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Wednesday, September 19, 2007
12:54 pm
37 Comments
This week on The Hills, not enough happened to fill up 22 minutes of air time, we here at the gasm were reassured that we are in no danger of The Hills girls taking over our recap jobs, and the editors fell asleep at the dubbing wheel.
Business or personal?
We hear in Lauren’s voiceover opening that Deadrina took off for the WHOLE WEEKEND with Bustin. What?! They didn’t just go to the beach and have another metaphor-laden discussion about not dating, sealed with a does-this-mean-I’m-in-the-buddy-zone fist punch or, worse, a high-five?
Deadrina bounces into the apartment wearing a hoodie from the Punky Brewster collection. On the back is the number 77, which in numerology means holy emptiness. Holy emptiness, Bustin! Look at the happiness in Deadrina’s eyes! LC and Dead hug like they haven’t seen each other in years. LC asks what they did on their trip. According to Dead, they “had good talks and fooled around and were silly.” I like to imagine them discussing what colors look best with their skin tones, after they sign into the hotel as Mr. and Mrs. A. Sole and play mad libs. But they probably just boned all weekend. So is he going to buy the cow? Dead told him to make it or break it, which sounds like a sexy double entendre, but it isn’t. He chose to “make it” which I guess means they’re boyfriend/girlfriend. All I can think is that it means she had sex with her nightgown on like in Forever by Judy Blume. Recapping her own show, LC tells Deadrina that she had coffee with Jason, but nothing happened because they were both sober.
And then, to lighten the mood, she does a completely inappropriate Deadrina impression.
It’s time for an award ceremony at Chez Janky! The Monchichi put the toilet seat down for once! He wants an award! Heidi says she’ll give him one in a way that makes me feel gross, like the way you feel when you see two drunk people making out in public. He wants to go to work with her because even if he beats his high score again, he’s already used the initials TIT and FUK and ASS on all the arcade machines, so it’s no fun anymore. Heidi would love to bring him along, but she’s afraid Elodie would see and it would make her feel bad she doesn’t have the privilege of bringing bratty evil children to the office, too. Heidi should go into voice -over work because when they dub in her voice saying “It’s business, not personal” regarding Elodie, it sounds so real.
Over at Teen Vogue, Whitney and other employees are seated in the conference room, tablets open, pens uncapped, ready for anything. I hope Lisa Love comes in, points at someone and yells,”You’re fired!” just for kicks. No one can take fashion for eighth graders that seriously. But, unfortunately, the young Hollywood party is coming up, and it is no joke. Lisa assigns Whitney the job of location scout. Since Marc Jacobs is showing his line this year, it’s really important to find a place with a VIP area where Marc and his friends can drink Red Bull in private. LC is nowhere in sight, so it looks like she’ll be steaming dresses and tracking down hung over models as usual.
Heidi shows she’s committed to proving herself in her new position by arriving at Bolthouse after everyone else does. Elodie doesn’t respond to her breezy hello. Heidi begins to train her intern assistant. She doesn’t take calls from anyone besides Spencer, Brent, and Jen. That’s how you build client relationships. Let them know you are more important than they are. Elodie quietly builds a bomb out of paperclips and white out.
Horizontal stripes = danger
Whitney and LC arrive at the Regent Beverly Wilshire to scout it as a possible location for the Young Hollywood party. Whitney is bouncing ideas off the hotel manager while Lauren leans on the wall. As soon as the manager leaves, LC perks up. “Guess who I went to get coffee with yesterday?” Wait, does she recap the coffee date again? Ugh, she does. Why doesn’t she call Lo now and tell her, too? We’ve got all day.
Back at the office closet, and after exchanging a few agreements about the fact that the spaces they looked at are too small, they get back to their real work, gossiping. LC tells Whitney that Deadrina went away with Bustin for the weekend. Why don’t these girls just watch their own show? After agreeing not to comment on Deadrina and Bustin, they do a rapid fire comedy act Abbot and Costello would have been proud of:
“There’s no need for anyone else to get involved.”
