Recap: The Hills: Where’s The Beef?

The Hills

By Ting Lee | Wednesday, August 15, 2007 | 3:38 am | 89 Comments

We all wondered what was going to happen after Speidi drove away in the UHaul last season. Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait for MTV. Those crazy kids on The Hills have been getting themselves lots of press. Jason is an angry racist drunk with a record, Heidi got a new nose and some boobs, Lauren is rumored to have a sex tape and an unbearably vulgar nickname, and Spencer is a shockingly immature blogger. But what we still don’t know is: are Lauren and Heidi ever going to be BEST FRIENDS again?

Hillslogdhdfho

They’re baaaaack!

We start this season with a direct hit. Lauren and Whitney catch up in their Teen Vogue officecloset. Lauren is wearing an awesome dress, as usual. Whitney has been promoted at work. I hope Lauren promotes her in friendship, too. She has always been sweet and tactful. Lauren informs Whitney (who apparently has been somewhere without TVs, computers, or magazines– in a coma? a bomb shelter? a kibbutz?) that people had been telling her “really like rude, horrible rumors” that ended up on the internet, thereby getting back to her parents.

Huh

Internet? Videos? I haven’t heard a thing!

Whitney asks what the rumors are and Lauren says they’re that she and Jason made “inappropriate video tapes.” She stops there. What? That’s it? What’s so bad about people thinking you and your boyfriend taped yourselves getting sexy? Your theme song urges you to “release your inhibitions!” Come on, LC. That’s what got to you? What about The Nickname That Shall Not Be Named? That’s the thing that would get me. It gets me every time I read it. For those of you who don’t know what The Nickname That Shall Not Be Named is, I’ll put it to you this way: there was a girl in my high school who had an unfortunate birthmark on her neck and the kids called her “Shitneck.” LC’s nickname is way, way, way worse than that. Whitney pauses for a moment. “Have you heard from Heidi lately?” she asks with sweetness and tact.

And we’re off. Today is, indeed, where our book begins. The new opening shows Audrina and Whitney as Lauren’s new BEST FRIENDS. Heidi is relegated to fourth place, but then we get our first shot of her new nose. Ooooooh! It looks like she put a clothespin on her old nose for a while and then took it off. Oh, Heidi! I liked your old fat nose! It was cute and it fit your face! Now you look like one of Kelsey Grammar’s wives. Boo.

200Px-Cheers Lilith

Hey! Give Lilith her nose back!

Heidi is sitting on the couch in her new home when Spencer comes in with delivery men. “DId you get the TVs?” Heidi asks. Nope, Spence bought a jelly aquarium. “What? I didn’t even know you were looking for a fish tank,” she says. Uh oh. Making large purchases without consulting your partner. Then Spencer does one of his “I love you because I hate you” maneuvers by saying to Heidi in a complimentary tone: “Are you working on invites? Look at you!” and then he hugs her.

She proudly points out her guest list for their house warming party, which Spencer undermines. “A guest–? I don’t think we have a guest list. Because I invite friends who tell friends friends friends friends friends friends.” So Grandma Pratt isn’t getting an invitation? He names off his dudebrood and asks Heidi who she’s inviting. Heidi, sounding hopeful, says Audrina, Lauren, and Whitney. “Uh, we’ll see if we can get them on the list,” Spencer says, meanly, and laughs. Heidi’s expression is hurt and puzzled, as if she’s trying to figure out why she doesn’t feel good. Is your nose too small now to detect when you are standing in a room with a piece of crap?

Nosedontwork

Must be the fish tank.

Heidi visits Audrina at Epic to deliver her invitations to the house warming party. I guess none of Spencer’s friends friends friends friends reach to Audrina and Lauren. It’s terribly awkward because Audrina acts unenthused and noncommittal. As Heidi catwalk stomps away, Audrina runs to the intern to tell her what just happened. Very naturally, she reiterates the plot line about the rumors. She says that they heard Speidi were spreading “mean, mean things” about Lauren, also avoiding The Nickname That Shall Not Be Named and focusing on the sex tape issue. Heidi’s big offense appears to be that she hasn’t called Lauren since she moved out, not even when the rumors were flying. “We don’t have any proof,” Audrina admits, but the lack of concern on Heidi’s part seems to have made her Hatemonger Suspect #1.

Lauren and Whitney discuss Heidi’s audacity. She invited them to a party! None of them plan to attend. Instead, they talk about going to Les Deux that night because Lauren always meets cute boys there. Later at the club, a tipsy LC drags a guy over to her clique and introduces him to Audrina: “I just found an adorable boy…from London…with an accent…who’s leaving tomorrow. Jackpot.” And he hasn’t read the blogs!

Jackpot

It’s not polite to call your steak out on being a piece of meat before you eat it.

Spencer and Heidi’s house warming party is in full swing. We don’t know any of the guests there except Brody Jenner. Neither does Heidi. The doorbell rings and there, in all her botched-nose-job sycophantic splendor, is Jen Bunney Jenner! Heidi smothers JBJ in a hug so hard and long that the Shunned One is dizzy with gratefulness. She didn’t even notice Heidi reattaching the marionette strings.

