The Hills: No, I-I-I-I Don’t Want to Fall In Love

The Hills

By Ting Lee | Wednesday, December 5, 2007 | 9:20 am | 41 Comments

This week on The Hills, a girl in Canada can stop holding her breath, Deadrina gets her hopes up again, and Lauren still fails to see the connection between Superbrody and Bustin.

Ohwhitney

Oooh! It’s Halloweenk!

For another one of their non-dates, Superbrody and Lauren have lunch at a place called Taste. Superbrody is wearing a hat and chewing gum, so thank god this isn’t a job interview. Or is it? In the voice-over Lauren hints she might want something more than the occasional roll.

He starts by telling our girl her eyes look very beautiful today (+ 1). Then he says they look “blueish,” but he always thought they were green (- 1). He also talks with he mouth full (-1). Then, throughout the lunch he checks out girl after girl who walks by ( – 1000). He even asks Lauren if she’s talked to Jen Bunney lately. He’s so cool. It’s so cool when a dude asks about women he’s fucked and never talked to again. Why? Just to make sure that your disinterest didn’t kill her? Apparently, Lauren is letting her come to her Halloween party that night, and suggests that Superbrody can hang out with her. Then they both kind of laugh, and we know that they still think she’s a loser.

Seafood

A seefood date! How romantic!

Here we are in the officecloset at Teen Vogue. Whitney asks Lauren what she’s doing for Halloween, and Lauren tells her she and Deadrina were thinking about having a Halloween party. Hey, editors! YOU SUCK! Anyway, Deadrina’s going to invite a new guy, who Lauren refers to as Bustin’s “replacement.” Whitney tries to get the scoop on where LC and Superbrody stand, teasing that they’ll wear couples’ costumes. Lauren protests, betting that Frankie and Brody will dress as a pair. Whitney suggests Dumb and Dumber, prompting LC to ask, “But which one’s dumber?” I guess Lauren kind of hates all her friends. “Maybe those guys from Night at the Roxbury,” jokes Whitney. These are both clever, outstanding suggestions.

Whitney presses a little more regarding the status of the relationship with Brody and LC responds that it’s the same as it always is. Which means what, I wonder, and Whitney wonders the same thing. Brody likes the ladies, says Lauren. Whitney advises,”And you don’t need to be one amonk a million.” But isn’t she already? Maybe they just snuggle. Still, says Whit, she senses a chemistry between them every time she’s around those two.

Are you ready to get slimed? Apparently, Heidi invited the She-Pratt over to talk about her problems. “Ever since you were on drugs and got arrested for shoplifting, I really feel like I can trust you with my confidences,” begins Heidi. “Mmmmhmmm,” She-Pratt murmurs, somehow managing to keep her oiliness to the T-Zone today. Baby steps.

Littlepowder

A little powder goes a long way. A lot of powder makes you look like a whore. It’s called balance, She-Pratt.

Heidi tells her about the fight over the supposed eloping and that Spencer left for the night without calling. She thinks maybe they should postpone the wedding. She-Pratt furrows her brow, but her only response is that the Monchichi loves her. Whenever I’m considering a big life changing decision, I prepare a little speech and have a younger friend come over to listen to it. I don’t cry, or repeat myself, or drink a bottle of wine in the afternoon. I maintain my composure and express myself quickly and clearly, just like Heidi. Heidi says she doesn’t have to mention it, but please don’t tell the Monchichi. Jeez, I wonder what’s going to happen.

I love Halloween. Adults dressing in costumes and getting wildly drunk is so much fun. Case in point, Lauren and Deadrina’s party. Frankie and Superbrody dress as Batman and Robin, respectively. Frankie’s pulling at the mask, complaining it’s too hot, and can he please have one more piece of candy, Mom? Lauren, who’s dressed in the most original flapper costume I’ve ever seen, asks Whitney what she thinks of the dynamic duo. “They look more like Sigfried and Roy.” Whitney could make a living off of suggesting insulting comparisons for these two.

Batmanrobin

Ambiguously Gay Duo

Deadrina is wearing a platinum wig and a polka dot dress, but I can’t identify the particular glamour queen she’s imitating. Whitney, of course, is wearing an actual costume, not just another way to look fuckable. She’s dressed as a lady bug. How cute! It’s hard for LC to make eyes at Brody when the smoke machine they rented keeps filling up the room and choking the guests.

Audrina

This is so much fun!

