The Hills: I Can’t Believe It

The Hills

By Ting Lee | Wednesday, September 26, 2007 | 1:31 pm | 42 Comments

This week on The Hills, Audrina still can’t believe anything she hears, Lisa Love Jedi mind-tricks Whitney, and Jason has traded Lauren for a pretty pet snake.

Weddingdress

One day I will have a tiny little Monchichi inside me playing Centipede and spray painting my uterine wall.

For their are-they-or-aren’t-they lunch date today, Jason is wearing a sleeveless T from the Richard Simmons collection. Lauren makes fun of it and mentions she wears all his old clothes to work out. Girl’s still got some complicated feelings, because you don’t wear your ex’s clothes, even to sweat on them. Jason tells her he wants her to meet his girlfriend, and we’re supposed to believe that this is the first our girl is hearing of it since the editors dub in “Girlfriend?!” while filming the back of LC’s head. Come on, MTV. This is getting insulting.

Nevertheless, LC isn’t too thrilled with the idea, especially when Jason tells her she can meet her at the houswarming since they are moving in together. Aren’t you supposed to get a plant first? Lauren gives him the “you’re crazy” face. Wait, why didn’t he mention he was looking for two people when Lauren offered to help him apartment hunt? When Lauren says, “I would loove to meet her,” in her passive aggressive baby voice, we know some shit’s going to hit the diaper.

Holycraplook

Waitress! Who do I gotta bribe for a refill around this dump?

Poolside, Lauren perches on the end of Deadrina’s chaise lounge and tells her about Jason’s girlfriend and the moving in situation. Deadrina “can’t believe it” for a change, but in true good friend form, offers to go with LC to the party. Speaking of parties, are they still going out tonight? HELL YEAH! And Whitney’s coming! Boy do I wanna see Whitney get drunk! Maybe she’ll fall down, or make wierd faces, or contradict herself!

Oh Yay! It’s time for one of those really awkward boss conversations with Lisa Love. We haven’t really gotten to enjoy this all season. She pronounces words like she’s speaking in code. She tells Whitney that she’s going to be in charge of a photo shoot for a band called Red. Jump. Suit. Apparatus. She says it like someone programmed it into the back of her head with a SIM card. I never heard of them so I punched up their website. They sing they same type of music as Jordan Catalano’s band where it starts off as a ballad and then it gears into a hard rock-ish finish with melodic screaming. Lots of pro-tools on the single. So, expect some douchbags. Lisa Love calls them “difficult.” Then she says if there’s a problem, “it’s your problem, it’s no one else’s problem.” Uh, yeah, Lisa, that’s what having a job is. Except Whitney seems a little unclear, so she says she thinks she can handle it. LIsa, the ever-supportive mentor, says “you better handle it” and snickers condescendingly. Whitney says “I guess I have no choice.” Maybe it was better when she had to hold the pin cushion in the rain and get pieces of tape ready. At least she wasn’t responsible for anything.

Nationalsecurity

This is a matter of National Security. Don’t fuck up.

Now we finally get to see the live-action version of the Heidi goes fake shopping for a wedding dress . Did you guys know Jen Bunney was there? I did not, and for those of you who couldn’t believe I didn’t comment on the nose the first time, I have to say, who gets a nose job that makes the nose look bigger? Jen Bunney does. At least we don’t have a full view of her lower nostril area anymore. Mean enough? Hope so. Anyhoo, Heidi asks Jen if she’s excited about her dress which I think is supposed to trick us into thinking Jen is going to be a bridesmaid, but Jen says she’s getting a Vera Wang, so I figure she’s referring to her own someday wedding dress. Ugh. Can’t this show go back to real relationships and actual dialogue? Jen grills Heidi about getting married and if she ever wonders if it’s “not right.” Hahaha. It doesn’t seem like these girls are friends in real life anymore. There’s no gleeful, giddy shouts of “You look so beautiful! Wait ’til Spencer sees you coming down the aisle!” It’s just Jen Bunney leaning against a wall, pulling at her hair, telling Heidi that her friend dated a guy for like five years and they just broke up. Heidi makes a condescending statement about Jen “obviously not being in the right mind frame” and gazes at herself in the mirror. Jen rolls her eyes and turns to the p.a. “Can I get my per diem now? I’m fucking starving.”