Back at the club, LC is text messaging. Jack Pot says something about how all Americans email constantly. This delights our drunken heroine. “American?” she slurs in a bad British accent. “Am I ‘American’?” I adore LC, but she’s being retarded. Whitney arrives and sits next to Lauren. Here’s one of my favorite moments ever. Lauren asks Whitney to tell her if Jack Pot is cute because she’s to drunk to be sure. Jack turns toward them just at that moment and Whitney, without hesitation says, “No.” HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Heidi and JBJ have a heart-to-heart on the patio. JBJ says she’s totally focused on her real friendships right now, which has left her with nothing to do. She was so happy when her Master Puppeteer called. Heidi says she’s glad Bunney is part of her fresh start because she made her a new costume. It has light brown hair, a sun dress, and a name tag that reads “LC.”

Puppet

Dance, monkey!

The next morning, Lauren and Audrina laze on the couch complaining about their hangovers, vowing not to start so early next time. Audrina stayed out until 6 in the morning making out with some guy named Justin. Aud has to inform Lauren that she made out with Jack Pot “more than once.” “No!” cries LC, surprised. They both giggle.

Back at Speidi’s place, there’s a curious tone in the air. Their conversations are so exposition heavy it’s as if Speidi are prepped by the producers as to what the plot lines of the show are. No way. That’s crazy talk. Heidi’s sad Lauren and Audrina didn’t come to the house party, but maybe they’ll be at this other club party tonight. Maybe. I guess we’ll have to see what happens at Le Deux, which is apparently the only club in town. Heidi gets dressed and Spence approves her accessories, whistling and swirling his finger at her to turn, the same way in which you would signal a trained dog to roll over and play dead. Then she tries on some shoes for him.

Newpair

Do you like this pair? They’re new!

He does another “I make you feel bad about yourself because I love you” maneuver by wondering aloud if Lauren and Audrina will show up at the party, a birthday gathering of someone they’ve known for three months, when they wouldn’t show up for Heidi when they’re supposed to be BEST FRIENDS. She helps him on with his jacket, and he says lovingly, “You come in handy so often these days.” You gotta hand it to the guy. He’s consistent.

Of course, Lauren and Audrina are at the club party when Speidi arrive. Heidi has prepared a letter for Lauren regarding her feelings about her no-show . Then Heidi yells “Frankie’s Birthday!” and does that dance move she always does where it looks she has a pretend noise maker in her hand. Lauren stares at her without expression until Heidi gets that insecure look that creeps from the bottom of the face upward. Heidi is manipulative, and she, or more likely Spencer, probably did spread those rumors, but I still hate it when girls give each other what I call The Freeze. I’ve never seen Heidi look so insecure so often as in this episode.

Lauren leaves the table in disgust. Heidi leans into Audrina and tries to pump her for information as to why Lauren is so upset with her. Audrina won’t give it up, and it truly seems like Heidi has no clue that the rumors are the issue. I don’t know if she said things and doesn’t remember, or she doesn’t think they would ever find out, but both Lauren and Audrina think she knows what she did. They lock themselves in the bathroom to read her letter. It is very nice and non-accusatory. However, she’s written this incriminating line: ” I know you don’t like Spencer, but I didn’t do anything.” Lauren says, “She won’t fucking admit it.” I’ve never liked Heidi, but there’s nothing worse than a group of friends turning on one without explanation. Maybe she deserves it, but all these girls need to grow up.

Uhohgang

Someone’s been playing too much Grand Theft Auto.

Spencer, ever the supportive advisor, encourages Heidi to “roll up” on Lauren and confront her. So she does. Audrina tells her she’s a different person than she used to be. Lauren puts her hand in front of Heidi’s face and says they’re not friends and she doesn’t ever, ever want to talk to her again. It escalates to them yelling at each other about how they’re both sad and pathetic and finally Heidi asks, “What did I do?” Lauren yells “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!” Heidi doesn’t. Audrina, apparently exacting revenge for Heidi’s 21st birthday blow off, tells Heidi she’s crazy and brainwashed. Lauren leans and and says, “What did you do? What did you do? You started a sick little rumor about me!” She doesn’t say what the rumor is and I’m telling you, this is about The Nickname That Shall Not Be Named, not the sex tape. Heidi denies spreading any rumors. LC and Audrina deliver some parting shots and then reconvene with other friends where they rip Heidi to shreds. Spencer’s almost got Heidi in full isolation. What a wonderful boyfriend.

The next day, Heidi tells her coworker about the confrontation. Her rendition is true to what happened. The pal is horrified and asks her what she’s going to do. Heidi doesn’t say, “Fuck her if she can’t take a joke.” She says,”I don’t know, I guess we’re not really friends. . .? I don’t know.”

Meanwhile, Lauren shows up at work in another adorable sun dress and tells Whitney about the confrontation the night before. When Lauren says that Heidi didn’t understand why she was mad, Whitney asks, “W.T.F.?” Oh, Whitney, you’re killing me tonight. Whitney notes that, “Lately, or ever since I’ve known you, it’s been really difficult with friends, that you’ve had a lot of problems with friends.” Well observed, Whit, but better ignored, LC. Lauren responds that her friends are Lo who’s moved back, Whitney at work, and Audrina in her apartment. All bases covered. Then she says she feels like one of her friends has died. Whitney thinks maybe she’s better off. “I am so far,” says Lauren, simply.

