Recap: The Hills: Lauren Fights The Flower Power

The Hills

By B-Side | Tuesday, February 13, 2007 | 6:12 pm | 61 Comments

Here’s how I usually do my TVgasm writing on a Monday night. I watch The Hills, then I write the recap, then I watch 24, and then I write that recap. However, since last night’s episode of 24 was a mammoth two hours long, I figured I’d watch the perils of Jack Bauer before returning to the wonderful world of LC and Heidi and everyone in between. Needless to say, switching gears from terrorist intrigue and murderous grandfathers to passive-aggressive florist adventures is not the easiest task in the world. However, just a few minutes of remembering this fine episode with its copious amounts of Lisa Love haughtiness, Spencer stupidity, and Jen mojito-threatening was enough to rejuvenate my recapping mojo. Oh, Hills. You make Monday my favorite night of the week.This week’s episode began the morning after last week’s show when Heidi had caught Spencer cavorting with a dozen Playboy playmates. Lauren, Heidi, and Audrina all lounged around the apartment, reminiscing on the night that was, with Heidi describing her current, moribund state of mind. “I’m dead. This is death face,” she said, pointing to her visage, which was apparently crossing the river Styx at that moment. Coincidentally, across town, Spencer was pointing to his own head and telling Brody Jenner, “This is dancing-balloon-man face.”

Anyway, after everyone had carefully inspected Heidi’s face of eternal repose, discussion quickly shifted onto more engaging topics, specifically Spencer and his womanizing ways. “He’s just dirtbag, Heidi!” Audrina commented, happily graduating the word “dirtbag” into the welcomed status of adjective. She then completely turned Heidi’s world upside down by revealing that Spencer had brought roses to Audrina when they had met at Pinkberry.

“WHAT??? WHAT???” Heidi balked, furious that Spencer would ever deign to bring floral arrangements to this mecca of fro-yo goodness. Well, actually, she was more upset that he would give roses to THE DRINA, and of course, the girls all got into a tizzy, venting their mounting frustration at Spencer until finally Lauren declared, “CALL HIM ON SPEAKER RIGHT NOW AND SO HE CAN’T LIE! JUST DO IT!!!” And as we all know, it’s impossible to lie on the speaker phone. Some say it’s the closest mankind’s come to a truth serum.

Well, Heidi called up her boy and yelled, “You brought MY roses to AUDRINA at PINKBERRY!?!?!” Wait until she hears about the Peruvian lilies he took to Elodie at Ben & Jerry’s!

“WE HOOKED UP THAT NIGHT!” Heidi continued, still unhinged over this floral dis. Spencer tried to voice some sort of defense, but unfortunately, we couldn’t really hear it. I imagine it went something like “Hey babe, I’m on Team Roses!” Soon, the other girls chimed in quietly, cheerleading Heidi and telling her not to let Spencer turn this all around on her — which I’m sure he did anyway. The call eventually ended, and Lauren advised, “Don’t ever get involved with someone who can manipulate you like that.” You know, like JASON.

We then watched the opening credits and soon found ourselves at Teen Vogue where a preamble of flower and shoe imagery gave way to none other than the grand dame of the fashion industry, Ms. Lisa Love. Time for some passive aggression!

LC and Wh-wh-wh-Whitney took seats in front of their boss, who politely yet disdainfully asked, “Are you both coming tomorrow?” I didn’t know what she was referring to, but I knew it had to be good. Any event endorsed by Lisa Love is always worth the price of admission. Well, Whitney said she’d be unable to attend whatever this event was on account of her getting her wisdom teeth out. I immediately became very excited as the prospect of a swollen, chipmunk-faced Whitney proved too tantalizing for words. Lisa, on the other hand, was less enthused. With her voice dripping in haughty sarcasm, she commented, “That’s, that’s comfortable.” She then added, “I shan’t be associating with you. BE GONE!”

“Excuse me, Whitney, whilst I remove you from my Christmas card list.”

After a while, LiLove clued us in as to what the hell was going on “tomorrow.” It was a luncheon, and none other than Jane Keltner would be coming. Oh, how wonderful! JANE KELTNER! I don’t know who she is, but heck if I’m not excited! Jane, however, was bringing her own intern, Emily, and we knew that could only mean bad news…

Emmmily…

Nevertheless, Lisa Love only had wonderful things to say about this Emily character. “She’s supposed to be incredible. She’s really hard working,” she said, “Unlike you two with your wisdom teeth surgery and beach houses in Malibu.”

Okay, maybe Lisa didn’t say that, but she did list off some tasks for the girls to do in preparation of this luncheon, saying “You might want to do an Excel sheet for me with their phone numbers and addresses.” I liked how she made that optional sounding. Yeah, you might just want to do an Excel spreadsheet. And if you don’t feel like doing that, you might want to PACK YOUR BAGS AND HEAD BACK TO PARK LA BREA!!!

Before dismissing the girls, Lisa then asked, “Who’s the one with the better writing?” Sheepishly, Lauren nodded to Whitney, admitting that her writing might not be ideal:

With Whit assigned to the writing, Lisa then cast her steely gaze on Lauren and declared, “You’ll do the list.” She then added, “It’s a job we reserve for… [looking at LC's handwriting, appearing dismayed]… the commoners.”

Okay, okay. Lisa never articulated that last part; although, I’m sure she thought it. However, before the girls left the office, Lisa reminded them, “Remember: this is the Teen Vogue way of doing things.” And just like that, I had a new catch phrase I’ve been sure to use at any possible instance. I know it might be annoying, but quite frankly, it’s the Teen Vogue way of doing things.

