The Hills: Sorry Means Never Having to Say You’re Guilty

The Hills

By Ting Lee | Wednesday, November 14, 2007 | 10:38 am | 86 Comments

This week on The Hills, Heidi and Lauren travel back in time to middle school, Deadrina begins her study at the Scientology Center, and no one learns the art of conflict resolution.

Forgiveandforget

What a load of sorry.

Evil StepBoss Lisa Love, still recovering from the shock of how young young Hollywood is, didn’t put in her contacts or curl her hair. She finds the officecloset and tells our darling duo Cinderellas, Lauren and Whitney, that they may go to the ball tonight in her stead. She even tells them to enjoy themselves. Did Lisa get laid at the Church Party?

Lisagotsome

Someone molted! Go Love!

Norman Lear is throwing an event called “Declare Yourself” to celebrate the power of the vote. What’s the over under on either Whitney or LC voting in the last election? No matter, they go to the website to register to vote, I mean, look up the guest list. Sally Struthers? Bea Arthur? I hope, I hope. Nah, just Leo D and Maggie Gyllenhall and Mark Ruffalo. They notice that Trent Rezhouse is on the board. Whitney gazes at Lauren’s face and says, “Interestink.” They wonder if Heidi is going to be there. LC stares at the screen with concern. “Well, we’ll just have to see when we get there and handle the situation accordingly,” says the newly competent Whitney. Grace and confidence look good on you, Whit! I’m proud of you! And too personally invested in this show!

Over at Rezhouse, the ugly stepsisters receive invitations to the ball as well. In truth, I guess we don’t really know yet if the New Kimberly is bad or good, but I think in Hillsworld, guilt by association is a safe assumption. Heidi has winged her hair back like Farrah Fawcett today, and NK kind of resembles Jaclyn Smith. Too bad Trent can’t hire another brunette actress, I mean, event coordinator to be Heidi’s friend. They could radio each other then karate chop LC and Whitney from behind while screaming, “Declare Yourself!” Heidi heard it’s the biggest event of the year, red carpet and everything. NK hasn’t quite lost her East coast sense that life should have meaning, because she responds, “Good cause, too.” “Yeah,” says Heidi, nodding like she just thought up a sexy suffragette costume for next Halloween.

Angels

I’m voting for Oprah.

The uncredited fifth character of Season Three, The Flashbulb, signifies the beginning of the night’s event. There’s Joely Fisher! There’s Eric Mabius! There’s f’in JT! WTF! Do they all vote?! NO way! Stars, they’re just like us! LC and Whit head towards what looks like the back entrance, pleased they don’t have to work and joking about who would have hooked up with Lisa Love. She actually told them to enjoy themselves! They do, with very large martinis.

LC tells Whitney that the “really ridiculously hot guy” from The Devil Wears Prada is there. I’m not sure who she means, because Adrian Grenier would more likely be identified as the guy from Entourage, the other dude is Simon What’s His Face, that Australian guy who looks like the less alcoholic younger brother of Dominic West, and then there’s Stanley Tucci the really ridiculously creepy guy. Whitney’s excited anyway and does her best valley girl “Whaaaat?!” LC returns, “I knoooow!? Let’s voooote!” Little do they know, Heidi and New Kimberly are outside having the exact same entrance conversation. They can’t believe they don’t have to work tonight either! The ugly stepsisters are wearing matching sparkly shift dresses. One is silver, the other is black.

Glitter

Do you think they called each other?

LC and Whit go out to the patio where most of the crowd is congregating. We hear Lauren yell “Fooood!” I wonder if elongating words in lieu of full sentences is the new party talk. Whit asks why Deadrina didn’t tag along tonight. LC says it’s because she has a date. With Bustin? LC nods. Whitney frown-smiles. ‘Nuff not said.

There they are! The couple no one wants to talk about is riding a motorcycle! There’s a shot of their feet as they debike. Dead’s wearing boots. Bustin is wearing All Stars and what looks like tights. When is he going to get his grown man on? They belly up to the bar. Deadrina pulls at the greasy nest that is Bustin’s hair. “Oh my god, did you know there’s a dead bird in here?” “Yeah,” says Bustin, “the bones and feathers help the hair dread naturally.” Deadrina throws the lock she is holding back at his head. Trying a different subject, she tells Bustin she got promoted at work. No longer a receptionist, she gets to help with artists, and she has her own cubicle and computer. Her first cubicle! Aw! Bustin tries to comprehend what she’s talking about since he hasn’t been inside any building where they don’t serve liquor in over 3 years.

Deadrina’s excited because she’s working with Sean Kingston tomorrow. Kingston’s manager has bought Hills product placement. Brody danced to his song in Vegas, LC told hired date Gavin about him, and Deadrina’s going to chaperone him at Jimmy Kimmel Live. Good work, management! Bustin asks if she’s nervous about it. She admits she is but “it’s her chance to prove—” He takes a shot of whiskey. Then he burps long and loudly. Then he laughs. She stares at him. He’s disgusting. I have to admit, there was a part of me that liked him because his alternating feelings of disdain and ambivalence towards the idiotic conversations and situations we’ve been subjected to this season reflected my own. But now, to quote Deadrina, I’m done with him. Fuck him, literally. He asks if she got his call last week. Suddenly, it seems Deadrina’s got the upper hand. She didn’t return the call. He calls her “Dude” and tells her if he says he’ll call, he’ll call. They make plans to hang out the next night after Kimmel. Then Bustin burps at her and laughs again, wearing the exact expression that kid in fifth grade had right before he had to move his desk out to the hall.

Bustinhair

I know my ATM card is in here somewhere.

Back at the hippest voter registration I’ve ever seen, the two cliques finally spy each other. “Remember that girl I told you about?” Heidi asks New Kimberly. “She’s right over there.” I guess Kimberly got to hear about Topic B in the car. Whitney says to Lauren, “Oh my god. She’s like right there. Is this horrible for you? I mean like this is horrible for you.”

Heidi decides that she is going to “say something to her.” Do it! She approaches Lauren and does her best 8th grade girl imitation: “HI,” she demands, chin raised. Lauren sees her eighth grade and raises to ninth. She blinks, narrows her eyes, and shakes her head condescendingly. They stare at each other. Whitney pipes up and introduces herself to New Kimberly. “I’m Whitney, by the way.” She extends her hand politely. I love that she said “by the way” as if they had all been talking about something else, like fashion or really ridiculously hot guys, without introductions.

Heidi says she hasn’t talked to Lauren in awhile and she “wanted to see–” she pauses for a split second while her brain comes up with something else besides “if you would ever talk to me again.” It gives her: “how you’re doing, what’s going on.” It’s too feeble for Lauren, so she tells Heidi she has to apologize first. Then she has to wear a sign around her neck that says “virgin” until study hall. Heidi says LC knows she didn’t do anything to which LC replies that having your boyfriend do your dirty work doesn’t make you innocent. Again, Heidi protests saying Lauren’s “sex tape and whatever” has nothing to do with her. The “and whatever” part is the catch, because it suddenly occurs to me that Lauren had confided in Heidi about certain private things that Heidi passed on to the Monchichi. It wasn’t Jason, it wasn’t Brody, it was Heidi who told him.

Geecantwait

Gee, I can’t wait to hear this recounted in the officecloset every day for the next year of my life.