Lauren beats a couple of guys dressed as referees at Beer Pong. There’s Bunts beside her, adorned with atennnae and wings, but I can’t tell what kind of bug she supposed to be. Maybe a fly? Which bug is the weakest and most irritating? Superbrody yells congratulations across the room (“GREAT JOB, LADIES!” ) and Bunts responds “We just won!” Lauren explains that’s why he’s congratulating her, and Brody also says something diminishing. We get it. Bunts is a stupid loser every time. Every time. It’s still kind of funny, though.

Just then, Deadrina’s new toy arrives. He’s dressed as a sailor and he has an accent. Swishy dish! Bunts hugs Superbrody in the kitchen, so our girl gives him the two-fingered “I’m watching you” gesture. Is this how they hook up? Get drunk at a party and go to bed together? She’s not this territorial when they’re alone. Deadrina introduces her sailor to everyone, and we find out he’s from Australia, which is sexy, but the slug-like lip piercing he sports is not.

It’s time for Superbrody to “bounce,” much to Lauren’s surprise and disappointment. He gives her a farewell hug and jokes that he got a little wood from it. ( We all saw the Robyn costume pictures. The wood doesn’t seem that little, eh?) Turn out the lights, the party’s over for the world’s prettiest flapper.

The next morning, let’s pretend, Deadrina and Lauren go over the minutes of the party. It’s too bad Superbrody and Frankie left early, but Lauren says,”Sometimes it doesn’t work out.” Sometimes the guy you like can’t guess the secret plan in your head, that’s true. Or sometimes the guy who’s not committed to you wants to try other options even when you’re totally available. But the SAussie Sailor, named Corey, was a big hit! Everyone liked him! He was nice to everyone! He made an effort! That shows he really likes you! We’re not comparing him to anyone!

Twonames

Now if only he had highwaters, combat boots, and a second name, he’d be perfect!

At yet another unbelievable outing, the Monchichi and the She-Pratt arrive at a stationary store to pick up “The Heidi Montag Save The Date” invitations. First, when did Speidi pick a date? Second, hanging with the sis to pick up wedding stuff is a little contrived, ya think? I hope she doesn’t spill the beans about Heidi wanting to delay the wedding.

At any rate, the Monchichi says that everything’s coming together; they have the church, they have the invites, now they just need the party. “She won’t have it at Don Antonio’s,” he mutters. HAHAHAHA! That would be so classy. A Mariachi Rendition of “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” for the couples first dance, pitchers of margaritas, the Monchichi wearing a sombrero as he removes the garter. Oh, please, Heidi, reconsider. For your fans.

Sidebox-Mariachi-Band-R

Joo are da weend beneat my weenks.

The She-Pratt decides that even though she promised not to, she should tell her brother everything Heidi entrusted her with. I can’t believe it! I wonder if the She-Pratt was one of those girls who figured out three-way calling on her parents’ phone way before anybody else and tricked nerd girls into saying they had a crush on the hot guy who was silently listening on the other line. The Monchichi is nonplussed and decides to bail on the invites to go talk to his “future bride.” These two were raised with such a strong sense of right and wrong. An afternoon at the Pratt’s house:

Mrs. Pratt: (on the phone) Well, Joan just told me she has cervical cancer. She told me in the strictest confidence so don’t tell anyone.

She-Pratt: (giggles)

Mrs. Pratt: I know, it always DID seem like there was something wrong with her, and now we know why. (To She-Pratt) Go make mommy the special juice I like.

The SAussie Sailor takes Deadrina on a date to Katana, a really nice sushi restaurant on the Sunset Strip. His pants cover the tops of his shoes. He doesn’t appear to have a wallet chain. He doesn’t continually touch his dirty hair then touch his utensils and glassware. He doesn’t burp while she’s speaking. He’s self deprecating when he talks about learning to use chopsticks. Not that we’re comparing him to anybody. At all.

The only thing wrong is that leech-looking lip ring. Maybe he thinks his good looks are run-of-the-mill enough that he needed something to help identify him in a crowd. ( “Hey, which one’s your boyfriend?” “The one with the leech on his face.” “Oh, he’s cute!”) He actually makes conversation with her, even if it’s only about the weather and snowboarding. When she asks where they should go next, SAussie Sailor gives her the eyebrow and suggests they just go home. Oh, a guy after her own heart.

Leech

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous: Starring SAussie Leech

Meanwhile, Lauren and Lo go on a single girls date to Pane e Vino, a very “romantical” Italian restaurant. Lo calls herself a “loserface” for not showing up at the Halloween party because of her midterm the next day. Actually, her face doesn’t look as bad as it has the last few times we’ve seen her. New facialist? I know someone who could use a referral. Lo wants to know what’s the status with Superbrody. Jeez, really scratching for story lines this episode. Third round on this conversation? Lauren describes it as “limbo” and being “friends.” Lo drains her drink and says, “He’s more than your friend, Lauren.”

