Crossing Jordan

The Hills

By B-Side | Thursday, July 27, 2006 | 11:15 am | 47 Comments

Like OMG! Was anyone else like totally crying at last night’s episode of The Hills? Yeah, me neither, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t totally moved. Granted, I was moved to laughter, but hey, something’s better than nothing. For those of you trying to grasp what the hell I’m talking about, on this week’s adventures of LC, Heidi, and their assorted sidekicks, a Very Sad Thing happened. One of the seminal relationships of the show — perhaps the backbone of all MTV — came to a crushing, heartbreaking, and hilarious end. Oh, it was RICH! But I won’t spill the beans about what went down here. That’s after the jump…This week’s episode began with the convergence of America’s’ two finest minds: Audrina and Heidi. The ladies took a seat at the ever-so-swanky Café Tartine and promptly began gabbing about the exhaustive gasbag that is Jordan. He had been bitching more than usual, which was driving poor Heidi crazy. When Audrina asked how long they had been together, Heid merely shrugged and said, “Seven or eight months.” Kind of a drastic change from just a few episodes ago when she was fixating on her six month anniversary. Looks like somebody may have rid herself of the love bug.

Well, Audrina was absolutely shocked to hear that there were troubles in paradise, saying, “You guys seem like the perfect couple.” Huh? What? I guess they looked like perfect couple… to an IDIOT. Nevertheless, Heidi explained that there had been a lot of bickering lately, causing Audrina to then comment, “See, I have different boy problems.” Translation: let’s talk about ME.

Heidi then gave us a detailed account of what the typical argument was like. Basically, Jordan would start snipping, and Heidi would have to say, “Jordan!” I know: intense. Audrina was horrified by this ghastly exchange. “Oh my god!” she said, as if she couldn’t even BELIEVE that Heidi would be so bold as to say Jordan’s name. What’s next? Heidi would have to say something like “Ugh!”?

We then saw the opening credits, followed by the so-cute-it-hurts episode title, “Love Is Not A Maybe Thing.” I thought for sure we’d be treated to some silly antics of the girls shopping or loafing around or whatever, but no, we got right into the drama within seconds. Audrina was chillin’ out on her bed, acting as if there weren’t a whole MTV camera crew lingering in her kitchen, when suddenly there was a knock at her door. Who could it be? Dan the model? Brad the model? Someone else with a monosyllabic name who happened to be a model? Nope. It was Heidi, and as luck would have it, she was right in the middle of an argument with Jordan on her cell phone.

“Do not cuss at me, Jordan! Don’t do that!” Heidi reprimanded through clenched teeth. She kind of sounded liek she were scolding a kindergartner, but then again, given Jordan’s mental functions, that wouldn’t be too far from the truth.

Well, this phone spat didn’t last much longer, and soon Heidi devolved into a sad sack of tears, bawling, “He cusses at me all the time. I don’t know what to do!!!” Question: what was up with Heidi using the word “cuss” so much? Did she just return from the Gone With The Wind convention? I half expected her to say, “Why, I reckon that cussing has left me parched. I say, does Mr. Winthrope have any of those mint juleps that I fancy so?”

Nevertheless, Heidi was a total mess, crying all over the place. Apparently the cause of this evening’s fight had to do with some sort of logistical problem: Heidi was with a trainer and couldn’t pick up Jordan from wherever he was. Hence, he was pissed. Look woman, a man cannot expect to loiter around Niketown all afternoon long!

The good news was that Heidi at least had some sense of self-worth (unlike certain other cast members whose name sounds an awful lot like “Elsie”). She said that Jordan simply could not talk to her like that, prompting Audrina to suggest a possible break from the relationship. At this point, I assumed I knew exactly how this episode would go. Heidi would dump Jordan’s ass before the first commercial break, the next segment would be spent with them both miserable, and then the last act would show their inevitable reconciliation. Or so I thought.

The scene ended with Heidi bemoaning her less-than-royal treatment. “Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess!” she insisted, adding, “Or is it, ‘Every girl deserves to act like a princess?’ Oh, I don’t remember. I’ll do both!”

“I’m vacant!”

Meanwhile, over at Teen Vogue, LC bestowed a compliment on her fellow co-worker, Wh-Wh-Wh-Whitney. “You look so ladylike today!” she said, surely causing fireworks to go off in Whitney’s head. You could practically hear her bubbling, “The girl from Laguna Beach thinks I look cool!”

