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Tuesday, March 20, 2007
3:13 pm
239 Comments
Well what do you know; we’re not the only ones who had some issues to work out. Those mischievous producers over at MTV, they always know exactly what we need. Apparently, we all had a fever, and the only prescription was more Hills!
Lauren starts us off by rehashing the events of the previous week, which is par for the course by now. As bland as New Year’s Eve seemed to have been, apparently, it was the best New Year’s Lauren has ever had. Unfortunately, Heidi had been keeping a secret from her. She caught wind of it from Lo, but Heidi was about to tell her the secret, HERSELF… Dunh Dunh Dunh
I’m SO her BFF
Boy Friend F*cker
We soon catch up with Lauren and Heidi milling around their kitchen in the supposed Hillside Villas. Heidi gets things rolling by telling Lauren, “Oh my God, you’re not going to guess what happened to me on New Year’s.” Lauren decided to get witty again and responded back with, “You kissed… a boy?” Oh Lauren stop, your killing me. When is the next open mic night at The Comedy Store on Sunset? Sign this girl up.
Heidi then revealed that Spencer had asked her to move in with him. Lauren already knew this though, so instead she chose to prod Heidi about telling Lo first. Heidi quickly brushed Lauren off, determining now would be a better time to try and build up her man. “I thought it was really nice of him to offer… You know, that, he wanted that.” Well if by nice, Heidi meant extremely disturbing, then yes, it was very nice. Lauren isn’t buying into the gentlemanly gesture though and said, “That kind of freaks me out, like, I got to be honest. I think if a guy after a few months asked me to move in with him, I would be like whoaaa.” She then prefaced that statement by adding, “Unless of course, it involved 8-Bahl and a beach house in Malibu. Heck, I would even blow off a summer internship in Paris for that.”
Heidi: “He asked me to move in with him!”
Uh Oh, She already knew
Oh, this isn’t good
I think I just shat myself.
ÃŽ think she just shat herself
It was now time for Lauren to ask the question on all of our minds. What was Heidi going to do? Surprisingly, Heidi eased all of Lauren’s fears by letting her know that she had turned down Spencer’s offer. Wait, what??? I thought we determined that Heidi’s will had been completely broken in the last episode. Maybe we underestimated our young, blonde comrade. She stands by her master after all!
Lauren seemed very excited about the prospect of Heidi sticking around. And we all know what happens when Lauren gets excited: Clothing analogy time!”A good roommate is like a good pair of jeans. You know what I mean? You hang on to those no matter what.” Well, I can’t really relate, but regardless, I’m not so sure I’d consider Heidi a “good” pair of jeans. After the events of the last few weeks, Heidi seems more like a beaten, mustard-stained pair of Levi’s.
After the credits, we see the title of this episode: “Apology NOT Accepted.” Uh-oh, maybe this installment isn’t appropriate for us after all. BWII must be right around the corner. I’m loading up the turrets at castle de L-Con as we speak.
Anyways, we then cut to Heidi and Audrina making preparations for Lauren’s surprise party. I thought these girls didn’t get along? Lauren’s birthday must trump all sidekick bickering. The two girls promptly turned their attention to the matter at hand: how to hoodwink their master into believing she wasn’t having a party. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but Heidi came up with a tremendous idea. “So maybe, if I like, bailed out right before dinner, it will throw everything off.” It would work so well, because Heidi had been such a shitty friend lately that Lauren would never know the difference! Considering what I was expecting, I was very surprised by their collective brainstorming. I was half expecting these two scholars to come up with something absurd, like claiming Ashes was dying a slow death on the floor of Hyde.
“Right when Lauren turns the corner, I’ll shove her down the stairs like this and make a run for it.”
Up in the offices of Teen Vogue, we find Whitney, fresh off of getting to second in her softball game, and lobbing Lauren some proverbial softballs regarding her upcoming 21st birthday. Lauren seems surprised that she’s not going to have a big party, but Whitney reassures her by saying, “I didn’t really have a big 21st. It’s one of those things that just being 21 is enough.” That’s true. Well, unless you’re Svetlana from ‘The Real World,” I suppose. Didn’t I take shots with her at the bar I worked at in Boston a few months ago? Yup, definitely did. The girl’s not even 21, and she’s being used to promote clubs across the country by drinking with the patrons. I think I see a future in the entertainment industry for Heidi and Audrina after all.
Moving on to Bolthouse, Heidi picks up a phone call from Spencer. This is nothing out of the ordinary, but the real story is our beaver-toothed friend Elodie rolling her eyes when she hears Heidi say “Spencer.” Holy shit. Without a doubt, the biggest moment of the entire episode! Damn me to hell if I ever leave out something as glorious as an eye roll from her again! (Editor’s note. . . you can live with Elodie!)
And just when you thought things couldn’t get any crazier, guess who strolls into Bolthouse supposedly out of the blue? That’s right, the newly branded backstabber herself. Hailing from Brody’s condo of cottontail indiscretion, none other, than Jenn Bunney! Heidi doesn’t appear to be happy to see her, and hastily shuffles her out into the hallway.
This expression tells me, “Im so happy you came to see me at work.”
Heidi goes on to tell her that she is really busy, and that she can’t talk because she is at work. Hold on a second, has Heidi gained work ethic AND resolve all in the same episode? Wow. You think you know all the answers, and then Heidi changes the questions!
Be honest with me, does this outfit show off my testicles?
After some quick small talk, Jenn starts in by telling Heidi, “I haven’t talked to my best friend of 15 years, for like, what, three weeks? For like what? Sloppy thirds?” Who’s Jenn talking about? Must be her two good buddies Kristin Cavallari and Nicole Richie. Regardless of the fact those two don’t qualify since Jenn barely knows them, what would that make her, sloppy fourths?
Snnnniiifffff…mmm my testi-smell
Jenn soon continues: “One night should not have even amounted to two days of this fight. I think we both agree on how crazy out of proportion this got blown.”
They are huge testicles!
Don’t count your rabbits before they hatch Bunney; your good buddy Heidi has already pulled a Pontius Pilate, and washed her hands clean of this mess: “Well, I told you, and I told her, that’s between you guys, and I don’t want nothing to do with it.” I’d like to take this time to congratulate Heidi; she has now officially mastered the art of scapegoating. Spencer must be so proud.
Shhhh, listen to the sound of my testicles.
Heidi arrives home to report the scandalous events of that morning to her old master. Or maybe it’s her current master? Heidi has been acting VERY sidekicky this episode. Planning parties, defending her master’s honor, running home with new information, etc… I’m starting to get a feeling of déjà vu. Meanwhile, Lauren is sitting on the couch, and looking quite dumpy for some reason. She doesn’t even look like herself, but I can’t quite put my finger on whom she resembles in this state of mid-afternoon melancholy. Actually, now I remember.
“Hey Beverley, when do you start taping the next season of ’7th Heaven’?”
Anyway, Heidi begins to explain the detail of her shocking morning. “I go; I think it’s really inappropriate that you are at my work. I don’t know what happened with you and her, but it’s between you and Lauren. Please don’t talk to me about it. Obviously you know what you did was wrong; give her space, and don’t come back to my work, please.” I know Heidi was just paraphrasing, but I must have missed the extremely condescending attitude she was portraying. Lauren was not happy about the news, and joined in on the Bunney bashing. “Like, don’t be so desperate. Do you not have any other friends? Like, chill out. I said I’ll talk to you, when I want to talk to you.” Looks like somebody decided those sidekick disciplining classes were a good idea after all.
After the commercial, it’s now time for the trap to be laid, as Heidi and Lauren begin to groom for the evening’s activities. Before the ambush could begin, Lauren had to ask Heidi a quick question, “Should I not wear a dress? I have a dress on.” There are so many jokes I could use here, but I was really hoping Heidi would curse out Lauren for not wearing a birthday tiara. Tiaras were not on Heidi’s mind though; it was time for the fake Spencer phone call. Once again, I must say Heidi did a fantastic job with this. You can almost see the anger building in Lauren’s eyes as she eavesdrops on Heidi’s conversation about ditching her. Lauren confronts Heidi in the stairwell about it, and Heidi just keeps muttering and making her way towards the door (not much acting to do here.) Lauren’s had enough though, and yells out, “Stop leaving me for Spencer, stop!” HEIDI HAS CHOSEN, BITCH!
As we know, Heidi has really chosen her master, but to the naked eye, it appears Lauren has been deceived again. Everything seems to be on track until Lauren collapses into a teary eyed ball of abandonment hell and calls Audrina. I thought Audrina was going to blow the surprise, because instead of immediately calling Heidi a bitch, she just happily invited Lauren out with her and the cohorts as planned. Lauren apparently didn’t read the writing on the wall, and started in on Heidi during the car ride to Hyde: “You’ve got to be kidding me, you’re not actually doing this are you?” It was pretty easy for Audrina to stick with the plan, only because she’s been consoling Lauren for the same issues weekly now. Audrina declared, “It’s like, three strikes and you’re out.” To which Lauren replied, “No, she’s like on her tenth strike.” Damn, Lauren’s getting feisty now; JBJ doesn’t know what she’s in for later!
“1-2-3 SURPRISE!!!” Yes, 1-2-3 is actually the way they Heidi readied the troops over at Hyde for the big surprise. While she may have mastered the art of scapegoating earlier, dare I say, Heidi has not yet mastered the art of counting backward. Better hope she doesn’t get a DUI. Oh that’s right, Heidi doesn’t drink anymore… Riiiiight.
YMCA!
As far as the surprise goes, it seems to have been pulled off perfectly. Lauren looks legitimately surprised when she arrives in the party room. Maybe she was just shocked to see Whitney at an after-work function. Their initial hug would be the last time we really see the softball star though, aside from a few passing glances of the camera. As we know, Whitney turns into quite the whore when she socializes; she was probably off in the corner making out with three guys at once again. Oh, that Whitney, you can’t bring her anywhere.
Man, the sidekicks are everywhere, even Lo decided to make a guest appearance!
“Sorry, George couldn’t make it. He’s relaxing at his plantation on Mount Vernon.”
Brody and Lauren then embrace. I assumed they probably didn’t get along after the whole Bunney scandal, but I forgot about the wonders of the glorious beverage known as champagne. That must have been some pretty potent bubbly, in order to forget that this douche had just hooked up with her best friend a few weeks before. One would think, it isn’t the smartest idea to bring up a sore subject, but as we all know, Brody’s no rocket scientist. So he goes ahead and asks where Lauren’s best friend is. Although puzzled at first – mainly because almost every sidekick she’s ever had is present – she realizes what Brody is insinuating. Apparently, Lauren has forgiven Brody for his role in the whole mess, because she puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of Jenn. It looks like somebody might be angling for a little 21st birthday “mackin.” Would hooking up with Brody tonight be considered sloppy fifths, or still sloppy thirds because it’s a retread? All I know is that this guy is the definition of a birthday party whore. Just book a decent place in LA and invite Brody. Over the course of the night, somebody will be getting macked. Fact.
Aside from throwing stuff at my TV due to the sight of Brody cozying up with Lauren again, I was a little distracted by the presence of my arch-nemesis D-BO the bodyguard. However, it was comforting knowing that Brody wouldn’t be allowed to get away with anything sleazy in the presence of D-BO.
D-Bo is like one of those annoying mimes at the boardwalk who will just copy everything you do.
Birthday toast time! For some reason, Spencer is appointed to make the toast, despite the well-documented hatred between him and Lauren. His speech was, not surprisingly, dreadful. I’ll turn the floor over to our dimwitted friend: “I’m not very good at speeches, because as Lo said, I’m not very smart.” (I love Lo) “But I do know this: The horrendous dog tag necklace I’m wearing is available at Archangella.com for the reasonable price of $92,000.” (Sorry, I’ll try to control myself, back to the speech) “But I do know this: Heidi, the love of my life, loves Lauren more than anything, so that makes Lauren an amazing person. We don’t see eye-to-eye, but they do, so at the end of the day, she is still a free publicity goldmine.” (Sorry again, I can’t help myself.) “So at the end of the day, we all see eye-to-eye.” Somehow Spencer managed to turn a nice thing into a passive-aggressive attack. Couldn’t he just be cordial for a change?
