The Hills: Don’t Turn Around Now, You’re Not Welcome Anymore

The Hills

By Ting Lee | Wednesday, November 28, 2007 | 12:14 am | 31 Comments

This week on The Hills, Bustin is so much grosser than we thought, a slimy monster terrorizes the land, and Deadrina, bolstered by the power of her own cubicle, finally stands up for herself.

Nothing good ever happens when NASCAR comes to town.

Good morning! Our two favorite roomies greet each other in the kitchen where the impossibly thin Deadrina eats something out of a wrapper. We’ve seen her eat vegetables without dressing and meal replacement bars. She better watch that shit, ’cause I’ve never seen an eighty-year-old skinny lady savoring a Cliff Bar.

Deadrina has something to tell! Last night at the club, she ran into this girl who identified herself as….drum roll…. Stephanie Pratt. OMG! The Monchichi has a sister! She called Deadrina a bitch and told her that she and LC are “done.” I can’t wait to see this little nobody who thinks she can ruin the stars of the greatest television show in the world. Lauren says she knows her and she’s a “loony.” Well, you would be crazy too, if you looked like the Monchichi, Deadrina mock defends. Lauren dubs her “A She-Pratt.” Hahaha! They both make haunted house faces as they think about her. How ugly can she be? Then Lauren says she thinks a She-Pratt is worse than a He-Pratt because “at the end of the day”–uh, oh. Whenever anybody uses that expression, I feel sure they’re about to tell me something that makes no sense. Let’s see. “At the end of the day, guys can’t hit you, but girls can.” I don’t know, LC. Even a slap in the face would be better than the Monchichi mouthmobile. But, let’s get back to the fact that She-Pratt’s a hitter. Are we going to see a fight tonight? Place your bets, place your bets.

We don’t have to wait long to see how ugly she is. The She-Pratt makes a visit to Chez Janky. So, how ugly is she? Hard to tell. She’s a human oil slick. The shine coming off her face is so blinding you can’t see her features clearly. She’s definitely someone you’d avoid hugging so there would be no chance of her face contacting your skin.

Picture 2-5

What did your pores ever do to you?

As she enters the place, she exclaims, “Oh this is so nice,” like she’s never been there before. She notices the jellyfish aren’t home and the Monchichi tells her they went on vacation since the electricity went out when Heidi didn’t pay the bill. The he and Heidi have a slap fight over who was supposed to pay the electric bill. Uh, the one who has the job? I get it, since Speidi can’t seem to make any friends, they had to bring in this walking zit for them to talk to.

She-Pratt thinks she’s never seen two people more in love. Now we know how the Pratts were growed. They have one of THOSE families. Dinnertime at the Pratt house:

Mr. Pratt (to the Monchichi’s 4th grade friend who is spending the night): My wife was so pretty when I married her.

Mrs. Pratt: (silence)

Mr. Pratt: I never wanted to get married, but she wanted the whole thing.

Mrs. Pratt: (silence)

Mr. Pratt: If you ever get roped into it, go to a foreign country, the laws don’t stick.

Mrs. Pratt: (silence) I paid the electricity bill.

Mr. Pratt: Did I ask you to speak?

Mrs. Pratt: (silence)

Heidi asks She-Pratt if the parents know about the wedding, wait, does she even know? “Yeah, ” says She-Pratt, “Tibet!” “No!” protests Heidi. The She-Pratt counters that when she gets married she wants to go to Croatia. Guess you’re never going to Croatia. Unless you meet a guy who’s skin is made out of Italian bread. Could happen. Then the She-Pratt says it should be fun because you only get married once. If you’re lucky. I’d bet my grandmother’s farm that if Heidi marries the Monchichi, she’ll have at least two weddings in her lifetime.

The front door is squeaky. Would you rub your face on the hinges? Thanks sis!