“No.”
“No.”
“Mmm.”
“Bad news.”
“Yeah.”
“Uh-uh.”
“Lesson learned.”
“Fer sure.”
“Stay out of your friend’s love life.”
“Never do it.”
“Mm-mm.”
If only they were conjoined at the hip and could play piano
Just then, The Wahl calls LC and invites her to dinner. Whitney’s eyes almost bug out of her head. When LC tells her he invited her to dinner at Ketchup, Whitney says they can “ketchup on old times or ketchup on new ones.” Then she breaks into “Swanee, how I love ya, how I love ya!” The kid’s got talent!
“How To Be an Awesome Boss,” by Heidi Montag.
1) Arrive late.
2) Have your unpaid assistant do personal tasks that you find tedious, like reprogramming your new cell phone.
3) Talk to your boyfriend as soon as you arrive with the door open.
4) Ignore the disapproving stare from your passed-over coworker.
Um…like…security?
Spence invited Heidi to Ketchup to celebrate her new job. Hey, wait! Isn’t that where Jason and Lauren are going? Is this a set up?
LC and The Wahl arrive for their ambush at Ketchup. LC appears to be drinking a cosmo. Way to support! The Wahl bounces up and down and slides his head back and forth. Hard to occupy your body when you want to pound a few jack and cokes. As LC tries to engage Jason in a conversation about interior decorating, J rubbernecks a chick passing by. He almost breaks his spinal cord, and Lauren calls him out. “What?! Did you think I was checking her out?” Honesty is such a lonely word. LC isn’t playing, so he admits that she knows him to well. “I know you better than anybody,” LC says in a babyish voice. I wonder if she means better than she knows anybody else, or better than anyone else knows him. Either way, it’s a lose-lose.
Speaking of a lose-lose, Speidi roll into Ketchup, spying LC and Jason so quick you wonder if maybe somebody tipped them off. Spence does a driveby insult as they are shown to their table, something about how heartwarming it is to see them back together. LC tells The Wahl she just hates Spencer, and doesn’t like him breathing near her. LC was all flirty and happy before they walked in and now seems dejected. Speidi, on the other hand seem high as kites at the prospect of a face-off. They giddily joke to each other about Jason getting out of rehab, or jail haha! “Maybe they’re back in the movie-making action!” Heidi laughs. Then she looks directly into the camera and says, “But I DID NOT START THAT RUMOR. I JUST THINK IT’S HILARIOUS TO REPEAT IT.”
When the waitress comes over, Speidi think it would be soooo unbelievably cool of themselves to send Lauren a drink and Jason a bottle of water. They are such immature dicks. Jason wants to just stare at them, and LC pleads with him to sit there and talk to her and ignore them. When the waitress brings the drinks, LC and J refuse them. Heidi peers over her menu. “Boy that was rude,” she notes. I know! Whenever I receive a gesture of pure hostility I always accept. It’s the polite thing to do! Jason says there are going to be some serious beat-downs. Since he doesn’t name names, I think the first to get a knuckle sandwich will be the segment producer.
In a heightened state of delusion, Heidi can’t believe that after all they’ve been through that Jason is the one LC still talks to instead of her. She was there through everything! As Jason and LC leave, Heidi yells, “Bye! Have a good night!” and waves. I can’t believe LC doesn’t want to talk to you either! You’re so sincere!
Hit him.
As LC and J drive home, they recap the encounter. Heidi betrayed them. And Spencer didn’t even know them when they were together! Jason never even met him before! That was ridiculous! Any flirtation is gone. They both feel bad and kind of self-conscious about being together. As Jason drops her off, LC hovers a little bit, seemingly unsure if it was a date, and if there will be a kiss. There’s nothing, not even a hug. Not even a vague “see you soon.” Just a good night and a door slam.
