Recap: The Hills: Life’s Tough. Get A Helmet

The Hills

By Ting Lee | Tuesday, August 28, 2007 | 6:47 pm | 63 Comments

This week on The Hills, things are a little bit sad as our girls learn that your parents can’t save you from bad men and sometimes even parties are complicated.

Omghhdsdg

OMGeeeee! This party’s complicated!

We start with Speidi visiting a jeweler. Heidi has gotten so brain dead she can’t even open a door anymore. Once they finally make it inside the shop, they tell the helper they want to resize the controversial ring. Hey, why didn’t they take it back to Ice? Oh, right, it’s a costume shop, I forgot. The helper comments that the ring is beautiful and Heidi responds with L.A. gratitude: “Think yeow!” Yes, I do believe Hollywood has gone to her head. Then Speidi act out another one of those are-they-or-aren’t-they moments that have become incredibly tiresome. Heidi wonders which hand to wear the ring on. “Which is the engagement finger?” Spencer asks, as if struggling not to add…

Spenceruggoface

You fucking twit?

As the helper draws up the nonexistent bill (Think yeow for the publicity!), Heidi asks Spencer to come home to Colorado with her to meet her family. This weekend. This weekend? This weekend. (By the way, does Spencer have adult onset acne? Or a super mole-y face I never noticed before? I’m going with the former because he looks more paranoid than usual). Spencer speaks in the monotone drone he uses when he’s lying. Although Brody’s barbecue is scheduled for this weekend, he’d rather go to Colorado with Heidi. Liar! Liar! Your face is on fire! Heidi smiles up at him proudly. His mouth contorts with the strain of trying to understand what he just agreed to. “Wow!” he says. “My head hurts!”

The girls go shopping. And by the girls, I mean Brody and Spencer. Granted, they’re at a tire store, but they’re still label whores. “These are all Mercedes,” Brody pouts. “And you don’t want to get the BMW.” Does Gucci make a tire?

Spencer tells Brody he’s going to visit Heidi’s family. In his typical passive-aggressive way, he acts like it’s this awesome thing without addressing the fact he’s going to miss the barbecue. Brody’s miffed because they’ve been planning this for two months. “I thought we were BEST FRIENDS!” yells Brody. “I haven’t felt so betrayed by BEST FRIENDS in so long!”

Bbqbitch

Calm down, Nellie. You can fire up your weenies next weekend.

Deadrina and Bustin spend the day frolicking on the beach. They’re both wearing jeans and motorcycle boots. I find myself wondering how Audrina got soooo tan if it isn’t warm enough to wear bathing suits. She is freakishly beige, and shiny like someone just Liquid Gold-ed her skin. They cop a squat on the sand to have a very natural discussion about how Bustin and Lauren didn’t hit it off so well. Audrina makes the fatal error of saying LC worries about her because she’s “gotten fucked over by so many guys.” Now Bustin knows he will always have the upper hand with her, and he treats her gently. He tells her LC has nothing to worry about, unless Dead pisses him off. Then he punches her fist. How gentle! How reassuring!

Umyourkidding

Um…you’re kidding, right?

Over at Chez Janky, Speidi pack for the big trip. Spence admits to being nervous, because he’s never had to bullshit real adults before, except, of course, for his professors at USC, but that’s only for two hours a pop, not for a whole weekend straight through. Spence wants to know who’s expecting them, and Hollywood Heidi replies, “Uh, I think the whole town knows we’re coming!” Either realizing that she’s not supposed to reference the show while on the show or that she sounds totally self-absorbed, she adds guiltily, “Just kidding.” Spencer tries to get more “intel” on what the family knows about him so he can start fabricating a personality they will like. Heidi says they know everything since she talks to her mom everyday. Spence looks crestfallen that he might actually have to be himself, whoever that is. “This is the heaviest thing I’ve ever done,” he says, apparently forgetting the lifelong commitment he made to Heidi two weeks ago. Hope he doesn’t have a hard time getting her mind-control pills past airport security.

Finally, 5 scenes in, we get to see our beloved heroine, LC. She’s having dinner with Deadrina and Lo at Boulevard Cafe. She invites the girls to Brody’s barbecue at “The Malibu.” Lo, because she’s wearing a Panamanian-lady-reporter hat, asks some hard hitting questions about the continued friendship with Brody. Come on, says Lauren, I’m always friends with my ex’s, unless they were BEST FRIENDS. “Yes, you are good at that. . .” leads Lo. LC insists that she and Brody get along really well even though he is BEST FRIENDS with her MORTAL ENEMY. Deadrina wants to know if Bustin can come. Lo’s excited for Dead, because every time he comes back into her life “it’s like a party again!” Lauren adds that he’s “complicated.” Hmmm, a complicated party. Like a birthday celebration at a ropes course, complete with a “find your way home from Vegas” trust challenge.

Loshat

Mayor of Panama

Speidi land in Crested Butte (which tempts me to call it Crusted Butt for the rest of the recap, but that’s gay and I’ll try to rise above it). Heidi’s home is just lovely, with small town store fronts and beautiful mountain ranges, kind of like South Park for real. As they drive to the Egelhoff homestead, Heidi is nervous, but more worried about Spencer’s “challenge.” “Are you going to have trouble breathing through your happy-face mask?” she asks, patting his shoulder.