Lauren finally admits that it’s not that she doesn’t want Superbrody as her boyfriend, it’s that she wants him to want to be her boyfriend. Oh, god. She knows he goes out with other girls. How is this different from Deadrina and Bustin? Superbrody’s somewhat nicer? Lo suggests maybe Superbrody is having this conversation with one of his buddies, too. It’s like these girls just took a rocket ship to Planet Innocence and Double Standards. Come back soon! We miss you!

Unfortunately, Bustin’s influence still has a hold on Deadrina, because when we catch up with the girls at home, she’s wearing a blue snoodberet, the kind of thing a rastafarian might put his dreads or drugs in. She doesn’t seem high, just happy that her date with SAussie Sailor went well. “Everything he does, I’m not used to being treated like that,” she grins. No kidding. She describes him as “attentive,” “gentlemanly,” and he doesn’t “keep her hanging all the time.” Not that she’s comparing him to anybody. She even calls him a keeper. Whoa! The K word.

LC is supportive in her I-told-you-so way, but then she gets super girlie weird when she asks about the kiss. She wants to know if it was a “Thank you for dinner” kiss or a “I wanna kiss you but I don’t know” kind of kiss. She’s so into it it’s embarrassing. She practically wants Deadrina to act it out. She hasn’t been unselfconscious like this since Laguna days. Deadrina reveals that Bustin didn’t like to kiss which is a big EW for me, because ever since I saw “Pretty Woman” I always think that men don’t kiss prostitutes.

Feelhoey

Cindafuckin’rella

The Monchichi is reading a book about the Delta Force so he can learn how to thwart any attempts by outside parties to rescue Heidi while she pretends to clean up Chez Janky. He won’t move his feet out of the way, which is a perfect segue into a heartfelt talk regarding Heidi’s concerns about getting married. He says thankfully his sister told him Heidi didn’t want to get married before he spent thousands of dollars on wedding invitations. Grandma Pratt said he could use the emergencies only credit card, for chrissake.

Heidi tries to defend herself by saying She-Pratt had nothing to do with it, and she shouldn’t have said anything. So which one is it? She had nothing to do with it? Or, she shouldn’t have said anything? The Monchichi wants to know if the big wedding is just a way to avoid having a wedding. Huh? Heidi may be a lot of things, but sociopathic she is not. Is this a case of the pot calling the kettle black? Heidi thinks it may be, since he’s been acting like the whole thing is a “nightmare.” She even has the nerve to suggest he pushed her to move in, pushed her to get engaged, and she ended up sacrificing a lot of things.

Pratt

Ding dong. You’re prince has arrived!

The Monchichi rebuts that HE has sacrificed, HE doesn’t go out with any of his friends, HE IS WITH HER 24/7. This is the greatest relationship ever. When I look for love , it’s with someone who will be with me 24/7. In fact, they better mention that on the first date or it’s dunzo. Heidi says she’s never needed that, but it sure seems like she found it seductive at the time. The Monchichi storms out, and Heidi tells him not to come back. Oh, if only.

On her second non-date of the episode, Lauren wears a sleeveless sparkly dress to hang out with her friend, Superbrody. He is dressed in a flannel shirt buttoned all the way up and a baseball hat at a retard/hiphop angle. Did he get a record deal we don’t know about? Perez! Get on that! They gossip about Deadrina and Bustin, and Superbrody thinks it’s highly unlikely that they won’t see each other again. Lauren oh-so-subtley makes a comment about how some guys just aren’t good for you. Superbrody picks up her 24 pound hint and lobs back, “Oh, so you think I’m going to mack all these girls?”

She sure does, so she asks him to unhand his phone. I cannot believe he does this, especially since Lauren goes directly to his phone book and starts reading the A’s: “Alex Alex Ally Allison Allison Amanda Amber Amber Amy Amy Amy Angie Angie Anna Anna April Adrian Ashley Ashley Aubrey….Blonde Hottie…Bridget Wanna Bang…Britney Miami Call her…Britney Platinum Blonde…Britney Canada Whore…” With that last one, Superbrody finally reaches for the phone back. He says he’s accumulated these numbers over the years, and I notice, just like LC does, that his Iphone came out just a few months ago. No, no, he got a software and transferred all the numbers from his old phone.