Of course, Whitney can never go more than twelve seconds without probing LC about her personal life, and once again, in an audio snippet that was clearly added in post production, Whit asked, “Wait! How was your birthday?” She then added, “TELL ME. BRING ME INTO YOUR WORLD!” Okay, she didn’t say that, but it was fairly peculiar that she’d ask this question. After all, LC’s birthday is on February 1st, whereas the rest of this episode took place in late Spring with Summer just around the corner. Either the producers were engaging in some shifty editing again, or Whitney was just really, really lazy about following up on things. I can just imagine her in May asking, “So tell me about your Christmas!”

Nevertheless, LC happily relived her birthday, saying how Jason got them a room in the Downtown Standard and how they ate dinner and then sat on the bed and stared at things n’ stuff. Needless to say, Whitney was completely blown away. “I’m impressed with guys like that because those guys are so young, but they know what to do.” I take it by “they know what to do,” Whitney meant “they treat you like shit all day but then make up for it with some superficial, grandiose gestures that never really address the real problems.”

Meanwhile, back at the Hillside Villas (or as they’re called in real life, Park La Brea), Heidi and Jordan were having A Talk. She may be a spoiled brat and the quintessential airhead, but to Heidi’s credit, she explained her issues with Jordan in a clear and concise and rather open way, saying that he’d been snapping at her way too often. She wanted him to stop going off on her and adjust the tone in which he spoke to her. Jordan’s open-minded response:

“No! No!”

That’s right. He refused to stop snapping at her, which I guess would explain why he then, um, snapped at her.

“Okay, but I’m not going to do that because that’s not who I am!” Jordan balked. Yes, the classic reality star defense: that’s just who I am! Can’t change God’s work! So basically, Jordan was gonna treat Heidi like shit because hey, you don’t mess with perfection, am I right, ladies? Even more laughably, Jordan put a unique spin on his various tantrums. He wasn’t bickering or snapping. He was merely getting “passionate.” You see, when he called Heidi and demanded that she pick him up, he was just very passionate about getting a ride. I mean, having her pick him up is what his life’s ALL ABOUT. Can’t you feel the PASSION???

Passion?

PASSION!

Jordan then accused Heidi of acting like a princess (which was not totally untrue), and her response was the sort of response feminists absolutely love: “I’m a girl. I SHOULD be a princess!” Gloria Steinem, eat your heart out!

Well, as you can imagine, this whole “talk” really didn’t accomplish much; so Jordan left to go play basketball, saying he’d see Heidi later. Or would he? Heidi gave him the big Negatory, and as he walked out of the apartment, she even locked the door behind him. OUCH! Bitch means business! As we went to commercial, we saw as Heidi then called her little dog / oversized rat Bella to join her in her bedroom, but the tiny beast wouldn’t follow, confusion covering her face. Looks like somebody was caught in the middle of a divorce! This was so turning into the dumbass version of Kramer vs. Kramer. However, I’d rename it Princess vs. Douche.

After the break, we then found LC and Jason dining at Mani’s Bakery, located conveniently across the street from PARK LA BREA. Dammit, people. The evidence is too damning! They don’t live in The Hills! They live on 3rd Street! Anyway, I’ve eaten at Mani’s on several occasions, and each time, some crazy bum always walked by with quite possibly the loudest variety of bum-rants. One guy even got on a pay phone and began yelling into it — never mind that he never actually put any money in. I seem to remember him demanding that he speak to a doctor or lawyer, almost as if he were dealing with some idiotic receptionist, but of course he wasn’t, on account of that “not paying for the pay phone” thing. It sounds funny now, but when you take into consideration that that phone was right behind me, it was far from amusing. Nevertheless, this is my long way of saying I’m shocked that no homeless person ran up to Jason and LC and yelled gibberish in their faces.

Of course, who needs gibberish from a bum when you’ve got Jason? He marveled at LC’s ancient status, saying, “I can’t believe you’re twenty.” To be fair, Jason can’t believe a lot of things: balloons, rock candy, waterfalls.

J-Wahl then asked Lauren if she liked what they did on her birthday, and she replied with a distant “Yeah…” Well THAT was convincing! LC then noted that her parents really wanted to take her and Jason out to dinner, causing him to say… nothing. Yes, Jason merely stared blankly at LC as if she were talking like Charlie Brown’s teacher. I guess his whole “I can’t believe you’re twenty” comment really used up all his brainpower of the day.

