Working Girl

The Hills

By B-Side | Wednesday, June 14, 2006 | 11:49 pm | 67 Comments

heidi061406 It’s only three episodes old, but The Hills is rapidly becoming the guilty pleasure of the summer. I know, I know. There are a lot of other candidates out there, but c’mon, how could anyone not revel in the quagmire of stupidity that is Heidi? She’s a nonstop trainwreck — constantly oblivious to what anyone thinks or could think about her behavior. That’s why I feel so guilt-free in bashing her. She doesn’t care what other people think. Heck, I’m not sure she can even read. All that matters to her is getting into that club, and she doesn’t care if she sasses the #1 club man in Los Angeles if that’s what it takes. Yes, Heidi began her dream job with Brent Bolthouse this week, and as one might expect, the dream turned out to be a nightmare — that is, if you consider the smallest iota of personal responsibility a nightmare. Do you see what we have to live with out here, people? Do you?This week’s episode began with the typical recap narrated by LC. We relived that joyous moment when Heidi managed to snag an entry-level position with Brent Bolthouse, but Lauren then warned us: “Now Heidi was about to realize that her party job might not be such a party after all.” Yikes. Sounds like she’s in store for a bigger wakeup call than the time she discovered that the Carebears were not, in fact, an applicable college major.

Anyway, we then found LC and Heidi hangin’ out in the apartment, getting ready for the big days in front of them. LC was going to school. Heidi was going to work. The girls were starting bold new chapters in their lives, and yet tension hung in the air. “You’re not really mad at me for not going to school anymore, are you?” Heidi asked. Based on Lauren’s glowering eyes, I would take that as a big, fat, passive-aggressive “YES I AM.”

But instead, LC replied, “It’s kind of weird because the reason you came to L.A. was to go to school.” No, LC. The reason she came to Los Angeles was to be famous and go to clubs. Haven’t you been paying attention?

Nevertheless, Heidi then began yammering on about what would surely be the bestest job ever: working for dreamy Brent Bolthouse (swoooon). She said she was so excited, prompting LC to ask, “What are you excited to do?” Uh… stuff? Heidi replied that she thought the job would be all about celebrities and clubs and whatnot. She also added, “By the way, I’m a huge moron.”

Okay, she didn’t say that. But she did squeal, “It’s my first real job!” Yay! And it’s not even a real job! Good for you, Heidi! Herc-ules! Herc-ules!

We then sat through the tiresome opening credits (the only detraction of the show) and learned the title for this episode: “An Unexpected Call.” Ooh. Sounds mysterious. I didn’t know what that call could be beyond Jason checking in on LC (as seen in promos all week), but in case that wasn’t it, here were my guesses for unexpected calls:

“Hello, Heidi? This is Yale. You’ve been accepted.”
“Hello, Heidi. We are confirming that you will be attending Oprah’s Legend Ball this weekend.”

“Hello, Heidi? Your theorem is being published! Congrats!”

I’m putting money on #2. Anyway, we then headed to the wonderful world of Teen Vogue where LC was busy doing all sorts of important things like… putting a shirt on a rack. Suddenly Blaine paged her into his office. Perhaps he was inviting her to a three-way with Lisa Love? No, nothing as salacious as that, but certainly no less exciting: LC was to courier a dress to New York via a red eye leaving that night. Awesome! But wait, what about schoolwork? Eh, homework schmomework. When Lisa Love says she wants a dress, SHE GETS A DRESS! Besides, it’s not like FIDM will ever kick LC out if her grades start to slip. She’s probably boosted applicants by 300% now. And honestly, can the homework assignment really be that demanding anyway? I’m sure it’s something like “What does the J in J. Crew stand for?”

Now that I’ve insulted fashion students everywhere, let’s just move on. Remember our dear old friend Audrina? Well, she was hard at work manning the phones for Quixote studios when all of a sudden Brian, fledgling Hollywood social climber, walked in the front door. “You’re probably like ‘What the heck is he doing here?’” he joked. Our thoughts exactly. What was he doing there? Oh, that’s right. He allegedly has a crush on Audrina. Or as I like to call it, “an undying desire to be on TV, even if that means banging the random sidekick girl that no one cares about.”

Anyway, Brian explained his pop-in to Audrina, saying, “I saw the huge billboard, “Quixote,” and yeah, I was like right down the street.” You see, Brian often wanders into buildings after reading billboards, which would explain that awkward incident in West Hollywood. Needless to say, he won’t look at that “Boomer’s Backdoor Alley” billboard the same way ever again.

Well, Audrina took Brian on a tour of the studios, showing him the very same soundstages where many a photo shoot have taken place on America’s Next Top Model. On that day, Maxim was doing a pictorial, which allowed Brian to say his smooth line of the day: “Do the models get mad that the receptionist is hotter?” Audrina giggled and gave him that “Stop It!” face, which, of course, means “MORE! MORE!!!!!”

We then headed back to LC and Heidi’s apartment at the Hillside Villas (although, anyone who knows Los Angeles condos can see that they clearly live in The Palazzo, which incidentally are not in The Hills, but I digress). Anyway, LC walked into the apartment holding the Holy Dress of Lisa Love, causing Heidi to look away from the piece of tinfoil in the corner and exclaim, “WHAT IS THAT?”