Saniltrail

Please tell me Snail Trail is out of your life.

“So Britney Canada Whore is not getting a call anytime soon?” Lauren asks, sipping her Kir Royale. Good one. Superbrody says those girls mean nothing to him. Just trophy numbers? Scalp numbers? Hmmm. It’s left Lauren feeling unsure so she shrugs and tells him he can do whatever he wants; she’s not going to tell him what to do. He mumbles that maybe she should tell him something though and we’re supposed to believe they secretly want to date each other but are too shy to say.

Not buying it, kids. Superbrody’s a whore who won’t commit to Lauren because he can’t, and Lauren can’t commit to anyone because she refuses to have her relationships taped for public consumption after the last fiasco. Thank god Deadrina’s still gullible or else nothing would ever happen on this show. ‘Til next week’s finale, which may be our last. Come back soon! I miss you!

About

41 Comments

  1. 1
    jazzhandstheworld
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 11:37 am

    This show is nothing without Lisa Love. I like your slant: that Lauren is too smart to have her life be televised anymore. If any of my relationships from my early twenties were taped there’d be fifteen minutes of usable date footage (fifteen before we got all janky), and 48 hours of footage of me talking about the date and desperately waiting and waiting for the next phone call. She’s going to die when she’s 27 and looks back on this shiznat.

  2. 2
    AsIf
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 11:40 am

    Let’s play a game!(sorry if this posts 2x)

    Post your UN-popular Opinions.

    This has been fun on other boards. Just let loose your sincere opinions you know most people don’t agree with.

    Here are some of mine:

    1) She-Pratt is actually pretty. Besides the shape of her face she does not look like Spencer. Oh, and her skin isn’t shiny. Is that a joke of some sort on here?

    2) Spencer and Heidi like each other and have a pretty normal relationship with arguments, different interests and desires, and ultimate make ups and good times.

    3) Lauren is not that interesting to watch on television.

    4)Brody told Spencer about the beef curtains. Guys talk about sex in a vulgar way. Not just girls gossip.

    5)Girls pick boys over their friends. Girls pick boys over careers. Girls pick boys over college. Girls pick boys over their families ALL THE TIME. Heidi is not really abnormal, just a typical girl. Actually…Lauren picked Jason over Paris. I guess they are both typical.

    That’s all I can think of. POST YOUR UNPOPULAR OPINIONS!!!!

  3. 3
    grena
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    This episode seemed extremely short. And boring. Oh well.

    I saw the aftershow. Poor ‘Britney Canada Whore’. She called in and I felt bad for her. Its not that surprising really. Brody is a famous “good looking” guy who probably has women throwing themselves at him all the time. He’s also 23? 24? so its not like he’s going to settle down anytime soon. Lauren needs to forget about him. She can be his friend, but romantically she should just forget about him altogether. That Canada Britney was still waiting for his call. Typical young guy. Collect #’s, sleep around… nothing much more going on there.

  4. 4
    yankeesfan
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 12:25 pm

    i thought this recap was missing some of the funnier parts of the episode..esp the part when lauren was comparing corey to jb she said she mentioned how he actually bathes! i thought this episode was one of the best and funniest of the season. i can’t believe i’m actually saying it, but i actually agree with spencer in this situation (not that I believe for a second that this wasn’t totally planned) but heidi should be talking to him about their issues, not his sister…i wouldve told spencer if i were his sister too. and for heidi to say that she has sacrificed so much, blah blah blah…i wouldve been mad if i were spencer too! although his mocking voice honestly reminds me of chucky or something…

    how do u know it was actually britney canada whore who called up? did they get her phone # off of brody’s phone?

  5. 5
    jhaunt
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 12:35 pm

    Anyone else think that Heidi and the She Pratt have the same mannerisms when they talk to someone? I love The Hills and I’ll watch til the end but it is getting a little boring. I long for the days of Laguna Beach love triangle with Kristin and Steven.

  6. 6
    EstelleHairball
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    Great job Ting! I was laughing out loud this time. The photo captions were great, and I also liked the “but we’re not comparing him to anyone”.

    Lauren has so many positive things going on in her real life, that she doesn’t need Brody for anything. When the show is over she’ll happen upon Mr Right, and it will be “romantical”. (What college acutally accepted Lo?)

    I’m thinking the She-Pratt jumped in a vat of powder to absorb all of her slime. She must have gotten that tip from Heidi.