“Huh? I don’t get it. What does ‘parents’ mean?”

Actually, Jason did resume his speech patterns, telling Lauren that he wanted to get a house by the beach “so bad” this summer. Yeah, how about you get A JOB first? I know it sounds crazy, but usually, when you’re only nineteen and you’re not working and not in college, home ownership is not always the first move. But then again, when you’re as loaded as J-Wahl, a beach house is never out of the question, and let’s face it. He really needs a space to unwind in after all these stressful weeks of hanging out.

Meanwhile, over in Pan Pacific Park (also located across from Park La Brea), Brian and Jordan were walking around, using their five collective brain cells to form sentences and such. Jordan vented about the whole Heidi situation, saying, “If I raise my voice like this, she thinks I’m being attacking her.” Keep in mind that when Jordan demonstrated his raised voice, it was hardly raised at all. And also keep in mind that “I’m being attacking her” was not a typo on my part. I done good in my edumacation.

Well, this all led Brian to weigh in with possibly the most insightful advice of the season as he (in a singsongy voice) commented, “Yeah, whenever girls get mad at something, it’s usually something else that they’re really mad at. They just don’t want to tell you.” So true, Brian. So true. Except in this case, Heidi pretty much laid it all out on the table; so I guess so much for that theory.

Luckily, Brian The Love Doctor had the perfect remedy for this situation. He told Jordan to show up at Heidi’s work in a suit and tie, bring flowers, and beg to go out to dinner. Of course, this wouldn’t necessarily fix any of the problems, but it was the sort of thing that we all knew Heidi would absolutely love. Clearly Jordan would do it, right? Nah. He didn’t want to. Why should HE be bothered with making things better? What sort of relationship requires someone to express their love? Psssh…

Later, LC and Heidi had dinner together and talked about the whole situation. It was clear that things were going south between the lovebirds, causing Lauren to say, “You know that whatever you do that me and Jason are gonna be there. You know that.” Well, at least LC will be. Jason will probably be staring at mobiles.

To be honest, it sounded like Lauren was actually subtly encouraging a breakup as she said things like “Love is not a maybe thing” (hence the episode title). She then noted that while Heidi may love Jordan, she needed to be absolutely IN love with him too. And was she? Heidi reluctantly shook her head and said no. OH DAMN! If ever there was a time for a harrowing yet distant stare from LC, this was it!

We then went to commercial, and when we returned, it was raining in Los Angeles. Like OMG! This was gonna be the saddest day ever! Major to that! We then went inside LC and Heidi’s apartment where boxes of junk littered the living room. Turns out Heidi had packed up all of Jordan’s stuff (and he had a lot), and now it was time for the big breakup. As for LC, she happily sat in the living room, clearly waiting to watch all the shit go down. Heidi, meanwhile, complained to her mom about the Jordan situation, but their talk was short-lived as the man of the hour soon showed up, his orange hair poofier than ever. The two sat on her bed, lips quietly quivering as they realized their magical union might just be coming to an end. It would have been a halfway tender moment had the dumb dog not spent the whole scene jumping around hyperactively, practically humping Jordan’s arms in the process.

This really takes “supplicant” to new levels.

Anyway, as you can imagine from such a scenario, hilarity soon ensued. Jordan totally broke down, crying like a blubbering mess on camera. This made Heidi bawl too, which was amusing, but let’s face it, this was all about Jordan’s crocodile tears. He said he knew he had messed things up, and she said she just didn’t think they were compatible together. More tears followed (and laughter in the TVgasm offices), and then Jordan sobbed that he just couldn’t imagine his life without her. Translation: “I won’t get into clubs! I won’t be on TV! What will I do????”

Eventually, the emotion was just too much, and Jordan bowed his head down, nestling it in Bella’s backside (a maneuver he clearly perfected with Brian and Jason). I couldn’t be positive, but I was pretty sure he was actually wiping his nose on the dog. Gross!