After the meeting, Lauren and Whitney talked about this mysterious Emily and how she had a reputation for being quite precise. “And that’s so not like me,” Lauren said, adding, “Unless, of course, there’s a magic candle wick to be resuscitated.”

Meanwhile, over at Bolthouse Productions, Spencer called up Heidi, who actually answered the phone for once. Sure enough, Spence greeted her with his annoying, lilting voice, this time tinged with passive-aggression. “Look who picks up their phone! About time!” he said, adding, “I’m on Team Answer Phone.”

Well, Spence asked Heidi why she was being so weird and why she was whispering on the phone, to which Heidi replied that she was at work and couldn’t speak loudly. Apparently, this was a new policy (last time I checked, Heidi was the queen of loudly yapping EVERYWHERE SHE WENT). Anyway, while an oddly buttoned-up Elodie quietly observed from afar, the two former lovebirds bickered, with Spencer trying repeatedly to clear his name. “I’m not a liar!” he insisting, clearly overlooking all those times he, you know, lied. Eventually, Heidi proclaimed that she needed to clear her head, causing Spencer to ask what exactly was in her head — aside from echoey noises and the occasional calliope tune. “Playmates running around all over you [are] in my head,” Heidi replied, to which Spencer said, “Yeah, that’s in my head too. Isn’t it great?”

Actually, what Spencer really said was that he wanted Heidi in his life — why else would he be calling? (Um, because he’s a douchebag who just wants a booty call and doesn’t want anyone mad at him and likes to play mindgames with girls?) Heidi told her boy that she needed a week to just think things through, but Spencer was resistant to that idea. WE DON’T TAKE WEEKS OFF IN L.A., MAN!

“You take a week. Let’s see if I’m here to call!” he sneered, as if he’d ever stray far from Heidi and the cameras of MTV. By the way, nothing says “I really do love you” like threatening to be dating a new girl within a week.

After the commercial break, we shifted gears away from Spencer and onto Emily, the much-hyped New York intern. We knew she was from New York because she wore all black, her hair was dark, and she spoke with a sophisticated patois. Anyway, she made herself quickly at home in the intern closet, rattling off a list of “tasks” that she and Lauren needed to do. I only put “tasks” in quotes merely because the idea of including “We’ve got some Mapquesting to do” as a task seemed a bit of a stretch to me. It’s like putting “Launch Firefox” as an item on a To-Do list.

Anyway, Emily, who may or may not have thought she was a project manager on The Apprentice, came to a screeching halt when LC dropped a bomb on her: Emily would have to address the envelopes because Lauren’s penmanship was subpar. She was thus banned from touching any and all envelopes. Upon hearing this news, Emily stopped in her tracks and stared at Lauren as if she were an oversized, talking platypus. She shouldn’t gawk. It’s not the Teen Vogue way of doing things.

“YOU HAVE BAD PENMANSHIP??? MY NEW YORK SOPHISTICATE SENSIBILITIES ARE OFFENDED!”

Over at Bolthouse, a weathered girl named Jen (I think) approached Heidi and confirmed that Spencer was, in fact, a douche. They discussed how he had flirted with all the playmates, and Jen asserted that it most certainly would not have been okay if her boyfriend had ever acted in such a way. There was more general, baggy-eyed discussion, and then we returned to our Teen Vogue interns who were now riding around in Lauren’s car. We learned that Emily was not only a superstar Teen Vogue intern, but also a full-time student at NYU and part-time worker at Chanel. Yeah, but were her sunglasses bigger than LC’s? I DON’T THINK SO!

The girls then arrived at the florist where Emily proved herself to be a whiz with every genus and species of flower on the planet. I swear, if she mentioned peonies one more time, I was going to shred every plant in a hundred-foot radius. However, as educated as Emily was with the flowers, when it came time to take pictures of them, did she have a digital camera? NO. It was LC who saved the day! Not that anyone really noticed. The florist was too busy gushing to Emily about the various horticulture in the shop. “These are incredible,” she said, pointing to a flower. The florist continued, “This is like the most incredible specimen of flower AVAILABLE!” Okay, seriously. Relax. However, the florist became only more excited as Emily revealed that she too had this most amazing specimen of flowers at home. OF COURSE SHE DID. And don’t get Emily started on ranunculuses…

Well, the florist pretty much lost it when Emily correctly identified a dahlia without missing a beat. “You’re so smart!” she gushed, as LC hung back in the corner, feeling the harsh sting of floral ignorance. Oh, to earn the respect and adoration of a dowdy florist…

“I’m so impressed with your knowledge. Do you maybe, I don’t know, want to get some coffee? I have Taster’s Choice.”

Perhaps feeling inadequate for not being able to tell her Lilies of the Field from her Lilies-of-the-Valley, LC decided to drown away her sorrows that night with the girls at local restaurant Luna Park. Unsurprisingly, the topic of the evening did not focus on daffodils and hydrangeas, but instead boys, love, and Spencer.

“The thought of love right now makes me want to throw up,” Heidi said, causing Jen, the over-eager aspiring sidekick, to aggressively chime in with “NO, it makes ME want to throw up TOO because I don’t believe in it!” She then added, “See? I’m a great sidekick! Please make me yours! I’ll agree with whatever you want me to!”