Areyou

Are you sure about that?

Cue the acoustic version of Rihanna’s “Umbrella,” and that concludes the episode. Feel the rain on your skin (no one else, no one else) or stand underneath the umbrella (you and me together)? Hard to tell on this one tonight.

About

89 Comments

  1. 1
    sarahb
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 4:59 am

    I HAVE TO KNOW – WHAT IS THE NICKNAME THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED?

  2. 2
    jennyebnl
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:12 am

    I’ve been looking forward to this recap since Monday night. I too loved Whitney’s reaction to “jackpot.” I can’t wait to read the second episode’s recap to hear the reactions about the lame engagement (and Heidi’s “excited” reaction), the artwork in Speidi’s apartment and the return of my favorite Laguna girl, Lo.

  3. 3
    omj75
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:14 am

    Great recap. Love the comment about Jen Bunny’s new costume. Keep up the good work.

  4. 4
    omj75
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:17 am

    Great recap. Love the comment about Jen Bunny’s new costume. Keep up the good work.

  5. 5
    kellyt
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:26 am

    The nickname is beef curtains

  6. 6
    kellyt
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:30 am

    Also, what is going on with Spencer’s nasty mouth fuzz?

  7. 7
    omj75
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:46 am

    I am the kind of person that isn’t offended by anything, and I find that name so repulsive. I can only imagine how offensive it would be to a young lady. Whoever floated it out there is truly classless.

  8. 8
    mandymax
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:56 am

    Heidi was so pretty last season. Now she just looks trashy. The overbleached platinum hair does absolutely nothing good for her, the chest is too bid for her small frame, and the nose just doesn’t suit her.

    As for her whole “innocence” act, she burned that bridge by her snide comment at the very end of the season preview: “Maybe they’re back in the movie-making business.” That right there told me she was behind the whole thing, and she knows EXACTLY what she did.

    She scares me. Compare THIS Heidi to the Heidi who dated Jordan in the first season. They’re two completely different people.

  9. 9
    mandymax
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:59 am

    Oh, and speaking of Spencer: I remember noting at the end of last season that he was looking incredibly gaunt and unhealthy compared to the beginning of the season. The downward trend has continued. He looks really awful, physically speaking. Is he ill?

  10. 10
    Lime23
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 6:15 am

    “I’ve never liked Heidi, but there’s nothing worse than a group of friends turning on one without explanation.”

    W T F?

    nothing worse? really?
    Gee, I can think of a few things worse than how Heidi was treated. One or two. Like, for example, every single thing that Speidi does, every single day.

    I see you’re concerned that Heidi wasn’t given an adequate explanation for why she & Lauren aren’t friends anymore. And you know, I’m sure it’s all been very confusing for Heidi. Perplexing, even. (Of course, she might have had a little more of a clue if she, say, bothered to call Lauren since she moved out, or after she was smeared over the entire internet, but that’s probably asking too much). Hmmm. Why could Lauren possibly be mad? Let’s see, let’s see. Let me think….. could it be that I said something about a sex tape, but now I’ve, oh, “forgotten” saying that? No, no, that can’t be it. No one could POSSIBLY be upset by a sex tape rumor. Yeah, everyone’s happy as a clam when there’s a sex tape rumor out there about them. And the nickname was Spencer’s idea, not mine. It’s just so confusing!

  11. 11
    kellyt
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 6:17 am

    Yeah, Spencer is a real gem. Do you think they are ever going to address the fact that he bought Heidi a CZ ring? Does Spencer have a job or does he just make protein shakes all day?

  12. 12
    zona9
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 6:59 am

    Man, I sure miss Bside. This recap sucks. Couldn’t they get someone who has actually watched the show in the past? I can’t believe Ting is appalled that LC and the other girls have turned on poor widdle Heidi. Well, gee, let’s see-Heidi has treated LC and Audrina like complete crap in the past. Heidi has also been caught lying through her teeth on several occasions and gave one of the worst denials I’ve ever seen when LC confronted her about spreading the rumor. Two year olds have given better performances. So, yeah, I’d say that LC and co. have every reason to give Heidi ‘the freeze’. What should they do? Hug her and kiss her, for god’s sake? Even without the rumor, Heidi deserves the loss of their friendship for all the other things she’s done-like blaming Jen for the Brody situation when she, in fact, was the biggest instigator that night. Or, like lying through her teeth to Lauren about what she said to Jen when she came to her work.

  13. 13
    zona9
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:01 am

    Man, I sure miss Bside. This recap sucks. Couldn’t they get someone who has actually watched the show in the past? I can’t believe Ting is appalled that LC and the other girls have turned on poor widdle Heidi. Well, gee, let’s see-Heidi has treated LC and Audrina like complete crap in the past. Heidi has also been caught lying through her teeth on several occasions and gave one of the worst denials I’ve ever seen when LC confronted her about spreading the rumor. Two year olds have given better performances. So, yeah, I’d say that LC and co. have every reason to give Heidi ‘the freeze’. What should they do? Hug her and kiss her, for god’s sake? Even without the rumor, Heidi deserves the loss of their friendship for all the other things she’s done-like blaming Jen for the Brody situation when she, in fact, was the biggest instigator that night. Or, like lying through her teeth to Lauren about what she said to Jen when she came to her work.