“A dress,” LC answered, and I shit you not, Heidi replied, “You brought me a present? I love you!” Now, I know there’s a chance that Heidi was merely joking, but I had a feeling she sincerely thought the dress was for her. She probably thought LC had scoured the city for this gift, a token of apology for questioning Heidi’s decision to quit school. Nevertheless, LC informed her clueless friend that she had to escort this dress across the country to her boss, which left one major question to be asked: like omg! What should she wear on the plane??

Well, Heidi recommended crappy clothes for the flight, and then a cool outfit to change into at the terminal. Like best idea ever! Heidi then gushed, “You’re working there for like two days, and you’re already like jetsetting!” Like OMG! We can thank the MTV cameras for that. Come to Teen Vogue, children! You’ll be partying at the Roosevelt and flying across the country in no time! Unless, of course, you don’t have a popular reality show documenting you. Then you’ll just be stuck scrubbing Lisa Love’s corn-infested feet all day.

We then headed to Los Angeles International Airport (I’m surprised they didn’t try to pass it off as Burbank, cheap editors!), and while LC checked in on her flight, Heidi and Audrina had a heart-to-heart in their apartment swimming pool. Heidi complained about how guys from North Carolina and such always act like they’re so nice and wonderful when really they just want to get laid. Well, what did she expect? Did she really want a guy to say, “Hi, I’m a total douchebag who’ll treat you terribly. I just want to have sex with you. So what do you say? Giddyup?” By the way, as amusing as it was to watch Heidi bash guys from North Carolina, she seemed to have forgotten that her luvah, Jordan, was from, you know, North Carolina. Oops!

Anyway, conversation then returned to Heidi’s controversial choice to drop out of college. “Why would I go to school when I already have my dream job?” she asked, somehow divining that the position she had yet to start would somehow be perfect. Well, if Heidi was feeling any doubt about the whole FIDM situation, Audrina put her at ease. “I dropped out too! I was going to OCC.” Great. They’re all dropouts and proud of it — Audrina, Jordan, and now Heidi. To be fair, I could understand Audrina’s plight. Community college isn’t easy, especially with its rigorous demands of “taking classes” and “showing up and stuff.”

The good news was that Audrina at least was applying herself in a nine-to-five (or six, rather) job. She understood the value of networking to some degree and told Heidi, “You’re gonna benefit from [your job] and meet so many people.” To which Heidi replied, “I just want to get into some clubs!” Yeah! Who cares about furthering your career? Get me a shot of Patron!!!

We then saw LC stepping onto her American Airlines flight with the dress. Oh man. This is so what it was like when I got onto a plane when I was nineteen! This show just gets it right!

After the break, we found LC waking up to sunshine on her flight. We also heard the same exact music from sister-show 8th and Ocean playing in the background. Gosh, really cutting corners now, huh? Borrowing from the non-Laguna spawn. That would be like 90210 lifting something from Model’s Inc.. Anyway, LC’s flight landed, and she changed in the bathroom while back in La La Land, Heidi arrived at Bolthouse Productions for the first day of work. She met Brent’s assistant Landon, who despite the name was a girl, and then Heidi sat down with the boss-man to learn her responsibilities. Brent dropped the not-so-bombshell news that this would be a Monday through Friday job, and if Heidi had had some water in her mouth, she would have spat it all over the trendy concrete floor. MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY??? What sort of dream job was this??? “I didn’t know it was like full time. I thought that when you hired me, it was part time,” she stammered. Yes, Heidi, the thing with “real jobs” is that they’re usually every day.

By the way, if you were to ever get a foot in the door of a company and industry that you’d love to be in, and when you arrive you find out that the job’s full time, not just a few afternoons a week, wouldn’t you be really psyched? Why would Heidi ever open her mouth about the hours? Oh, that’s right. She’s an IDIOT.

Anyway, Brent told her that she’d basically be doing errands all day long. A paid intern, essentially. Whatever department needed help was where she’d be working. I’m shocked she didn’t then raise her hand and ask, “Where’s the Meeting Celebrities department?” Nevertheless, Heidi was then given her first task. Ahem, her first DISGRACEFUL task: stuffing envelopes and — wait for it, wait for it — sealing them!! Heidi solemnly began this Sisyphean task, and oddly enough, the producers set this scene to hard-rockin’ guitars, almost as if to say, “Sealing envelopes… TO THE EXTREME!!!”

We then got to see some of the other disenchanted workers stuffing envelopes, and it became abundantly clear that Heidi simply did not fit in. Everyone was all trendy and punk-ish as opposed to Heidi who looked better suited to go galavanting in Forever 21.

Well, as you could imagine, Heidi was not happy with this arduous job. She tried to make small-talk with a girl next to her, who turned out to be an intern from FIDM, but the conversation pretty much ended when Heidi happily announced that she just dropped out from FIDM. See kids? Why bother with an unsatisfying and unpaid internship when you can just quit school and get full-time job in the same field instead?

Back in New York City, LC navigated through the tough streets in search of one Lisa Love. Where could she be? Perhaps she was passed out in the nether regions of Anna Wintour’s opium den. Actually, she was chatting away with someone at the Marc Jacobs show in Bryant Park. LC finally found her boss and awkwardly stood by her side for about a minute until Lisa acknowledged her presence with a terse “thanks.” And with that, LC was sent off, told to return to Los Angeles that night. C’mon, Lisa. This is a reality show. Where’s your fairy tale spirit? Can’t you at least ask LC to hang out a bit, trail by your side? Alas, it was not meant to be. LC was just a glorified courier. Glad all those questions in the job interview about writing have really come into play.