Lauren asks her if she thinks it’s okay to say those things about someone and “go on and think it’s funny.” Heidi says “nothing’s funny,” but we all remember her joking about Lauren and Jason being “back in the movie making business” when they collided at Ketchup. There’s more back and forth, until Lauren tells Heidi that she’s a “bad person.” Heidi says again that she didn’t do anything wrong, and the look on Lauren’s face convinces me that my theory is right. I finally get the meaning of “You know what you did!”

At the break, the weirdest and longest commercial I have ever seen comes on. An albino Asian woman is drawing dress designs for Target in a room that looks like a soft porn set. She says she designs clothes for women for whatever they’re going through. Then there’s a scene of a girl (name-captioned like The Hills) standing on her stoop getting dumped by her boyfriend. The next scene shows a girl failing to pick up clothes from a dry cleaner. Dry cleaners sure do take a lot of breaks and close early all the time. Then another girl is planning a fashion show. Then the Albasian comes back, saying no matter what the occasion, party or pity party, it matters what you wear. Seriously? That’s how you’re selling clothes? Like it matters what you’re wearing when someone breaks up with you. Unless it’s just a sheet. Like you would ever wear it again. “I guess I’ll put on my dress I wore when he dumped me and sit on the couch and order a large pizza and eat the whole thing and feel like a loser. Thank god I bought this dress at Target. Otherwise I’d have nothing to wear for this occasion. I can wear this tomorrow, too, because I think I might be getting fired.” The other girls are losers, too– one’s boss is mean to her because she can’t use a copier, and the other tries on all the models’ dresses before the fashion show. Then they all go to a party. The end. The moral of the story is : If you’re a loser, buy a cheap dress at Target and go to a party. We design with you in mind. The commercial was 3 and a half minutes long.

Target

Stay away from my closet, you crazy Albasian.

Phew, we’re back in Hillsworld where no one wears a dress that costs less than 300 dollars. I feel better. It’s time for the traditional Play-By-Play scene. Deadrina sits on the couch eating vegetables. She offers some to LC. Lauren tells the story of what happened the night before at the Declare Yourself party. Her nose is curiously stuffed up. Cold much? Hmm. After they talk about how they can’t believe Heidi, they decide to get ready for work. What time do they work? 1 pm? Who eats a plate of vegetables for breakfast? Popeye? Someone’s been reading Skinny Bitch.

Sean Kingston and entourage arrive at The Jimmy Kimmel Theater. Poor guy has to maneuver his weight and his ill-fitting pants up a flight of stairs to get to sound check. Deadrina and Chiara, the actress, I mean, Epic intern we met last week, look on as Sean rehearses. At a break, Deadrina confesses she is supposed to go out with Bustin that night. Chiara, who seems too blunt for Hillsworld, says it’s not going to happen. Dead says maybe he should come by. “No,” says Chiara, “you’re at work. Besides, there’s no alcohol in the green room.” Problem solved. Dead laughs it off and says she’ll call him tomorrow. Could this be the end of Bustin? Don’t jinx it!

LC arrives at the officecloset, where she and Whit debrief the night before. Lauren seems so depressed and tired. All of a sudden, Heidi sends Lauren an IM. The editors cut to a shot of Heidi on the laptop at Chez Janky. What time does Heidi go to work? 3 pm? Now I know why The Grove is always crowded on weekdays. People barely work in LA. We see the IM chat up close. It says 5:34pm. This show, this show. I’m tired of making jokes about the fakery, Gasmii, but they make it soooo hard. Heidi wants to talk. Whitney chirps, “What did she say? What did you say?” as Lauren claws the air in frustration. She types, “What do you want to talk about?” Heidi wants to meet up after work. Lauren is quiet and conflicted. Whitney chirps some more, “What’s going on? Fill me in! I’m trying to help.” Lauren tells her what Heidi wants, and Whitney gives her the best advice, “Just get it over with.”

Digdug

Now, back to DigDug.

Sean Kingston signs autographs and teaches Deadrina and Chiara how to use the latest lingo. They are so white. “You’re poppin’” means “You’re famous.” Don’t say “Rock the house,” say “Tore it up” or “Shut it down” all of which, I suppose, are derivations of “The roof is on fire.” The girls laugh awkwardly as Sean wipes the sweat off his face and slides his eyes away from them. Hugs and kisses all around, and the girls are out of there. They are giddy, as they walk down the street and Deadrina considers calling Bustin. “No,” says Chiara. Is this what Katie Holmes’ Scientology babysitter was like?

As night falls on The Hills, Heidi arrives home at Chez Janky where the Monchichi is doing his daily scouring of Heidi’s bank account, calendar, email, etc., for any signs she might run away. She filled in today’s activity log but she forgot to erase the Ichat! OH NO! The Monchichi reads it out loud at her. She cuts him off. Did you ever notice the Monchichi’s eyes are perfectly round? They look like the eyes of those owl clocks that go back and forth but always seem like they are looking at you. Who? Who? Heidi says she ran into LC and wanted to put everything behind them. Strangely, the Monchichi doesn’t freak out, he just tells her she’s going to the lion’s den.

Sean Kingston sends Deadrina flowers at her new cubicle. She’s pleased. She feels like things are different because she has her own cubicle. What’s the BFD with the cubicle? There is a whole movie about trying to get out of your cubicle. It’s called Office Space. Maybe this new promotion will make her feel like she’s too good for a hairdresser who doesn’t want to cut or style his own hair.

Peephole

I so don’t care. Is my bra right? Don’t care. Hate her. Where is she? Don’t care. Is that her? Oh shoot I need an Altoid. Wait. So don’t care.

Heidi arrives at Hillside Villas bearing yellow roses. It makes me feel sorry for her, because she just doesn’t get it. It’s a nice gesture, but that’s all it is. When Lauren opens the door, Heidi hands them to her and says, “Watch out. They have a couple thorns and they might prick you.” Time for a personality test. Heidi, if you were a flower, what flower would you be? Lauren drops the bouquet on the counter. Heidi follows her in and says, “Well this looks different.” “It is different,” Lauren volleys passive-aggressively. Hey, can this get more awkward? Yes, it can. Heidi says she’s impressed because “you are very clean. Did a maid come?” Lauren says no, Deadrina makes her clean. “Congratulations!” says Heidi, running her finger along the coffee table to check for dust.

How to Apologize and Win Back Friends by Heidi Montag

1) Bring flowers that subconsciously suggest you’re not sorry and verbalize it.

2) Act astonished that things have changed since you left.

3) Insinuate your former friend is a dirty, spoiled slob.

4) Say something encouraging while making an antithetical gesture.

5) Once you have disarmed your opponent/soon-to-be-friend-again, launch rehearsed speech that implies empathy but no responsibility (see below).

Heidi tells Lauren she wants to apologize for how things went the other night, she’s frustrated, and she knows Lauren is too, and “so many he said she said stupid rumors and this and that, and I swear on my life and to god and to everything I really had nothing to do with that.” Thank you! Goodnight!

Lauren doesn’t even take a breath before she asks, “But did Spencer?”

6) Deny, deny, deny.

Heidi doesn’t know. Lauren says she’s lying. Heidi says if he did it, she apologizes on his behalf. (Do I smell controversial book deal?) She can’t control Spencer, and she had nothing to do with it. Lauren’s not accepting the innocent bystander defense and wants Heidi to plead guilty. She even coaxes the admission by telling her that she understands that when you love someone, you want to believe that they are good. The jury nods.

