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Thursday, June 29, 2006
1:45 pm
58 Comments
The best part about Wednesdays? Not only is it hump day, it’s Hills day. It’s the day of the week where we can come home and relax for half an hour while we watch the gaggle of idiots led by Jason and Heidi galavant around Hollywood, blithely making fools of themselves for our entertainment. Such was the case tonight when the gang went out to celebrate J-Wahl’s big birthday. Yes, he was turning the ripe old age of nineteen, and if that still sounds young to you, keep in mind that he did wear a blazer to the celebration. That means he’s all growns up. Congratulations, Jason. If you were living in Quebec, you’d be able to drink legally by now.
Indeed, there was plenty of Jason on tonight’s show — so much so that even Heidi was looking like she might have more brain cells than we ever thought imaginable. Also boosting Heidi’s IQ was the introduction of Dan the Model, a man who never saw a salad he didn’t want to party with. That’s the thing about Los Angeles. As long as you surround yourself with dumb people, you’ll always shine. How do you think Heidi got that job at Bolthouse anyway?This week’s show started off with LC explaining how she had recently gotten back together with Jason. When last we had seen them, they were sharing a benign goodnight kiss, but now they had full-on resumed the romance. Not only that, but LC explained that Jason had now become fast friends with Heidi’s main squeeze, Jordan. These guys really don’t waste any time climbing the social ladder, do they?
Anyway, we then found LC and Heidi roaming around a golf store, trying to find some clubs for Jason’s upcoming birthday. Needless to say, the two girls were completely lost. “Calloway has to be good ’cause it’s like everywhere,” Heidi suggested. By that rationale, Heidi probably thinks Sizzler is a four-star restaurant. That would explain why she always gets into a ball gown every time she eats there.
Okay, okay. I kid. I’m sure Heidi’s never even set foot in a Sizzler before. She’s more of a Denny’s girl, if you think about it. Oh, and for the record, according to J-Unit, Calloway actually is a very good brand; so in this case, Heidi’s endorsement actually might be worth considering.
Nevertheless, the girls roamed around the irons and woods, eventually cooing over some clubs whose color schemes were quite pleasing. “These ones are pretty!” LC said.
“Those ones are really pretty!” Heidi confirmed. Let it be known: J-Wahl will have the prettiest clubs on the golf course. I just hope he doesn’t mind the pink ribbons and glitter on the handles.
We then learned that for Jason’s birthday, the whole gang would be enjoying sushi at Blowfish, a local restaurant located on the western-most block of the Sunset Strip. Prior to dinner, however, Jason would be golfing with some of his buddies (read: Lauren’s friends that he’s glommed onto to ensure further screen time and vice versa); so the big plan was to hide the clubs in the trunk of a car and then Surprise! New golf clubs! Sounded like a perfect idea. Couldn’t wait for it to all go wrong.
Anyway, as much fun as the girls were having browsing around without a clue, Heidi finally suggested something that I’ve been recommending for a few weeks now: “Maybe we should get help.” I wholeheartedly agree. And I don’t mean “help” like a maid. Oh wait, Heidi was talking about help with the golf clubs? Eh. I guess we weren’t on the same wavelength after all.
We then saw the opening credits and learned this episode’s title: “Jason’s Birthday.” Ah, very creative. Might I also suggest, “Episode 5″ or “TV show” or “Stuff”? Nevertheless, we soon found ourselves at the Teen Vogue offices where Wh-wh-wh-Whitney had a very insightful observation about jeans and consumer habits:
“Jeans can be really addicting. There’s like always new ones, and you feel like you have to have them!” she said with a goofy grin. Well observed, Whitney. Well observed. Next week, we get to hear her thoughts on glue. “Glue is really bizarre. It like sticks to things and just doesn’t let go!”
As fascinating as this roundtable discussion about jeans was, LC interrupted it to reveal that Jason’s birthday was coming up on Wednesday. How wonderful. But what was even more wonderful was the return appearance of Lisa Love, who strode into the office wearing some sort of pseudo-Madras patterned coat. I tried to do the magic-eye thing on it, but all that happened was I wound up dizzy and with a headache.
We didn’t know what Lisa Love wanted, nor did we know why she had deigned to trek down the hallway to the intern sweatshop / closet. I suspected she’d ask Lauren to fetch some sunglasses she had left behind in a Manhattan hotel room, but instead, L. Love wanted to introduce the girls to Gloria, the fashion director of the magazine. Gloria was an interesting woman. She looked sort of like a long lost Navajo woman dressed in some neo-Madeline schoolgirl outfit. Anyway, she was there to alert the girls that there would be a big fashion shoot on Wednesday. You know, the same day as Jason’s birthday. Whitney would be stuck in class all day (and by “all day,” I mean she had one class at noon), which meant LC would have to come in and work as an assistant on the shoot. It was a great opportunity, but hello?? J-Wahl’s birthday! The most important day of the year!! This was like the High Holidays for hipsters and hangers-on throughout Los Angeles. Lisa Love just didn’t understand, but maybe that’s because she was taking such sadistic joy out of having a new sidekick to stare haughtily at girls with.
Try not to hide your displeasure, Lisa Love.
Anyway, Gloria and Lisa informed LC that she would be doing essentially everything on the shoot. “We’re counting on you to really let it run smoothly,” Gloria added. Since when do interns get this much responsibility? Doesn’t Teen Vogue have an assistants? What about Blaine? He was probably busy interviewing with Glamour (in case you didn’t hear, he just landed a new job as the West Coast editor. It was in Page Six. I guess he won’t be around for season two).