Back in the officecloset, Whitney tells LC they’re going to scout places other than hotels. Then, back to work! LC tells Whit she went to dinner last night with Jason. Then she gives Whitney a play by play of the scene we just saw. Ugh. Boring.
Heidi wanders into Bolthouse, where Elodie is already diligently working in the common area. Heidi plops down and regales the tale of last night’s encounter. Are the editors smoking pot? Yo! We saw the scene! Why do we have to hear about it two more times?! Elodie has had it and asks Heidi what she did to Lauren that she won’t even accept a drink from her. Heidi can’t think of anything to say, because “it’s business, not personal” doesn’t seem to fit here. Elodie points out that Heidi used to also be friends with Whit and Audrina and now no one will talk to her. Heidi seems to be having a hard time comprehending that Elodie is no longer her friend, either. Elodie goes on to say that Heidi doesn’t know right from wrong and it’s really sad. WOW, Elodie. Then she’s like ” See ya!” The look on Heidi’s face is priceless!
You try and be nice to an underling…
All is not lost for our heroine. She meets Jason for coffee. He’s looking for apartments in the paper. Hey, Jason. Times have changed since you’ve been in rehab. There’s this thing called the internet and this guy named Craig who created a list. LC offers to help him look since she has the whole weekend off. Uh, oh. Enabling? And then, she offers to have sober nights with him. They can go to comedy clubs, bowling, movies. Her eyes are all glowy and enchanted. They gaze all goo-ey at each other. It’s supposed to feel hopeful, but becasue we know Jason is engaged in real life, I just feel dread.
Speidi go to Don Antonio’s for the 1001 time. Spencer wants them to give him an award! Don Antonio’s should make a plaque with his name on it and put it on the booth! He toasts Heidi’s new position which she totally deserves! Besides, he told her she wouldn’t regret it! How many days are they going to celebrate this?
She might regret it a little bit, because she has insomnia from the stress of the job. Then while we watch the back of Heidi’s head, the editors lay down another line from Heidi’s dubbing session: Elodie has to understand, it’s just business. Since at this point, it’s clear that that is not Heidi’s genuine sentiment, I load my bb gun and shoot my tv.
TV Social
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37 Comments
Loved the recap! First!
Loved the recap! First!
Loved the recap!
First!
I just loved when Elodie layed the smackdown on that horse-faced hooker! I wish Jason had knocked that flat-faced Monchichi out too. They are the two most odious people I’ve ever seen. Way to behave in a restaurant. Totally classless. Check out the 4,200 NEGATIVE comments about Heidi’s Vegas performance on that fat bitch Perez’s site. There is NO love for that chick. NONE at all.
The dubbing was so bad, even I noticed it this time!!! I had to rewind at Speidi’s apartment to hear her say “Elodie has to understand, it’s just business nothing personal” in that horrible way again.
You are so right about her not knowing what to say to Elodie because “it’s just business, nothing personal” didn’t fit there. That cracked me up. I also like how after Elodie administered her smackdown, she was like “well i need to finish this, so see you later!” Did she not get the memo that Heidi has an office and assistant and she does not?? Who is Heidi supposed to talk to when it’s just personal, and not business? I couldn’t believe she said Spencer, Brent and Jen were the only calls taht got put through, and in that order. I guess no one else in the office is worth a shit besides the mighty Bolthouse himself.
Seriously, what does Spencer do all day? I was concerned when he was sitting at the counter before Heidi went to work, instead of at his usual station on the couch with his laptop.
Is it just me or are Heidi and Spencer starting to even look alike? I don’t know what kind of make up she wears but she looks like a wax figure. Maybe Spencer created a replica of her like in the Stepford Wives…
Great Recap!