Heidi tries to defend her man by saying he’s not bad, which does not mean he’s pretty good. Lauren says she wishes Heidi knew how bad it was. Her mouth is pressed into that frown you get when you have to talk and you absolutely absolutely cannot cry. Heidi says she wishes she could take it back and does Lauren think she doesn’t miss her as a friend and she didn’t know what was going on. Lauren makes the case that sometimes doing nothing is just as bad. The jury nods.

Butbutbut

But Spencer has the high score on Galaga! How can you not respect that?

Our girl gets a little derailed and ventures into melodrama. She asks how someone could hate someone so much they could “literally” make them wish they were dead. That word is troublesome, isn’t it? What does “literally” mean literally? This someone is the person that made calls, made sure everyone knew, “this is the person THAT YOU WANT TO MARRY AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH AND YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT. ROOOOAAAAAR! I’M A LION, BITCH!”

Somewhere in there, Heidi apologizes repeatedly, with seeming sincerity, but Lauren can’t hear. At the end, Heidi simply says she loves him. It’s not a defense. It is what it is. She loves him. “Good!” says Lauren, which is a little like “You are!” Heidi has given up at this point. She’s not saying he’s an angel, but she’s not saying he did it either. Stand by your man, girl. He’s all you got. She just came over to say she was sorry for all Lauren’s been through and she’s so sorry for things that have happened. What a load of sorry.

Lauren says she appreciates the apology, but she doesn’t. It’s obvious. She’s not ready. She’s still hurt and angry. She doesn’t yet have the contempt and pity she displayed during last season’s Grand Apology by Bunts. The only thing left to do now is to give her prepared speech about the only thing left to do now. “The only thing, really, there is to do is to forgive and forget. (dramatic pause) So I really do: I want to forgive you, (dramatic pause) and I want to forget you.”

It’s well delivered, and it stings. It will also be the featured salutation when Lauren launches her ecard line for Hallmark Spring 2008. It’s called Prose and Conrad. Other sentiments include: “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t come to Vegas with us” and “If the shoe fits, pack it up and get your shit out of my apartment” and “Where there’s smoke, there’s your sucky boyfriend.”

“Yep,” says Heidi, picking up her purse. “It was great seeing you, the apartment looks great, and I hope you have a great life. Have a great night, Lauren.” I bet Heidi is really great at Mad Libs. She sees herself out. Lauren presses her hand to her forehead, trying not to cry.

Clean

About

86 Comments

  1. 1
    whatthefrig
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 12:24 pm

    DigDug! I miss that.

    The whole ‘chance’ encounter at the party was made of fakery.

    Isn’t there supposed to be a screaming match coming up between Audrina and JBobby? I so cannot wait for that!

  2. 2
    partysunflower
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 12:38 pm

    I swear i havent laughed since lCon did these, but anyway..

    There is an article in USweekly this week that Audrina and Justin broke up already, also Star is reporting that Heidi and LC are hanging out again being friendly to one another. Just FYI. I really dont give a crap, these recaps are so disappointing, i am always in a bad mood after reading them. Sure they are recaps alright, but i dont think they are Tvgasm material. Oh well just venting. Im sure i will get jumped on for stating my opinion.

    BTW- The timely-ness was impressive though, usually it takes a couple days to post a boring, bland recap.

  3. 3
    johnnyrocket
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    Sunflower you are a moron. This recap was hilarious.

  4. 4
    yankeesfan
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:00 pm

    I was thinking the same thing about the vegetable platter! Seemed so weird! Heidi is one of the most annoying people ever. She’s so fake…I wish Lauren didn’t give her the time of day. And I think it was creepy that Spencer was reading her im conversation…although thinking about it, I bet she left it up so he would see it.

  5. 5
    Joe Blow
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    No, you’re the moron, JohnnyRocket. Can’t handle an opinion different than your own?

    I agree. I loathe these recaps and marvel every week about the people who find them “hilarious”–I do think Ting does the best she can, I just can’t stand the writing style. The nicknames are tired- Enough is enough. Bustin is stupid and no one likes Bunts. Give it up.

    To her credit– I did like the screencaps. They were the only funny thing about this recap.

  6. 6
    Crystalis
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    This is my first time posting but I am a long time reader. I followed the Hills recaps from Bside to LCon to now Ting. It baffles me how people can come on here and comment on how they hate the recaps how boring it was ect. No one makes you read the recaps. That is your choice. If you dont like what Ting Lee writes then dont read it.
    Ting I enjoy your recaps. I also enjoy the show. Even if it is staged. Also these episodes are not live. So what we watch on TV could very well change the next day. Such as Heidi and LC making up.

  7. 7
    Joe Blow
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:18 pm

    So we’re only supposed to comment if we like the recap, Crystalis?

    “If you dont like what Ting Lee writes then dont read it”– how are we supposed to know that we don’t like it, if we don’t read it? Good logic!

  8. 8
    yankeesfan
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:24 pm

    OK – this is ridiculous..its fine for people to like or not like the recaps and comment how they please…but every week commenters go back and forth and back and forth about whether its ok to comment on not liking a recap…can we please just comment on the show and the gossip? No one wants to read these petty arguments!!!

  9. 9
    msu11y28
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:31 pm

    Well…if you’ve read all the other recaps to date and hated/disliked them, why do you continue to read knowing it has the power to put you in a “bad mood”….?

    Don’t listen to the haters Ting! I enjoy your recaps and everything you’ve ever written re: Monchici. The reference to him checking her email/bank account was great. Spenecer reminds me more and more of the husband from “Sleeping with the Enemy.”

  10. 10
    jozeyg
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    You put up the Pillsbury Doughboy! *hee hee*

    That made me laugh.

  11. 11
    dani2526
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 1:39 pm

    Awesome recap!! I laughed out loud at work. Does anyone else feel that these episodes are merely cracked out teasers?? I feel like we get just a small taste and a then a swamp of commercials…And yet we keep comin’ back for more! More crack, please!

  12. 12
    mle428
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 2:40 pm

    This recap made me laugh out loud today. Nice work, Ting.

    I thought Joe Blow had already figured out that he did not like reading Ting’s recaps. His negativity is posted all over the earlier recaps. Sigh.

    I almost feel bad for Heidi. I wonder how much of her behavior is simply because she’s young and stupid? My early twenties were full of stupidity.

  13. 13
    jito
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 2:46 pm

    I have never posted before, but feel compelled to tell Ting how much I love the recaps. I used to read Television Without Pity’s, but recently they have lacked the snark you really need for a show of this distinction. Every week it is comforting to come on and see that I’m not the only one who sees through the show and yet still cannot turn away, like some sort of car crash. A car crash involving a Monchichi and nightclubs, but a crash nonetheless. Keep it up!

  14. 14
    Hyper-Chicken
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    I have to agree with the previous commenters – its alright to have a different opinion however the constant bitching week after week about the recap not being funny or not liking the style of the writer is unnecessary and getting old.