“Heidi, I can’t live without you. Like, I will do whatever it takes,” he pleaded, but in a move of impressive strength, Heidi denied him. Not only that, SHE GAVE HIM HIS KEY BACK. Awww shit! It was OVER! Gotta respect the Little Princess. She did what was right and wasn’t swayed by last minute pleas and tears. Ultimately, Jordan realized his meal-ticket was no longer and sorrowfully left the apartment. And yes, LC was still just chillin’ on the couch. Heidi poked her head out the front door and dramatically said, “Goodbye Jordan,” and down at her ankles, little Bella pawed away, trying to get at her daddy. It was so poetic! And laugh-out-loud awesome.

“Bitch, get outta my way!”

“Let’s pose like we’re the poster art for a French film about lesbians.”

Well, the girls then cradled each other, and soon enough, we saw images of the gray sky, an errant blackbird flying across. If you thought this was the end of the episode though, you were wrong. There was more! We then headed over to Jordan’s apartment where he managed to return without slipping on the front stoop. He told his assembled boyz (Brian, Jason) about the breakup, and everyone was SHOCKED. Shocked I tell you!

“It seems so out of nowhere,” Brian mused. Yes. Out of nowhere. Unless, of course, you’ve been paying the slightest attention to these two over the past eight months.

“I’m just literally in shock,” Brian then said. Poor guy. Somebody get him a cold compress and a juice box. The shock is too much! He needs fluids, dammit!

Jason then chimed in and said that all the times that he and Lauren would go back and forth, they’d always defer to Heidi and Jordan — or Hordan — for strength and advice. Yeah, I’m sure that made Jordan feel much better. The crappy couple outlasted them. THANKS.

Jordan then noted, “It seemed so picture perfect. Like, on the outside, people were always like ‘Oh my God. They’re completely in love all the time.’” Uh… not really. I’m pretty sure everyone in America saw doom. And by the way, I love how Jordan was so proud of his relationship’s appearance. They looked perfect — and honestly, that’s all that matters!

We then headed back to Teen Vogue, and we just knew that Whitney would lap up all this drama. With wide eyes and a slack jaw, she received the news just like everyone else: with total and complete shock. Like OMG! How could they even break up???? Consider Whitney’s brain officially exploded.

Later, LC told Whit about how she might possibly live with Jason in Malibu for the summer. But what about Heidi? What will she do in the apartment all alone? Clearly Whitney was angling for a move-in. She sooo wanted to be central in the group. It’s never going to happen! Or could I be wrong? (Look for a very interesting Whitney post on TVgasm later…)

We then headed to Quixote Studios where Audrina and Heidi talked about all the drama. Would I be blowing your mind if I said that the ever vacant Audrina was absolutely SHOCKED that there was a breakup? Yes, just like everyone else, she absolutely could not believe that this rock, this foundation of the group was no longer. But whatevs! Now they could like totally go out together and have a good time! Yay! And with that, the two girls began excitedly planning their night, thus taking the first steps toward a mended heart.

Suddenly, we saw random footage of a red carpet, followed by more footage of famed hot dog stand, Pink’s. What this had to do with anything was beyond me, but apparently the show was now over because the credits were rolling. Uh okay. Sadly, this turned out to be the penultimate episode of the summer as next week is the season finale. Like OMG! I hate goodbyes!

What did you think? Did Heidi do the right thing?

Comments (47)
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47 Comments

1

monkeypeanut

Posted July 27, 2006 at 11:29 am

Even when I see it coming from a mile away, Toral’s PASSION! never gets old.

Great recap, B-Side, and ever so quick!

Is Brian straight?
2

Tiffany

Posted July 27, 2006 at 11:37 am

“we will be here for you” okay lauren-we get it. You and jason are together, but just barely don’t you think…????
3

Tiffany

Posted July 27, 2006 at 11:39 am

“we will be here for you” okay lauren-we get it. You and jason are together, but just barely don’t you think…????

What was wrong with Jason’s hair?

And Jordan is actually kinda hot on his myspace page with his hair cut low!
4

aloveaffairwithtivo

Posted July 27, 2006 at 11:45 am

I loved when Jordan got back to the apartment after the big break-up J-Wahl said something to the effect of, I thought Lauren and I would break up before you guys…I kinda get where he was going with that, but he’s just such an idiot. Great recap!
5

antebellum

Posted July 27, 2006 at 11:56 am

I can’t wait to see the episode. The death of Hordan! These sort of breakups happen all the time in teen world. I don’t know why it came as such a shock to everyone. Although I remember reading an article that implied that Heidi and Jordan were still together… And don’t forget his reference to “Miss Perfect” on his Myspace. Unless it’s another girl… could there be a reconciliation? We could only be so lucky.
6

MTV4ME

Posted July 27, 2006 at 11:57 am

What in the hell was with Jordan’s hair?