LC should have been psyched for this opportunity, but truthfully, she was absolutely crestfallen. She had already planned Jason’s whole celebration. Now what was she going to do? To think she actually had to work on someone’s birthday. What’s next? No time off for Arbor Day? Seriously, Teen Vogue was shaping up to be a real ACLU nightmare.
That night, we found Heidi and Audrina in the pool talking about, you guessed it, boys. Apparently Audrina had a date coming up with a male model named Dan. But what about Brian, you ask? Last we saw, he and Audrina seemed well on their way to hooking up, especially after they discreetly stepped into her apartment and shut the door behind them, leaving the camera crew out in the hallway. Well, apparently the sparks didn’t really fly that night. “We just hung out,” Audrina said. “We never took it to the next level.” The next level? She wasn’t talking about anal, was she? Actually, it was probably her euphemistic way of saying, “I think he was gay.” Either that or “I accidentally threw up on his lap, and we haven’t talked since.”
Nevertheless, Heidi began laughing about Audrina “not taking it to the next level” with Brian and wondered if Dan would be able to fare better. “You deserve a really good guy,” Heidi then said. Why exactly did Audrina deserve a really good guy? Not sure. It was just empty HeidiSpeak. The girls also talked about giving each other a “signal” during the Dan date. Heidi would call up and provide an out for Audrina if necessary. Sounded like a plan. I just hoped the out wasn’t something like “Hey Audrina. Come to my office right now and tell my boss that I want to quit.”
Back in the apartment, Lauren was wasting time doing something when the front door opened and in walked Jason. Talk about a fast-moving reunion. Last week he was groveling for her forgiveness. This week he had a key to her apartment. By the next episode, she’ll have three children running around and curlers in her hair.
Anyway, Jason sat down next to Lauren, and we were able to see his ever-changing appearance. I noticed that his hair had become puffy and flat-ironed, the first signs of Cabrerasizing (that is, making one’s hair look like Ryan Cabrera’s). I also saw that Jason’s title had officially upgraded from “ex-boyfriend” to “Lauren’s boyfriend.” I guess that means it’s time for him to start treating her like shit. Sure enough, when he found out that Lauren would be stuck at a photo shoot, he began laying on the guilt.
“So you have to work. On my birthday,” he said disappointedly. What’s up with everyone in LC’s life being unrealistically needy? People have jobs and responsibilities. Stop acting like showing up to work is some crazy form of deviant behavior. You know, one day Jason will discover that he too might have to work on his very own birthday. Crazy, right?
Well, LC did feel bad about having to skip out, and she told her boy, “I wanted to spend your birthday with you.” Jason’s response? A quiet mumble. Some things never change. By the way, I loved how these two were acting as if hanging out in the evening was not even an option. It was like LC had to be available to Jason from dawn until midnight, or else the birthday celebration would be ruined.
Anyway, we then saw an enticing shot of a random water fountain, and then it was off to Audrina’s apartment where Dan the Model had arrived for the date. “Fancy seeing you again,” he told her, and off the bat, we knew that he sucked. Plus, he had annoying Goo-Goo Dolls hair; so he just had to be worthless.
As the two walked out to his car, Dan commented awkwardly on how wonderful the weather was. He then asked Audrina if she had been outside that day, and when she said that she had during her lunch break, Dan let out a small chuckle and said, “Oh, that’s right. I apologize. You work.” There goes another person saying the “W” word. Don’t they know that work is verboten on The Hills? Yes, teenagers of America. No one needs a job in Hollywood! Or an education! Just come to Hollywood and hang out! It’ll be just like The Hills (except you might wind up living on the streets with a nasty drug habit).
In the car, Aurdina tried to spark some small talk, but it was pretty much a massive failure. “So what beach did you go to?” she asked.
“Today? [awkward pause] I live at the beach!” Dan replied, as if she was totally loco for even asking in the first place.
“Oh,” said Audrina, clearly not caring anymore.
“Wait, did I say I was going to the beach?” Dan then asked, adding, “I must have lied!” Anyone else’s feet cold? Because Dan has charmed the socks off me! That thumping noise you hear? It’s the sound of all the hearts in America going “Pitter-pat. Pitter pat.”
Anyway, the two drove off to Los Angeles Mexican food institution, El Coyote. Two funny stories about that place: the first time I went there, I saw Kathy Bates chowing down on a burrito. That’s pretty much the story. Not much arc, but the image will be seared into my head forever. The second story is that when I went to El Coyote a month ago, I had to valet the car, and when I handed my keys over, I gave the valet such a static shock that he actually jumped back and said, “Dayummmmm!!!” He then gave me this wounded, betrayed look, almost as if I had violated some ancient, sacred oath — one that promised that valets and customers would stand side by side and never, ever shock each other with static electricity.
Okay, now that I’ve veered completely off-topic, let’s get back to the date, or as I like to call it, the total disaster. Yes, I should have known Kathy Bates and static electricity would foreshadow such a terrible social outing. It wasn’t that the two were fighting or sharing awkward moments. It was more like Dan was a complete and total idiot. At one point, he even said, “I’m going to check my machine, if you don’t mind.” Classy. At the very least, pretend like you have to go to the bathroom. Anyway, right there at the table, while he was on an alleged date, Dan whipped out his cell phone and checked his messages. Note that this was on the heels of some dumb story about his friend getting fake boobs and then showing them to all the guys when she was drunk.