  7. 7
    myfavoritesunglasses
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    The funniest part of the whole episode was when Audrina came out in that hat and Lauren was like, “I like your hat.” Um, LIAR. LC, you’d never be caught dead in that thing. I actaully laughed out loud at how blatant her lie was.

  8. 8
    hollagirl2
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Lo was going to ucsb a while ago…. I ran into her at the market and ended up in line behind her. apparently she thought she was soo famous that everybody standing in line for their groceries was there to see her. She took a magazine and kept trying to cover her face and continued rolling her eyes like she was the most amazing thing to hit that ralphs. Honey, please, get over yourself. you’re a sidekick. and the only thing drawing me closer to you was the cashier waiting to ring up my purchases.

  9. 9
    RLR123
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 1:44 pm

    Okay, I read on Wikipedia that after the first season of The Hills the whole Paris thing was fake, she was never offered the job they just did it for TV ratings…Is that not right?

  10. 10
    NoName
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    My opinions that I think will be unpopular ( in response to AsIf’s post )

    1. I actually thought the blue hat looked cute on Audrina. It made her eyes look a pretty olive color and looks nice against her dark hair.

    2. I don’t think She Pratt is exactly ugly, I just think she looks a little drag queen-ish. She resembles Amanda Bynes a little bit.

    3. Lauren seems to have a weird sense of entitlement. I don’t know why I think this, it’s just the impression I get. I have nothing to back it up.

    I might come up with more and post them later.

  11. 11
    Scorpio23
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 2:28 pm

    Unpopular opinions:
    1. Spencer makes for great TV and the show became way more interesting because of him.
    2. Australia Boy’s lip ring is hot!
    I really liked this recap, one of the best. But I was disappointed that one of your stills wasn’t Lauren asking Audrina about the kiss because she got this manic psycho look on her. As Lo said, major loserface.
    If they do the Lauren Brody thing ONE MORE TIME I’m going to axe the TV. Lauren has discussed this with Frankie, Jenn, Whitney at least 5000 times,Lo, Audrina…who next, her cat? Wait, already did. The entire point of putting someone on a reality show is that they have a more interesting life than 95% of us.
    The only thing semi-authentic appeared to be Heidi and Spencer’s fight. It was one of the rawest moments on the Hills, if ANYTHING is capable of being raw on the Hills. But in a previous episode where Spencer said, “Get out of my car” he ended up hopping right back in after filming…so he probably walked right back in after they said “Cut.”

  12. 12
    fnllover
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    She Pratt is a cross between Amanda Bynes and Evan Rachel Wood.

  13. 13
    mattypopo
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    Ting,

    Hi-larious recap. Seriousley. the screencaps were some luagh out loud funny ( I like teh Don A’s one teh best.)
    And I agree with your sentiments about LC dressing nice and Brody lookijg like the King Adrock Def Jam years. I dress like a surf bum most of teh time, but even Iknow that when I am goign out with my girlfriend that flannel and flip-flops are not acceptable (unless it is In& out or a Cali Burrito.) Ithink it is a deffintae SoCal thing, because down here in San Diego all the dudes look like crap and all te owmen are dressed to the nines, sometime sit is hard t tell who is homeless and who’s not.
    Deadrina’s hat sucked. nuff said.

  14. 14
    SmooveA
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    Random Re: Audrina’s Halloween Costume…
    I just immediately assumed she was Madonna circa “Like a Virgin.”

  15. 15
    jesshloly
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 4:36 pm

    Can’t stand Lo. She’s one of those girls everyone seems to loove but is truly quite annoying and overrated.

  16. 16
    flallet
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 4:55 pm

    Thank you for the unpopular opinions! It’s way more entertaining!

    I think I would get extremely annoyed around Lo. I don’t know how Lauren can stand it. It seems like Lauren is picky with the people she associates with, so it’s weird she would pick Lo.

    Good job on the recap ting!! I’m going to miss watching this show and reading the recaps! Hopefully there’s another season. I thought this season was just as interesting if not more. If only it were not scripted or whatever.

  17. 17
    AnneM
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 7:53 pm

    Scorpio23 I do not agree with your sentiment that the only genuine thing on the show was the argument between Heidi and Spencer.

    I thought that was the most calculated, plot hiccup of the show. They have been planning this all season. We’ve been waiting for Heidi to get mad and although she is not a good actress, Spencer is so awful to her, she looked genuinely angry.

    I actually felt a little let down, they planned this for months and all Heidi thought to say is that Spencer is pushy. Geez if I had been treated like a prisoner of war by the Monchichi, you can bet I would have more ammunition than, you made me move in with you, etc.