Lauren, meanwhile, highlighted the benefits of having a boyfriend, saying that she really only missed having one when she had a lot of groceries. “I can’t lift them all!” she noted. In other news, Lauren has started to date a shopping cart.

Well, after only a few minutes of bashing love and boys and romance, none other than Spencer began texting Heidi’s T-Mobile Sidekick, much to Jen’s dismay. The quarrelsome third wheel scoffed, “Heidi, I’m going to take this Sidekick and, like, throw it in my mojito!” A threat if I’ve ever heard one before! Beware the wrath of Jen and her all-encompassing mojito of destruction!

In an amusing bit of Hills editing, we then saw the wait staff arrive with two big salads, but as soon as they were placed, the dishes mysteriously disappeared in the very next shot, lost in an unexplained salad vortex. That’s what I call continuity!

Nevertheless, the girls continued on without their salads, with Heidi proclaiming that the topic of Spencer had grown tiresome. “We don’t even want to talk about him,” she deluded herself. “This is ruining the night!” And with that, the conversation quickly shifted to an in depth discussion of Barack Obama’s domestic policy with regards for his plans to lower the unemployment rate.

We then went to commercial, and when we returned, we found ourselves at none other than Wh-wh-wh-Whitney’s parents’ house, which was apparently a Bavarian candy shoppe at one point in time. Yes, I wouldn’t have been surprised if there was a strict lederhosen dresscode on the estate, or as its formally known, Hansel-and-Gretelville.

Is Frodo home?

Well, while the house may have been built by the architecture firm of Grimm & Grimm, Whitney’s room was pure Xtina. I never would have thought this flowery domicile would house a room with leopard skin prints and a red canopy bed. Nevertheless, Lauren arrived to check in on her friend, asking, “How’d your wisdom teeth go?” To which Whitney responded, “Oh, you know, I’m INSTANTLY HEALED!” Yes, as far as I could tell, Whitney was completely lacking in the swelling department, which meant that either this scene was shot several weeks later or Whit had the healing abilities worthy of Heroes.

Anyway, Whitney explained that her surgery didn’t go so well, on account of having dry sockets, and then suddenly, the conversation shifted to talk of Emily and how she was super intern. But wait! I want to know about the dry sockets! What are they? How did she get them? WE NEED TO KNOW! This lack of information is certainly not the Teen Vogue way of doing things.

Alas, we never learned the answers as we headed on over to Bolthouse where Heidi requested the counsel of Elodie (thankfully returned to her normal, casual state). The two girls moved into an empty (but trendy) room where Heidi talked about Spencer, and Elodie, well, she just seemed thrilled to be on TV. The problem Heidi was having was that she was starting to miss Spence and his idiotic ways. UGH. Despite Elodie’s warnings, we could tell that Heidi was definitely headed back to Team Spencer.

“I’m so happy to be on TV!”

We then went to some swanky mansion where the Teen Vogue dinner was about to get underway. What’s that you say? This was supposed to be a luncheon? Details shmetails. Anyway, Emily had apparently raided the Los Angeles Botanical Gardens because the dinner table was overflowing with floral arrangements. Literally, it was like a wall of flowers running down the center of the table. She needed about five centerpieces, not five hundred.

Lauren made a passing comment that perhaps they should scale back on the horticulture, but soon Jane Keltner arrived (yes, the Jane Keltner), and she did nothing but validate Emily’s obsessive, excessive flower instincts. She LOVED the arrangements, almost as much as Emily LOVED the accolades. However, it all came down to Lisa Love, who regally entered the room, praised the table, and then quietly declared that there were entirely too many flowers present. In your FACE, Emily! Score one for Conrad!

“Mwahahaha…”

Once half the floral arrangements were removed, Whitney and Lauren then stood around, literally waiting for direction and pondering if they’d get to participate in dinner. It was only logical — after all, Lisa had ordered them to dress up for the occasion. Well, because someone had backed out from the dinner (probably because they thought it was a luncheon), Lisa told Emily to join the table. As for the other two girls, smell ya later! DENIED! Score one for Emily! Of course, it’s not like they necessarily deserved to be at the dinner table. Last time I checked, Emily did, you know, all the work.

Later on, the two rejected diners found solace in some fast food, telling themselves that it was more fun to chill out in the car anyway. Yeah, whatever. Don’t try to fool us into thinking you can eat solid foods anyway, Whitney and your dry sockets!

Of course, Whitney put a shiny spin on their lowly situation, saying, “At least we got to be part of the process!” YOU SET A DAMN TABLE. Let’s not get too ridiculous now.

Anyway, as the show came to a close, we found Heidi marching out of her apartment building, dressed all nice and surely heading out for a date with disaster, or at least a douchebag. Sure enough, she hopped in Spencer’s car, and the two drove off into the night. Team Idiots. She should really stay away from this kid. It would be the Teen Vogue way of doing things.

Exactly how tall is Spencer’s torso?

What did you think about this episode?

Comments (61)
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61 Comments

1

VilleJ03

Posted February 13, 2007 at 7:00 pm

I love Lauren and all, but Emily made her seem like she was just a waste. Emily was super-intern, but whats so wrong with that?
2

maybeimamazed02

Posted February 13, 2007 at 7:00 pm

YAY! I’m the first!

I did like how Audrina and Heidi finally started bonding together against the douchebag. Then Heidi had to shoot it all to hell by GOING OUT WITH HIM AGAIN. I don’t get it–he’s not even cute!!!!

