Tonight on The City: Ex-potential boyfriend Alex gives Whit some bad news, which we then get to hear three more times as she tells various people; Jay and Alex almost duke it out; Olivia tries to be interesting; and we get to see the softer side of Kelly Cutrone. I know, right?
It’s there. Just not in her face.
Okay, so all you Hills viewers will remember Alex, the model guy Whitney met at a casting call in NYC. They had one date. Alex, seriously, is one of those guys who you look at and go, “Model? Seriously? Cuz you kinda look like Napoleon Dynamite.”
But he’s probably fierce on the runway and does great print ads or something. Anyway, Whitney voiceovers that she thought she’d seen the last of Alex (since she chose Jay), but out of the blue, Alex called her. Wait – they couldn’t film that part happening? Where she gets a call from Alex? Whatev. Apparently, Alex has something “he’s dying to tell” Whitney. Ooh, ouch. Those chlamydia conversations are always a downer.
So, in the pre-credit sequence, Whitney meets Alex for breakfast or brunch or lunch or something. Whitney tells him she doesn’t have a place and is sleeping on friends’ couches. Hmmm, now, why wouldn’t Whitney have an apartment? Perhaps because she hasn’t really moved away from L.A.? Discuss.
Alex asks about Jay, and Whitney tells him how she saw him a lot when she visited NYC, then had to go back to L.A., and has seen him pretty much every day since arriving back in The City. Alex says that’s “really ironic” because his roommate’s best friend dated Jay and Jay “kind of made it seem to her that you [Whitney] had ended it with him.” That’s not irony, that’s coincidence. Actually, given the production team on this show, that’s not coincidence, just par for the course.
Thank God we found another front and center outdoor table or the crew wouldn’t let us eat.
Alex’s roommate’s best friend is another model named Danielle. Alex proceeds to tell Whitney about how Danielle said Jay was at a club and was all, I miss you, and Danielle was like, aren’t you with that girl? and Jay was going, no we’re not dating anymore. OMFG! WTF? Oh, snap, Whitney totally goes, “How do I know if I can even trust you, or this girl Danielle?” Now, I don’t think LC or Heidi would ever say that. And I know Audrina wouldn’t (she’d just nod her head and purse her lips and then text everyone in L.A. County about it). Whitney has a good head on her shoulders, I think. Alex says he hates “being that guy, to bring that up.” Dude, no you don’t. You totally love being that guy. Who, in The City, can Whitney trust? I’m assuming that’s what this episode is about.
Yup. Ep title: “The Truth Will Reveal Itself.” I know it’s petty, but I really don’t like the font they use for the credits. How about a nice Century Gothic, or a Rockwell Extra Bold, or Wingdings? Here’s the title in Snel Roundhand: “The Truth Will Reveal Itself.” See? Isn’t that more fun? You know, there’s a huge difference between the random city shots in this show and the ones in The Hills. Whereas on The Hills we’d normally see skinny white girls with mini-skirts walking down Rodeo Drive with Starbucks frappucinos in their hands, here we get lots of taxis and buses and tall buildings and people wearing completely normal clothes.
Over at Erin’s apartment, where Erin (Yay! Erin!) totally looks like Mandy Moore today, Whitney explains the Jay/Danielle sitch. I love Erin’s apartment, full of great mural-y hangings, and family pictures. It looks very welcoming and non-pretentious, which, I think, totally reflects Erin’s personality. I’m just going to say it: I want to be friends with Erin. They both agree that the only thing to do is to ask Jay straight up. Straight up, Jay, now tell me, are you gonna love me forever? (Oh Oh Oh) Or am I caught in a hit and run?
Like it was yesterday. Or like thirty years ago.