    I would have a much better list of things including, no friends at all, no power in the relationship, no privacy, and he doesn’t work. Not to mention the fact that he has no respect for Heidi.

    I would have Spencer’s stuff all packed like she did with her last boyfriend and hired a delivery person to bring them to his Mom’s house. Then I would have changed the locks and either sublet the place or sell it depending on whether they were renting or not.

    I would change my phone numbers, told my assistent at work to say I’m not available ever and ask that he not be allowed in the place of work.

    That is how you get rid of a boyfriend.

    Oh and then I would have returned the ring to Claire’s.

  18. 18
    lalia
    Posted December 5, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    I agree with most everything everyone has said in their posts. Something about Lauren this season just makes me not like her. It’s her new found “fame”. If only US Weekly and E! would stop showing her… As for Lo, I too am irritated by her now, and I think it’s because she gives off this vibe that she does things like the poster who said they ran into her at Ralphs. Sorry Lo, you’re not famous by any stretch, but it’s always fun to ride the coattails of someone with more “fame” than you(Lauren).

    You forgot to mention the look of absolutely dejection on Lauren’s face when Brody left. It was the same face she made on LB when Kristin got Stephen’s attention at the little everyone is back from college party. She turned back into LC, the girl who was just never quite good enough. I think that’s why I don’t like her much now. Obviously she got her own show where she was able to be the star and finally get out of the shadow of Kristin, so it’s gone to her head a little bit. I think that’s where her sense of entitlement comes from. Whatever, it’s all good tv to me. Oh and I loved Brody’s outfit for his “date” with Lauren. If only he had just the top button of his shirt buttoned with his pants pulled up around his belly button…

    And Aussie Corey is HOT and I think the lip ring makes him even hotter. Of course, he generally fits the bill of guys I’m attracted to. I got a very pro athlete of the surf variety from him.

  19. 19
    miamaya
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 2:38 am

    Lauren is the most real thing about this show. Her emotions and reactions ring true. She may be the only person not playing a character.

    I found her very charming this episode. Setting aside her dissappointment to be happy for Audrina was a nice moment.

  20. 20
    ladyy2001
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 7:02 am

    i agree with most of the comments but i hate when people say that LC is not real. i don’t think she’s stuck up…i think she’s just really picky about who she associates with. and thats not bad… also, she jus happens to act a lil mature than most ppl…she obviously likes Brody and thats y she feels bummed out when hes running around with all of california.

    people also have to realize that LC is only 21, and I think she makes the best judgements she possibly can…and i do know that she can be a lil judgemental, but i think its b/c she’s been treated so badly that she doesn’t want her friends to go thru that …but she was happy for Audrina and Corey…

    Corey is hot, btw… lip ring and all..but we know that Audrina doesn’t stay with him cuz she was hanging out with soome model dude like last week.

    Whitney’s comments r HIGHLARIOUS!

    “New facialist? I know someone who could use a referral.”…ROFL…i actuallly spit out my coffee

    love ur recaps ting!

  21. 21
    sandiegoisonfire
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 7:23 am

    For anybody out there wondering, Aussie Corey is a pro freestyle BMX rider. His name is Corey Bohan, you can check his profile at on myspace or at redbullusa.com

    He is a well known name among people familiar with action sports. He’s won several X Games medals and is sponsored by some of the biggest companies in the industry.

  22. 22
    skippymippydoo
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 7:29 am

    1. The drama of the finale previews sort of loses its appeal, since these girls are in the tabloids every day, and we know exactly what’s going on with them. Heidi and Spencer clearly don’t break up, since they are still being shown frolicking around together in Arian glee everyday on TMZ. No fake fights for our benefit, please. And Lauren and Brody have both been quoted many times recently saying that they are just friends, and have been for a long time, so I suspect that that story line is bullshit.
    Enough of these contrived story lines!! I know that I would rather watch a show about what their lives have REALLY become–paps chasing them, the people they actually hang out with, their clothing lines and other endeavors, and just their day-to-day lives. Who’s with me?

    Did anybody else think Lauren looked REALLY good as a brunette??

  23. 23
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 12:18 pm

    mattypopo,

    I hope you appreciate the traumatic experiences I have suffered. In the past year alone, the most revered poster on TVgasm, has overcome a bout of meningitis and had to deal with a thief who stole her discussion board identity.

    Please have some sympathy for me. Your harsh comments truly hurt me. Please think of ME! Everyone else does! Get with it.