Well, Dan was on his cell for quite a while, prompting Audrina to politely ask, “Have a lot of messages?” Dan simply rolled his eyes empathetically and said, “My agent.” Oh how I hoped a waiter would accidentally drop a burning hot dish of fajitas on his head.
Later, as the two were eating their food, Heidi called Audrina up provide an out if necessary. “If he’s really cute and sweet then tell me that the food is great,” Heid said. Personally, I would have gone with the “If he’s really cute and sweet, then tell me that Kathy Bates is eating a burrito at the next table.” Nevertheless, Heidi then asked how the food was, and Audrina replied… “It’s a little greasy.” Oh snap! You just got dissed, Dan, and you didn’t even know it! Of course, he didn’t realize because he was too busy admiring the mixed greens in front of him.
“This salad’s like a party,” he said, thus providing my favorite quote of the week. After a line like that, it didn’t take long to realize that we probably wouldn’t be seeing him again.
And we’re all invited!
Later that night, Jason, LC, Jordan, and Heidi all congregated at a restaurant named Bella. Brian joined them too, but before he arrived at the table, everyone talked about how they shouldn’t mention Audrina’s date in front of him. Don’t want to make him feel bad about not being able to take Audrina “to the next level.”
Well, Brian sat down at the table, and sarcastically joked, “Thanks for saving me bread!”
Heidi jokingly shot back, “But look! We did save you oil and vinegar,” and for whatever reason, this caused Jason to double over with laughter. Yes, nothing tickles the funny bone like some good old fashioned oil and vinegar comedy. Ever heard Dane Cook’s bit about balsamic? Oh, it’s classic!
A little bit later, Audrina arrived, prompting Heidi to ask, “Are you alone?” Audrina said yes, and then about two seconds later, Heidi asked, “Are you going to see him again?” SHHH!! Ix-nay on the ate-day in ont-fray of ian-Bray…
Well, thanks to Heidi and her inability to keep quiet about the NotDate, the entire table began asking Audrina questions about Dan, clearly making Brian uncomfortable. But since we don’t really care about Brian, this was just more fun for us, and ultimately, the scene ended with the gang toasting to Jason’s birthday. Yay!
We then went to commercial, and when we returned, it was Wednesday, the day when the Wahlers birthed their furry little son, Jason. It also happened to be the day of the big Teen Vogue shoot. LC showed up and met Jane, a fashion editor who seemed about as exciting as her name. She instantly put her new intern to work. First LC had to line up shoes. Then sneakers. And then she had to organize them by category. Did Jane have no mercy? All this shoe preparation was nearly as rigorous as Heidi’s perpetual tuna sandwich gathering for Brent Bolthouse. It’s a rough industry, people. Even worse, once LC was done arranging the footwear, she then had to steam a skirt. Oh, the brutality! This was like the inverted 8th and Ocean. How the other half lives!
Later in the day, Blaine surfaced and began asking LC all sorts of questions about Jason and the golf clubs and the birthday celebration. Why he cared so much was beyond me. Maybe he was just trying to fish for gossip that he could share with Lisa Love. After all, now that Gloria had moved in, Blaine needed something to win back Lisa’s good graces. He’s the number one sidekick, dammit. Gloria better respect!
We then headed out to a golf course where Jason and Jordan were about to hit the links. They piled out of an SUV, and Jordan suggested that Jason pull something out of the trunk. Jason did this and soon discovered a brand new set of clubs, courtesy of LC. Of course, he didn’t realize his girlfriend was behind this present, and instead, Jason asked Jordan, “Whaaat? Is this from you?” I suppose he was so used to receiving lavish gifts from his old sidekick Cedric that he just assumed Jordan would be delivering similar offerings. Anyway, Jordan informed him that the clubs were in fact from Lauren, causing Brian to remark, “She couldn’t have gotten them at a better time.” Yes, Brian. That’s the magic of birthday presents. They arrive on your birthday. It wasn’t a coincidence.
Jason then called up LC to thank her, and I was shocked that a) he was so appreciative, and b) he didn’t express his gratitude with a series of low murmurs. He actually seemed animated and happy. This made Lauren very happy, but her emotions soon turned to anxiety as the clock ticked away at the photo shoot. Soon it was 4:30 PM, and there seemed to be no end in sight to this day. LC then began complaining to a random model about her situation, saying, “It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today, and I’m missing it, and I’m so sad.” Oh, I could understand her plight. I mean, it was already nearly 4:45 PM. At that point, the day was practically shot! There’d be no time to celebrate now! Everything would be ruined!
We then cut back to the guys golfing — or attempting to golf. Ah, fun times on J-Wahl’s birthday. Then it was back to the shoot where LC was preparing for a DHL pick-up in case the shoot went longer than 6 PM. Uh-oh! There was a chance LC would have to stay later than 6? Have these people even heard of labor laws? This was an outrage!
Finally, at 6:25 PM, Jane told LC that there was only one more shot left, and it was at the beach. Lauren didn’t have to go along, but if she were smart, she would have. Unfortunately, LC wasn’t that smart. I mean, she’s a hell of a lot brighter than her friends, but when it comes to all things J-Wahl, she makes Heidi look like Ken Jennings. As a result, LC backed out of the beach shoot, saying that she had plans already. Now here’s the thing: she could have simply said she really wanted to go to the beach shoot but unfortunately had prior obligations and conflicts or whatever. That way, she could have kept up good relations with Jane. But instead, LC shrugged sheepishly and said, “Sorry, it’s my boyfriend’s birthday party.” Ouch. Wrong answer. Lauren then waltzed out to her car, with Jane staring disapprovingly back at her. Lisa Love would NOT be happy about this. The good news for LC though was that she was finally free at last to spend time with Jason — because they clearly don’t get to spend enough time together as it is. The bad news was that LC then got stuck in horrendous traffic. Was Lauren ever going to be reunited with her fuzzy boyfriend???
