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Thursday, August 16, 2007
11:35 am
80 Comments
Starter Wife Heidi and The Monchichi have lunch together. How could Lauren call her brainwashed? Just because she had a bad relationship doesn’t give her the right to suggest Speidi does! I mean there’s no comparison! Spencer cruises the street, tuning her out. After he orders her a salad, dressing on the side, and a very small amount of sweet potato fries, Heidi asks permission to paint the walls of their new home the color that represents both optimism and cowardice, light yellow. Monchichi buzzes her out for choosing the wrong answer. It looks like an internal alarm sounds in Heidi’s head, but instead of flipping the table and running for freedom, she opens her mouth so Spence can put a Xanax on her tongue. Welcome to The Valley of The Hills!
Over at the Hillside Villas, we watch Deadrina prepare for a date with her recent makeout Justin, the dude who once took her to Vegas and then abandoned her when she refused to go to a strip club with him. Lauren gasps when she realizes it’s THAT GUY, but Audrina is more circumspect. It was two years ago, before she became an emancipated woman! (According to the Oxford English Dictionary: Emancipated Woman, sgl. n. A woman who can totally go on a date where there’s expensive naked chicks and have fun without feeling demoralized.) Uh oh. Audrina, you know that Lauren doesn’t like it when her friends date douchebags! You’re about three episodes away from being shady and conniving.
Audrina assures LC she’s not going to be eyeing her from the sideview mirror of a UHaul anytime soon, but Lauren looks down at the kitten she’s petting like she doesn’t believe it and whispers “You’re my BEST FRIEND” in it’s ear. The cat doesn’t answer back. It’s too busy working the shit out of the smallest tennis sweater ever. That cat is so getting gay bashed if it’s ever let out on the street. Audrina makes plans to meet up with Lauren and Lo (she’s back!) later at Forty Deuce, which is not a strip club because the dancers wear tassels. One step at a time.
What’d this poor cat ever do to you?
Time for a pop quiz:
A) Heidi, after a fun day of unbelievable finds, comes home to find that Spencer has made her dinner and painted all the living room walls with primer so once they decide on a color they both like, they’re ready to go. “Primer?” asks a delighted Heidi. “This place is going to be so sophisticated! Just like us.”
B) Heidi, after a hard day of trying to buy a new sense of self, comes home to find that Spencer paid some taggers to spray paint the word “Hollywood” subway-style on the wall above the couch. “You said we needed to get some art,” says a disingenuous Spencer. “It’s a gift!”
Tagger code for: RUUUUUN!!!!
Undeterred by Heidi’s lack of enthusiasm, Spencer assures her he has more gifts and surprises in store for her this weekend, starting with a romantic getaway to Santa Barbara. Shhhh. Don’t tell Heidi, but while they’re gone, Spencer has arranged for a group of real homeless people to come in, break all the windows, smoke crack, and leave empty vials and/or sundries on the floor.
Deadrina, wearing a dress that looks like a tall kitchen garbage bag, heads to Cobras and Matadors to meet Justin, who appears to be a postmodern French poet/painter. Who likes strippers. It’s not quite a beret and it’s not quite a snood that he’s wearing, but it definitely makes him seem mysterious. Is he homeless or so rich shopping bores him? His teeth are almost as over-bleached as hers are. If they ever get married, I hope there’s a black light at the reception. To add to the allure, he pretends he can’t decipher the menu. They probably don’t have papas fritas in France. Or high school Latin. Semper Ubi Sub Ubi, Justin.
Wow. The Monica Lewinsky look is back. God help us.
Lauren and Lo play competitve online Soduko while waiting for Audrina to come home. Brains abuzz, they discuss second chances and whether people can change. Lauren, having one of those kundalini moments that makes us all love her, says, “I think that everyone can change if the right person comes along, and I think every girl wants to be the right person.” Meet you at Agape on Sunday, LC! Lo The Killjoy wonders why they can’t just pick someone who’s good already. Future Buddhist Nun LC explains that girls only feel special if they win, and nice guys are boring. And besides, there would be no TV show without shitty boys.
At Snakes and Bullfighters, Audrina cuts and feeds food to Justin since they don’t have utensils in France. Quill pens and paintbrushes don’t count. He uses his thumb to wipe crumbs from her face which means, “I like how much you’ve been working out,” in French culture.
After a chanting session, Lo and Lauren prepare for Audrina’s post-game arrival by drinking Red Bull. Lo wants to know what her date’s name is again. Lauren says his name is Justin, but he wants to change it to Bobby. They think they’ll call him Justin-Bobby which really is hilarious, although not as funny as Jobby or Bustin (or even Jubby or Bostin), but hey, Red Bull fucks you up.
The kids come home. Hopped up Lo whispers “we have to be nicer” as the lovers enter the temple. She forgets her own rule, and immediately questions Justin about the name change and if it’s okay if they call him Justin-Bobby. He has trouble with the translation so he tells her she can go fuck herself. He’s just here to abandon Audrina at a burlesque club. He excuses himself to Aud’s room in a voice that sounds as non-plussed and sexy as Johnny Depp’s circa 1987. (21 Sauter Par-dessus Rue?) Lo asks the Buddha if it’s okay to make fun of someone’s identity in an effort to make them feel comfortable.
