The End of the Road

The Hills

By L Con | Wednesday, April 4, 2007 | 1:11 am | 223 Comments

Mondays won’t be the same for some time.

Tonight, we wrap up yet another glorious season of drama, underage drinking and deception we know affectionately as “The Hills.”

I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself until H3 or LB4 debuts. If it wasn’t for the confirmation a couple of weeks ago that Lauren signed on for another year, and the fact “Laguna” finally started taping again, I think I would be sitting in my car right now with a hose poking through the window.

Don’t get too excited people. Fortunately for my family; we don’t have to worry about any exhaust-related suicides, for it’ll only be mere months until Liz Gateley and company bless us with another magnificent season of “Laguna” goodness. Before that though, we do have one final, splendid episode left to explore.

Neverhasyounglovelookedsohappy-1

What did spence do in the final moments the show to cause this tenseness??

Find out at the end of the cap. . .

To start the final hurrah, Lauren took us on our usual trip in the Way Back Machine. Only this time, she has taken us WAY back, all the way back to Jason, and “risking” her standing at “Teen Vogue” by skipping out on Paris. I don’t think “risking” was the correct word there, “annihilating” or “obliterating” seem a little more appropriate. Back to real time though, because after last week, we thought Heidi and Spencer were like, totally dunzo. However, Lauren knew better, “For a minute, we all thought they were done, but knowing Heidi, something tells me it’s not over yet.” Well, I don’t think it takes knowing Heidi very well to come to that conclusion, but what do I know. Maybe Lauren saw this week’s preview too…

Heading over to the Hillside Villas, we found Lauren in her typical corner of the couch perch, waiting for someone to arrive for her to chew out. Sure enough, Heidi came bounding down the stairs with some breaking news. Lauren seemed genuinely surprised by Heidi’s appearance, but at the same time, she didn’t seem overly interested in what her roomie had to say. Lauren did perk up a little when Heidi announced she and Spencer had a little tiff the day before, but slight interest soon turned to anger, as Heidi tried to explain her boyfriend’s rationale as to why she should move in. “People don’t just move in together that soon,” Lauren prodded. “Do you really want to change everything you believe in just because some guy is pressuring you?” Is there a draft in here? I think I need a sweater.

Heidi then told Lauren that she did indeed want to move in with Spencer, but basically, she was just sticking around until Lauren gave her a reason to leave, so she didn’t feel that guilty about it. LC was in a giving mood this morning, and obliged quickly, “Don’t let me be your excuse, because I don’t even live with you, I just live with your stuff.” Ouch. Man, I never thought I would say this, but I miss the days of the comedic stylings of Lauren Conrad in the opening scene. She’s starting to go all Michael Richards on us.

Thankfully, the tension was suddenly broken by the peaceful melody of Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten.” Aww, how sad, possibly the last credits with Ho-di as a centerpiece. I wonder what the producers will do next season? Maybe they’ll dub in Audrina bursting into the old apartment with Lauren? It wouldn’t be the first time they tried to pull the wool over our eyes.

After the opening, we immediately headed cross-country to good ol’ NYC. I have mixed feelings about this expedition, only because the last time the “Laguna”/”Hills” franchise made the voyage to New York for an extended period, we had to endure the most lackluster spring break vacation footage of all time. Luckily for us, Christina and Morgan were nowhere to be found, so our windows and mirrors are safe for the time being.

Up in the New York “Vogue” offices, we see Whitney waiting to be led in for her interview, and guess who comes to get her? Yup, you guessed it, the queen of mean herself – EMILY! I thought this was a little odd, considering they are competing for the same job, but that would be too logical I guess. “Hey Emily, be a peach and go fetch your competition for her interview.” Maybe Amy Astley was under the impression that the closet girls and the superintern actually liked each other. Judging by Lauren’s comments last week, I don’t think they’ll be getting birthday cards from Emily any time soon.

Omgihateyou

OMG! I TOTALLY HATE YOU!

Emily was up to her usual tricks, masking her cold, heartless demeanor with petty compliments and small talk. She even asked Whitney if she was nervous about her interview. I half-expected her to cut Whitney off and say something along the lines of, “Well, you should be nervous, Amy Astley hates people from the West Coast. Don’t choke like you did at GMA.”



Dontttriponthatstep

Hey Whit, don’t trip on that phone chord. Oh, I kid.

As Whitney was being led into Amy Astley’s office, we were quickly whisked back to L.A. for pressing business at Bolthouse. The girls are really earning their paychecks today, as we were greeted by the sight of Heidi, Elodie and Kristen sitting around gossiping and reading magazines. I think Brent Bolthouse needs to re-evaluate his hiring strategies. The topic of conversation was – what else – Spencer and Heidi’s relationship. Speaking of re-evaluating things, Heidi might want to take a look at who she’s accepting relationship advice from…

Nicetoseemtvshowingburnvictoms

Heidi takes into consideration taking advice from a Golden Girl

Elodie, all caught up on the gossip, was simply shocked that Heidi was still considering moving in with Spencer after all the crap he’s done. I missed her next few lines though, mainly because I was fixated on the black streak going down the center of her scalp. Now I know what you guys were talking about with her roots, it’s almost as if she was going for some sort of reverse skunk look. I’m no fashion expert, but I’m going to venture that the “reverse faux skunk” is NOT “Teen Vogue”-approved. Elodie needs to stop worrying so much about Heidi’s relationships, and start worrying about her personal appearance a little.

Heidi didn’t totally disagree with Elodie’s assessment of her possible living situations, and stated, “Most of me wants to move in with him, but a big part of me is like ‘What’s the rush?’ ” Whatever. Sensing Elodie and Kristen had swayed from Team Heidi a bit on this one, she decided to ask them when the first time they moved in with a guy was. This should be fun. First, Elodie revealed that she’s never even lived with a guy. Gee, that’s a shock. I figured Elodie would have guys lining up to move in with her, especially after that vapid personal ad she filled out on her MySpace account.

Kristen then revealed that she’s lived with almost every guy she’s ever been with…. Since she was 9. Another shocker, and I think everyone of them has taken 5 years off of her life. She’s the oldest looking 30-year-old I have ever seen. Hell, her current live-in has tried to take off ten years, five for each eye.

Heidi wouldn’t be deterred though, stating, “It’s one of those decisions that you’ll never know if you’re right or wrong. How will you ever know if it’s the right decision or not unless you do it?” What happened to all her talk earlier in the episode about being rational? That might have been the least rational train of thought I’ve ever heard. Hopefully Heidi never ponders killing someone. I mean, she’ll never know if it’s the right decision or not until after the fact, right? Someone needs to let Heidi know that weighing consequences is the new brown this season.

Back to New York, where we got to catch a glimpse of Whitney’s job interview with Amy Astley. Amy asked Whitney to let her know who her favorite photographers and designers were so she could get a feel for Whitney’s fashion sense. Whitney replied quickly with the names Mario Testino and Bruce Weber. These responses appeared to please Astley, because apparently Mario Testino is “always flattering.” Totally, I couldn’t agree more. As far as designers go, Whitney had a few favs as well, “I love Balenciaga, I love YSL, I mean those are obviously clothes that I can’t afford, but just looking at them, and just being in the presence of them, is just amazing.” I feel the same way about Juicy Couture tracksuits. I get disoriented every time I wander near that blueberry ball in the corner of my room.

Just like that, the interview ended, and Whitney was on her way back to L.A. Call me pessimistic, but I wasn’t particularly encouraged by the way the interview wrapped up. Judging from past interviews I’ve had, my potential bosses have never given me the “lots of competition” line when they planned on offering me the job. The times I have gotten that line however, I usually didn’t get a callback. Time will tell I guess. Also, what the hell was Whitney wearing? Besides the fact she was wearing some sort of flower-like lei around her neck, was she really wearing a tank top in the middle of winter in New York? Hopefully having common sense isn’t one of the criteria for becoming a fashion advisor…

Changing gears, we arrived at Bolthouse again, where we saw Heidi engage in the most contrived phone call in the history of Liz Gateley reality programming, and that’s saying something. I’m not sure that the voice on the other end was even Spencer, the person sounded like a villain in a horror movie. Nevertheless, whoever was on the other line convinced Heidi to head over to an unknown address for a “surprise.” I hope Heidi realized what Spencer was implying by “surprise,” but I’m not so sure she did. Heidi then blew by Elodie quickly, telling her that she was taking “a break.” Isn’t that what they were just doing on the couch? Elodie didn’t seem to care though, and quickly resumed her menial tasks of occasionally clicking the mouse and continuously rolling her eyes.



Mindyourownbusiness

Oh, Rose, mind your own beezyweezy

We then saw Spencer chilling on the steps of the mystery address awaiting the arrival of his simple-minded girlfriend. Heidi had no idea what was going on, because she greeted Spencer by asking him what the surprise was. Wow. I almost feel bad for making fun of Heidi now, because she obviously has some sort of learning impairment. Instead of cruising over to the apartment in her Audi, she should have been dropped off by the short bus.

Hiimanasshole

Hey, Im a douche with a house!

Spencer was a little perturbed when they entered the house, mainly because Heidi didn’t seem too enthused about the new living arrangements. Maybe it had something to do with the fact the last time they spoke, Heidi told Spencer she didn’t want to live with him. Nahhhhh. Spencer apparently has a listening problem, because he continued to give Heidi the grand tour using the phrases “your bedroom” and “our apartment.” Surprisingly, Heidi didn’t seem too concerned about our dickheaded friend ignoring her denial, and continued onto the balcony to check out the view. And what a view it was – “We got Les Deux right there, Blowfish over there, we got Don Antonio’s WAY down there.” It’s official, “The Hills” is turning into”The Truman Show.” Pretty soon, Heidi is going to pull up in her car, and tell Spencer, “I love my new Audi, it’s terrific on gas, and is a tremendous value at $37,000. I would recommend that anyone interested in one like it, to head down to Herb Chambers Audi in Lower Hollywood, and check out their tremendous inventory.”

Had this ridiculous ploy by Spencer to undermine Heidi’s wishes worked? You betcha, Heidi was ready to pack her bags immediately. Spencer tried to ease her fears about his playboy attitude a little by swearing off random bimbos at clubs. Very reassuring; I think OJ was more convincing.

After the commercial, we headed over to the Hillside Villas so Heidi could break up with Lauren. This should go smoothly. Heidi began by explaining her douchebag boyfriend’s surprise, telling Lauren “If I wanna live with him, then I should, just like you said.” Heidi may have zero intuition, but she’s definitely a pro when it comes to cop-outs. She went on to let Lauren know that the move is going to be sooner than later as well. This caused Lauren to reply, “Well you need to let me know when, because I need to start looking for a new roommate, and I need to let Audrina know when to move in.” Oops, sorry about the Freudian slip. Anyway, this caused Heidi to respond sarcastically, “Well that’s exciting, a new roommate that will be here all the time. Oh my gosh.” Not to be outdone, Lauren let Heidi know how perfect everything seemed, and sardonically declared, “What could go wrong?” This has started to get a little bit awkward; the girls are now openly patronizing each other. Even the way Lauren threw her ice in the sink was uncomfortable. That draft I was feeling during the opening scene has turned into a full-fledged arctic chill at this point. I’ve had breakups with long-term girlfriends that were less cold than this.



Yourmoving

You what now?

Nooimhappy

No, Im totally happy for you.

Reallyfuckinghappy

Yep, Uber freakin’ thrilled.

Dontilookhappy

Of course, I can smile for you. Ow Ow Ow



Lookimhappyhappyhappy

Here we go. There, see? Soo…..happy…..friend.

Up in Brody’s condo, Spencer and Brody were busy breaking up as well. This one was a little more amicable though, mainly because the two of them are much better at conducting themselves in contrived situations. Hell must have frozen over, because Brody started to dole out sage advice, “Why even move in, why not just keep it the way it is, live here, and just keep seeing her like you are?” Spencer’s response came as no surprise, “Because I don’t want her living with Lauren.” At least he finally admitted it. And to think, he had us all believing he really loved Heidi all this time…

The big question remained though: Was Spence going to be available still for boys’ night out on a whim? Of course he was: “Just call the homeboy phone,” he said. If there were any doubts that Spencer has, and will cheat on Heidi again, he erased them all right there. Only cheaters have two separate lines. One for the girlfriend, and one for the other girlfriends (and boyfriend). Spencer continued on his quest to become more hated than bin Laden, and had this conversation with Brody. I swear, this didn’t come from my wild imagination.

Spencer: “I was born a player, dog, that’s what I do. I’m not gonna change, Spencer’s Spencer.”

Brody: “Playboy Spence.”

Spencer: (Pointing at himself) “Still the man.”

Brody: “You are going to be out of there so fast.”

Spencer: (Banging hand on counter) “HAHAHAHAHA!”

L-Con: (Raising a pistol) I hope you both rot in hell!”

Well, maybe that last part came from my crazy imagination. I did agree with Brody again though, because I just don’t see Spencer lasting in this living situation, especially since he’ll be so far away (walking distance) from his mancrush.