Everyone seemed to enjoy the speech though, and the night continued without a hitch. MTV then treated us to a beautiful montage of everyone having a great time, getting drunk and making out. Spencer looked liked he got all dolled up for his big kiss with Heidi in the clips; it almost appeared as if he had lipstick on. The montage came to an abrupt end, while Brody and Lauren were talking. Suddenly, the conversation ends, and LC puts her head down next to BJ. DAMN IT D-BO! You take your eyes off that scumbag Brody for 2 seconds…
“Did you enjoy your roofie colada Lauren?”
Following the break, Lauren and Brody roll up to Cuvee for a little lunch in one of the Godfather’s lowriders.
Dear MTV,
No Shit.
Sincerely,
TVgasm
Unfortunately, it appears that Brody is making his way back into the fold for good. I just hope Lauren hasn’t seen the “Details” article yet. If not, it’ll be sayonara douchebag soon. Currently though, our heroine and Bruce Jenner’s evil spawn seem to be enjoying a fairly amicable meal. Lauren reiterates my sentiments about Spencer’s speech, but Brody seemed to have enjoyed it. In fact, Spencer is quite the “big toaster,” according to his multi-grain sidekick.
Everything appears to be going swimmingly, so Brody decides now might be a good time to try and stir up some more controversy, and brings up the name Jenn Bunney. Hasn’t this guy ever heard the expression “Let sleeping dogs lie?” Lauren takes the bait though, and starts rolling. “She was telling someone, ‘We’ll like, make up by her birthday, so I’ll be there.’ I’m like, ‘Don’t come to my birthday.’” Maybe that dreadful beast bought a ticket again! How dare she. “She’s kind of like, had a lot of problems with girls and like, guys.” As opposed to what, Lauren? Trials and tribulations with purses and rocks?
Lauren wasn’t done though, it was now story time. “Did you know that the night I kissed Jason, Jenn kissed him first?… She went into the other room to talk with him, made out with him, and then he went and kissed me.” Does this even surprise anyone? I just can’t believe she made it this far as a sidekick after regularly pulling stunts like this. Wasn’t that the day the girls compared guys to their favorite purses? I don’t hear Lauren making any accessory analogies now. “Guys are like purses… Until your best friend steals your favorite Louis clutch, and you try to choke her with the bag’s strap.”
All of a sudden, we cut to Jenn strolling the halls of what appears to be the Hillside Villas. This can only mean one thing: Jenn Bunney has come to say her peace. Ding, Ding, Ding. Let’s get ready to rumble! The special tonight at Don Antonio’s is a roasted rabbit burrito, extra tan, and Lauren looks very hungry. Ashes knows what’s about to happen, and flees the scene immediately. Jenn enters Lauren’s lair of resentment, wearing what looks like the exact same outfit she was donning at Bolthouse earlier in the show. No matter, she was about to be verbally undressed by Lauren anyway.
Lauren assumes the scolding position on the corner of the couch, and starts in on the crestfallen sidekick. Jenn attempts to defend herself by saying, “I just feel like everything got so blown out of proportion from what it needed to be.” Lauren wasn’t having it though, and responded, “It feels that way to you, because it didn’t happen to you.” Nicely said, Lauren. Bunney continues futilely by saying, “I really never meant to hurt you.” Lauren immediately rebuffed her though, with, “I don’t think you meant to hurt me. I don’t think you thought of me at all when you were doing it, because you were only thinking about yourself.” Man, Lauren is getting good at this. Anything Jenn throws at her, she hurls back in her face twice as fast. Now might be a good time for Jenn to remind Lauren that Heidi was the driving force in making this happen, and that she kept asking Heidi if she thought LC would care. Alas, JBJ’s head was spinning so fast by this point, that she could barely even complete an original thought.
Lauren then brings up the reality that Brody was the first guy that she “had a crush on” since Jason, and that was why she was so upset. Jenn in turn tried to blame what she did on the fact she assumed Brody didn’t matter toLauren. Uh-oh, looks like Bunney put her paw in her mouth there. “It’s about the fact that you did something really shady, and you did it behind my back, and you were evil and conniving. It wasn’t all Brody, IT WAS YOU!” Very well done, unfortunately, the line had lost a little of its zip since I had seen it in the previews all week.
Nevertheless, it seemed to be very effective, and Lauren was ready to start making her big push. She brings up the Jason thing, and Jenn appeared to get agitated about it. Big mistake, because this did nothing but infuriate Lauren further. I’m starting to think this is going to end badly; the title might have been a little hint. Lauren then decides to throw the knockout punch, “I’ve been burned by so many friends, especially lately, and I’m really starting to learn who my true friends are. I have every reason not to trust you… You know it’s true.” Silence. This one goes into the book as a TKO for Lauren, as Jenn has been rendered to a mumbling mess. She asks Lauren one last time if there was anything she could do or say, and Lauren told her “no” in so many words. I hear the line at the sidekick unemployment office is quite long this time of year.
“Cocker spaniel, Lauren?”
“Don’t even go there, Jenn.”
As Jenn was dejectedly walking down the hallway, I kept waiting for a producer to run up to her and request that she return her mic setup immediately. As great as it was to bid adieu to that ghastly sidekick, the whole fight was a little bit of a letdown. It was NOTHING compared to the tongue-lashing Lauren gave Heidi a few weeks back. Looking forward, next week’s preview looks AMA-ZINGK. I can not even put into words how excited I am for it. I don’t remember exactly what was said when Spencer and Heidi were in the car because I think I blacked out, but I believe it looked something like this.
Spencer: “You’ve been avoiding the subject for a month now, what do you want
to do?”
Heidi: “I don’t want to move in with you”
Spencer: “Well then I don’t want you in my car.”
YESSSSSSSSSSSS. Next week can’t come soon enough. What did you guys think of this episode? Personally, I thought it was a little bit of a downer. What do you think of Heidi’s 180? Can she be trusted? So many questions… I’ll see you on the board.
TV Social
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239 Comments
FIRST!!!
Whoohooo, yay L-Con!! Glad you stuck with us – now I have to read the recap ’cause I was so psyched to post at #1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha, you sooo worked at mcfadden’s huh? i was there when svetlana was there…she was made up like a complete ho too!
Good job L-Con! I thought the same thing when I saw Lauren’s name on the screen- Hello?? Do we not know who she is by now? Why not also label “Lauren’s breakfast” and “Lauren’s dump in the toilet”
I watched the Cram session or whatever it was called after the show and apparently Whitney had also gone out on a date with Brody… just proving the whole scheme he and Spencer had to whore themselves out to every girl on the show just to get some air time. I really hope those girls are done with the two of them now.
Bye Bye Jenn!! I really hope she’s off for good now, she grated on my nerves big time.
As for next week… poor Whitney! I think she’s my favorite, and most normal on the show, it sucks that she took that fall on Good Morning America. REally hope Lisa Love doesn’t give her a hard time for it.
I love Lauren more this season than any other! She’s finally standing up for herself and being honest. Does anyone know what happened with her and Lo? What was the fight that Jen Bunney caused?
I do NOT trust Heidi’s turn-around, she’s too enamored of Toothy McDouchebag to have done a complete 180º.
I don’t really understand why Lauren still likes Brody, he has been an ass-munch since the beginning. AND he swapped body fluids with old Jenn (The ANAL-ator) Jenner – It’s just gross.
I couldn’t believe Heidi actually had the balls to blow JennJenner off so completely. Her whole, “I don’t want to be involved… etc.” was a total mind-fuck. Yeah, maybe if you didn’t want to get involved you should have, you know – NOT encouraged JennJenner to go after Lauren’s crush??!!! It’s further proof of inherently lame and unworthy JBJ is though – she went in there with an unloaded gun. DUMB!
I thought Lauren did a pretty good job of annihilating her failed sidekick. I also loved the fact that we finally got some insight as to what a back-stabbing bitch JBJ really is. Lauren’s better off without her, I’m guessing if MTV didn’t force the issue Lauren would have just cut her off like the useless appendage she is.
GREAT screencaps L-Con, I actually burst out laughing a few times. I thought last week’s recap was great, but this one was REALLY great – color me Team L-Con!
LCon – hilarious recap! I am psyched for next week’s episode. JBJ’s apology was so insincere. I love Lauren, but I wish she would have dissed Grody. I hate that she was being so sweet to him. Spencer’s toast was so LAME! Did anyone else notice that guy Frankie from twentyfourseven at Lauren’s party? I read somewhere that Brody and Spencer’s show is going to be a ripoff of Entourage. They are such dumbasses.
I wonder how many episodes are left?
I really don’t think I’ll be able to make it ’till next week. I’m considering raiding the MTV offices for a sneak peek. Who watched the “cram session” last night? What’s up with all of the extra footage they withold from me? Any way, I’ll be back to regale you with my interpretation of this week’s gem. I just can’t wait for Andre Tally next week. Oh, my secret lover…And, we finally get to see Whitney fall!!! Cocker spaniel. Peace out.
OK, Lauren, you know I love you, but I cringed “ CRINGED “ when you gave Brody a pass on Bunney-Gate & then (nooo!) proceeded to flirt with him. No, No, NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO, I cried out in the darkened room. (And no one heard at all, not even the chair.)
Sure, unlike Jenn, Brody did not owe LC much in terms of loyalty, affection or respect. No strings, no commitments; he was perfectly free to join Team Playmate, Team F-List starlet, Team Scientology, Team PetSmart (he’s got to be getting all those animals from somewhere), or Team Loser (wait..). But I still say that it was NOT cool for him to go mack with Lauren’s “best friend” practically right in front of her. Even if Lauren has way more “best friends” than any one person is officially allowed. (NYWord “ can you explain to Lauren the concept of the “superlative”?).
Not cool. I mean I wouldn’t have bothered yelling or snarling or cold-shouldering him, if I were LC, but I also wouldn’t have told him that he did “nothing wrong” — tee hee — point point giggle giggle brunch. Yuck. I guess B-Side was right 3 recaps or so ago; Brody did get a pass. B-Side “ are you the wisest of them all? This is all moot now, I hope, as post-DETAILS, Mr. BJ should be gone-zo. But still. It sends the wrong message to the kids. (heh)
I can’t believe that Lauren is actually giving d-bag Brody the time of day. She was really into him during this episode, which makes me wonder what the hell happened to Derek or whatever Mr. New Year’s Eve’s name is.
AND, Jen’s apology was so incredibly lame. I’ll take out her Ashlee-Simpson-post-nosejob-but-pre-blonde-hair lookalike self with my bitch hand.
Still not laughing. Will I ever laugh reading the recap again?? Waited all day for it, and then…nothing. Oh, B-Side, I do miss you so.
But daaaaaaaaamn, next week? HA! “And I’m saying, ‘Get out of my car.’” I can’t even BELIEVE Spencer McNasty said that!! Cannot wait! All I have to say is YOU GO, HEIDI for turning that tool down!
Oh, and (I’ll shut up soon, I swear) but I am also already hyped up by next week’s previews. Yup, MTV is just stringing me along like a hamster in a maze.
Two thoughts there:
Poor Wh-wh-whitney!! How ominous was that Lisa Love summons? Yikes! I mean, what is there really to meet on & discuss about an accidental fall? Is the angle of her fall or the method of her tumble going to be critiqued? Is her resignation going to be demanded? (We no longer need your gratuitous tape-holding services, Wh-Whitney). Is honorable suicide going to be suggested? (Wh-Whitney-San! You have brought shame and dishonor to the Teen Vogue family!). Will Emily be flown in to show the girls how one walks properly down the stairs? With a vase of flowers on her head? While reading Latin poetry? And wearing stiletto heels? Questions, questions.
Second: OK, I’m now officially jaded. Just like when my older brother told me there was no Santa Claus. I’m just not buying the veracity of Spencer’s “get out of my car” crap. (What?! MTV “reality” is fake? Noooooo, Lime23. When did you stop hearing the bell, Lime23? When. Did. You. Stop. Hearing. The. BELL.) Sorry, Spencer-Pratt-LA cum random guy in someone’s office, I’m JUST not buying it. You just said that to create faux drama to boost your faux career, and I don’t believe any of it was real. I will not rise to the bait. Even YOU are not that much of a jerk. You & Heidi probably planned it all out the night before.
I have to say, not too shabby LCon. But, who is D-Bo? Did I miss something? And Mgasm, I’m totally with you. Why is MTV witholding important Hills time from us? Tell me that Whitney went on a date with Brody. Show me double dates between Brody, LC, Hodi and Spencer. I want to see these things. All a ploy for us to buy Season 2 on dvd.