Emily putting her purse on LC’s desk: the producers didn’t tell her to do that at all! No way was that staged! I was rolling my eyes.

I liked Emily–she was smart and capable. That said, I do know how LC feels: first of all, it’s annoying when a colleague and not a superior just sweeps in and starts bossing you around, and it sucks when said colleague seems to do everything perfectly, while you just stand there feeling stupid.
It does happen.

Loved the comment about Whitney’s parents’ (yes, that’s right, MTV, it’s plural possessive!) house. I was overwhelmed by the whimsy.

I used to really like Whitney, but now she just kind of annoys me. As dense as Audrina can be, I’m almost starting to like her better.

As usual, kudos to B-Side for a stellar recap!
3

maybeimamazed02

Posted February 13, 2007 at 7:01 pm

Crap. I thought I was first. Oh well.
4

jla85

Posted February 13, 2007 at 7:08 pm

I was expecting a little more about Jen trying to take out Heidi’s Sidekick. Maybe she’s jealous…she has competition for that coveted spot…gotta take out any potential competition.
5

HoneyBunny

Posted February 13, 2007 at 7:29 pm

I had no idea when I was Mapquesting that I was doing it…The Teen Vogue way.

hb
6

garcia04

Posted February 13, 2007 at 7:42 pm

Long time reader, first time poster. Warning: Fairly long comment.

Fashion Sense and Nonsense on The Hills:
I am loving the title regarding Lauren’s shades. Those giant bug eyes are what had me tapping my fingers for a chance to comment on the recap. They looked like they were eating her face. I would have brushed it off, but the camera paused on her for so long…
Heidi’s outfit when she talked to Elodie(?) was, ummm, interesting. Shorts with those high boots? I couldn’t tell if she was dressed for summer or fall. Just don’t let Max see. We don’t want another episode with the Spencer (actually, it would be kind of funny. Ludicrous, but funny nonetheless.)

Whit’s Not-so-Witty Banter:
When Lauren was telling Whit about the debacle at the florist, Whit responds with “Shutup!” as if Emily’s knowledge of flora was somehow responsible for global warming. I was half expecting her to respond with “that’s amazing-k”, but to no avail.

And last, but certainly not least, Lauren’s advice to Heidi about the way Spencer is treating her had me on the floor! Seriously, Lauren, watching Heidi with the Spence illicits flashbacks of, oh I don’t know, YOU! I hope Lauren remembers all of the times she forgave her coke-head boyfriend for treating her like poo.

Thanks–I had to get that off my chest.
7

Lime23

Posted February 13, 2007 at 8:19 pm

OK, I’m a first time poster, too. Two things:

A. B-Side, you are (of course) the BEST. Please feel free to take that extra day when necessary to bring about comic genius. These things cannot be rushed.

Which brings me to:

B. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know, but I really thought the handwritten invitation from Lauren in the semi-psychotic scrawl was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long, long time. (Maybe because I can sooo imagine Lisa Love’s reaction to it…)
8

SweetSassyMolassey

Posted February 13, 2007 at 8:32 pm

B-Side, I gotta give you props – this season’s recaps are the BEST! Loved the handwriting and the nod to Devil Wears Prada.

I feel bad for LC, but there’s no way Emily would turn down “internship in Paris” (if in fact there was one) to hang out in the ‘bu with her loser boyfriend. And that is why Emily gets to stay at dinners.
9

claudia tj

Posted February 13, 2007 at 8:44 pm

B side: you are the best.

I have several things to comment.
I think Lauren is just a rude person. She has less than a stellar personality in the first place and is clearly only an intern at VOgue because she has the MTV cameras following her. I think that she should just shut up, stop moaning about Emily, and try to be graceful. Instead of staring into space when anyone asks her a question.
But I guess it is way too much to ask of someone who has zero manners or an ounce of social graces.
What is it with these girls and their lack of a vocabulary? Do thy honestly think they can get away with actually being stupid, not just acting that way in front of the camera.?
Girls: your good looks (cough) will only take you so far in life.
They are annoying-k , but entertaining. I just hope teenagers see these reality idiots for what they truly are: fake , superficial, and stupid.
10

DonAntonio

Posted February 13, 2007 at 8:51 pm

So hilarious that they chose Sia’s touching “Breathe Me” as the final song, as if we’re supposed to be so moved that Heidi’s getting into the car with arguably the biggest toothy douche ever to grace the small screen. Ah, Spence. Love to hate you.
11

monkeypeanut

Posted February 13, 2007 at 8:54 pm

Another great recap B-side…thanks!

But I think Whit has a red CANOPY bed. Though perhaps a canape bed is more Teen Vogue.
12

kevintheomanharris

Posted February 13, 2007 at 9:01 pm

One of your best recaps Mr bside. I dont know what else to say. Keep up the good work though. You really did this recap the teen vogue way!
13

juxtapoeser

Posted February 13, 2007 at 9:26 pm

B-side….dry sockets are probably the worst thing ever. i got them after having my wisdom teeth out and let me tell you — having holes in your gums stuffed with gauze hurts. even after 2 syringes of novacaine.

(the blood clot comes out and the bone and nerves are exposed..sorry to gross you out…and i just realized that your questions could very well have been rhetorical….)
14

maybeimamazed02

Posted February 13, 2007 at 9:39 pm

OMG, that last song WAS “Breathe Me”! As in the very same “Breathe Me” used as the closing song for the very moving finale of Six Feet Under.