The dilemma soon resolved itself as we found LC and Jason together after the commercial break. They hopped into an SUV in her garage and drove off to dinner. You’d think they’d be so happy to be reunited, but the pre-dinner conversation in the car was a bit, well, frosty. “Do you just want to go home after dinner?” Jason asked LC. I thought that was his way of soliciting sex from her, but apparently, he really was asking/suggesting that she just go home after dinner. Sort of harsh. He then followed up by saying, “Well, if you want to go home, you can take my car.” Translation: I kind of want to cheat on you tonight (mumble mumble).
LC then asked Jason where he was going after dinner, and instead of responding, “I want to do whatever you’re doing,” he said, “I don’t know. I’m just seeing how I feel.” Ouch. Failed the test. You know, he should really be groveling to LC. This is her show, after all.
We now pause for some Hills geographical scandal.
Okay, I’m about to get all Internet geeky on this show. One of the cool benefits of living in Los Angeles is tearing down the web of LIES The Hills perpetuates. The biggest lie, of course, is that The Hills actually takes place in The Hills. The show claims that LC lives in the Hillside Villas on Sunset Plaza Drive, but that pool they’re always swimming in is pure Palazzo — a.k.a. a complex on 3rd Street (which is most certainly not The Hills). Further proving this point is the bizarre route Jason and LC took to get to the birthday party in this episode. They allegedly started off at the Hillside Villas but then, we could clearly see them driving on Melrose Avenue, and later, we could see the West Hollywood Gateway complex in Jason’s window, indicating that they were heading northbound on La Brea! For those of you who don’t live in Los Angeles, click here to see what their route looked like to get to the restaurant.
Now, why would LC and Jason drive all around town when the restaurant was just down the street from her alleged apartment? Scandal is in the air people! Feel free to submit your theories and scenarios!
Anyway, back to the story…
The kids all arrived at the restaurant, Blowfish, where they enjoyed some sushi and the company of random older people who were clearly too pathetic to find friends in their own peer group. Please shoot me if I’m thirty-five and hanging out with nineteen year olds. At one point, our old friend Brian stood up to deliver a toast. He attempted to get everyone’s attention by clinking his glass with a chopstick, but when he didn’t achieve the perfect sound, he remarked, “Doesn’t really work good with a wooden stick.” Chopstick. It’s called a chopstick. He then added, “Me Brian. Me no good at using wooden stick on clear water-holding things.” Okay, he didn’t say that, but he did deliver a lame speech about how he’d been in Los Angeles for five months and blah blah blah. It was a pretty boring toast, which goes to show that Audrina’s not the only thing he’s incapable of taking to the next level. I then started to think about Brian and how he’d only been in Los Angeles for less than a year, and yet already he was on a reality show and had been seen with Paris Hilton. Either he was lying about his tenure in Los Angeles, or he’s just a really proficient social climber. Probably a mixture of both.
Anyway, after the toast, Audrina regaled Brian with stories about how she used to work at Hooters (shocker!), and Jason, meanwhile, disappeared from LC’s side. When someone asked where he went, some guy joked that Jason was so over LC now. This prompted Heidi to snap, “That is a really mean thing to say!” It was a joke, Heidi. Relax. But seriously, he really was over her.
Jason did return from wherever he had disappeared to (probably the bathroom to stare at those gnarly automatic faucets again), but instead of sitting by Lauren’s side, he instead went to another end of the long table to chat with some other guests. Normally, I’d say he was just working the room as a good host should, but knowing Jason, he was probably lining up his extra-curricular girlfriends for the evening. Besides, after all the guilt Jason had put on Lauren for not being able to spend the entire day with him, you’d think he’d want to spend more than thirty seconds by her side. Nevertheless, he told a bunch of people about a cool club he was going to later that night — a club that he conveniently didn’t tell LC about. Oh, he’s a low-down dirty dawg!
Certainly not happy by the lack of attention, LC shot Jason a look, and he humbly returned to his lovah, saying, “I’m trying to be friendly.” Yeah, well, be friendly on your own reality show. No woman deserves to be stuck alone with Heidi and Audrina nattering away in her ear.
Jason soon retreated to the other end of the table again, and as LC sat discontented and alone, a random old dude asked her if she was fighting with the birthday boy. Lauren brushed off the question, saying she was just sitting there and smiling. She wasn’t going to fight with him on his birthday. Translation: I’m going to fight with him on his birthday.
LC then said, “He can’t treat me like shit and expect me to be sweet to him, you know?” But seriously, no fighting on the birthday.
After dinner, LC decided to exercise her passive-aggressive right to be angry by telling Jason she wasn’t going out with everyone. She was just gonna go home.