  14. 14
    karamelsundai
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:04 am

    I like LC and I honestly don’t even know why MTV is still focusing on Heidi and Spencer if its Lauren’s show. I know drama makes for good tv but I really despise those 2 and would be happy if they just took them off of the show, I can guarantee that their relationship would be over as soon as that happens. Spencer is using Heidi because she is a ditz and he can get camera time and slight z-list fame. Hopefully there are no plans for a spin off show for these 2 ever especially with the $700 lab grown diamond enagement ring which MTV may try to spin off into a wedding special and I really hope hell freezes over before these 2 can even procreate.

  15. 15
    zona9
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:06 am

    Man, I sure miss Bside. This recap sucks. Couldn’t they get someone who has actually watched the show in the past? I can’t believe Ting is appalled that LC and the other girls have turned on poor widdle Heidi. Well, gee, let’s see-Heidi has treated LC and Audrina like complete crap in the past. Heidi has also been caught lying through her teeth on several occasions and gave one of the worst denials I’ve ever seen when LC confronted her about spreading the rumor. Two year olds have given better performances. So, yeah, I’d say that LC and co. have every reason to give Heidi ‘the freeze’. What should they do? Hug her and kiss her, for god’s sake? Even without the rumor, Heidi deserves the loss of their friendship for all the other things she’s done-like blaming Jen for the Brody situation when she, in fact, was the biggest instigator that night. Or, like lying through her teeth to Lauren about what she said to Jen when she came to her work.

  16. 16
    k-hills
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:17 am

    What about Aud’s new (old) flame comin back?! I think Lauren isn’t going to approve because she doesnt want to be a lonely, single girl at home…with the kitten (where did that come from by the way and why the hell does it have a shirt on??)
    Ting- add more humor and sly remarks in here! good job for the first one though!

  17. 17
    sarahb
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:19 am

    REALLY? That is the nickname? I am NOT quite sure what it means, but I can certainly get an idea. That is awful. Poor girl. And the mouth fuzz? Horrific.

  18. 18
    djgroovyslug
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:23 am

    I agree, I miss B-Side. Why is Ting on Team Speidi? I mean, yes, it does seem like Heidi is a bit confused about how this all just fell apart but honestly, there’s way too much history being ignored here to assume that LC is just giving her the cold shoulder for no reason.

    Furthermore The Hills is neither the time nor the place for maturity: “all these girls need to grow up.” Well, thank you Captain Obvious! What did you think the last two seasons were about, the girls discussing world politics while complimenting each other on the polo field?

    LC: “Heidi, I disapprove of the way Spencer treats you and you deserve better.”
    Heidi: “I respect your opinion and chose not to take your advice at this moment.”
    LC: “I respect that you respect my opinion. Shall we retire to the Pinkberry?”
    Heidi: “Indeed.”

  19. 19
    ting lee
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:37 am

    Hey, so glad everybody’s watching and reading. I want to make two things clear: I am a HUGE fan of the show and have been in Lauren’s camp since Laguna Beach. I knew some of you would be offended that I had a little sympathy for Heidi this week, but my gut feeling is there’s a panic alarm going off in Heidi’s pea brain that she’s choosing to ignore. This is a totally different girl than the one who left Jordan at the New Year’s party to accompany Lauren home. I hope one day she wakes up and can admit that dating Spencer made her a crazy manipulative liar, but today is not that day.

  20. 20
    BonaFide
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:39 am

    Dear Ting Lee,

    Heidi deserves everything she’s getting and more. Even if she didn’t start those awful rumors, why on earth would Lauren want to be friends with her after watching Season 2 and finding out that Heidi encouraged Jen to hook up with Brody? I hope MTV eventually cuts Speidi out of the series altogether. Two despicable human beings. Really!

    Yours,
    Julia

  21. 21
    justin-bobby1982
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:10 am

    DJGROOVYSLUG–you should be the new b-side–I like your writing style. Ting, you did a good job ‘recaping’ the episode but what makes these reviews worth reading is the hilarious interpretation and whitty comments about the stupidity and irony of the show’s situations and characters.

    That being said, when can we expect to read a recap of episode #2?

    I really hope we hear from LC’s mom on here this season, I love getting the inside scoop…

    Seriously, what’s with Justin-Bobby?? Such a tool…

  22. 22
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:18 am

    Ting Lee,

    Loved the title of the recap – hilarious

  23. 23
    kellyt
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:26 am

    Ting Lee – the recap was great. Keep the “whitty” comments coming ;)

  24. 24
    lovelyleo
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:45 am

    Wow! How could anyone have any sympathy for “poor little Heidi”? This girl has made her bed and can wallow in it with her PIG of a BF. That was, without a doubt, one of the worst, and guiltiest denials I have ever heard!!! This girl knows what she did and is shocked she got caught! Haha…that’s why no one likes you and you got a $770 “engagement” ring – without an actual proposal. Speidi has spent the last few weeks saying the show is scripted, but the most scripted parts are the ones they’re in…losers!