Blasphemy. Toothy douches do not deserve such a lovely song.
15

lovedoctor

Posted February 13, 2007 at 10:07 pm

Similar comment to one I wrote for last episode but it bears repeating. The thing that is most distracting to me about Spencer’s face is the fact that he shows all of upper and lower teeth at one time. That is NOT normal – just try to do it and you’ll see….! Incidentally, Audrina suffers from a similar malady – she has that round mouth that shows too many teeth.

Who was Heidi’s other friend she chatted it up with at Bolthouse? The one with the manly thick eyebrows who was trying to convince her that Spencer was merely an innocent bystander surrounded by the playmates at the club? Was she the only one who thought Spencer was without blame? Maybe she has her own man-eyes set on that prize…

I agree that using that song Breathe Me was blasphemy! And right on, DonAntonio (nice reference by the way!), I have now, regrettably, erased the scenes of the touching life-long car ride in six feet under, replaced by that moving image of Heidi climbing into Toothy Douche’s hot rod BMW!

One more thing: very funny to me that the ultra “popular,” and ultra-confident Queen Bee Lauren has finally been made to feel insecure and less cool in the presence of the uber-hip new york intern Emily. It’s about time.

B-side, please tell me you haven’t given up on reviewing Maui Fever, I’m still waiting for your reply……
16

lovedoctor

Posted February 13, 2007 at 10:10 pm

HOW COULD I FORGET?
(how could I resist??)

Wonder if Spencer the love-meister will be taking his beloved Heidi out to Don Antonio’s tomorrow night for Valentines??

Anyone in LA, better take a drive by and let us know…..!
17

hotChocolate

Posted February 13, 2007 at 10:24 pm

My favorite part of the whole episode was the look on Emily’s face when Lauren mentioned that Lisa Love once threw away invitations with her bad handwriting. Priceless!

I love your recaps, by the way. It’s gotten to the point where I look forward to them more than I look forward to watching the actual show.
18

DonAntonio

Posted February 13, 2007 at 10:35 pm

By the way, when Whitney and Lauren were outside the fast food restaurant (the cameras flashed on signs for Johnny Rockets and some other burger place – can’t recall), what were they eating? Whitney made some reference to dinner, but It looked like Lauren was nibbling at some dry cookie.
19

Ash

Posted February 13, 2007 at 10:59 pm

It may be that I’m just a bit tired/loopy right now, but I swear that is one of the top 5 funniest recaps I’ve read on this site! I can’t wait to see how many times B-side can say “the teen vogue way of doing things”, I love it!
Heidi is actually starting to grow on me, despite the fact that she’s a complete idiot. Jen on the other hand I can’t stand, she’s way too eager!
20

Audge

Posted February 13, 2007 at 11:15 pm

B-Side, I love your re-caps! The Drina, Wh-wh-wh-Whitney, and now “the Teen Vogue way of doing things” – you certainly know how to popularize a term!

Anyway, I’m through with this show – Spencer is too annoying. Here’s my last blog on the show: http://audgepodge.blogspot.com/2007/02/my-take-hills-were-dunzo.html

I’ll just read your recaps instead. They’re funnier and then I won’t have to deal with seeing Spencer and his sleaziness.
21

jstar

Posted February 14, 2007 at 12:18 am

I love watching Lauren embarrass herself weekly, so this episode was a treat and a half. I hope Lauren enjoys her internship, because no legitimate fashion house on planet earth will hire her if she doesn’t even know what chinoiserie is.
22

TheGoon

Posted February 14, 2007 at 1:08 am

I thought “breathe me” was perfect. I am not sure how anyone would think that is was a romantic song.

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Sounds pretty dark to me (and perfect for Heidi and Spencer)….
23

g-child

Posted February 14, 2007 at 4:49 am

TheGoon-

As someone mentioned before the song was played at the end of the last episode of Six Feet Under, and it was very moving and touching. Every time I hear it I think of that show and it was one of the best on television. It’s just messed up to hear it on something like the Hills.
24

dsher

Posted February 14, 2007 at 5:41 am

Oh I’m so glad to see the re cap this moring, B-Side. I look forward to it so. As usual it is so funny. Love it!

Lauren can be very disappointing. I wish she would just grow a back bone and not hang around letting “Super Intern” tell her what to do.

Plus the tasks they had to do should only take 5 minutes. Mapquesting doesn’t take two people!

I think there were only 10 people at this dinner. How hard is it to hand write 10 envelopes?

Also, I wish Heidi would realize that Spencer would not be calling her again if it wasn’t for the cameras. I can’t stand that guy!
25

mandymax

Posted February 14, 2007 at 6:03 am

The sunglasses. Oh, Lauren . . . the sunglasses. No, dear. No.

The boots. Oh, Heidi . . . the boots. No, dear. No.

And did anyone else pick up on Lauren commenting to Emily – paraphrasing – that it was so funny that they were going so all out with this “when it’s not even an event. It’s just a dinner.” I just about had a heart attack on her behalf. That was so NOT the thing to say even if you ARE just an intern saying it to another intern with the same company. She may as well just have come out and told Superintern, “I don’t take my job seriously.” Doesn’t she realize that people TALK, and that that comment likely got back to Lisa Love before she even got home that night? Clearly Emily was taken aback by that – and rightfully so. I adore Lauren, but she’s got a lot to learn about professionalism.
26

divinemissc

Posted February 14, 2007 at 6:52 am

Love the recap! Great job Bside…

Apparently Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy was the music supervisor for this episode of The Hills. Might explain the shift in music. I thought it was great…

And as for Heidi…SPENCER?! Again?? Really??? What a loser. Balloon head and all.
27

MissKatrina

Posted February 14, 2007 at 6:56 am

I agree that Lauren needs to “grow a backbone”, but I think many of us have been there before, so she’ll figure it out. Dumping that loser 8-Bahl was a great start!