As they pull into the driveway, Heidi’s mom, Charlene, runs by the side of the car yelling “open the door!” My eyes well up with tears. Maybe Heidi’s momma can talk some sense into her! Spencer gets out of the car and claps as he walks around to meet the family. Uh, oh, is he trying not to hit someone? Heidi hugs her sister, Holly, and little bro, Skye. Charlene hugs Spencer and he says, “Hello… family,” as he tries not to choke on the genuineness of small town folk. Heidi’s step-dad Tim shakes Spencer’s hand, and I hope he gives him the Alpha Dad knuckle crunch. As they walk towards the house, we see fields and horses. Spence confesses he’s hallucinating, because he had to swallow all of Heidi’s pills at the security checkpoint.

Let’s go to the barbecue, where there’s no parents and no authentic concern for life choices! Bustin and Deadrina roll up the PCH on the bike, wearing their little German helmets. Brody and Frankie chill out on the patio, making fun of “married boy” “flaking again” to be “with his wife.” He’s probably horseback riding! HAHAHAHA! Just then, Spencer poaches in by celly, and they tease him some more. “Just pretend I’m there,” says Spence, getting some Bolthouse trucker caps out of the car for Skye. “Not going to happen,” says Brody. “There’s no vendors on the beach right now. We’ll go shopping when you get back.”

Lo and LC arrive at the barbecue. LC pile hugs Brody and Frankie, who are thrilled to see the two of them. The boys challenge LC and Lo to a kayak race. Frankie actually says “we’re going to get our fitness on.” Audrina runs into the water with a thong-ish bikini on. It’s tiny. And she’s really tan everywhere. I mean, you can see a lot of her crusted butt. (I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Really). Bustin and Dead play in the water, the boys kayak, and other people play volleyball. After that, everybody plays football. Lauren is a really aggressive tackler. After one such tussle, Brody thinks Lauren broke his finger, and he shows it off to everyone, saying “Lauren did it.” This party just got really complicated.

Paybacksabitch

The girls go shopping in Colorado, and by the girls, I mean Spencer and Charlene. While they peruse Crested Butte T-shirts, Heidi asks her dad what he thinks of Spencer. Tim, bless his patience, says slowly, “He’s. . .nice. He’s. . .polite. (pause) And as long as that’s the person YOU like. . .” he nods a little, not sure how to finish. Heidi, hoping for the best, says she always wanted a guy like her daddy. Tim, bless his diplomacy, says, “Well. . .if you think he’s that way. . . that’s all that’s important to me.” Then Alpha Dad says he hasn’t had “the talk” with Spencer yet. He means the Deniro “I’m watching you” talk, from, you guessed it, “Meet The Parents.” He doesn’t say all that, he just points two fingers at his eyes, then at hers, and back to his, when he says “the talk.” I love Tim. Save Heidi!

Let’s join the complicated party within the complicated party. The editors pan Bustin’s bod to reveal he’s wearing combat boots, short shiny seventies short shorts, a Hanes T-shirt, and a sweat-bandanna. Brody whimpers some more about his finger to Deadrina, until he finally decides to go “get it checked out.” Uh, Bruce? Can you send your personal doc over to The Malibu? I’ve been drinking all day, and this party is too complicated to get out of.

At the Egelhoff ranch, the family picnics in the backyard with what, I swear to god, looks like authentic, non-ironic cornbread muffins. Spencer looks like he’s choking. Tim asks Spencer to go for a walk and talk to the horse pasture. Tim tells Spencer he’s happy to meet him, and he “kind of wants to build the trust that he has with Heidi. . .with you. . .somehow.” Tim could have written for Little House on the Prairie. His forthrightness is touching. My eyes sting every time he talks. Spencer squirms and blurts, “I mean, all I can tell you, is my whole life, I never never thought, I was the kind of person who, wanted to get so serious with a girl EVER, because I was like oh I’ll get married when I’m fifty, but at the end of the day I just love spending every second with Heidi, so. . .” Tim silences him with his Alpha Dad-ness. He explains that Heidi’s always dropped her friends when she gets a boyfriend and he’s worried about what will happen to her “if things go South.” It’s amazing that Heidi’s parents would be so honest about her bad patterns. I feel sorry for Tim trying to reason with Spencer. I want him just to say:

Dadtalk

“You let her make some friends you little varmint or I’ll drive up to LA County with my shotgun and blow your nether regions into tarnation!”

As the day wanes, Deadrina looks on as Bustin picks up a chick with bad skin. The girl actually has her phone out and is entering his number. Dead complains that he’s “such a flirt.” Come on, Dead! It’s totally unacceptable! Brody strolls in with a cast past his elbow. The white gauze seems to go on forever. He pulls out X-rays and says he has to have surgery next week. The whole thing seems so ridiculous that LC and Audrina double over with laughter. Brody’s pissed, and says, “Wait ’til it happens to you!” Um, they both already got tackled by a girl and they lived to tell the story. Wuss.

