The City: Come Elle Or High Water

After months and months of waiting, it’s time for us to see Whit-Whit’s fashion show! But before that, it’s a whirlwind of activity as Joe Zee sits Olivia and Erin down separately to figure out what’s wrong. Besides, you know, the fact that they hate each other. So Joe gives Olivia a new job at Elle, and tells her to bury the hatchet with Erin. Erin’s totally on board with that . . . um, except only maybe kind of. And probably only for this episode. And Whit’s apparently a spokesperson for some kind of space age zit-zapper, because they show two commercials with her shoving the product in our oily faces. Whit has to book models and makeup designs and make sure patterns are correct and choose looks and shoes and coordinate with the fashion week sweat shop ladies. But don’t worry — Roxy’s totally willing to help out. With the music. Such a helper! The runway show goes off without a hitch . . . or does it?! Yeah, it pretty much does. But we get to see Whitney’s parents! And Kelly Cutrone totally cries!

Are you guys ready for another season of fashion and bitchery? Let’s just dive right in, shall we? Whit and Roxy are at the fabric designers choosing a bunch of fresh and funky material . . . or bland gray stuff. Whatevs. In case you thought they’d be sewing their own clothes, no. They’ll be giving the material to the people in the Fashion Week sweat shop, so they can make them into clothes while earning 10 cents a day. Whit has ONE WEEK (!) to put this all together! She has to, like, cast models, choose hair and makeup looks, think of how to run the show, among many other things.

. . . so Roxy says she’ll do the music. Whit’s fretting that the other designers will know so much more and be so much more prepared than she is. Well, yeah. You might want to be kind of worried, Whit. Credits. Oh, crap, I forgot how much I hate the title song! Boo.

Meanwhile, over at Elle mag headquarters, it must be 3:00 pm, because Olivia’s strutting down the hallway for her 2 hour work day Joe Zee brings her in to have the discussion about how she’s not really getting along with Erin. Wait. Did they not get along? I must have missed that plot last season. Hmm. Joe says that Olivia has a good eye and junk, but he’s sick of the “bullshit” already! Seriously. Joe seems to think that the best thing to do is to put Olivia in another area of the magazine where she’ll flourish. Soooooo, look out Eating Lunch And Texting Department! Olivia’s gonna rock your world!

Over at the sweat shop, Whit asks the Asian dressmakers if she can see some of the outfits that are coming together. Roxy tries her hardest to concentrate and be supportive, which for her means saying that some things are pretty. Good girl, Roxy. Good girl. Whit’s like, Can you have all this stuff done by Tuesday? One of the ladies is like, It will be hard, but we’ll try our best.

Back at Elle, some dude named Seth comes in to give Robbie Myers (Editor-in-Chief at Elle) her itinerary for the day. And . . . that’s pretty much it. Robbie Myers is kinda foxy. You could cut steak with her chin. Joe comes in to give Robbie the 411 on Olivia and Erin and how they don’t get along (again, I totally didn’t get that vibe from them at all last year), and Robbie’s like, Erin’s her senior, so I don’t see why there’s conflict. Which I totally understand. Except that this is a DiVella show. So, we need some producer insisted-upon drama. Mmkay, Robbie? Joe says that they should use Olivia to do some Elle online interviews.

So then they ask Erin to come in, and Robbie asks her about what she said last season (or last week, maybe(?) for the people in the show) about how if Olivia stayed at Elle, then she would leave, and Erin says it was just a heated discussion, and she just got . . . hot, I guess. Joe tells her of their plan to use Olivia to do some Elle.com interviews. The catch is, kids, that some people will probably want to call Erin to set up interviews with Olivia (um, really? I totes don’t see that happening, but whatevs). Robbie asks if Erin’s comfortable doing that.

Wow, this show sure is fast-paced this week OHMIGOD KELLY CUTRONE! Love! She’s meeting with all the designers to see how they’re doing. It’s boring, so I’ll spare you the details on how everyone else is mostly caught up except Whit. Whit says she wants 24 looks, but the other designers agree that she shouldn’t have looks just to have them, she should focus on a quality show. And with Roxy on board, how can she fail?! Massively.