LC: The Invisible Intern!

Poor Lauren. I think she really did expect to be taken under Lisa’s wing (maybe if she hadn’t let Heidi into the party two weeks ago…). Nevertheless, unlike dumb Heidi, LC simply smiled and hid her disappointment, sadly returning to the private car that awaited her. Oh, what horrors! She must ride around in a comfortable and roomy Towncar ALL DAY LONG! Has this world no mercy??

The Devil wears ridiculous sunglasses.

Meanwhile, Heidi was so bored that she escaped to the bathroom so she could make a clandestine call from the toilet stall. “It’s so boring. This is my nightmare job,” she told LC on the phone. And yes, it had only been about two hours. Who would have thought the dream job would turn into the nightmare job so quickly? Oh, that’s right. EVERYONE.

Let’s hope that plunger doesn’t get put to use, mmkay?

LC then expressed fear that her own internship would be too demanding, especially with school. And on that note, we went to a commercial break again. Upon return, we found Heidi finishing up her first boring day at Bolthouse. Before leaving, however, she poked her head into Brent’s office to speak to him for a sec. Uh oh. If she quit, I would be equal parts dismayed and tickled. However, Heidi didn’t quit. Instead, she came perilously close to being fired by telling Brent once again, “I didn’t know that it was like full-time.” He gave her the old “It’s called a job. LOOK INTO IT” bit (not his exact words, but close enough), and eventually, Heidi began to ramble. “I didn’t know that. Coming in, I just kind of thought it was a little bit different, and I didn’t really realize that I want to do it, and I’m excited to do all the events and stuff, and that’s part of what I want to do with my life, and I just didn’t really understand that I was going to be stuffing envelopes,” she said. If it were me, I’d probably fire her on the spot for being such an idiot. But we have to remember that this is The Hills, not real life. Brent and his associate reminded Heidi that before she could walk, she had to crawl, and she eventually left the meeting unconvincingly stating how much she wanted to still work there.

Frances McDormand is NOT impressed.

Later, we caught up with Audrina and Brian as they went on a date to a local Japanese barbecue spot on Los Angeles’s famed Restaurant Row. Things went as predicted, and by that, I mean that the waiter ruthlessly undercut Brian’s manhood. You see, he tried to order a green apple beverage of some sort, but the waiter simply laughed and said, Only women order that… or gay men.” Oh SNAP! Taken down by wait staff. Best restaurant ever! Nevertheless, Brian would not be swayed with his choice, and he resolutely ordered his green apple whatever (insert Japanese word for “Martini” here).

With that out of the way, the two lovebirds engaged in some scintillating conversation. And by “scintillating conversation,” I mean Brian saying, “I really like your hair, by the way.” Yeah, these two were meant for each other.

Audrina then shared her goals and ambitions with Brian. She wanted to downgrade from her full-time job to a part-time position (someone on The Hills wants less responsibility? Why, I NEVER!!). Plus, she wanted to get an agent and go to castings and go to acting school and cure cancer and create world peace and end hunger. Just the usual sort of stuff.

After dinner, Brian followed Audrina to her apartment, and of course, she let him in. Unfortunately, the cameras didn’t follow, which I thought was pretty cheap. I guess I’m too used to the happy exploitation as seen on The Real World.

We then saw the moon go down and the sun come up, and at 6:30 AM, an alarm suddenly went off, and two people groggily stirred awake under the sheets of a bed. Oooh, Audrina! You tramp, you! You let him enter your Quixote studio, didn’t you! Ah, but wait! Those people waking up weren’t Audrina and Brian. They were Jordan and Heidi. Nice fakeout, producers! Very nice!

Well, Heidi had to get up and go to work, but Jordan wasn’t happy about that. He implored her to stay in bed all day instead. “Quit,” he said. Seriously, these people all really know how to look out for each other’s best interests, don’t they?

Amazingly, Heidi didn’t cave into her boyfriend’s tempting wishes. She showed up at work, and it was a good thing, too! Landon was gone for the day, which meant that Heidi had to step up and do some real assistant work. She needed to book travel for Brent and two other people — something that any assistant will tell you is a pain in the ass, no matter how smart you are. I couldn’t even imagine how Heidi was going to handle this task. Oh, and Brent was hungry too. GET HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS A SANDWICH!

Meanwhile, LC returned to the apartment after a long day of jet-setting, and guess what she found? AN UNEXPECTED CALL! Yes, as we’d seen all week long, Jason, her former flame from Laguna, had left a message on the answering machine. I think this was supposed to be a big twist to end the show, but, well, did I mention those MTV promos?

As the half hour wrapped up, we then found LC back at school and Heidi stuck at work. Oh, the rigors of the real world! Heidi in particular was struggling just to make it through the day. On the upside, she did something assistant-ly and filled out a work calendar. Unfortunately, it wasn’t for her boss. It was for her. And all it said each day was “9am Start work. 6 pm Finish work.” GREAT. Way to be on top of that. Actually, it was good that she wrote it down. Otherwise, she could have been sitting at that desk all day and never started work.