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus are staying at the Magic Castle Hotel. (Hold on, wouldn’t the red jumpsuit be part of the apparatus if you were, say, jumping out of a plane? Oh, why quibble, Ting? I’m ornery today, gasmii). A man wearing a cape and holding a wand shows LC and Whitney to the band’s room. The girls have some jeans for the longhairs to try on and as they’re passing out sizes, one of them reveals he’s wearing ladies’ size 8 jeans. This quiets everyone. One dude pipes up, “So what’s goin’ on tonight?” The girls reveal they are going to a bar and invite the band to join them. As the girls pack up the car, Lauren wonders if it is appropriate to go out drinking with the boys. Whitney, handling the problem, doesn’t see why not.

They all meet up at The Dime, which is a notorious douchebag Hollywood bar, and the guys immediately press the girls to do shots. Now do you see why not, Whitney? She kind of does, and mentions she doesn’t know how smart that is since they all have to work in the morning. When LC asks if they’ve ever had redheaded sluts, Ladypants says pointedly “a few, in fact the last one gave me these jeans.” Faced with a night filled with that kind of banter, the girls decide that one shot wouldn’t be so bad. They’re wrong, because whatever the shot is, Deadrina actually has to plug her nose as she drinks it and the other two have to shake it off. Good times. The band invites the girls to another location, but they decline. Um, some people have to work in the morning. Hint, hint, Jumpsuit.

Nowyouknow

Now you know how we feel every time you try to make us swallow the Bustin storyline.

Deadrina is writing in her journal when Lauren wanders into the living room, yawning. Dead snaps the book shut, but not before we glimpse “Mrs. Deadrina Bobby” and “Mrs. D. Justin-Bobby” written in bubble letters over and over again. Deadrina “can’t believe” Lauren got up so early. Come up with something else to say, really, or I’m going to start pretending you aren’t there. LC hopes the band’s not late for the photo shoot. Fingers crossed, sweetheart. Tonight is Jason’s housewarming party. Great, it’s going to be so fun to meet the new girlfriend when you have a hangover. But Lauren says she’s “going to try to be nice to her” and then shrugs. Deadrina “can’t believe” they’re moving in together already.

As Whit and LC pull up to the photo shoot at the Santa Monica airport, Whit says she has a headache and Lauren hopes not to throw up today. Oh, girls. “Where’s the band?” they wonder. The band is still in bed at the hotel with the girl that gets cut in half. More dubbing as the the girls steam clean the clothes for the shoot, though I have to say, Whitney is pretty good at dubbing. I had to watch it a few times to see that we never see her mouth as she says “I hope we don’t get in trouble for keeping them out late” and “maybe they had car trouble.” Uh, if you don’t say anything, no one will know. The dudes finally show up. The girls wear sunglasses and speak slowly. Ladypants refuses to change the jeans he’s wearing because they’re not his, and Whitney tries to convince him by saying “they’re really really small.” “Yes,” he says, “but they’re not girl’s jeans.” Lisa Love is going to rap your knuckles with a ruler. The best part of the scene is when Whitney imitates Lisa Love in a female Darth Vader voice telling her “Whitney, yoo doo not have a future in this business.”

“Speidi Register at The Grove” is a new musical in previews at The Pantages Theater. The orchestra vamps as dancers with “Can I help you?” name tags push carts of china, napkins, candles, towels across the stage in figure eights around Speidi. Spotlight on Heidi. “Are you excited to be registerriiiiing!” Heidi sings. “I’m excited to be registeriiiing!” Spencer sings back. “Glaaaaasses! We neeeeed glaaaaasses!” Heidi sings, swirling and pointing the registering gun on every object she can get her sticky mitts on. “IIII’ve always waaaanted one of theeeessee!” her little voice soars with a purity not heard in her recent nightmare performance at LAX. Spencer puts a hand up. The music stops. “I don’t know what we need from anybody,” he says. “But you’re the oooonnnne whooo aaaasked mmeee to maaarrry you,” sings Heidi. “Aaaand yooou dooon’t seem into thiiis.” As you can guess, most of the audience leaves at intermission. Maybe they’ll take it to Toronto to retool it.