Brodacious: “Can I lick your neck one last time? You know, for old time’s sake?”



Shitmyhairshuge

Spencstasm – “Bring your tongue awaggin’ on the lick me train! Choo Choo!!

Back at Hillside, Lauren walked in the door, only to find Heidi already packing up her stuff. Maybe Heidi should have told her that she was taught “soon” and “immediately” meant the same thing at the “special school.” Heidi apparently started to feel guilty about the whole thing, and told Lauren, “I definitely think that, since I’m like moving out, I should make more of Taco Tuesday, and like really come every Tuesday.” It seems that Lauren and Heidi day is also known as “Taco Tuesday” in some circles. Interesting. Lauren wasn’t buying Heidi’s good intentions, and replied, “Well what’s the difference with you moving out? You don’t do it now, and you live with me.” Lauren has been like a scorned lover in the finale. I kept waiting for LC to begin yelling at her former roomate about how she’s the best Heidi will ever have.

Heading outside, it was time to say goodbye. I don’t know if it was the music or what, but it started getting a little dusty in castle de L-Con. As well done as the scene was, I definitely could have done without the now-infamous “Heidi-in-the-side-mirror-shot.” Between Lauren and Heidi, and Spencer and Brody, the homoerotic undertones in this episode have been STAGGERING. The only thing missing from this scene was rain, the van’s brake lights going on, and Heidi running into Lauren’s outstretched arms while the version of “Secret Garden” with the Jerry Maguire lines played softly in the background. You had me at hello.

After the break, we headed back to Bolthouse yet again, so Heidi could keep our newly brunetted beaver Elodie up to speed on the latest gossip. She seemed shocked that Heidi didn’t take her unproven advice. Maybe it was because Elodie appears to only speak out of the right side of her mouth. Did Elodie have an episode of Bell’s palsy and I didn’t get the Myspace bulletin?? Heidi went on to tell the facial paralysis victim that she planned on cooking for Spencer that evening. She then told Elodie that she would be calling if she needed help, or started a fire. That might not be such a great idea, considering Elodie couldn’t remember the words “pots” and “pans.”

The next thing we saw was Lauren coming home again with what appeared to be a pizza and a bottle of champagne. OK, this was officially starting to get a little weird. As Lauren was reaching for a couple of wine glasses, I couldn’t help but notice a picture in a white frame of two women (most likely Lauren and Heidi) giving each other what appeared to be “bedroom eyes.” Are the producers trying to tell us something? If this gets any more out of hand, they are going to start listing Lauren as “LC/Lesbian Curious” at the bottom of the screen.

Wait a second, there are boxes everywhere; I thought Heidi moved out earlier? Who could the second wine glass be for then? A new boyfriend? No, of course not silly, it’s for her new roomy/lover Audrina! Lauren then eagerly showed her new ladyfriend the scrumptious spread she had brought home for her, saying “It’s to celebrate our first night together.” Yeah, she really said that. I don’t even need to make jokes anymore at this point. I think I could just print out the transcript and it would be sufficient.

Wow. Lauren just barely avoided spraying Audrina down with the champagne. I think my head’s about to explode. I don’t even want to joke about this anymore, but I can’t help it. I’m swimming in an endless sea of homosexual connotations, and I simply cannot see the shore. Damn you, MTV.



Thunderthunderthundercatshoooo

Thunder Thunder thunder-cats HOOOOOOOOOO’s

Over at Heidi and Spencer’s place, we spied on the two of them enjoying some heterosexual wrestling on the floor of their new digs. Finally, some Biblically approved straight fun. Anyway, Speidi’s hardwood rendezvous might have almost been endearing if it weren’t for the fact that Spencer is such a huge douchebag.



Neverhasyounglovelookedsohappy-2

Sadly, all Spence did was manipulated her to move in with him.

Oh, the look of young love in 2007. If they dont have a chance, then how could any of us?

Flashback quickly to Lauren’s condo of apparent lesbian innuendo, because Audrina needed confirmation that she was the only apple of Lauren’s eye. “What if she breaks up with Spencer, and comes back and expects everything to be the same?” Audrina better hope that scenario doesn’t come to fruition, because apparently Lauren thinks everything would go back to normal. “You know what? It kind of would be,” she said. Watch out, ‘Drina. After a couple of more flashes back and forth between the two abodes, we finally ended with Heidi telling Spencer how she had promised herself she wouldn’t move in with a guy unless she had been with him for two years, so he better not make her regret it. I don’t think she has to worry about that, this is Spencer we’re talking about here. She’ll be back in the Villas in no time.

And with that, the season was over. *Tear.* I would talk about the aftershow briefly if it hadn’t been such a poorly disguised attempt to salvage the Monday lineup next week. There were a couple of interesting comments though, and I’ll probably get to them on the message board. What did you guys think of this episode, and the season as a whole? I thought it was better than last. Also, were the homoerotic insinuations becoming unbearable to anyone else?

For all the strictly “Laguna”/”Hills” readers, I’ll see you in a few months. Oh, by the way, the twist was that MTV dropped the entire cast, and we’re going to be starting fresh with a completely new group for LB4. I don’t know whether to be hoppy or sad about this. Only time will tell. See you guys on the boards.

About

223 Comments

  1. 1
    remford
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:32 am

    There may very well be an exhaust related suicide if it turns out that Heidi actually did move in with Mr. Massengill. Then again, he’s at equal risk if he learns that the marketing wing of “Brand Brody” just got itself written out of future episodes by Lauren exercising the “Douchebag Provision” of his contract.

    Who knows? Maybe it’ll be a two-fer with Spence turning the tables on the queen of the non sequitur. After running the hose and turning the ignition, he tells her, “Get out of my car” one again, and just to piss him off, she stays.

    I’ve never before seen such ridiculous contrivance. Two coworkers telling her to run like hell instead of moving in with he who smells of vinegar and water was just the conversation she needed to make up her mind to move in with him? Puhleez….

    P.S. Is it just me, or does Spence look like Maxx Headroom and Maria Shriver’s love child?

  2. 2
    elle sea
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:51 am

    This was not funny at all. It was mean, and not in a funny way. I used to really enjoy reading these. Can we get someone better to do these recaps? I miss B-Side.

  3. 3
    remford
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:57 am

    Can “we” get someone better? Sure “we” can… as soon as “we” start paying the salaries. “We” aren’t happy? “We” should ask for a refund.

  4. 4
    CapitalCH
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:59 am

    I’m going to miss The Hills, but I’m SO glad Heidi might be out of the picture. It seemed like she and Lauren weren’t even friends at all this season. Hopefully Lauren learned that group just wanted her for fame and hopefully Spencer, Brody, and Heidi are out for good. I was really hoping for LB3 previews or something, but instead we just got Taquita and Kaui…

    oh and has anyone seen these videos? Some creepy fat guy was video taping the LB3 kids and just zooms in on every girls’ ass that walks by. I feel bad for the kids when people like him are roaming around…

  5. 5
    longhairedman
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 3:33 am

    It continues to amaze me that readers think TVgasm pays these writers. Its’ been written all over the place that they don’t.

    B-Side, when asking for new writers, wrote, “You will not get paid.”

    This is volunteer work, treat them accordingly.

  6. 6
    Mrs.Meow
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:06 am

    I liked the recap! Of course, I always think short bus jokes are funny, so…

    Did anyone watch the reunion show? I was only able to see about 2 seconds of it – my DVR was being crazy. Did they say where Heidi was? Also, did anyone ask Lauren what she thought of Heidi after she saw that she totally was involved in the Jenn/Brody hook-up? These are questions I think about.

    Also, where did you hear about LB4 being a new cast?

  7. 7
    Kerri
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:07 am

    I enjoyed the last episode but the recap wasn’t fun or funny. The sarcasm was over whelming and the tone was rather nasty.
    My goodness. This is The Hills. It’s supposed to be silly.
    I have to agree with Elle Sea on this one.

  8. 8
    addicted
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:35 am

    I think in general the recap was funny, but I think the burn victim stuff was mean and actually stopped me from enjoying it.

  9. 9
    EstelleHairball
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:40 am

    Mrs Meow- As for the question about the Jenn/Brody hookup, it was never asked. I was almost yelling at the tv, I was so frustrated. The questions asked were lame, and the answers didn’t give a lot of insight. They also were cutting to Hillary Duff, and random people were there who had nothing to do with the Hills. It was a big waste of time.

  10. 10
    mandymax
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:51 am

    Did anyone else notice that there was absolutely no joy expressed by either Heidi or Spencer at her moving in? She did NOT seem happy to be doing it, he flat-out admitted to Brody that he was only doing it to get Heidi away from Lauren, and the whole closing scene with the “Don’t make me regret this” . . . it made me sad. Wouldn’t taking the next step in your relationship seem like a HAPPY occasion? The whole thing is just so dark and twisted.

    And I do have to agree, here – burn victim jokes, short bus jokes, Bell’s palsy jokes – none of them are funny. They’re just cruel. You don’t have to be cruel to be funny in a recap.

  11. 11
    sassybella19
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:53 am

    i agree, the live after party was retarded. but MTV tells the people which questions to ask so i’m not surprised. btw who the fuck are Tequita and Kaui or whoever the hell they are. that was just annoying. i hate dumb girls like heidi. a five year old can tell Spencer’s full of shit: Heidi: no more blonde bunnies, promise? Spencer: Um, sure i swear. IDIOTS!!

  12. 12
    Lime23
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:53 am

    Hola, L-Con — It sounds like you think LC was a bit too cold/b*tchy to Heidi, but I for one thought she (LC) was almost Per-fect. No bitter recriminations, just quiet disdain leavened with moments of snark. And momentary sadness at the end for the friendship that once was (or, at least, that she thought once was).

    Perhaps you don’t have enough Heidi hate. L-Con: Speidi has declared war. On the world. (See article, wherein Spencer announces they are taking over the world.) This threat must be taken seriously. They are Osama Bin Speidi. Code Red, L-Con. They must be stamped out.

    Is anyone else worried that wh-wh-whitney may be in trouble with her job prospects based on the whole Lawren episode. Where, among other things, whitney was heard to utter “they’re just clothes.” Just clothes?! Apostasy! (Cut to Amy Astley: “Whitney, I need to know how much you love clothes. Do you really, really, really love clothes, or do you just really love clothes? If clothes and a Van Gogh painting are in a burning building, which do you save? What about clothes and a cute little puppy with a bow on it, and the burning building has alligators in it? What about…”)

    I worry.

  13. 13
    Sarah
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:00 am

    My Hills recapper was the Tabloid Whore who signed off forever a few weeks back, much to my disappointment. With that said, thank you Laguna Consultant for taking the time and writing a recap. I am in Canada and cannot wait for the three week behind MTV Canada broadcast of the Hills. So many thanks again for taking the time, it is appreciated.

  14. 14
    Lime23
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:03 am

    Mandymax — I agree with you, there was no joy/happiness in the move. Looking at that picture of them in the van kind of reminds of me of the last scene in The Graduate. (..now what?)

    Seriously, when is that last time we’ve seen Heidi smile or laugh? Didn’t she used to be kind of bubbly and vivacious? Didn’t she also used to be vaguely attractive? Now she’s just an overdyed, emaciated automaton. That said, she does have a nice apartment. (:))

  15. 15
    Shirtwiener
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:25 am

    There really isn’t anymore words to say about America’s most hated couple, except PLEASE GOD, don’t let them have babies. Can you imagine the unfortunate bone structure of their kid. That “reunion” was a complete fuck-up. MTV should fire Susie and never show Hilary Duffs chompers again.

  16. 16
    CoCo
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:36 am

    Ok, the recap, I laughed but I didn’t like the caps under Lauren and Audrina…”that’s how my uncle told me to do it”??? WTF? That was just digusting and pointless to the story.

    Next topic.

    I bet when Spencer and Heidi were in their apartment (what happened to spencer getting a house?) and watching this episode, he probably was telling her, “Hey babe, this is how I’m getting ratings for this show, I’m pretending to be a douche bag so I will have all these people mad at me and keep watching” and I picture Heidi saying “Spencer and snapple both start with S!” and obviously being very excited about her new found discovery. But seriously, this is sad and it’s hard not to blame Heidi, but I see her as a victim because for some reason she has the lowest self esteem I have seen and this a-hole has found a way to prey on it.

    Ick, that there is a new cast of LB4! I like the bland fights and the not so witty comments. (I am a person that also likes stale popcorn and chips…)

    Oh and I was so pissed that I wasted my precious sleeping time for that stupid “Hills after party” it was so lame and no good questions where asked i.e. “Audrina, I’m a party planner in the Virutal Hills, what’s your favorite music….”

  17. 17
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:39 am

    Lime23, I am glad someone else saw the similarity to “The Graduate” at the end!

    I too thought Lauren was appropriately icy in this episode. I’d be downright homicidal if I had to put up with Toothy McDouche and Heidi-Ho.

    Didn’t Heidi have a Mercedes earlier in the season? Just wondered where the Audi came from.