Anyhow, next week LC better choose Paris over Jason. There are so many people struggling their way up to a chance like that and LC has it handed to her to Teen Vogue because of MTV. Sickening!

On a side note, anyone see the episode of “My Super Sweet 16″ where the two girls have 3-6 Mafia play at their b-day party. At the end they’re congradulating themselves for raising 15K for St. Judes….ignoring the fact that they spent 10 times that amount on the freaking party! God, I love MTV!
7

BethW

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:06 pm

I haven’t actually seen this episode yet, but it sounds awful. I know in their world that the break up is probably a huge part of their lives, but to me it’s ridiculous.
8

goodgasm

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:07 pm

“To be fair, Jason can’t believe a lot of things: balloons, rock candy, waterfalls.” Classic!

Jason is an artfully shaved version of Chewbacca. Im pretty sure they’re related. Chewbacca is more eloquent, though.
9

nflow

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:12 pm

at#6
saw the super sweet 16 episode also, the sad part was that those two girls were actually the most tolerable of the entire season, at least they taught about giving a little back
10

Ubiquitous

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:13 pm

We then headed over to Jordan’s apartment where he managed to return without slipping on the front stoop.

Bwah! I have yet to see this ep, but it sounds like a doozy. Speaking of Jason getting a house, what the hell do Brian and Jordan do for employement?
11

dsher

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:20 pm

“He was merely getting “passionate.” You see, when he called Heidi and demanded that she pick him up, he was just very passionate about getting a ride. I mean, having her pick him up is what his life’s ALL ABOUT. Can’t you feel the PASSION???”

OMG! You are too funny! I also loved the “I’m Vacant” caption under Audrina. I thought her hug she gave Heidi was sooo lame.

I was pretty proud of Heidi! I can’t beleive she was strong enough to dump him! Maybe Lauren can follow suit?

Please God say Lauren picks Paris over that loser Jason! Please!!!!
12

Lisa

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:25 pm

Good for Heidi for staying strong. I totally thought she was gonna cave at the sight of Jordan’s man-tears. It was too little too late, and hey Jordan? Yelling and swearing at your girlfriend is never cool, no matter how passionate you may be. And stop saying you can’t change — there’s this thing called “personal growth” and I think you should try it.

When Brian suggested that Jordan show up and take Heidi out for a fancy dinner, I was all WTF? These dudes are so clueless; a broad, romantic gesture doesn’t fix problems in a relationship, it just hides them. J-Wahl did the same on New Year’s and on LC’s bday. Too bad she keeps falling for it! She better go to Paris and not get sucked into this beach house thing.
13

netnuh

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:26 pm

How about Jason flat out saying he thought him and Lauren would be done before Heidi and Jordan?!

who says that?
14

natania

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:28 pm

If Lauren chooses Paris I think Jason will go with her. His beach will be a chateau!
15

joeyjoey73

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:28 pm

OMG B-Side, you rock my world. I literally just got shushed in my office for my out-loud belly laughter at: “To be fair, Jason can’t believe a lot of things: balloons, rock candy, waterfalls” and “Let’s pose like we’re the poster are for a French art film about lesbians.”
I have to say, this is the one time in the past 2 months that I actually think someone on this show made a good decision. Heidi may be vapid and stupid and totally inconsiderate of her friends (I’m still not over the whole VIP section thing from Ep. 1), but I have to hand it to her, she was steadfast and smart in dumping poseur Jason. Btw, Jason as a model? Someone needs to tell him that just b/c he’s tall doesn’t mean he can be a model.
16

MissKatrina

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:50 pm

The universe might implode when I type this, but I was proud of Heidi for standing her ground.

I know LC and J-Blow live together now (thanks, US Weekly!), but I don’t know when she moved in and thus if she took the Paris thing or not. I vote “not” because she’s weak and stupid like that.

I was also surprised that LC’s parents would want to take her AND J-Blow out to dinner. Remember when her dad said that Jason couldn’t come in the house after he kissed stupid Jessica at the fashion show? What a cute, protective “Dad” thing to do. Why doesn’t he do that now?!
17

murphena

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:56 pm

I think the best line was when Heidi said something to the effect of “I can’t even think.” Isn’t that normal for her?
18

Samboomba

Posted July 27, 2006 at 12:58 pm

“Let’s pose like we’re the poster are for a French art film about lesbians.”