I cannottt believe Heidi have the nerve to talk to Elodie like she didn’t screw her over! Pathetic!! I was just cracking up during that whole scene about her stupidity
Please, someone get Heidi a brain. She has no friends, no life, nothing. Spencer is her everything. Remember when he dad said she puts all her eggs in one basket. Hello? What’s gonna happen when Spencer dumps her on her ass? Well maybe that won’t happen either since it looks likes he’s done a good job at alienating all his friends too.
Annnd, I like how Heidi tells her assistant to only put through calls from Spencer, Brent and Jen. Again, no friends. Heidi is delusional because even Jen doesn’t like her anymore.
Hello,
This is my first time posting since LB1…
Anyway, I love Lauren just as much as the next person, but she tends to contradict herself in a way…
Like when she told Audrina that Justin/Bobby was bad for her, but then she said in another episode that she likes imperfection and in this episode, that she doesn’t want a perfect guy… Just an observation.
Also, while I don’t agree with Heidi, she brought up a good point. From what I read online, Jason did some pretty shitty stuff to her, and now she’s talking to him again. Was Heidi worse than that? JUST ASKING, I still hate Heidi…
AND, didn’t she say that Jason never liked Heidi? And that he told her she couldn’t be trusted? Blah, blah, blah…. Isn’t that kinda what Spencer said to Heidi about Lauren? Not to be friends with Lauren? Why is okay for Jason to “look out” for Lauren, but Spencer is evil for saying the same thing?
I am in no way condoning Speidi at all!! I hate them, they suck, they are the shit of the earth… so someone please help me make sense of this!! It’s driving me crazy, but Lauren tends to be all over the place..
I love elodie too!
How about when Heidi got a new phone and told her assistant to move all of her contacts from her old phone to her new phone!! I could not believe it!
Nacho Mama: the reason Jason looking out for Lauren not being as bad Spencer: Because Jason didn’t flip out and take over her life…he let her make her own decision about Heidi but just spoke his opinion…who knew he had that much maturity.
It’s really disgusting that Speidi acted/thought that they were honestly being nice by sending Lauren a Shirley Temple (which for those of you who don’t know is non-alcoholic) and Jason a water. They have really created their own universe haven’t they?
It was so hilarious how absolutely dumbfounded Heidi looked when Elodie was passive-aggressively rubbing all that shit in her face. She had NO CLUE what to do with herself!
AND Heidi could at least pretend for a few minutes while at work that she actually deserved that promotion. I have never heard of anyone coming in to work after getting a promotion, asking their assistant to do persoanl shit for them and then loudly talking to their boyfriend on the phone so that everyone could hear that she wasn’t working. At least close the door and pretend your talking to someone important, good God!
“Elodie quietly builds a bomb out of paperclips and white out.”–so funny! I almost wish she would (and that it would actually work).
Team Elodie all the way.
Its about time Heidi realized she is being a major brainwashed jerk
I have never hated television “characters” so much as i do Speidi! lol. I seriously have to fight the urge to throw things at the tv.
The Speidi segments are so over-dubbed that I don’t have any idea what’s going on! I know they say that they act for the cameras and that the show is scripted, but no one else has as much voice-overing as those two.
Also, Heidi’s face/hair is the color of evaporated milk. Spencer ought to take off the shock-collar and let her go outside to get a tan, homegirl is looking ghostly.
I was very excited to see the return of DON ANTONIO’S!! I bet all the waiters call them terrible things in Spanish and Spence thinks they’re charming nicknames.
Hi!
This is my first time posting
But just want to say love reading your recaps, they are hilarious
Heidi and Spencer came out looking like such b*tchazzes on this episode. They were being so obnoxious and mean, and Heidi has nerve to pretend like she was being nice.
I am not ready for next weekes episode, don’t want to see the akwardness of jason being engaged, poor lauren.
Plus I think my fav. person on the show is Whitney, she has or atleast shows the least drama and makes the most sense!