    The after-show was ATROCIOUS. Can we start a campaign to fire Suzie? I did notice one thing; Lauren said she wasn’t really friends w/ Jenn Jenner or Brody anymore, but didn’t someone say they had all gone to Cancun or something recently?

  18. 18
    watermelon
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:39 am

    My friends and I were yelling at the tv on Monday, especially considering the fact that Spencer doesn’t seem to realize that he’s being taped for NATIONAL TELEVISION. What does he think Heidi’s going to think when she hears his conversation with Brody? Of course, that’s assuming that she has the same common sense level of a preschooler. But hey, we may be expecting too much.

    By the way, Lcon, I have love for you :) Rest assured that some of us think you’re fantastic.

  19. 19
    McCreamy
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:42 am

    I think the recap was fine, B-side’s were never 100% politically correct and no one ever gave him crap about it.

    I also thought it was funny. They have been getting better and better since your first. It’s too bad the season ended so soon after you took over!

    I wish they would tell us if Whitney got the job or not!

    How could they drop the entire LB cast, did they replace them w/other kids from Laguna Beach high school? Is it a completely different clique alltogether? I would think since they seem to prefer “popular” kids that there would only be a small group to choose from.

  20. 20
    Jesst
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:55 am

    THANK YOU for the comment about Whitney’s interview outfit. It looked like she was wearing a clown ruffle around her neck.

  21. 21
    Green Tea
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:02 am

    The lesbian stuff was completely unnecessary. Shock value when what we want is pithy comment on what did happen. (not some lame theory).

  22. 22
    AC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:08 am

    Episode Analysis: The passive-aggression was almost unbearable this episode between Heidi and Lauren. Lauren was completely merited in the way she responded to Heidi. Everyone knows it’s a bad idea for Heidi to move in with Spencer. Heidi has definitively chosen Spencer and I think Lauren is numb to it all and realizes she can’t do anything about the situation except let Heidi do what she wants. It’s a tough lesson for us girls to learn with our friends, but a necessary one.

    Heidi kept mentioning the Playmates, so I’m taking it that this episode filmed around the time the Playmate episode aired. You could tell Heidi was unsure about the move and whenever there is hesitation, usually your gut is trying to tell you something. I wonder how Heidi responded to Spencer’s complicated playa phone trickery after viewing this episode?

    Recap Analysis: Gee, I don’t even know if I should bother commenting. You guys have all basically said everything I was thinking. I did laugh at the caption where Emily tells Whitney not to trip on the phone cord. I found the other captions pretty stupid and offensive. Talking about people’s appearances and INCEST are just immature. It also shows lack of creativity and wit. At least he didn’t include any defecation jokes.

    And I just read the comments you guys left on the other episode’s board. Thanks for the support! I don’t know who the person who wished I would just go away was. I JOKINGLY (You were right, Cheez!) said LCon , but I don’t know who it really was and it doesn’t matter. It could have been him, it could have been my mom. I just think it’s stupid to post such things anonymously.

  23. 23
    babeblue
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:11 am

    the after-show

    did suck!

    but, i was glad to see that lauren has finally relaxed her hard-as-nails stance on heidi choosing between best friend and boyfriend. at least lc has matured enough to know that she shouldn’t have approached the situation that way.

    losing a close friendship can be difficult, but when the situation was reversed, heidi didn’t accuse lc of destroying their friendship by moving in with douchebag jason.

    why don’t they ever ask good questions on these interviews? the only reason i watched the aftershow was that i was just WAITING for someone to ask what lauren thought about heidi’s role in the whole jenn/brody saga.

  24. 24
    AC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:11 am

    Oh yeah, the “homoeroticism” stuff? That never crossed my mind while watching this episode. Especially between Spencer and Brody? WTF? I don’t even get it.

  25. 25
    gnomecorp
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:13 am

    So funny! I will miss The Hills…

  26. 26
    Tiffany
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:17 am

    Can “we” get someone better? Sure “we” can… as soon as “we” start paying the salaries. “We” aren’t happy? “We” should ask for a refund.

    Posted by: remford | April 4, 2007 1:57 AM(#3 of 25)

    tee-hee!! i agree!!

    I love how LC said at the after-show if anything happened between Speidi she would welcome back Heidi with open arms..

    That’s all that matters. Heidi is grown, she is making her own decisions-no matter what anyone else thinks or says. And I applaud LC for being a good friend to accept how things are!

  27. 27
    isthisawkward
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:20 am

    Spencer: (Banging hand on counter) “HAHAHAHAHA!”
    L-Con: (Raising a pistol) I hope you both rot in hell!”

    hilarious! and CoCo, i cracked up just as much reading your comment! thanks for a good laugh.

    Didn’t see the ep but it sounds like it was unfullfilling anyways… i keep waiting for Heidi to break up with Spencer but it JUST ISN’T HAPPENING!!! It’s really the only reason i tune in…

  28. 28
    silentfire
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:27 am

    Yeah.. while watching the episode i never got a gay/lebian vibe, that was kinda out there. But the rest of the recap was fine.

    I too thought the aftershow was a waste of time, I expected the trio to be the focus of the show but instead it was just advertisement for MTV, total ripoff! Also the new show about the losers of MTB3…MTV must be in some desperate need for material because I had no clue as to who they were and why they even got a show. Then to include them in the hills aftershow was just dumb.

    I wish someone asked if whitney got the job.

  29. 29
    ilovecrappytv
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:29 am

    Did anyone else notice Spencer’s chain wallet? I’m pretty sure those aren’t considered stylish anymore. Also, my roommate watched the finale with me (her first time watching the show) and she could not get over how unattractive Spencer is, let alone what a jackass.

    Also, on the aftershow, could you believe that one of the aftershow girls asked Lauren if she regretted not going to Paris? What a horrible waste of a question! Of course she does, we all know that by now.

  30. 30
    Mrs.Meow
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:32 am

    Just saw this headline on US Weekly.com “Exclusive: The Hill’s Heidi Montag Gets Implants”

    I guess that’s why she wasn’t at the aftershow…

    Sorry, don’t know how to make this clickable:
    http://www.usmagazine.com/i_the_hills_i_heidi_montag_gets_implants_0

  31. 31
    tulip618
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:32 am

    CoCo (#19)-I never thought about it, but you are so right. i can totally picture spencer telling heidi he was just acting like asn ass to get ratings and her totally believing it. sometimes i feel sorry for her, and sometimes i wonder how stupid a person can really be….

    side note: i just read on tmz that heidi got a boob job. hmmm….spencer influence much?

  32. 32
    Mrs.Meow
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:34 am

    Apparently I DO know how to make things clickable.

  33. 33
    Blueberdie
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:34 am

    Did any one see a preview for the Hills season finale where Whitney is on the phone with Lauren and says “I have some exciting news”….defintely implied that Whitney got the job in NY. However then the preview was edited differently and that scene was removed. Was I dreaming?

    I think MTV just wants to keep their options open, so they are not telling us.

  34. 34
    tulip618
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:34 am

    oops, sorry-didn’t see mrs. meow!

  35. 35
    Kate
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:42 am

    This show really needs to get Lauren to do more interesting things next season so we don’t have to see so much of Speidi – I can’t stand them and I wish they’d be kicked off the show!

  36. 36
    YankeesFan
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:42 am

    Bluebirdie – I saw that preview also and was wondering when that scene was going to appear.

    I also did not notice any homosexualness in the episode. I thought it was cute that Lauren brought home pizza and champagne!

    I wish that I had Lauren’s knack for one liners. Her quote about living with Heidi’s stuff at the beginning of the episode is definitely one of her best.

    Do the employees at Bolthouse ever do anything? Heidi is always either on the phone, reading a magazine or talking with Elodie! How does that fly?!

  37. 37
    CoCo
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:43 am

    Ok, so “Heidi just doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it,” says a source. “She did this for herself, and she’s hoping to keep it as private as possible.”

    Um, sure, and I bet Spence-inator, I mean the source, really respected that by leaking it out that Heidi will be more pointless then ever.

    I just picture Heidi trying to float in a pool and acting very confused as to why the water balloons Spencer convinced her to get are not helping her float like he promised…

  38. 38
    Marble Rye
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:47 am

    So now Heidi gets to live with 3 big boobs (or counting herself that would be
    4) GIANT BOOBS.

  39. 39
    blueberdie
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:18 am

    I guess Whitney getting the NY job and
    Heidi moving out might just be too many
    “goodbyes” for poor LC in just one episode. I think that’s why MTV didn’t
    resolve the Whitney storyline.

    So many possibilities for change next season.

  40. 40
    Melissa
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:18 am

    If you don’t like the recap or if it offends you, don’t read it.

  41. 41
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:33 am

    BEST Recap yet, L-Con! LOL!

    I thought you were right on the money with the homo-erotic love quadrangle. LOL!

    I thought the same thing about Kristen, Heidi’s geriatric co-worker. Of course Elodie’s eye-rolls are the highlight of any scene taking place at Bolthouse Procuctions, ha hah hah…

    I’ve got SOOOOOOO much to say about Spencer the RETARD, and Heidi, his side-kick – who at this point, needs a SHORT BUS all to herself. You know, so it can contain her giant, almost encephalitic-sized ego! But I gotta work dammit! Also, I’ve been spending too much time on my computer lately, and I have a headache!

    On the aftershow, someone asked Lauren about JenJenner, and she said essentially the friendship was permanently in the shitter.

    L-Con, you’re doing great – B-Side’s gone and some of these whiners need to get the fuck over it. You rock, my friend :-) Hope you’ll keep up with it, you are really funny! LOL!

  42. 42
    AC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:36 am

    Oh Melissa.

  43. 43
    bettyjoe
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:36 am

    This recap was ok. It was kinda mean but i still liked it.

    I can’t believe spencer! Someone said about heidi seeing the show and what he told brody. Of course theres probably an excuse or something. or she could be completely stupid.

    Seriously i’m waiting for her to end it with spencer and come back to lauren. or even worse get pregnant, married and divorced within the same month. haha i know something bad is going to happen. just wait…

  44. 44
    Lisa
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:39 am

    I agree about how unhappy Heidi and Spencer look in the van – you’d think taking a step like this in your relationship would make you excited and happy, but if I had to strike a deal with my boyfriend involving Playmates before I moved in with him, I wouldn’t be so psyched either.

    Was anyone else bothered by Spencer’s “I’m still a little mad that it took you so long to say yes” line when they were having pillow-on-the-floor snuggle time? Nothing like bringing up an old fight to make your girlfriend feel confident in her decision. I was mildly proud of Heidi for mentioning her 2-year rule and that this is kind of a big deal for her, so Spencer should respect that.

    Wait, Spencer and respect in the same sentence? Naaahh…

  45. 45
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:39 am

    BTW L-Con,

    100+ comments is pretty damn good, regardless of the content! At least the haters are providing you with some great #####’S!

  46. 46
    Cybit
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:40 am

    I didn’t get the homoerotic undertones, but the thundercats reference had me literally fall out of my chair laughing. I think your captions are the best I’ve seen. :D

    Interesting that they are going with an all new cast. I suspect it might have had to do with some of the cast members feeling a bit of entitlement about getting big. I also understand the newport beach idea, if they can find a group of kids who don’t believe they are going to necessarily make it big on MTV, they are more likely to be “legit” towards the cameras. One of the things about LB Season 1 and 2 is you got the idea that most of the kids didn’t think the show would go anywhere. S2 started filming during S1′s release, so they still didn’t realize how big it was going to get till after the end of season 2. But now the season 3 kids all end up expecting to become big stars out of it, and so start treating it like a drama as opposed to a reality show…

  47. 47
    ABC Girl
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:46 am

    Alright, as of today I can confirm that Whitney is not officially working for Teen Vogue– unless she’s starting after her graduation in May, she’s not part of our company full time yet– although Emily is….

    Finally to the people making fun of Whitney’s clothes & ruffles at her interview: people dress like this all the time at the company. It’s called individual style and mixing things up that most people don’t do (or can’t get away with but Whitney can. It keeps you unique. Whitney’s got East Coast flair and I was pleasantly surprised as I expected full on West Coast style from her.

    Last but not least I was surprised to see Audrina move in– she had the cutest little apartment with great design! Hopefully Lauren trys to keep things neat & clean because Audrina’s apartment was always so stylish and clean.
    As for Heidi, I don’t like her at all. Never met her and never want to. She’s shallower than shallow and totally ignorant– fully proven when she took off with Spencer and got the breast implants. She’s further ruining her frienships, her self esteem and now her health. Pretty girl is pretty stupid.

    My Monday nights will not be the same until “The Hills” returns. I am full on rooting for Lauren & Audrina and hoping Heidi disappears; she’s had longer than the 15 minutes she barely deserved. That goes for Spencer The Douchebag and Brody The Man Whore.

  48. 48
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:48 am

    I wasn’t offended by this recap…I just think it sucked. But, I sort of thought the episode sucked too.

    I wish we knew the dates when LB and The Hills were returning.