Over at a very lovely Central Park, Jay and his roommate Adam are playing basketball. Adam, of course, has his shirt off. He has one of those weird, sort of defined, super-skinny, sunken chest, upper bodies. Eat a meatball sub, Adam! Geez. Jay talks about going to Olivia’s party last week and how he hated it, and so Adam’s all, so you’re going to stop seeing other people now, and just see Whitney? Because, as we all know, Adam is The One Who Plays By His Own Rules. And probably also The One Who Gets Crabs, Like, All The Time. What is it with me and STDs in this recap?
Hot? Yes. And itchy.
It’s night, and over at Philippe, a restaurant in Midtown, Olivia and her nauseating cousin Nevan are discussing Olivia’s “work” at DVF. Here’s the weird thing. I paused my little MTV online player once, and they were seriously the only people in their section. Then, like 5 seconds later, there are people behind them. Way to go, City editors. They talk about Whitney and “work” and Nevan tells Olivia to show Whitney how things are done around NYC. Olivia thinks they should invite Whitney into her group, and Nevan agrees, especially before she “falls in with that downtown crowd.” By which he means, nice, regular, non-pretentious people who have actually worked a day in their lives. Is Nevan the worst excuse for a human being on this show so far? All signs point to yes.
Imagine what that forehead is gonna look like in ten years. It will be the krinkly karma forehead.
Justin Bobby is in NYC! Oh, wait, it’s just Jay walking down the street. He really does look all disheveled like Justin in early season 3 of The Hills. I bet he smells better, though. He meets Whitney at a bar where she proceeds to tell Jay about what Alex said. Jay says that he and Danielle met at a club, she pulled him aside to tell him she was going home, and he rode her home in a cab. But he didn’t sleep with her. In fact, he’s so insistent on the matter that he pulls out his cell phone and offers to call Danielle and ask her about it.
Whitney, of course, is all, you don’t have to do that. Either Jay is confident or a very good liar, and if he IS a liar, the whole “I-can-prove-it-by-calling-her-right-now” thing was a genius move on his part, because he knew that Whitney wouldn’t let him do it. If it were me, I’d be all, “Okay, if you can prove it, and you’re so insistent on it, then prove it. Call that crazy slut.” But that’s just me. I’m cynical. You can thank someone named Bill for that. Screw you, Bill, you bastard! Whitney says that she’s trying to figure out whom to trust and junk. I don’t know. Jay seems like an on-the-up guy.
Don’t make me call 777-FILM to prove myself, woman.
Over at Bergdorf Goodman, Olivia is going to introduce Whitney to The Manolo (of Manolo Blahnik) because they’re “family friends.” Barf. Whitney should carry around a bucket so she can be sure to catch every name that Olivia drops. Mr. Manolo is signing shoes, and Olivia tells Whitney about how her first Manolos were for her debutante ball when she was 18. Barf.
Whitney and Olivia run into Samantha, a friend (?) who works for Bergdorf Goodman. Oh! Mr. Manolo is so cute when he’s signing Whitney’s shoes! Whitney is all, this is my first pair, and Mr. Manolo does a little dance as he says, “Hopefully not your last, ah?!” So. Adorable. Then Olivia proceeds to tell Mr. Manolo (who’s a “friend of the family” remember) about her first Manolos for her debutante ball, and there are some AWESOME glances exchanged between Whitney and Samantha while Olivia is yapping away. They’re both all, ohmigod, seriously, Olivia? Shut the hell up already.
Wow. What an a hole.
Olivia asks Whitney again about Jay. I think it’s interesting that Whitney just tells Olivia that she and Jay have hit a hump, and doesn’t embellish. It’s almost as if she doesn’t trust Olivia. Good instinct, Whit. Also, every time Olivia asks Whitney about Jay, it sounds like she’s being forced to be good-natured and genuinely interested against her own will. Sincerity is not really a strong point with this one. Also, she’s a little obsessed about Jay. Like I said in the first recap – she’ll end up sleeping with him. OR, she will try to seduce him. Mark my words, Gasmii. Mark my words.