The Monchichi chides Heidi about wanting get married in a church with their parents there. Heidi adds, “Yeah, with a priest who actually marries you.” When Heidi gets agitated she gesticulates with her fingers spread out. (Like when she’s singing and she knows she sucks at it). Right now, she looks like she’s holding an imaginary basketball. She-Pratt gets excited because she and her friend Roxy went online and became ministers, so she could marry them. I did that once, too. I think I’m ordained at a place called The Church of Good Times, but I can’t remember because I was high on life when I agreed to the terms. Here’s a question: How can one be both the minister and the maid of honor? That’s one more actor they’d have to hire. Heidi vetoes the idea anyway, and the Pratts laugh at how stupid she is. Heidi asks She-Pratt to stand up so she can put paper towels down underneath her so the couch doesn’t stain.

Over at the Clearskin Villas, our girls talk about where to go out that night, and they guess they’ll just meet up with Frankie and Brody at Opera. Bustin hasn’t called Deadrina back (“Surprise!” she jokes pitifully) so she doesn’t know if he’s coming. LC doesn’t think it’s that funny, telling her in the least judgmental sounding way she can muster that she has to have a relationship that functions in public. Deadrina agrees. She understands guys check out cute girls when you’re with them, but every single one? I mean, she doesn’t care, she just wants him to be more attentive and he’s not doing it. Whenever they’re out, he pretends he doesn’t know her, but when they’re together, they’re like, together. “If you guys were hermits, you’d have like the perfect relationship!” HAHAHA. LC’s on a roll this week. Except hermits don’t have lovers. If Thoreau had a lady, there’d be no Walden. If Deadrina were a hermit, there’d be no best-selling book of haikus. That’s the way of the world.

When we arrive at the Opera, we see Bustin sitting right next to Deadrina. He has a scarf on his head that looks like one of those old-timey towel things people would use when they were sick to capture the steam as they hover over a bowl of hot water. That is to say, he looks retarded. Brody arrives with kisses. Frankie asks Bustin where he’s been and Deadrina pathetically responds for him, saying he’s been in lala land and doesn’t have time for anybody, not even her.

There are no words.

Just then a greasy black mist permeates the air. Brody looks up, and screams, “OH MY GOD! IT’S THE SHE-PRATT! EVERYBODY RUN FOR SAFETY!” But before they can squeeze out of their booth and grab the 300-dollar bottle of Grey Goose, the She-Pratt’s gills sense fear coming from behind her.

“SSSSSSsssssss! Is that Brody I sssssssspy?” She-Pratt slides over to their table and asks Brody what he’s doing on “the evil sssside.” Then she demands that he come home with her as if she were the parent of an attention-seeking runaway child. Roxy, who looks like a girl from Long Island, over-plucked tranny eyebrows and all, tells Lauren and Deadrina they better stay away from Heidi. LC asks what she did. She-Pratt starts to say, “You made everyone hate her,” but catches herself and switches to, “Just because you hate my brother–!” Much better.

LC calmly tells her she doesn’t know her and that it’s really not her business. She-Pratt explains that it is her business, because, “When you hate my brother, it makes me hate you!” Like, duh, Lauren! The cycle of hate never ends! . I tried to figure out how old She-Pratt is, because no one goes up to someone to tell them they hate them. You just ignore, like civilized people. Super Brody, the only one who actually knows her, finally jumps in and tells the She-Pratt to back off, so she retreats, but as she does, she lifts her tail and slimes them all.

It’s kind of sweet how ugly girls always find each other.

Now, the editing gets tricky here, but what it looks like is Bustin makes eye contact with a redheaded chick wearing black lipstick and signals her to join him elsewhere. We see him cozy up to this Gothho in a different booth. Our clique strains and gawks to see what he’s doing. Lauren says, “Did he just kiss her?” We hear Brody say, “Oh my god,” as the camera catches glimpses of Bustin between people’s legs. Brody’s jaw drops. Deadrina looks stricken. Cut to commercial.

When we get back, Deadrina and LC are standing outside with what looks like two handlers: two chubby slightly older chicks on blackberries who don’t get captioned. They ask what happened and Deadrina tells them Bustin just “kissed some girl at the bar.” Deadrina says,” I’m done. I’m dead serious.” Then one of the handlers tells her he’s coming out. So these are the producers, orchestrating the drama.