  25. 25
    Montague
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:47 am

    Love the recap. It’s so funny I might have to start watching the program again.

  26. 26
    lovelyleo
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:49 am

    Wow! How could anyone have any sympathy for “poor little Heidi”? This girl has made her bed and can wallow in it with her PIG of a BF. That was, without a doubt, one of the worst, and guiltiest denials I have ever heard!!! This girl knows what she did and is shocked she got caught! Haha…that’s why no one likes you and you got a $770 “engagement” ring – without an actual proposal. Speidi has spent the last few weeks saying the show is scripted, but the most scripted parts are the ones they’re in…losers!

  27. 27
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:55 am

    jumping ahead to episode #2:
    I ave to admit, I’m concerned about LC’s reactions to the ‘Drina’s old/new hook up.

    Has LC learned nothing in the year?

    You don’t get between a friend and her man. You can tell her she’s making a moronic choice but then you leave it alone.
    Be there for her if/when it falls apart. Refrain from telling her “I told you so”.

    (& for the ‘Drina’s sake, lets hope that comes sooner rather than later – seriously….Justin/Bobby? WTF?? so many issues, so little time)

    Is LC more concerned with being right, than being a supportive friend?

    not sure I like this side of her.

    and by “side” I mean this edited, MTV construed, reality scripted side.

  28. 28
    zona9
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 9:41 am

    ‘”Heidi, I disapprove of the way Spencer treats you and you deserve better.”
    Heidi: “I respect your opinion and chose not to take your advice at this moment.”
    LC: “I respect that you respect my opinion. Shall we retire to the Pinkberry?”
    Heidi: “Indeed’

    ROFL!

    ‘DJGROOVYSLUG–you should be the new b-side’

    Absolutely, I second that.

  29. 29
    zona9
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 9:44 am

    ‘”Heidi, I disapprove of the way Spencer treats you and you deserve better.”
    Heidi: “I respect your opinion and chose not to take your advice at this moment.”
    LC: “I respect that you respect my opinion. Shall we retire to the Pinkberry?”
    Heidi: “Indeed’

    ROFL!

    ‘DJGROOVYSLUG–you should be the new b-side’

    Absolutely, I second that.

  30. 30
    MissKatrina
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 9:45 am

    Good first recap, Ting! I’m sure you realize you’re up against a crowd of rabid Hills-watchers here. I’ve got faith in you :-)

    Where to begin…

    1) “the nickname” disgusts me; EVERYONE’S lady parts look different!! As such, that name is just a cruel shot.

    2) I agree that Heidi’s hair/eyebrows are too light, her whole visage is the color of evaporated milk.

    3) Was “the ring” freakishly huge such that it fit Spence-tard’s hand, or does he have freakishly wee fingers? Regardless, I’m fairly certain that my grandma picked up a similar item from the Home Shopping Network. Part of the Suzanne Somers line, I believe…

    Can’t wait for the Episode 2 recap!!

  31. 31
    MissKatrina
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 9:48 am

    Good first recap, Ting! I’m sure you realize you’re up against a crowd of rabid Hills-watchers here. I’ve got faith in you :-)

    Where to begin…

    1) “the nickname” disgusts me; EVERYONE’S lady parts look different!! As such, that name is just a cruel shot.

    2) I agree that Heidi’s hair/eyebrows are too light, her whole visage is the color of evaporated milk.

    3) Was “the ring” freakishly huge such that it fit Spence-tard’s hand, or does he have freakishly wee fingers? Regardless, I’m fairly certain that my grandma picked up a similar item from the Home Shopping Network. Part of the Suzanne Somers line, I believe…

    Can’t wait for the Episode 2 recap!!

  32. 32
    jla85
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 9:57 am

    I know that the episode 2 recap is not up yet, but I can’t keep this in any longer.

    Did anyone notice how Spencer ‘bought’ that ‘engagement’ ring for Heidi? What an arse. First, he talks with Brody about how much he is going to be spend and such. Then he goes to a store OUTSIDE L.A…and its not even a jewelry store! I’m sorry, but when I get engaged, I want my husband to do some research and NOT go to a store that also sells clothing, purses, and random paraphenelia. (P.S. Love the ‘they sell a lot of high end stuff here’ line that Spencer used when Brody said something about the purses.)

    And did anyone else notice how when he went to the ‘high end’ side of the case that the saleswoman only said that the rings were ’18 carat gold’ and nothing at all about the actually gems? And then she basically picked out a random one and Spencer stuck with it? Yeah, he really gives a shit.

    And let’s not even go there about hte ‘proposal.’ Lamest proposal ever…he didn’t even ask her to marry him!

  33. 33
    TakingBackSunday
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 10:03 am

    The jackpot scene was by far the best of both episodes. Not only was it funny, but it seemed to be the only part that wasn’t scripted..

    And how awful is it that im actually looking forward to the return of Jason, and the chance that he might go into one of his drunken rages and beat the shit out of Spencer.