Great recap Laguna Consultant! Many many many times better than your first one (seriously, perfect recap, no complaints) and I loved the Jenn’s Testicles screencaps!
Lauren is dumb for letting Brody back in. Its a bit shiesty in my opinion. If she’s going to ban Jenn from her life, Brody deserves the same. Then again, its not surprising. Lauren has been getting played by guys and making extremely stupid relationship choices since season 1 LB, so, then again, its really no surprise.
As for Heidi. I really kind of like her, but then I wonder if she’s only staying with Lauren to be on the TV. Spencer the publicity whore is a VERY dumb publicity whore for pressuring Heidi to move in with him, as the only way he’ll ever be on camera in the gossip columns is through his girlfriend’s role as Lauren’s sidekick. I don’t know where his logic is! Anyways, if Heidi does move out at some point, lets hope its its Lo that moves in!
I was hoping you would put up that screencap of Jenn when she walked into Heidi’s job all smiling. She looked crazy, like a stalker. it was funny.
Errm…..
I didn’t mean to put to “then agains” in my paragraph
Oh btw good reference to Svetlana! Seriously, no other Real Worlder is enough of an attention whore to cross over into another MTV series! (That said, I love Svetty! She’s hilarious)
perhaps the most amazing scene in the history of “the hills.” heidi’s brush off of jenn jenner. first of all, since when is heidi so dedicated to work (in this case, talking about lauren’s b-day party at hyde with spencer-doodle)? “busy busy”? bitch, please. even elodie was able to multitask and toss you a semi-eyeroll.
my mind was sufficiently boggled by heidi’s deflection of blame. she should have been a lawyer at nuremberg. now that’s a person with utterly no conscience.
and jenn. oh dear. as someone mentioned above, old jenn brought a knife to a gunfight. i still feel sorry for her. even though she was super shady, i find it interesting how lauren is so forgiving of the douche-nozzle losers she ends up dating.
i wonder if her attitude changed after seeing how involved heidi was in instigating the jenn/jenner hook up.
ahhhh. previews from next week: the return of super intern emily. and she didn’t look to happy in the crisp white blouse. way to be condescending when dropping science about andre leon talley. hey, i’ll still let you wrap your skinny legs around me. blackberry me!
Did anyone else catch the bit of Lauren saying Jenn was the reason she and Lo didn’t speak for two years?
Great recap L-Con. I loved the screencaps and the Pontius Pilate reference (brought back good memories of me getting kicked out of religion class in middle school for the 56th time in one semester for re-writing that story from his perspective…).
I can’t believe that Lauren is still hanging around with Brody! What the hell?!
Has anyone else noticed that every time Lauren gives a tongue-lashing this season (Spencer when Heidi was too drunk and upset to speak with him, Heidi, Jenn Jenner) it’s done from her couch? I can’t get past that, it’s the Couch of Confrontation.
A few questions about Jenn Jenner: What the hell was going on with that clomp-y walk of hers? Was she wearing big heels she can’t walk in? Was she attempting to do the HeidiHo Walk? What was up with her holding her left hand up to her ear when she was walking into Lauren’s apartment? Did she have one of those 24 earpieces in there with MTV producers telling her what to say? And finally, did anyone else feel compelled to throw things at their television having to listen to her sickly-sweet whiny voice when she was saying her “peace” to Lauren? Or punch her when she oh-so-obviously was not sincere about that “Well I’m sorry I hurt you”?
Also, hurray for Ashes return! Or at least Ashes’ fluffy tail bobbing at the bottom of the screen when Lauren answered the door when Jenn Jenner came over. Team Ashes!
I enjoyed this recap L-Con. The screencaps and cheesy made up dialogue were great!
This is just one thing that really made me giggle:
heh.
“Sorry, George couldn’t make it. He’s relaxing at his plantation on Mount Vernon.”
Now to the Hills…
I hate to be mean, but when JBJ visited Heidi at work it looked like she had a little mustache going on- that or a horrible job at applying self tanner. It hurts to look at her…god I’m so mean. I do feel sorry for her because she’s used by everyone and appears really desperate. She brings it on herself, but I don’t think she’s got the capacity to come up with evil plans herself. And this brings me to my next point- I dislike Heidi so strongly, more than ever now. I just can’t believe her; she was all girly and friendly with JBJ on JBJ’s bday ( the whole bathroom scene where they repeated everything times 3). I have a problem with the fact that Heidi acted like she really cared for JBJ’s well being and enjoyment, and as we all know she encouraged her to have fun with Grody- Brody (ofcourse JBJ was dumb enough to buy it, eager to fit it),and then how does she have the nerve to act like she had nothing to do with this and dismiss JBJ and be a total bitch to her, then go and be a complete hypocrite to Lauren and bash JBJ. Heidi sucks.I don’t like JBJ but she’s so insecure it’s messed up that Heidi would take advantage of the girl to bring herself up as if the girl were some toy she could then discard. I know, I know Spencer does the same. And Heidi has become Spencer. Heidi’s a mean girl! She’s a bitch! (sorry, Mean Girls moment) Lauren doesn’t need friends like that.
So, that’s what I think of Heidi’s 180. She’s a fake.
great recap L Con, this episode wasn’t as good as i thought it’d be, but you def. made me laugh alot anyway. next weeks epi looks amazinkkk
loved it… because i missed the original JBJ birthday-cottontail episode, this was the most drama i’ve seen all season. anyone think the “cram session” might mean we’re only halfway through?
Good job, L-Con! Love the screen caps.
My favorite part: JBJ at LC’s door; LC is standing in one corner of her kitchen when the doorbell rings. No reaction. Next frame: LC standing in another part of the kitchen when she turns to answer the door. Smooth editing MTV.
GunaCon, bravo! What the f@ck happened? I’ve never seen anyone take constructive criticism so well. And, why didn’t you do that last week? I didn’t know you had it in you. Keep up the good work. Screen caps and biblical references—hilarious! I thoroughly enjoyed this week’s recap.
Now, onto important business…LC really knows how to embarrass herself. Why? Oh, Why did she have to throw her head in Brody’s lap?
And, GunaCon, I hate to ruin your virtual sexy time with LC…but she gave him the nonverbal
___sucking cue. Ugghh, and Speidi were probably watching and toasting. They’re so gross.
I am so proud of LC for giving it to JBunny this week, though. And, so happy that you noticed her testicles. Also, I don’t think that Hodi redeemed herself the slightest. She didn’t really go to that much trouble. “I was here setting it up…” Setting what up? The champagne glasses? I saw no banners reading, “LC: Master of the Year.” And, alas…poor Whitney falls down. Falling isn’t the Teen Vogue way of doing things…I hope they don’t chop her head off. She’s my favorite, too.
Cdogg, when are WE (I stress we, because apparently every one else is too good for Spencer steak) going to Don Antonio’s?
Porcelain,
You make a good point. That is very cruel of Heidi. That is SO highschool of Heidi, Meangirls is right!
I wonder how Lauren feels watching this on camera now? On the Aftershow this week, Lauren said she is still friends with Brody. Wow, after the Details article came out? Even after she saw footage of Brody and Spencer pre-planning the Bunney-Jenner hookup? Even after seeing how hard Heidi and Spencer pushed to get Jenn and Brody together?
Lauren has not changed since her Laguna Beach “LC” days. She makes stupid decision after stupid decision when it comes to guys and ends up getting played.
… Porcelain I agree with you!
Heidi is a total Gretchen! I still like her on the show though. Without her we’d have to alternate between Audrina’s vacant stares, Whitney’s vacant stares, and Lauren’s two major emotions (hurt or pissed off) and her minor emotion (deliriously happy over a douchebag boyfriend). Oh how I wish KCav and Roz had been given their own show. (Especially Roz!)
I signed in to say this was a good recap =D
My friend has this theory that Heidi is trying to pick off all of Lauren’s sidekicks just so she can be the sole sidekick…
First Audrina, now Jen… maybe Lo next? LOL
Seeing Lauren become more confrontational is a good plus but this episode wasn’t that interesting… good thing the recap was better than the episode itself
^ Errr I somehow thought #25 didn’t post as it wasn’t showing up.
Great recap Lagunaconsultant – much easier to read than last week, and really funny! Loved the ‘shat’ photos – hilarious! Cant wait until next week, god that Spencer is the biggest knob ever, but I am afraid Heidi will never leave him…
LOVED that subtle change of expression on heidi’s face in the beginning as she reveals spencer asked her to move in and she realizes LC isn’t exactly impressed
LOVED to hear heidi’s hilarious remarks about how CRAZY work is and how BUSY she’s been at work, explaining why jenn had to make the surprise inappropriate drop-in at work (also probably angling for an invite to the big surprise birthday bash she knew she wouldn’t be invited to)
LOVED how LC (yes, from that point of power in the corner of her cushy couch) told off jenn (yes, in the same outfit from earlier) and jenn was too idiotic to say the words that would save everything: its all heidi’s fault! heidi pushed me to hook up with brody! heidi said you were cool with it! jenn, you are dumb dumb dumb
LOVED seeing jenn walk out the door – i also thought she’d be met by an MTV staffer who’d wrestle that microphone off her waistband right there
LOVED spencer’s HUGE gold rectangular shaped ring that he artfully paired with his trademark pimp style medallion
and OF COURSE LOVED his response to heidi’s rebuff:
“my answer is, get out of my CAR!”
can’t wait till next week
LagunaConsultant- you’re my hero. You did a great job.
I am absolutely, positively psyched for next week.
I wish it were Monday right now.
Hahaha. I was joking with my friend about how we vicariously live our lives through the girls on the Hills.. It’d be more funny if it weren’t true. Ha.
Mgasm…I’m so there. Don Antonio’s and a Spencer steak? Who can beat that? This weekend is good for me!
Some people think I’m a funny, snide, lovable guy. Yet some people think I’m a brash, 3rd grade educated pig.
I guess I’m the Kristen Cavallari of recaps!
As far as the episode goes, I still can’t get over the way Heidi treated Jenn. Listen, I don’t care for Jenn’s post-op transsexual ways as much as the next guy, but watching Heidi throw her under the bus was still pretty painful. JBJ obviously thought she had a confidant in Heidi, and I guarantee you that if the cameras weren’t there, Heidi would have been a lot more forthcoming. The crazy thing about this season is how they are taping on the fly. Some of the stuff we’re seeing happened less than a month and a half ago. Normally with this kind of thing, people have an opportunity to make amends in the meantime, or they can just pass off their actions with a “oh that was 6 months ago, it was different then.” Not anymore….
When this episode was taped, The Hills had already been on TV for a couple of weeks. Do you think that people’s actions on the show have, or will change in the coming weeks, due to the fact they can see themselves almost in real time? Like next week for example, there is a real solid chance that when that spot taped, Heidi had already seen Spencer getting Fro-yo and giving a rose to Audrina. Could that have effected her decision? I think it might have.
To me, this is the most interesting subplot of the entire season. What do you guys think?
Wow…was anyone else having issues logging into typekey?
Jen Bunny’s lower lip scares me. It is a weird pink color and is like 10x bigger than her upper lip.
I’m mad at Lauren for forgiving Brody…even though he doesn’t necessarily owe her anything, it was still shady and rude.
Spencer looks sick…he always has huge bags under his eyes. I’ll go as far to say he is one of the most unattractive people I have ever seen.
I think Heidi was just saying she was super busy bc she had no desire to talk to Jen…I don’t really think she had much on her plate.
Loved this recap and the screenshots. I normally laugh to myself at recaps, but this one I actually laughed out loud. Good job!
Many thanks and great recap LagunaCon from up North.
I have a question that I am hoping someone could answer… why is Heidi’s last name different then her parents? I admit it I checked out the restaurant her parents own and now I am very confused. Any ideas?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heidi_Montag
http://www.timberlinerestaurant.com/
I thought the first recap was great, but this one was even better! The screencaps were so good! I especially liked the one where Jen says “Cocker Spaniel” and Lauren says “Don’t even think about it Jen” I actually had to walk away from my desk for a few minutes!
Most of my thoughts have been said by others on here, but I will echo the pure shock and disgust of Heidi’s “Pontius Pilate-esque” attitude towards the Jenn/Brody incident. What was that? She was egging Jenn on and even told her to, “Do what you want!” Never once did she say to Jenn that it was wrong what she was doing with Brody and all of a sudden now she’s all on Lauren’s side? She is taking great lessons in manipulation from Spencer. She’s only worried about her own ass.