The real question is this: at what time does her brain turn on?

LC meanwhile sat in school, and while some girl presented her “trend book” to the class, LC couldn’t help but stare out the window longingly. The producers tried to have us believe she was distracted with thoughts of Jason, but I had a feeling it had more to do with her just spacing out. I mean, she did just fly to and from New York in the span of 24 hours. Or, hey, maybe she was just really bored in class. Not every trend book is as fascinating as it sounds. And they do sound quite riveting.

What did you think about this episode? Thoughts on Heidi?

Comments (67)
More About Author

About B-Side

67 Comments

1

ILUVMTV

Posted June 15, 2006 at 12:46 am

I love “The real question is this: at what time does her brain turn on?”…a big LOL on that one.
2

southernbelle

Posted June 15, 2006 at 1:42 am

So, what’s up with the references to North Carolina? First it was Jordan’s friend asking about the Lauren/Heidi threesome. Because, after all, he was now in LA, not North Carolina (Which reminds me…I’m gonna be in LA in a few weeks. Finally, I get to partake in a 3-some. Awesome!)
And now Heidi-ho has concluded that NC fellas just try to be all nice, but they’re just really wanting to get laid? That’s crazy! This Heidi chick is a freaking genius. I’m sure she’s scoured the globe, and that has stood true for only men from the womanizing, threesome-lacking state which is North Carolina. Christ in a life raft is she stupid. Gawd, I really want to gouge my eyes and ears out when she is on TV.
Two things–no, I’m not from North Carolina. And I will never move there, because they obviously don’t believe in 3-somes. And, yes, I will watch next week.
This PSA has been brought to you by the North Carolina Bureau of Travel and Commerce. And you thought they were known for Duke Lacrosse team.
3

Mansie

Posted June 15, 2006 at 3:18 am

You said that they went to a japanese restuarant… than why the korean cocktail?
4

dsher

Posted June 15, 2006 at 5:31 am

Obviously these people have an extra income (daddy) otherwise they wouldn’t be in such nice apartments and only want part time work at crappy jobs. I’m sure I heard LC say in an interview that she got to bring a dress to New York and hang out at the fasion show, but it looked like she was just sent home immediately. Good recap B-side. The “what time is her brain turn on” was too funny. As well as “She must ride around in a comfortable and roomy Towncar ALL DAY LONG! Has this world no mercy??”. So funny. Thanks
5

holyterror

Posted June 15, 2006 at 6:36 am

Complaining about your job on the first day is a very endearing quality. I’d have relieved her from her misery pronto. “Oh, and you just dropped out of college — BUMMER!” Wait ’til she finds out that when you work events, it’s nothing like simply attending them.

Doesn’t Brent’s office look like a high school sophmore’s bedroom?
6

tvismylife

Posted June 15, 2006 at 7:03 am

My husband and I had fun with last night’s episode. We try to see who can do the best Audrina impersonation. This consists of showing all of your teeth and trying to talk with your mouth slightly open and not move your jaw like it is wired. If you haven’t noticed check her out is really annoying.
7

mikey

Posted June 15, 2006 at 7:12 am

Mansie (#3),

I didn’t see the episode, but my guess is the Japanese restauarant B-Side refers to is Gyu-Kaku, a Japanese chain of Korean-style barbeques that now has a few LA locations (including the Beverly Hills Restaurant Row that he mentions).

Being a Japanese restaurant with a Korean tilt explains why the drink he ordered, (based on my perusal of Gyu-Kaku’s menu) was an Apple Shochu. Shochu is the Japanese equivalent of Korea’s soju wine.
8

AngTexas

Posted June 15, 2006 at 7:28 am

“Boomer’s Backdoor Alley” and “…causing Heidi to look away from the piece of tinfoil in the corner…” made me laugh out loud!! Hahahaha… Good job on the recap. I too am shamefully addicted to this show – it’s getting hard to hide from my husband! I may just have to fess up!
9

gunnit

Posted June 15, 2006 at 7:55 am

Did anyone else notice how when Heidi finally walked out of Bolthouse’s office the second time that the rolled his eyes in exasperation? It was awesome. Serves him right – who hires doopey girls to work for them just because they have a camera crew.

Oh, Teen Vogue does. Lol.
10

lguser

Posted June 15, 2006 at 7:55 am

It’s funny the way Heidi carries her Louis Vuitton when she gets up from her desk into Brent’s office as if someone were going to steal it if it were unattended.
11

HoneyBunny

Posted June 15, 2006 at 8:09 am

Only a few episodes into the show and there seems to be alot of enveloping stuffing and sealing. Have they not heard of Evites?

Do you think Heidi actually logs on to remind her of what time work ends each day?

lguser (#10) I think the bag is a prop that allows her a wider range of “poses”.

hb
12

MissKatrina

Posted June 15, 2006 at 8:31 am

Thank you B-Side, excellent work as always.

I luuuurrrrvve the fact that Heidi has been reduced to stuffing envelopes and/or Brent’s piehole with sandwiches. Hee!

Also, the message on LC’s machine was the longest string of words I have EVER heard Jason utter. Do I smell “Hooked on Phonics”?
13

slynnro

Posted June 15, 2006 at 8:43 am

Did anyone else find it strange that Heidi drives a mere Saturn? Doesn’t really go with everything else we’ve seen about her.
14

bdub

Posted June 15, 2006 at 9:53 am

Heidi claims she dropped out of fashion school. Can you really claim you dropped out when you never actually attended any classes?