As Bustin comes out, he’s with the redheaded Goth chick and he’s got his hand around her waist. Watching it in repeat, he slides his hand up and is squeezing her breast, when he suddenly sees that the cameras are still there, waiting for him. He pushes the redhead away and pulls the towel over his face. The redhead turns and grabs at him. He pushes her away. It’s appalling.

Wait a second! You’re eyes have life. Get away from me you slut!

He tries to pass by Deadrina and the cameras, holding hands with the redhead. Deadrina stops him and has to pull the scarf thing off his head. It’s so humiliating that the guy who is humiliating you is wearing a costume over his face. “What are you DOING?” He brushes by her so she is left to confront the girl. “I saw you guys kissing at the bar!”

“Are you kidding me? I did not kiss him! I did not… nothing him!” says the girl with a bit of a hick-twang. It is so humiliating when the girl your “boyfriend” is hooking up with is stupid or haggard, or both.

Deadrina tells her they all saw, but then realizes the girl is an idiot, and really not the problem. She says she’s done with both of them, and pushes the ho at Bustin, who is leaning against a railing, smoking and laughing.

Lauren rallies the two fat producer ladies (who are peeing their pantsuits with glee) to get them to the car. She tries to corral Deadrina. Bustin corners her for a second to ask her if this is what she really wants. They get her moving across the parking lot, Bustin loping behind them. Deadrina’s crying, saying she can’t believe it. LC tells her, “You know he did that though,” and Deadrina cries that she had to see it with her own eyes to believe it. It makes you feel sick to your stomach.

Until this episode, it was hard to tell what was going on between the two of them. But it’s clear now. They weren’t exclusive, but she wasn’t dating anyone else hoping he’d come around. He’s been dating or fucking anyone within his reach. Lauren’s right, though. Remember when he picked up that girl at Brody’s barbecue and left Deadrina there?

It gets worse. Bustin gets his arm around her and pulls her away. “I’m done,” she says. He responds that she’s said that to him “so many f*ing times” as if it’s no different this time either. Watching it, I’ve got my hands clenched into fists hoping this IS the time she means it.

Picture 11-1

Stop smiling.

They walk to a corner of the parking lot, next to a dumpster. I can’t tell you how many meaningful, problem-solving conversations I’ve had, drunk, late, standing next to a dumpster. Theirs is The Classic: Victim/Abuser. She doesn’t know what he wants from her (unsaid: since you seem to be able to get it from everybody else, too). He says, “Honey, you’re in my heart and I care about you so much more than you’ll ever know.” It makes you want to hit him. Why will she never know? Because a) He’ll never show her because “he doesn’t know how” b) He’s lying c) She’ll walk away now. The correct answer is b and hopefully, hopefully, c.

He pretends that he didn’t do anything, and slurs through some of his nonsensical vaguely poetic sayings to distract her. Deadrina points out he wouldn’t like it very much if she were dating other people, and it’s not fair for her to sit around waiting for him to call because he never does. He, surprisingly, agrees with all of this. He permits her to bail, if she “truly” thinks she can walk away from him. It’s manipulative and disgusting, and Deadrina is susceptible. She shakes her head, crying. He convinces her to get in the car the producers are driving. The only thing that would make this evening more operatic was if Deadrina suddenly jumped out of the vehicle, ran into the street, got run over by a car and was killed instantly.

She-Pratt slimes her way up the stairs to Chez Janky. Jesus, She-Pratt. Borrow the Monchichi’s laptop and google “Shiseido Blotting Paper.” STAT. People prone to migraines shouldn’t be around you; the shine coming off the different planes of your face would flatten them for days. Come to mention it, the Monchichi is a little oily this morning. Heidi has a perfect matte finish as usual.

Picture 19-1

Runs in the family.

All the more to hide your true feelings with, my dear! As She-Pratt tells the story of the Opera the night before, Heidi listens with reservations. She’s shocked that She-Pratt confronted Lauren, but doesn’t register any reaction when She-Pratt reveals that she thinks they are now BEST FRIENDS. Take a good look. The Shiny Twins are your family now. Lauren was right; She-Pratt is a loon, because her assessment of the whole group is that Bustin is the nicest one of them all. As the Monchichi and She-Pratt trade thank you’s and congratulations on a job well done, Heidi is put off. She tries to change the subject, saying she’s sick of talking about those people. The Monchichi says snidely to his sister, “Oh, let’s get Heidi some ear muffs!” She laughs hard, not because he misspoke, but because they’re both people without any class.