Beastbeast

Beast and the Beast

Poor hung over Lauren drags herself to Jason’s housewarming where she has to meet the new GF, Katja. Katja has a really small head so her eyes look like they are each side like a serpent. Our girl looks corn fed next to her. They meet and say hello. Katja might be lovely, but her serpent head makes her seem bitchy and sneaky. Jason kisses her a million times so Lauren doesn’t feel awkward at all. “How do you like the apartment Jason and I picked out for you?” LC asks her. Katja hisses and slithers away. Everyone’s drinking out of the red plastic cups that the crew provides for all the underage guests. It’s convenient, because when a buddy announces that Jason and Snakehead just got engaged everyone can toast, even the 19-year-olds. LC needs air immediately.

Jason follows her out to the tiny patio and smokes on her. He knows she doesn’t like her, he says. That may be true, but that has nothing to do with the fact that you’re being an idiot, says LC. LC points out that Jason’s only 20, and substituting a child bride for a drug addiction that comes from crippling insecurity is not part of the program. Snake’s have acute sense of hearing, so Katja joins them on the patio and places herself between them. “Congratulations,” says Lauren, using her lower register.

Serpent

Didn’t Harry Potter smoke your ass already? Some villains never die!

Whitney goes in for her spanking the next morning. Lisa Love is one of those creepy bosses who gets a full report of what happened from someone else before she asks you. “You ran the set, you did the call sheet,” Lisa Love says shaking her head “no.” “I tried, yeah,” says Whitney. “I did everythink you asked me to.” “No diva moments?” asks Lisa. Whitney tells her Ladypants wouldn’t change his clothes. Lisa shakes her head no again as she asks Whitney what she did about it. The head shaking must be a psychological trick because suddenly Witney volunteers that they went out the night before with the band. What! NO!!!! Don’t do that! Yeah, it was dumb, but none of Lisa’s business. Of course Lisa is pissed, but we only know that because she repeats the word “respect” three times, not because she changes her facial expression or raises her voice. She basically insinuates that Ladypants wouldn’t do what Whitney said because they went out. Watch the show, Lisa. Ladypants was a douche from the get go. Anyhow, Love tells Whitney she needs to “step it up.” Translation: keep your mouth shut.

Speidi play some more of the wedding story line for the cameras. Spencer actually starts the scene with, “So what did you want to ask me about the wedding?” Heidi wants to know if he’d like a spring or a fall wedding, and Spencer says he thinks they should just go to Tibet. You know, get one of those Tibetan wedding ceremonies you can just buy off the internet? Since we’re a lot like Brad and Angelina. And you know, even though we’re not Buddhists, it wll mean so much to us. Heidi’s not sure their parents want to fly to Tibet. It’s a Spencer trap! He showcases his little Chuckie doll teeth as he asks her why their parents have to be there at all, I mean he hasn’t even told his about the wedding.

Chuckychia

Ch-Ch-Chucky Chia!

Whitney and LC have lunch outside the Teen Vogue offices. Whit says she got her “ass whooped” by Lisa, but the jist is “she just has to do a better job.” Then she focuses in on LC, saying she looks “dazed.” LC tells her about the housewarming turned engagement party. Whitney “can’t believe it!” Jesus H. Christ! You can believe it! Lauren says it was hard to take seriously what with a kegger and a Bob Marley poster on the wall. Thank god it wasn’t her life anymore, because the Conrads would have insisted on cucumber sandwiches, a martini bar, and a pre-nup that included an ankle bracelet for Jason, ensuring the marriage would last less than two weeks.

About

42 Comments

  1. 1
    chickadee2586
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 2:09 pm

    I liked reading this but it seemed a little more bland than normal. I wasn’t falling out of my seat like I normally am.

  2. 2
    murphena
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    I agree that Jason’s fiance is one strange looking chick. Poor Lauren — her ex finally cleans up and instead of running back to her and being a semi-normal boyfriend, he finds someone else. I read in an article that he was “surprised” when Lauren showed up with the MTV crew because she wasn’t invited. And yet, we see him here inviting her… hmm, maybe he’s not quite done with chemical substances.