Strictly speaking I think she’s something less than a fashion school dropout if there is such a thing. More like a dropout wannabe
15

jenny

Posted June 15, 2006 at 10:06 am

I was amazed at the cleanliness of the bathroom in the airport…I have never see a public bathroom that clean. I know I know it is a TV show….
16

maybeimamazed02

Posted June 15, 2006 at 10:28 am

Brent Bolthouse looks like he shops at Hot Topic, aka Poseur Paradise. What a tool.

Your captions this week KILLED me: “The Devil wears ridiculous sunglasses” and “Frances McDormand is NOT impressed.” I also can’t look at Audrina without thinking, “Look! It’s beef jerky in a bathing suit!”

I wonder if any of these kids realize that full-time jobs often mean MORE than 9-6 these days (particularly when there’s an EVENT coming up, Heidi!)
Their pretty little heads would explode if they knew, which would be quite entertaining to watch, dontcha think? I’m so evil.
17

maybeimamazed02

Posted June 15, 2006 at 10:30 am

Oh yeah, and where the hell was Wh-wh-wh-whitney this week? Probably scrubbing Lisa Love’s floors with a toothbrush. I missed her…she’s a lot cuter and less vapid than Audrina.
18

g-child

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:06 am

Yeah I don’t find Audrina to be anything special in the least. I also loved the previews for next week when the Bolthouse crew is going to vegas…but sorry Heidi you aren’t 21…wah wah wah
19

Terence

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:11 am

Good episode. Haha Heidi. I sorta felt bad for LC having to go through JFK TWICE with such a short amount of time in between visits. Scary.
20

jaliyah

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:26 am

I think Audrina looks very chipmunk – like. And i couldn’t believe the look Heidi gave her boss when he asked her to get a sandwich for her…how in the world can you keep a job with that attitude? Unless you have a camera crew with you of course, but still! Get over yourself!
21

jao2481

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:35 am

Totally agree with the assessment that this is the new guilty pleasure of the summer. Loved the recap. I don’t understand why Heidi got up at 6:30 to get to work at 9am. I’m not familiar with LA – does she live that far from the office or does she need 2 1/2 hours to get ready (and turn her brain on)?
22

kharvill

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:45 am

Whitney and Audrina better do something cool fast, b/c right now they are BO-RING!
Audrina is just the sidekicks sidekick.
23

jaliyah

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:57 am

Does anyone know when Laguna Beach 3 is coming out? Or if it is still coming out?
24

tigereye

Posted June 15, 2006 at 12:10 pm

wow B-side, your speediness amazes me! thanks! so i’m wondering how many times LC changed in the bathroom, cause she had on a black skirt, then after commercials she’s in the blue top… and w/ leaving 1 night, seeing the sunrise (supposedly) on her plane, then heidi gettin up at 6:30 for her 2nd day… was LC gone for like a day and 1/2? this show’s editing it crazy!
25

Duchovnysfan

Posted June 15, 2006 at 12:23 pm

the Hillside Villas (although, anyone who knows Los Angeles condos can see that they clearly live in The Palazzo, which incidentally are not in The Hills, but I digress)

I was wondering the same and said to myself, “wait a minute , that’s doesn’t that look like those nice condos near my house i.e the Palazzo” And they are! I did a *squee* when I read that b/c I live like 5 blocks away from that complex, yay! Yeah it’s not even in West Hollywood so techinically it’s still in Los Angeles, just on the cusp of the Westside, lame MTV producers, very lame.

jaliyah – yes, there will still be the third season of Laguna Beach, it’s coming out in August.
26

Shallow and Pedantic

Posted June 15, 2006 at 1:04 pm

Was anyone else shocked to see Heidi driving herself to work? I would’ve put alot of money on her taking the “Liz Gateley Short Bus” to the Bolthouse offices. And does anyone else think that Brent Bolthouse looks like the love child of Anthony Kiedis and the goth kids from “South Park”?

http://starfcker.typepad.com/photos/stars_ive_spotted/anthonykiedis.jpg

http://img42.photobucket.com/albums/v129/duckayknoxville/south_park_goth_sig.bmp
27

marsgwar

Posted June 15, 2006 at 1:09 pm

we have threesomes in NC
28

rjfrankel

Posted June 15, 2006 at 1:47 pm

Okay, true confessions time (this is my first tvgasm post…) I cannot stand to watch this show…but I love to read the recaps. Is this unusual?

I got strangely hooked on Laguna Beach (strangely, as in I am old enough to be their mothers, yet I was weirdly addicted), and watched episodes religiously on my Tivo. This show, not so much. They annoy me, I don’t care about them.

Yet, I quite enjoy the recaps and plan to read them religiously.

Is that weird?
29

Court_Love

Posted June 15, 2006 at 2:00 pm

I’m a little confused….

How did Jason get LC’s number?

Is she listed in the White Pages?
30

antebellum

Posted June 15, 2006 at 2:22 pm

I hope Jordan is using Heidi for sex. Although, he’s nearly as vapid as she is, so it’s possible they actually think they have a legitimate relationship.
31

sweetleaf

Posted June 15, 2006 at 2:46 pm

That phone call was so staged!! How convenient that Jason called on the speaker phone answering machine! HUk huk!
I don’t know what’s worse… the girls parents paying all thier livving expenses or MTV paying them!