The Egelhoffs must have had a Save Heidi pow wow. Charlene tries to talk to her daughter about the exact same thing Tim broached by the horse pasture. Where will Heidi go if they have trouble? “I have a lot of friends– a lot of Spencer’s friends, and they have girlfriends. . .” Uh, Heidi, when you break up with someone, their friends don’t want to hang out with you. They might sympathy hang for a month or so, but after that they won’t want their girlfriends around you either. Charlene presses her about the breakdown with Lauren, insisting that spending time with the boyfriend could not have been the only thing that contributed to the loss. Hollywood Heidi points to the cameras and says “Shut UP, Mom.”

Ruuun-1

My advice to you, honey, is: RUUUUUUNNNN!!!!

Night falls on the barbecue, and it seems like Brody has taken some Vicodin because he’s able to approach Lauren about his hurt feelings when she laughed at him. They joke, and Brody, in his most likable moment of the entire series, tells her he’s a little insecure about “THIS!” as he waves the huge cast in front of him. It’s a funny, sweet moment, and Lauren apologizes by kissing the gimpy hand. I detect a little flirtation between the two of them. Hmmmm. The pot chickens, as they might say on Little House.

The Egelhoffs take the kids for dinner at Tim’s restaurant, which is not too shabby. On the website, the menu boasts a 14 dollar hamburger, as well as a link to Charlene’s mountain real estate practice. The Egelhoffs got their shit tight. This does not escape Spencer, who cannot believe they painted the whole restaurant by themselves. I mean, he had to hire some kids for a 6′x4′ mural, and Heidi couldn’t even finish painting over it by herself. The Egelhoffs have not given up on Save Heidi. Charlene insists you’ve got to go through “hard times” before one can make a real commitment. Still not getting the subtlety of direct communication, Spencer says he would marry Heidi today if she were ready. Uh, no, Spencey, she basically suggested the complete opposite idea. She doesn’t think posting an angry blog on your website constitutes “hard times.” Just a guess, douchebag.

Lauren and Brody share a moment about the deterioration of the girls’ friendship, and by girls I mean Brody and Spencer. Brody says he spends all his time with Heidi now, and you can tell he feels kind of gay saying it, but the fact remains. “I get it,” says Lauren. “You wanna go get some Pinkberry and skip the gym?”

When Heidi excuses herself to the restroom, Charlene keeps trying to hit her mark. She challenges Spencer to explain why Heidi had to choose between him and Lauren. The stress of trying to appear as nice as they are finally gets to him and he cracks. He imitates Lauren maniacally saying “I want Heidi to myself,” while shaking his head side to side. He looks like a cartoon villain. The show is not lost on the Egelhoffs.

SpfreaksDadohno

He’s just like you, dad!

Charlene tries to keep going, pointing out that Heidi and Lauren had been friends for two years, and Heidi has a big enough heart for everyone. Hollywood Heidi, rejoining the group, gives her mother the death stare. “Do you want Tim’s restaurant on the show or not?” she hisses.

Finally, after drinking all day, our girl is drunk. Not slurring, “jack pot” drunk, but sad, reminiscing drunk. She and Deadrina huddle, legs interlocked, talking about friendship. And although LC’s mom thinks Deadrina is great, she’s not as great as Heidi was, cries LC. Dead consoles her by saying that Hollywood went to Heidi’s head, and she let a guy control her. But Jason “hated HATED” Heidi, counters LC, and she didn’t care. More drunken “you’re the best and I love you and I’d do anything for you and you have a lot of other good friends” and they hug it out. It’s good that LC is finally coming to terms with the lost friendship.

The Egelhoffs are old school. Even though Speidi live together, and have some sort of ring between them, Spence has to sleep on the couch. Goodnight, Prattboy. Don’t spray paint anything.

LC decides to make more drinks. Lord, I hope she’s spending the night at The Malibu. Audrina comments she hasn’t seen Bustin in awhile. As LC makes her way towards the kitchen, she spies one of the little German helmets on the couch. She brings it back outside to show Audrina. As we watch Audrina realize Bustin left her at the party without saying good bye, it’s her last question, “Really?” that breaks your heart. She starts crying. LC winds up for the one perfect moment she has every episode. “Look at me,” she says, smiling. “Homeboy wore combat boots to the beach!” They laugh and hug, and LC puts the helmet on. “Life’s tough,” she says, knocking on her head. “Get a helmet.” What a complicated party.

Omgpartyhard

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64 Comments

  1. 1
    mo_knows
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 8:18 pm

    Anybody know when that party took place? I feel like I just read about it in US Weekly not too long ago, and it said that the scenes with Lauren and Audrina talking were set up. Like they were hanging out partying and then the director said “Ok, I need Lauren and Audrina on the couch talking now”, or something like that. They also said that is was a party sponsored by the Hills production company, not Brody, and that there were vendors there with free clothes and stuff. But the scene of the two girls was very touching.
    I’m starting to find a lot of humor in Spencer’s douchyness… like when Heidi left the table at the restaurant and Spencer looks at her mom and says “What an angel”- hilarious!!

  2. 2
    Beth
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 8:46 pm

    Heidi’s parents are GREAT! I was really impressed by caring they were and respectful at the same time.

    It was so classic Spencer trying to imitate LC to prove his point. He ended up looking so crazy.

  3. 3
    Lime23
    Posted August 28, 2007 at 9:32 pm

    Yes, well — I hope we’re all sitting down — but it may just be that MTV is playing a bit fast & loose with the “reality,” here.
    (gasp!)