After Audrina and Justin have a tete-a-tete, she tells the girls that Justin is a sensitive artist and they hurt his identity. So she hopes they understand that she and he are going to watch (almost) naked girls right now and you two can come later but I hope you don’t and so does he. She glances at Justin who is playing with the kitten and then mouths, “The French have no sense of humor.” Lo and Lauren totally get it, so they wish them safe driving and remind Bobby to at least call Audrina a cab when he wants her to leave. “A cab!” he jokes to Audrina, slapping her ass. As Aud trails him out of the apartment, she mouths over her shoulder, “See what I mean?”
The next morning, Lauren cooks eggs for her hopefully-bucking-the-trend BEST FRIEND. Aud tells her she thinks Justin has changed since 2 years ago, I mean, first of all, he drove her home, and also although he has disdain for all people, she talked to him off camera and told him LC is the star of the show so he’d like to get to know her better since they’re BEST FRIENDS. Ironically, Audrina is not ironically rocking an ironic old school t-shirt that says “Little Miss Bossy.” Lauren says he sounds wonderful and she totally trusts her BEST FRIEND’s judgement, or if not, encourages her to have fun. Audrina says maybe Bustin has a friend in his squat that they could double date with. LC reminds her that they have different tastes in men. She likes over-privileged emotionally-distant pretty boys and Aud likes emotionally distant pretty boys with questionable backgrounds. The same, they laugh, but different.
Spencer and Brody drive to the mall, rehearsing lines from an unauthorized secret version of John Hughes’ comeback movie about two douchebags who live off of other people’s connections. They’re hoping their curiously un-exposed benefactor they holla’d at in the Maxim interview can wrangle both of them auditions. And scene. Spence tells Brody he wants him to be his best man. Best man for what asks Brody, rolling a joint on a cd case and method acting all at the same time. Spence says he’s going to pop the question tomorrow. What are you talking about getting married? says Brody. Spencer breaks and can’t continue with the dialogue. Brody chides him that he can’t say “married” with a straight face. Matt and Ben they are not.
Fourth wall broken, Spencer insists he can at least get engaged for reals. Brody tries to drop science on his homey that he ain’t ready and don’t get Heidi’s hopes up, but brothaman is sick with love and the perfect flawlessness that is Speidi that he can’t listen or hear. He’s got to borrow Brody’s credit card for at least a hundred thousand dollars to buy a ring, but then I replayed it and maybe he said a hundred to a thousand dollars. Brody refuses, saying his father didn’t run and jump and throw heavy objects for two days so Spence could fake a life for MTV.
Deadrina goes to a local high school and gives a speech to 11th and 12th grade girls about empowerment. “I’m dating this guy that my friend doesn’t like because he left me in Vegas without a ride while he did blow and went to strip clubs, but you can’t listen to other people’s opinions about your life. You have to live your life for yourself and learn the hard way. I can’t listen to people’s cautions and besides I’ve been single for 3 or 4 years and I want a boyfriend. If you’re 18, register to vote at The Hills table set up outside the caf.”
Spencer and Brody roll up on Brentwood Gardens, a luxury outdoor mall. Spence thought he remembered a Tiffany & Co. there, or at least a Zales, but the directory’s only jewelry store listing is Ice Accessories. Gas is expensive, yo, so let’s do this thing. Ice sells purses and scarves and jewelry, but she doesn’t pierce ears. Leave that to Claire, her loud, ugly stepsister. Spence asks the sales associate to show him the most high end bling while Brody tries on alligator skin headbands. He picks one of the four 18 carat rings they have and buys it. He’s excited because it looks like something J Lo or Kobe would wear (both excellent marital role models). Spence wants to GPS the ring, so in case Heidi escapes, he’ll be able to track her. Since engagement rings are supposed to cost two weeks salary, I think he spent his allowance from Grandma Pratt, about 500-700 dollars. It hurts, but Heidi’s worth every penny. Spence thanks the associate for being a great “uh, helper.” Wait, what are white people with minimum wage jobs called? Brody makes up a song as they leave called, “You have officially lost your mind!” It only has one lyric, but it moves me.
Thanks for…working?
Lauren drives home to Laguna to visit her mom, whose Mom Goodness exudes through the TV screen . She cuts the center out of tomato slices for Lauren since that’s how she likes them. Mom wants to know if LC is doing okay, and even though she’s already said it a million times, she wants to apologize again for passing down certain physical traits. Mom’s worried about LC getting “hardened” by life, and tells her she can always just live at home for the rest of her life and she’ll never have to eat a tomato seed again. LC, still trying to figure out an upside to all of this, thinks Hollywood just brings out the bad in people. Mama wants to make sure her little girl knows that L. A. is the only bad people place in the world. I mean, all the folks in Newport, Malibu, Mykonos, Turks and Caicos, even the villagers in Dharampur that your father and I distribute free eye glasses to, are just lovely, lovely people. Well, those people are not on my show, counters Lauren. Well, of course not, says Mrs. Conrad. Most of those people already have money.