  49. 49
    achew!
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:50 am

    OMG!! I heard on the radio this morning that Heidi Montag got a boob job!!!!! That sleez spencer probably talked her into it. Gross

  50. 50
    shia0bundan
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:53 am

    MissKatrina. I wholeheartedly agree! Susie is SO terrible with aftershows of ANYKIND! Especially when she does Real World/Road Rules reunions! She has zero interviewing skills, which is no wonder as her only TV qualification is uhh. Pageantry.

    As for this season of The Hills… muuuuuuch better than the first season. Season 1 was pretty much unwatchable to me. Sorry Heidi haters, but this season wouldn’t have been so entertaining without the Speidi drama. I’m going to miss Speidi-centric The Hills! Season 3 might just slip into Season 1 (barely passable television).

    As for Laguna Beach.. brand new cast? Aww. Well I liked Raquel and her boy, and Breanna. They should have just scrapped Kyndra, Cami, Lexie and the bimbo crew and found some other cast members to go in with it.

    Oh well, hopefully LB 4′s cast is something closer to the gloriousness of LB 1 and 2!

    And L-Con, I love your recaps. Seeeee ya for LB? :)

  51. 51
    Green Tea
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:54 am

    I agree that Whitney has great style, and I thought she look great at her interview!
    She was drop dead dazzling walking along the streets of NY.

    On the other hand, Audrina’s apartment was a little too middle-brow taste for me.
    I looks like she might have potpourri somewhere……….Love her, but don’t think she’s got any shelter mags rushing in to take her at home pix.

  52. 52
    Mallory
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:58 am

    oh my god spencer suuuuuucks. If I ever see him out I will have a really hard time not like throwing a drink on him or something… he may be the worlds biggest douchebag. Um… so is Heidi like actually mentally handicapped? Are we serious here? How does she think he’s a remotely good person? Wow, it like makes me physically angry that he sucks SO bad.

    that being said, I really like Lauren again, which was not the case when she chose not to go to Paris.

    Also, I loved the recap… the episode wasn’t that funny so there wasn’t that much to joke about, everyone who’s ripping on you should chill.

    did they say in the after show whether whitney got the job? I watched for like 10 minutes and none of the call ins asked and it was pissing me off so I watched south park instead.

  53. 53
    mandymax
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:59 am

    Lisa #55 – yes, I caught that. Also caught on the front steps of the apartment building, after Heidi’s exclamation that “Wow, you’re happy to see me!” Spencer’s, “Yeah, but I’m irritated at you” reply (paraphrasing, but the word “irritated” was definitely in there).

    Heidi’s attractive, WAS a good friend to Lauren in season one, HAD a backbone when it came to what she would and wouldn’t take from Jordan (remember when she got so mad and upset with him for cursing at her?) – what happened? She may not be the brightest crayon in the box, I don’t know, but she certainly used to know who she was and what she didn’t and didn’t deserve. It truly worries me.

  54. 54
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:04 am

    This is bothering me – Why did ToothMcDouche have such a big ass UHaul?

    Lauren’s post-Heidi apartment looked intact….Hodi certainly didn’t contribute living room, kitchen furniture or those things you cook with…there’s a name for those things….it’ll come to me to there new lair.

    Speidi was/were (hmmm – combined name makes for awkward gramatical usage – just another reason to despise them!) laying on the bare floor at the end of the episode.
    Did they need that whole truck for her bedroom set?

    More product placement?
    I feel so used

  55. 55
    Ames
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:15 am

    Does anyone know who made Lauren’s dress that she wore on the Aftershow? It was a beautiful dress!

  56. 56
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:23 am

    Thanks for the scoop ABC Girl.

    I actually think Spencer’s somewhat dangerous to Heidi. His blatant acknowledgment to Brody about wanting to live with Heidi, just to get her away from Lauren is a HUGE red flag.

    Someone already said it, and I agree, Heidi seemed really stressed and unhappy about moving in with Spencer. She had no joy, excitement, anticipation, etc. She looked like she was being sent into the witness protection program, yeah you’ll live but you won’t ever see your friends or family again. Spencer is REALLY BAD news, I actually hope Heidi’s family watched this and has the sense to try and intervene. Heidi is in WAAAAYYYYY over head on this one, he’s sick.

  57. 57
    Shirtwiener
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:28 am

    It’s weird that some people find Heidi so attractive. Her face reminds me of a girl version of Jake Tucker (the upside down faced kid) from Family guy.

  58. 58
    simper1
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:54 am

    Here is a girl’s prospective on this episode. Not that I don’t love L-Con, just some different thoughts…

  59. 59
    Casedilla
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:56 am

    McCreamy (#22), I totally agree with you. B-Side was borderline snarky and un-PC in several of his recaps, but nobody ever got on his case for it. In fact, the sarcastic angle of TVGasm’s recappers is one of the things that has kept me reading over the past few years. L-Con, I think this was your funniest post yet and I can’t wait to read more from you when these shows return.

    As for the LB4 news, I am thrilled. I thought the LB3 cast was beyond lame and boring to watch (but don’t kid yourself, I tuned in every week.) Not to be a total cynic, but I am doubtful that MTV casting will be able to recreate the chemistry that drew everyone to the ‘Guna in the first place. I think they struck gold with the original cast, and got very lucky with season two’s crew. LB3 was a gamble that clearly did not pay off.

  60. 60
    heehaw
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:03 am

    i am confident that mtv worked some hollywood magic and superimposed Heidi’s soooooo sad face in the rear view mirror of the uhaul as it pulled away from the weeping lauren. check it out. TOO FAKE! DAMN YOUR EYES!!!!!!!

  61. 61
    Casedilla
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:05 am

    Sidenote: L-Con, would you consider posting another round of unflattering screen caps that you couldn’t fit in, like you did last week? I just need something to ease the pain of not having another LB or Hills recap to look forward to next week…clearly I need to get a life.

  62. 62
    gnomecorp
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:13 am

    Mario? Is that you?

  63. 63
    heehaw
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:21 am

    SOMETHING weird about mr bling bling bmw 6, gold jewelry medallions, luxury condo spencer renting a uhaul and loading it himself like the Beverly hillbilly’s.

  64. 64
    Prado
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:22 am

    Mean? Yes. Low-blows and cheap shots? Yes. BUT, this is the 1st LC recap that has actually made me chuckle even a little. Even LOLed a couple of times (Thundercats? Hilarious!). Totally un-PC, but is that really what we read this for? Good job (FINALLY!), LC!!

  65. 65
    NYWord
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:29 am

    L-Con-

    Your confidence in writing has vastly improved. You’ll never be B-side, but I think people who are offended by your jokes are touche.

    I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of your recaps, but I dont think youre a fat loser who was too ugly to be on LB anymore.

    I guess you just wanted this REALLY badly.

    Love
    NYWord

  66. 66
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:17 am

    SHUT UP! A free boob job? As in, “I will get you free publicity if you do it for nothing”??

    so sad

    sounds like The God Father’s purse strings don’t extend to his boytoy’s live in puppet.

    Turning tricks on Hollywood Blvd to pay for ToothyMcDouche’s dermabrasion can’t be far off

  67. 67
    AC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:41 am

    I agree with anonymity above me! I think you actually have it in you, LCon! Now we will never know. Well, maybe until next season.

  68. 68
    nic
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:44 am

    I love the Herb Chambers reference! Especially since I used to live across the streets from like 5 of them!

  69. 69
    cath619
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:53 am

    where have the colored-hair sisters been?

  70. 70
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    Team Ashes, I agree.

    I wouldn’t doubt that Heidi had considered it for years. But the “F” word reeks of Spencer.

    Is Heidi savvy enough to make that kind of publicity offer to a plastic surgeon? Not without Spencer’s hand up her ass making her lips move.

    Any woman that would move in with that knuckle draggin troglodyte is NOT bright enough to put that kind of deal together.

  71. 71
    YankeesFan
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    http://www.usmagazine.com/war_rages_in_i_the_hills_i

  72. 72
    DA.Darling
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    Hey for everyone who has been complaining about the recaps – LEAVE!!! WE DON’T WANT TO READ YOUR WHINING!!! If you don’t like the site, don’t click on it.

    I’m guessing a lot of the people complaining weren’t good enough to do the recaps and are jealous L-Con got picked instead of them.

  73. 73
    AC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    Yup, you’re so smart, DA. Darling! What great and original insight. I’m sure MENSA is proud of your logical analysis abilities.

  74. 74
    mandymax
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    I generally don’t comment on these kinds of things, but I have to ask: Why is it that whenever someone has a critique of something someone else has done, or of that person him/herself, the response is always that the critic MUST be jealous? Why is it so implausible that perhaps the critic just genuinely doesn’t agree with that person?

  75. 75
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    I think I’m about to go into a serious TVDEPRESSION!

    No Hills. Laguna is trying new stuff. Gilmore Girls and (probably) Veronica Mars are going off the air.

    I’m in mourning.

  76. 76
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    AC,

    In this darkness, you make me laugh.

  77. 77
    Lime23
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:44 pm

    Oops, #99 = Lime23

  78. 78
    TheEmancipationofGigi
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 12:59 pm

    I’m pretty surprised that people are so concerned/worried that they are completely redoing the cast for Season 4. They need to! Last season was absolutely, positively AWFUL. There wasn’t a single redeeming quality about it. I was the biggest fan of Seasons 1 and 2, and maybe watched 6 episodes of Season 3.

    I think the reason why Season 3 was such a disaster–in addition to the self-aware cast–was that the people were just plain whores who hooked up with anyone in sight. The Kristen-Stephen-LC love triangle at least brought some real feelings and emotions to the show, not to mention Jessica’s love obsession for Jason!

  79. 79
    Lime23
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    #101 — The uncle reference is in the screen caps, if you scroll through. (That’s what people are talking about when they mention incest.) The implication being that the champagne bottle is phallic, that Lauren’s uncle “taught” her how to do it, and that she can’t get any of “it” on her, or “Mom” will find out.

    I guess some people find that … funny

  80. 80
    cefisher82
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    Nice job Laguna Consultant! I thought it was a very humorous recap… I actually did laugh at the Heidi weighing the option of killing someone.

    By the way, did ANYONE notice Heidi’s horrendous hair-do at the end of the show when she was canoodling with Spencer in the apartment? It appeared as if she stuck her finger in a socket.

  81. 81
    Amanda
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    I didn’t get a chance to read the comments yet, so I’m not sure if anyone brought this up, but did you guys notice Spencer’s chain hanging from his pants?

    That made me laugh.

  82. 82
    AC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:18 pm

    MandyMax: I will never get that argument either. People can’t accept that a “critic” might just genuinely not like what they are critiquing and it’s like, BIG DEAL! Who cares? I’m getting sick of it. Not everyone is going to love everything someone does. It’s a part of life.

    Lime: Yes, the Uncle reference was disgusting. I can’t even justify it.

    CAMI: AND IS GILMORE GIRLS SERIOUSLY GOING OFF THE AIR?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  83. 83
    urlame
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    How P*ssy of tvgasm or L-con or whoever to take out certain parts of the recap and change the caption. if u put it out there, keep it out there, and don’t hide because people can’t handle it. everyone is entitled to an opinion, and that being said, everyone is FULLY CAPABLE of clicking that neat little “x” box at the top right of your screen and making all the scary, mean, offensive things L-con wrote go away…like magic! But boo, hiss, shame on tvgasm for trying to take back what they originally said. stick with ur thoughts.

  84. 84
    Mallory
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:31 pm

    I thought this recap was great! I think LCon is doing a great job. I look forward to LB4 and another season of the Hills. Don’t you think Heidi would have to break up with Spencer after watching the show last night?

  85. 85
    AC
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    It’s been removed? WTF?

  86. 86
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    AC,

    95% sure it’s going off the air, unless Alexis Bledel, “Rory”, wants another year.

    I’ll be left with nothing

  87. 87
    memyI
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:47 pm

    L-Con, I think this is the best re-cap yet. your definatly getting up there.

    Anyone read the Us magazine link? “Heidi’s the biggest star of that show” Oook Spencer- you douchebag

  88. 88
    nate
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    Despite the fact that I LOVE it, this show continues to insult my intelligence.

    The new apartment that Spencer “bought” is located on Curson & Fountain in Hollywood, but in that scene on the patio where Spencer is pointing to all the clubs near the apt. is so wildly off.

    Les Duex is at least a mile away in the opposite direction that Spencer was pointing at, and there’s NO WAY that they have a 360 view of Hollywood from that point.

    I realize that most of this show is scripted/set-up, but to people who actually live in L.A. and know the places that the cast visit every week, it’s funny/insulting.

    Anyways, that’s my rant.

  89. 89
    D-Bag
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 2:12 pm

    computer lab’s working overtime this week.

    audrina is such a placeholder and she knows it. she’s a smart cookie, though. she’s been in several magazines via lauren and she gets to go to all these events with swag that heidi used to go to.

    and spencer, you’re a douche. that is all.

  90. 90
    HereKittyKitty
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    Good job L-Con! I love this show, and you’re doing a great job recapping it!