    Someone said on another board that the Colorado visit was before July 4th — (is that verified?) but press reports clearly indicate that the finger-breaking party was not until Thurs, July 19th (as reported on Mon, July 23rd):

    http://www.usmagazine.com/brody_jenner_2

    http://www.eonline.com/gossip/partygirl/detail/index.jsp?uuid=38471b28-3e5a-4464-9186-fbf10f2de247

    What does this all mean? I don’t know. While I don’t have a serious problem with splicing 2 different barbeque parties into one, does that mean they actually had Brody & Frankie fake an alleged phone conversation with Spencer in Colorado on 7/19? (“he’s probably horseback riding right now — ha ha HA”) hahaha HA! Were they even still “friends” at this point? Just a few days later come the first reports of the brody-spencer break-up (?)

    http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=95583505&blogID=292817334

    And Lauren says she can’t act.

    (“Now in this take, Spencer, we need to see you acting more like a maniacal idiot. Maybe clap like one of those motorized monkeys banging little cymbals together or something. Your motivation? Barely constrained rage. Purrr-fect. You guys are the next Nick & Jessica. And, ACTION.”)

  4. 4
    BonaFide
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 4:55 am

    Enjoyable recap! Good work, Ting!

  5. 5
    jennyebnl
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 5:25 am

    Great recap. Did anyone notice Audrina’s smile on her face when LC came out with the helmet? That part on the couch really irked me… could it have been anymore planned? Next week looks juicy with Heidi blaming Brody for starting the rumors. Can’t wait!

  6. 6
    jennyebnl
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 5:28 am

    Great recap. Did anyone notice Audrina’s smile on her face when LC came out with the helmet? That part on the couch really irked me… could it have been anymore planned? Next week looks juicy with Heidi blaming Brody for starting the rumors. Can’t wait!

  7. 7
    mandymax
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 6:13 am

    I would buy Heidi’s mom’s concern as a lot more genuine and authentic had she not come out with that “Spencer adores Heidi and waits on her hand and foot and all the haters are just JEALOUS of Heidi!” interview a few months ago.

  8. 8
    McCreamy
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 6:46 am

    Great recap… can’t wait till next week!

    Is it just me or did LC seem a little too happy when she found the helmet?

  9. 9
    LitChick35
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 7:05 am

    LC didn’t seem happy when she found the helmet — she seemed drunk, and intent on making Audrina laugh, because NO TEARS SHOULD EVER BE SHED over someone who wears combat boots to the beach!

  10. 10
    msu11y28
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 7:58 am

    great recap…love the parts about Spencer having to “fabricate” a personality and the screen cap of him doing the Lauren impression.

    And mo_knows, I totally forgot about the “what an angel” comment…hilarious!

  11. 11
    WeatherGurl
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 8:13 am

    Did anyone else notice how much Tim resembles Richard Gere?

    I kept waiting for Julia Roberts to come out on a wedding dress on one of their horses!

  12. 12
    YankeesFan
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 9:02 am

    I actually think LC was happy when she found the helmet…she had a devious smile on her face and was glad that she could console Audrina…Lauren is so weird when it comes to her friends and guys.

    Spencer was so scary when he imitated Lauren. It made him look so bad. Love Heidi’s parents, but their town looks fake…like something you would see in Disneyland.

  13. 13
    Tiffany
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 9:17 am

    I enjoyed the recap. I enjoyed the show..

    When Lauren first picked up the helmet- I too thought she seemed a lil too happy.

    When Spencer said the going home with Heidi was the biggest (or some other LA word) thing he’s ever done…I thought to myself- what about “proposing” last week?

    Next week’s show looks really good.

    How lame-o is it for Spencer to break up with Brody for hangin with Lauren? Lol

    Ummm..hello to all yall that said Bustin and Audrina were a good couple and blah blah blah…did SHE not invite HIM to a bbq and he has the nerve to mack RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER!! That’s pretty bad…explain that to me pulease.

  14. 14
    MissKatrina
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:16 am

    I was so happy to see real people who were not fooled by Toothy McDouche’s antics, and I would LOVE to see Tim shoot Toothy’s nether regions to tarnation. Hee!

    I am surprised the horses didn’t get spooked when Toothy was near them. I thought animals could sense evil…unless he drugged them with Heidi’s pills.

    It was almost refreshing to see Lauren upset about Heidi. The tabloids make it seem so catty/vicious, but obviously she is troubled by losing their friendship, maybe more so than Heidi.

    And speaking of losing friends, I am SO excited for the Toothy/Brody man-frontation next week! Did Brody really start the rumor?

  15. 15
    aloveaffairwithtivo
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:36 am

    A best friend and I “broke up” my senior year of college and it was very heartbreaking, so I could totally feel for LC during that last scene. I have had many a drunken sad conversation with other friends about the demise of our relationship, which of course was over her spending time with a guy…that she is now married to…but whatever.

    Moving on, I don’t think that Brody started the rumors. Maybe he did, but why would he care? Spencer hates Lauren and is just the kind of immature douchebag to start them. I reference the way he was acting at the dinner table with Heidi’s parents when he went off on Lauren in a maniacal voice…Brody seems slightly more mature than that. Why would he waste his time spreading rumors when he has BBQ’s in The Malibu to plan?