    I actually can’t wait til next week to see how the Elodie leaving Bolthouse goes. Smart girl. Who would want to work for someone who promotes an idiot like Heidi (who wasn’t even 21 yet and couldn’t legally go into any of the bar venues). But I will miss her.

    And am I the only one in fear of a Speidi Newlyweds show in the offing?

  3. 3
    carol
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 3:47 pm

    Okay, are Spencer and Heidi really engaged? When he asked, it was more like he was asking her to join his cult. And they never really brought it up when they were in Colorado. Speidi just embody everything that is wrong with this celeb-reality culture. That being said, I still watch this show and laugh.

  4. 4
    lloyd dobbler
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 4:47 pm

    Ting Lee!!! Great recap as per yuse:0 I cant believe jason invited lc over for a “housewarming” and suprise its an engagement announcement party. My fave line from the show was LC saying in dread)not justin-boobys inflate a doll, but the actuall word horrified) that could have been me and actually realizing that would have been a BAD thing!

    Fave line from the recap:One day I will have a tiny little Monchichi inside me playing Centipede and spray painting my uterine wall.

    CLASSIC!!!

  5. 5
    ajmcgill
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 4:57 pm

    I think Jason’s girlfriend looks like a guy.

    What is this about Elodie leaving?

    Anne

  6. 6
    grena
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 6:23 pm

    EX- CEL- ENT Ting! That recap was AMAZE-INK!

    LOL. Everytime she replaces -ing with -ink I wonder if I’m the only one who notices.

    SO funny. Great job!

    I’m convinced (besides being convinced a long time ago that Spencer is only around for the camera time) that this Speidi wedding is not going to happen. I don’t think Spencer is going to let it go that far. You could totally see at the table he was wondering how to not call this off, but not be caught at the same time.

    And Jason is so weird. He does stuff like this every season (not like it isn’t funny/ entertaining/ sad). He purposely sets up these situations (with two girls he’s seeing in the same place, while he kisses one in front of the other) because he’s hoping for a catfight/ crying breakdown. If something like that happens then he feels special. Lauren handled it all so well. I was so proud of her at the end when she said she was glad it wasn’t her. I don’t think Jason is the worst person in the world, but he’s not exactly BF of the year material either.

    And by judging by next weeks previews I hope Audrina doesn’t let the anti-Bustin talk bother her to much. I think its good she continue her relationship with him right or wrong. She’s young and has to experience for herself. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes you have to keep your relationships away from your friends. Either because of jealousy or overprotectiveness it just helps everything run more smoothly. I know Lauren and Lo are good friends to Audrina, but I think she should just pretty much ignore their cautious words and not take it personally.

    Great episode and great recap! Hats off!

  7. 7
    BlahBlah
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    Great recap, but I disagree with this->”Girl’s still got some complicated feelings, because you don’t wear your ex’s clothes, even to sweat on them.”

    What better clothes to sweat in than an ex’s? I’m spilling crumbs on my ex’s oversize T-shirt as I type this and my feelings aren’t complicated at all-> I actually care if I stain my own clothes.

  8. 8
    blahblah
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    Hee hee! @
    “Ch-Ch-Chucky Chia!”

    That screenshot is proof that Spencer dies his goatee. What a Mcdouchebag.

  9. 9
    blahblah
    Posted September 26, 2007 at 9:18 pm

    Oops, I meant “dyes his goatee”

  10. 10
    jhaunt
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 5:50 am

    Did anyone watch The Hills aftershow where Heidi said that her and Spencer practically lived with his parents? I find it odd that “practically live with his parents” and they don’t know about the engagement.

  11. 11
    MissKatrina
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 6:14 am

    The Speidi segments are so fake and voice-overed that I can’t tell what’s going on anymore. And the whole “my parents don’t know anything” thing is really weird. Again, total fakeness.

    All I can say is that Spence-tard’s “beard” is so blond and transparent that it’s like a hologram; you turn one way, it’s there, you look from another angle, it’s gone!

    My fave part of the episode was when Whitney playfully said, “I hope I don’t get waaasteeddddd!” Lord, I do! How awesome would that be?! She’d be pulling off her top saying, like, “Woooooo!! Fashion!!”