  15. 15
    LNNC92
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    The part of this recap I thought was the funniest this week was when you were describing Deadrina & Bustin’s date…especially this part “wearing the exact expression that kid in fifth grade had right before he had to move his desk out to the hall”. I know exactly what you’re talking about and he was sooo that kid that had his desk in the hall! HAHA! I do not understand who would want to get their hair done by someone who’s hair looks that mangled. Plus I wouldn’t want him close enough to me to cut my hair…I can only imagine how bad his hair smells. Eew.

  16. 16
    mattypopo
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    Honestly, Flipits recaps are the only ones that make me laugh out loud. Ting’s recaps make me grin and they have good rhythm and I can dance to them. All in all, I enjoy them.

    Plastic Fantastic’s nose looked way too skinny in her Mexican Standoff with LC. I am not one to deride good plastic surgery, but this was a disservice to otherwise decent nose.

    Toothy McDouche just seems innocuous now. He is the bizarro version of Whitney. I guess the viewers can focus their hatred on Justin Bobby.

  17. 17
    flallet
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 3:19 pm

    I totally agree with yankeesfan.

    Joe Blow- WHO CARES if ting lee uses bunts and bustin anyways. I hardly even notice it. Get over it.

    I thought the recap of Heidi and Lauren’s scene at the end was really good. And good insight into how Heidi told Spencer about the “or whatever.”

  18. 18
    partysunflower
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    ya like i was saying, what does everyone think about Justin and Audrina breaking up?? He is hot looking but a total tool. I dont know why these girls even want relationships anyway. they suck the life out of you.

  19. 19
    partysunflower
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 5:15 pm

    Blah. Joe blow and I against the world i guess. Whiners, just post your OWN comment, your OWN opinion. you dont have to attck mine. Say something original, you may surprise yourself

  20. 20
    whit-ster
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    Hey, so I totally dig these re caps… I look forward to them more than the show sometimes. It really is just a big tease of a show. Very addicting though and I always want to know what is going to happen next!Also, where will be if Hills isn’t brought back! I’m so proud of Lauren. Heidi totally deserves the burn. She has totally deserted all that’s important to her for Spencer. It’s sad that you leave everyone that loves you for someone who clearly doesn’t love you in the right way. Justin Bobby is a disgusting trash. He is so gross and rude. What is with all these girls with no self esteem dating anything with a penis anyways? I can’t wait for next week recap or the show!

  21. 21
    whit-ster
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    Oh, I forgot to mention how much I enjoyed the recap of the commercial. My husband and I were watching it and going wtf the whole entire time. Meh ANYWAYS, it made me laugh very hard. The end-
    Whitney-

  22. 22
    AnneM
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 8:08 pm

    Ting,

    Another great recap. I have completely stopped watching the show. Your recaps are written much better than the scripts for The Hills.

    I am so glad that Lauren finally figured it out that Heidi is the one who told Spencer and Spencer spread the gossip.

    Now if someone could just explain it to Heidi, we could go on with the rest of the show.

    Maybe they will have to have some type of intervention to explain this all to Heidi and show her that the Monchichi implanted the chip that controls her behavior and her thoughts. She will have to have surgery to remove the chip and that will cause her breasts to collapse and result in the Monchichi losing his power of her and her boobs.

    This could be a power struggle of epic proportions!! Hide under your desk Lauren, those things are going to explode!!!

    Til next week Ting, keep on writing.

  23. 23
    shoes
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 8:14 pm

    wtf is with alicia keys showing up 8 times in a 30 min episode. Every commercial break… enough already!!!

  24. 24
    samxx7
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 8:58 pm

    whit-ster SO agree with you !! i was happy it was mentioned.

    I’m sad i agree, i think the recaps lack the type of humor i’d want to hear from this show. B-sides humor to lagunaconsultants attempt to give b-sides same humor(which worked for me) is what i loved!

    i feel bad i dislike tings style, i WANT to like it, reason why i read each week!

    don’t bash me for not understanding his humor, or posting my thoughts

    it makes me also sad, that after the recap i dun even have a thought about the show, bc its so shitty nowadays its like the media and such already say it for me

  25. 25
    MichyPR
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    Just wanted to say that I think Bustin is really hot but his hair is horrible and so are his manners, I can’t believe he burped in Audrina’s face,eww and then laughed like a stoner or something. Also I wanted to see if anyone else noticed that Lauren had a lot of wrinkles under her eyes when she was talking to Heidi at the party…although maybe it was the light reflecting of the sequins or something like that but it made her look old. I remember seeing it and thinking, damn Lauren has aged! Also, what was up with Spencer being all creepy about the ichat, psycho! And I loved the owl thing lol.

    Am I mistaken or is Whitney going on a date next week?
    Loved the recap Ting, keep up the good work.

  26. 26
    jenna
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 9:15 pm

    I have said before there had to be more to this other than someone saying there is a sex tape. Lots of people make tapes and Jason was her bf at the time so who cares, it never got out. There would be no reason for Lauren to be this mad/hurt over someone spreading a RUMOR of a sex tape.

    I think you figured it out. Heidi told Spencer private things about Lauren and Spencer told others. That makes sense!!

  27. 27
    georgiababe
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 10:44 pm

    Oy vey.

    So yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion blah blah free speech whatever. But honestly, if you don’t like the recaps, A) WHY do you keep reading them if you know you don’t like them and B) is it REALLY necessary to comment EVERY.WEEK. about how you don’t like them?

    You think B-Side is better, you think Ting isn’t funny. Whatever. We get it. You’ve already said it every week. Enough already. Frankly, if you read the recap just so you can comment on how crappy it is, you need to find yourself a new hobby.

    Personally, I like Ting’s recaps. They don’t always make me laugh out loud, but I usually get a giggle or two in, depending on how many screencaps there are. Keep up the good work Ting! Don’t let the haters get you down!

    ~Georgia~

  28. 28
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 3:32 am

    Crystalis,

    It baffles me how people can come on here and comment on how they hate the comments. No one makes you read the comments. That is your choice. If you dont like what the commenters write then dont read it.

  29. 29
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 3:35 am

    Hyper-Chicken,

    I have to agree with the previous commenters – its alright to have a different opinion however the constant bitching week after week about the comments not being fair or not liking the rudeness of the commenters is unnecessary and getting old.

  30. 30
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 3:37 am

    flallet,

    WHO CARES if a commenter doesn’t like the use of bunts and bustin anyways. I hardly even notice it. Get over it.

  31. 31
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 3:43 am

    georgiababe,

    Oy vey.

    So yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion blah blah free speech whatever. But honestly, if you don’t like the comments, A) WHY do you keep reading them if you know you don’t like them and B) is it REALLY necessary to comment EVERY.WEEK. about how you don’t like them?

    You think the commenters aren’t fair, you think they’re being mean. Whatever. We get it. Enough already. Frankly, if you read the comments just so you can comment on how crappy it is, you need to find yourself a new hobby.

  32. 32
    heehaw
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 5:54 am

    Heidi protests saying Lauren’s “sex tape and whatever” has nothing to do with her. The “and whatever” part is the catch, because it suddenly occurs to me that Lauren had confided in Heidi about certain private things that Heidi passed on to the Monchichi.
    BEEF CURTAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    lc, get over yourself

  33. 33
    tifne22
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 6:05 am

    Loved the recap Ting!!
    ..i was thinking about what yall have said about LC telling Heidi things and her telling Spencer..and I just can’t imagine telling a girlfriend something/anything about my lower regions..(sorry im at work)

    I mean- how in the world does that come up in conversation??