“Why are you mad at me, Lauren?” he asked. Again, she said she wasn’t going to fight with him on his birthday… and then added, “I rushed home for your birthday. Put yourself in my situation.” Unfortunately, the demands of thinking about anyone but himself nearly exploded poor Jason’s brain. He merely stared blankly and walked away (I’m sure there was some dialogue conveniently left on the editing room floor), leaving LC to stand by the valet with random bags in her arms. Normally, I’d feel bad for LC, but a) she had to realize that as slimy and immature as he is, this was Jason’s day, not hers, and b) that’s what happens when you let someone like Jason back into your life.
“What is this concept, ‘putting myself in your shoes’? I can’t fit in high heels!”
What did you think about this episode? Was LC being crabby? Was Jason being a dick? Or were they all being very, very silly?
TV Social
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58 Comments
Ok, I haven’t even read the recap yet (I know it will be excellent B-Side) BUT Heidi said “vicariously” and she said it correctly! OMG, how long did she have to practice? Now I’ll go read the recap and hope that B-Side picked up on that too.
Nice recap, B-side(except it’s Callaway). I think you’re wrong about the automatic faucets; if you ask me, Jason kept disappearing to do a little Birthday blow.
Lauren was a little crabby, but come on. She had to work on a WEDNESDAY, people. The horror!
I may be stating the obvious, but am I the only one who thinks that loser Jason is a raging coke head? Maybe it’s so openly accepted in LA that it needs not be discussed; but, I’m kinda surprised that no one has said anything about it. I mean the signs are all there…
the extreme mood swings
disappearing from the table for no real reason
the creepy older friend who is most likely his dealer
oh, and the disheveled appearance. Nah, that’s not due to a drug habit. That’s due to his awesomeness!
But, seriously, am I the only one?
There was a bad case of the dumb going around on this episode. Jason was dumb for guilting LC, LC was dumb for getting cranky, and Heidi was dumb for…well, existing, I guess.
It was shady that Jason didn’t want to include LC in his after-dinner plans. He could have at least schemed some b-day nookie from her.
Oh, never mind. Apparently elljay8, you were onto the same thing. sniff.
Oh, please. Raise your hand if you do NOT think Jason is a coke head. He was high a good part of the last Guna season, too.
We all know the story of the good girl with the bad boy and that if we would just see him like she does, we would realize that he has a heart of gold. But I can find NOTHING redeeming about Jason. Not kind. Not smart. Not funny. No job. No volunteer work (there’s an alien thought for that creep). Mooches off the ‘rents (with a new Range Rover to boot). Not cute with all that neanderthal hair. Rude. Oh, for pete sake, I could go on and on.
I think MTV may have misfired on the Jason thing. They could manage it if the guy DID have some special quality, but he DOES NOT. We all just hate him and I think after a while it will become more than just annoying, it will be totally lame.
Could it be Lauren has been going to the Britney Spears School of Man Choosing?
Jason’s totally a cokehead- either that or he drank 14 gallons of water before dinner, judging by the amount of times he got up.
And aren’t these kids supposed to be 19 or so? There was a lot of drinking going on at that table. I drank when I was underage too, I just didn’t have a freakin’ camera crew following me. I wonder if the restaurant will get in trouble.
Pamsey, I was similarly impressed by Heidi’s rich vocabulary! Or something. Yeah, “vicariously” isn’t that big or obscure of a word, but for Heidi, this is a HUGE deal, people.
So is this Asshole Week on MTV or what? First Wes, then Tyler, now Jason… three nights of magic in a row! I just hope you all feel as blessed as I do.
Heidi is a Denny’s Grand Slam kinda gal…”It’s my dream food.”
I so wish LC had gotten Ja-sonofabitch the Swarovski crystal encrusted clubs. And then stuck the 9 iron up his butt. Why does he want LC as a girlfriend when he clearly has no clue on how to be a boyfriend?!
Dump him and don’t look back LC.
hb
My guess would be Jason wants LC as a girlfriend because she has a tv show and he’s under the impression that he is good looking and talented and could have a career in show biz. He’s just as delusional as everyone else on this show. Or any other show on MTV for that matter.
Nice recap/episode. Jason is…. slow. Ohh Wahh LC had to work on your birthday at least she came! Yet he seemed slower than usaul. He must miss Cedric. That whole episode I was expecting to see a cake and Cedric to pop out and do an encore to his eeerie fashion show performance.
P.S. and the part ” By the next episode, she’ll have three children running around and curlers in her hair.” you forget the long pink nails and eadible jessica simpson beauty products!!!
And regards to Dan.. after the whole “Oh yeah you work” comment I mentally deleted him from the episode.
I agree, J-Wahl was totally jacked up on some coke in this episode. I could tell his affect was off in the car on the way to the big birthday dinner, he was all bugged out. And all those trips to the bathroom! The sad thing is that LC probably has no clue. She may be relatively smart about her workplace demeanor, but she is a total sucker in love. She never even got a real apology out of him. And remember last week how she told Heidi that she never even talked to him about whether he’d be seeing other people? Ah, youthful naivete. She will have to learn the hard way that you should never assume that a man is being faithful without a thorough cross-examination–especially not a man who has cheated on you in the past! And those golf clubs were a ridiculously over-extravagant present for a newly forgiven cheater! Those things must have set her back hundreds of dollars!!!
Personally, I found Whitney’s observation that “Jeans can be so a-dick-tink” to be one of the high points. I never imagined Sgt. Schulz would ever have interned for Stalag 13 at Teen Vogue.
I also found it rather amusing how the “fellas” brought Brian out to golf so they could emasculate him on the course as their official “Golf Beeyotch”.