Emily sounded like she was 40. Is she the picture that west-coasters have of people from the east coast?
28

tater

Posted February 14, 2007 at 6:58 am

This was pretty much a boring episode. As much as I hate The Spence, him and his friend Brody showing how not to date women makes the show more interesting.

But the recap is great!
29

mo_knows

Posted February 14, 2007 at 9:46 am

Wow, MTV’s editing is really starting to get uber annoying… why would Whitney & Lauren need to send out invitations to a luncheon/dinner when it is the next day?? Little late for that, don’t you think??
And Whitney is supposed to have her wisdom teeth out the morning of the party, but then makes it there that night looking fine (even though she had “dry sockets”) and manages to eat regular food too? I think not… Why does MTV feel the need to mess with timing so much? What would be wrong with having Lisa Love say “THere’s going to be a dinner party in 2 weeks…blah blah blah”
Love doctor- I think that Kristen chick talking to Heidi about Spencer and the playmates was the one working the door of the club that night and saw him come in with them, so I think Heidi was looking for more info from her.
GO AWAY SPENCER!
30

silentfire

Posted February 14, 2007 at 10:44 am

Thank god I am not the only one who thought that LC’s shades looked ridiculous! They were huge and made her look like an alien.. I don’t know what to think of Emily, she is smart but I wonder if she is stuck up/arrogant. When heidi went into the car with spencer….well it brings more truth to the idea that girls date guys who treat them like shit
31

Ubiquitous

Posted February 14, 2007 at 10:47 am

But I think Whit has a red CANOPY bed. Though perhaps a canape bed is more Teen Vogue.

Sounds more like some sort of Top Chef/Top Design cross-over to me.
32

CMC

Posted February 14, 2007 at 11:40 am

I don’t think there is anything else that can be said about Spencer. He’s a vinegar-filled douche-bag who should have been out of the picture long ago¦.but he’s not. Heidi deserves so much better but apparently she doesn’t think so and therefore we still have to watch the creep.

Speaking of Heidi, I’m not sure if that is her natural walk or if she plays it up for the cameras. But she seems to really shimmy and sashay with her hips swaying from side-to-side in dramatic fashion while walking for the cameras. I’ve seen her do it before in past episodes, but there was one scene in this recent episode where her walk was very much exaggerated.
33

livemusicjunkie

Posted February 14, 2007 at 12:20 pm

Having worked in the “corporate” world for over 15 years now, I’m wondering who in the world HAND writes envelopes these days. Why would you??? There are so many fancy fonts and it looks much more professional, no matter how good someone’s handwriting is. Weird.

As for Heidi, I’m so surprised to see all the “Heidi fans” on here. I think she’s a complete tool and a giant waste of air (and our LA air is bad enough w/out someone like her here to suck it up). Spencer sux, but so does Heidi.
34

mplsgirl

Posted February 14, 2007 at 1:48 pm

Hey B-side, hilarious recap. Seriously, where do you come up with this stuff(dancing-balloon-man-face, Bavarian Candy Shoppe for Whitney’s house!) I especially enjoyed the Teen Vogue dinner invitation scroll! I look forward to these recaps all week and it was worth waiting an extra day for this one!! Without sounding too much like “sidekick Jen” – you are one talented writer!!
35

Miss Information

Posted February 14, 2007 at 1:50 pm

That recap was awesome. I got a lot of weird looks at work today, sitting in my office alone laughing. That happens a lot with TVgasm. I say a daily prayer that my office never blocks you. Thanks B-side!
36

couchpotato

Posted February 14, 2007 at 2:49 pm

OMG Miss Information I think the same thing all the time, that my office doesn’t block TVgasm; that would be the worst.

B-side are you sick of hearing how brilliant you are? Well you are!

livemusicjunkie – It’s not abnormal for companies like Vogue to handwrite invitations; it’s a much more personal touch.

claudia tj- I have to agree with you regarding LC. She has no personality at all and appears rude a lot. When Emily who she’d never met before introduced herself, you would have thought she stole Jason away from her or something.
37

bama girl

Posted February 14, 2007 at 3:02 pm

I agree, the glasses were stupid. Heidi looks anorexic at times. Spencer is ugly with blonde pubic hair on his head. Emily reminded me of an up-and-coming Martha Stewart. I remember sidekick Jen from Laguna Beach. She annoyed me then too. I don’t know why they let her hang out. I think Lauren is really nice and means well. She’s not the smartest girl, but I think her heart is in the right place. This Spencer must have something going for him–what does he do for a living? Why does Heidi think he’s a catch? Oh, and I thought that Heidi’s short shorts and boots looked cute. I was jealous because you can only wear something like that if you are that skinny.
38

reeeeelbigfsh

Posted February 14, 2007 at 4:20 pm

Questions!

Last season, Heidi seemed like a completely confident and self-sufficient person. She had no problem breaking up with Jordan who, granted, was more innocuous than Spencer, but who had been in her life longer. So why is she letting this dick-in-a-box push her around and worm his way back into her life? I wouldn’t expect that from her.