    I don’t think we’ll ever know

  34. 34
    heehaw
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 6:20 am

    i am sure they (the girls check out each other in the shower, whatever). it happens in every locker room in high school or gym. or she mentioned it. or SHE SAW THE SEX TAPES!!!
    LIKE i have been saying the whole damn time. THERE IS A SEX TAPE AND LC HAS BEEF CURTAINS. so it is not a RUMOR. I think lc protest way too much, therefore it is all true!

  35. 35
    coco q. puff
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 9:14 am

    Ah, the return of heehaw…your world of lipstick lesbian fantasies is so far removed from the way that female friends actually relate to one another. First, I think we have a consensus that there is a sex tape, no one is arguing against that. What we are analyzing is whether or not Heidi tipped Spencer off about it (since there’s no denying that he is the one who made it public), in addition to the other rumor about Lauren’s body that you oddly hold so dear. And Heidi would know about that because girls talk about their body image insecurities with their best friends, not because they “check each other out.” Why don’t you switch to commenting on the Tila Tequila board, I think it might be a more appropriate venue for your insights.

  36. 36
    coco q. puff
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 9:24 am

    Ah, the return of heehaw…your world of lipstick lesbian fantasies is so far removed from the way that female friends actually relate to one another. First, I think we have a consensus that there is a sex tape, no one is arguing against that. What we are analyzing is whether or not Heidi tipped Spencer off about it (since there’s no denying that he is the one who made it public), in addition to the other rumor about Lauren’s body that you oddly hold so dear. And Heidi would know about that because girls talk about their body image insecurities with their best friends, not because they “check each other out.” Why don’t you switch to commenting on the Tila Tequila board, I think it might be a more appropriate venue for your insights.

  37. 37
    Hyper-Chicken
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 9:27 am

    Oh Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict your cleverness and originality is only surpassed by your artistry using the cut/copy/paste functions! You cheeky bastard, you!

  38. 38
    coco q. puff
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 9:31 am

    Can everyone just take my comment for what it’s worth and not crucify me for hitting the post button twice? That’s getting almost as old as criticizing Ting’s recaps.

  39. 39
    shia0bundan
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 10:11 am

    ..The recap was good IMO. I chuckled. You can’t please everyone, Ting.

    Anyways. LC needs to get over herself, Heidi needs to get over herself, and they both need to realize The Hills is only worth watching when you put them together. So either fake makeup or let this be the last season.

  40. 40
    lalia
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 10:45 am

    I’m glad that I’m not the only one who is anti-Lauren. I think it is pretty apparent that Lauren is essentially the fakest person on the cast and she definitely thinks way too highly of herself. I personally can’t stand Lauren because she holds people to different standards…and by people, I mean Brody. When Brody hooked up with Bunney, she got mad at Bunney, but totally let Brody slide. Brody and Spencer have been friends forever, Spencer obviously said whatever about the sex tapes and Brody was either involved or super aware, but she let’s Brody’s involvement in the spreading of the rumors slide and pins it all on Heidi and Spencer. Now I’m not saying Heidi and Spencer are angels, but come on now. Plus, someone said it before, the lady doth protests too much. There is a sex tape. She goes back to being furious with Heidi because that was her best friend, the person she would tell anything and everything to and if something that personal comes out about me and I know it’s false, I go not to my ex best friend, but a different source. If I know it’s true, I’m going to the one person I told about it. But I digress.

    Can Kristin come back to tv because she was actually enjoyable? Remember Lauren has always been lame. LA just made her lame with friends.

  41. 41
    lalia
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 10:47 am

    I’m glad that I’m not the only one who is anti-Lauren. I think it is pretty apparent that Lauren is essentially the fakest person on the cast and she definitely thinks way too highly of herself. I personally can’t stand Lauren because she holds people to different standards…and by people, I mean Brody. When Brody hooked up with Bunney, she got mad at Bunney, but totally let Brody slide. Brody and Spencer have been friends forever, Spencer obviously said whatever about the sex tapes and Brody was either involved or super aware, but she let’s Brody’s involvement in the spreading of the rumors slide and pins it all on Heidi and Spencer. Now I’m not saying Heidi and Spencer are angels, but come on now. Plus, someone said it before, the lady doth protests too much. There is a sex tape. She goes back to being furious with Heidi because that was her best friend, the person she would tell anything and everything to and if something that personal comes out about me and I know it’s false, I go not to my ex best friend, but a different source. If I know it’s true, I’m going to the one person I told about it. But I digress.

    Can Kristin come back to tv because she was actually enjoyable? Remember Lauren has always been lame. LA just made her lame with friends.

  42. 42
    Scorpio23
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 11:09 am

    I agree, what has Lauren so mad isn’t the tape thing but the beef curtains thing. I’m not a huge LC fan but It’s pretty humiliating…who would want to be known for something like that? I don’t think Heidi would know/have seen…or who knows, maybe she had except I don’t know if Lauren’s the type to prance around naked. I haven’t seen my best friends naked and I don’t want to. But I think it is more likely to be an inside joke…Spencer said that Stephen Coletti, Jason, and Brody all said that..and they all would know, wouldn’t they? lol. Then again it is Spencer saying that.

  43. 43
    Mandymax
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 12:09 pm

    Quite honestly, I’ve never gotten the sense that Lauren ever thought she was/is better than anyone. She’s never said it – if anything, she’s come around to admitting some of the things she’s done were rather selfish and not the best way to handle them (ie Audrina and Justin Bobby). I think she’s completely justified in being so angry with Heidi. As for a supposed “double standard” with Brody and Jen Bunney, she’s what, 21? I find that to be purely typical of young women at that age, sad to say. I and many of my friends were guilty of it when we were in our early 20s. *Now,* I could smack myself upside the head for being so naive and unfair.

    If Lauren is coming off as a goody-two-shoes Princess, it’s because of the editing, not because of anything Lauren says or does.

    She’s a kid. She’s learning about life and repercussions of actions. Give her a break.

    My own two cents.

  44. 44
    mattypopo
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 12:11 pm

    A few things:

    1st-All you people leave comments in hope that either the recapper or another commenter will read and reply to them, so none of this “don’t read the comments if It is supposed to be interactive or thus they would not have a comment section.

    2ndly-You all should be panned for posting the same comment twice. At this point it is inexcusable, you all should know that whatever error messages it gives you it has a 99% chance of posting.

    3rdly-There was this girl me and a group of friends all hung out with one summer. She was a bit easy so a few of us did hook-up with her. She had vag lips that hung down a bit and everyone gave her the name Lucy Loose Lips. Was it inconsiderate and wrong, yeah it sure was, but it was an inside joke and we found humor in it at the time. I am pretty sure Beef curtains was an inside joke of whomever finger banged or humped our innocent LC. The difference between these jackasses and my jackass group is that power of the internet was not realized and so only 5 people knew about it instead of 5 million. When you are “famous” shit about you is amplified, thus the price of fame. It seems a bit naive of LC not to expect the good with the bad. She hangs and befriends petty people and sycophants or if she doesn’t she lets MTV choose her friends for her, what does she expect?

  45. 45
    shia0bundan
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 12:18 pm

    I will say that The Hills had portrayed Lauren as an angel, but my opinion that Lauren is a stuck up, fake, and NOT nice comes from watching Laguna Beach.