Over at Erin’s place, she and Whitney discuss going out for drinks and fun and a night of “nothingness.” Atta girl, Whitney! So, they go to Tenjune, where people drink and dance. Erin asks for Whit and Jay’s signs: Whit’s a Pisces, and Jay’s a Gemini. Me too! Erin says Gemini’s are supposed to be wild and crazy. And we are. Why, just last night I had one can of beer and fell asleep on the couch watching The Golden Girls. Kuh-RAAAZYYYYY!
Party like it’s 1999!
Adam and Allie (his girlfriend) are there too. Oh, and guess who just “happens” to be there? Yup – Alex. Because Tenjune is the only bar in NYC? Because every other bar on the island was closed? Because the producers called him and let him know where Whitney and Co. were going? Ding ding ding!
Alex, still giving off that weird bisexual vibe that’s so palpable it’s streaming through my computer, blahs to his roommate Shannon about how Whit’s still dating “that guy” who “cheated” on her. Erin, being awesome, is all, “That guy needs to go away! He’s standing right there!” Everyone looks pissed. Alex goes over to Jay, who’s cutely laughing his ass off at the situation, and they leave to go talk about this whole stupid shit.
Jay and Alex fight about Whitney, and Jay is all, you don’t know me, I’m not your friend, don’t talk shit about me, and don’t start shit like this. Word. Alex is all, don’t hurt a nice girl like that, you told Danielle you loved her, and “the truth will reveal itself.” Jay tells Alex to get over it, because Whitney chose him, and Alex should just deal with it. Meanwhile, Instantly Dislikable Shannon is whispering in Whitney’s ear about how these Jay/Danielle rumors have been all over town, and she knows when something’s true cuz she’s lived here a long time. Wow. What a fucking buzzkill!
Girl, you’re about to get your teeth punched straight.
The next morning, Whitney and Jay meet for a light breakfast and discuss what went down at Tenjune, and Whitney talks about Instantly Dislikable Shannon, and is all, “I don’t get why they care so much about getting involved in MY life.” Um. Wow. Seriously, Whitney? You don’t think it might have something to do with the fact that, I don’t know, you have cameras following you around all day? And that there’s a chance they’ll be on TV? Ever cross your mind? No? Moving on, then. Jay says, “Can we just, not even bother talking about grinnymahahuh?” Seriously, I replayed his line 3 times and I have no idea what that last word/phrase was.
Whitney stops in at People’s Revolution in SoHo. Remember? That’s who Whit worked for in L.A. Her boss was Kelly Cutrone. Who scares me. And dozens of other people on a daily basis. Anyway, she meets Kelly for a dish session, and they discuss Whitney’s new job, and when Whitney mentions Olivia Palermo, things get awesome. Upon hearing Olivia’s name, Kelly goes: “Shut. Up. She got a job [eyeroll]? That’s very unlike her. Why is SHE working?”
OK please be in every scene.
Then when Whit talks about the dinner party, and meeting new people, Kelly gets maternal (well, as maternal as she can) and says this: “Sometimes when the kids come back, after they move on, like I feel very nostalgic about it, and I feel a responsibility to make sure that you’re okay.” Then she goes on to say that Whitney should always feel free to come visit her and talk about anything if she’s feeling lost and lonely, whether it’s about her personal life, or if she needs “a good doctor, or the right dry cleaner to use for a couture dress or whatever.” Awww! Then Kelly asks about Alex (cuz she set Whitney up with him). Once again, Whitney explains the Alex/Jay/Danielle situation. This is the fourth time we’ve heard this. Kelly’s all, what would Alex have to gain from setting up Jay? What if you can’t trust either of them? Ouch. No one gives good devastating honesty like Kelly Cutrone.
And with that, we’re out! What’s next in store for our l’il Whitney? I . . . I don’t know. Why don’t online shows have previews for the next week’s episode? Suffice to say I’m sure it will include a fashion-y thing of some sort. Ciao, bitches!