It appears to me that Heidi and Spencer are OBSESSED with Lauren. Spencer is the one who made a point to make snarky comments to Lauren and Jason in passing, they’re the ones who made a point to send sarcastic drink choices to the table, Heidi is the one who made a point to scream “Bye!” at them when they left. Why couldn’t they just leave Lauren and Jason alone? What kept needling them to make their presence known to the other two??
And can I just say that Jason is actually impressing me this time around? Amazing what affect sobriety can have on articulation.
hey
Long long time reader of tvgasm. LOVE IT.
I want to shake Elodie’s hand. She stunned Heidi into silence. It was hysterical. I don’t know if anyone has seen the clip of Heidi singing her new single (its on TMZ), but it is completely and utterly ridiculous. It’s a total riot. And the whole time Spencer is in the back acting like pimp-daddy. I just can’t get enough of these two idiots.
I wish LC went to Ketchup with Brody.
I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised that after her big promotion, Heidi considers it acceptable to arrive later than everyone else, take advantage of the interns and make personal calls a top priority.
After all, she was promoted by the man who thinks it’s OK to open staff meetings by dishing about LC’s love life.
Okay I have already stated my comments about Speidi plenty of times. They are disgusting, especially Heidi. Spencer’s just dumb but she’s a manipulative, fake, backstabbing bitch. She will gets her soon enough, cause karma’s a bitch, just like her. LC and Jason were very mature in the situation, and I have to hand it to both of them for not going over and throwing those drinks in both of their faces.
I also LOVED when Elodie put the verbal smackdown on Heidi. She did it perfectly. Heidi was literally speechless. Hahaha, she is such an idiot.
Oh and I completely agree with Mandymax, #16.
Heidi and Spencer are SO into this little “feud” with Lauren. Lauren clearly doesn’t like either of them, but made it a point to just ignore them. But they were the ones who were instigating 100% of the situation. Neither Jason or Lauren said a word to them the entire time. They didn’t have to speak, they could have just stayed away from each other. This proves that Heidi & Spencer are immature and have no real lives.
I have been reading tvgasm for a year now and finally had to post – I LOVE Elodie for letting Heidi have it. It was so deserved! You could tell in past years that Elodie really didn’t care to hear Heidi bitching about her personal life but now she could finally tell her to f**k off.
Oh and Ting, thanks for making the crack about Marc Jacobs and Red Bull, good to know you’re up on your fashion gossip!
When Speidi were at dinner, Heidi mentioned that she deserved the promotion b/c she had been there 2 years.
But last week Elodie said the she had been there 2 years. And was like oh you got here right before me? And she’s like, yeah ONE YEAR before you. which would mean Heidi has only been there one and is delusional! ick.
Go Elodie! bolthouse sucks, i wish she would have quit, what a joke.
Didn’t Spencer’s mommy teach him to chew with his mouth closed???
i now hate jauren more than spiede.
I need to stop drinking during this show so that I can hear the voice overs/dubbing. I feel like a loser for missing it!
Trivial-I noticed the same thing about Heidi not remembering/admitting how long she’s been at the job. The chick loves to exaggerate big time, or she’s suffered a head injury at the hands of Spencer, and now has no concept of time…
It was priceless when Elodie told Heidi what she really thought. And the look on Heidi’s face, was ” Oh crap, I just pissed off one of my two fake friends… Better set up a breakfast with Jen Bunney…”
Ting, loved the remark about Elodie making a bomb out of paperclips and whiteout- destined to be a classic!
In the previews for the next show, they break out the infamous red plastic cups. I’m guessing they aren’t full of club soda, so is anyone trying to keep Jason sober????????????????
i liked jason better when he was loaded. what a bore.