    At first I sorta hoped Heidi would see the light and dumb Toothy McDouche, but now I feel like they deserve each other and their fake plastic life.

    I was hoping that Heidi’s mom and stepfather or at least a sibling would comment on the fact that she has a new nose, boobs, and Chiclet teeth, but oh well.

  16. 16
    princess0203
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:44 am

    Did anybody hear Audrina say she was “done.” I guess she was referring to dating Justin/Bobby, but on the previews for next week, she was announcing that she was going out “with Justin.” How pathetic was that? That girl is way too pretty and that guy is way too weird to be dating each other. Does Audrina have low self esteem or something? Somebody please enlighten me.

  17. 17
    princess0203
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:46 am

    Did anybody hear Audrina say she was “done.” I guess she was referring to dating Justin/Bobby, but on the previews for next week, she was announcing that she was going out “with Justin.” How pathetic was that? That girl is way too pretty and that guy is way too weird to be dating each other. Does Audrina have low self esteem or something? Somebody please enlighten me.

  18. 18
    princess0203
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:48 am

    Did anybody hear Audrina say she was “done.” I guess she was referring to dating Justin/Bobby, but on the previews for next week, she was announcing that she was going out “with Justin.” How pathetic was that? That girl is way too pretty and that guy is way too weird to be dating each other. Does Audrina have low self esteem or something? Somebody please enlighten me.

  19. 19
    princess0203
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:14 am

    Sorry I didn’t mean to post my comments 3x.

  20. 20
    princess0203
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:22 am

    Sorry I didn’t mean to post my comments 3x.

  21. 21
    Candy
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:33 am

    Her parents were so not buying in to the whole “what an angel” thing… lmao!! and Lauren did seem a little too happy when she found that helmet but I guess she was happy to confirm to Audrina that if he abandoned her once he would do it again… I mean C’mon the guy is careless he just doesnt care! … Even though he doesnt dress for the occasion and sometimes he looks like a homeless person.. lol he is very good looking.. I think he looked his best last episode when he wore a plaid shirt… hot.

  22. 22
    natania
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:35 am

    Great recap Ting!

    So funny.

    I loved the line about Spencer taking one of hiedi’s pills and hallucinating. That was great.

    Here are some links for diehard Hills fans:

    http://leaveumalohan.blogspot.com/2007/08/keeping-feud-alive.html
    Heidi can’t let Lauren go!

    http://leaveumalohan.blogspot.com/2007/08/project-las-vegas.html
    Lauren’s fashion line info.

  23. 23
    popo
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:50 am

    I haven’t seen this episode yet, though I am not worried as MTV will show it at least 20X before next week.

    In any case, it’s hard to see any of these people as genuine. They are merely histrionic whores for the camera. Semms like Momma Hedi Ho is worried that Toothy McD’s over-all douchiness is ruining her daughters meal ticket.

    Leave it to the Hills production company to plan a BBQ for these people. It is probably the only way they can actually get them to hang out.

  24. 24
    vividblurry
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 12:18 pm

    I swear, Audrina was totally smiling when Lauren brought over the helmet. It looked very staged. But maybe that is just how she looks when she cries.

    To the recapper: Next week, I’d like to see fewer “gay” jokes. I know you didn’t mean to be offensive, but calling something gay isn’t funny. It’s just distracting from the actual funny things you write.

  25. 25
    Joe Blow
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 12:25 pm

    Recap was decent. An improvement.

    Oh my god, Spencer is such a smarmy little Ken Doll. “What…an…angel!” Uh, laying it on a little thick, are we? Even her parents were like, “Come on now”

    When Spencer did that weird little freak out imitating Lauren, the looks on Heidi’s parent’s faces cracked me up. Seriously, who acts that weird and crazy in front of someone’s parents?

  26. 26
    Montague
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    Recap was terrific. Dead on with the parents. You could see the horror in their eyes.

  27. 27
    memyI
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    WeatherGurl I thought he looked like Richard Gere too! Thats so funny…

    About next week when Heidi says Brody started the rumors…well even if he did it still reflects badly on her because she continued to hang out with him afterwards!

  28. 28
    samxx7
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    Good recap.
    Just goes to show, Heidi dropped friends in the past for boyfriends. So if anyone thinks that Lauren was ever selfish and wanted Heidi to herself just got proved wrong, Heidi is that girl. I used to know a girl in highschool that did the same crap, everytime she got a boyfriend she didn’t care about dicking her friends over. All she cared about was spending every waking moment with the guy, and once they’d break up, she’d come running back to the girls she basically dumped and expected support. DUMB GIRLS !!

    Audrina getting left at the party, wow you picked a winner. He’s def a peice of trash just showing to everyone in the world how much he can get away with and she runs back to him.

    Lauren’s drunk cry, i def felt for her. Loosing close friends is never easy, esp when they throw hurtful rumors in with it!

    Brody is the one that spread rumors? and all of a sudden spencer and him aren’t friends anymore, and are mad he hangs out with lauren…wow way to blame someone so obviously. tools.

  29. 29
    ting lee
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    Ting Lee here.

    First of all, I can’t BELIEVE I missed commenting on “What an angel.” Saw it the first time through, and laughed so hard. I must have missed it in the forward/rewind of the dvr. Shoot.

