’s eye?! I’m glad that the bad asses lost. I knew that the good guys would pull it off. Btw. THE MIZ ROCKS!!!

  35. 35
    Cuz
    Posted June 25, 2005 at 9:32 pm

    Jamie is the only Asian??? i thought Tina was Asian too, or at least part Asian.

  36. 36
    sg-dub
    Posted June 26, 2005 at 11:17 am

    yeah, dude, jamie is hot. Smokin’ little body.

    I never watch these shows and was wondering if Landon’s half-finger has been discussed.

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