On the sand near Grandma Pratt’s beach house, Speidi finally have a moment to themselves to express their most intimate feelings. No house to pretend to decorate together, no friends to convince of their sincerity, just the two of them and a film crew. Spence tells Heidi she’s pretty much the most amazing person and every day when he wakes up, the first thing he does is check her pulse to make sure he didn’t over-medicate her. That’s how much he loves her. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so I got you a ring at an accessories chain store that doesn’t even have jewelry boxes so don’t get too excited because I’m not really serious and wear it on any finger you want because I have no idea, but wear it so I know where you are at all times.” Heidi thinks he’s the most everything person in the whole world. It’s hard to think of adjectives sometimes when someone asks you not to be their wife.
At the Conrad homestead, Mom tells Lauren that most people are good, just not anyone she knows right now, besides maybe that klutz Whitney. The point is, she doesn’t want her to have trust issues. LC rolls her eyes. Lauren asks if Dad’s around because he doesn’t bullshit her. “He’s at work right now, I think,” says Mama. She encourages her child to make the most of her time in the officecloset, and focus on her goals. Lauren stands alone on the balcony her dad built, contemplating the Pacific. Audrina cruises the PCH on the back of a motorcycle driven by the mysterious Jubby. Speidi wrap themselves in a blanket and celebrate their everythingness.
80 Comments
Monchichi! LOL
I’m officially on the Ting Lee bandwagon
Nice Job. I was laughing so hard, my mascara ran down my checks and made me look freaky and scared my dog.
Nice Job. I was laughing so hard, my mascara ran down my checks and made me look freaky and scared my dog.
Oh my God!!!! LOL! I was cracking up through the majority of this recap. It was hilarious. Keep up the funny!
I liked this recap too, definately the made up stuff was hilarious. My only suggestion is to keep the “made up” stuff, but also put what really happened in the re-cap. Not that we need an intense play by play, but integrating the “fake scenes” with the real ones may make it funnier. For example, the mention of the Audrina H.S. empowerment speech was funny, but think it could have been introduced by introducing the actual scene in the episode. Tell what she said, and then go into how ridiculous it is and the sarcasm… just my two cents.
Overall, I think it was a better recap. Keep it coming!
(P.S. are you going to do Newport Harbor as well?)
Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. Not to mention hilarious.
I didn’t like the made-up stuff at all.
This recap for me read like a fact-sheet. “This happened. And then, this happened. After that, other things happened.”
But…I liked the first page? It’s a start.
“Spence tells Heidi she’s pretty much the most amazing person and every day when he wakes up, the first thing he does is check her pulse to make sure he didn’t over-medicate her.” LOL, ha ha ha. I also liked the Xanax mention on the first page… Too funny.
* okay, like I totally have the little miss bossy shirt Audrina had on! Im psyched!! (lame I know
)
At the end of the 2nd show I remember sitting there thinking what the hell? I haven’t watched any MTV shows in a while and have to get re-accustomed to “not anything actually happening” in the show.
Why isn’t anyone talking about Jason and LC getting back together?
Granted, I’ll give you the Spencer prob made up the rumors- but why is it okay for LC to be with a jackass but not Heidi???
I missed last night’s episode, and I thought this recap would fill me in, but I could barely follow any of it. Ting would do well to follow oboedm’s advice (Comment #5).
I never thought I’d say this, but I (almost) miss L-Con.
Tres bon! I liked the recap — it’s a different style than we’re used to here in Hills world, but I liked it. I’ll even retract my ire at the last one.
Heidi’s first song- supposidly not supposed to have been released…. it’s actally not toooo bad
http://ryan.kiisfm.com/cc-common/mediaplayer/player.html?redir=yes&mps=kiisfm.php&mid=http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/18227/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/18227/podcast/LOSANGELES-CA/KIIS-FM/HEIDIPREMIRERE.mp3?CPROG=PCAST&CPROG=RICHMEDIA&MARKET=LOSANGELES-CA&NG_FORMAT=personality&NG_ID=RYAN1027IP&OR_NEWSFORMAT=&OWNER=&SERVER_NAME=ryan.kiisfm.com&SITE_ID=3108&STATION_ID=RYAN-IP&TRACK=
(or go to the perez hilton page)
Heidi’s first song- supposidly not supposed to have been released…. it’s actally not toooo bad
http://ryan.kiisfm.com/cc-common/mediaplayer/player.html?redir=yes&mps=kiisfm.php&mid=http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/18227/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/18227/podcast/LOSANGELES-CA/KIIS-FM/HEIDIPREMIRERE.mp3?CPROG=PCAST&CPROG=RICHMEDIA&MARKET=LOSANGELES-CA&NG_FORMAT=personality&NG_ID=RYAN1027IP&OR_NEWSFORMAT=&OWNER=&SERVER_NAME=ryan.kiisfm.com&SITE_ID=3108&STATION_ID=RYAN-IP&TRACK=
(or go to the perez hilton page)
I have to say I didn’t like this recap, either. I guess I’d rather have the play-by-play details of what really happened with humor and jokes based on those.
LOL
Speidi haters (all 5 million of you) NEED to check out Heidi’s single…. SPENCER RAPS.
AHAHHA. My ears.
LC and Jason aren’t getting back together, i’m pretty sure they’re just going to be friends. Because in the previews it shows that she’s out dating other guys. Plus, Jason has a girlfriend already. I’m pretty sure LC and Jason are going to stay friends only
and yes, I heard Spencer ‘rap’ on Heidi’s song. What a douche. He HAD to be in her song.