    I really could NOT stand to watch her work 300% overtime to try and steal another girl’s boyfriend and then, in the next week’s opening narration, call that girl a slut. Bitch, please!

  46. 46
    Joe Blow
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    To the person who asked me if I could provide some constructive criticism– sure. It’s no big secret that I do not like Ting’s recaps, but I DO like The Hills which is why I continue to read it.

    The main problem I have with the recaps is that it reads to me, like a fact sheet. For example:

    “Heidi tries to defend her man by saying he’s not bad, which does not mean he’s pretty good. Lauren says she wishes Heidi knew how bad it was. Heidi says she wishes she could take it back and does Lauren think she doesn’t miss her as a friend and she didn’t know what was going on. Lauren makes the case that sometimes doing nothing is just as bad. The jury nods.”

    It’s like the Cliff Notes version to me– it is not verbose or articulate at all. Just a bunch of “Heidi did this. Lauren did that. Heidi did something else. Then Lauren did something else.” It is a bunch of short, choppy sentences that drive me crazy. I’m not trying to be entirely negative here– I admitted I liked Ting’s captions and also commented that I liked the timing of the recap’s postings. And for example, I commented once that Ting’s recaps had no intros and guess what? She started writing intros! So, improvement. I also hate the made-up stuff, just like some people like it.

    It’s strange that people say it’s “old” to criticize these recaps, yet somehow it isn’t just as “old” to say you love them. Writers need feedback, good and bad. There are several writers on TVgasm that I like– ChickBomb, LoLo, Pachita, BaileyQuarters. So I’m not entirely negative– I give congratulations where it’s due and comment on what I don’t like. There’s no big crime in doing that. No matter how “old” you think it is.

  47. 47
    coco q. puff
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 12:49 pm

    I don’t hate Lauren just yet, but I am tired of her declarations of “good person/not a good person,” as if she were the authority on that. She definitely has a God complex. Good point about holding people to different standards (letting Brody slide on Jen), like I’ve said before, the season 3 preview showed her singing, “Brody kissed Whitney…” as if she didn’t just banish a “best friend” for doing the very same thing. I don’t think we are going to see that scene, though…producers probably decided it wasn’t conducive to the “plot” anymore, that’s why Whit is going on a date next week with some guy even though we read that she’s been in a relationship for a year…I love being condescended.

  48. 48
    tinglee
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 1:59 pm

    Okay, you guys, and Joe Blow, in particular,

    I’ve been debating whether to comment this week, because I don’t feel the need to defend my “style” or sense of humor. But the suggestions that I don’t know what I’m doing, etc, are hard to ignore.

    When I first started these recaps, I thought of them as humorous companion pieces. When some complained that they missed the show and read the recap to find out what happened (which is a wtf to me since MTV replays it a few times a week, and there are new inventions like tivo and dvr), I started writing quick, straightforward synopsis of scenes so I could get back to perceptions, insights, and jokes.

    And, Joe, when you cut and paste my writing, it’s kind of dishonest to edit out sentences that don’t prove your point.

    For those of you who get it and comment and defend me, I soo appreciate it! Thank you! I’m really glad you think it’s funny!

    For those who don’t, feel free to keep commenting. I do adjust if I think it’s a good suggestion.

    love and a big wave,

    TL

  49. 49
    Joe Blow
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    Sorry Ting, I thought I copy and pasted verbatim. What did I leave out?

  50. 50
    Joe Blow
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    Oh never mind, I see. I copied from memory. Sorry. Point taken.

  51. 51
    miamaya
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    I don’t get why people think Heidi’s comment about “your sex tape and whatever” means there really was a tape. What I got from that comment was Heidi, once again, fanning the flames and trying to keep the myth of the tape alive. This is not the first time she has taken the opportunity to create the impression of the tapes existence by being coy or ambiguous. She is plain devious.

  52. 52
    Alafoss
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 2:49 pm

    So essentially you want more commentary from the author and more varied sentence structure? I agree that Ting could probably vary her sentence structure more.

    However, I think the recappers have to walk a fine line between being very humorous and commenting, while at the same time providing a coherent plot summary for those who only read the recaps and do not watch the shows. It’s a difficult balancing act. I think this illustrated by the fact that a person can complain that about a recap reading like a fact sheet at the same time they complain about “made-up stuff” and be perfectly valid in doing so.

    I’m sure Ting will do what she can to improve.

    Isn’t this a lot more productive than flaming each other for subjective opinions?

  53. 53
    georgiababe
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 4:29 pm

    Congratulations on learning how to use the copy and paste function. I applaud you.

    And FYI, I have commented on Ting’s recap a total of two times (not including now). Only once have I mentioned how annoying I think the comments are. I don’t usually read them, but it gets tiring to have to sift through 20+ comments that have nothing whatsoever to do with the recap.

  54. 54
    georgiababe
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 4:43 pm

    And that was for Chee-Z-TV Addict, by the way.

  55. 55
    the_baddest_bitch
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 4:57 pm

    Jeez, where to start?
    Like a lot of you, I absolutely think that there WAS a tape at some point. While it was stupid to make the tape at least LC had the good sense to keep the one and only copy which I’m sure she has since destroyed. I think she’s forever pissed at Heidi because she told her about the tape and the skank told her boyfriend. Now all the girls out there know that they too have told their boyfriends or other friends things about yet another friend that were personal and private, but your expectation was that the 3rd party wouldn’t reveal what you told. Sometimes things are too good to keep to yourself and you have to share with at least one other person. I think this is what Heidi did with Monchi and it came back to haunt her because he is the fucking devil and he hates LC. I don’t think Heidi meant for the world to know that LC got her freak on in grainy technicolor, but she blabbed to the wrong asshole. I’m sure LC has some dirt on Heidi that she could spread, but she’s taken the higher road. This is the difference between a good and a bad person.
    Now would some of you guys stop picking on Ting? I honestly don’t even read most of the recap simply because I’ve already seen the show and I really just want to see what other commenters thought of it. What I have read is usually pretty amusing though. If you are one of the people that just can’t relate to her style, then you shouldn’t read it cuz it is what it is. You wouldn’t keep going to a restaurant that prepares its food in a style that you don’t like would you? If you don’t like what Ting is servin’, don’t eat it for fuck sake!

  56. 56
    heehaw
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 6:04 pm

    BREAKING NEWS!!!
    you heard it here first…
    TING HAS BEEF CURTAINS!!!!!
    i saw them in a xxx sex tape. “TINGS TANG”

  57. 57
    partysunflower
    Posted November 15, 2007 at 7:44 pm

    haha heehaw. loves it.

  58. 58
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 5:48 am

    georgiababe,

    I don’t usually read the comments that criticize the other comments, but it gets tiring to have to sift through 20+ comments that have nothing whatsoever to do with the recap.

  59. 59
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 5:51 am

    the_baddest_bitch,

    Now would you stop picking on the commenters? I honestly don’t even read most of the comments simply because I’ve already seen the show and I already know what other commenters thought of it. What I have read is usually pretty amusing though. If you are one of the people that just can’t relate to hating Ting’s style, then you shouldn’t read it cuz it is what it is. You wouldn’t keep going to a restaurant that prepares its food in a style that you don’t like would you? If you don’t like what the commenters are servin’, don’t eat it for fuck sake!