Next day, Deadrina tells her co-worker Chiara about Opera. Where’d they get this Chiara? She looks like they bussed her in from Buffalo! Maybe a SUNY student? Can’t you see her in a Bills sweatshirt, wearing stuffed animal slippers, offering you a slice off her Pillsbury cookie dough roll with a butter knife she stole from the dining hall?

There’s a Nancy McKeon movie on Lifetime if you just wanna stay in a curl each other’s hair…

Deadrina tells Chiara that she and Bustin didn’t talk at all on the car ride home and she had her “friend Kelsey” drop him off at his apartment. Oh, so he doesn’t stay at the Y? Bustin apparently wanted her to come inside so they could talk about everything, but Deadrina insists she told him it was over and that she was “dead serious” (which I get a kick out of every time). Chiara says, “Yeah, well, there’s only so much abuse” –then she rolls her eyes up and repeats the word “abuse” like she doesn’t really mean it. Oh, Buffalo Gal, feel free to talk plain. That’s what your people are known for. Deadrina says she has to end it for real tonight, I guess, because Bustin was too drunk to take her dead seriously.

Bustin rolls up to Deadrina’s apartment. No honking tonight. But he does ring the doorbell repeatedly to signal his arrival. We get it, Bustin. You need a lot of attention. I’ve seen your kind before. They’re called narcissists. Look it up. Write a poem about it. Tell people you are one. Tell them you’re looking for Goldmund. Create the mystique.

He’s got his hair pulled back in a bun like a Mexican dishwasher, and without the locks, he’s not as attractive as he’d led me to believe. He’s somewhat tired, but not too tired to come get his last face time. Come on, Girl. DO IT! Deadrina tells him she needs to move on. He plays the fool, saying he doesn’t know why or what the f happened last night. “You didn’t kiss her?” Deadrina presses. “No,” he says.” I don’t even know who you’re talking about. And even though I was caught lewdly squeezing her breast on camera, I did not place my mouth on her lips.” Then he accuses Deadrina of taking hallucinogenics.

More water on table ten and if we catch you spitting in food again it’s back to Benito’s Tacos with you, buddy.

When she says all her friends saw, too, he replies that of course they did. They’ve never “fathomed” him, so of course they told her he kissed someone else. Au contraire, I think they fathomed you just right, playa. He tells her he likes spending time with her and he doesn’t want that to end. Jeez, how romantic, how compelling. She interrupts him to say, “It’s hopeless.” It is so true and clear that he has to accept it. So he does.

A parting limerick:

There once was a stylist called Bustin

Who was vaguely poetic and lustin’

He got caught in the act

(Wish he got punched in the sack)

So he lied but our girl didn’t trust him

Dang, girl, this could’ve all been yours.

Comments (31)
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31 Comments

1

Fomhoire

Posted November 27, 2007 at 11:11 pm

So glad the episodes have been getting better- good episodes mean great recaps. Awesome job with the screen caps.

And so hope we never have to see Justin-Bobby again. He reminds me of Tobias Funke when he had GvH. I love everyone who gets that reference.
2

grena

Posted November 27, 2007 at 11:51 pm

Great recap Ting!

I’m glad you caught how She-Pratt had to catch her self when she almost finished saying “Because you made everybody hate
h(er).” LOL

Wow. I agree with Lauren. She is a loony. After this whole wedding/ break-up debaucle of Speidi’s it would be nice to see Heidi off the show. It would be nice to see cameos from the old Laguna gang. I don’t know how they would pull it off, but I’d even be interested in seeing Kristin come back for an episode or two or (DUNH DUNH DUNH) Stephen.
3

ClosetExtrovert

Posted November 28, 2007 at 5:58 am

Clearly, one of your BEST Recaps.

Poor Deadrina. We all get suckered once. How unfortunate her turn was televised. Bummercity.