Ting!!!!!!!! I love the recap and photo captions!! This was by far the best ep yet, E-Load-y laying the truth on Heidi and the look on her face was priceless!!! And the dubbing was so obvious on this ep as well as the “ketchup” setup. I was thinking when Spencer was sittin on his computer on the sofa again, “what does he do for a living?” when i remembered he is Heidis manager, thats for real he said that in an interview and if you saw the vidoe of her lip synching her new single at her birthday you know he is going to be rich B*tch, cause that girl has talent and is going places!!! (total sarcasm)
Ting!!!!!!!! I love the recap and photo captions!! This was by far the best ep yet, E-Load-y laying the truth on Heidi and the look on her face was priceless!!! And the dubbing was so obvious on this ep as well as the “ketchup” setup. I was thinking when Spencer was sittin on his computer on the sofa again, “what does he do for a living?” when i remembered he is Heidis manager, thats for real he said that in an interview and if you saw the video of her lip synching her new single at her birthday you know he is going to be rich B*tch, cause that girl has talent and is going places!!! (total sarcasm)
Love the recap, Ting!! So funny.
I loved what Elodie said to Heidi. Someone needed to. BRAVO!! Did anyone see the new Us Weekly? Speidi is quoted in there saying that Lauren was/is obsessed with them and has stalked Heidi’s parents. WHAT?!!! What idiots!!! What kind of crap will they think of next?
Talk about sad!!!
“How To Be A Great Boyfriend,” by Spencer Pratt
1.Effectively ruin your girlfriend’s relationships with all of her friends, so she’ll only look to you for support.
2.Have the wall of your living room multi-color graffitied with the word “Hollywood” as a super-sweet surprise.
3.Spend thousands of dollars on useless crap like a fishtank in a big leather case. Girls love useless crap.
4.Manipulate your girlfriend until she can’t tell right from wrong, thus driving away her one remaining friend.
5.Make such an awful first impression on your girlfriend’s parents that they try to talk her out of marrying you.
6.Ditch your best friend because he’s “rolling around with your enemy.”
7.Refuse to tell your parents about your girlfriend, because hiding your girlfriend from them makes her feel loved and appreciated.
Wish i remember where i saw it, but it said that Elodie already left Bolthouse. Also, she is 27! Who knew? BTW, here is a blog that recaps the hills, not nearly as well as Ting or any of our beloved past LB/hills recappers – but the pics are pretty!
http://www.blog.ienhance.com
SevernCrew82, Can I ask where your name came from? I have a guess, and would like to see if I am right…sorry everyone, I know it has nothing to do with this forum.
SevernCrew82, Can I ask where your name came from? I have a guess, and would like to see if I am right…sorry everyone, I know it has nothing to do with this forum.
SevernCrew82, Can I ask where your name came from? I have a guess, and would like to see if I am right…sorry everyone, I know it has nothing to do with this forum.
i’m so sad tvgasm+the hills isn’t like it used to be….lagunaconsulant is VERY MISSED!!! banned from commenting???? seeing paragraphs of silly argurements ughhhhhhhhh tvgasm ain’t the damit!!!!!!!, wherre are the shit talkersssssss come on!!!!
samxx7 –
I think the verbal sparring in the comments are down this season because most of us are united our Speidi loathing.
This season has been a drama disappointment.
Ho hum….Speidi are still public embarassments….yup, J-Bahl is still out of the picture….snore, Lauren still works in a closet
Deadeye’s “relationship” with Bustin is the only thing that stirs a little controversy but not much
cuz
really –
it’s just Bustin
yawn
MORE LISA LOVE!!!
Ok Elodie is pissing me off – jobs are not like boys. You cannot have a crush on a job and expect all your friends to stay away. The business world is not high school. Elodie needs to realize that Heidi might be obnoxious, but she had every right to apply for that job. Its just how corporate America goes.
Second – Heidi was not ‘taking advantage’of her assistant by asking her to load her phone. That is what assistants are for. Her phone is a business necessity and therefore not a personal request – it would be different if she asked her to go home and water her plants, feed the dog and pick up the dry cleaning.
Get a clue people. Heidi may have done some rotten things, but she isnt overstepping by tossing her hat in the ring for a promotion. If Brent had thought Elodie was the better candidate for the job, then Elodie would have gotten it.