    And vivdblurry, I’m glad you’re not offended by my use of “gay.” It’s vernacular from where I grew up, like “wicked” is to Boston. It doesn’t mean “kind of homosexual,” it means “stupid or ridiculous.” More of a take off on happy gay than gay gay.

    Thanks for reading and laughing. xo Ting

  30. 30
    babeblue
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    spencer is so full of crap!!!! I was so happy that heidi’s parents weren’t fooled by his performance. “what.an.angel” -BARF >:-~

    I hope it’s not true that heidi’s mom has since succumbed to his powers of manipulation.

    audrina must have some seriously low self-esteem b/c she mentioned on last week’s after-show that she and jb still hang out. it’s bad enough to be dogged out by a boy you like, but on NATIONAL TELEVISION!! we all saw how he treated her like crap and there’s no excuse for that. have some dignity and move on.

    she’s probably thinks he’s showing signs of growth since this time he ditched her inside state lines this time.

  31. 31
    EstelleHairball
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 2:42 pm

    I can see how the old Heidi could be raised by these people. They seem like nice, honest, hardworking people, who are engaged in their kids’ lives. I feel badly for them that their daughter has been physically and mentally polluted by Spencer the Spawn.

    If Deadeye is going to let herself be treated like crap by JustinBobby, then she has to deal with it. She admitted that she has to go through all of the crap–she can’t be influenced by friend’s warnings.

    I think that Brody wants to hang with LC because she actually has positive things happening in her life, and that Spencer is going nowhere fast. I would feel like he’s more of a genuine friend and not a hanger-on, if he had something of his own going on (besides being on a reality show!).

  32. 32
    omj75
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    Great job Ting Lee. “Find your way home from Vegas trust challenge” CLASSIC! Just some observations.

    1. Lo gets better looking by the minute.

    2. If genuine, Lauren’s reaction to the discussion with Drina shows she truly cared about Heidie. Sucks when meaningful friendships fall to the wayside over nonsense.

    3. Heide’s parents showed ZERO faith that this relationship would last.

    BTW, What’s the new cats name? Was the old one Whiskers?

    Re: #30. Brody’s a pimp, he just wants to bust them draws.

  33. 33
    omj75
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 3:19 pm

    The older cat is Ashes. What is the kitten with the sweater like Jay-Z named?

    Team Ashes
    Team New Cat

  34. 34
    samxx7
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    i cannot believe lagunaconsultant is not commenting, that makes me sad, if your reading this PLEASE start, its not the same. Let alone we lost b-side long ago, then we got you to recap(which i never thought you wouldn’t be now) but you to not even comment :( :( :( reason why theres hardly any comments on the best recapped show…hmmm didn’t we get to 1000+ ?? yeah…

  35. 35
    HereKittyKitty
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 8:46 pm

    YankeesFan I’m going to assume by your name that you aren’t from Colorado and you’ve never been there. That’s what tourist towns look like!

    Spencer’s little imitation of LC was SUPER creepy. The aftershow didn’t even need lightning or weird playback this week to make it seem weird, it was just… unsettling. I’m pretty sure if a guy said that to my parents my dad kick his ass to the curb.

  36. 36
    HereKittyKitty
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    YankeesFan I’m going to assume by your name that you aren’t from Colorado and you’ve never been there. That’s what tourist towns look like!

    Spencer’s little imitation of LC was SUPER creepy. The aftershow didn’t even need lightning or weird playback this week to make it seem weird, it was just… unsettling. I’m pretty sure if a guy said that to my parents my dad kick his ass to the curb.

  37. 37
    heehaw
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 4:51 am

    WHAT DID I MISS? is this rumor i keep hearing so much about the now famous BC nickname for LC? DAMMIT WE NEED TO GET THIS OUT IN THE OPEN! does LC have BC or not? IF she does have Beef Curtains then who would have first hand (or something more private) knowledge of this fact that she has “a little to much meat between the seat.” IT SEEMS we are going to watch an entire episode about (whispering in hushed tones) “the awful rumor”. why can’t mtv bring this controversy to the surface? hell they pretend to tackle all controversial issues! I WANT CLOSURE. Lets go to the video tape!

  38. 38
    Rox
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 6:47 am

    One More GREAT recap. This is begining to be the highlight of my week…which should give you a pretty good indication of how shallow I am.
    THANKS AGAIN!!

  39. 39
    msu11y28
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 6:48 am

    Joe Blow (#24), your description of Spencer (“a smarmy little Ken Doll”) is one of the most accurate and hilarious descriptions of a person I have ever read.

  40. 40
    YankeesFan
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 7:42 am

    I actually have been to CO Herekitty…multiple times and to almost every state in the country and have rarely if ever seen a town that looks like that. Heidi said she is from a small town…I doubt many tourists go there.

    …Yeah, thought it was very interesting how Heidi’s father said that Heidi has dropped friends in the past…definitely explains a lot. I still don’t think Brody spread those rumors…what would he get from doing that?

  41. 41
    vividblurry
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 7:44 am

    Ting wrote: “And vivdblurry, I’m glad you’re not offended by my use of ‘gay.’ It’s vernacular from where I grew up, like ‘wicked’ is to Boston. It doesn’t mean ‘kind of homosexual,’ it means ‘stupid or ridiculous.’ More of a take off on happy gay than gay gay.”