I wonder why Spencer and Heidi want to get married in a Methodist church when they’re both Jewish. Weird, right?
4

Errrica

Posted November 28, 2007 at 6:51 am

Did anyone notice Justin’s eye well up when he realized Audrina meant business? Or was his bun too tight? No I think he was crying. Amazing.
5

gfab

Posted November 28, 2007 at 7:03 am

Fomhoire-LOVE the Tobias reference. “Help us fight TBA!”.

ClosetExtrovert-how do you know that Speidi are Jewish? I’m one of the tribe and it horrifies me to think that I have something in common with either of them. They are so gross, and Spencer’s sister is just nasty. She and her little Long Island tranny friend need to disappear (and take Justin Bobby with them).
6

murphena

Posted November 28, 2007 at 7:28 am

Star Magazine has an interesting article about the She Pratt on their website — along with a mug shot from when she was arrested a while ago for shoplifting.
7

nacho mama

Posted November 28, 2007 at 7:55 am

Great recap

I was surprised no one mentioned Roxy, being Roxy Olin, the actress that everyone was talking about being cast to be Heidi’s MOH. Google her and you;ll see it’s her.

I’m so sick to see Speidi’s fake fight being dragged out one more episode. I thought the big “break up” they were planning was last week’s, which wasn’t that big, but apparently, there’s more. It just seems so fake. On the other hand, Heidi’s face during ShePratt’s recap of what happened at the club was classic. You could totally see her being turned off by them.

Also, I thought Lauren said “she-Spencer” not She-Pratt, unless I heard wrong. But I could have sworn she said ” the only thing worse than Spencer… is a she version of Spencer”

Great recap though!
8

heehaw

Posted November 28, 2007 at 8:40 am

bustin jobby is exactly what audriena needs. he a tool that screws her. i am starting to like this guy more all the time. he abuses audriena and all of her foolish stupid friends. AND manages to stay on the show. i say give them a BIG LOUD SMELLY GUT CHURNING BELCH FOR ME!!! AND RIGHT IN THE FACE!
thank you bustin jobby for all you do.
9

heehaw

Posted November 28, 2007 at 8:44 am

bustin jobby is exactly what audriena needs. he is a tool that screws her. i am starting to like this guy better all the time. i say give audriena and all her stoopid firends a BIG LOUD GUT CHURNING SMELLY BELCH for me. and right in their faces. thank you bustin.
10

heehaw

Posted November 28, 2007 at 8:46 am

sorry dbl post. got weird error.
BELCH!!!!!!!!!
11

mandymax

Posted November 28, 2007 at 10:30 am

The whole stint with Spencer’s sister is so completely, totally staged. I typically take this show with a grain of salt, but even I can’t help rolling my eyes at this ploy. It seemed obnoxiously obvious to me that she was fed her lines at the club before going over to Lauren’s table. Ridiculous.
12

lalia

Posted November 28, 2007 at 11:03 am

Somebody mentioned that they would like cameos from some LB kids and I totally agree(especially because I love Kristin and can even tolerate Stephen). While I loved The Hills when it first started because I was on Team Lauren and all that jazz, I have grown to dislike Lauren…a lot. And her friends are lame. I definitely think she’s happy that finally she’s the center of attention, but I don’t think she wants to realize that it’s because she’s the one with the tv show. Although I totally love Brody, but I’ve loved him since Princes of Malibu and he’s never been shy about his essentially using Lauren for camera time. I could have done without she-Spencer because her little confrontation with Lauren was beyond staged and not even entertaining. Seriously?? When is the finale of this show because I don’t know that I can take anymore of this.