  34. 34
    2 Old 4 This
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 10:39 am

    The Ring, The Ring, The Ring!

    jla85 – I was wondering if maybe Toothy McDouch ended up outside LA because Ice was the only place that would partake of this self promoting BS:
    “Hey, I’m a big time promoter and can get you a spot on The Hills if you give me some free bling”

    Ever hear of platinum Spence-tard?

    and then when they were leaving the store:
    “Oh, you were a very good, er…um… helper”

    truly gifted

  35. 35
    boombastic
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 10:43 am

    Love this episode. Is it me or does LC get more gorgeous every season, her and Whitney. I am loving the new LC, she seems to be confident and not taking any crap from heidi. Love the way she told her off. People who believe that Heiho is innocent obviously have not watch the hills since she had that same look on her face when LC confronted her about the jen/brody hook up. She is so guilty. Spencer is a piece of shit… i am not going to waste my time on him.

    We need more Whitney and less Audrina. She should not have contributed anything in the fight between LC and Heidi because simply it is none of her business.

    As far as speidi less of them would be great for the sure because without the LC drama they are quite boring. I cannot wait to see LC date a bunch of guys and Jason comes back to kick spencer’s ass!!!

  36. 36
    shia0bundan
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 10:46 am

    How the hell is Ting Lee on team Speidi?

    How many more times does she have to say “I adore Lauren” or talk about her cute dress?????? Are you all THAT in love with LC that a LITTLE objectivity deserves an angry tirade? Oh yeah, and fuck off with the B-Side comments, HOW OLD IS THAT TIRED COMMENT? Ting and some of the more recent staff are a hell of a lot better than some shitty replacement writers we’ve had to sit through in the past.

    I find everyone on The Hills pretty dislikeable, but the drama is great TV. I don’t feel like this show has a protagonist… they’re all such whiny brats.

    Lauren- I hope to GOD girls (and women that watch the show) do not see this chick as a role model. Yes, let us all hope that, after we (parents) get filthy rich, our daughters barely pass through high school and become (for two seasons) known on a reality tv show as the girl that wants to steal the other girl’s boyfriend, before getting her own reality tv show where she becomes known as first, the girl that dates a scumbag, and then the girl that has crappy friends and cries about it a lot. Oh yeahhhh. I also find it hilarious that someone at the age of (what, 21??) still finds it necessary to deem one person as a “best friend”. Switching best friends once a year (Lo, Jenn, Heidi, Audrina) is something that most people are done with by junior high.

    Whitney- I LOVE how Heidi, who has contributed more two this show in 3 minutes than Whitney in two seasons, gets bumped up in the opening credits due to the fact that Lauren and Heidi are no longer friends. What the hell? I remember Whitney for… falling. Yup. THat’s about it.

    Audrina- The biggest brown-noser I have ever seen!Wasn’t she friends with Heidi before LC? Methinks she saw an opportunity to grab some limelight and closed in. She is the creepiest looking girl EVER. Her eyes are SO DEAD. Honestly, you could lay her down in a casket with her eyes open, I’d bury her. She has the most ghoulish, dead-eyed, soulless (or soul-sucking) gaze on this planet.

    Heidi- What is there to say that hasn’t been said? Even if SHE didn’t leak the sex tape rumors, its more than likely that Spencer did. This girl cannot have more than 2 braincells to rub together, and the staged scenes! Gah! Her acting is so TERRIBLE! Leave it to Speidi to do the most stagign on this “reality” tv show, but jesus, don’t make it SO easy to pick out which scenes are fake. Oh yeah, good luck with that music career… BWAHA. Umm, who exactly is going to go out there and buy a CD from “Heidi Pratt”. Ain’t happenninnnnn!

    I said it in another comment… if this season moves away from Heidi and Spencer vs. Lauren and starts going into Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney as a trio of friends, the show is OVER. The Hills season 1 was pretty boring, but season 2 was MADE by Speidi. At least give them credit for that, people. Do you actually want a show following WHITNEY AND AUDRINA around? C’mon.

  37. 37
    boombastic
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 10:52 am

    Love this episode. Is it me or does LC get more gorgeous every season, her and Whitney. I am loving the new LC, she seems to be confident and not taking any crap from heidi. Love the way she told her off. People who believe that Heiho is innocent obviously have not watch the hills since she had that same look on her face when LC confronted her about the jen/brody hook up. She is so guilty. Spencer is a piece of shit… i am not going to waste my time on him.

    We need more Whitney and less Audrina. She should not have contributed anything in the fight between LC and Heidi because simply it is none of her business.

    As far as speidi less of them would be great for the sure because without the LC drama they are quite boring. I cannot wait to see LC date a bunch of guys and Jason comes back to kick spencer’s ass!!!