    Can’t wait to see the Elodie debacle next week!!

  12. 12
    jennm926
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 6:49 am

    Did anyone notice the bad editing in the bridal shop?!

    Heidi was wearing her engagement ring on her *RIGHT* hand. Halfway through the conversation, it was on her left hand, and then at the end, it was back on her right hand.

    I thought maybe they were shooting her in a mirror, until I realized no, that ring’s definitely on her right hand.

  13. 13
    msu11y28
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 7:40 am

    It took my a few minutes to recover from the monchichi growing inside Heidi comment. I LOVE the comparisons of Katja to a snake. What a hideous, classless bitch. I was proud of Lauren for remaining composed and classy throughout that whole situation. I was actually starting to like Jason this season, as he’s been behaving like a human being with a personality. But it was really disrespectful of him to keep Lauren in the dark about the fiancee, and to invite her to that party, knowing full well that is the kind of information she should have been told in private. Finally, WTF was he doing hosting a kegger, like, a week after leaving rehab? Even if he wasn’t drinking (highly doubt)…everyone there including his loving fiance were just big enablers.

  14. 14
    HereKittyKitty
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 8:18 am

    jhaunt, I totally remember that too. It just feels more and more like MTV isn’t giving us the whole story.

    Ting, I kept trying to figure out who Katja looked like the entire week and you just solved it for me: Voldemort.

    Oh and P.S. what kind of friends throw you a party with ALCOHOL when you just got out of REHAB?

  15. 15
    jnoialangley
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 9:30 am

    Great recap. I’m a little disappointed no one has mentioned the fact that it looks like LL got Botox. Anyone else notice?? Also, why wouldn’t Miss Heidi say anything about the fact that Spencer didn’t tell his parents???

  16. 16
    CheeZeeTVAddict
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 9:54 am

    Can anyone tell me what “Beef Curtain” means? Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s disrespectful. How dare Spencer and Heidi spread such an awful (I’m guessing!) rumor?

    I’m glad that LC finally wised up and stopped sticking her nose into her friends’ relationships. I know she means well, but one has to be careful one doesn’t push one’s friends away if one doesn’t like one’s friends’ boyfriends. (Got that? Didn’t think so! TVGasm readers are SOOOO smart, especially YOU, KConrad! Besties forever! Mwa mwa!)

    I think that “The Hills” has outgrown itself. The drama seems even more manfactured and contrived than usual. It was always a guessing game of “Did she really say that?” and “Did this happen before that did?”, but there was always an underlying story that you could sniff out that was worth watching. This season, the only themes that seem real (and that are worth watching for) are the Spencer-hates-Lauren, the Spencer-is-a-douche, and the Heidi-has-no-friends themes.

    Ting, keep up the good work. You’re no B-Side, but you’re okay, I guess.

    Can’t wait to hear from you, alligatorwings!

  17. 17
    msu11y28
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 10:02 am

    CheeZee…it is used to describe a girl whose anatomy is larger/longer than most.

  18. 18
    nyonma
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 10:42 am

    what struck out to me most about this episode, was the uncomfortable walking of lauren and whitney. Did you see the zoom on the 6 inch heels!

  19. 19
    samxx7
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 10:47 am

    This is from b-sides blog on myspace, oh how i love him ! lol ting your doing a great job tho, but i had to add what he wrote about the hills and newport harbor.

    1) The Hills ” it continues to be awesome. I don’t know what was funnier. Whitney’s indifferent rejection of Lauren’s alleged hottie date, or Audrina’s dirty himbo, Justin-Bobby, who seems to be a divine mix of Spencer and J-Wahl. I guess Audy was overdue for a new douchebag boy; although, it’s hard to top that one guy who seemed to get an erection from the giant salad he ordered on his date with her. As for Heidi’s new single, it’s really quite a shame because the song could be good if she, you know, weren’t singing. The instrumentation is all really good and so is the beat. The problem is that she sings like she talks ” which is to say, very annoyingly. I don’t think I even have to comment on Spencer’s meager rap skills. I think you could find better talent at my synagogue’s Purim variety show. Oh, btw, The Hills loses major brownie points for featuring the guys of Twentyfourseven. Bad move. Bad bad move.