Naive though she is, God bless Lauren this time around. She gave a rockin’ birthday gift, she holds a job, and she even refused to fight on J-Yeti’s birthday (presumably in favor of waiting until he was sober and would remember her being pissed).
it seems like that was way too big of a fight to just be about Jason not sitting next to LC. i think the fight was actually about all the powdery bathroom trips and the producers just made it seem like it was about ignoring LC.
Amidst all the teen angst and drama at the party, all I thought about was how much I liked Lauren’s purse.
Another interesting fact about El Coyote:
It’s the last place Sharon Tate and her crew were at b4 getting murdered my the Charles Manson people.
The circuitous route to Blowfish was so Jason could hook up with his dealer first. It pains me as a decent guy that Lauren is with that tool.
If I find out MTV put her up to accepting his weak-ass back, i’ll be even more pissed.
Was also amazed at Heidi’s use of the word “vicarious.”
Did anyone else notice that Lauren said, not once, but TWICE “I love you” to Jason? Uhh, definitely a big jump from last week.
Yeah, Lauren certainly did lavish a couple of the big L’s upon J-Tool, to which he responded in Gable/Valentino-like fashion with, “Ok”. Man, somebody’s got to open her heavily-mascarad eyes…
I’d also like to know who that freaky Howie Mandel-in-a-knit-cap looking freak was at the dinner table.
having worked on a few of these shows, it’s most likely they took that route to blowfish b/c the producers asked them to – the longer they spend in the car alone together, the better chance of developing story. It also gives time for the camera crews to advance to the restaurant.
Or, they could have gone that way because Jason really is an idiot.
I’m going to give Jason the benefit of the doubt…maybe he was taking smoke breaks. I can’t imagine that Lauren would put up with a boyfriend using coke.
Random Ken Jennings mention, B-Side!!!
“The Geographical Scandal of the Hills” Yes! It’s so true, B-Side, I’m so glad someone is finally mentioning it. b/c the Palazzo is purely Miracle Mile *represent lol* not the Hills?! ugh.
To further prove this, there was one episode where Heidi is either going to work or the interview and as she pulls out and turns on the corner, it’s 3rd street where the Palazzo is. So really they are just near the Grove, Ross and Kmart, not that cinematographically pleasing
As many have said… J Wahl is most definitely on coke… and I love that Lauren felt the need to spend the whole day with him, as he was clearly golfing all day… was she going to trail him around the golf course???
Also, was anyone else looking for glimpses of Steee-ven and his other roommate (Cedric? Dieter? I forget…) at the dinner. They supposedly all lived together in LA, and LC is friends with them too, so why wouldn’t they be at the party?
I love these recaps. Awesome job!
Jason is an a-hole. LC needs to kick him to the curb. I found an interesting article about the lack of work ethics in today’s younguns and our little Miss Heide happens to be mentioned toward the middle-end. I hope the link works, if not cut and paste if you will. Enjoy.
Gawd, Heide really is dumb.
http://www.nypost.com/entertainment/entry_level_devils_entertainment_maureen_callahan.htm
My theory about the The Geographical Scandal of the Hills? These two are idiots.
I loved how Dan kept talking to his date while directly facing the camera. Now we know why he doesn’t have an acting job. Sheesh!
I didn’t get why Lauren wanted to spend the whole day with that idoit either! He was golfing!
Lauren really needs to get a clue. She was pathetic with Steven and now even worse with J-Wahl. I just want to shake her.
Did you see Jason was holding a flask when they were leaving and by the car. He was definately drunk or on drugs.
I just read an old article how those two are together because they get each other since they are both from Laguna. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Hopefully Lauren gets a brain for her birthday and kicks Jason to the curb.
Can Audrina the Hooters alumnus really expect to become a model with that big ole tramp stamp on her neck? Still, kudos to her because SHE WORKS.
I just don’t get the Jason thing. Lauren is such a pretty girl. Not the brightest, but not completely devoid of thought. Jason is not only a douche but I don’t think he’s even remotely attractive. What is going on here??
Also, I think Lauren might have been upset because Jason was talking to random girls at the end of the table. You could hear him invite them out to the club and then say something like “If you come, it’ll be trouble” or something skeevy like that. It boggles my mind that Lauren is so out of his league and he would cheat on her.
I haven’t read all the posts, so maybe someone else wrote this….Jason is a coke head. The reason he wasn’t in LB season 1 is because he was in rehab. He has all those different cars because he wrecks the other ones and the reason he gets new ones is b/c his grandparents buy them and his parents freeload off his grandparents. Just sayin….
Maybe Jason was meeting Cedric later on at the “club” he was talking about that he didn’t mention to Lauren. After all, he couldn’t miss his masters birthday! He probably did get get some lovin’ that night, just not from Lauren. Remember, his mustache tickles Cedric’s bum.
“Could it be Lauren has been going to the Britney Spears School of Man Choosing?” LMAO.
I’m going to start a Hills drinking game where you have to drink every time someone complains about having to work. Drink twice if it’s Audrina.
SDfashgal: that article was very interesting. Also it’s nice to hear that there is a scene in the Devil Wears Prada that points out how entitled the main character feels. I read hte first chapter of the book and could not figure out why it sold so well. It was all “Boo-hoo, then I had to change out the Chanel outfit into the Dolce and Gabbana. Poor me.”
I am pretty much convinced that it is not in fact coke that he is snorting..but heroin. Everything from the look on his face to the way he is speaking and acting makes me almost sure that its dope.