And Brody? EW! Just EW! What is Lauren thinking? I thought she had better self-worth than that. She is the laughing stock of Brody and his friends, I bet. She let him get away with that and was acting as if nothing happened. Lord knows what else she’ll put up with. He’s stupid, sketchy and insecure.
Jenn is EW, too! She is really not cute. Nothing about her is cute. What was Brody thinking? She’s even uglier inside, too. Or just stupid. Or a little of both.
I think Lauren should just hang out with Audrina and Whitney all the time. They seem to be the most genuine and honest. Everyone else sucks.
I know this isn’t my most articulate observation on the show, but really, there’s not much to articulate on. This week was kind of boring. Next week looks AMAZING-K, though! I can’t wait.
I almost forgot . . .
LAGUNA CONSULTANT- Great improvement from last week’s recap! I actually read the whole thing. I was kinda over the sidekick comments, but I did laugh at your comment about Lauren and her “sidekick discipline” classes. That was funny.
I had trouble signing into typekey as well.
I have to say that this recap was great! I actually went back to the first page to make sure B-Side didn’t write it – I thought it was THAT good.
And I also have to say that I think L-Con’s screencaps are, dare I say, actually even BETTER that B-Side’s!
Good work! – Thanks for the laughs!
First time poster, long time reader…
LagunaConsultant-great job on the recap. You have true recapping potential!
Heidi is a shamless skank, and I hope Lauren does a better job of choosing her “best friends” in the future, because JBJ and HeidiHO are NOT good choices.
KConrad, please sign on and tell us she’s learned her lesson!!!!
Couldn’t sign in either…
Awesome recap Laguna, laughed out loud several times!!!
“I hear the line at the sidekick unemployment office is quite long this time of year.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Awesome recap L-Con!!!!
I really liked reading B-Side but wasn’t personally vested in his leaving so I can say that I won’t be missing him too badly now cuz of you! XOX
The only way I can justify Lauren’s behaviour toward Brody is this……he’s is a HIMBO….attractive, dumb…but still charming. Once in a while a girl has to have a meal of coffee with a guy (can’t be Audrina 24/7). Brody is smiley and easy on the eyes. I don’t think Lauren ever took him that seriously. AT All. He’s just stupid, and she deals with it. Girl has got to practice the boy skills…
I need to know: WHO IS D-Bo?
Am I retarded? (Wait, is it okay to say retarded?)
“d-bo” is that security guard looking dude with the skull cap who’s always creeping around the girls. he’s actually a party promoter in l.a.
brody is nothing but a ho. “make sure brody’s there.” what, he’s available for 21st birthdays and bat mitzvahs? he’s like that group of whore-adjacent girls that always get invited to the hollywood parties.
and he went out on a date with my whitney? hands off, bucko! i challenge you to an sms duel, fucktard!
Thank god, I can finally sign-in again – what was up with TypeKey?
Cdogg, I have no clue who D-Bo is either….
^ that’s me. I forgot I wasn’t signed in! (and I didn’t know you could comment as anonymous, it didn’t work before…)
Glad to know I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sign in. I’ve been trying every day for over a week.
I just wanted to say that this is a great re-cap! The screen shots were hilarious!
Interesting observation about the subplot, Laguna Consultant. We shall see . . .
that typekey issue was a drag! thank god we’re back on line!
totally forgot to mention something that REALLY distracted me and I was surprised no one else has mentioned it yet….
when LC and Brody were out together at the cafe rehashing the previous night’s party, brody kept doing a hands-free straw-grab with his mouth! i actually rewound it to watch the action of his mouth seeking out the straw several times – it was usually more pronounced when lauren was saying things that made him uncomfortable (like the names “jenn” or “jason”)
check it out if you still have the episode tevoed (how do you spell that?)
New screencap explains d-bo
I think Lauren and Audrina should be roommates, or Lauren and Lo. And they should all hang out, including Whitney. I do like Whitney. Hopefully this will be the case after Lauren watches these episodes and sees Heidi for who she really is (stupid Heidi!).
If Lauren continues to be friends with Heidi after this… *sigh* I will not understand… :[
Hi — I don’t think Heidi & Lauren are really still friends now. Since, oh, about 2 1/2 weeks ago. (subplot, subplot).
On his blog, my very own favorite Uncle Nick Verreos mentioned a recent soiree wherein
“my dinner buddies included former student, Lauren Conrad from MTV’s “The Hills”, her lovely sister and her beautiful mom. We had a great time dishing on the show, her former girlfriend, Heidi, and her future plans to launch the ‘Lauren Conrad’ fashion empire!”
http://www.nickverrreos.blogspot.com
(scroll down)
Note the reference to “former.” Uncle Nick doesn’t lie, people.
No one is blaming Heidi for Jenn’s actions. She is RESPONSIBLE for encouraging her, though! She hasn’t fessed up to her faults in the situation and she hasn’t admitted what she’s done. That’s shady as hell.
Why didn’t jenn tell LC that Heidi put her up to Brody?? LC has to fidn out…it was heidi’s fault that jenn got together with Brody.
“Be honest with me, does this outfit show off my testicles?”
Love, love, love the recap, L Con!!! Especially the comment above when Jen Jenner was shown at Heidi’s “office.” I think I almost got fired today, reading this at work. I could not stop laughing. I love that Jen got dissed. What a loser! What will she do now, without her MTV connection?
Lime23 … that’s an awesome awesome quote!!!
Maybe Audrina is not going to be LC’s new roomate. Maybe Nick could be a new sidekick. OMG! How awesome!
Go The Hills Season 3!
I think Heidi and Spencer are just putting a show for the cameras. I no longer trust anything that either of them do.
Mr. Laguna Consultant: This was much much better! I believe in your master potencial. Oh, and thanks for that itsy bit part of made up dialogue of Spencer’s toast … oh yes! It made me such a happy person.
They’re all guilty!
I think Jenn actually had a fairly major role in pushing the Brody hook-up. In that store w/ Heidi, it’s Jenn that brings up a “double date” — “with Brody?” Heidi asks — followed by yes, yes, pant, pant, crazed desperation, let’s go to the bathroom together, from Jenn. “But for” Jenn’s initiation of the idea, I don’t think it would have happened. It’s not like Brody was actively pursuing her — she’s not exactly a hot tamale. (Flash to the scene in the car where Brody tries to convince himself that Jenn’s “cute.” Yeah, she’s real cute, Brody. Yeah, keep telling yourself that.) Plus, in an earlier episode, Lauren refers to the fact that Jenn was trying to blame everybody but herself — so she may have already tried to put the blame on Heidi-Ho.
Moody –
I agree with you.. At this point, I think Spencer & Heidi think they are “producing” the show & are going to be manufacturing drama for the cameras…
Much, much stronger work, LagunaConsultant. I wasn’t crazy about last week, although, as I wrote then, I admired your putting yourself out there. This week’s recap was very enjoyable. Two of my favorite lines of yours:
(1) “Following the break, Lauren and Brody roll up to Cuvee for a little lunch in one of the Godfather’s lowriders.”
(2) “As Jenn was dejectedly walking down the hallway, I kept waiting for a producer to run up to her and request that she return her mic setup immediately.”
Also, nice job with the early series of captions with Heidi’s smile getting wiped off of her face (when she realized that Lauren already knew about Spencer inviting her to move in w/him). Mrs. Don Antonio had us working over the Tivo rewinding that Heidi’s smile disappearing a time or three.
Heidi was ridiculous, as usual “ loved her version to Lauren of how she really let Bunny have it during the Bolthouse visit. That’s not how it looked from this side of the television, sweetheart.
Lauren confused me a bit in this one. Good job blasting Bunny out of the show, but why the free pass for Brody?
D-Bag “ nice “Untouchables” reference!
YankeesFan – Jen Bunny’s lower lip also scared our household. It looked as if someone had pasted a single horrible worm to her face.
Lovedoc “ we were also troubled by Brody’s incessant straw-sucking. At that “lunch” with Lauren there appeared to beverages all over the table, and he kept flitting around them like a hummngbird with a crappy haircut. He does the same thing in all of the club scenes, too.
Finally, Spencer’s “get out of my car” line in the previews was hilarious “ ha, Ha, HA!
shit I did it again! #63 was me. hehe
Thanks Madeyoulaugh for the D-Bo insight…and thanks for helping out this morning with the comments section…
Also, would you like to join Mgasm and I at Don Antonio’s this weekend?
Would anyone for that matter?
Generally I try to avoid anywhere that there is a chance Spencer and his giant face may show up.
Seriously, the face is huge.
Lauren is totally misguided. What is it with girls only blaming the girl and not the guy when something “shady” goes down? Why does Brody get a pass? Bad choice, Lauren.
Ok, so I know we are all very aware of the editing that goes on… but I just had to say, did anyone else notice in the very first scene, Lauren says “I know, Lo told me” off-camera, and it sounds a little odd. Then, her next sentence is “I was surpised you told Lo before me though” and the movements of her mouth COMPLETELY do not match up with what she’s supposed to be saying…??
It just bugged me, and I had to say something.
TEAM COCKER SPANIEL!
Lauren is totally misguided. What is with girls who only blame the girl and not the guy when something “shady” goes down? Bad choice, Lauren.
Ok, so I know we are all very aware of the editing that goes on… but I just had to say, did anyone else notice in the very first scene, Lauren says “I know, Lo told me” off-camera, and it sounds a little odd. Then, her next sentence is “I was surprised you told Lo before me though” and the movements of her mouth COMPLETELY do not match up with what she’s supposed to be saying…??
It just bugged me, and I had to say something.
TEAM COCKER SPANIEL!
Please ignore #68. Bad linking, sorry.
Jenn is responsible for her own actions. This is quite obvious. Yes, we do see her bring up the double date with Brody first. But Jenn has already fessed up…whether she’s being sincere is another story. Heidi, however, is acting like she had nothing to do with this and is explicitly lying. Like she was not the one to sneakily manipulate Jenn into going through with it when Jenn was having doubts, like she wasn’t laying it on thick that Brody “would mack her ASAP”? Those faults are entirely her own. And if we take into account that she was using someone who is insecure and impressionable, and then washed her hands clean of the mess to save herself, I think it makes her worse than Jenn. Jenn is a bad friend, but Heidi is a worse person. And in my opinion, Lauren is better off with neither of them.
It was really funny when Lauren was like “I have enough people in my life, I don’t need any bad ones” (or something along those lines, referring to Jenn) and Heidi put on her hypocrite face and was like “totally” hahaha ooh Heidi..
Lime23- Thanks for the info. It’s good to know LC dropped Hodie.
that was me, Chee-Z. I f*cked up on the typekey sign in, I think the protocol changed. Sorry!
I would meet up with you guys at Don Antonio’s if I were in LA.
Madeyoulaugh; I can’t believe you don’t want to see the great and mighty Spencer while enjoying his steak. I’d like to tell him what a douche bag he is. That will certainly be life changing.
cocker spaniel,
thanks for pointing that out. i also thought there was something odd about how those first few lines were presented. poor editing i guess.
i was focusing more on watching heidi’s smirk appear and then quickly vanish as she realizes lauren already knew about spencer’s housing proposal
cdogg, wish i could join you but live too far north…
already planning on having a big spicy burrito tonight in honor of the don antonio’s meal i’ll be missing
maybe the online “spencer” will have the balls to join though
TVGasm dinner at Don Antonio’s? I’m shocked it hasn’t happened before. Tell me when!!
Here’s the deal with the D-Bo phenomenon
We think he’s just a party planner from L.A.
Every time we see him though, he’s wearing all black with a black ski or skull cap, while sitting in very close proximity to Lauren, and appearing to do nothing but scope out the scene like a bodyguard. On top of that, he’s a very menacing looking guy, and who’s more menacing than D-Bo from the movie Friday? That’s how D-Bo came to be¦
This picture was what got me started. He just looks so out of place here.
http://img162.imageshack.us/img162/6382/11256378sq4.jpg
Maybe he’s a party planner by day and party enforcer by night?
THAT’S MY BIKE PUNK
Also, I was just watching “Next “ Spring Break Edition” and one of the girls had this as a quick blurb when she got off the bus
Turnoff – Bad Grammar
I swear to God.
Looks like I’m out of the running haha. Could she possibly be a TVGasm poster?
Maybe Mgasm and I (and black bettie if she wants to join) can document our trip to DA. Hope we don’t get lost in the middle of nowhere (ie, Bundy and Pico Blvd.)