  60. 60
    partysunflower
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 7:04 am

    ya like i was saying, what does everyone think about Justin and Audrina breaking up?? He is hot looking but a total tool. I dont know why these girls even want relationships anyway. they suck the life out of you.

  61. 61
    murphena
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 9:43 am

    People have mentioned this before but I think the problem with The Hills (at least this season) is that what they are showing is only a very small portion of their lives and we’re supposed to believe that they’re living “normal” lives. Lauren isn’t just an intern — she has a clothing line and is a spokesperson for Mark cosmetics. Heidi also has a music career (if you can call it that) and spent her 21st birthday in Vegas — not “alone” with Spencer. And Audrina is now dating a male model.

    Are we really to believe that when they went to the recent event that all of them didn’t walk down the red carpet? It looked like they were going in thru the employee entrance or something and you know it was done just for the MTV crew. They’re splashed across the pages of People and US Magazine every week. Everyone knows everything about them and what’s not being shown on TV.

    I don’t know if there are plans for a new season but I hope if there is they’ll at least show the “reality” of their lives and not just the MTV version.

  62. 62
    Scorpio23
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    I thought the comment about LC having a God complex was really interesting. They never mentioned religion on Hills or Laguna in relation to her (Christina/Morgan were religious…sad that I remembered that) but it definitely fits why Lauren chastizes and preaches so much. Her cover with US weekly has an interview with her preaching all of her little rules.
    I also agree with Murphena about how they need to switch. It’s not like Laguna Beach where they were just high school nobodies. These people are really famous now (in regards to Audrina and Brody, lord knows why, but Lauren has paid her dues) and they need to show more of that. After all, how else would Ashlee Simpson have the ‘career’ she has without that damn MTV show?

  63. 63
    Opheliacat
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 12:22 pm

    What started out as a lot of fun — reading the recap and the comments — turned ugly and personal this time. It’s just entertainment — both the show and the recap. Love to see what some of you jokers could do yourselves in a day or two. Ting, you rock! Some of you folks need to get a life.

  64. 64
    the_baddest_bitch
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    Touche Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict. I still think y’all need to quit beatin’ the poor child up though or at least make the beat downs more fun. I like a little humor with my smackdowns. I’m still going to read your comments so clearly I don’t take my own advice. Whatever. I got a right! lol Have a wonderful day angry commenters:)

  65. 65
    the_baddest_bitch
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Touche Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict. I still think y’all need to quit beatin’ the poor child up though or at least make the beat downs more fun. I like a little humor with my smackdowns. I’m still going to read your comments so clearly I don’t take my own advice. Whatever. I got a right! lol Have a wonderful day angry commenters:)

  66. 66
    the_baddest_bitch
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 2:11 pm

    I didn’t post that twice. I got some stupid error message then it showed up twice. Please don’t hurt me:(

  67. 67
    Anonymous
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 8:29 pm

    So funny….it made me register to tell you how funny this was. Great work. I kept laughing out loud and feeling like an ass. Also, greeaaattttt insight into the Lauren/Heidi/She must have known some detail thing. Totally agree. That’s how Lauren is so sure….and pissed

  68. 68
    Anonymous
    Posted November 16, 2007 at 8:31 pm

    So funny….it made me register to tell you how funny this was. Great work. I kept laughing out loud and feeling like an ass. Also, greeaaattttt insight into the Lauren/Heidi/She must have known some detail thing. Totally agree. That’s how Lauren is so sure….and pissed

  69. 69
    Noodles
    Posted November 17, 2007 at 6:44 am

    Ting-

    I’ve never commented on these things before. I’m actually more of a lurker. But I felt compelled to actually register on this thing to let you know that I appreciate the recaps each week. Your writing styl is concise yet witty, the captions are hilarious, and you still manage to get the recaps out in a timely manner (a rarity on tvgasm).
    Keep doing what you’re doing.

  70. 70
    heehaw
    Posted November 17, 2007 at 4:00 pm

    noodles please go back to lurking. we already have enough ASS KISSERS HERE!

    PS. TING has too much meat between the seat!

  71. 71
    Opheliacat
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 3:23 pm

    Heehaw: Do your parents know what you’re doing on the computer when they’re not home?

  72. 72
    reckless_saturn_11
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 6:37 pm

    I just think that Ting Lee’s recaps are not as funny as the other recappers on tvgasm. She just can’t quite keep up with them.

    I think what also may help is less fantasy bits. Make fun of the actual events happening on the show. I rarely watch the show and mostly read the recaps. So I have no idea what happens with Heidi and Spencer because you make their inter actions into a fantasy.

    Longer recaps and more insightful. Write funny, witty. Show don’t tell.

    But regardless I HEART YOU TING LEE because you put yourself out there. You are following your bliss- writing- and that something to be damn proud of.

  73. 73
    blahblah
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 8:14 pm

    I agree with reckless_saturn_11:

    Less making up stuff that doesn’t actually happen. I don’t watch the show and some of the fake-outs aren’t so obvious. It all just makes me go to another recap site for some fact-checking, which I really don’t care to do. The reason why I’m reading the recap in the first place is because I DON’T WANT TO SPEND MORE THAN 15 MINUTES OF MY LIFE PER WEEK ON THIS SHOW.

    And that’s minute 17 writing this comment. Now I’m upset.

  74. 74
    blahblah
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 8:25 pm

    So I’m reading the comments now (they’re more amusing than the recap)…Why are Ting’s fans so upset with people commenting on how they dislike the recaps?

    @ Georgiababe:
    “So yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion blah blah free speech whatever. But honestly, if you don’t like the recaps, A) WHY do you keep reading them if you know you don’t like them and B) is it REALLY necessary to comment EVERY.WEEK. about how you don’t like them?”

    The answer to B) is “the same reason why people feel the need to say every week that they liked the recaps” – they’re expressing their opinion. The recap is public, so it’s gonna be critiqued either way. If you don’t like reading negative criticism of Ting’s recaps, don’t read the comments anymore.

    I have never laughed at anything in Ting’s recaps, but I don’t get offended when someone says the recaps are funny.

    And my answer to A) is “I keep reading them by accident. Every week I forget I don’t like them until I’m reading and not laughing.” I can’t keep up with who writes what show recap, but I’m finally noticing the pattern that I don’t like these. I think I’ll remember this time.

  75. 75
    blahblah
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 8:29 pm

    And CheeZ…that’s pretty clever of you to re-write comments to express the opposing point of view. I don’t think some of Ting’s fans get that while they’re defending Ting, they’re being just as judgmental and narrow-minded as they claim Ting’s non-fans are being. ^5!

    The moral to this story is: people can read or not read whatever they want, and they can like or dislike whatever they read (or don’t read). Got that?

  76. 76
    blahblah
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    @ coco q. puff:

    “Can everyone just take my comment for what it’s worth and not crucify me for hitting the post button twice? That’s getting almost as old as criticizing Ting’s recaps.”

    Is it as old as having to read and/or skip over duplicate comments? If you’re not a newbie commenter, then why are you still having problems with the double posting? Stop hitting “post” twice. It’s easy to do. Watch…This is me not hitting “post” twice.

  77. 77
    blahblah
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 8:38 pm

    @ Scorpio23:

    “I agree, what has Lauren so mad isn’t the tape thing but the beef curtains thing. I’m not a huge LC fan but It’s pretty humiliating…who would want to be known for something like that?”