Great Recap TL!! Thanks!!
That song is hellabad!!!!! And Spence’s rap was CRAP!!!
Heidi’s song is lame. It’s not something that would send me running out of the club, but the fact that she can’t sing (and the track was HEAVILY produced) along with the fact that all they did was take a cool YAZ song, put some drum beats over it and add a weak ass rap from the Monchichi (i LOVE that) makes it a cheap rip off. Nothing creative or new and not a showcase of any real talent.
As for this episode…I can’t believe that Monchi let the cameras watch him buy that piece of crap ring. I can’t believe that Audrina wants to hang out with an obvious wannabe rockstar looking for some face time on TV. And I can’t believe that Lauren tortured that poor kitten with that stupid sweater. Lo is lookin’ good though.
I wasn’t crazy about the recap style either. I’m so sorry Ting- I loved your first recap and totally disagreed with how tough everyone was being on you! It was very smart and witty.
The thing about these made up scenarios is they sort of take away from how ridiculous the show is all by itself. The beauty of the Hills is that there is already so much to make fun of and comment on without having to look very far
There were so many parts of the show that were priceless(Lo and Lauren’s actual encounter with Justin Bobby) and I kept thinking- I can’t wait to see what they say about this in the recap and I think that’s what most people look fwd to… Just my 2 cents.
I think Ting is showing a lot of potential, so people should be nice!
As for Heidi’s song, it doesn’t prove that she has any talent, it just proves that they ran her voice through a machine.
I also loved it when Heidi saw the “art” on the wall. She had to be crapping her pants for about the 1000th time, asking herself what she had gotten herself into with Spencer McDouche!
Good recap, Ting. A little more cerebral, but I enjoyed it thoroughly.
The fact that Pency proposed to Heiho on the beach with 50 cameras around (seriously, did you see all the different angles they got?) just makes this whole thing all the more nauseating to me. I was holding out for a hero, (holding out for a hero till the end of the night….)But you guys knew the whole time he was a ZERO. Boo Spence. BCF.
(Beef Curtains Forever)
wtf? the first recap was pretty good, but this one was all over the place. the made up stuff was not only a distraction, but not they werent funny either…
Thoughts:
1. Justin-Bobby…WTF? That’s all I gotta say….and just leave it as that. WTF on so many levels
2. The “Hollywood” grafitti…also a WTF moment. Heidi OBVIOUSLY hated it! The combination of Spencer being so dense and Heidi being so passive makes for a PERFECT marriage. I am very, very, very scared for her. Oh what am I saying…they wont make to to the aisle (I hope)
3. Even though Justin Bobby has WTF written all over him, Lauren needs to back off a little. Sure he’s a tool but at least he wants to make an effort to get to know Lauren, and visited their apartment. Which is more than I can say for Spencer at this point, so maybe she should back off a little. She’s starting to give off a bad vibe (hating all her roomie’s BF’s)—which BTW might give some people the wrong impression of her. I’m not saying she isn’t RIGHT about these douchebags, but she just needs to chill.
This is a very smart recap! Love your references…very clever. I would think though it would be harder to follow if you didn’t watch the show. One of my favorite lines: “Nice engagement rings are supposed to cost two weeks salary, I think he spent his allowance from Grandma Pratt, about 500-700 dollars. It hurts, but Heidi’s worth every penny.”
Just listened to Heidi’s song. It uses a good song by Yaz otherwise it would be totally generic.
I have to agree with the notion that this show is so obnoxious that it is almost impossible for fictional accounts to make them more of a raving band of assclowns. Several times during this “reality” show I had to turn away from the TV. What took place on this show is crap me and my friends wish people we know actually did (and this is after 12 beers, a bong rip for effect, and a California burrito at 3 am.)
The tags on Toothy McCockmouth’s condo was ridiculous. If I walked into an apartment that had that crap on the wall I would immediately call the police and report vandals in the area with really bad taste. And the ring. . .? I am pretty low class. I like Miller High Life and think Beef Curtains is a hilarious nickname, but I wouldn’t wear that ring as part of a sexy transvestite pirate costume let alone give to a girl that has enough compassion to pork me on a regular basis. And anyone notice the irony of Vapidrina’s boyfriends beret? They were in a French restaurant, he in a beret, and yet he knows not a thing about French food. Actually, the irony was so thick it was suffocating ($pencer’s contribution of the dollar sign to the all when the guy’s net worth is 0-personally and metaphorically.) This episode was so over the top it answers the question that the Hills definitely scripts life. Dump this bullshit.
popo….you just made me drool on the keyboard mentioning CALIFORNIA BURRITO…..mmmm….eveverytime I go to Cali that’s number one on my list of things to eat. In-n-Out WAS number 1 before I discovered the 3AM burrito goodness
OK OK OK last post, I promise
I just heard Heidi’s song ….please don’t hate me but IT’S ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD! I wanted to hate it, but didn’t.
Oh but Spencer still totally sucks…
But, now Perez Hilton posted that Heidi’s reps contacted him and said the song was not meant to be released, it’s NOT a single, and they were just messing around in the studio. Whatev’s…the damage is done!