Nice!
Okay, that was me ^^^^^^
Now I know what everyone’s been saying about type key today, I’ve been trying to get in for a while now.
I just caught the “Hills Cram Session.” There’s not too much to comment on that nobody’s mentioned, but I did notice a few extra lines in the Lauren/Heidi fight. Man, I think I would pay 300 bucks to get a copy of that entire fight unedited from MTV
Laguna Consultant
good job with the recap this week! and I LOVE your screencaps! Especially the “Dear MTV…no shit, sincerely TV gasm” Keep em Coming!
Thoughts on this ep:
1. Daymmmm Heidi is a really bad actress (although she might be doing something right to completely pull one over on Lauren)the way she BOLTED out of her chair to greet Jenn at the door, and then go on and on about how’s she’s busy at work and needs to be professional. If the cameras weren’t there I have a feeling things would have been MUCH different. Wow, the way she totally threw Jenn Bunney under the LA transit bus was pretty shocking, even for Heidi.
2. Speaking of Jenn, does she have 0 GUTS or what?!?! First she lets Heidi bascially tell her the whole sutiation is her fault, then she allows Lauren to tell her the whole situation is her fault. If I were her I would be standing up for myself and telling Heidi AND Lauren WTF really happened.
3. I LOVED the way Audrina was totally bagging on Heidi and Spencer in the car….KNOWING that Heidi didn’t REALLY ditch Lauren for her b-day. She was like “Wow, three strikes, and your’e out”…instead of saying something like “Lauren, maybe there was an emergecny or something”…I just thought it was totally funny how she talked shit and tried to talk Lauren into giving up on Heidi for good! ha ha
4. Even though we all can’t wait for Spencers’s “get out of my car” comment next week….I have a feeling it’s just BS on MTV’s part. I mean, we all know now that they are STILL together and he’s even her MANAGER now! BARF
Maybe Heidi was stupid enough to think that since she was in the ladiesroom with Jen and that she was off camera (but not off mic)…..that the “mack/brody” conversation was not going to be on the air.
How else could she now be such a brazen bullet-dodger. Maybe the Heidi/Lauren break-up truly occured once that episode aired. We all know things are getting closer to real time in the Hills
I had to delete this episode off of my TIVO because HeidiHo made me so mad. She completely instigated the whole JBJ/Brody (HIMBO) thing, and then acted like she had no part in it. She was at JBJ’s party saying that she should do whatever she wanted to do, because it was her birthday.
I’m looking forward to next week, even though the “Get out of my car” is fake, because it WILL happen one day… Either HeidiHo or SpencerDouceface will either get tired of each other, get tired of using each other, or give each other a horrible disease, and they’ll feel the need to move on and use other people.
CheeZ why do they hate you on the Denver RW posts?
Everytime I see your posts I mostly agree with you… especially about E.Coli
Mgasm¦ I don’t know how I missed this the first time, but when I was going through the comments I noticed you mentioned some sort on non-verbal dick sucking cue? How did I miss this?!?!
Consider virtual sexy time ruined for the time being. What exactly was done, and when did this happen? I can’t seem to find it.
LagunaConsultant,
I think that Mgasm is referring to Lauren’s head on/near Brody’s lap when they were in the club.
There was a new promo on tonight. It looks as though Speidi makes another trip to Don Antonio’s in the upcoming week(s). I am salivating! Why oh why do
I live in NYC! Thoughts of good Mexican and the balmy breezes of L.A. are consuming me.
I hope you are right Don
Consider virtual sexy time back on for the time being
Way Behind in Canada (#36)- my guess about Heidi’s last name being different than her parents is that her parents are divorced and her mom got re-married and so has a different last name…. just a thought.
mo_knows, many thanks for the post. I figured it might be something as obvious as that but thought I would ask. Anyway thanks again.
Ps. Just read on Tabloid Whore’s blog a comment- that LC, Audrina and Brody were in Mexico recently on vacation???
seducedbycandy,
I have no idea! LOL! Actually a lot of people over there agree with most of what I post, or at least don’t flame out. There are really just two or three people who go nuts no matter what I write, I think my “analytical” (and I use the term loosely!) approach just bothers them.
I think the posters who don’t like me are probably a lot younger, and take things more personally than they need to.
The only really crazy one, and I really do think they’re crazy, also posts here. I was just accused of stalking them from this site to the other one, even though I’ve been posting there longer than here (by several seasons!)! LOL! I’ll give you a hint, they have a VERY illustrious family tree!!! LOL!
See you over on the RW Blog!! Last night’s ep should provide some pretty entertaining observations.
I still hate HeidiHo and the SpenceWhore. JBJ has already passed into a distant, yet annoying memory. BJ seems like he might be too stupid to hate, but I still hate him too.
Team Conrad, Team Ashes and Team Lo all the way!!!!
I would definitely hit up Don Antonios if I lived in LA. If TVGasm is ever in Nashville, put the word out!
p.s. I also love the screencaps-esp. of Heidi’s face when she was telling Lauren about moving in with Spencer! Thanks!
I’m on Team Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict! Reading through the posts over there had me cracking up!
Hey LagunaConsultant where in Boston are you from?! I am originally from the South Shore (Braintree) and I went to Northeastern. But I’m stuck in the midwest (Job offer I couldnt refuse) but I miss beantown!!!
LagunaCon: I don’t want to speak for Mgasm, but I think what she means is that:
1. You missed it that LC wanted to give Brody head and let it be known by gracefully draping her head on his crotch (universal sign)
and
2. You want LC to gracefully drape her head on your crotch, aka, you want virtual sexy time with her.
Mgasm, am I right?
Oddly enough, we would have shared a town line if you were still in MA.
Born, raised and currently live in Weymouth.
As far as “The Universal Sign for Blowjobs” goes, I’ll be the first one to admit I’ve never heard of that particular signal in my life. Maybe it’s a west coast thing, because from my vantage point, it looked like she was either drunk, tired, or a combination of the two, and she just put her head down for a second trying to be funny.
If that’s the case, then over the years I’ve made some grave errors in judgment regarding levels of interest.
I loved the re-cap this week Laguna Consultant! It was amazinK! I also loved the D-Bo reference “you got knocked the fuck out”!
Anyway it was funny and I loved the picture comments!
Did you ever determine if that was the real Spencer who commented on last weeks show?
I can’t say I’m upset that I missed Svetlana in Boston. I guess this is what happens when you constantly go to bars that serve dollar drafts.
Well, between the first comment being posted at 5:30am PST, the fact he defended me in his next post, and fulfill_the_dream saying it was his co-worker¦ I’m going out on limb and saying no.
What dmbislove (#99) said. That was too funny.
Chee-Z, I agree with you 100%.
nic – nothing wrong with dollar drafts (esp sissy k’s!)
I agree with virginlemondrop (#88) – I think Heidi did think she was safe from the cameras when she went into the bathroom with JBJ the night of her birthday. She was also trying to speak in code – “wants macking ASAP” – I also want to point out that when they were at Les Deux, everytime Jen would say something, Heidi would cut her off & give her hand and eye gestures instead of speaking. She was VERY aware of the camera & thought she could be sneaky enough to avoid being exposed for the back-stabbing biotch she really is…………..
If you ask me, I think Heidi was worse than JBJ. At least Bunney came clean after 3 weeks & apologized. Heidi did nothing but deny it.
Either LC was drunk, or she was totally giving the universal sign for “please let me give you a blow job”
But, not matter what, it’s one of the two. for sure.
Hey, I have lots of famiy in Weymouth! Off to read RW recaps, just for the commenting fun.
Oh – Did anyone notice, in ep. 9, when Lo and Lauren were at Cafe Sushi – Lo has a rock on her left ring finger?!?!
^^ That was me. Weird.
i just looked through last week’s comments (there are some weirdos on here…), and didn’t see anything. hm. are we having taco surf-induced hallucinations? i wish.
Did anyone else see B-Side on the Today Show yesterday morning?
I yelled “B-SIDE!”. My husband came running in like the house was on fire, “What’s wrong? What did you say?”
*sigh* nothing…..just saw an old friend on TV
Much stronger recap this week Laguna Consultant. You seem to be finding your way – congratulations!
“Cocker spaniel, Lauren?”
as we say in Boston, wicked funny!
“Did anyone else see B-Side on the Today Show yesterday morning?”
Yes. Talking about some American Idol dude for a nano second right?
Cath619, no not Taco Surf hallucinations, but clearly hallucinations nevertheless…
Okay first off I have to say-Did you enjoy your roofie colada Lauren?- pure genius! This recap was 100x’s better than your first one LagunaConsultant it was hilarious. I loved the screencaps and the biblical reference funny shit.
So as excited as I am for next weeks Spencer Heidi shenanigans I have to say the return of Emily excited me more. Oh also I always thought that the universal blowjob sign was something diffrent too.
#118 – Murder in the Hills! LOL!
Buono and Bianchi: The HILLSside Stranglers Part I.
Jenner and Pratt: The HILLSside Stranglers Part II.
Folie a Deux, MTV Style.
Ha ha! I just made a Bundy reference over on the RW posts too – LOVE any and ALL serial killer references.
I also forgot to say big ups to L-Con!!! Kickass recap. I laughed so many times I couldn’t just pick one to point out.
The screencaps were killer, as was the entirety of the recap.
Woot.
Whoa. I just noticed my previous comment came up as “Anonymous.” Awesome. I can be a superhero lurking in and out of the TVgasm shadows now. Or it could be the work of the government. Or it could be Brody saw that a lot of us think he’s a sociopath and he’s seeking revenge. You may be next. I know I’m only a faceless reader, but if I end up missing, please send someone to check out Brody (I bet he’s dreamy in real life).
As in Citizen Kane, I’ll use my last breath to utter a single word, “Brody.”
My guess is that it’s a Type Key error, but who doesn’t like a little make believe?
-southernbelle
Fantastic Rocky IV comparison¦
Such a great movie¦ It’s too bad MYL didn’t give me a pep talk like Duke gave Rocky in 4. Maybe I would have come out of the gates in week 1 with a little more fire haha.
B-Side was like my son.
I raised him.
When he died, a part of me died.
But now you’re the one.
You’re the one that’s going to keep his spirit alive.
You’re the one that’s going to make sure he didn’t leave for nothing.
You’ll have to go through hell…
Worse than any nightmare you ever dreamed.
But in the end…
I know you’ll be the one standing.
You know what you have to do.
Do it. Do it.
Man, if that really happened, I think I would have written a 30 page recap. Just reading that speech gets my adrenaline going.
122 was me!!! what is up with tvgasm???
ps- great job LagCon!!!
C-dogg–That is exactly what I meant. You couldn’t have said it better.
GunaCon–See…this is what I mean about you being a boy…every girl knows you don’t put your head on a boy’s lap unless you’re willing to go down on him later. You, sir, have apparently missed out on some good opportunities. Oh, and stop having virtual sexy time with LC…it makes me recap-embarrassed.
Tara from Laguna Beach Season 3 must be FLIPPING OUT:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070322/ap_on_re_us/wolfgang_puck_foie_gras
Sorry Mgasm. I must have been thrown off by the fact that she put her head down on a table and not Brody’s lap.
If Lauren buried her head in his crotch, I think I would have gotten the point.
What? You’re crazy, GunaCon. She totally put her head IN his lap… watch it again. I will, too. If I am wrong — I will hire a sky-writer to fly over Boston and print my formal apology. Deal?
By the way…is this you?
http://www.mcfaddensboston.com/bartendar-month.php?b_id=10
By the way, GunaCon, your undying loyalty towards LC’s innocence shows your bias. Obviously, you have taken your virtual sexy time to a new level. I didn’t know that the two of you were virtually engaged.
LCON: Who puts their head down on a dirty bar table?
My theory, you are totally in love with LC and that just won’t do for the recapper…you are officially biased.
It’s snarky quips and comments like #127 from Boston bred people that make me rethink my irrational, intense dislike of all things Bostonian [that I've had since, oh, mid-January].
Tits Magee- good eye for the details on Spencer’s car. The editing on this show is my biggest pet peeve.
And, as always- FABULOUS name!
Jinx Mgasm…we’re on the same page…he’s totally biased.
Congrats LCon on your virtual engagment…you can get married in virtual Area, have virtual Ashes be the ring bearer and have virtual Spencer give your best man toast.