    I’m surprised you didn’t mention Elodie’s “life-changing” hair color job. Either Heidi is an idiot or they color hair a lot differently in LA because last I checked it wasn’t all that life changing. Cannot wait for season 3 of the Hills. Team Conrad!!!

  91. 91
    remford
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 2:17 pm

    As piss poor as the season finale was, I was hoping I could at least enjoy a few minutes of the aftershow. I tried, I really tried, but I just couldn’t get past that huge black growth on Lauren’s left shoulder. WTF kind of fashion sense was THAT? It looked like an angry sea urchin was seeking revenge and wouldn’t let go!

    As much of a Lauren sympathiser as I am, I have a feeling she’s got quite a few years of closet interning ahead of her if she wants to stay on at Teen Vogue…

  92. 92
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 3:00 pm

    Hey L-Con!

    Thanks for doing such a great job! I thought you were great, and every recap got better IMO!:-)

    You’ve always been a huge part of my enjoyment on these boards, even before you started recapping! I hope you give it another go with the next season – I’ll be here, and in your corner!

    Either way, I’ll hope you’ll be here! :)

    I was going to comment, but my heart’s really not in it with this board anymore. And as someone pointed out, rudely but accurately – I’ve already said it all before!

    Too many nasty, anonymous comments. At least own your own shit you chicken-shit, fucktards. Ciao!

  93. 93
    remford
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 3:14 pm

    I wonder if, like the “Doomsday Clock”, which depicts how closely current world events place us to the “midnight” of complete world self-annihilation, there would be any merit to a similar “Vapidity Clock” showing how many of Andy Warhol’s “15 minutes of fame” remain for each of these Surreality TV “stars”.

    It would have been nice to see J-Wahl’s tick its way into 12:01 a.m. :)

  94. 94
    Ames
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 3:52 pm

    does anyone know who made Lauren’s dress in the aftershow? or any guesses?
    :)

  95. 95
    remford
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 4:00 pm

    Yes. It’s a boutique label called “Sea Urchin”.

  96. 96
    jozeyg
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    Apparently Heidi didn’t get a boob job. She chickened out. I read in ‘In Touch’ magazine:

    “In a city full of plastic-surgery addicts, Heidi Montag is going au naturel! The Hills star visited Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Dr. Frank Ryan on March 20 to undergo a breast enlargement, which Dr. Ryan was doing for free. But after much deliberation, Heidi decided to forgo the operation and left his office! ‘She wanted to have the surgery, but didn’t think it was a good message to send to her fans”

    And this was taped for the next season of The Hills. So, no boobies and she will still be on The Hills. *groans everywhere*

    This article was also on the same page of Kristen getting Lasik eye surgery that’s also being filmed for an upcoming reality series called ‘Reality Lasik’ which debuts online on May 1. yeah, that sounds interesting.(sarcasm)

  97. 97
    jozeyg
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 4:18 pm

    oops sorry ‘Anonymous’, I didn’t read your comment!

    sorry for the repeat =)

  98. 98
    cath619
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    lol, remford.

  99. 99
    icthus
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:11 pm

    L-Con — I really enjoyed your recap. You are funny.

  100. 100
    BlondeGirl
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:40 pm

    Like, OMG! Did I just read a fairly coherent comment by NYWord?! What the hell is going on here? Is this the Twilight Zone?

    I do have one thing though, how can people be touche?

    @ cath619 (#89): I’m here. I’ve just been sucked away into the mad vortex that is spring break, the NCAA Championship, and the Masters the past two weeks. Because sadly, sports are my life. Even more so than The Hills and 24. I wish I were joking. I have yet to really watch this episode of The Hills. As for Brunette, who the hell knows what happened to her…

  101. 101
    NYWord
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 5:58 pm

    Ha ha, I love how someone had the balls to call the troll out as a therapist, and now it can’t get its kicks on this board abusing the priveleges of a psychiatric license.

    thanks for taking the “heart” out of “it” Anon.

  102. 102
    EstelleHairball
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    Hey Cami’s Boob- Thanks for the link to the article about Super Emily. I’m so thrilled to learn that her brother is attending my alma mater… NOT

    I would think that Heidi would go through with the boob job. She’s already done low budget pics for a guy’s magazine. Maybe the Spencer McToothy thinks he can get her into Playboy…

  103. 103
    D-Bag
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    still waiting for the constructive criticism. btw, “not funny,” “sucked,” “i miss b-side” don’t qualify as constructive. people are annoyed because you are annoying. you add zero humor to the comments. i find it hysterical that you accuse cheez of being repetitive. pot meet kettle.

    perhaps cheez wouldn’t have to repeat him/herself if you’d shut up, listened and learned. that is the teen vogue way of doing things.

    bot: does anyone know when hill season 3 begins. i’m already twitching from withdrawal.

  104. 104
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 7:15 pm

    My God, if Heidi is 98 pounds, what the hell does that make Whitney?

    I couldn’t believe how skinny Whitney looked on the finale after-show, especially in comparison to Lauren and Audrina. It wasn’t a good skinny either, it almost looked unhealthy. Did you guys notice that, or was it just my imagination?

    Maybe she’s become a full time model? Those girls need to be rails.

    I’m guessing season 3 will be sometime in June? That was when season 1 began, and by then, they’ll have footage of Lauren coming full circle and going to Paris haha

    I just wonder which Hills girl will make a horrendous decision, and move in with a douchebag at the end of season 3. It’s becoming a finale tradition. The next season will probably start off with Heidi bringing Spencer his dental equipment, and end with Audrina moving in with Jordan Eubanks.

  105. 105
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 8:11 pm

    The comment above was obviously me.

  106. 106
    hoshiko2004
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    Maybe I am a horrible person, but I found the recap to be hilarious. Even the Elodie stuff had SOME truth in it. She does always talk as though her script had the word “aside” in parenthesis.

    And I am thrilled that LagunaConsultant caught that Audrina is TOTALLY paranoid about Heidi returning and kicking her out. How will Audrina work as Lauren’s roommate? Everything she says sounds so incredibly scripted that I don’t think she can handle the pressure of cameras around all the damn time.

    And I agree with #137 about Spencer. He oozes mental/verbal abuser vibes. Watch out, Heidi!

  107. 107
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:21 pm

    #141 = Chee-Z.

    See it’s not that hard to own your posts!

  108. 108
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    Well, since I’m back again – I guess I’ll get the ball rolling…

    NYWeird is a freak. Since calling freaks freaks isn’t PC anymore, people like him are viewed more as “medical curiosities”, and you can find them in medical journals or the Discovery Channel. Or on the Jerry Springer show.

    Personally I think he’s one of those conjoined twins, where one has to be carted around on a barstool w/wheels. He’s the half-wit, lump of shit on the barstool.

    Anyway, RW will be fun this week because E. Colie cried. AGAIN!

  109. 109
    BayArea
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:22 pm

    I was also very concerned about out colored-hair sisters!!! get back here please.

    I dont even want to read the comments on the boards at this point. How long is the LCon debate going to go one for??? How many people have to inform us they miss BSide?? Where were you people during the 1000 comment count…those pointless comments would of fit in better there.

    Luckily, there’s still chee-z, d-bag, even AC with some others that keep me coming back.

    Anyway…IMO this was the best recap Ive read in awhile. I was cracking up!! LOVED IT!!!! Great ending LCon and soooo glad you loudly informed everyone that you’re back REGAURDLESS. The reference to the old NY trip from Laguna was classic.

    Also, did anyone notice that Whit was much slimmer on the aftershow? She looked great though.

    Im not going to say much else because I didnt finish reading everyone’s comments and I dont want to sound redundant….

    I

  110. 110
    BayArea
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:26 pm

    oh and this anonymous thing is painfully annoying!!!!

  111. 111
    BayArea
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:32 pm

    you beat me to it UglyCutie!!! I was just going to post that!! Im a perezhilton addict.

    But….OMG OMG OMG!!

    As much as I like her…I would be excited to see it. sooo sad for lauren

  112. 112
    Shia0bundan
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:39 pm

    Ohhhh sheeeit! I’d say about 95% of the bigger news Perez posts is true…

    Poooooor Lauren.

  113. 113
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:42 pm

    8-Bahl turned out to be as douchey as Spencer. He’s allegedly peddling a sex tape he made with Lauren.

    What a jerk. I feel bad for Lauren, she trusted him, and he’s betraying her in the worst way possible. She did nothing wrong or sleazy, IMO. Couples do stuff like this, it’s not porn – I hope he gets his ass reamed in jail, maybe someday we can see some tapes of that. Using personal material, against someone’s wishes, to humiliate, intimidate or terrorize them is victimization – pure and simple. It should be illegal IMO.

    Hang in there Lauren, it’ll pass. We still love you! (Except for NYWeird, and he’s circus folk, so don’t sweat it!) :-)

  114. 114
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:44 pm

    Wow, we all posted the same thing simultaneously! Pinky wish? LOL!

  115. 115
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 10:51 pm

    Thanks Ugly Cutie!

    I just got a little annoyed today, and had a temper tantrum! LOL!

    I appreciate you’re nice posts! How could I not want to hang out with you? :-)

  116. 116
    BlondeGirl
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:03 pm

    A Lauren Conrad sex tape? Whaaaa?

    I’m with Chee-Z, I hope 8-Bahl is getting reamed in jail as we speak or, er, type.

  117. 117
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:20 pm

    ..or shave off the nasty meatball he passes for a dick. LOL!

    I’ll bet when 8-Bahl has to blow his new roomie, he’ll cry like the little bitch he is. I hope he likes spooning with big, ugly stinkin’ white trash. I’m going to start calling him Bubba-Fucker! LOL!

  118. 118
    UglyCutie
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:41 pm

    Nice. But Bubba-Fucked better describes the role he’ll be playing. And once the guys in the penn see that his junk is just a neatly trimmed as his ass-face, he’ll be worth about a carton and a half of cigarrettes for sure. I hope he gets gang-raped into a comma. I wouldn’t accept anything less for this piece of dog shit.

    Seriously, the Conrad money couldn’t be better spent than to hire a couple of thugs to beat the crap outta 8-Bahl…and video tape it!! THAT’s a tape I’d buy. I’d wear that rewind button down to a piece of melted plastic.

    ~UglyCutie

  119. 119
    D-Bag
    Posted April 4, 2007 at 11:48 pm

    i dunno. we did see lauren in a white bikini during season two of lb. i don’t remember seeing anything out of the ordinary. not that i was looking or anything.

  120. 120
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:02 am

    LOL! Uglie Cutie – Me too!

    On the intimate references to Lauren’s hoo ha – Not to get too graphic here, but: Women can get engorged just like men, depending on the level of excitement, just like men. You just don’t notice it as much because you’re not looking at it through a zoom lens. Personally, I really doubt Lauren’s sporting anything out of the ordinary.

    And NOW, I’m really feeling her pain, because this has got to be the most awful kind of gossip ANY woman could deal with. Especially a 21 year old. 8-Bahl is such a fucking ass-monkey, how skeevy and pathetic can he get? His next step is blowing old men behind 3rd rate restaurants.

  121. 121
    mandabear
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 1:46 am

    SO awful.

    I’ve never had anything that bad happen to me, but one thing I’ve learned is that no matter HOW much a boy says he loves you while you’re together, the minute you’re broken up he can become a totally different person. And fuck you over big time. I’ve had my fair share of Jasons (and Spencers) and it took me a while to figure that out…

    I really hope it isn’t true though. Lauren doesn’t deserve something like that, nobody does.

  122. 122
    AC
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:10 am

    #138- Laguna, don’t get mad at me because your recaps suck and I’m not willing to kiss your ass.

    The only thing I’m guilty of is wasting time coming on here and reading your lame excuses for recaps and posting my dislike for them. I really shouldn’t waste any of my time . . .guilty of time wasting.

    And I’m sure you would get a kick out of the drama of my boyfriend getting a BJ from Jessica in the bathroom at Don Antonio’s-you can live vicariously through him because at least HE’S getting some.

  123. 123
    mandymax
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:36 am

    Re: The article on Heidi’s mom – see? Again with the “You’re all just jealous” retort. *sigh* Yes, that must be it. It’s not that Spencer is an idiot or that Heidi is becoming one via her bad choices – it’s that we’re all jealous of Heidi. Yeah. Okay. WhatEVer.

  124. 124
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:12 am

    Whoa AC, chill out. That post wasn’t an attack WHATSOEVER.

  125. 125
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:15 am

    UglyCutie, I think the Conrads should hire a sniper and finally put 8-Bahl out of his (and our collective) misery.

    Exactly how zoomed-in is said sex tape that people are commenting on Lauren’s girlie bits? And why was there no mention of 8-Bahl’s equipment?

    Women have enough to be self-conscious about already, I wasn’t aware that we also ought to be concerned with our, ah, “curtains”.

  126. 126
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:17 am

    Sorry for the double-post.

  127. 127
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:26 am

    Also, I don’t even want to acknowledge that link. Jason SUCKS.

    Wasn’t there talk on this board of Jason being “not that bad” 5 or 6 episodes ago? I hope he’s rotting in prison.