Audrina….why?

Did anyone see the overdrive or whatever special after Cheyenne about The Hills? There were doing a Teen Vouge photoshoot of the four “stars” of The Hills, and I use that term loosey… very loosely.They are big TV reality stars woohooo! Why should they have to do grunt work/stuffing envelopes?
This is definitly the worst almost but not reality tv ever!!!!! I love it!
32

asjs5

Posted June 15, 2006 at 4:41 pm

I’m a little concerned… Heidi didn’t enter in her lunch break. I mean, wasn’t that one of the big perks?
33

stacyrocks

Posted June 15, 2006 at 4:43 pm

I finally got to watch the episode on the DVR. WOW, what a prize Heidi’s bf is! He keeps telling her to “QUIT”! He is so lame. They belong together I guess.

And Court_Love (#29), I was thinking the same thing! So staged! But yet… I like the show.
34

criscogirl

Posted June 15, 2006 at 5:38 pm

Proof that The Hills is scripted:
http://lagunahookup.blogspot.com/2006_02_05_lagunahookup_archive.html

This is one of the many pics of LC and Jason attending New York Fashion Week together. But wait, wasn’t LC only in New York for a day? And didn’t she receive the phone call from Jason after she got home? Ummmm…
35

jtrayne

Posted June 15, 2006 at 7:52 pm

Every time LC is on camera its so contrived. Since when do interns have a car “sent” for them? I’m thinking she can put her 3 series BMW that MTV baught for her in long term parking.

Heidi has emerged as the centerpiece of the show, her idiocy is the only thing the producers can’t script. Reality is always more entertaining than fake reality.
36

zevonia

Posted June 15, 2006 at 8:15 pm

Is it wrong that I just want to slap Heidi until her brain turns on- and then keep slapping?
37

remford

Posted June 15, 2006 at 9:44 pm

“Do you see what we have to live with out here, people? Do you?”

Amen, brother. Amen. I’m a Chicago native, living in N.J, two areas where getting up and going to work every day isn’t just an at-birth instilled set of values, but failing to do so would get your ass kicked so fast as to make your head spin.

I move to ‘Guna in 94, which is admittedly one of the most beautiful areas of the world. However, from the word “go”, I knew that my newly-married ass would never raise a family there. What’s the point of having kids you know you’d grow to hate and ultimately have to mercy kill? Out there, it’s. “Surf’s up? No work today.”. Then you can’t even fire them for fear of the labor laws (and I actually come FROM one of the biggest union hot-beds in the world!

Seven years there and 5 years apart have left me thrilled that I have LB and the Hills to indulge both my love for the area and disdain for the youth culture that is now becoming adults. You have no idea how sad, yet personally edifying it can be to know that each and every one of the pre-teen snots I saw running around with their self-indulgent third-spouse trophy marriages grew-up to becom exactly what I knew they would.

Crested Butte (or Crusty Butt) must be going through similar feelings about being the home town of their prized citizen, Heidi.
38

remford

Posted June 15, 2006 at 10:14 pm

“And does anyone else think that Brent Bolthouse looks like the love child of Anthony Kiedis and the goth kids from “South Park”?

I couldn’t agree more. I mean, Zoolander had Magnum and Blue Steel. It seems that BB has patented the “Perma-Duh” as his one and only look.

Also, Heidi’s little escape into the handicapped stall just reminded me too much of Get Smart. I think Heidi finally found her very own “Throne of Silence”.
39

Ellen

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:10 pm

Am I the only one who’s starting to feel just a teensy, tiny bit bad for Heidi? Ok, so she’s beautiful, has loaded parents and generally gets everything handed to her because she’s a pseudo-celeb, but damn, I wouldn’t even WANT to be as clueless as she is. She was just so genuinely shocked and saddened to learn that life actually requires doing work in one way or another. She didn’t want to go to school because she couldn’t handle doing work, so she got a job which she stupidly assumed would consist of her partying and meeting famous people. Then she was almost indignant to find out that her job is “just like school” – in other words, that she still has to do actual work.

Come on… who could stand being that dumb? Granted, she’s probably too dumb to even realize how dumb she is, but still.
40

remford

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:35 pm

Ah, Ellen, this is why there is truth in the adage “blissful ignorance”. I doubt she’s bright enough to be unhappy. (Unfortunately, she’s not dumb beyond the ability to whine like a red-lined Kawasaki).

In passing, I saw a hillarious nickname she apparently went by in her Colorado hometown. She was allegedly known as “Rocky Mountain Barbie”, and that’s by her hometown community, the people who know her best. I doubt we’ll be seeing any keys to the city coming her way any time soon. (On the other hand, she might be receiving a key or two to suites next door to many “casting” rooms in the future)
41

Ash

Posted June 15, 2006 at 11:49 pm

Honestly, I couldn’t stop laughing about the calendar with the “start work, stop work” appointments! Won’t she be at work before she sees her appointment reminding her to start work? It’s just too much…
42

alienlips

Posted June 16, 2006 at 6:22 am

Heidi’s House of Horrors!

Work!

Responsibility!

Morals/Ethics!