  24. 24
    jozeyg
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    I agree with Jhaunt that She-Pratt and Heidi have the same mannerisms. I was watching the show and thinking this girl acts and sounds like Heidi. That’s weird for Spencer to have a g/f that is like his sister. Hmmmmm……psychology time:

    When Spencer’s sister got arrested last year or whenever that was, he didn’t talk to his sister for awhile after that because he was really dissapointed on how she’s been behaving. Then he meets Heidi who looks like his sister and acts like his sister……so he gets her to do whatever he wants, he controls her………because he couldn’t control his sister, this was another way of doing that. A Ha!

    So yeah…..i dunno if that made sense or where I was goin with it…..but something along the lines of that. =)

    oh yeah……..Lo is irritating me too.

  25. 25
    yankeesfan
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    I agree – Whitney is a really funny drunk person. Am I the only one who actually likes Lo? I think she’s really and doesn’t try to be someone she’s not. A lot of girls, including my self, talk to their friends saying things like loserface, etc. I think it’s cute! She and Lauren have been friends forever and I like that they still are. I wish Jen Bunney would just go away though.

  26. 26
    steez
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 1:46 pm

    Whitney’s slurred Sigfried and Roy comment was the highlight!

    That’s the kinda stuff they gotta start showing – Hills girls getting shit-faced! We know they must get drunk at the clubs and parties, start acting crazy like normal 21 yr old girls!!

  27. 27
    Dani2526
    Posted December 6, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    I like Lo, too. She’s like that one friend you’ve known forever who isn’t shy about telling you the truth.

    I also like seeing LC more in control of who she hangs with this season. It was painful sometimes on Laguna Beach seeing her left out and disappointed. There were too many awkward moments for her.

    Is it ridiculous to hold out hope for a better, more authentic season to come?

  28. 28
    ClosetExtrovert
    Posted December 7, 2007 at 5:12 am

    Ding Dong- Your Prince is here..

    I LOVE Ting. I just do. This episode? Not so much.

    When will Spencer and Heidi stuff themselves in a bottle and ship out with the Japanese current? Anytime soon? And they can take the astoundingly UNDERWHELMING camera whore snotty sister with them.

    Peace and Love.
    C.Ex.

  29. 29
    georgiababe
    Posted December 7, 2007 at 9:19 am

    According to the aftershow, Jen Bunney was supposed to be a June bug, judging from the fact that she wrote “June” on one arm and “Bug” on the other.

    However, she spelled June “Juon”. Her intellect is astonishing.

    Whitney rocks, Corey is hot (even with the lip ring), I love Lo, I’m kind of over Lauren, Audrina is a complete moron and Speidi and She-Pratt need to do us all a favor and crawl into a hole and die.

  30. 30
    the_baddest_bitch
    Posted December 7, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    This episode was kinda lame. This apparent build up to the big reveal that they are trying to create just ain’t flyin’ and I’m getting quite bored (yawn) so I’ll just comment on some of the peeps:
    1. I like that LC has finally grown a pair and is not acting like a doormat. She’s still a nice girl, jut more self-assured. More power to ya girlfriend!
    2. I think Lo is funny and she is that friend that just tells it like it is. I get that she’s just a harmless sometimes smartass. Unlike LC’s other fake ass friends, Lo would have her back in a fight, high-heels and all.
    3. Corey is a hot mofo, but that lip ring has to go. I couldn’t tell if it was a ring or if he had a busted lip for a minute there. I’d still get butt-naked with him though.
    4. Brody is hot. He seems to genuinely have feelings for LC. He gives her that “look”. I think they are both too scared of rejection to put it out there. I’ve had that exact same relationship enough times to see the signs. Neither wants to make the first official “I wanna be yours” move.
    Nobody else on the show is worth commenting on. And I’m out.

  31. 31
    flallet
    Posted December 7, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    For some reason I’m not convinced Lo is that loyal. Can you really jugde that (or anything) from a reality show? One of the things that bothered me was that she was interrupting LC through their dinner. I think she got better by the end of the scene.

  32. 32
    blahblah
    Posted December 7, 2007 at 5:31 pm

    MY UNPOPULAR OPINIONS:

    1.) Lo isn’t really in college. Or she’s attending the same college that Heidi’s attending. Btw, poster #6, before cracking on someone’s intelligence, you might want to make sure your post has no spelling errors -> “(What college acutally accepted Lo?)”

    2.) Lauren’s looks are fading fast. At this rate, she’ll be looking 45 next season (if there is a next season). It’s time to think about wrinkle/line-reducing cream, LC.