  38. 38
    Sir Jiggabins
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 10:53 am

    I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn’t funny…it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it’s not that bad. Granted, Heidi’s breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can’t even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn’t bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it’s not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought…

  39. 39
    Sir Jiggabins
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 10:56 am

    I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn’t funny…it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it’s not that bad. Granted, Heidi’s breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can’t even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn’t bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it’s not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought…

  40. 40
    Sir Jiggabins
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 11:00 am

    I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn’t funny…it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it’s not that bad. Granted, Heidi’s breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can’t even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn’t bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it’s not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought…

  41. 41
    Sir Jiggabins
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 11:08 am

    I have some advice for Ting. Being super mean isn’t funny…it just makes you look spiteful. Making fun of plastic surgery gets old, especially when it’s not that bad. Granted, Heidi’s breasts are too big, but her nosejob is fine. You may have liked her old nose better, but I can’t even tell she had surgery, so it certainly isn’t bad enough to elicit joke-based laughs. Overall, it’s not funny to just be mean. B-Side managed to be lighthearted and witty with a focus on peoples actions and stupidity rather than on the way they look. Just a thought…

  42. 42
    McCreamy
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 11:35 am

    I dont see how the comments about Heidis plastic surgery were mean. Bside was not always politically correct either, look at the archives of laguna beach and hills recaps.

    I agree Bside cannot be replaced but he has moved on and so should we. Ting Lee is a great recapper IMO

  43. 43
    Sir Jiggabins
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 11:37 am

    Jesus…I certainly didn’t mean to post the same message 4 times. I kept getting error messages but I guess it was successfully posting nevertheless. Sorry all!

  44. 44
    natania
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 11:46 am

    Ting:
    Great recap.
    You are obviously not on team Speidi.

    Looks like Lauren and the Drina got another cat.

    Also there is some info on the ring on this site:
    http://www.leaveumalohan.com/ I’ not sure it is the correct one but it looks similar and it’s pretty funny.

  45. 45
    lesfull
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    You know, I feel really stupid for asking this, but if that little nickname means what I think it means, how would Spencer know? I’m guessing he just picked a nickname that would be as hurtful and vulgar and embarassing as possible. Wow, and I thought he was a dick before.

  46. 46
    kellyt
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    details on the nickname…

  47. 47
    kellyt
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:00 pm

    http://perezhilton.com/?p=3038

  48. 48
    dmbislove
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:01 pm

    Lesfull- I think what was said was whoever leaked the info about the tape claimed to have seen it and said that she had beef curtains.

    I think it’s pretty obvious that it was Spencer, and he was just trying to make her look as bad as possible.

  49. 49
    oboedm
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    I think that this recap was good. Obviously, it could be improved, but give Ting a break. I chuckled a few times, and she can only get better… I think that as we get into the season, there will be far more to comment on, especially the smaller throaway scenes and lines.

    As for the show being scripted, we know they definately stage scenes, and tell Lauren and Co. what to discuss. I don’t think it is a line by line thing. It makes sense from an editing perspective, because you can’t have no exposition… it would be hard to know what is happening.

    I DO think that the Heidi and Spencer stuff is completely staged… by them. I think that Hollywood painting was so “out there”, that I could only think “Wow. He is doing this on purpose to create drama”. Whether Speidi made up the drama from last season or not, they are still tools. I wouldn’t want to be friends with a person who created that drama, knowingly or not.

  50. 50
    mo_knows
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    My take on the sex tape rumors and horrible nickname- I think Spencer alone was behind that one, and that Heidi didn’t have anything to do with it. And I think at the time that the first episode was aired she didn’t think that Spencer had anything to do with it, therefore her reaction to LC in the club was honest. That said, of course she SHOULD have known that Spencer was the one behind it, but since she is brainwashed, she chose not to believe that. And I agree with lesfull (#45) that Spencer just added that nickname in just to make the whole thing more awful for LC. But I really think that Heidi didn’t initially have anything to do with it at the time- her card to LC sounded sincere, and she took (a little) stand against Spencer by not letting him read it. However, since then, she has become a total bitch. I’ve read her interviews and hear her comments about Lauren, and they are all rude, but again let’s remember that she is put in a trance everytime she sees Spencer’s chicklet pearly whites.
    Other thoughts- I, too, cannot wait for JWhal to come back and kick Spency’s ass! Can’t believe I’m saying that, as I HATED that guy first season.
    Also, yay for the return of Lo! Love her! She’s throws some good humor into the show, and doesn’t take every situation so seriously like LC.
    And more Whitney!!! She’s the only normal one, and I loved her “No!” comment about Jackpot.
    Has Lauren not learned at all? You gotta just let your friends date who they’re gonna date and not interfere (unless you find out something about them that your friend doesn’t already know). Must be a younger girl thing- I know she’s just trying to look out for her friends, but it’s an insult to their intelligence when you act as though they should know better that to date who they’re dating. To each his own.
    And lastly, I’m glad to see that MTV is finally letting them acknowledge the fact that they are (sort of) celebrities, and refer to the internet rumors, etc. Last season they still tried to make it seem like they weren’t always being snapped by the paparazzi and stuff.
    Whew, a lot to say!

  51. 51
    Beth
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    Ting Lee, I think that was a good first re-cap. I completely agree with your comments…I thought you balanced it with slamming LC and Heidi fairly and then seeing both of their sides. I am definitely on team LC, but I think Heidi still has a bit of hope. Heidi seems very insecure, and is so easily influenced by Spencer. I have some hope that she will eventually see how he’s affected her life negatively. It is really sad. I don’t blame LC for being so direct with Heidi…someone needs to tell her that she is messing up. Generally, I think you shouldn’t tell your friend that their boyfriend is awful, but since it is so extreme in this case, there would be no choice. You can’t hang out with someone with such a toxic boyfriend.