How will she ever escape what us normal folk call everyday life?
43

PattiJo

Posted June 16, 2006 at 6:40 am

Poor, poor Heidi she thought that lady at school was not telling the truth when she said you have to be in the business for along time before you can plan events.

Her face on the previews when she found out she wasn’t going to Vegas was priceless.
The commercial would go like this
apartment in the hills $ (how ever much that is)
FDIM $ (how ever much that is)
Lou purse $ (how ever much that one is)
quiting school and getting your dream job and not going to Vegas because our not 21 Priceless.

I think LC is jealous of Heidi because she doesn’t have to go to school and work. Poor LC has to do both. But LC does know that it will all work out in the end, because one day she will get to play Marcia, Marcia, Marcia on the next Brady Bunch
remake.

I love this show because of Heidi. LC is to boring.
Don’t get me wrong I want to hit Heidi, but she makes the show. Like Kristin made LB the first season because I only watched because of her.
44

MIMI

Posted June 16, 2006 at 6:46 am

I the characters on this show to be the most simple people on the face of the planet. This show cannot possible have much truth to it.
45

MIMI

Posted June 16, 2006 at 6:47 am

I find the characters on this shouw to be fake, fake, fake. Or these could hands down be the dumbest people on this planet.
46

joeyjoey73

Posted June 16, 2006 at 7:44 am

Lisa Love not even asking her 19-year old intern, who just flew 2,600 miles to basically messenger a package, how her flight was…PRICELESS Lisa Tabacceau is my kind of bitch. I’m sorry, but it’s total (deserved) pay-back for the party slip-up.
Heidi is so vapid and evil, LC better wake up and smell the coffee with her “roommate.” I’d be pissed too if I to a new city with a friend and a a plan in place, only to watch said friend abandon everything in order to whore herself out for the party scene.
I’m 32 and completely addicted…somebody help me…please.
47

babeblue

Posted June 16, 2006 at 9:26 am

“Unless, of course, you don’t have a popular reality show documenting you. Then you’ll just be stuck scrubbing Lisa Love’s corn-infested feet all day.”

SUPERGROSS!!

what is wrong with heidi’s bf? i mean seriously. first he encourages her to drop out of school and then he tells her to quit her job. where’s the support and the freaking voice of reason in this relationship. and what the heck does he do besides “lay around in bed all day”?

i’m sorry, but even if i i’m loaded when i have kids and can afford to give them the finer things, i would slap them silly if they EVER displayed the kinds of f-ed attitudes that all these kids (besides LC) have.

they need to go to rev run boot camp. that could be a new spinoff show for mtv.
i love the way he yanks his kids back to reality whenever they start getting caught up in the whole rich and fabulous lifestyle.

p.s. – please recap “run’s house”!!!!
48

murphena

Posted June 16, 2006 at 9:59 am

When people ask me why I don’t have children, I just tell them to watch Heidi. Watching this and even considering the possibility that your child could turn out that stupid is a great method of birth control.
49

remford

Posted June 16, 2006 at 12:15 pm

***NEWS FLASH****

Dateline: Los Angeles

Teen Vogue intern Whitney receives largest-ever intern promotion, advances directly from slave labor to corporate vice-president in single day.

Upon completion of taping of Episode 3 of “The Hills”, intern Whitney was singled out for advancement above her peers, their superiors, and their superiors’ superiors for money-saving idea estimated to double annual earnings.

When asked about the secret of her success, Whitney smiled and replied, “Instead of sending us interns to New York to deliver a dress, why don’t we just use FedEx?”

When asked if she would be pleased to become a direct-report to her recent intern-turned-TV-personality, West Coast Editor Lisa Love replied, “I’m thrilled. From day one, it was obvious that Whitney did her job real good.”
50

couchpotato

Posted June 16, 2006 at 3:09 pm

OMG B-Side this was the best recap ever, you had me dying dying dying! Anyway this show is just plain hilarious. I know, last week I commented that it was boring, but LC standing there hoping for her boss to acknowledge her was so sad but funny. And Heidi, OMG she’s a riot and doesn’t even know it. PattiJo you said it best, if it weren’t for Heidi this show would be dead.
51

Court_Love

Posted June 17, 2006 at 2:53 pm

I just thought that everyone would like to know that today I was getting a pedicure, and I overhear a lady say “and I get a lunch break and everything!”

Do people as dumb as Heidi actually exist?
52

StreetHassle

Posted June 17, 2006 at 5:09 pm

Okay, I finally had enough time to indulge in this week’s episode and these are the things I noticed:

LC shops at Ikea. I know this because I have the same exact bed. Son-of-a-gun!

Bolthouse actually looks exactly like Jim from The Office, only you know, a brunette.

The Devil wears ridiculous sunglasses lady is Nicole Ritchie in 20 years .

LC and the catty backstabbing comments cracked me up.

In the previews for next week, Heidi actually looks like a semi-decent friend.

Jordan the Dunce actually reminds me of my friends…that allow their parents to pay for everything…and don’t have jobs…even though they’ve graduated from college…yeah.