    2) Newport Harbor ” is it bad that I loved this show immediately? I was bracing for suckage, but instead, it turned out to be totally addictive, even if I wasn’t always sure about who was who and who wanted to date who. The narrator is waaaaay better than the mousey trainwreck that was Tessa. And the simmering rivalries felt joyfully silly as opposed to the lame made-for-TV scandals from LB3 (most of which were poorly executed by the double-headed skank monster of Kyndra and Cammie). As I watched the show, I could literally hear my recap in my head, and I was absolutely dying not to be able to write anything. I mean, that pudgy, blonde sidekick who looked not unlike Barney Rubble? I COULD HAVE A FIELD DAY. Oh, and let’s not forget that overbearing father whose possessiveness with his daughter seems to be borderline incestuous. UGH. So much good stuff…

  20. 20
    Anonymous
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 11:53 am

    I have no idea who is posing as me, and using my TVgasm identity minus a few punctuation marks – but you’re super-fucked up.

    Especially since you obviously know what you’re doing by using the alligatorwings reference from former Real World recaps.

    I have been out of the TVgasm game due to having contracted meningitis this summer, and have been pretty much out of commission for several months. I also started a business this year, and have been working to keep that going while dealing with health issues.

    Luckily, I am coming through both things OK, and am starting to get back on my feet – although it has been a long and very difficult summer. Suffice it to say, I am white as a ghost and probably won’t see sun until next May.

    I miss all of the great friends I’ve made on the ‘gasm, and have wanted to make contact but have been overwhelmed, and also feel really out of touch. So Tink, Jampony, PekmBoyd, Photochild, and everyone else, I have missed all of you, and apologize for the lack of contact – I hope to start back on the forums again soon, I’m just trying to catch up after many hellish months, and started getting my feet wet again recently by lurking on the recaps.

    To whomever thinks it’s OK to pose as someone else on here, I think your ability to interact on these forums should be revoked.

    And anyone who knows me, knows 3 things: A) I’m not stupid and rarely need any terminology explained to me, B) I always respect and support the efforts of the recappers here, and NEVER criticize them, C) I’m a HUGE K Conrad fan. So whoever is posing as me – you are a pale, pale imitation my dumb friend – and also quite possibly in need of your own identity.

  21. 21
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 11:57 am

    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict:

    #20 is me, the ORIGINAL Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict.

    Login is acting screwy, sorry I’m tired…

  22. 22
    mattypopo
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    No doubt his show has out-growm itself, I think ol’LC had a little moment of clarity like I did last weekend, when she said this in’t fun anymore (though mine came after I ended up at a random house in a random neighberhood at a random party and puking on the side of said house, but I degress.)

    How sad that MTV cannot show people maybe, possibley growing-up on this show. How nice it would be not to see vapid, richy’s abuse and amuse their toys. Oh well, I guess for now, i will have to be content with the dbs. Hell, some shows are better with bad dubbing, i.e. Iron Chef-Japan.

  23. 23
    mo knows
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 12:23 pm

    msu11y28 (#13)- I have to disagree with you, I think Lauren acted horribly at Jason’s party. Yes, I understand that she just realized that her ex got engaged, and she thinks it’s not a good idea b/c he barely knows her, just got out of rehab, etc, but no matter how she felt about it, how horrible to rain on his parade- the guy just got ENGAGED, and instead of just saying congratulations and shutting her mouth, she thinks its okay to tell him he’s stupid, what a big mistake it is, how he barely knows the girl, etc. Again, those are all valid points, but that is a conversation she should have had with him at some other time down the road, not 5 minutes after he gets engaged, when it’s supposed to be such a happy moment. When is she going to realize that it’s not the world according to Lauren, and that other people are allowed to live their lives how they choose and that she should not be butting in everywhere offering her two cents, when it’s not her place. That’s just my beef.
    But very happy to see more Whitney- she’s my favorite- she’s amaz-ink!

  24. 24
    poor, dead shannon
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    holy crap i can’t stop laughing enough to begin reading the recap… that caption on the first screengrab has me peeing my pants!!!

    “One day I will have a tiny little Monchichi inside me playing Centipede and spray painting my uterine wall. ”

    HOLY LOL!!!!