I don’t think of laying your head in a guys lap says “I’m gonna give you a blow job” but then again, I probably wouldn’t lay my head in someone I’m not dating’s lap. I always thought the universal signal was when you stick your tounge to your cheek and make the motion w/ your hand while pushing the tounge into your cheek at the same time. I’m probably not describing it great, but hopefully others will know what I’m talking about.
I thought she had her head on the table?
dmbislove, that is what I always thought it was too!
My two cents on the lap or table debate: either Brody has one of the shortest torsos known to mankind and LC’s head was on his KNEE (go back and watch it, the positioning of her head is too high up in relation to BJ’s torso and far over so it would have to be his right knee her head is balancing on) or she put her head on the table and didn’t think about it being dirty as she was clearly intoxicated (and thus probably sleepy).
dmbislove, I’m sure there are many ways of telling a guy that. But honestly, if you put your mouth where his crotch is, he’s not going to be thinking about much else than unzipping his pants.
Blondie,
Her head is on his thigh. Seriously…there’s a picture on this recap.
Foreshortening people…look it up!
WTF? I just watched it again on my TIVO and LC put her head in his lap. I don’t know if that means you want to suck some guy off, but I’m sure she has in the past and will in the future. LagunaConsultant, you do have a crush on that blonde vixen;don’t you?
All i know is that when i put my head on his lap, i sucked it.
Maybe she was drunk and tired? Me and my friends sometimes lay on each other and put our heads on each other’s laps . . .does that me we want to give each other head?
PS- Who cares if she put her head in his lap anyway? So what if she even gives him head.
Oh wait! I forgot this is with Brody . . .EWWWWWWW!
LMFAO #141, VERY funny! Ha ha ha…
#142 is me. WTF is with this Typekey bullshit??!!! It’s messing with the carefully engineered rhythms of my witty repartee!!!
Ah, anyway – Lewinsky’s for all my friends!
Mgasm, unfortunately that’s not me in the picture, I haven’t worked at McFadden’s for over a year now.
And as gross as it may be, she definitely had her head on the Hyde table, and not Brody’s lap. Watch it again¦ I just did¦ I’m not going to get into the logistics of the whole thing, but I will if you want. What time should I be expecting the skywriter? Haha
Also, I never said I didn’t agree with you 100% that Brody and Lauren got their “mack” on that night, I just don’t think the whole head on the table thing meant anything.
I liked your idea about the virtual wedding. You can be the person who virtually objects.
Blondegirl “ I appreciate your patience with me regarding my Boston roots. I come from the same city that spawned CT and Danny¦ Believe me, I know I have a lot to make up for.
Also Blondegirl, in case you were wondering:
I thought you guys were far and away the better team, and the Patriots actions after the game lacked class. But at the same time, I thought it lacked just as much class on LT’s part to go after our coach, and for Shawn Merriman to be upset when he does the same dance in an attempt to taunt the other team. Plus, I think people who get caught for using steroids should be suspended for the entire year, not just 4 games.
What it boils down to is both teams were in the wrong, and two wrongs don’t make a right… No matter how you slice it… The game next season should be awesome, rivalries are the best.
Oh my lord GunaCon:
“I liked your idea about the virtual wedding. You can be the person who virtually objects.”
Now you want Mgasm to object to your virtual wedding to LC so you can have virtual sexy time with her?
Wowzer.
Hello! First time poster-
Another sequential problem that I noticed: As we found out from Jen Bunney’s facebook invitation, her birthday is the beginning of December- the 1st or 2nd I think. Lauren’s birthday is February 2nd- a 2 month difference. The girls keep saying that the fight has been going on for three weeks (bringing us to Christmas/New Years) instead of February. Either the confrontation didn’t happen around her birthday (most likely) or they cannot keep track of time (like how one episode Lauren and Jen have been friends for 7 years, then a decade, and now 15 years)
Like you couldn’t tell 148 was me haha
Tell me more about this virtual sarcasm…since I NEVER use sarcasm in ANY of my comments, LCon.
It is you, my friend, who is blissfully, virtually, ignorant.
I miss BSide.
I can’t believe I just made someone cry momma (B-Side)
All sarcasm aside, I didn’t mean to offend you Cdogg. I wasn’t suggesting you were ignorant in my last post, I was suggesting that if you didn’t get that particular obvious post, than you were ignorant¦ Because despite what you say, you had zero idea I was being sarcastic in the post before that. I was just trying to joke around and I’m sorry if you got offended.
Now let’s all have one big virtual hug!
LCON: I totally got the sarcasm in your comment…I just gave it back to you.
Now let’s not virtual fight please.
Everyone, virtually calm the fuck down. All I’m saying is that she acted desperate at her birthday party.
GunaCon, I will not virtually object. I will give a virtual toast about how you and I don’t always see “eye to eye.” But, it doesn’t matter because I love B-Side and he loves you. (And, I did tell you that it was a good recap and I appreciate you — buck up!)
Also, if that isn’t you at McFadden’s — then who are you….J-Whal? Is that you, buddy?
LagunaConsultant: I completely agree with you that both teams were in the wrong and did some classless things. Yes, even San Diego’s own paragon of class, LT. I will now be hunted down by an angry mob of stoned surfers, Spencer-clones, and military people (a fairly accurate cross section of the population here) and stoned to death for besmirching his classiness. My disdain comes more from the fact that San Diego sports kind of suck historically – no major sporting championships of any kind unless Phil Mickelson and his majors count (which NO because it’s golf) – and for the first time in forever there was a very distinct possibility of at least getting to a championship game and it was cruelly ripped away. Kind of like the Red Sox for 80-something years. And the Patriots winning forced me to do something that I never, ever wanted to do and have felt dirty about ever since: root for one of the Mannings. So for that I will always hate Boston and everything about it like tea parties and Ben Affleck and massacres, even if just a little bit. I’ve never seen so many people so suicidal than the Monday after the game. God I love sports… Don’t even get me started on tougher punishment for steroid abusers; four games is a joke.
Back to The Hills…um, Team Ashes!
when was season 2 of the hills originally taped?
Loooooooong time reader (since the first LB post, first time poster….
First off, great Job LagCon, or how about Guna Sultan?? hehe…
Secondly, I had no idea how close to real time the Hills was. Seeing how Lauren’s Bday was Feb.1, the episode with Jenn’s bday didn’t until like Feb.26, so Lauren couldn’t have really seen what happened until then, and didn’t know about HODI’s instigating around the time of her bday.
Also, I didn’t understand WHY she would even be as nice as she was to Brody on her bday, especially witht he Details article (gag), but after going back to the comments, I realized that news of the article came out around Feb.20/21, at least that was the first mention of the article here on the board. SOOOOO, she didn’t about that either on her bday…. I hope we get to see an episode AFTER Lauren has seen the episodes. I guess she is not friends with HODI anymore, but Grody-Brody?? C’mon!!!
Also, I do feel a tad bit bad for Jenn, only because she thought Heidi had her back, after all she did INSIST she have fun on her bday, whatevs…. She got played by everyone.
Out.
interesting update: Jenn Bunney just uploaded her spring break album on facebook. BRODY is there with her (although the rest are pics with her USC friends) either there is still some macking going on or maybe things have cooled down between her and LC (since she spoke her peace and was rejected)
Mgasm, I’ll raise my virtual glass to that…
Also Blondegirl, you don’t want to get me started on sports either, so we’ll let it rest. All I can say is I hope the rematch doesn’t fall on a Monday if the new Laguna season gets put on then. Talk about being torn.
That’s interesting cNicky… I wouldn’t be surprised if Lauren and Jenn patched things up after they saw the episode on TV. I’m on the side that believes Heidi was more in the wrong than Jenn, which absolutely kills me to say. Jenn kept asking about Lauren, and it didn’t appear that she was “mackin” Brody out of malice. I got the distinct feeling watching the whole thing evolve that Heidi was trying to intentionally hurt Lauren. She had no ulterior motive to do what she did otherwise, because as we saw this week, she obviously doesn’t care about Jenn.
I think when Brody and Lauren went to the cafe after her birthday, they arrived separately yet when they filmed for The Hills, they made it look like they arrived together. And the car Brody drove was his brother’s car.
You can check out the pictures here.
http://www.outofsightmedia.com/category/brody-jenner/
http://www.outofsightmedia.com/category/lauren-conrad/
Season 2 of the Hills is being taped as we speak still.
I think it started being taped around October, but I could be wrong.
Last post of the night I swear… I just keep forgetting things…
If you want to see what I look like Mgasm, my shameful blueberry tracksuit picture is still posted on Rocky Donatelli’s website.
Last post of the night I swear… I just keep forgetting things…
If you want to see what I look like Mgasm, my shameful blueberry tracksuit picture is still posted on Rocky Donatelli’s website.
if someone can tell me how, I’ll link Jenn Bunney’s spring break pictures with Brody and also the pictures from her birthday night. Like I said last week, Lauren was with Jenn the entire night so something sketchy is clearly going down. (also unless Bunney is a complete idiot, she still has all of her Heidi & Lauren albums up so I’d like to assume things are fine now.)
Anonymous, a.k.a. Miss Information,
LagunaConsultant has practically taken a sworn oath that the wallpaper on his computer is not L.C.
LagunaConsultant,
Can you refresh our collective memory regarding who that was on your computer when you posed with the blueberry tracksuit?
cNickey, can you just provide the link tto them?
I agree with those who say Heidi thought she’d be able to sneak past the MTV cameras in all her JBJ/Grody-Brody hook up enabling. It’s all very clear now. But she still had to risk JBJ calling her out on camera. Heidi got lucky that JBJ is quite the idiot, or maybe there was further manipulation off camera. Would JBJ let Heidi manipulate her to that extent though? She’s eager, and idiotic, but is she THAT idiotic!
^^ that was me (# 176)
Aww I see. Well, can anyone here help her out?
I guess it would be kinda wrong to just save/screencap her pics and upload them onto photobucket? Lol, yea I think maybe thats a little wrong… Mmm.. Your call if you want to.
Err I don’t know why I said her. Maybe you’re a him. I dunno, sorry!
thanks for your help shiaobundan! and you were right the first time, I am a girl.
I uploaded Jenn’s photos (should I feel badly?) to photobucket. I did it kind of fast and so I only screencaped a couple to show like dates/bunney’s comments. anyway there are LOTS more. so tell me if this link thinger works
I don’t know if it is wrong or not to post them – I’m a PR major so it’s not like I have a huge code of ethics anymore – but yes it did work cNicky.
oops, I put it as my url by accident. here’s the link:
http://s174.photobucket.com/albums/w116/cNicky/
Laguna Consultant, do not rise to the criticism!!! You’ll look worse than ur haters do. Just let it lie….let it lie…be impartial…
Do a recap, watch the comments flow in, leave a short comment here and there, you know, just to keep ‘em coming but NEVER rise to the insults. It’ll just make u look worse than the posters, coz this is actaully ur job
CMC, it’s most definitely a picture of Lauren as my wallpaper, I felt I needed to show my allegiance, even then.
This was my “denial”
“Also, that is definitely not a picture of Lauren on my computer background¦ It’s just someone who happens to look remarkably like her¦ What a weird coincidence huh¦ It’s really not her¦ I swear¦ ”
I’ll tell you one thing, if I ever met someone who looked that much like Lauren, I think even I would be creeped out. Knowing my luck anyway, she’d probably have her own D-BO just to fend off creeps like me.
Also cNicky, I will neither confirm, nor deny my IMMENSE enjoyment of those stolen face book pictures for legal reasons, but I will say this:
I found the picture of Lauren and Jenn fanning themselves off with the endless array of c-notes to be mildly disturbing. If a picture could speak, I think this one would have said, “Don’t waste your time worrying about our feelings, we’re crying all the way to the bank sweetheart.”
Ok, so I was minding my own business, looking at pictures on the US weekly website when I came upon this…..http://www.usmagazine.com/special/brodyjenner/
Yes kids! You too can win a date with Brody Jenner…I’m going right now to get my video camera out…
I think Jen and Lauren are friends. Here’s a link to a People interview posted today http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20015887,00.html
Lauren: “No, we’re friends,” she said. “We all just went to Cabo!”
I don’t know if she’s referring to Brody or Jen or both.
Someone who has access to Jen’s facebook: Does it say she went to Cabo for Springbreak?
BTW, LagCon great recap!
CNicky, nice job!
