Tonight on The City: Erin and her Canadian boyfriend move to a new level (emotionally); Whitney moves to a new level (physically); Olivia and Nevan sink to new levels (evilly). And Jay and Whitney try to define their relationship.
I don’t have another word ending in ly so just enjoy this pic of Olivia dressed like Kirsten Dunst in Interview with a Vampire.
We open at Erin’s apartment, where her boyfriend (?) is playing a guitar. Her boyfriend (?) looks like Zac Efron will in, like, 5 years, when he’s able to grow facial hair. The dude is teaching Erin some guitar chords, and it’s very sweet. I think they may be stoned.
Let’s write a song about marshmallows.
Third Wheel Whitney comes in and Erin introduces her to Duncan from Toronto. Erin and Duncan talk about getting a movie, Erin suggests “Titanic” and then “The Sound of Music,” because she can’t believe he hasn’t seen it. Whitney’s looking around like she feels really awkward, but honestly? Why? They’re not talking about maybe trying anal sex tonight, they’re talking about “The Sound of Music.” She has nothing to say about it? What about, “My sister and I used to play ‘The Sound of Music’ when we were kids, and I always wanted to be Liesl!” Ah, wait. That was me. I don’t get why she’s got a puss on. Whitney’s all, I’m gonna go run errands and stuff, let me know if I get in the way.
Credits. I hate the way everyone poses for the camera. Especially Olivia. It’s as if she’s saying, “Holy crap, America, I am so much better than you it’s not even funny,” with her eyes.
It hurts to even stand still long enough to get my picture taken for your damn poor people with no lives of your own.
Tonight’s episode is called “The L Word.” Licorice? Laxative? Labia? We’ll never know. Did they tape this in the fall? It looks like fall. Whit and Erin eat breakfast (indoors!) at a really cool cafe, and discuss Whitney’s hunt for apartments. Whit says it’s been “really hard” to find a place. Translation: “The place MTV bought for me isn’t quite ready yet.” How are things with Jay? Erin inquires. Whitney doesn’t know where they stand and she’s analyzing and questioning everything.
Over at DVF, some skinny girl is getting her picture taken before she breaks for a lunch of Kleenex and Perrier. Olivia asks about how things are with Erin. What? You don’t care about Jay today? Speaking of Jay, he calls and says he has an apartment to show Whitney. I swear to god, if they move in together, I’m handing over these recaps to someone else. That will be my limit. My limit! But she has to hurry, Jay says.
Olivia, openly hearing this, is all, well, why don’t you wait until you have more time and we can sit down and discuss cool places to live. Oh, such a succubus, that Olivia! Whitney says she’ll just wait until this shoot is over and go take a look. And you guys, like literally 3 seconds after she says that, Alixe comes over, thanks them for a job well done, and the shoot is over. Olivia literally has one hairstyle. And you know what? Mischa Barton would totally play her in a movie of her life. And no one would go see it.
I hear the Bronx is greeeeeat.
Jay and Whitney look at a really nice apartment, very high above the city, with a kick-ass little balcony. I’m guessing she’s on the 20th, 25th floor maybe? I live on the 7th floor of my building and it’s definitely way higher than mine. The realtor says something about the market, which she probably knows nothing about since she’s an actor MTV hired for the day, and gives Whitney a couple seconds to think about it. Jay tells her she’d be a couple blocks from Erin and she and Jay will be close, so she takes it. Olivia will frown when she hears the news that Whitney’s not moving to the Upper East Side. Olivia frowns a lot. â€¨
This place is totally affordable! I’ll take it!
We’re back at DVF, and Whitney tells Olivia that she took the apartment. Ah ha! It’s on the 30th floor. Dang. That’s high. I would never be out on that balcony, since I have an acute fear of heights. High places make my butt feel all tingly and sweaty and then I get really nervous. I don’t know why. Oh my gosh, can you guys stand the drama so far?! Blah. So, a weird thing happens when Whitney says that Jay is helping her move in. Olivia goes on this super long rant about how it’s nice to have a guy be there for you, but it’s important not to “depend too much on Jay,” and to be “demanding and relying 24/7 on a guy all the time just doesn’t work” and “it always backfires and you have to be your own person and that’s . . . to me is . . . really . . . important . . . to me.” Um, where the hell did that come from?!
The other worker in the room is staring at Olivia throughout this whole thing like she’s thinking, “First of all, bitch, you don’t even really work here. Second, you’re effing crazy. So shut the hell up.” And Whitney looks at Olivia as if she has just taken off her pants and dropped a deuce in the middle of the floor. Seriously, what the hell was THAT all about?
I think the disapproving side of this girl’s face is going to become one of my favorite characters.
Duncan and Erin go out to Brass Monkey (that funky monkey!) for drinks. Erin and Duncan talk about their relationship, and Erin says that she’s only had long-distance relationships. Oh, boundary issues much? Duncan says that she just has to say the word and he’s around. Oh, needy issues much? They say lovey-dovey things, and Erin says the thing that everyone says to sound romantic, but is actually a BIG FAT LIE: “I’d rather fall in love, like 10 times, and have my heart broken 10 times, than like, never experience it . . . ever.” Duncan’s leaving on Sunday, and says there’s “no time to waste!”