    The worst part about it is imagining Spencer’s douchebag grin when he catches wind of this. He must be loving all the chaos. Why do I have the feeling that somehow he is going to have a hand in getting this tape sold¦

  128. 128
    AC
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:29 am

    If you’re intentions were truly benign, LCon, then I’m sorry. It just seemed like a personal attack.

    I’m also sorry for sounding a bit harsh. I had a bad night/morning . . .and it’s only 9:30am!

  129. 129
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:33 am

    Hey AC!

    I think all L-Con was saying, was that even though we disagree sometimes, we still get along – and respect each other.

    Kind of like how Alex M. and Roz tried to broker a detente between their two groups? Except for NYWeird, because Weird’s kind of like Sierra Leone – NO ONE wants to go there, and NO ONE wants to own him!

    That’s how I read it, I thought it was kind of cute. :-)

  130. 130
    UglyCutie
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:45 am

    L-Con,

    I would also like to believe this is a big fat lie. After seeing it on the PerezHilton site I Googled Lauren’s name and the words “sex” and “tape” and that was the only link I found. So the jury’s still out, I guess.

    And I’m almost certain the Spencer is NOT happy as you say, L-Con. Here’s my reasoning: You see, when a person doesn’t like another person, they are happy when something as awful as a sex tape is leaked. That is a normal reaction. However,, Mr. Pratt is NOT a normal person. He is most likely pissed that 8-Bahl stole his idea and is trying to leak his video first. He’s probably at his lawyer’s office right now trying to figure out a way to sue and STILL make money off of LC.

    **Hey there, CheeZ. Nice to have you back, woman!!

    ~UglyCutie

  131. 131
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:48 am

    I know how you feel about the link, L-Con! I felt the same way.

    Then I figured it’s out, and at least those of us who like Lauren can put it in perspective and show her some support.

    I know SpenTard’s eating this up. His day will come, when HIS tape comes out and shows him to be the cum-bitch he is. You just KNOW his pimp has some video somewhere. He’ll be lucky if any LA clubs let him in just to clean the bathrooms.

  132. 132
    AC
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:48 am

    On second (or third or fourth) inspection, yes it was kind of cute. Is there any way for me to delete my previous post? I feel like an ass now. :\

  133. 133
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:50 am

    Thaks Ugly Cutie! :-)

  134. 134
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:52 am

    Don’t worry about it AC. Believe me, it was meant to be benign. Maybe you didn’t see LB2? That exact scenario was on the show. It wasn’t just something I randomly made up.

    Also, you may be right Ugly Cutie. His first reaction may be jealousy, but I just think once he accepts that he was beaten to the punch, he will revel in the fact that someone else is trying to destroy Lauren’s life.

  135. 135
    jennm
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:58 am

    Longtime reader, first time poster. This was entirely TOO good to not share:

    http://perezhilton.com/topics/exclusives/the_hills_sex_tape_scandal_20070405.php

  136. 136
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:04 am

    Oh yeah, HOW does SpenTard figure Heidi’s the biggest breakout star from the show?

    She was likeable last season, because she was a good friend to LAUREN.

    LAUREN has had enough staying power to essentially have 4 seasons of solid shows based on HER life. Now moving into the 5th season, even K-Cav didn’t have that kind of sustained interest.

    SpenTard is not obsessed with Heidi, he’s obsesseed with Lauren. If Lauren wanted that freak – he’d dump Heidi without a second thought, and never look back. Maybe she should fake it, and teach both those dip-shits a lesson.

    WHITNEY is probably being groomed to be a super-model. She has beauty, poise and elegance – Heidi comes off looking like a goofy cheerleader next to her.

    Heidi’s value as a cast-member on this show is ENTIRELY predicated on how viewer’s feel about her relationship to LAUREN. If she’s not Lauren’s sidekick, I have no interest in seeing her in the media.

  137. 137
    Lime23
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:07 am

    Don’t worry about it, AC — we all get a bit, as NYword would say, “touche” sometimes. (Apparently that’s french for “touchy.”)

    Perhaps I’m just willfully naive, but I don’t believe this rumor. I refuse to believe. Would Jason really do that? It’s not like he needs the money, and he’s too high or stoned to be doing this as part of any focused effort/scheme. Right? Does he hate LC now? Who knows. Maybe Heidi knows or suspects that a sex tape exists or existed, told Spencer, and then Spencer decided to start a rumor..

    Kind of a sordid end of the season & kind of a sordid final post. Oh well, au revoir..

  138. 138
    dmbislove
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:09 am

    I think the reason people are getting so annoyed with posters putting down the recap is the fact that this isn’t the first recap Lcon has written. Obviously you have had a few weeks to decide if you like his writing style or not, but the fact that you come back week after week to say how much it sucked is pretty pointless. Just don’t read it, it is as simple as that. You are entitled to your own opinion, but really why post that you don’t like something over and over? It just seems so silly to me.

    And just in case my name doesn’t show up this is dmbislove

  139. 139
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:41 am

    Ew, #187. Compassion is what makes us human. Spoiled brats or not, that is still someone’s child.

    Even with Britney Spears; yeah, she is a hot mess, but that is someone’s mom, and that is someone’s daughter. Anna Nicole, too. You don’t have to be fond of their actions but they’re still a person.

    Of course Lauren is privileged, but that doesn’t make it okay for someone to exploit her.

  140. 140
    CoCo
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:45 am

    Oh my gooodness, sex tapes and Super Emily living in the town that I work in! Wow, I feel close to the Hills even though I’m in Wilton…and poor Lauren and her overly large girly bits!

  141. 141
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:09 am

    Dude, sign your f*#%ing posts if you want to get into it.

    All I’m saying is that you can have compassion for someone without condoning their actions, is what I’m saying. And in that sense, I find Brit to be a good example, and not random at all.

  142. 142
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:16 am

    I find you annoying, yet I’m not trying to censor you. I’ll post what I want. BTW – I notice you’re still not signing your posts, why is that? You seem to have a lot to say, why don’t you let us all know who you are?

    I also don’t think having money, or putting yourself in front of a camera gives anyone else a license to victimize you.

    So what? Lauren has resources, maybe her parents help her out. She’s still in school, why wouldn’t they?

    What’s your problem with wealthy people? Are you a communist? She seems pretty well-grounded and hard-working to me, in spite of her wealth. It’s not easy to be in school full-time, and have an internship.

    You are obviously avoiding signing your posts. What are you afraid of? Or are you just hiding behind anonymity so you can instigate more problems here? Maybe analytic dialogue makes you uncomfortable, because you need some analysis. Attacking people anonymously is fucked up; you’re kind of like the Uni-Bomber of posting aren’t you?

  143. 143
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:17 am

    Sign me up for the bonfire…but only if Steven makes my hot dog.

    Is this whole LC sex tape on any other website…my company blocks perezhilton…for shame!

  144. 144
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:31 am

    Anonymous #196,

    Who cares how many comments BSide had? His recaps were better.

    The only reason why LCon has so many comments is because we’re all arguing so much…I don’t recall people arguing over BSides recaps.

    It’s quality, not quantity…

    Oh, but I’m still down for this Peace Bonfire.

  145. 145
    AC
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:39 am

    I hate to break it to you, but no one really ever argued over whether B-Side’s recaps were good or not from what I can remember. Most of the comments on here are about everyone’s opinion of LCon’s recaps, the occasional genealogy of Mark Antony and Cleopatra, with a little bit of debate on blow jobs. B-Side’s comments were basically strictly based on the episodes at hand, save for the 1000+ comments for “THE BEST HILLS EPISODE EVER!”

    With that said, I’m all for a little controversy stirring up things to the 300+ comment level, but don’t get it twisted. It ain’t because LCon’s the best ever. No offense, LCon.

  146. 146
    AC
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:47 am

    JB,

    You do have a point. I guess I have been placing too high of expectations from LCon. Maybe one day I will thoroughly enjoy his posts, until then I will keep giving him constructive criticism.

    He also won’t get better if people continuously tell him he’s doing an awesome job, even if they don’t agree. I’ve learned a lot from criticisms I’ve received from friends, family, teachers, professors, co-workers, etc. It’s not all coming from hate, you know.

    When people understand that, then they may grow.

  147. 147
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:52 am

    None taken. If I wrote better recaps than B-Side at this point in my career, then I would be writing movie scripts as well. For now, I’ll stick with the Hills and Laguna.

    The question now is – What show(s) to do between now and either H3 or LB4?

  148. 148
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 8:55 am

    Hmmm….

    Wow, Karl Mark huh? Well, we all know how that philosophy worked out in practice. It explains a lot about you though. Theory geeks (shaking head)….

    If having conversations OVER THE INTERNET is so inconsequential, why are you bothering?

    Anyway, you’re not Karl Mark – you’re a disenfranchised nobody. You really ARE the Uni-Bomber – now get back in your shack and start picking the lice off of yourself.

  149. 149
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 9:30 am

    I was being tongue-in-cheek.

    So was I.

  150. 150
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 9:32 am

    I don’t care if Lauren is “out.of.touch”, it’s still shitty that some jerk would try to publicize her adventures in the boudoir.

  151. 151
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 9:47 am

    I agree MissKatrina! :-)

    LOL! #208! And well stated!

    Oh well, back to writing boring press releases – TVgasm is consuming my career! LOL!

  152. 152
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 9:53 am

    Sorry to go Off Topic but 2 comments:

    Heidi’s mom says of Heidi’s recording, um, carreer (urp – just threw up in my mouth a little): “The third season is going to revolve more around that, I think”

    Oh Please Gawd, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (and by GAWD I mean you, MTV Producers)please don’t let that happen!

    And now, on to the sex tape scandal, provided its true of course.
    I gotta say, poor Spentard/Toothy McDouche/Sponge Bob Squarehead, etc….
    In the battle of the Douche Bag boyfriends/ex-boyfriends, he has just taken a distant second place to 8-bahl.

    oh and L-Con, regarding your #171 post about Jason being ‘not that bad’. K Conrad herself even tried to justify Jason & Lauren’s twisted relationship to some degree because at least he really loved her. Therefor, he wasn’t as big a dickwad as Spencer.

    Proved her wrong didn’t he!

  153. 153
    addicted076
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 10:19 am

    Oh. My. God. If the sex tape thing is true, I am appalled. APPALLED. How could someone do that to an ex? And Perez Hilton commenting on Lauren’s lady parts is so trashy (but what else can you expect from Perez?). Poor Lauren. Next time you want to spice it up, try a mirror. Cameras are bad news.

  154. 154
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 10:33 am

    #215 = Chee-Z

    Commenter, Realty TV Personality Pseudo-Analyst, and Pants Wetter. :-P

  155. 155
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 10:54 am

    Exactly 2 Old 4 This – That comment by Kathy Conrad defending Jason is exactly why we should take Heidi’s mom’s comments about Spencer with a grain of salt. They are mothers, and even if they think a guy is a complete waste of space (which I absolutely believe the Conrad’s always thought about Jason) they are not going to hang their daughters out to dry with the media.

  156. 156
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 11:26 am

    oh right, I forgot the 3rd Commandment of LB/Hills posting:
    “thou shalt not post desparaging remarks about the Conrads”

    Take it easy LCon. I was just trying to further your point in #171 by pointing out that 8-Bahl had begun to seem like a more sympathetic character by comparison even to Momma Conrad herself.

    My mother had no qualms about discussing my latest shenanigans with family and friends. I didn’t feel like I was being hung out to dry. It was part of learning that the community has eyes and ears everywhere and that there are consquences to my behavior.

    Course, it wouldn’t have been played out in the media because:

    A. my life is boring
    B. TV wasn’t inveted yet!

  157. 157
    FastBetty
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 11:35 am

    Is anyone else interested in investigating whether #203 is the real Tucker Max of misogyny fame?
    Tucker…is that really you?

  158. 158
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 11:45 am

    Don’t get me wrong.

    I do feel badly for Lauren & the impending humiliation if this rumor is true. Wouldn’t wish this kind of humiliation on my worst enemy. There are rules of engagement in the battle of the sexes and exposing a sex tape post break-up is NOT ON!

    I think his parents are the ones without skills – the kid’s just a hot mess.

    I’m glad none of my sex tapes never surfaced. Course they were hard to view before the days of TV but DAMN Abe Lincoln was good in the sack!

  159. 159
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 11:48 am

    oooh double negative

    good gramah

  160. 160
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 11:49 am

    What does the release of a private tape have to do with these kids not dealing with the consequences of their actions? She didn’t run someone over, she made a private tape!

    The Kinsey report told us long ago that there is a WIDE range of human sexual behavior, and videotaping the deed is well within that normal, healthy range. As such, it’s not a deviant thing to have made the tape, and therefore, the release of said tape is not a fitting “consequence”.

  161. 161
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    When did I say it was deviant?
    Never said there was anything inherently wrong with it.
    But make a sex tape KNOWING that you have permanently recorded a private act.
    That permanent record can be enjoyed for years. It can also be stolen, copied or used against you by the person you trust at the time of the taping.