Of course I will watch this every Monday because, come on, deep down I love this shit!
13

coco q. puff

Posted November 28, 2007 at 11:48 am

Thank you for beating me to it Nacho Mama, I too was shocked to see that omg, there’s Roxy the odds-on for fake bridesmaid. Looks like she got the job, ’cause she chimed in with something like, “I know Heidi…I love Heidi…” That way, we’re not surprised when we see her up there at the wedding. Wow, MTV is smart and we’re not.
Audrina’s break-up scene looked like it was filmed 2 weeks after the Opera night. From the way they talked and everything, I have a hard time believing that it was the “next day.” I think JB did his hair because it was the first time he was paid to appear and they told him to. Why couldn’t the moment she told him to get out of the car (which we didn’t see, but she described to Chiara) have been their break-up? Who tells someone, “Come over tomorrow so we can do this formally?”
14

EstelleHairball

Posted November 28, 2007 at 11:48 am

Great recap Ting! They finally gave you some material to work with.

I love how the chick shows up for the first time ever on the show, and she’s the new best friend. How does Bunney feel? Probably happy since being made out to be the bad girl on a reality show wasn’t as fun or profitable as she thought it would be…

Also, check out Perezhilton for the she-pratt’s mugshot. It shows her in all of her oily, pimple-faced glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15

stoneymuggins

Posted November 28, 2007 at 1:12 pm

oh fomhoire… I always love a good AD reference! heard a new rumor that SHO is picking it up, we’ve been down this path before though, not holding ones breath.

I think all the networks have “made a huge mistake”, but at least we have the Hills, right?
16

samxx7

Posted November 29, 2007 at 1:42 am

I want to apologize to ting, THIS RECAP WAS THE SHIT !

i laughed and i laughed alot ! not saying because of all people i liked it
made it the best, but i gotta say looking at the other recaps….it all has to do with the show, the show has been blowin and i blamed it on you ! you showed me up when i read this !! YAY !!!! hahahaha

the show to me is “real” in a sense they don’t tell them what to say ONLY !! In my eyes the producers tell em where to go, who to hang out with and when, but never tell em what to say…so in some little sense its kinda real…but in a fucked up just like reality tv is way. PLUS EDITING

BUTTTTTTTTTTTT not in spendies side of the show. they just set up everything, from trying to make heidi look sad and used the past epi’s…i mean PLEASE she talked shit on like 5 radio stations the first week the season 3 started, i mean HARD MEAN FUCKING SHIT…on Q102 on the booker show WHICH I LISTEN TO RELIGIOUSLY TO WORK haha she was whack and said THERE WAS A SEX TAPE !! out of her own mouth ! BITCHHH i have no sympathy and i hate how they make it seem she has a heart now…rrr

lauren is being more controlling of her life, shes like the boss, she got the show she has the say. Can’t say i blame her for getting to her head..but its just going to suck when the show ends and she loses everyone if she don’t figure it out sooner.

ok i wrote to much, just happy about a good epi and a GREAT recap !

hopefully the new two episodes will be good enough to show tings greatness…don’t kill me i’ve changed sides
17

ClosetExtrovert

Posted November 29, 2007 at 5:09 am

I just figured out how the Pratt Children earn their livings. They go out to bars and mouth off until people hit them. Then they sue the people that hit them.
Being a complete asswipe can be a good thing sometimes.
I was wondering – could Justin Bobby have been any drunker? If I’d been Deadrina, I wouldn’t have gotten that close. I would’ve been afraid he’d throw up on my shoes. And JB,Our fav little poser, takes a major league reality TV DUMP. Adios, JB.
I think Roxy is a beastie. But casting her was good. Stand her next to Heidi and Heidi will look great. Did she ever do anything with the roller derby? Does anyone know?
18

yankeesfan

Posted November 29, 2007 at 7:58 am

she-spencer and roxy just looked pathetic when they confronted lauren and company. i dont know what they expected to get out of it, but it just made them look stupid. also – one of the “larger” girls with them also went to vegas. spencer and she-spencer are just evil!
19

TVCHEESE

Posted November 29, 2007 at 8:47 am

Ting, I thought this was funny until you ripped on Upstate NY. Boooooooo
20

skippymippydoo

Posted November 29, 2007 at 10:19 am

Does anyone else think Lauren seems like the meanest person ever? I was watching some old episodes from season 1–back then, she actually LAUGHED, seemed to enjoy herself, accepted her friends for who they were even when she didn’t agree with them, and had a little humility. That’s why I liked her back then, she didn’t mind making fun of herself and just having a good time.