Whitney’s new apartment is in the Gramercy neighborhood of NYC. I did some googling (that’s right – I do all the work, so you won’t have to!) and Gramercy is on the east side of Manhattan, toward the south of the island, south of Central Park. Just in case you were wondering. Whitney’s new, really ugly couch has arrived. Think she’ll take 4 months to unpack like Audrina? Let’s hope so. Cuz that would be fun to make fun of. Erin reveals that she and Duncan said “I love you” to each other last night, and Jay’s all, I think that word gets thrown around too much, and it’s like, is it just love or lust right now? I have to say, I agree with Jay, and I don’t think he’s really insulting Erin. I honestly think he’s just giving his opinion because the subject came up. But, I could be wrong. And Whitney’s apartment has sooo much light, which is nice. Until she’s hung-over. Then it will SUCK.
Am I getting sun spots? Because I think I feel sun spots.
In Central Park (gorgeous!), Whitney says she can’t believe Jay gave her a “hard time” about the love thing (again, not really). And she says that she and Jay are just trying to stay on track. Then something really great happens, and they’re both like, “Stop,” and they pause to look at the skyline from across a lake in Central Park, and both of them comment on how beautiful it really is. That stuff would NEVER happen on The Hills. The most you’ll get over there is, “This sushi is so cute!” After some funny talk about being a “New Yorka” and hot jogging guys, Whitney says she’s going to talk to Jay about their relationship tonight. Dun dun dun!
We’re at Olivia’s apartment, and who should be there, but douchey Nevan. He says that on the way over here he was getting on the subway (really?) and he spit on the platform. That’s not only disgusting (and Olivia agrees), but I think it’s illegal. And to prove my point, Nevan says he got a $100 ticket. Ha! Suck on that, Nevan! I would like to add, though, that I see people doing that all the time here in Chicago, and I have yet to see anyone get a ticket. I also saw a drunk Loyola undergrad girl totally barf on the train once. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal as well. Ah, public transit. Good times.
Holy crap guys, what is up with Nevan’s hair?! I thought he was wearing one of those golfer hats at first, but no. It’s his hair. And it terrifies me. Also, why does he look COMPLETELY different in this episode than in the first two? Did they hire another actor? Nevan asks about work, which to Olivia means “Whitney,” and so she talks about how Whit got a call from Jay about the apartment. And then, she lies through her motha effing teeth, saying that Whitney “ducked out early” to go check out the apartment, and she was all, “it’s your first two weeks and you’re [Whitney] leaving early?” And oh, Olivia had to “cover for her.” You guys, this chica is loco.
It’s official. I hate both Darrins.
Olivia told Whitney “not to get the apartment.” Lie. She’s like, if it doesn’t work out with Jay, then she’ll have this “emotional attachment to the apartment.” What the eff? It’s an apartment, not an adopted Chinese girl. They blah about how Whitney should take Olivia’s advice because Whitney’s “not an L.A. girl now,” and how people in NYC are “cutthroat” and “evil.” I wish we had examples of those people on this show . . . oh. Wait. And just so you know, Olivia, I read on the internet that, during Fashion Week, you went to a Carlos Miele show. At 3:00pm. On a freaking Wednesday. (google: olivia palermo fake job dvf). So, maybe you should wait a bit before calling the kettle black, Pot.
Whitney (FYI — hate her outfit) meets Jay for dinner. Jay still can’t believe that Erin and Duncan said “I love you” to each other, and asks Whitney if she would call him his “boyfriend” after dating for a month. Whitney is really eloquent and says that she never thought she’d meet someone she likes so quickly but she doesn’t want to call him her boyfriend if neither of them are ready for that or agree to it. What does Jay think? He’s interested in getting to know her better, and it doesn’t mean that he wants to date other people. But it doesn’t have to be like, “Whitney’s my girlfriend, Jay’s my boyfriend,” and he doesn’t want it to feel like his life is “all about the relationship.” Ugh, he’s such a guy. Guys say that, and then, the minute they see you with someone else, even if it’s just a friend, they get all possessive and jealous, and it’s like, “Dude, what the hell? You just said you didn’t want your life to be all about the relationship! Pick a side!”
Well this was fun. We should talk like this more often.
Whitney appears disappointed but totally stands her ground, saying that she doesn’t want to be with someone unless she’s a big priority – not the 1st priority, mind you – in that person’s life. And tells him that, if after spending more time getting to know her, he doesn’t want to continue, then he needs to tell her that. Right on! Jay says that he wants to spend time getting to know her, and they’re on the right path. Whitney looks worried. Rightfully so, Whit! That’s the end of this episode, and what the crap is this god-awful song that’s playing?! Someone should tell this chick that yelling? Is not the same as singing.
Next time on The City (I actually saw the preview this time): Erin tells Whitney to live for herself; Olivia sinks her claws into Whitney; the possibility of a new man for our L’il Whit, and from the looks of it, I totally called it with the Jay/jealousy thing.
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