Wow, I can’t believe they’d all be friends again. I mean, somewhere along the line, either Heidi, Brody, or Jenn has to be at fault. I think its proof that MTV is screwing with timing MAJORLY, but then why was it that just two weeks ago Jenn told E! that Lauren refuses to speak to her?
Hmm. I guess The Hills characters are as much a part of the staging/editing as the editors over at MTV are!
Oh and I laughed my ass off at the very first picture. Jenn should not wear orange! She’s too orange as it is!
Based on the People article, maybe Lauren and Heidi aren’t as close, but she can’t say so until they finish filming and showing all the episodes?
easydoesit -awesome article. That answers a lot of questions that have been asked on this board!!!
Um! You used to work at McFaddens?!?! I was so a regular there back in the day, i had a huge crush on Danny “the manager”! Anywho, in LA now and totally ate at Don Antonio’s the other night – does this mean I’m cursed?
Wow. You’ve been to Don Antonio’s AND McFadden’s? You my friend have officially arrived¦
I started working there 3 months after it opened, I believe¦ I had some great times there, let me tell you. You’ve probably seen me then; the majority of the time I worked there, I was assigned to the “stage.” This basically meant I was in charge of protecting Brian the idiotic DJ from getting his teeth kicked in on a nightly basis. Oh, and I also did the door at “Dockside” for a while as well.
TitsMagee – #122 – “Toaster” as a new insult… I LOVE IT!! Totally gonna use that.
Just looked at the pictures that cNicky uploaded from Jenn Bunney’s facebook… what’s up with the one of her with Lo?? (wearing Santa hats) I thought they didn’t like each other?? Is that an old picture? And what about the one with her and Kristen? that’s funny if they’re friends, b/c then she was shady to Kristen too, since Grody is Kristen’s ex also
I think the pic of Lo, LC, and Jen at the xmas party is an old pic. In one of the Laguna Beach dvd packs in the extra scenes they show a xmas party and all of the girls are dressed exactly like they are in that pic. I can’t see Lo wearing that sure multiple time.
I fear saying this because I don’t want the die hard B-side fans to come after me with pitch forks but- honestly I’ve never laughed out loud at a B-Side post. (Perhaps, it was slightly not exactly my sense of humor). But twice- 2 Whole Times- I laughed out loud reading this post (and surpised myself. You- LCon- are the king of screen cap captions. Genious! Good work my friend. Awesome recap!
Mo_Knows and YankeesFan:
yeah, the christmas party photos were from their high school days. I screencaped a couple of them purposely so that you could see the different albums titles and dates she uploaded them (to help with the ever speculated Hills timeline) =)
LagunaConsultant,
If I’m understanding you correctly, you are now stating that the picture on your computer was, in fact, Lauren. Boy, how gullible can I be? She looked like Lauren and I could have sworn she was Lauren but you dispelled that by emphatically denying it was actually Lauren.
What else are you going to come clean with? I feel so wounded and duped (not the first time, but I trusted you).
I better go drink a glass of Chardonnay to drown my sorrows.
I watched the 30 minute cram session last night, it was so crazy how that thrity minutes really summed up the whole season. ie I could have just watched that 30 minute show and been perfectly informed on the haps so far.
Just a note. I was thinking bout the whole Heidi/Brody/Jen hookup thing. And I was wondering if maybe what was going on in Heidi’s mind was that she was trying to find someone to be buddies with that could share her relationship with Spence. Meaning they could all hang out together and she wouldn’t have to feel soo bad for being with Spence. I don’t know if I’ve explained this right, but maybe you all get my drift…??
Good call, second Anonymous #205. I’m not sure if you are the same poster as Anonymous #204 and thought about it following your first post¦or if you are a completely different “Anonymous.” But either way, you are perceptive.
I can’t imagine there would be any other picture that LagunaConsultant would use as his wallpaper, except Lauren. But he probably uses his own photo with the blueberry tracksuit as his screensaver. He’s not narcissistic, but I’m sure he’s very proud. He starts off as a mere poster (albeit rabid¦in a good way), scores the tracksuit and now recaps The Hills for TVgasm. Now that’s commitment to the Laguna Beach/The Hills “franchise.”
Tiffany, I agree with you. I think Heidi is very self-centered, but she is very unsure of herself. Jenn can validate her bad decisions by being part of it. Since she can’t control Lauren, she needs to find others she can control (Jenn).
To quote Will Ferrell in Wedding Crasher’s “ “I’m just living the dream.”
Also, you guys are officially affecting my personal life now. I have this friend (girl,) who I’ve been real cool with now for years. People always use to say how we were going to get married, and how we’d be perfect together yada yada yada. It wasn’t like that though; we were just REALLY good friends, no bullshit. Speaking for myself, she’s just not my type, and I always thought she felt the same way¦
So last night I didn’t feel like going out, she had to work early today, and we decided to lay low and rent a movie. No big deal right. All of a sudden while we’re watching the movie and I’m just sitting there minding my own business, she goes, “I’m about to fall asleep.” She then proceeded to take a pillow, plop it right down on my leg, put her head on the pillow, and continued to watch the movie. Normally, I wouldn’t have thought twice about this, but I almost had an aneurism last night.
Can we get a definitive ruling on this whole head in the lap crap? If this ever happened before, I would have just chalked it up to us being really comfortable with each other, but now I’m all weirded out, thinking my good friend was trying to tell me she wanted my pants off¦
Thanks.
I have not gotten through all the comments but before I go home I want to say, good job again Laguna Consultant! Funny and entertaining, I loved it.
If you want to know for sure, next time she puts her head in your lap, try to push her head toward blow-job territory.
If she blows you, the head in the lap means yes. If she punches you in the nuts, it means no.
Either way, you probably ARE going to marry her. LOL!
Laguna- NO!! JUST CUZ A GIRL LAYS HER HEAD IN YOUR LAP DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO GIVE YOU A BLOW JOB. HOWEVER, THAT DOES SOMETIMES MEAN THE GIRL LIKES YOU IN THE MORE THAN FRIEND KINDA WAY-AND WANTS TO SEE HOW FAR IT CAN GO.
IT CAN ALSO MEAN SHE WAS JUST GETTING SLEEY, AND WANTED TO LAY DOWN….LIKE SHE SAID
POSTED BY: TIFFANY (type key not letting me sign in)
yes it does
I’m somewhat clueless about signals, but I’m going to say no putting your head on someone’s lap does not mean you want to blow them.
#216: that personal ad headline is genius.
I’m surprised nobody commented on the part of the episode when Heidi and Audrina were planning the surprise party, and Audrina goes “Well, she knows her birthday is coming up…” so funny.
It’s also scary how well Heidi pulled off the “lie” about Spencer needing her… she’s a pretty good liar, which makes her seem even more shady than ever.
I can’t wait for tomorrow’s episode..I’m guessing that this episode is the last we’ll see of Tantastic Jen. I’m looking forward to seeing more of Whitney/Lauren and hopefully less of Speidi!
LagunaConsultant . . .
You don’t have much game, do you?
LagunaConsultant,
While I’m enjoying your recaps, I have a bit of advice for you.
You really need to draw the line between recap author & message board poster.
I hate to draw comparisons, but B-Side’s comments on the board were few and far between. And pretty simple for that matter.
If you’re going to post, make it short and sweet, get in and get out. It doesn’t make sense for half of these comments to be conversation between you and the posters, especially when the rest of us don’t care what you guys are talking about.
The board is about the show, not your lack of oral s*x.
Sup TitsMagee!
#228 …
but … Master ‘Guna is one of us …
***defeated face hits the keyboard***
fulfill_the_dream_78,
I couldn’t agree more.
Thanks for saying something.
Surprise, surprise . . .I agree with #228. I personally don’t care about L. Con’s sex life, or lack thereof. Instead of “The Hills” recap, this has become like LagunaConsultant’s personal blog about his sexual frustration. Between the blow job cues and his obsession with Lauren, I’m a little creeped out.
Since L. Con. has crossed the line from mere poster to recapper, he would probably be wise to keep it brief and simple. This IS way too much. Definitely not the Teen Vogue way of doing things.
#228, why is the word sex censored?
I mean honestly, that was hilarious…I didn’t know sex was a bad, dirty word.
I’m with moodylupin up there, he’s one of us (kind of).
By the way what has happened to BayArea??
Hey, #233, you know what? Laguna Consultant didn’t have to comment on anything at all! He didn’t need to share the BJ story. He could have just read the comments, chuckled and ignored it. He could have even said LOL. I just don’t want to hear about his sex life or what bars he’s worked at. He’s too interactive and taking away from the recaps. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and guess what? That’s mine.
Back to the episode at hand, I actually re-watched it last night and noticed during the couch fight between Lauren and Bunney, Lauren said, “You were evil and went and did something shady behind my back!”
Someone might have mentioned this already, but if I’m not mistaken, didn’t Lauren say that Jenn called her to ask if it was okay if she hooked up with Brody? Hmmmmm. Not that that excuses Jenn’s obvious shadiness, but I just thought that was interesting.
I’ll put in my 2 cents.
If everyone is allowed to have their own opinion, why can’t he have his? Your argument completely contradicts itself.
It’s not like he made a random post about getting a BJ from some girl. He told an innocent story about hanging out with his friend, and compared it to the Lauren/Brody thing. If he had made some scandalous rant pertaining to nothing, I would tend to agree with you. He didn’t though, not even close. Also, did you ever think for a second that he could be drawing out his little crush on Lauren for comedy purposes? It seems like you could use a valium, you’re a little high strung. I agree with #233, you guy’s need to stop looking for a reason to hate, and be thankful we even have this guy.
TEAM COCKER SPANIEL!!!
Well, if he didn’t I’ll call him a sell-out …
If you guys talk about something else that blaming ‘Guna for anything and re-focus it will all made more sense.
Why would I be “thankful” I have him? He isn’t my savior. He hasn’t done anything for me. B-Side just recommended him to write the recaps. Prior to L. Con’s recaps, I was annoyed by his comments here and said as much. Why would I all of a sudden bow down to him because he’s a recapper now? Give me a break. It isn’t that serious. Maybe you need the Valium.
I give him credit for stepping up and doing this and I actually LIKED his recap this week, but I don’t owe him anything. He doesn’t owe me anything either.
And you’re right, he can have his “opinion” of Lauren and on stories about blow jobs (how that story was an “opinion” and not a cry for sex/relationship advice boggles my mind. . .), but I’m saying in the context of his being a recapper, I’m getting sick of hearing about his personal life. This isn’t his blog. Maybe the way L.Con wants to do this is is more interactive, fine. I don’t like it. It’s annoying. His sexual frustrations are creepy. That’s how I feel.
I guess this qualifies me as being a “hater.” But you see, usually haters’ hating is unfounded and arbitrary, but I think I’ve been clear about my reasoning for disagreeing with L. Con’s practices. I’m not even trying to pick on him. He just rubs me the wrong way.
“Once the love declarations and marraige proposals start, I’m sure he’ll get the hang of ignoring more stuff on here.”
I asked him to marry me, but he denied me. Maybe next time I do I should post my picture up next to it.
Me not liking him in the first place was because of his posts! How does this make it all clear? I don’t have a personal vendetta against the poor guy. Are you missing the fact that I said I liked his recap? I’m not being completely biased. I’m not going to kiss the guy’s ass.
I know people asked him a billion and one questions, but people asked B-Side that shit all the time and he rarely commented. We still don’t even know if he has a girlfriend despite the many inquiries. This recap isn’t about L. Con, he’s taking away from the point of TVGasm. B-Side got that and kept it strictly about the show. L. Con’s banter TAKES AWAY from it.
I understand he was “one of us,” but he’s not anymore. He made that clear in his first recap. He has more responsibility now.
And perhaps his comment about his friend’s head on his lap was “a joke,” but COME ON! It wasn’t “only” a joke. It was unneeded. He clearly asked for advice. If you can’t see that, I’m sorry. It’s not even worth arguing with you.
Wow, I feel so lame for getting so annoyed by this. This is supposed to be a fun diversion and now it’s just ridiculous. I miss the old “Hills” recaps and B-Side . . .desperately.
I agree with Fulfill the Dream. The comments on this board go off on weird ass tangents that can get annoying. That being said, I do love to come and comment and unleash my snark on Speidi and say what’s up to my tvgasm peeps.
OK, why is Jenn receiving the FULL brunt of responsibilty here when we all know darn well that SPENCER, BRODY, HEIDI and JENN were all in on the macking plan the night of Jenn’s b-day!?!