    Those are the consequences.
    Sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad.
    But they’re always there.

  162. 162
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    I think we can file this tape scandal under the larger Consequential Umbrella of Lauren’s having fallen for a total prick.

    We should call him Shit Shoe

    cuz she tries to get rid of him and he still stinks up her life

  163. 163
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:10 pm

    Like tryin to get dog crap off your favorite sneakers

  164. 164
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    I will agree to that, 2 Old.

  165. 165
    tvismylife
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:34 pm

    I was upset that the microwave was unplugged during the kitchen scene when Heidi announced that she was moving out. I usually like to look at the time on teh microwave to track the crappy editing.

  166. 166
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    tvsimylife – that is brilliant!

  167. 167
    BayArea
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    HEY!! Im proud to be 1 of 5 or 6 that write on here. I love it. Although, that’s just not true at all.

    I have so much more to say, but I have a paper to write and don’t have time to defend myself after. Any controversial statement will have to wait.

    I will say that you almost always can trust perezhilton. Ive been reading his stuff for over a year religously…he’s RARELY wrong.

    I bet Lauren will stop the tape from coming out…her parents I bet would even pay the tape owner to give it up. This all about money, right? However, making fun of her private parts must be so humiliating for her. sad. anyone, who gets with her now will be thinking about it. Oh…obviously except for the hockey player who wasnt aware of lauren’s existence prior to their date. riiiight.

  168. 168
    BayArea
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    oh and if your work bans perezhilton you can find it at almost all other celeb gossip sites.

    evilbeetgossip.com or pinkisthenewblog.com

  169. 169
    Lime23
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    I’m glad this season is over, because I have a disease: it’s called compulsive Hills posting.

    Lauren has come out to say: THERE IS NO TAPE.

    http://usmagazine.com/lauren_conrads_sex_tape_scandal

    Again, I am willfully naive, so I believe her. I also think Spencer has something to do with this mini-scandal. Who else would be so hateful?

    (Hat tip: Red Okay — & to think I had been skipping his/her comments..)

  170. 170
    LovinLaguna
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 2:00 pm

    There may be a handful of people that post, but that’s only because they are saying what the rest of us who are only reading are thinking, so keep posting, it’s entertaining and enjoyable :)

  171. 171
    D-Bag
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    i can’t wait until next season when we’ll be graced by a second season of “duh hills” on youtube, starring spencer-doodle and brody-whore.

    sadly, i’m guessing spencer will somehow suck his way onto my tv. maybe i can place the picture-in-picture over his fat noggin.

    p.s. i’m bringing potato salad to the tvgasm funeral.

  172. 172
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 2:47 pm

    I hope your picture-in-picture is ginormous, D-Bag, because that is a lot of noggin to cover…

    (P.S. Good call on the tater salad. Who should give the eulogy?)

  173. 173
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 3:53 pm

    ….Uhhhhh, okay Weird. Whatever???

    I figured you’d be back. After you finished burying last night’s “date” in your mother’s basement.

  174. 174
    moodylupin
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    Oh God! A ThunderCats reference … I blushed.

    So, now I’m going to read the comments. i’ll be back in 4-5 hours.

  175. 175
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    Rest easy people, The Hills will be back this summer according the The Hollywood Reporter!

  176. 176
    MissKatrina
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:02 pm

    Ohhhh Heidi…”singing” career? Starting sex tape rumors? New boobies and nose?

    When should we expect the inevitable crotch shots on Perezhilton?

  177. 177
    grena
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:14 pm

    For those always complaining about how ‘bad’ LCon’s recaps are- why don’t you put up or shut up (i.e) start your own Hills/ LB recap site, and work your own magic. We’ll see how many flock to your site.

    By constantly saying the same thing (AC, and the like)- you are just attention wh*res.

    Obviously you hate the recaps or think they’re bad, and you’ve said it a thousand times- o.k- I got it, now why don’t you start writing yourself, or leave the site? Trolls.

    It’s too bad this site isn’t like ONTD, where if you post the same things like (who cares, etc) you can get banned by the mods.

  178. 178
    moodylupin
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    1. “Maybe Heidi should have told her that she was taught “soon” and “immediately” meant the same thing at the “special school.” That was funny.

    2. Spencer sayint to Heidi “you don’t trust me?” was the most ridiculous question ever asked.

    3. NY Word #82 –> Was that really you? Wow. I’m sure #132 was you, but #82 had me speechless.

    4. Lime23 #99 –> oh, i always like ýour posts. I agree with your 1st paragraph completely, even more to the first lines.

    5. Chee-Z #119 —> Girl, I feel the same way.

    Oh God, I’m tired and I’m at #190.
    I … need … to … finish.

  179. 179
    moodylupin
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:21 pm

    I cheated!!!

    #248, Hills 3 this summer!
    With Harry Potter’s Book 7, Harry Potter’s Movie 5 and MY birthday …

    I may die this year.

  180. 180
    Lime23
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    Thanks for that update #247; I don’t know if it’s true, but it’s helping to fan the flames of already wildly fervent hatred. (Why oh why didn’t someone have the good sense to just drown Spencer at birth?)

    Miss K: that’s funny, cause I was just musing on what Speidi would do next to get in the spotlight (other than *cough* releasing a recording of Heidi’s, er, musical stylings) & I thought of the exact same thing…

  181. 181
    BlondeGirl
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:26 pm

    Oi, Miss Cleo (NYWord/Weird), you do realise that you didn’t bring up your illustrious ancestry until a recap two or three weeks AFTER the 1000 comment one right? So that, in fact, was not the reason for the 1000 comments, moron. Nor was the fact that you were a complete bitch to KConrad. It got 1000 comments because it was: the. best. episode. ever.

  182. 182
    Lime23
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    Moody!! I thought we’d lost you!!

  183. 183
    BrunetteGirl
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:40 pm

    @ NYW #244 Don’t flatter yourself.Seriously.

  184. 184
    moodylupin
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    Lime23 — Well, I don’t have internet @ my apartment now and when I’m at the U and I have to “quickly” read 300 post and 245 are about people fighting … somehow I lost my posting will.

    I did read the recaps and you guys’ comments.

  185. 185
    moodylupin
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    Just a comment:

    When a think about all the thing I hate about Spencer I get overwhelmed.
    Something makes me screech of frustration quite often: He doesn’t talks in “second-person” with Heidi …

    He is talking to her(obviously about LC ’cause he can’t stop talking about her) and says stuff like “Lauren must be going crazy without Heidi. I was Lauren, I’ll be missing Heidi” or whatever. Always the same time, arggg, i hate it.

    Now, maybe is just to assure that she understands what he is saying. oh well, sorry for what was lost in translation.

  186. 186
    D-Bag
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 6:13 pm

    instead of getting implants, heidi should remove that 150 pound, bmw-driving, cheesy gold chain-wearing, cancerous tumor that’s growing out of her ass.

    she could also shave a few inches of that easter island chin of hers.

    i actually think her nose and body are fine. how crazy is her walk going to be with fake boobs. can’t hardly wait!

  187. 187
    Cami's Left Boob
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 7:28 pm

    Heidi should have had that chin chiseled down. Oh, snap!

  188. 188
    Elsie
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 9:09 pm

    i just saw that spencer has a website, which soon will be selling merchandise:

    http://www.spencerpratt.com/

    ug. i have scary visions of life-sized Spencer cardboard cutouts and other collectables…

  189. 189
    LovinLaguna
    Posted April 5, 2007 at 11:19 pm

    I was tempted to click on that link to Spencer’s website and realized DON’T DO IT! The more people that go there the more it will feed him. I’m sure he would just love getting more clicks on the site because of us.

    I for one will not add to them.

  190. 190
    southernbelle
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 8:40 am

    Oh, good gosh…I’m gone for a couple of days and so much has happened.

    There’s a Lauren Conrad sex tape, now there’s not…or is there? I’m so confused.

    Heidi got implants. No she didn’t because she didn’t want to be a bad example for her “fans.” Then she threw her judgement out the window and went through with it.

    NYWord made a half-way decent comment. Then got loopy again.

    Cheezy-T (it’s kinda like iced tea, but a little gross sounding; but you totally sound gangsta) decided to leave, but then arose from the TVgasm ASHES like the phoenix she is. Thankfully.

    Moodylupin is back! Wahoo! Your comments always have me cracking up!

    We’ve got Tucker Max and Karl Marx around? Insane!
    All we need now is a V for Vendetta guy who speaks only in constant alliteration.
    Remember, remember the 5th of November.

    Just for the record, yes, I agree that Flipit is out of this world wacky…but freaking hilarious.

    And I think the “merchandise” Spencetastic will be selling is souls. Evil, creepy-ass bastard.

    Wahoo Lady Vols.

  191. 191
    usocceri
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 11:15 am

    Anyone happen to know where abouts the apartment spencer bought for heidi is in west hollywood..

  192. 192
    jozeyg
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 11:58 am

    I agree with whoever said that Spencer wants Lauren. I’ve been thinking that for awhile now. That’s why he keeps talking about her, obsessing about her. ‘Lauren this, Lauren that…’ He wanted Lauren all along, but he couldn’t get her, so he’s upset about that(cuz Spencer gets what he wants) and can’t get her out of his head, so he’s gonna do his best to ruin her life. Yes, he’s crazy and abusive.

    And about Heidi and her new boobs. First she dosen’t want to get them because she wants to set a good example for her ‘fans’,yeah all 2 of them(herself and spence). Then she goes and does it anyway, and says, what she does with her life is her business. Sounds like words of Spencer to me. He brainwashed her to get the implants. He put the idea in her head, “Heidi can do whatever she wants to do, if Heidi wants implants, Heidi should get implants because it will make Heidi look so much hotter, and it will make Spencer happier with Heidi, so Spencer can make money off of Heidi’ That’s what pretty much he said to her too. I bet you he said those words!! I bet you!

  193. 193
    Davidscott
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 9:38 pm

    I for one, think Lauren was SO mature and was THRILLED to see Audrena as her new roomie. I think Spencer is a control-freak, and we all know where that leads…….can you say “battered woman”?

  194. 194
    flodence
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 10:25 pm

    OMG! If you go to the dickwads myspace page ( I dare you) on the homepage there is a lovely photo of him, with Heidi and Lauren – just like the three amigos they are..NOT

  195. 195
    UglyCutie
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 11:45 pm

    Curiosity got the better of me and I did go to the fuckbag’s myspace. OMG, people are fuckin’ retarded. He’s got all sorts of comments from “fans” saying things like “way to go, pimp” and “I know you’re a good person” and “keep pimpin”. Are you kidding me??!!! No wonder this twat has an ego the size of his fat head. He really believes his own bullshit and these idiots just feed into it even more.

    I think I over estimated some of the American population. Just when I think no one could be so stupid, I’m surprised. Oh, and Heidi has “team Heidi” t-shirts for sale on her myspace profile.

    I really hope that the 15 minutes of pseudo fame these two jackasses get is worth possibly ruining the life a sweet girl. I was never fully on the Conrad bandwagon, but I don’t think she deserves all this…sex tape rumors (true or not)and all.

    Hopefully Heidi’s newly acquired titties and newly sculpted schnoze will help her on her way to appearing in 150 porns a year for a grand a pop. Oohh, she can buy a new car for Spencer every year and if she hooks a couple of nights a week she could afford to pay rent in a roach infested apartment above a motel. Best of luck!

    ~Ugly Cutie

  196. 196
    moodylupin
    Posted April 6, 2007 at 11:57 pm

    Sorry, I’m #280 …

  197. 197
    moodylupin
    Posted April 7, 2007 at 12:15 am

    I just notice I wrote NMW, lol … I obviously meant NYW

  198. 198
    Davidscott
    Posted April 7, 2007 at 7:56 am

    Just read Lauren’s official denial re: said sex tape (on her web page).There was a pretty clear concise denial, (good), followed by the usual celebrity/personality, “how can you say these things about me” stuff, (bad). Sweety, if you’re gonna jump in the deep end, you’d better know how to swim. Unfortunately, it (rumors) come with the turf. Its age old, and you’re livin’ at the epicenter.(could I USE anymore cliches?!)Rise above LC…you always do.

  199. 199
    CMC
    Posted April 7, 2007 at 10:35 am

    Count me in as one who thinks that Spencer’s true “affections” are for Lauren. Whether it be that he actually likes her (as in genuine feelings), which I admit would be up for debate since most narcissists usually can’t get past loving themselves, or if he views her as a ticket to his own twisted version of “success.” He’s just way too obsessed with her and her opinion of him.

    Personally, I think it’s a little of both¦he may actually like Lauren but also sees her as some type of “Golden Ticket” to fame. He preyed on the dimwitted Heidi because he knew she was vulnerable to his sick form of brainwashing – “Princess Heidi loves Spencer and wants to go to Santa Barbara for the weekend” (paraphrasing). But even better than that, Heidi was a stepping-stone to the ultimate trump card, Lauren.