She seems like the bitchiest person in the world now, like she is trying to be Lindsay Lohan or something. She is incredibly haughty, never smiles, snipes at all her friends because she feels she is “above” every situation, and is just grumpy and rude to everyone she encounters.

I really just hate the girl. Also, WHAT is with the idiotic phrases and sayings she contributes to every show? She is like a damn page-a-day calendar or something. This week: “sometimes, the fight comes to you”, and “don’t fight other people’s battles”. Thank you for your insight as to how to surivive the tough world out there, white girl from Orange County.
21

lotsofhose

Posted November 29, 2007 at 10:42 am

Did anyone think that the red head looked like one of the final 3 contestants on “Rock of Love” I think she was referred to as Psycho Rocker Lacey. Soon as I saw it, it looks just like her. Plus it would make perfect sense, JB would be her type and she is a media ho. Anyone else think the same thing?
22

mle428

Posted November 29, 2007 at 11:44 am

This recap was the best one yet!
23

the_baddest_bitch

Posted November 29, 2007 at 1:59 pm

OK. So I finally read an entire recap just to see what all the bitchin’ was about with regard to Ting’s skills and I actually found it to be quite amusing and clever. As for the episode, I’m starting to lose my enthusiasm for the show. I feel like they are working really hard to create drama now. I think this should be the last season cuz I’m just getting bored with it all. I’m glad Audrina finally told Bustin to kick rocks. He’s a complete fuckhead and really needs to get beaten up by an equally insecure turd, preferably a girl. This show has gotten so predictable and boring that Spencer is even becoming less vile to me. Not because he’s not actually vile, just because he’s become a bore. As far as super villains go, Spencer has lost his edge. He’s pretty much a joke and I don’t think that his master plan to get his own show will fly since he really has no fucking life other than sitting around bitching about how much fun everyone else is having. In the words of Deadrina “I’m done!”
24

GiGiBird

Posted November 29, 2007 at 2:16 pm

Wow, what is Heidi going to do w/that Spencer? I think she is noticing more and more what a dirtbag he is. Yet she can’t stay away from him.

Also, I think it’s kind of crazy that they blatantly don’t ID anyone who is overweight. The two girls w/Audrina outside the club was one thing, but when they went to Vegas for Brody’s bday earlier this season, they totally left this one blond girl hanging out w/them totally unidentified. How nuts!
25

Scorpio23

Posted November 29, 2007 at 6:23 pm

Skippy I totally agree. Lauren has become extremely irritating and haughty because she is ALWAYS preaching her little rules. What the hell makes her think she’s the authority on dating and life in general? And I am really sick of seeing her in US Weekly. I wonder how old Stephanie is? I would say 19. And even though she’s immature I like her as a character…she’s just like her brother, although I don’t think she looks like him.
I would be happy if a Laguna person came back on the show (other than Jailbait Jason), even Ste-VEN. Remember DIETER? He was the only one with a sense of humor. And Mormon Morgan? Some of the kids were actually fun to watch.
There is NO way Heidi and Spencer are Jewish. Heidi’s apparently a Bible beater.
26

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted November 30, 2007 at 4:29 am

Okay, I know I’ve kissed a lot of ass when it comes to the Conrad family, but KConrad doesn’t hang out here anymore, so you know that I’m about to give you my honest opinion.

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why some people think Lauren has a superiority complex. She is the only one on the show who has owned up to being in the wrong (when she apologized to Aud for interfering in her relationship and speculated on the reasons why Heidi felt she couldn’t live with her anymore). As for thinking she is the authority on dating and life, since when is offering your best friend, whom you genuinely love, some advice a crime? As for being the authority on whether she should forgive Heidi, I think she has every right to make that decision on her own. I am positive that what Speidi put Lauren through with the rumors they spread was not easy, and Lauren is the only one who should decide if Heidi is the kind of person she wants to associate with. We all make character judgments when we choose our friends. Does this then mean that we are all haughty?
27

LornaCat3k

Posted November 30, 2007 at 7:39 am

I loved this recap, eSPEcially after the SUNY comments! That was pretty dead on. Just add a butterfly chair and flannel pajama pants with cute animals on them and the picture is complete.