I hate that Heidi washed her hands of the whole thing and dismissed Jenn when she came by Bolthouse to talk. I hate that Spencer is coming out of this completely unscathed. I hate that Brody dares to ask Lauren about Jenn’s whereabouts and Lauren doesn’t get annoyed by that or question/confront him about his role in the Jenn-hook up. I hate that Lauren is only angry with Jenn about what happened that night. Granted, Lauren may not know ALL the details of the other’s true involvement in this, but I think Lauren should not just be blaming Jenn. Obviously Lauren knows that Brody was a willing participant in that evening’s mack session.. it takes TWO you know!!!!
Last but not least, did I really hear Wh-wh-whitney claim she went on a DATE with Brody too? WTF? Girls, on the outside he’s kind of cute but c’mon! This manwhore’s personality and dating habits make him the ugliest guy on the inside EVER! The Details article confirms this. The fact that he’;s friends with Spencer confirms this. Brody has every L.A. female’s DNA on him— EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! You didn’t need to watch this show to know that–his reputation preceded him for years now.
So what’s next? More admissions & confessions? Maybe Wh-wh-whitney has dated Spencer in the past, Lo dated Jason in the past and Heidi has dated Brody in the past as well?
The image of all those STD’s passing around makes me SHUDDER….
FYI:
“To quote Will Ferrell in Wedding Crasher’s “ “I’m just living the dream.”
Also, you guys are officially affecting my personal life now. I have this friend (girl,) who I’ve been real cool with now for years. People always use to say how we were going to get married, and how we’d be perfect together yada yada yada. It wasn’t like that though; we were just REALLY good friends, no bullshit. Speaking for myself, she’s just not my type, and I always thought she felt the same way¦
So last night I didn’t feel like going out, she had to work early today, and we decided to lay low and rent a movie. No big deal right. All of a sudden while we’re watching the movie and I’m just sitting there minding my own business, she goes, “I’m about to fall asleep.” She then proceeded to take a pillow, plop it right down on my leg, put her head on the pillow, and continued to watch the movie. Normally, I wouldn’t have thought twice about this, but I almost had an aneurism last night.
Can we get a definitive ruling on this whole head in the lap crap? If this ever happened before, I would have just chalked it up to us being really comfortable with each other, but now I’m all weirded out, thinking my good friend was trying to tell me she wanted my pants off¦
Thanks.
Posted by: LagunaConsultant ”
I for one don’t mind the tangents this board takes, but maybe because I end up facilitating and participating in them myself. I do respect the opinion of those who find it annoying – you TVGasm purists – but is it so hard to just scroll past those comments? While it may annoy you, wouldn’t you find it a little redundant to read a couple hundred comments all saying nearly the same thing without a WTF where the hell did this come from comment every once in a while? Also, it’s been made abundantly clear that LagunaConsultant is not B-Side and B-Side isn’t coming back, so even if you find ‘Guna replying to comments annoying give him a little slack if only for the fact that he’s doing his own thing and not trying to be B-Side. I’m not saying kiss his ass or declare your undying love for him or anything. I’m just saying it’s kind of lame to say things along the line of, ‘Well, B-Side didn’t do it this way so neither should you’. I think he’s in a lose-lose situation because he gets ripped for not being like B-Side in regards to to commenting and if he didn’t some of us would probably be ripping him for trying to be B-Side.
No, it isn’t hard to scroll down. I do. A lot. Out of 251 posts…how many actually focus on the show? Not too many. Not ripping on LagunaConsultant. He is just keeping it real. All the wack tangents could be examples of when keeping it real goes wrong. (Chapelle anyone?) I am just saying that staying true to the topic at hand (The Hills) is what I come here for.
Maybe I am just a Hills purist too.
Don’t dissapoint me tonight Lauren!!
Brody & Spencer *Poof* Be gone!!!!
You guys are total TOASTERS!!!
BlondeGirl….Im here! thanks for the concern.
I was on spring break in Seattle. I read through everyones stuff once, but type key was being so I didnt bother. DONT WORRY…i would NEVER leave tvgasm for too long.
Ill just add (10 years later) that when a girl lies her head in a guys lap that does NOT equal oral. My boyfriend would be thrilled for all you that follow this rule though. Cant a girl get tired and rest her head?
Also, can we get over the LGuna debate. He’s here to stay…let him do what he does.
I missed the 4:30 Hills here, cant wait for tonight! See everyone at tomarrows new recap!
One more thing…I feel I should inform my fellow tvgasm alchys that I will be watching with wine tonight.
The authors of recaps don’t normally post on the boards. It allows for one to read the recap without feeling as though someone is forcing there own identity on you.
this laguna consulant seems to be unable to seperate himself from commenters. It’s as though he’s desperate to become a celebrity in his own right.
I also sense that the dude goes through and spends hours upon hours reading each and every comment and obsessing over himself and others perception of him. Its supposed to be about snarky recaps though.
it’s no fun when everyone is discussing their bff, the author, and not the episode.
love,
Mr. Sniffles
I personally like L-Con’s interactive style, and I think most of the other posters do to – 200+ comments is pretty damn good in my opinion.
While I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion, I don’t think that necessarily entitles anyone to state it in a way that is generally perceived as abrasive and hostile. Regardless of our individual opinions and disagreements, I think we CAN all agree that TVgasm is the ONLY real site that meets our collective need and standard of enjoyment for Reality TV recaps.
I think L-Con is doing a great job, I appreciate that he took this on. He has another job, and this is something he is clearly doing out of love and dedication to The Hills, AND for the readers of TVgasm. You might consider the fact that another recapper might not have been as funny, nor would they have understood all of the inside jokes we’ve shared throughout ALL of the LB/TH seasons.
The last episode(s) are coming up, and I personally hope we are able to end this season on a note of goodwill, and shared appreciation for our TVgasm experiences.
AC, this comment isn’t directed at you – although we might disagree, I know you’re entitled to your opinion, and I respect that. I’m talking more about some of the people who are posting here (and even more on the RW comments), who are just blatantly hostile and looking to stir up controversy.
L-Con in my personal opinion, I really think you’re doing a great job and I enjoy your commentary on the boards. Also, blow jobs are funny – discussing them in any context ALWAYS makes me laugh! LOL!
PS – Whoever keeps referring to “bitter married people”? Please, I know WAAAYYY more bitter single people – it all depends on the stage of life you’re at. I’m married, and I am definitely NOT bitter! Can we amend that to just plain “bitter people”? LOL!
“You guy’s all act like you are the ruling authorities on what we all want.”
Um, yeah. Exactly.
Team Mr. Sniffles!
Chee-Z-TeeVee- Addict- I respect your opinion as well. Although, I believe the 200+ comments stem from how controversial L.Con is and how drama-riffic this season is, more than how “awesome” L. Con is doing. Just my opinion.
Yay for this week’s recap! So much to discuss!
Posted by: Mr. Sniffles
I can’t help it, I had to laugh at this because “Mr. Sniffles” is what Paul Bernardo of Bernardo/Homolka Canadian serial killer team fame called his penis.
Just wanted to make sure I did my part in bringing this discussion back down into the gutter!
LOL!
You can ignore me now…. Sorry Mr. Sniffles, I know you’re not a serial killer, and probably just have a cold!
Do I care I’m in the minority? Nope. Being in the majority isn’t always something to brag about, you know.
Team Resistance!
while wasting time awaiting for the latest Hills recap, I came across this in The Joy of Cooking:
“…Rib Eye Steak is also known as Beauty Steak, Delmonico Steak,Market Steak or SPENCER Steak…”
Poor Heidi – she thinks Don Antonio’s Spencer Steak is REALLY named for her piece of meat.
then again, so did I until I buried my head in a cook book
Team L-Con!!!!!
Some people on here are nuts! And act like they pay $4.95 a month for split in the side comedy!
Team AC and Mr. Sniffles!
“It’s as though he’s desperate to become a celebrity in his own right.”
So true…and so funny how this sentence can also relate to Spencer.
Spencer totally has meth face. What’s with the facial hair he’s trying to grow?
Anonymous 11:00 AM(#275 of 276):
I think that comparison was pretty funny…because I have a sense of humor.
ConGRATulations to me are certainly in order.
where the heck is the new post!!! i need it to get thru work please
The new recap should be posted shortly. We’re just pulling the screencaps for it now.
i have not been able to go to don antonio’s yet, but rest assured i will do the circa 1988 arsenio hall “woot woot” gesture spencer perpetrated not once, but twice.
the people there must hate his ass. my guess is there’s a lot of saliva sizzling on that platter.
the music choices were very good for this ep. it’s been pretty on the nose for the past two. the shots of whitney walking backstage after tripping are fantastic.
hey whitney, meet me at don’s on taco wednesday and i’ll kiss away your tears. you can wear hilary’s dress, only this time wear it backwards. peace!
Jessica has been arrested!!
http://www.bricksandstones.blogspot.com/
See yall are just as bad with all these shout outs of who agrees about L-Con.
Why don’t yall get your own board and yall can all high five each other.
TEAM LAGUNACONSULTANT!!
Fulfill The Dream,
You are my hero.
Start a revolution!
How do I get into the AC, Mr Sniffles and TitsMagee club?
MUCH LOVE!
CLB
Im just looking at these sceencaps again and really…
Audrina has great boobs.
She has cleavage women spend a ton of money to achieve.
Good for you Audrina. You go on with you and your bad-ass cleavage.
Love,
Mr. Sniffles
chill out, people… i seem to remember “hills” recaps taking a few days to post not too long ago.
personally, i’m partial to cami’s right boob, but that’s just me.
can’t wait for the recap. there are many many great shots of super emily reactions. my fav is the look on her face after she fake hugs our whitney. stone cold steve austin would have pissed his pants. you could tell she was so super psyched when whitney bit it.
was all that tension mtv fakery or real? we may never know. if true, i volunteer to mediate a summit between the two intern super powers. location: camp david. camp david being my pants.
p.s. spencer has bad skin.
Gee Anonymous, #289
Are you JESSICA? Sober the fuck up, bitch!
D-Bag,
Spencer has total meth face and what appears to be an attempt to grow some sort of facial hair.
Gives me the skivies.
Cami’s–
I don’t see the meth face; I see coke written all over him.
In this most recent episode when he & Heidi were dining at Don Antonio’s, he appeared to be very much under the influence of coke. All the Hollywood sleazebags do it! They’d never do meth because it’s “so Oregon.”
Am I the only one thinking that maybe Jessica went to jail to get closer to Jason?
Maybe that makes me a terrible person.
And I say this as a resident of Portland. Our state has the worst meth problem in the nation. This is not bragging– sadly, it’s true.
jla85,
I totally thought the same thing.
Kizik,
It can only be coke if this so-called “Godfather” is paying for it. If it’s Spencer, he’s probably doing meth.
Let’s assume it’s coke though.
And I say this as a resident of Los Angeles
Cami,
Oh no you di-ent! Wait.. I don’t know what I’m mad about. I just wanna start a beef with someone.
ANYWAY, aren’t there more cokeheads than methheads in LA? Just curious.
And who is this Godfather you speak of?
-Kizik
In the Maxim article (or was it Stuff?)it states that Brody and Spencer are “privately funded” by some dude they have dubbed, The Godfather…who I guess is their rich friend?
@ kizik (#299): “So Oregon” – is it bad that I thought that when Meth was brought into the conversation? I thought I was just being SO Californian in thinking that, but if you’re a Portland resident and are saying it….
meth in california is kind of a central valley thing, though it’s also big in the west hollywood gay scene. crystal dick, anyone? in conclusion, spencer could be on the meth.
btw, i love how whitney is in the running for the teen vogue job while lauren is contemplating another year of interning. to be honest, she is living large with that whole mark dealio and mtv famewhore couture, or whatever the fuck her fashion line is going to be named.
hey, i’d still pluck her eyebrows for her. keep the couch-of-sucky-person-reprimanding warm for me lauren. i’ll bring the vino. you can point and smirk at me all night.
I’m sorry, I’ve been waiting eagerly for the recap all day, and I am so sad it’s not here yet…
LCon, can you pleaaaase post it? We are all so antsy to read it, we are posting on an old recap just to start getting our thoughts out! Thank you!
Blonde Girl–
No, it’s not bad that you thought of Oregon in regards to meth. Unfortunately, Oregon is crawling with meth-heads. As a result, theft has risen. I hate meth-heads with a fucking passion. They are the most squirrely disgusting people in the world.