Supposedly Heidi’s devestated…I wonder if they are doing some backtracking since everyone seems to be laughing about it.
Yes, anniedawg, the In & Out is always a classic, but sadly they are churchgoing folk and don’t feel the need to feed me in my time of greatest need. Thus, I must find the yellow lit meca that is Romero’s (or Roberto’s or Albeirtos, or etc. . . )
I don’t know if I want to hear Plastic Fantastic’s song. It can only be not that bad at it’s best. I can only see her life ending up like a very very poor man’s and a very very white Tina Turner. Toothy McCockmouth being Ike Turner of course and a very very poor and white version of taht as well.
That “art” Spencer “commissioned” was absolutely the most tacky, horrifying thing I have ever seen. Ugh.
I just caught the end of the 2nd episode and thought the conversation between Lauren and her mother was very sweet. Mrs. Conrad’s advice was sound and comforting. The only advice I ever got when I was in college was just graduate already and get your ass in gear or I will put my foot in it.
ok, omj75 (#32) I have to disagree with you. Kathy Conrad’s advise may have come in the guise of a concerned mother looking out for her newly independent daughter making her way in the world, but what I saw was a desperate plea to please not pull the plug on the reality show that we have pushed you into and that makes us (quasi) celebrities to our friends here in Laguna. Please. You know after the Laguna Beach show Daddy Conrad made a sweet deal with MTV to have his daughter exploited for a few more seasons just to get some sort of fame out of it. So I don’t think it’s comforting at all that her daughter comes home all upset about being called horrible nicknames on the internet for all the country to see and instead of sympathizing, K Conrad basically tells her to suck it up and get back to being the cashcow for the family.
Nah (mo_knows) I didn’t see that at all. Wasn’t LC’s family already loaded before MTV and the cameras came along? I think Kathy was like any other mom- you made the decision to move to LA and work for Vogue, so deal with it. People are cut throat (i guess esp LA?) and you gotta do what you gotta do.
Re: #33. I am surprised that you saw it that way Mo_Knows, but everybody is entitled to their opinion. I thought the fact that Mrs. Conrad emphasized that Lauren concentrate on school, her internship and spending time with her true friends was real squared away parenting. Agree to disagree I guess. Hopefully the great recaps will continue so we will have something to debate.
I think the worst part about the first 2 episodes is how in the last segment they try to fit what’s going on to poular music in the background (“Umbrella” and “Big Girl’s Don’t Cry”). When really, what’s happening to Lauren and Heidi has NOTHING to do with those songs.
Recaps are funny, especially some of the references you bring in (her older cousin Claire…haha).
I can’t see this show lasting after this season. Lauren is kind of a Debbie Downer. Even the intro credits are kind of slow, all each of them do is open their jaws really wide with that look of “shock and disbelief.”
Sorry I know I’m kind of ragging on the show but I will admit, I’ll still watch every episode.
Good recap, and i’m very excited at how fast they’re popping up.
I agree that the made-up stuff was a bit much in the recap.
I would think that it would be even easier to make fun of the things that really did happen as opposed to making up new scenarios.
You’ll catch your stride though, once you get used to doing this (and once you get used to the fact that no matter what you write half of us will love it and half will hate it)
Even B-Side had his critics though.
Good recap, and i’m very excited at how fast they’re popping up.
I agree that the made-up stuff was a bit much in the recap.
I would think that it would be even easier to make fun of the things that really did happen as opposed to making up new scenarios.
You’ll catch your stride though, once you get used to doing this (and once you get used to the fact that no matter what you write half of us will love it and half will hate it)
Even B-Side had his critics though.
The funniest part for me was when Audrina and Bustin were leaving for 40Deuce and there was an 87-second awkward silence while Lauren tried to comprehend what happened.
She did the human version of the hourglass on your computer screen!
so i finally listened to the leaked song by heidi, and as much as i hate her and him, aghhhhh i love it so, please someone shoot me. his rappin def out of the song lol but ekkkk i can’t believe i even said that. i’m just going to imagine its someone else singing. her singing is just average tho, no real amazing talent there, but its better than my voice atleast
This was not quite my idea of a recap. It seems more like a night at the Improv recap. But I like the fact that it’s different. Pat yourself on the back Ting.
I actually like Speidi’s song. The weird thing is that I almost feel bad about liking it as much as I do. And I think I would like it better if I didn’t know it was Speidi as the artist (for lack of a better word).
This was not quite my idea of a recap. It seems more like a night at the Improv recap. But I like the fact that it’s different. Pat yourself on the back Ting.
I actually like Speidi’s song. The weird thing is that I almost feel bad about liking it as much as I do. And I think I would like it better if I didn’t know it was Speidi as the artist (for lack of a better word).
This was not quite my idea of a recap. It seems more like a night at the Improv recap. But I like the fact that it’s different. Pat yourself on the back Ting.
I actually like Speidi’s song. The weird thing is that I almost feel bad about liking it as much as I do. And I think I would like it better if I didn’t know it was Speidi as the artist (for lack of a better word).