And now for a more pertinent question: Who would you rather look like, Lauren or Heidi?

Just curious. My opinion changes from week to week.
39

nyclivin

Posted February 14, 2007 at 4:29 pm

Just wanted to share an article about SuperIntern Emily: from Radar Magazine. Eeeenteresting, no?

Um, and for the record… I think I would rather look like Lauren– she has better hair.
40

maybeimamazed02

Posted February 14, 2007 at 5:35 pm

nyclivin–definitely Lauren. She has pretty hair.

Plus, we have the same name!
41

kizik

Posted February 14, 2007 at 6:17 pm

I can’t think of a single character on this show whom I like, or am rooting for. At least in “Laguna Beach” there was Rocky… she seemed cool. There is no one I can identify with. Who the f*** is this show targeted at, anyways? Chubby girls from Kansas City, sitting on their couches wishing they were the next LC?

It is a problem for a TV show when there are no characters (and yes– the people on your TV are characters– reality TV is anything but) that we like or relate to. Even that guy Brody, who I thought might be OK at first, turns out to be a total douche idiot. What was up with that date with Lauren? Can anyone say, “Trying way too hard, never ever getting laid?”

–Josh
42

moodylupin

Posted February 14, 2007 at 7:35 pm

Well, speaking for myself, I might have “received” Emily the same way that LC

I mean, great for Emily that she is all knowledgeable, handy and all. Great. But I see myself totally clashing with her … and i can’t even explain it, haha.
I mean, I would treat her bad or anything, I would smile to her and all, but nothing more.

She’s too much, too much that seemed … too much, haha.

And nyclivin, thanks for that link … i knew something was off with that Emily!
43

maybeimamazed02

Posted February 15, 2007 at 10:14 am

moodylupin, I know exactly what you mean about Emily.

Case in point: I used to work with a girl who was already a licensed attorney (I don’t have my license yet), worked at Goldman Sachs in New York AND as a Swiss ski instructor prior to law school (I worked in a state-run office), was skinnier and blonder than I, and loved to play touch football (I prefer theatre, movies and TV. I was also a dancer, not a sports person).

Sickening, right? So yeah, I knew how Lauren felt when Emily swept in.
44

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted February 15, 2007 at 12:30 pm

It seems like Emily and Lauren are coming come from completely opposites sides of the spectrum. Even before I read the article posted in the link posted above, I had Emily pegged as coming from old money, lots of it; and boarding school (I’d place bets on Miss Porter’s). Emily was the type of kid who met her grandmother for tea at the St. Regis every Sunday, and started drinking Cappucino by age 7.

Lauren is a public school kid (an elite school I’m sure, but public nonetheless), newer money background, and a more middle-class sensibility – which I don’t think is a bad thing by the way. Lauren is more likeable because she’s more relatable, she’s an all-American girl next door type.

Lauren is 21 going on 22, Emily is 21 going on 60.

I love Heidi, I think she’s an absolutely stunning girl. I like her personality, her loyalty to Lauren, and her genuine-ness (sp? word?). Spencer is a total douche, but she’ll figure it out. Most girls have that asshole bf in their past, they’re hard to resist because they overwhelm you with their charm, and you don’t really see that you’re on a slippery slope. They’re Narcissists, and unless you know what they are they’re hard to spot. Lauren eventually figured it out with 8-Bahl…

Heidi seems to have a naturally low threshold for bullshit, so I don’t think she and Spencer will go too long-term. She’s way out of his league, I bet she’ll end up with a serious Hollywood player in the end.
45

heehaw

Posted February 15, 2007 at 12:47 pm

emily rules.
it is nice to see her combination of brains and beauty on this show. interesting how they had to ship someone in from the east coast to fill the void created by the vapid morons that reside in cal. lauren and heide come across as having zero intelligence and drive. so much for looks and money. i guess everything is fake in la.
46

antebellum

Posted February 15, 2007 at 1:47 pm

I too was expecting Emily from The Devil Wears Prada. But I’m with Lauren on this one. I would tolerate her, but I wouldn’t like her either. I think everyone knows someone like that who’s an overachiever and just far too perfect… or else talks themselves up like no other. Either way, those kinds of people are annoying.

I think Lisa Love was just pissed about Whitney having her wisdom teeth out, because that meant she’d have to rely on LAUREN!! Dun dun dun! I’m assuming that’s why she felt she needed to call in Emily, too. God, I love The Love’s PA and underlying hatred for Lauren (you know it’s there).

Poor, poor Heidi. I guess it’s really hard to see through Spencer’s charm, though. Yuck.

A final thought: I for one am really glad that Lauren started going by that name instead of LC. I don’t know why.
47

memyI

Posted February 15, 2007 at 1:48 pm

Emily proved herself to be a whiz with every genus and species of flower on the planet. I swear, if she mentioned peonies one more time, I was going to shred every plant in a hundred-foot radius.

B-side, i nearly choked on my wheat thins when i read that. But it was worth it…awesome recap

You read how Spencer is Heidi’s “manager” now? oh god
48

murphena

Posted February 15, 2007 at 3:11 pm

Ever notice how when there’s an event of some sort, Whitney has other things such as school, dental surgery but yet she always pops up at the end when all the work has been done?

Emily really did make Lauren and Heidi sound like total idiots. I hope she’s more representative of girls her age, but somehow I don’t think so.