I love you, B-side, that made me laugh out loud. I don’t even watch this show, but the recaps are just so… special. Kind of like the cast, but in a different way.
19

Samboomba

Posted July 27, 2006 at 1:00 pm

Oops, are=art.
20

WhosYourPapi

Posted July 27, 2006 at 1:34 pm

Oh Snap, that was an incredibly great breakup! Let’s hope we see an even better breakup next week when LC tosses the illiterate cokehead to the curb.
21

Terence

Posted July 27, 2006 at 2:59 pm

Ahhh nothing like a funny recap! R.I.P Hordan. At least Heidi got her dog. Did anyone else notice Audrina had pictures of HERSELF all over her apartment? Wierd.

P.S. I too have seen the MY Super Sweet 16 and agree the girls were 2% more tolerable. At least they donated.
22

ChickenFriedChicken

Posted July 27, 2006 at 3:03 pm

B-Side, did I overlook this in your recap or did you miss the most damning evidence in the Hillside Villas scandal yet? During this episode, they had a window shot from the apartment (taglined Hillside Villas, of course) and the Park La Brea projects were in clear view!

I puked a lil’ in my mouth when Jason mentioned the beach house at Mani’s and Lauren responded “come here and kiss me!” Barf.
23

Ellen

Posted July 27, 2006 at 4:16 pm

“Well, this all led Brian to weigh in with possibly the most insightful advice of the season as he (in a singsongy voice) commented, ‘Yeah, whenever girls get mad at something, it’s usually something else that they’re really mad at. They just don’t want to tell you.’ So true, Brian. So true. Except in this case, Heidi pretty much laid it all out on the table; so I guess so much for that theory.”

Thank you. I thought the exact same thing. Brian is so useless. He’s even more of a space-wasting nonentity than Talan was on LB. And you just KNOW he has some official website for himself declaring him the “driving force” behind the show.

I’m also getting a little annoyed by Whitney’s LIKE OMG! reaction to every single word that comes out of LC’s mouth. I predict that next week, LC will say that she had Cheerios for breakfast and Whitney will scream “LIKE OMG! CHEERIOS?! RANDOM!!”
24

zevonia

Posted July 27, 2006 at 4:26 pm

Great recap, B-Side. You so nailed it: Jordan didn’t want to break up because he wouldn’t be on tv anymore. I do feel sorry for Bella- and not just because Jordan’s gone. I mean, I find it hard to believe Heidi’s capable of taking care of a stuffed dog, let alone a real one.
And Ellen, be kind to Whitney. She’s always slack jawed because she’s a mouth breather- if she closes her mouth she forgets to breath and dies!
25

suebee

Posted July 27, 2006 at 4:54 pm

Did you all notice what a nicely decorated apartment Audrina has (except for the photos of herself as someone noted)? But then I thought, MTV must have decorated it. But then in the next scene when they showed Lauren and Heidi’s apartment, it was a mess with no style.
26

bdub

Posted July 27, 2006 at 6:19 pm

Heidi gave all Jordon’s stuff back. How bout she gives back the dog?

And also I hate to admit as totally worthless as Heidi is, dumping Jordon is the best thing she’s done all season.

Lauren, for Christ sake DUMP JASON!!!
27

PattiJo

Posted July 27, 2006 at 8:17 pm

I think Bella wanted to go with Jordan. That dog knows who will really feed it and take it outside. The first time Jordan left the apatment the dog wouldn’t go into Heidi’s room with her and then the next time it tried to leave with Jordan but Heidi was in it’s way. That dog knew who was the leader in that pack. the only thing is that poor dog didn’t know it’s leader of the pack choices weren’t that great.

I also noticed how trashy Lauren and Heidi’s apartment was. They had a Laundry bag in their livingroom. I think that maybe they were getting ready to move out. Lauren is going to the beach with Jason and Heidi who knows where.

I read somewhere that Lauren didn’t get the Paris thing because they didn’t like her and weren’t falling for the MTV thing. I hope if she gets the chance she does go to Paris and doesn’t stay with Jason.