MONCHICHI—LMAO
Ting I must admit, you totally redeemed yourself with that recap. It was almost like someone else wrote it. I have faith that the recaps will keep getting better and better. KUDOS to you m’dear, kudos’ to you.
even though her friends *do* seem to have crappy taste in guys, lauren needs to back off a bit. who died and made her the authority on date-worthiness? especially when it looks like she’s gonna keep interacting with j-whole later on in the season.
i would think that after the big falling out with heidi, that lauren would mind her own business a little more when it comes to other people’s relationships. but from the previews, it looks like audrina’s gonna get the same lectures and ultimatums from her roomy that heidi got.
funniest moment in the show was heidi’s sassy reaction to the “artwork” in the apartment:
beavis: “i have a surprise for you.”
heidi: “you have white paint coming tomorrow?”
LMAO. looks like spencer may have to up heidi’s xanax dose to ensure that she remains in a state of total submission.
Wow. That ring is so UGLY. It looks like a piece of cheap costume jewelry. Gentlemen of the world: when you are going to propose to your girlfriend, go to a PROPER jeweller (that sells a higher karat of jewelry than just 18) and DON’T just buy the first ring you spot, especially if it looks like it’s from a children’s jewelry set.
Spencer (or Toothy McDouche, as someone appropriately named him) is such a tool. Hasn’t Heidi SEEN the show and realized what a douchebag that idiot is? Obviously, the brainwashing process is complete.
And that “paint job”? TACKY. Nothing screams “I am whoring myself out to MTV to become famous!!!” than having someone write “HOLLYWOOD” on your wall. Then adding classy money symbols. In hopes that people will realize how cool you are and how you are obviously “in” the Hollywood scene. Bonehead.
Wow. That ring is so UGLY. It looks like a piece of cheap costume jewelry. Gentlemen of the world: when you are going to propose to your girlfriend, go to a PROPER jeweller (that sells a higher karat of jewelry than just 18) and DON’T just buy the first ring you spot, especially if it looks like it’s from a children’s jewelry set.
Spencer (or Toothy McDouche, as someone appropriately named him) is such a tool. Hasn’t Heidi SEEN the show and realized what a douchebag that idiot is? Obviously, the brainwashing process is complete.
And that “paint job”? TACKY. Nothing screams “I am whoring myself out to MTV to become famous!!!” than having someone write “HOLLYWOOD” on your wall. Then adding classy money symbols. In hopes that people will realize how cool you are and how you are obviously “in” the Hollywood scene. Bonehead.
Brilliant recap,Ting. My dog is very concerned for me with how hard I’ve been laughing.
One of my fav parts of the episode was that Toothy McDouche (the only name I will ever refer to him as ever again, so brilliant) thought that light yellow was the worst color ever, but thinks that it’s okay to graffiti the apartment. It is an apartment, yes? How happy that landlord must be… Honestly, I can’t even look at the guy anymore. Or listen to him. He looks and talks so ridiculously it makes me want to cry a little bit.
This is what the two morons are saying about their song:
http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/17/donkeys_lying_about_song.php
but…..in an article about Heidi and Spencer in one of the issues of In Touch Weekly, he says about Heidi’s new single: ‘We may be leaking it on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show’
(you can see that on http://www.pinkisthenewblog.com)
These two are really bunch of idiots. They really think they’re so smart. They can’t even lie right!
This is what the two morons are saying about their song:
http://socialitelife.com/2007/08/17/donkeys_lying_about_song.php
but…..in an article about Heidi and Spencer in one of the issues of In Touch Weekly, he says about Heidi’s new single: ‘We may be leaking it on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show’
(you can see that on http://www.pinkisthenewblog.com)
These two are really bunch of idiots. They really think they’re so smart. They can’t even lie right!
I thought this recap was funny ONLY because I had seen the ep and knew what really happened. If I hadnt seen it I would not know what the hell you were talking about! It did make me laugh though.
As Hurricane Dean is about to pass below Puerto Rican grounds in a few hours, I felt it was my duty to make a reappeareance.
First, I need to say what I’ve been holding on for this past months: “HE’S A SUCKY PERSON!!!!”. Now I can have peace.
Also, may B-Side and J-Unit be enjoying some nice piña coladas somewhere in the world. May the Curse of Don Antonio’s be broken by now and hopefully may J-Unit be at Tyra Banks’ side by now.
Now, The Hills! Wow, there’s a Just-in-Bobby guy in The Hills! Incredible. Is just to easy. Bustin is cool, too.
KConrad’s and Lo’s cameos, I felt fulfilled! Yes, I missed them. (That was a shout-out)
And this … “Speidi finally have a moment to themselves to express their most intimate feelings. No house to pretend to decorate together, no friends to convince of their sincerity, just the two of them and a film crew.” That was funny.
So, now is Ting Lee! This master changing process makes me feel so unstable. Where are my former masters? I feel … I feel like painting Hollywood on my walls right now.
I own that Little Miss Bossy t-shirt, too. I only sleep in it, though.
Lauren’s a high and mighty act about her friends’ choice in men considering that she dated the ultimate loser in Jason. I don’t think she’s really qualified to give lecture-y, you-can-do-better advice, even if Jobby is a total douche (which he is).
Spencer might be mildly retarded. Someone should run some tests.
I own that Little Miss Bossy t-shirt, too. I only sleep in it, though.