I agree with whoever said the producers don’t feed the cast their lines – if they did, it wouldn’t be so atrociously stilted! I say this all with great fascination and love for the show, of course.

I saw a The Hills/The Hills Have Eyes parody somewhere, but it seems like the Pratts are intent on closing that gap completely. Yikes.
28

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict

Posted November 30, 2007 at 9:37 am

It’s completely fucked up that someone stole my online identity. I don’t comment anymore because as far as I’m concerned being harrassed by some sick fucker who gets off on stealing other people’s personas is not worth my time.

MYL, you should take seriously the fact that this person is essentialy victimizing long-time supporters of this sight. I hope you can find a way to ban their IP address, and please retire the whole Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict ID. I won’t be needing it anymore, and I don’t think the fuckweasel that has stolen it should be allowed to continue to take advantage of posters who think they’re dealing with a completely different person.

And for those of you who think this is silly or obnoxious, whoever is doing this to me might very well do it to you. This person is sick, and I can only imagine the kind of shit they pull on people in real life.

Fuck you asshole.
29

mattypopo

Posted November 30, 2007 at 10:20 am

I am so confused. . . who is the real CheeZeeTV. . . ehhh who cares. Both the real and the “fake” one are equally lame. Can TVGasm take blood samples to find out who the real one is? I know teh real one will have traces of meningitis.
You know, the problem with gettinf rid of Justin-Bobby is there goes yet another character I love to hate. Maybe she-pratt will fill the void, but I doubt it. I think LC comes across as haughty and judgemental because she has a persoanlity. Maybe, not a great one but when you are thrust in a group of 2-dim. people then your 3-d personality will stand out. I think the Hills has run it’s course in less they pick up and move to NYC and Lauren can have a whole Mary Tyler Moore thing going on.
30

skippymippydoo

Posted November 30, 2007 at 12:43 pm

Chee-Z: (or whoever the hell you are)
I’m obviously not referring to the time Lauren apologized to Audrina for interferring with her relationship, as my basis for saying she seems like an awful person. I’m talking about ALLLL the other times we see her on camera–treating people she doesn’t really know with no respect (i.e. not even LOOKING Marc Jacobs in the face), refusing to dignify Lo’s conversation with Audrina regarding Justin–a conversation LAUREN had STARTED–by saying “I’m over it” and leaving the room, and just talking to everyone like she is above them….making fun of Whitney, being cutesey with Brody, and even talking down to Jason (he can marry whoever the fuck he wants, it’s not your business! Just be happy he’s not doing blow anymore).

Baddest Bitch: I agree, this season is just awful. I think in general the show isn’t appropriate to the characters anymore. It’s supposed to be about these young, pretty, normal girls trying to make it in their careers and have fun at the same time. However, these girls are mega-celebrities now, and don’t NEED these careers anymore (why they don’t actually work at these places). They’re pretending to have the same lives they did 2 years ago, but they don’t. They weren’t hounded by the paps or in charge of their own clothing lines then. And we couldn’t spoil the whole season by reading what they are up to in Us Weekly back then, either.
31

waternymph

Posted November 30, 2007 at 10:51 pm

I thought this episode was good. Maybe because I’m a Hill’s addict. But yeah this is no fun anymore. The B-Side days were good…

But Ting this was a great re-cap and don’t think it has anything to do with you. I laughed out loud this time.

I’m not sure what to say about Lauren being haughty or not. Even though she comes across that way at times, she might not be that way in real life… I know I get self-conscious around cameras, and that’s just me. But I guess it could affect people in different ways. But maybe she really does think she’s better than most, I don’t know. I don’t know her well enough from watching her on a contrived reality show.

I got my LA fix from this show… I love LA and it’s where my boyfriend’s from. And yeah there are normal, good guys in LA! I’ll be moving there soon so I won’t be needing The Hills anymore…especially not when it’s going down the drain.

The Hills: Don’t Turn Around Now, You’re Not Welcome Anymore

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The Hills: Don’t Turn Around Now, You’re Not Welcome Anymore

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