Brian and Audrina are not attractive people; I don’t want see them anymore on a show about the life of hot, young kids in Hollywood: the most superficial place on Earth.
53

jrc2g

Posted June 17, 2006 at 10:09 pm

Did anyone else notice that the book Heidi was reading when LC came in the apartment with the dress? It looked like a Harry Potter book to me.
54

antebellum

Posted June 17, 2006 at 10:23 pm

jrc2g, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Just be glad Heidi can actually read.
55

remford

Posted June 18, 2006 at 4:32 am

About the Devil in Ridiculous Sunglasses…

Here’s an amusing little ditty about the woman behind the specs…

http://pix.popula.com/items/0224/vintage/wintour.html
56

PattiJo

Posted June 18, 2006 at 12:49 pm

jrc2g i watched the thing on MTV overdrive the other day because I was at home and had nothing else to do. When they tour LC and Heidi’s apartment Heidi says that Harry Potter is her favorite book.
57

synmar

Posted June 18, 2006 at 1:44 pm

I watch this show, and I cannot believe people like Hiedi exist. Please tell me she is just acting? It can’t be possible for someone to be this braindead!

I don’t even care about Lauren, I enjoy watching Heidi and her attempt to live the American Dream without a days work.

Her boyfriend is equally stupid, not to mention his solution for anything that requires effort is to “quit”.

Audrina and Brian are just as uninteresting as Lauren.

What’s up with Lauren anyway? She would have been there for five hours if that’s how long it took for Lisa to acknowledge her. Christ, say sometihng Lauren! You have a voice, use it.
58

joslyn

Posted June 18, 2006 at 5:13 pm

This show is great because it shows the flipside of being so clueless in high school. Even if you are rich and cute, you still have to have some sort of game plan beyond going out to dinner and to the club. It’s a wake-up call for young girls and fun to watch for those of us that know better! It’s funny how Lauren looks like a wise sage next to her stupid “friends”. My favorite is Lauren’s looks she give Heidi, like, bitch are you stupid? I also love hoe Heidi doesn’t even notice. Whitney seems pretty level headed, I’d like to see more about her. Great recap B, you had me dying laughing.
59

Farah

Posted June 18, 2006 at 6:02 pm

hey b, i laughed throughout this whole recap!
i just have a small correction to make. the music heard when LC steps off the plane and the song in the eight&ocean theme are not the same. the e&o theme is “beautiful love” by the afters and the one in this episode is “stars and boulevards” by augustana.
otherwise,this was a great recap!
60

miggs

Posted June 18, 2006 at 7:47 pm

criscogirl – i think fashion week is twice a year. i think the one that was on this episode was the fall one. i hope so, anyway, because i’ll be so distraught if this show is really scripted to that extent. of course i’d continue to watch…
61

Ubiquitous

Posted June 19, 2006 at 5:36 am

I was amazed at the cleanliness of the bathroom in the airport… I have never see a public bathroom that clean. I know I know it is a TV show…

I wondered about that as well, especially when she went into the handicapped stall to change her clothes (do people actually do that?) and left all her bags sitting outside the stall unattended. Hmm, that bathroom seemed rather empty, did it not?
62

remford

Posted June 19, 2006 at 8:46 am

I can’t wait until next week’s installment when we get to see exactly what it takes to be let off the hook as LC welcomes him back into her life.

This could be a seminal moment for all men, so pay attention. All we may need in the future is some flowers, failing to shave, and unintelligible mumbling at the dinner table before all is forgiven; and we’ll be able to cite The Hills as a perfectly valid precedent.

So, how long does everyone think it will take before Heidi’s sheets are going to flush with J-Wahl’s forensic DNA?
63

PattiJo

Posted June 19, 2006 at 9:17 am

Heidi is really going to be with J-Wahl? I heard he has a brush with someone but I heard it was someone from the past. Maybe like Jessica, Alex M., or I even heard that it was going to be Kristin. Maybe I am wrong and I sure hope so. Because I don’t think I could respect LC if she takes him back.
64

Jen R

Posted June 19, 2006 at 11:21 am

Absolutely hilarious. My take on the whole spacing out the window segment was that it was all about LC’s internal turmoil over being caught between this crazy Vogue life and school – that is, that her little jetsetting episode allowed her no time to put together her big “assignment” (I guess the thought-provoking “trend book”?!?!) she was expected to present due to her little jetsetting episode. Of course she could have grabbed a few magazines from the airport shop and some elmers glue and pulled this off during her, um, 12 HOURS in the air – but apparantly that was too much. Way to time-manage, LC!
65

hilcat

Posted June 19, 2006 at 12:55 pm

I was torn between thinking she was thinking about the call from J-Wahl or the burden of her “job” and her schoolwork. But probably, she was just vacantly looking out the window. I swear if I had even a penny for everytime she has a “pensive” look, I’d be rich. If only she followed that up with some catty remarks or at least something verbal, I’d find her much more interesting. It irritates me more and more each week that she never speaks.
66

GnomeCorp

Posted June 20, 2006 at 6:23 am

http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/06/fed-ex-takes-day-off-and-restaurant.html
67

joeyjoey73

Posted June 20, 2006 at 8:59 am

Re: LC in the bathroom at the airport. LC took an American Airlines red-eye that usually lands at JFK at around 5:30AM. So, the airport was probably pretty much deserted at that time, so she wouldn’t have to worry if she wanted to leave her suitcase outside the stall while she changed. Also, American’s terminal is brand new at Kennedy and quit spic-and-span. Unfortunately, though, give it 2 years and it will be just as disgusting as most other airports…