Lauren’s a high and mighty act about her friends’ choice in men considering that she dated the ultimate loser in Jason. I don’t think she’s really qualified to give lecture-y, you-can-do-better advice, even if Jobby is a total douche (which he is).
Spencer might be mildly retarded. Someone should run some tests.
OMG! Ting, I meant to post about how much I really loved your 1st recap. My roomie and I were cracking up and I couldn’t wait for #2. I’m so sorry to say HATED IT!!!!!
The only reason I had ANY idea what happened is b/c I actually watched the episode. If I hadn’t, I’d still be confused. I couldn’t even get through PAGE 2, it was so over-the-top and annoying!
Were you over-comensating for all the feedback you got after recap #1??? It just went too far…and I have NEVER not read an entire recap…this was just too painful. A+ for effort though?
You were channeling b-side, that’s cool. I agree that it’s important to tell what actually happened, too. But come on people… MTV airs this show once or twice a day, and you can watch it online. Hearing ting’s unique perspective on this episode was great.
Spencer has AIDS. Full-blown by the looks of it. And he does look mildy retarded to boot. Poor guy. What a nice girl Heidi is to try to give him a normal life before he dies. That’s why they’re moving so fast, you know. Wow. That was completely insensitive. I’m sorry. But, yeah. It’s feasible.
You were channeling b-side, that’s cool. I agree that it’s important to tell what actually happened, too. But come on people… MTV airs this show once or twice a day, and you can watch it online. Hearing ting’s unique perspective on this episode was great.
Spencer has AIDS. Full-blown by the looks of it. And he does look mildy retarded to boot. Poor guy. What a nice girl Heidi is to try to give him a normal life before he dies. That’s why they’re moving so fast, you know. Wow. That was completely insensitive. I’m sorry. But, yeah. It’s feasible.
Stick to the script Ting. The real stuff is funnier. I watched the show and had trouble discerning what was Ting and what was Hills. I will give you props for coining Bustin though. That was funny.
Comment #33 you have it wrong. Kathy was telling LC to ditch the show but of course MTV’s not going to air that which is why it was so heavily edited.
Stick to the script Ting. The real stuff is funnier. I watched the show and had trouble discerning what was Ting and what was Hills. I will give you props for coining Bustin though. That was funny.
Comment #33 you have it wrong. Kathy was telling LC to ditch the show but of course MTV’s not going to air that which is why it was so heavily edited.
I LOVED THIS RECAP, TING! When I read the first one I didn’t even giggle, but this one made me bust a gut. Bustin is too funny he’s almost unreal.
Heidi’s “proposal” was embarrassing. What happened to Tiffany & Co.? Toothy McDouche looked like he was in a pawn shop. The graffiti was so over the top it was sad. That’s the taste all that money buys you?!
I also agree that LC is coming off as a bit of wet blanket. Hopefully, it’s just the editing. But come on….Justin/Bobby? What else is LC to say? I’ve been to LA and this show makes it seem like there’s nothing but Justin/Bobby and Spencers on every corner.
What I got from the coming previews is that J.Wahl and LC are just meeting up as friends. And as much as I hated Jason, I hope he knocks Spencer out.
Once again, Ting, I loved this recap. I followed along just fine. It’s like you wrote exactly what should have been said/happening at those moments. KUDOS!
It’s a sad state of a relationship when the boyfriend spends more on the wall “art” and the fish tank than he does on the engagement ring.
Spencer does look ill and that blond facial fuzz is not helping his over all look in any way.
For all of you hardcore Hills watchers – is that kitten the same cat from last season? She looked mighty young so I can’t tell if she’s the same one or a younger one. And have you noticed there hasn’t been any sign of Heidi’s chihuahua?
Alright. Where’s LagunaConsultant?
I think they have 2 cats now.
The little kittne with the sweater (haha) and I saw the bigger on on top of the fridge.
Okay, so I just caught a repeat of this epi and earlier I forgot to point out that Justin/Bobby had what looked to be an anti-theft tag still attached to his little beanie-frenchie-hat-thingy at the restaurant.
Also, has anyone else noticed Toothy McDouche’s face when he and Heidiho talk about Lauren? Like when he told Heidi “…well, I know she doesn’t like me but she’s supposed to be your best friend…” Like he gives a shit!
Whoever coined the name “Deadrina” was right on. He eyes are frightfull.
Okay, so I just caught a repeat of this epi and earlier I forgot to point out that Justin/Bobby had what looked to be an anti-theft tag still attached to his little beanie-frenchie-hat-thingy at the restaurant.
Also, has anyone else noticed Toothy McDouche’s face when he and Heidiho talk about Lauren? Like when he told Heidi “…well, I know she doesn’t like me but she’s supposed to be your best friend…” Like he gives a shit!
Whoever coined the name “Deadrina” was right on. He eyes are frightfull.
Oh, and someone needs to tell Heidi to stop bleaching her eyebrows…she looks like a big-chinned albino.
This was sad.
I come on to TVgasm to laugh. The Hills was always my favorite recap. I know alot of bloggers have left, but are you serious?
Its fine to make up what happens to throw some funny in there… but you took it too far. You didn’t even write about what really went down.
I couldn’t even finish reading it.