    Er, I know what “gay” means. I, too, went to high school.

    I don’t mean to derail the light-hearted nature of this thread, but I didn’t say anything about not being offended by your calling something “gay.” I don’t think it’s funny, and to pass it off as “Oh, that’s just something people say where I’m from” is absurd.

    Doesn’t TVgasm have standards and practices? Please avoid calling things “gay” when you mean to say “stupid” and “ridiculous.” Thank you.

  42. 42
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 8:06 am

    Deadeye admitted that she had commitment issues.

    Ergo, hanging with a total tool like Bustin suits her purposses perfectly.

    Unlikely he’ll ever pressure her to take their relationship to the next level,
    or be faithful,
    or classy,
    or bathe

    He’s a commitment-phobic’s Dream Date.
    Keeps sniffin’ around and yet keeps giving you excuses not to get serious.
    SCORE!

  43. 43
    Diana811
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 8:32 am

    Is it just me, or does Justin Bobby look AND sound like Johnny Depp – circa “Pirates of the Caribbean”

  44. 44
    Emmy420
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 9:41 am

    So…I think we should get Honey Gangsta to do these recaps instead — who’s with me!?!? Team HG!!! Plus she actually comments!!!!!

    That being said…I was trying to figure out if that last scene was staged — it even looked line it was more than one take put together, Audrina was crying and then she wasn’t and then she was!!

  45. 45
    Emmy420
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 9:43 am

    So…I think we should get Honey Gangsta to do these recaps instead — who’s with me!?!? Team HG!!! Plus she actually comments!!!!!

    That being said…I was trying to figure out if that last scene was staged — it even looked line it was more than one take put together, Audrina was crying and then she wasn’t and then she was!!

  46. 46
    Emmy420
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 9:46 am

    So…I think we should get Honey Gangsta to do these recaps instead — who’s with me!?!? Team HG!!! Plus she actually comments!!!!!

    That being said…I was trying to figure out if that last scene was staged — it even looked line it was more than one take put together, Audrina was crying and then she wasn’t and then she was!!

  47. 47
    Emmy420
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 9:51 am

    So…I think we should get Honey Gangsta to do these recaps instead — who’s with me!?!? Team HG!!! Plus she actually comments!!!!!

    That being said…I was trying to figure out if that last scene was staged — it even looked line it was more than one take put together, Audrina was crying and then she wasn’t and then she was!!

  48. 48
    Emmy420
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 9:57 am

    OMG — I am so sorry I posted 3 times, I kept getting an error message!

  49. 49
    LeslieAnne25
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    Don’t worry Ting Lee. I’m from Boston and we say “gay” just as much as we say “wicked”. It IS “just something people say where I’m from”. Also, I have many gay friends and they use it too.

    And just for the record….I hope sugary foods aren’t getting offeneded every time I say something is sweet too.

  50. 50
    mle428
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 12:50 pm

    Great recap, Ting. I agree that your recaps of The Hills are getting better. I miss the Age of Love recaps. *sniffle* I hate this show and all it stands for, but I love tvgasm and TingLee, so here I am.

    Emmy420 should not be allowed to comment if she’s going to:

    a. post it what? 5 times?

    and

    b. complain about how she wants another writer to do the recaps.

    Totally uncalled for, emmy420.

    Nice work, Ting. I’ll fight a bitch if I have to. I’m Team TingLee forever!

  51. 51
    McCreamy
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 12:54 pm

    emmy420 if the ’420′ in your name stands for what I think it does you are forgiven

  52. 52
    shia0bundan
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 1:49 pm

    Nice recap Ting!!

    Spencer was sooo douchey in this episode. I cracked up as well when he said “What an angel!” Like, c’mon! Spencer thinks he’s so slick with lines like that, but he just comes off as a such a prick. That scary face at dinner? Ummm… way to NOT impress the future in-laws.

    I still feel like Lauren should grow up and at least communicate with Heidi, especially if she is upset enough to cry about it. I feel like Lauren doesn’t even have proof that Heidi spread the rumors, and somehow Heidi never seemed the malicious type to intentionally try and hurt Lauren. I also feel like Audrina needs to shut the fuck up and stop bad-mouthing Heidi at every turn. I think it would be Audrina’s worst nightmare if Lauren and Heidi became close again… bye bye camera time! You know what would be good for the show? If Lo became a castmember and either Audrina or Whitney became supporting cast. At least Lo is funny.

    As far next week…I don’t know if Heidi spread the rumors (obviously), but I wouldn’t put it past Brody. He is CLEARLY bugging for camera time and he seems like a real sheisty asshole. Looking foward to next week’s episode.

  53. 53
    Amanda
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 1:59 pm

    If I were Heidi’s step-dad I would be so pissed for her suggesting that Spencer’s anything like him.

  54. 54
    hollabackboy
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 2:45 pm

    I really hate Speidi. Everytime they are both onscreen it just makes me cringe. Spencer has clearly brainwashed Heidi so bad that he’s all she can see & focus on and its really sad and pathetic. I hope they break up, like her parents said, because it would only be karma for Heidi. She acted so badly towards her old friends & to lose Spencer and them and have nothing would only be cosmic payback [[ that may sound too mean, but I really hate them both]]. Heidi is definitely not innocent either in the whole rumor situation. The comment she made about Brody & , later in the season, about Jason and Lauren being back in the moviemaking business shows she either had a hand in the rumors or knew they were being spread & didnt do a thing. Heidi disgusts me….