Finally, everytime Lauren meets with Lisa Love she looks like she’s about to cry… You think by now she’d be used to the condescending tone of LiLove. Lauren really does need some assertiveness training or something. Creating a show around her probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but she’s just not that interesting.
49

msu11y28

Posted February 15, 2007 at 3:25 pm

I really truly despise Spencer. See if he’ll be there in a week until Heidi clears her head? As long as the MTV cameras are still around, Spence isn’t going anywhere.
While Emily was definitely capable she was also way too much of an annoying overachiever type…I guess I’m in the minority but I LOVED Lauren’s reaction to Emily’s explanation of her busy schedule…the most unenthusiastic “woww….” EVER
50

askingautumn

Posted February 15, 2007 at 3:53 pm

Holy crap!! that brat Emily grew up near my hometown in CT!!! gahh that flower power loving bitch!! haha just kidding, as always keep up the awesome work B-Side!!
51

cbgb

Posted February 16, 2007 at 6:36 am

murphena – yeah what is up with Whitney not being able to be there, but able to show up right at the end when things are already done.

I still don’t know about Lauren. She kind of seems stuck up to me.
52

porcelain

Posted February 16, 2007 at 9:26 am

cbgb- Lauren seems kind of stuck up to me too. But I also think it’s partly because she’s shy so she comes off as being stuck up because she doesn’t know how to relate to people, or how to act around people that are different than her. She can’t just be herself because she’s not very confident. And she doesn’t know much about the world except her Laguna Beach bubble and having everything handed to her.

btw wannabe sidekick jen is too eager and the sad part is nobody seems to care, does she not realize how annoying she appears on tv?
53

kizik

Posted February 16, 2007 at 7:13 pm

Porcelain,

about Lauren/LC/I’m Prettier Than You–

she is definitely ALOOF. She acts better than other people, cold, insincere. Whether it’s a case of being stuck up or shy (as Larry David says, “You’ve got shy/asshole confusion, my friend!”), she’s still a bitch. And “The Hills” isn’t even about her anymore.
54

aurora116

Posted February 16, 2007 at 8:26 pm

I didn’t think Emily was that bad and it didn’t seem like she was trying to boss Lauren around. I mean someone has to regulate on who does what or the work is not going to be done. As much as I like Lauren, I didn’t really like her in this episode because of her attitude towards Emily. She wasn’t openly being mean to her but her tone of voice and facial expressions was not too friendly.
Also I can NOT stand Jen. She has been a total suck up to Lauren since Laguna Beach and still is a suck up to Lauren and Heidi now. I really wish they would not show her anymore because she annoys me.
55

McCreamy

Posted February 17, 2007 at 9:59 am

Lauren needs a serious fire lit under her ass. It’s painful for me watching her muddle through this fabulous oppurtunity. She doesn’t seem like her heart is really in her work, it’s almost like the IDEA of working in fashion appealed to her but the actual process and time it takes to work your way up isnt worth it to her. She makes me sick with how jaded she acts. I would want an Emily-type over Lauren working for me any day!
56

claudia tj

Posted February 18, 2007 at 5:39 pm

B side, please comment on The Tyra’s show appearance of cast memmbers from “The Hills”.
It was awesome..
Lauren wore the shortest white dress ever, we almost got a glimpse of her goods. And when Tyra, who is an expert at making every single thing in the world about her, asked her if she regretted not going to Paris, it was obvious she was fuming … She is so rude, she could not even answer the most simple questions without giving her attitude. It annoys me. When she signed on for a reality show, especially one that was going to be released on DVD, she should have been informed that promoting it on stupid talk shows was part of the deal.
57

claudia tj

Posted February 18, 2007 at 5:40 pm

B side, please comment on The Tyra’s show appearance of cast memmbers from “The Hills”.
It was awesome..
Lauren wore the shortest white dress ever, we almost got a glimpse of her goods. And when Tyra, who is an expert at making every single thing in the world about her, asked her if she regretted not going to Paris, it was obvious she was fuming … She is so rude, she could not even answer the most simple questions without giving her attitude. It annoys me. When she signed on for a reality show, especially one that was going to be released on DVD, she should have been informed that promoting it on stupid talk shows was part of the deal.
58

2oldinNJ

Posted February 19, 2007 at 4:07 pm

I say Lauren snuggling with the cat. What happened to Bella? You know, the dog that Heidi LOVED? So, so sad. Should have stuck with the dog, Heidi!
59

ICTHUS

Posted February 19, 2007 at 8:25 pm

THE ONLY HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY AT WORK WAS READING TVGASM AND MY WORK BLOCKED THE SITE!!!!

It’s probably my fault b/c I was on here so much. It was accessible for about 5 months until recently……Oh the horror!
60

missrhodeisland

Posted February 20, 2007 at 1:34 pm

These bitches are just boring. All they seem to do is stand around staring blankly into space while someone else does everything for them. Do they have anything even remotely interesting going on in their lives? And what is with all of this wishy-washy sniveling behind each other’s backs, and the subsequent lame “confrontations”? All of these people on this show need a good hard punch in the nose and a foot up their ass.

What kind of message are they trying to relate with this show? What demographic are they aiming at here? What a load of horsecock, lol.
61

ABC Girl

Posted February 21, 2007 at 6:40 am

Need proof that Brody & Spencer are really jerks?

Well, here you go:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20012316,00.html

Watch your backs Lauren & Heidi. They’re trying to “feed” you too…