    Right, and it’s not like she can clear up the falseness of that rumor in an undignified way. How ironic is it that the only way to prove that LC doesn’t have BEEF CURTAINS is to leak the sex tape? Hahahaha. Sorry, I like catch 22′s.

  78. 78
    uglycutie
    Posted November 18, 2007 at 9:13 pm

    I’d like to touch on a few topics.

    * I love Ting’s style. I get you, Ting. I’m the kind of person who has a “special” sense of humor and it takes off the wall stuff to make me laugh. Shit like Larry the Cable Guy or Carlos Mencia type of comedy, I just find low brow and retarded. Oh, and since it’s all about me and what I like I have no need to put anyone else down for their own preferences.

    * I thought Heidi should of just let it go after the party. She wasn’t really feeling the apology from the beginning and she just succeeded in making an asshole of herself.

    * IMO by the looks of him, I believe Bustin’s balls must smell like rotten eggs and day-old tuna.

    * I think LC has every right to feel pissed. If someone spread a rumor like that about me, I’d be HUMILIATED! Think about it. My mom, dad, family, and friends would hear this shit about me having a fat pussy. And my BOSS!!! I’d never get a promotion. Even if it wasn’t true, everyone would still see me as the girl with the fat pussy. LAME! Plus, I don’t give a fuck whom you think I should be mad at and whom I should forgive. When that shit happens to you, you make your own “right” decisions, but I’ll pick and choose as I damn well please. If I want to hate them all, then so be it. If I want to forgive them all, then so be it. If I want to forgive everyone except one stupid smarmy whore, then so fucking be it.

    * Last thing…I hated Laguna Consultant’s recaps. To me it just seemed as if all he did was “select all/cut/paste” all of B-Sides old recaps. Not original at all. B-Side was the best B-Side. Ting Lee is the best Ting Lee. Each with an awesome style of their own.

    Whew…now where’s my toddler? Oops..gotta go!

  79. 79
    heehaw
    Posted November 19, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    Opheliacat i bet you are sitting on a roast beef sandwich right now!
    HA HAHAH HAH AAHAAAAHAH HA probably smothered in sour kraut also.

  80. 80
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 20, 2007 at 5:10 am

    “* I think LC has every right to feel pissed. If someone spread a rumor like that about me, I’d be HUMILIATED! Think about it. My mom, dad, family, and friends would hear this shit about me having a fat pussy. And my BOSS!!! I’d never get a promotion. Even if it wasn’t true, everyone would still see me as the girl with the fat pussy. LAME! Plus, I don’t give a fuck whom you think I should be mad at and whom I should forgive. When that shit happens to you, you make your own “right” decisions, but I’ll pick and choose as I damn well please. If I want to hate them all, then so be it. If I want to forgive them all, then so be it. If I want to forgive everyone except one stupid smarmy whore, then so fucking be it.”
    -Posted by uglycutie

    Agreed!

    “B-Side was the best B-Side. Ting Lee is the best Ting Lee.”
    - Posted by uglycutie

    Hmmmm… creme brulee is the best creme brulee… crap is the best crap… interesting…

  81. 81
    Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict |
    Posted November 20, 2007 at 5:16 am

    “* I think LC has every right to feel pissed. If someone spread a rumor like that about me, I’d be HUMILIATED! Think about it. My mom, dad, family, and friends would hear this shit about me having a fat pussy. And my BOSS!!! I’d never get a promotion. Even if it wasn’t true, everyone would still see me as the girl with the fat pussy. LAME! Plus, I don’t give a fuck whom you think I should be mad at and whom I should forgive. When that shit happens to you, you make your own “right” decisions, but I’ll pick and choose as I damn well please. If I want to hate them all, then so be it. If I want to forgive them all, then so be it. If I want to forgive everyone except one stupid smarmy whore, then so fucking be it.”
    -Posted by uglycutie

    Agreed!

    “B-Side was the best B-Side. Ting Lee is the best Ting Lee.”
    - Posted by uglycutie

    Hmmmm… creme brulee is the best creme brulee… crap is the best crap… interesting…

  82. 82
    tvgasm staff
    Posted November 20, 2007 at 2:31 pm

    Alright guys, your rude comments are officially out of hand. There is no rule that you have to like a recap and free speech is and always has been encouraged at the gasm, but a few of you have sunk to new lows, and it’s bringin’ us down. So please remember that when you signed up for your user names, you agreed to these terms:

    “…by agreeing to these rules, you warrant that you will not post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, sexually-oriented, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.”

    From here on out, we will be using the ban button. Thanks for reading. We would not be here without you guys and we love you, but enough is enough.

  83. 83
    samxx7
    Posted November 20, 2007 at 4:52 pm

    umm isn’t MYL suppose to say something if needed to be said??? above me is a faker i tell you !

    wether people like it or everyone is going to say something bad or good about you, your job or your family, and by you i mean every thing about you. with tings writing some say they love it some say they hate it…sorry to say but ya gotta deal with it.

    I don’t cry the blues when i first meet someone and they don’t think my jokes are funny.

    And i don’t celebrate when i still have long time friends that think they are hilarious and love my goofiness

    just another one of my 2 cents

    the hills next week looks INTENSE !! considering all i saw in the media was audrina finding out justinbobby kissed a red headed hoe…to think it looks like audrina ATTACKS !!

  84. 84
    heehaw
    Posted November 20, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    samxx7> good call!
    agreed tvgasm staff sounds bogus. if not? what a bunch of babies here. people have been busting my b#lls for some time and i don’t care. it is all part of the reason we visit this site. entertainment.

    ps. i bet tvgasm staff has b__f c_rt__ns.
    wanna by some vowels?

  85. 85
    madeyoulaugh
    Posted November 20, 2007 at 11:19 pm

    I’d like to buy an E please?

    HEy guys, so Im just getting caught up with all this. Im not going to stir anything or start banning anyone, but I cant help but wonder what people expect to accomplish with bashery? not everyone likes everyones writings. . . you cant please all the folks all the time etc etc. I you have suggestions, Im sure people are open to hearing them, but Ting and the rest of your recappers bust their asses off for you guys and it kinda sucks to have their efforts shat upon.

    I hope to think you all can censor yourselves and remember we are all here for the love of tv and mockery there of. If a writer, any writer isnt bringing what you want or expect, you are always welcome to bring your own opinions of the episode into the comments section. Thats why we have them. Of course we love praise too so this is agreat place for that, but bashery is just lame.

    If Ting/Flip/ANYONE of your recappers ever goes on AMERICAS NEXT TOP BLOGGER (its only a matter of time), then Id suggest they have opened themselves up to a forum for abuse and mockery. .. but TVgasm is their home turf and you are the crowd they try to please. I urge you to respect them. . . but there will be no blocking or banning – - but if it gets out of hand, I have to stand by my team of talented writers and we may have to look into ********ing people. . . and as history has taught us, that just brings lameness to the site.

    Those are my 2 cents.

    On a side note, I saw LCs nipple at a party a few months ago. it was pink.

    MYL

  86. 86
    heehaw
    Posted November 21, 2007 at 9:47 am

    madeyoulaugh>
    PINK? WOW that is shocking news! i would have never guessed that color! damn, i guess you had to be there to believe your eyes..

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