Do you think Jason will ask Lauren to marry him in the last show? Because in the Previews you see him give her a box that looks like there is a ring in it. I kinda of think it is her Birthday present and then they didn’t show it on the b-day epi. I don’t think it was an engagement ring I think it was just a ring.
28

Old Smuggla

Posted July 27, 2006 at 10:48 pm

My favorite line of this episode was of course uttered by Heidi, when she and LC were out to dinner: “Boy problems are pretty much the worst problems you can have.”

I was floored. Yes, if you grew up in a sterile gated community in the OC, half-assed it through a semester and a half of fashion school, and had a plum job handed to you on a silver platter, relationship issues might just be your biggest Achilles’ Heel.

However I think the folks who are being bombed on in Israel and Lebanon, and the Indonesians whose houses were just flattened by a tsunami just beat out Heidi by a nose in the “worst problems” competition…
29

tigereye

Posted July 28, 2006 at 7:52 am

Ha! B-side i love you! hilarious recap from beginning to end. The vacant pic of audrina totally made me think of ‘Bring it On’ cheerleaders: We’re sexy, we’re cute, we’re popular toboot! We’re vacant! great hair!… ahh priceless
And the dude at the ‘pay’phone?! haha!! i do imagine that’d be freaky and bothersome, but since it didn’t happen to me, it’s hilarious!!

I read that the France thing-which I’m guessing is the same one mentioned for the finale- was w/ Louis Vitton and they were like ‘um no, why the hell would we want her?. which is a good point, it’s not like she’s actually proven herself in the fashion world yet. MTV and T Vogue just thought it’d be a good finale. So I think perhaps she doesn’t ‘choose’ Jason over Paris, Paris just doesn’t choose her.
30

BethW

Posted July 28, 2006 at 8:27 am

Miss Katrina,
LC’s parents are probably more concerned with keeping their daughter in their lives. My sister’s boyfriend cheated on her and at the time my father wouldn’t let them see each other, but when my sister forgave him, my dad had to too because being in a good relationship with my sister was more important than being a macho dad.
(sentimental!)
31

Ubiquitous

Posted July 28, 2006 at 8:27 am

I finally saw this ep last night. Wow, that rat-dog was really going to town with Jordan’s leg, was it not?
32

MissKatrina

Posted July 28, 2006 at 9:03 am

Excellent point, BethW. I just hope LC will A) come to her senses, B) get a little self-esteem, and C) dump Jason’s stupid ass! No idea what she sees in him, other than $$$, and if she’s into money I’m sure she could find someone else in L.A. who’s rich AND capable of conversation.
33

stacyrocks

Posted July 28, 2006 at 9:15 am

I was happy to see that Heidi had enough sense and self-respect to dump Jordan for treating her badly. Why couldn’t this have been a 2 for 1 and have LC break up with Jason too? Jason seems more worthless than Jordan.

And we all know LC will say no to Paris (even if it is a false offer). She is so hypnotized by Jason’s penis, facial hair and family wealth. Does he work? At all? He buys her things for someone else’s money… how is that sexy? I’m disgusted.

*B-Side, you’re too funny. That recap was awesome. Thanks!
34

stacyrocks

Posted July 28, 2006 at 9:29 am

Oops… it should have said
*WITH someone else’s money.
35

couchpotato

Posted July 28, 2006 at 11:44 am

I loved it when Jason said, “I thought Lauren and I would have broken up long before you two”. Nice way to think about your relationship.
36

babeblue

Posted July 28, 2006 at 3:37 pm

i’m actually proud of heidi for standing up for herself in this episode.

but it was annoying listening to lc try to give heidi advice about love while totally clueless about the crappy state of her own relationship.

i think that heidi is actually being very mature in analyzing what she wants and doesn’t want out of a relationship. lc should do the same.
37

Amanda

Posted July 28, 2006 at 4:49 pm

They must not have stayed broken up for long; did anyone else see on Jordan’s myspace about how he’s still with Heidi? Oh well.
38

danielle

Posted July 28, 2006 at 5:01 pm

“love is not a maybe thing.” ughh, lc when did you become a philosopher?
39

kallies920

Posted July 28, 2006 at 11:03 pm

I haven’t seen the episode yet but I have a reminder set for tomorrow night. I can’t tell you how excited I am that Hordan is no longer. Although I saw both of their myspace sites and unless they’re lying, they’re back together. Of course they’re back together because nobody else would put up with how vapid and pretend they both are. Well, at least Heidi shows some spine and sticks it to Mr. Passion for a little while.