It didn’t take long for Jason to treat Lauren like dirt! When he was asking her if she wanted to go home after dinner, I thought ‘Uh oh, he’s going to go do his own thing…’. Sure enough, boy ignores her at dinner and then ditches her! I’m not impressed with Lauren sticking by the guy. Lame.
*B-Side, great recap as always! I hate to nitpick and it’s probably too late to correct this but the legal drinking age in Quebec is actually 18, not 19. I’m a Montreal girl so I know! You can try British Columbia or if you wanna name an obscur province, try Saskatchewan, I’m pretty sure their drinking age’s 19.
i feel bad for lauren. i lived with 8 other girls in college and watched them go through the same cycle over and over again. guy pursues girl, girl gets interested. upon sensing interest, guy starts treating girl like last night’s warm keg. girl gets “needy” (aka confused and concerned), guy bolts. girl acts crazy for a while. then girl’s friends help build a shaky sense of independence in her and then BOOM, the guy comes back for more once he realizes there might be a slight chance that she’s moved on. then what happens? i’d say about 90% of the time the girl falls for the guy again. repeat cycle.
the worst part is that the guy is usually never good enough for the girl. wish i could say i hadn’t been through this myself, but that would just be a lie
Here’s what I’ve learned from this show:
1) Everyone becomes incredibly stupid and vapid when they move to L.A.
2) “Hard Work” isn’t part of your vocabulary when you’re gorgeous.
3) Everyone hates their jobs…DUH!
4) People hand out internships and dream jobs in L.A. like they’re porn pamplets on the Vegas strip.
I couldn’t imagine spending more than five minutes with any of these people without my head exploding in pure disbelief. I would like to reach through the television to strangle each character separately within an inch of their life.
I’m still watching though. As glamorous as their lives may seem the complete lack of work ethic, knowledge and tact these kids display make me prize my mediocre upbringing.
I kept thinking of that old Drew Carey quote: “You know, there’s a group of people like you, who hate their jobs. It’s called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar.”
I will say that LC does display something of a work ethic…her one mistake was telling them she had to leave for her bf’s birthday. I agree, she should have just said she had someplace to be (and really, if she was smart, she’d have gone along).
But yeah, I read the NY magazine article, and I HATE the whole “feeling entitled to your dream job” crap. You know what? I have a college degree AND a law degree, AND I still don’t have a job. And it’s not for lack of trying. Honestly, I’d gladly lick envelopes for a great organization if there was upward mobility. (Yes, I had that same issue with the book The Devil Wears Prada. Also, why the hell did the main character’s friends blame HER when her friend became an alcoholic? But I digress.)
As for J-Balls, he’s a druggie idiot. Even Ste-pheeen wasn’t that awful to LC. She may be a little vapid, but overall she’s a cute, sweet girl who deserves so very much better.
This salad is a party.
I still don’t understand why that Dan guy would even say “this salad is a party.” That was so lame and made no sense. Does he go to parties were everyone looks all made up and just sit there and do nothing. It’s pretty bad when Adurina doesn’t even act interested while you are talking to her.
Jason is diffently on drugs. Probably whatever kind he can get his hands on.
I just moved to a town that someone has to die for you to get a teaching job and then when that happens you have to either go to the Baptist Chruch or your family has to work in the school district to get a job there. I can’t get a teaching job around here because I am not home grown or Baptist. The people they are highering have no experience and I have six. Ever job that I have been up for someone whose Daddy is a principal in the district or big in the Baptist Church has gotten it over me. Then I have to much experience and education so some place like Walmart won’t even give me a job. I am now trying to get a job as a teacher’s aide so I can get my foot in the door. I would love for someone to let me lick envelopes for them or go pick up their lunch for them, as long as I get paid.
I ment to say six years. And I am so upset about the job thing who knows what my grammar was like.
I for one am glad Jason is on the show. You have to admit, LC’s life was a bore before he came back into it. I think the whole thing is a riot. I cannot belive she is saying “I love you” and doesn’t seem to care that he doesn’t reciprocate. And her b-day gift to him let him know just how in there he really is.
Jason is on drugs for sure. LC is young but she will learn that she can’t count on him for anything. He just wants to be on her show and she is a big fool for him right now.
She will learn and I hope she makes Jason look like a big idiot when she dumps him.
She was a big fool with Steven too. The girl needs a spine.
LC doesn’t live in the hills she lives in the apartments by the grove, heres the proof…
Even juicier is the news straight from E! Online’s Korbi Ghosh, who reports:
“[Let's talk about] Jessica, Alex M. and Alex H., for starters. Sources tell me that although MTV’s season-three preview focused a whole new crew of Laguna kids, those three ladies are definitely returning. Of course, MTV also desperately wants Stephen and Kristin. However, Stephen’s busy trying to jump-start his acting career (and a relationship with a girl in his acting class), and Kristin is also hesitating, given her fancy new role in that Al Pacino flick. Not to mention the fact that, according to sources, her friendships with the Laguna gang are rapidly dissolving.
As of two weeks ago, Kristin and Alex H. were sharing an apartment, but Alex H. left to move into another posh L.A. building with Alex M. It’s a building that happens to be one of Kristin’s dad’s developments. Show insiders tell me their relationship soured because Kristin insisted that everything be about her, expecting Alex to be on call. The last straw went down at a San Diego event for Dieter’s charity, when Alex refused to drive Kristin back to L.A. early for an audition.