    3.) The show is too boring to watch and makes Ting’s recaps entertaining by comparison.

    4.) LC needs a whole new batch of friends. I’m bored with her current ones (although, Whitney can stay). Maybe she should ask Heidi how to IM Kristin…

    5.) If it weren’t for the Speidi scenes, this show would be even more unwatchable.

    6.) I could care less if events are fake, timelines are heavily edited, conversations are dubbed, and fake relationships are created. Just bring the damn drama! All that rearranging for a boring reality show? Waste. Of. Broadcasting. Space.

    MY UNPOPULAR, POPULAR OPINIONS:

    1.) Leechface is very unattractive. He looks like a poor woman’s Brody.

    2.) Audrina is ugly as hell, so Leechface + Deadrina = AWESOME COUPLE

    That is all.

  33. 33
    Scorpio23
    Posted December 9, 2007 at 9:12 am

    Most of these people are in college. Lo definitely is, at University of California: Santa Barbara. My old hs classmate is in her sorority. Christina from Laguna, Jenn Bunney, and Whitney are all USC people (in Whitney’s case, former). Lord knows what Brody did or if he even set foot in a school. I think he’s a jewelry designer?
    I am a fan of Lo. She’s actually witty and not afraid to make a fool of herself, unlike vapid, uptalking Audrina.

  34. 34
    CoCo
    Posted December 9, 2007 at 11:08 am

    During the second season of Laguna Beach, many posters on this site were yearning for the then barely seen Lo. Now it seems as if so many people are annoyed by her. I, for one, am glad to see more of her and her quirkiness on a regular basis. She always provides a little levity during the tension-filled moments. She transferred from UC Santa Barbara to UCLA a couple of years ago which definitely allows for more opportunities to get together with Lauren (and for The Hills viewers to see more of her).

    I’m feeling a little dumb about Corey and his lip “adornment”. Until I read this recap, I thought Corey had a fake busted lip as part of his Halloween costume. Then when he and Audrina subsequently went on their dinner date, I thought that he had a real busted lip. It wasn’t until reading the leech lip-ring recap that I realized it was a piece of jewelry. Maybe it’s more flattering in person since it really didn’t do much for him on television except be a distraction on a good-looking guy.

  35. 35
    lotsofhose
    Posted December 9, 2007 at 12:35 pm

    1-Love superbrody with the short short hair-HOT!
    2- I am with Coco, thought Corey had a busted lip
    3-I dont think she-pratt is that revolting, especially now that she sopped up her face.
    4-LOVE LO LOVE LO
    5- Heidi confuses me, she doesnt have enough self- esteem to keep Spencer from being a controlling wack job, but then she out of nowhere grows a pair?

  36. 36
    tifne22
    Posted December 10, 2007 at 4:59 am

    I really don’t think that’s a lip ring…looks like stitches to me =(

  37. 37
    tifne22
    Posted December 10, 2007 at 5:04 am

    okay I retract my comment. I found him online and I guess it is a lip ring. I now agree with Coco…

  38. 38
    hollabackboy
    Posted December 10, 2007 at 5:32 pm

    Lauren is not “entitled”. I think people just have a problem with the fact that she’s a stronger person now. We’re used to seeing her taking all of Stephen and Jason’s bullshit on Laguna Beach and even the first Hills season. Now, after all the drama that has gone down in her life, she is just trying to make the right choices and surround herself witht he right people. She went through a bad relationship, was screwed over by two “best friends”, and had to go through her name being dragged through the dirt. So she is just careful who she has in her life, and who her friends put in their lives as well.

  39. 39
    heehaw
    Posted December 10, 2007 at 6:17 pm

    the collective brain power of LC, audrey and hiede is less than that of plant life. these stupid f%$king girls get the guys they deserve because they are just plain dumb. they get guys that abuse them because all they require is a “hot dumb guy” who just wants to pop and drop them. i love how they are always surprised when it happens, then it is the guys fault. the stupid sluts get drunk, spread their legs and act stupid. guess what that attracts idiots!? if not for mtv all these spoiled brats would be unemployed.

  40. 40
    creecher
    Posted December 11, 2007 at 7:27 am

    I can’t believe no one commented on the “party” at Don Antonio’s! That’s was the funniest part of this recap. I actually spit my coffee out reading it. The screencap was a nice touch, btw.

  41. 41
    Spring
    Posted December 29, 2007 at 2:24 pm

    Heehaw, your comments make me sick. You obviously hate women. You seem like the type to side with a rapist. No one wants to read your disgusting, despicable comments. Please go away.

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