    PDS

  25. 25
    yankeesfan
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    I think Lauren acted as was expected at the party…I honestly can’t believe she went to begin with as she would have had to have known that it would just be awkward no matter what!! She was in love with the guy less than a year ago. I think she acted with composure and that she knows Jason well enough to tell it as it is. No beating around the bush.

    Heidi is looking terrible these days. Her hair is stringy and it almost looks like she has a hairlip or something…kinda squirrel-esque the way her teeth always show.

    I’m SO glad Elodie is leaving Bolthouse…she can do so much better. I’d really like to see Heidi’s job description.

  26. 26
    yankeesfan
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 1:17 pm

    I think Lauren acted as was expected at the party…I honestly can’t believe she went to begin with as she would have had to have known that it would just be awkward no matter what!! She was in love with the guy less than a year ago. I think she acted with composure and that she knows Jason well enough to tell it as it is. No beating around the bush.

    Heidi is looking terrible these days. Her hair is stringy and it almost looks like she has a hairlip or something…kinda squirrel-esque the way her teeth always show.

    I’m SO glad Elodie is leaving Bolthouse…she can do so much better. I’d really like to see Heidi’s job description.

  27. 27
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    OH Ting!

    How friggin funny! I was looking at the screen shot of Katya and thinking “lord, she looks like Voldemort”

    scrolled down to the caption and voila – Validation!

  28. 28
    2 Old 4This
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    Does anyone else think that SpenceTurd is beginning to look more feminine?

    Bearded Lady?

  29. 29
    EZ Rider
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    yankeesfan, re: heidi – Weird things start happening to your hair, teeth and skin when you have an eating disorder. Or do meth. Whichever.

  30. 30
    g the intern
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 4:55 pm

    Speidi is registered for their fake wedding at Tiffany & Co, under registration #1009149. Pretty outrageous requested gifts! Check it out.

  31. 31
    g the intern
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    Speidi is registered for their fake wedding at Tiffany & Co, under registration #1009149. Pretty outrageous requested gifts! Check it out.

  32. 32
    Samxx7
    Posted September 27, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    g the intern -
    i looked on us mag online earlier, and spencer quoted saying thats not them.

    Jason…are you really that dumb to have a party with lots of alcohol as your just leaving rehab? WOW…i mean if i were him, i’d be like yo if you want to come to my house warming party, im sorry but theres no drinking, respectful friends would come jason !! and if no1 showed…then you’d know you’d need a to build a new friend circle..

    i really wish the paps would stop bothering everyone on the show, and spencer and heidi would give up and stop calling them up to fake stage shit. Its ruining the show. i saw that pic of heidi in that wedding dress on perez hiltons site like a month or so ago…let alone the past week seen them on vids and pic all over. i mean i’m all for celeb gossip, but now its ruining the show and making it pretty boring.

    just think if sites didn’t say how jason was engaged like a month ago how excited and suprised we’d be for an epi to come with coming attractions like that…now im just bored, bc every epi i’m like…well i knew this happened and i saw some pics of this happening…ughhh i love the show, but its lost the thunder it once had

  33. 33
    heehaw
    Posted September 28, 2007 at 4:00 am

    CheeZeeTVAddict

    beef curtains = too much meat between the seat.
    this rumour (must be the truth) came from “jason, brody, and stephen, then relayed to spencer.
    spencer then spouted out to the world in interviews and his website the awful truth.

    maybe this is why the jason-lauren porno film has never surfaced? the evidence has been destroyed.

  34. 34
    SkipToMyLu
    Posted September 28, 2007 at 11:20 am

    Lauren looked so sad about Jason and his new love, did she think they were going to get back together or something? Last episode (I think), you could tell she lingered in Jason’s car for a good night kiss. Seemed a little dissapointed she didn’t get one.

    Also, I just want to ask if anyone has noticed how FLAT Laurens tounge is. I know, weird of me to even notice, but it’s bothersome.

    And didn’t Spencer make a comment in Entertainment Weekly about how him and Heidi weren’t engaged, and how he couldn’t wait to see how MTV would spin that ‘engagement’? How is he going to explain the wedding dress and all the talk of getting married?