Stephen is sharing a downtown L.A. apartment with Dieter and Jason. They aren’t in school right now, but while Stephen has acting classes, and Dieter has his charity, I’m told Jason’s concentrating on cleaning up his act, though it doesn’t seem to be happening. Says a source who works with the Laguna Beach crew, “Promoters are constantly calling them and sending them to different L.A. clubs every night of the week. Jason is always getting kicked out of clubs for getting into fights¦He’s wrecked a lot of cars, too. That’s why you always see him driving different ones on the show.” Same goes for Stephen. Word has it that last week he crashed a brand-new car the very same day he bought it!
Lauren, meanwhile, has cut ties with every other castmember except Jason, whom she’s still dating. According to insiders, she and Kristin did make up months ago, but they’re back to being enemies, maybe, I’m told, because they both hooked up with Stephen again over the summer.
Lauren’s spinoff is supposedly similar to MTV’s PoweR Girls, except that it follows her and friend Heidi (who is hated by all of Lauren’s other friends) around Los Angeles. The spinoff is being called The Hills“as in the Hollywood Hills“and MTV plans to show the exterior of some random Hollywood Hills home as if it’s really hers. The truth? She’s living in an apartment by L.A. shopping complex the Grove!”
This episode would definitely have been better titled “COCAINE”.
There was a lot going on that MTV didn’t show.
OK, you’re not gonna believe this, but I just saw The Devil Wears Prada, and there was a scene where the protagonist MISSES HER BOYFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY PARTY because she (OH NO!) has to WORK.
What is UP with this???? I can guaran-damn-tee that I had to work on ALL of my boyfriend’s birthdays. I’ve even had to work on my OWN birthday! Why? IT’S CALLED A JOB! Maybe it’s a Midwestern thing, but jeez, I do not understand this.
Hey, this salad is a party.
Jason is 19, with a 40 year old beard!!!
I was really disappointed to not see Cedric. Whats with all these comments with people saying “oh I can’t beleive lauren puts up with jason”
Lauren isn’t that good looking, she’s pretty but also plain and average. Maybe people who live in parts of america where people don’t make an effort to keep in shape can’t see that. And when a group of people come out for someone’s birthday you would expect that they would get to spend some time with him, he wouldn’t be attached at the hip to his boring girlfriend and her stupid friends.
J-Wahl’s drinking/coke habit makes for great TV! Its disappointing MTV isn’t playing up the drug use more. It would be almost as great as when Ryan Seacrest show’d up on Taradise about three tabs deep.
Coked up Jason rules…the Hills was so damned boring until he showed up. L.C. is just too vanilla…more Heidi and J. Wahl plz. Oh, and I think he was asking the random skank at the endo of the table if she wanted to move in with ‘the three of them.’ Classy!
‘this salad’s like a party’ has become my new life motto (unless tomorrow evening i hear something a little more brilliant).
also, heidi reminds me of tara reid.
When Audrina’s phone rang why was Dan trying to act polite and sort of ticked off when he told her to answer the phone. He said something like “sure answer it, it’s the right thing to do” when she asked if he minded. He’s tone was like we are on a date you shouldn’t be taking calls, but wasn’t he the one who just checked his messages right there in front of her for like an hour. That date was a wreck when they walked out the door.
Jason and Heidi make the show if it wasn’t for them it wouldn’t be intresting. Let’s face it LC, Audrina, Wh-Wh-Wh-Whitney, Brian, and Jordan are all boring. At least Heidi makes everyone think they are smart and Jason gives us the I can’t believe he just did that right then when he knows there are Cameras fliming his every move. I am sure part of that is because after a while you forget that they are there and the other part is his drug habit.
I read somewhere that Jason went to Rehab again and is doing better. Lets hope so for LC sake and his.
Why would she buy him golf clubs? Does he deserve her buying him $1000 golf clubs? He obviously has treated her so well in the past that she deserves them. Poor girl.
Jason probably laughs. All he has to do is make a few unintelligible noises at a girl and they start spending money left and right and doing other things.
Too bad there’s not an intructional video for girls on ‘how not to get played’. They could show it in schools along with videos about STD awareness.
The fact that Jason is a cokehead is definitely obvious. That’s the first thing I thought of when he went to that older, oddly out of place man to the bathroom repeatedly. He was obviously goin to snort some lines to really get his party started.
Another little observation i’ve made, I think Jason really wants to bang Audrina. If u notice he always acts really odd when he is in her presence or when she walks into a room. A lot of times he won’t even look her in the eye. He shows all of the obvious signs of “I know I’m ur boyfriend but I would really like to bang ur friend so I must avoid them at all times to not look like I want them” syndrome. The only reason I brought that up is that it appears that LC will be another victim of thinking they can change a dog who doesn’t wanna be changed….he may treat her a little better than the rest of the girls but it’s obvious she’ll fall victim to being the girlfriend or wife of a man who “loves her but just likes to pipe other attractive females from time to time.”
Also, it pains me to even watch Heidi on television. She is by far one of the stupidest and saddest individuals i’ve ever been exposed to in my life. It’s hard to accept sometimes that people like her exist.
That is so sweet for LC’s Dad to buy Jason those golf clubs!
http://www.ilovecamping.blogspot.com
I think that Lauren is doing coke too. I have never seen her look worse than this season. She always sounds like she has a cold. In that last episode, Jason says good morning to her and she says that she has to get ready for work. She didn’t have to be at work till 2:30, so she must have just woke up in time. Check it out on the rerun.
porra sou portugues que isso em brasileiro vlw mano