Speaking of shit, Kelly’s like, Shows are weeks and weeks of work and then it’s over — “it’s kind of like a bad shit.” Ha! Hahahaha! I’ve missed Kelly. Although I probably wouldn’t have if I had watched Kell On Earth. I know, I know, I am shamed. Whit tells Kelly that she’s nervous, and Kelly helps calm those nerves by saying that Whit is “fucked if this doesn’t go well.” Nice. Kelly’s like, You have to set yourself higher, and average people like being average because it’s safe. Hells yeah we do! Whit says she doesn’t want to be average.

Over at People’s Revolution, it’s time for the model auditions. The guy helping her says the average age for models this season is 14. 14! Kelly pops by to see how things are going. And she makes Roxy get her a chair. Hee. Roxy interrupts the model auditions for the extremely important question of whether or not they want slow songs during the show. Thank god Roxy is there. She is nothing if not on the ball. Kelly’s like, Are you paying attention at all? Because if you do, you “might learn something.”

It’s time for the Anna Sui fashion show! Now, y’all know that I’m not a big fashionista (in fact, the word “fashionista” is on the list of words I hate the most, along with “moist,” “goiter,” and “Rosie O’Donnell”), but I do get ever so excited for a fashion show. After the show, Joe tells Olivia to go back and interview Anna Sui, and Olivia asks her one question about her inspiration for her show, and then semi-congratulates her on winning some fashion award while casually mentioning that she was at the awards herself. I know, barf. The camera guy, Sebastian, is all, “Good job.” Hey. Camera guy. Yeah, never gonna happen, bud.

Back at the sweat shop, Roxy and Whit arrive to see the progress on her outfits, but they run into a snag (literally and figuratively) when Michelle (a seamstress) tells her that the material Whit bought for the leggings? Not stretchy. Okay, well, that was just mostly figuratively, I guess. That’s not as much fun, but there you go. Oh no! The big fashion show is tomorrow! What will Whit do? Eh, she’ll just find some other fabric at the sweat shop. Whit tells Michelle that she needs the leggings for the show. Michelle’s like, Ummm, that’s kind of like, tomorrow, you stupid privileged white girl. Whitney is all, I knnnnoooooow. I kind of wish Michelle would yell at Whitney in her native language, because that would be awesome.

Over at Zampa coffee shop (or restaurant, I don’t know, check your freaking Zagat guide), Erin’s bored and pouty, which can only mean that she’s waiting for Olivia to meet her for coffee. Erin opens things off by saying they got off on the wrong foot, and that they should try to get along for the sake of Elle. Olivia says that all she wants is some respect. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. MAYBE a touch of take care, t.c.b. And, you know, sock it to me. Olivia’s all, “I do think that we’re each the best at our professions, and I think we’ll do fine. Let’s put this all behind us and just start fresh.” Which leads to our first ever Erin’s Reaction Faces Sequence of the year!

Erin: “I think we’re going to make a great team.”

It’s time for Whit’s show! Are you freaking out?! If you are, then you should calm down, because it’s just a show, you freak. Holy shit!

Whitney apologizes to some guy for “being a bitch.” Hee. Oh, Whitney. You’re so cute! Some lady seriously asks everyone, “Does anyone feel under-confident?” Because if so, she’s got some coke you can totally snort of the toilet in the handicapped bathroom stall. Roxy’s in charge of sending the models out. Oh, fantastic. Show time!

The leggings looked fine, just so you know. I know you were hanging on the edge of your seat wondering about that. There’s a little snafu where some model’s not ready, so there’s some dead space where no one comes out for a minute. They tried to milk some drama out of it, but no, it didn’t work. And then the show is over!

No, not this episode of The City, I’m afraid, just the fashion show. Holy shit! Again!

When everyone’s almost gone, Kelly sits down with Whit and does that really supportive thing that Kelly does that makes us love her. Whit says she couldn’t have done it without Kelly, and Kelly’s like, “Yeah, you could have. This is you, this is your destiny . . . So . . . I’m really proud of you.” And then, you guys? She starts crying! Awwwww, it’s so sweet! Kelly says Whit was lucky to have her family there today, and then this:

Of course, Whitney doesn’t cry, because . . . well, Whitney can’t cry. And I’m basing this off this episode and the one when she left The Hills and LC was all sad and weepy and junk.

Well, that’s it, kids! Stay tuned this season — from the looks of the previews, it should be soooooo effing good.