  35. 35
    sheiney
    Posted September 30, 2007 at 10:00 am

    heehaw:
    you must either be Spencer, or know Spencer. Anyone that has half a brain knows that in this day and age of tabloids the tape would have surfaced. Besides, Lauren has had cameras following her since the days of LB. Do you really think that MTV would have turned down such great tv? Jason doesn’t even know/talk to the other people that you mentioned in your comment. Spencer is just a used douche bag, and is mad because Lauren can see right through him. The best way to get a girl back is to attack her appearance and/or character- and he has done both. At least Lauren has been mature enough to rise above it all, but Spencer and Heidi need to keep talking about her and spreading rumors to squeeze out their last 15 minutes of fame. I wonder what sort of desperate measures they’ll turn to, once Lauren decides that she’s been their meal ticket for far too long and doesn’t keep the show going. She has magazine covers, a cosmetics deal- that is featured in all magazines, a clothing line, and goes on talk shows like Regis and Kelly and Tyra…what are Spencer and Heidi doing again? Oh yeah, being desperate.

  36. 36
    missriss2620
    Posted September 30, 2007 at 11:33 am

    Sheiny,
    I agree with your comment except for the part about Jason not knowing any of the people mentioned. He knows Stephan, they went to high school together.

    Speidi sucks. They deserve each other, they are both self centered asshats. And I bet they don’t get married unless they are offered a TV show covering it. If The Hills doesn’t come back for a 4TH season, Speidi will probably get a spin off. Just the thought makes me vomit.

  37. 37
    kimbeey
    Posted September 30, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    You know i was thinking the exact same thing about there being a newlywed show for the speidis. Think about it, everyone hates spencer right now because of all the nonsense that he has pulled just to get in the show as well to stay in it . Such public hatred will land him in the tabloids since everyone is just waiting to see when he screws heidi over . MTV is smart ……keeping those two idiot in the hills keeps u hating them even more but at the same time wanting to view them …its like a sick guilty pleasure . This would encourage the making of more reality shows for you to watch and lift their ratings

  38. 38
    Nacho Mama
    Posted October 1, 2007 at 2:37 pm

    In the episode where they were SUPPOSEDLY registering, they’re in Crate & Barrel. I searched for their registry but nothing, unless they did it under someone else’s name….? Why would they be scanning in items otherwise?

    Oh yeah, they’re stupid.

    I was kinda wishing Lauren and Jason were getting back together…. :( I agree, he is a changed man, sort of. HE talks, that’s a start…

  39. 39
    Nacho Mama
    Posted October 1, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    In the episode where they were SUPPOSEDLY registering, they’re in Crate & Barrel. I searched for their registry but nothing, unless they did it under someone else’s name….? Why would they be scanning in items otherwise?

    Oh yeah, they’re stupid.

    I was kinda wishing Lauren and Jason were getting back together…. :( I agree, he is a changed man, sort of. HE talks, that’s a start…

  40. 40
    Nacho Mama
    Posted October 1, 2007 at 2:39 pm

    In the episode where they were SUPPOSEDLY registering, they’re in Crate & Barrel. I searched for their registry but nothing, unless they did it under someone else’s name….? Why would they be scanning in items otherwise?

    Oh yeah, they’re stupid.

    I was kinda wishing Lauren and Jason were getting back together…. :( I agree, he is a changed man, sort of. HE talks, that’s a start…

  41. 41
    grena
    Posted October 1, 2007 at 4:30 pm

    Not me. Those two make me sick. I would purposely not watch a spin off of Speidi.

    For example: one of the magazines this week had Heidi on it. If Lauren had been on it I would have gotten it. It had good articles inside and I probably would have bought it, but since Heidi was on it. I put it back on the rack. I don’t want to support that evil chick.

    However, the people at Avon know what they’re doing because I checked out some of their makeup because Lauren was endorsing it. And I actually really like it. It’s this ‘hook up’ make up thing where you can snap different make up together. (cheesy, I know…I’m a little ashamed but I wear that makeup everyday now.)

  42. 42
    luna
    Posted October 2, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    heehaw, Jason was on the radio a while back and denied that he said anything about the sex tape/”beef curtains” comment. He said that there was never a sex tape and that he had never even met Spencer.

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