    On the other hand, Lauren crying over the loss of her and Heidi’s friendship made me really like her, more than I usually do. It shows she geniunely considered Heidi a friend & she really felt betrayed and hurt by what she did. Heidi, however, was made cold & bitchy about the situation by her idiot fiancee.

    By the way, Spencer sounded really creepy with that whole “I want Heidi to myself” thing. Even if he was trying to imitate Lauren, he made himself look like a bigger jackass than he already is.

  55. 55
    blueberdie
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    Have you noticed that Heidi is started to have the same pasty-skin and bucky-toothed look as Spencer. Is it drugs or what? And, as much as I try to not like him, Brody seems to be a good guy. So what if he has no ambition, he’s still young. My favorite moment is the guys reaction when LC and LO entered the beach house. That was real. It was such a good guys moment.

  56. 56
    hilltown
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 7:17 pm

    I thought this was a great recap – it seems like you have taken everyone’s comments from each week and incorporated them into the next week’s recap, so they’ve just gotten better every time.

    Anyway, I actually just wanted to respond to Yankeesfan’s comment about Crested Butte. I know this is a little nitpicky or know-it-all-y, but Crested Butte is a HUGE tourist spot. It may be a small town (I think it has somewhere between 1900-3000 permanent residents), but basically it’s only industry is tourism, and I think that changes a town’s personality. The whole town revolves around the Crested Butte resort, so it’s not really as quaint or full of small town values as The Hills tried to make it appear.

    Was anyone else shocked that Heidi is not an only child?

    This is my first time to post, so I just want to say in advance that my ID has nothing to do with The Hills. It’s a long time nickname. I may love the show, but I am not that lame.

  57. 57
    blueberdie
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 8:22 pm

    I’m surprised that no one else mentioned Heidi’s comments that she “always wanted to be a star” ever since she was a little kid she wanted to be a star. So she was the townie from Crested Butte who saw everyone else just there for a good time. I’m sure she spent some time waitressing. It’s kind of the classic dream of being a star…..just hitch your little uneducated and deluded wagon to the likes of Spencer and Brett Bolthouse. That’s it plan your future around some LOUNGE LIZARDS!!!!
    Heidi is a pathetic cliche. I expect she’s a dime a dozen in L.A.

  58. 58
    MichyPR
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    I only saw bits and pieces of this episode so I missed the Spencer imitating LC part. Can’t wait to see it cause it sounds hilarious. Loved the recap Ting, good work.

  59. 59
    Munchkin
    Posted August 31, 2007 at 6:24 am

    Wait one second!

    Heidi is from Colorado, yet she made her first TV debut on Laguna Beach . . . She calls her stepdad- Dad, assuming she never knew her dad. How’d she get on Laguna?

    Have you guys noticed LC’s red Kabbalah string bracelet? has she been bought over by Demi and Ashton’s clan?

    IF Brody started the BC rumor about LC, they could be true because he did hang out with her for a hot second back in season 2 . . . maybe he told Speide about the dangaly tentacles, and then Speidi took it upon themselves to tell the whole world. i don’t think Brody hates LC enough to have don it himself.

    LC sure seems a lot happier this season. I wonder if she was on too high a dose of anti-depressants in the past? She has more of fun silly personality this season.

  60. 60
    Emmy420
    Posted August 31, 2007 at 7:11 am

    Munchkin, I think Heidi went to school with LC in SF and that is how she got on the show.

    And I totally agree – LC seems much more happy!

  61. 61
    memyI
    Posted August 31, 2007 at 9:18 am

    LC and Heidi went to school in San Fran thats how they met..you’ll notice Heidi’s mom says they have been friends for only two years

  62. 62
    mle428
    Posted August 31, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks to The Hills recaps, I am now referring to my condo as “Chez Janky.”

    I also noticed that I said “think yeow” to someone last night, in typical SoCal fashion.

  63. 63
    porcelain
    Posted August 31, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    grrr i had a whole comment written and then it got erased. -_-

    well maybe later..
    but @#42..I also think Justin Bobby TOTALLY sounds like Johnny Depp and kind of looks like him too.

  64. 64
    popo
    Posted September 4, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    I much rather read Ting Lee’s recaps (which are pretty good) then read anymore of this “I hate ting Lee, where is B-side, where is Honey Gangsta?” rubbish. And you know what the ironic thing will be, hell let me go U.S. of A style and just pre-emptive strike it for you “If you don’t like our comments then don’t read them!” same can be said for the you reading the recaps here.

    And stop being offended by the word “gay.” I completely know where Ting Lee is coming from “luckily I have managed to drop “wicked” out of my vocabulary-a move from Revere to SoCal will do that to you. I don’t know if it is possible to have a PC version of The Hills recap, so stop wishing for it.

    Endnotes: JB is a moron and Deadrina is more so (i.e. see her he is so not like LA guys. . . ” he is SO like LA wannabeactor/rockstar douches. He excretes it from his oily hair. LO does get better looking each episode and I have no idea what “think yeow” means.

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