    Lauren’s nobody’s fool¦she’s demonstrated poor judgment in “Junkie Jason” (J.J.), but she can see right through Spencer’s transparent façade (think Eddie Haskell). Even worse for Spencer, he knows that Lauren is on to him and that she’s been trying to warn Heidi of his vile intentions.

    I think Spencer learned early on that any chances with Lauren were nonexistent, so the next best thing would be her clueless best friend. It’s actually kind of sad, because in some ways Heidi is very childlike and she’s unable to see the obvious when it comes to Spencer. Even when Lauren and Audrina have point-blank told her that he’s up to no good. Plus, didn’t Heidi walk in on Spencer when he was cavorting with Playboy Bunnies because he thought she was out of town?

    Spencer would be in hog heaven if Lauren were his girlfriend rather than Heidi. That’s about as likely as the proverbial snowball’s chance in hell.

  200. 200
    Beth
    Posted April 7, 2007 at 1:49 pm

    It is now just sad about Heidi. You’d think at some point she’d figure out this whole manipulation with Spencer. Now that she’s had a boob job and a nose job…it is soo sad. And her statement that she’s doing it for “her” is so lame. For awhile i thought she’s just self-centered, but now it is obvious she has no self-esteem. She was at one point a relatively nice girl…so I think we need a “SAVE HEIDI” campaign!!!

  201. 201
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 7, 2007 at 2:44 pm

    Holy shit¦ I’m watching the Masters and it goes to commercial, so I started cruising through the channels and I stumbled MTV’s “Exposed “ Celebrity Edition” and guess who the “celebrity” on the show is¦

    FUCKING JASON WAHLER

    Not to mention, his loser friend Brian is the one sitting in the van. I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned this before, but I’m not even adequately prepared to broach this subject yet. It’s just too bad he wasn’t on the other side of the fence¦

    Jillian – “Hey Jason, is that rumor about the sex tape bullshit?”
    Jason “Naaah, it’s completely true bro”
    Girl in the Van “This guy is pathological liar Jillian, run and hide”

  202. 202
    Catherine
    Posted April 8, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    Internet CLIQUES?!! What are celebs and wannabe-celebs 4 if not to make us talk and obsess about the ALOT.Dumbass. Whoever write that comment is a loser, get over urself buttmunch. Nehoo, I agree that Spencer is obsessed with Lauren but has about as much chance of getting with her as Osama does of sleeping with Bush (eww). God he’s teeth are scary (Spencer’s not Bush’s)

  203. 203
    shia0bundan
    Posted April 8, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    …I know I said in the RW thread that NYW should be ignored… but comment #243 is frickin’ HILARIOUS.

    You’ve interacted with people who have interacted with LB/Hills stars? By going to NYU? LMAO!

    You know Lo went to UC Santa Barbara for a year or two? I have so many friends there that have met her… its like, wow, maybe I have some inside dirt too!

    And I was accepted to USC, but chose not to go… have I missed my brush with fate? I could have had the inside dirt on Jenn too knowing people that know her!

    And now that Lo has transferred to UCLA… I just got admitted… maybe if I go to UCLA I will know the inner-working of these reality tv stars!

    …you crack me up NYW. We all know LB/The Hills stars are making major bank. Didn’t need to know people that know people that know people that know them to figure it out.

  204. 204
    shia0bundan
    Posted April 8, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    Hey, you posted some dumb, arrogant stuff. Unless you want people to ignore you (in which case I don’t know why you would post here), then don’t whine when I point it out.

    Wow, You’re really proud to be at NYU. And I wasn’t aware that it is a better school than UCLA, UC Berkeley, and USC, all of which I got into (hint: its not). I could’ve gotten into NYU without a sweat, so don’t act like you know anything about my academic record. Why don’t you take your head out of your ass and look up some rankings and class profiles before you go bagging on USC, which happened to be my safety school. Do a little comparison between the two. I think USC is a horrible school, which is why it was my safety, but wow, I wouldn’t even look at NYU.

    I don’t think The Hills is my life. I didn’t even like the show until mid-this season. I think the one who doesn’t have a life is the girl that has to mention that she knows people that knows people that know LB/THe Hills castmembers.

  205. 205
    shia0bundan
    Posted April 8, 2007 at 5:48 pm

    By the way. I’m not checking in on this thread anymore. Thank god The Hills is over so that’s one less show that we both watch/read.

    Final word: Before you go accusing others of social problems, lets remember that you, in your own words, consider random people on the internet bashing your idiocy to be “attention.” I guess some people will take it anyway they can get it!

  206. 206
    UglyCutie
    Posted April 8, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    I can’t believe this is it. The Hills is over and I guess so is this thread. Too bad. The sex tape debacle just got started. All the accusations and denials flying around…oh, well.

    Oh, I just read the inverview with LC in Us Weekly where she says that when she saw how Heidi was actually involved with the Jen/Brody hook-up (after Heidi said it was all Jen) she was so mad she was shaking. Good stuff. She also said that she’s never met anyone who’s had anything nice to say about Spencer even before they were on TV. The interview goes on to answer some other things that were asked in these boards. *Sigh* Well, see you guys on the other boards or until the next season of LB or The Hills.

    ~UglyCutie, signing off.

  207. 207
    missrhodeisland
    Posted April 9, 2007 at 12:18 pm

    This “Laguna Consultant” jackass is really a shitty re-capper. Ever since this queen took over there hasn’t been a good “Hills” recap. You suck, Laguna Consultant! You write like you’re a 12 year old fat girl trapped in a boy’s body. Do TVGasm readers a favor and go huff a tailpipe. LOL!

  208. 208
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 9, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    Wow L-Con!

    300 comments is NOT TOO shabby! Here it is 4:30 in the afternoon and I’m just sitting here thinkiing about what I’m going to watch tonight!

    Good God, I might actually read a book!

    It’s been a great run, can’t wait to see you for the next season – but I hope you’ll find another recap in the meantime!

  209. 209
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 9, 2007 at 1:42 pm

    300!!!!!!!

    So, I cheated a little – Boooo Yahhhhh!!!!!!!

    LOL! :-)

  210. 210
    Beth
    Posted April 9, 2007 at 5:50 pm

    Poor Jason is busted again!!!

  211. 211
    UglyCutie
    Posted April 9, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    Okay, so I said I was signing off, but I’m a friggin liar. Sue me!

    I just had to write about the nasty things that some people are saying about Laguna Consultant’s recaps. I’m not going to attack anyone or anyone’s opinion. I just wanted to let Laguna Consultant know that I, for one, enjoyed his recaps. Although our love for all the Conrads differ (I can’t stand Breanna)I think he makes these recaps fun. Since he’s a long-time viewer and poster he can touch on the topics that those of us who’ve watched with him want to read about.

    Well done Mr. Consultant! I know that you’ll only get better and better.

    And as for those who claim to offer constructive critizism…well, contructive means you don’t just complain about the recaps, you also suggest a way to make it better. So, if you don’t like something, just make a suggestion. Remember that B-Side is agonners. He was the awesomest but it was damn brave of Laguna Consultant to take the reigns.

    LCon, does your ass hurt yet? My nose is so brown it’ll take skin bleaching to get it back to normal.

    CheeZ was right, 300 is not too shabby. Ignore the fact that it was mostly bickering with NYword. Hey, in a way NYword really helped to contribute to the comment count that the powers that be will beg for your return next season.

    ~UglyCutie

  212. 212
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted April 10, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    Right on, UglyCutie!

    LOL!

  213. 213
    FastBetty
    Posted April 10, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    Oh, for goodness’ sake, NYWord! I have tried to ignore your more incendiary comments and to empathize with the fact that you felt attacked by this community, but using this forum as a sounding board to spout inaccurate and uninformed data for a self-promoting agenda is just too much!
    Harvard is simply not a misogynistic institution; the current president is a woman, and the undergrad student body has a fairly even male to female ratio. The former president to whom you referred in post #307, Larry Summers, suggested that there may be innate differences between men and women, and requested more research be done on this. This suggestion led to his eventual dismissal. Hardly the makings of misogyny in ivy-league academia.

    NYU is a fine school, but don’t worry about it so much. You’ll find that when it’s time to graduate, what you did in school will matter more than where you attended.

    Excellent run, LagunaConsultant!

  214. 214
    gaby espinosa
    Posted April 10, 2007 at 5:52 pm

    you guys need to stop talking bad about my man spenc!! you ugly cutie need to shut your pinehole b/c you HAVE no idea who you are talking to!!! BITCHES

  215. 215
    UglyCutie
    Posted April 11, 2007 at 3:03 am

    gaby,

    I will shut my “pinehole”…as soon as I find out what that means. I haven’t even said anything THAT bad about Spence to merit an attack. (hehe..when posters attack)

    So, that being said…Spencer Pratt is such a piece of shit that everytime he reads or hears him name ANYWHERE, bad or good, his herpes infested asshole puckers and throbs.

    Okay, now I will shut the pinehole for good because, really, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Although I may have an idea…I still have no idea.

    ~UglyCutie

  216. 216
    NeutronDance
    Posted April 11, 2007 at 9:15 am

    LagunaConsultant, your recaps are fantastic, and oh I shall miss your sardonic wit. Nearly as much, I shall hunger for LC gossip throughout the off-season… PLEASE let Lisa Love be at the end of the long road!

    New LB4 cast? WOW. Good. This cast was as interesting as watching your Master undergo acrylics applications.

  217. 217
    NeutronDance
    Posted April 11, 2007 at 9:17 am

    PS – Spencer is absolutely a cokewhore.

  218. 218
    Lurker
    Posted April 11, 2007 at 10:22 am

    From Go Fug Yourself:

    I am starting to feel bad for Kim Stewart, and here’s why: now that we’ve all been inundated with PR for her brother’s new reality show Sons of Hollywood, it is clear that she’s been saddled with a sibling who, by all press accounts, is kind of a total douchebag in the way now apparently favored by men 21-28 who appear on Hollywood-centric reality programming (see Mister Arrest-y, Jason Wahler and, of course, Spencer of The Hills, who may be the most loathsome person in the 310 area code, a feat which takes some doing. I can’t get into his crimes against humanity right now, because rage is bad for the complexion, but suffice it to say, if he were to wake up under the wheels of a speeding MTA bus, everyone who’s ever watched The Hills would put down their Lean Pockets and applaud). This kind of behavior, parenthetically, is not doing mankind any favors, and by “mankind” I don’t mean “humanity,” I mean “dudes.” Because watching Spencer’s manipulative shenanigans (like, say, having two cells phones, only one of which his girlfriend is aware of) is not making America’s young women sit up and say, “I have GOT to get me one of them,” it is making them say, “Hmm. I don’t know if I want to date anyone right now. ” Ergo, I am pretty sure that when society eventually dies out and the human race is extinct, we would be able to trace its destruction back to Spencer except for how, unfortunately, we’ll all be dead.

  219. 219
    Casedilla
    Posted April 11, 2007 at 8:29 pm

    Gawker has an amusing take on the US Weekly story on Lauren’s sex tape scandal:

    http://gawker.com/news/the-hills/the-lauren-conrad-sex-tape-and-us-weekly-251533.php

  220. 220
    LagunaConsultant
    Posted April 12, 2007 at 11:17 am

    Thanks for all the nice words guys.

    Don’t worry, having 6 people hate my writing is not going to prevent me from doing the LB4 and the H3 recaps. Also, I should be popping up before that with another recap, so to those 6, be prepared to be pissed off, because I’m not going anywhere.

  221. 221
    UglyCutie
    Posted April 12, 2007 at 9:13 pm

    WoooHooo, LCon! Don’t let those disgruntled posters get you down.

    Just read the interview with Speidi. YAWN. They just talk about their future plans…Heidi talks about working with David Foster. In case we didn’t catch it the first time, she repeats his name like 15 times. Loser. Then Spencer goes on talking about himself in third person, AGAIN! He acutally said he wants to take over the world. Get over yourself, fuckbag. You’re the boyfriend of the friend of the main character of a reality show. Nice. That’ll read well on your resume. Idiot.

    What I got from it is that both of them WILL appear in the next season. Lame. I hope that MTV gives their audience what they want and throws in a new character to mess with Spencer. I would LOVE that! A guy, maybe. Someone who tries to steal Heidi away…or some girl who lures Spencer with promises of fame and fortune who plays his ass making him a bigger laughing stock. Oh, I dream.

    Call me MTV…UglyCutie has many ideas that UglyCutie could give you. Then you would owe a great deal of gratitude to UglyCutie.

    Wow. Speaking in third person really made me feel important and a little dirty. I liked it. Now, I understand Spencer…I mean, now UglyCutie undertands Spencer.

    Spencer you ass-monkey. Stay home and stay off my TV, the internet, magazines, and basically, just out of life itself.

    That is all.

    ~UglyCutie

  222. 222
    Villain
    Posted April 13, 2007 at 10:44 am

    Haha! Your commentary is hysterical. Keep up the good work.

  223. 223
    Amanda
    Posted May 4, 2007 at 10:28 am

    So.. did anyone else hear that Spencer’s got AIDS? I read it on an imdb message board, and the person who posted it said they read it on people.com.

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