Wow people are really rude. I think you did a great job! I love the title!
I loved this re-cap, I was laughing so hard! I thought the made up stuff was hilarious. I can see how someone who doesn’t watch could be confused, but it made the re-cap that much funnier…Ice Accressories reminds me of a casino gift shop, packed full of random stuff that’s supposed to look high-end. Poor Heidi. She is not an everything person.
I loved this re-cap, I was laughing so hard! I though the made up stuff was hilarious! I can see how someone who doesn’t watch could be confused, but it made the re-cap that much funnier…Ice Accressories reminds me of a casino gift shop, packed full of random stuff that’s supposed to look high-end. Poor Heidi. She is not an everything person.
OMG, I cannot wait for the new recap…hell, I can’t even wait for the end of the show. I HATE JUSTIN/BOBBY. I can totally understand LC. I feel really bad for Deadrina. I mean, I can understand wanting a boyfriend really bad but at the same time, I couldn’t deal with my guy treating my girl so rude for no reason. He just sucks.
I did like that Heidi painted over that god awefull “mural”. Spencer is a mulipative jerk. Now with LC off of her back, she can see Beavis for his slimey self.
Well, I’ll save the rest of my rant for the new recap. TING PLEASE LET THESE ASSES HAVE IT!!!!
first of all no offense to anyone and do not grade my punctuation im wasted and when i say wasted i mean it i aint no amature i am a for real substance abuser that said i am no doubt way too experieced in bad decision making to be yoda smart compared to the retards and unwarentenly egotistical dicks on this handjob of a show first of all what kind of a doucebag 23 year old proposes marriage to a 22 year old dingbat and dingbat is a kind word for any chick that accepts a 700 dollar sears wedding ring after two weeks from a so obviously self centered on the down low teabag recieving bleached hair and teeth friend of a guy living of his american hero wheaties cover father who at least knows that youre and idiot but doesnt care because he knows the best part about this idiot chum of a show is the fact that he will at least bang these hot retarded chicks and at least know enough to not fall in love especially after holding in his laughter when his down low gay frien spencer spent about three grand less on an engagemet ring at target than any legitimately in love ready for marriage american man would spend spencer you my friend are only in love with you and you need a good old fasioned american ass beating if you want it ask for pj at the comedy store any day of the week and ill treat you like the bitch you are. later.
Yeah, this recap definitely seemed a totally different style from the first one. I’d have been confused if I hadn’t watched the episode; as it was, I had to think a little before considering some of the made up events because my memory isn’t so great.. still entertaining though.
I loved reading the old Hills recaps on this site, but hey, different writing styles for different recappers. I think people are being waaay too critical, when it’s obvious that Ting’s a more than decent recapper. Stay true to your own style Ting and do what’s comfortable for -you-!
first of all no offense to anyone and do not grade my punctuation im wasted and when i say wasted i mean it i aint no amature i am a for real substance abuser. that said i am no doubt way too experienced in bad decision making that i’m yoda smart compared to the retards and unwarrantedly egotistical dicks on this handjob of a show. first of all what kind of a douchebag 23 year old proposes marriage to a 22 year old dingbat and dingbat is a kind word for any chick that accepts a 700 dollar sears wedding ring after two weeks from a so obviously self centered on the down low teabag recieving bleached hair and teeth friend of a guy living off his american hero wheaties cover father who at least knows that youre an idiot but doesnt care because he knows the best part about this idiot chum of a show is the fact that he will at least bang these hot retarded chicks and know enough to not fall in love especially after holding in his laughter when his down low gay friend spencer spent about three grand less on an engagemet ring at target than any legitimately in love ready for marriage american man would spend. spencer you my friend are only in love with you and you need a good old fasioned american ass beating. later.
I liked the first recap much better…I didnt care for this one at all…
LMAO @ up-yours. That was hilarious! I think you should get wasted and do the recaps every week!
You go Heidi!! Way to surprise Spencer with the new wall…
I like Heidi and Spencer. I think they’re love is genuine. From this show- and the previews for next week’s show where he goes to her house for the weekend.
They both did some shady-sh*t last season, but hey- that’s life.
I wish them well.
Justin-Bobby? Man is he a weirdo. Fine, but a weirdo!
I know this isn’t the board for it- but I just have to say ‘Newport Harbor’ is BORING. MTV needs to know that LB can’t be replicated. What they should do however, is find ways for Jessica and perhaps Casey to make cameos in the hills.
All of the Newport people look basically exactly the same and have nothing to say to each other besides telling each other how cute they think the other person looks. I can watch the hills reruns about 3 times a week (yes- I’m a little ashamed), however I didn’t manage to watch the second episode of NH and I’m sure I won’t be watching the rest of the NH season because even watching the first episode for the first time I felt like I could be watching something a lot more interesting.
However, am loving season 3 of the hills. My mom even started watching it.
Great seeing Lo and the Conrad mansion again. MTV just got really lucky casting LC in the first place.
BTW- I would not watch a Speidi spin off EVER!
bobby justin is a very, very poor mans eddie vedder. i have never seen a douche bag try so hard to be cool. he is more nauseating than jason the coke head.
Please Help me !
What Laureen said whan she was with the cat on her bed ?
I keep my opinions to myself …
?
Please !