When is LC going to dump JBlow (whoever started calling him that is so right on the rolled up dollar bill he keeps in his wallet). She’s the least brain dead of the bunch and I just wish that she’d grow some balls and get rid of him. What was that lame ass birthday he gave her. What is up with him saying “i thought me & lauren would break up before you guys.” I saw their myspace profiles too and it looks like they’re still together which sucks even more.

Is it just me or do Audrina and Brian make Hordan look like people in MENSA? ‘Drina is pretty to look at so at least she’s got that. But Brian … no. Nothing redeeming about him in the least.

Wh-Wh-Wh-Whitneygate on the other hand, now that’s something to write about. I’ve been suspicious about the whole internship from the beginning. LC isn’t the stupidest kid on the block, but in my experience you have to be a really remarkably outstanding student with tons of extra curricular activites to even interview for one of those positions. Lauren majored in tanning at her parent’s house and graduated high school with a black AMEX card, not honors. It’s so obvious that they wanted both Lauren and Wh-Wh-Wh-Whitney as interns re: the cameras. And Lauren and Whitney are clearly friends from before. Don’t you remember the establishing scene when they tried to act like they didn’t know each other on their first day in the lobby but then promptly started being best friends once in the “intern den.” Please. Don’t even start me on Bolthouse. Heidi isn’t qualified to pick up my dogs’ poop. She doesn’t deserve to be within 50 miles of that place. B-Side major major snaps for your notes that their apartment isn’t anywhere near the Hills. It’s so obvious to anyone who has ever lived in or been to LA. The HIlls, my ass.
40

danielle

Posted July 29, 2006 at 6:14 pm

ok,
so i was sitting here enjoying the hills marathon and the episode w/ the dkny fashion show was on. it was at the part after lauren took her quiz/test and was on the phone w. whitney and whit was filling her in on the dkny show and what happened that day and thats when i spotted it.. the chanel bag lauren was wearing was the exact one that jason got her for christmas. she was wearing it episodes before she recieved. i dont know if this is strange or what. but i thought it was a little weird. did she have this bag and lost it and wanted a new one? did jason regift? or am i just seeing things?
41

I can't believe I post

Posted July 30, 2006 at 10:06 am

Danielle I think Jason was regifting if I am not mistaken that is the bag he got for his birthday from Talan.
42

J-Light

Posted July 30, 2006 at 8:23 pm

In response to your post Danielle yes this is the same bag that she got for Christmas. This show is shown so out of sequence it has become annoying. Example: J-Wahl’s birthday is in January, but in the show it is shown before Christmas. Jason and LC got back together in August of 2005 but Whitney says that she started the internship at teen vogue in September, so they wouldn’t have been back together yet! There are so many more examples but I don’t want to even think about it! oh and I can’t believe they squeeze a year of her life into 10 30minute episodes, that’s probably the main reason they skip around, cause her life really isn’t that exciting to fill in the gaps between the big events! But whatever I will still continue to watch it no matter what they do and B-Side you are the greatest! I have been a long time reader of TVgasm but this is my first post (of many more to come!!)
43

synmar

Posted July 31, 2006 at 1:13 am

Please, PLEASE write something about Jason’s myspace. Its definetely his real myspace because his writting matches with his speaking skills.

http://www.myspace.com/jasonwahler
44

scc152

Posted July 31, 2006 at 9:29 am

i dont think there IS an internship in Paris. it is just some scripted blah blah blah that mtv came up with to add drama.

of course LC and Jason were already together when the show “started.” thus the convenient message left on LC’s house phone to be played for the audiences benefit. Does J-Wahl not believe cell phones either?
45

murphena

Posted July 31, 2006 at 4:42 pm

In the preview for the next episode, what Lisa Love said was that Lauren had been “nominated” for an internship. That doesn’t mean that she actually got it. Maybe it went to some other “deserving” reality TV star.
46

noballs

Posted August 1, 2006 at 11:08 am

Maybe they should change Belle’s name to Ms. Hankey since crybaby uses the dog to wipe his snot.
47

GnomeCorp

Posted August 15, 2006 at 9:11 am

http://ilovecamping.blogspot.com/2006/08/princess-heidi-puts-her-foot-down-in.html