  52. 52
    Kitty74
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:20 pm

    How did you not mention Justin Bobby??!!

  53. 53
    sarahb
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:33 pm

    Justin Bobby… The scene of them on the bike? His hat? His flat ironed hair? So many things to say about Justin Bobby…

  54. 54
    sarahb
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    Oh Justin Bobby… So much to say about him. The scene with them on the bike? His hat? His flat ironed hair? His NAME? Oh Justin Bobby, you can not be real, but I hope you are…. ha ha.

  55. 55
    mo_knows
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    Justin/Bobby actually did not make his appearance until the second episode, so hopefully he will be fully ripped to shreds in that recap!

  56. 56
    Joe Blow
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    First off, while I did not love the recap, I did love the timing– you’re to be commended on a prompt recap, Ting Lee!

    Anyway, I don’t know why everyone thinks Lo is so hilarious. “His name is Justin but people call him Bobby? OMG, let’s call him Justin Bobby! Heehehehehehee!” Ok…why is that funny again? I also thought that Justin/Bobby was really rude to them. His answers were short, he rolled his eyes, and then when he got fed up with them, asked to go to Audrina’s room.

    Heidi must have way more self-control than I do (or maybe I just have a brain) because I would have been BEYOND pissed with those ugly murals. It’s such a nice apartment and of course, Spencer has to ruin it with his cheesy sense of style– god, I can’t stand him. What a phony.

  57. 57
    Joe Blow
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    First off, while I did not love the recap, I did love the timing– you’re to be commended on a prompt recap, Ting Lee!

    Anyway, I don’t know why everyone thinks Lo is so hilarious. “His name is Justin but people call him Bobby? OMG, let’s call him Justin Bobby! Heehehehehehee!” Ok…why is that funny again? I also thought that Justin/Bobby was really rude to them. His answers were short, he rolled his eyes, and then when he got fed up with them, asked to go to Audrina’s room.

    Heidi must have way more self-control than I do (or maybe I just have a brain) because I would have been BEYOND pissed with those ugly murals. It’s such a nice apartment and of course, Spencer has to ruin it with his cheesy sense of style– god, I can’t stand him. What a phony.

  58. 58
    the_baddest_bitch
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 2:39 pm

    I love Lauren and I think she’s a cool chick with a good heart, but after reading some of the stuff that Prick Pratt has openly written and said about her regarding the sex tape, I’m thinking there must be some truth to it because her daddy would have certainly slapped his sorry ass with a defamation law suit by now. The fact that no legal action has been taken is a bit suspect. Regardless, I think that Ho-di and her pimp are a couple of lowlife dirtbags. They have some serious karma coming to their asses.

  59. 59
    kmills
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 2:44 pm

    I think Ting did a commendable job for his/her first recap! B-side’s Hills recaps are quite some shoes to fill.

    And while I’m squarely on team LC, I do have to say that was one of the most painful girl-fights I have seen on TV, like, EVER. It was a total flashback to high school, which is why I think Ting’s comment that these girls need to grow up is totally valid. LC should have come out and said what made her so angry at Heidi not just to clear up any of Heidi’s “confusion,” but also to finally grow an f-ing backbone! Finally! Come on, Lauren, you can do it!

  60. 60
    samxx7
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 3:15 pm

    no offence ting i think you did a fine job for your first recap, but, why is tvgasm getting a new writer for the hills, couldn’t an older recapper that we know on the site do it instead of getting a brand new writer? just seems kinda silly bc what if ting was horrible, the hills recaps are pretty golden to this site, i don’t know why you’d throw a newbie in to do it.

    Anyways, spencer is a tool, but damn does he have heidi on lock. i’ve never seen a girl so desperate to be loved by such a tool, she’ll agree with anything he says, its damn pathetic. Damn she should rent the first season of the hills and watch how she used to act and get her life back.

  61. 61
    giggles4sy
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 3:44 pm

    oh my god….life can now get back to normal. the hills are on again and the message board for this show has already started to take on a life of its own…….and thanks for the fast recap…..love it!

  62. 62
    Candy
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Like Lauren’s Mom said “people just get caught up in LA” ….

  63. 63
    Candy
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Like Lauren’s Mom said “people just get caught up in LA” ….

  64. 64
    Candy
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 4:04 pm

    Like Lauren’s Mom said “people just get caught up in LA” ….

  65. 65
    the_baddest_bitch
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    people that come to LA from other parts of the country because they think that they are going to be living the fabulous life of paris and nicole are the ones that get caught up. we natives know fact from fiction.

  66. 66
    HereKittyKitty
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 4:38 pm

    Ting Lee, great first recap. Don’t worry, hardcore fans can be brutal if you don’t 100% have the same opinions as them.

    That being said… you feel just a little too sorry for Heidi for my taste.

    “Oh, and speaking of Spencer: I remember noting at the end of last season that he was looking incredibly gaunt and unhealthy compared to the beginning of the season. The downward trend has continued. He looks really awful, physically speaking. Is he ill?” Mandymax, I hope he has AIDS.

  67. 67
    HereKittyKitty
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    Oh and what the hell is up with Typekey?! It’s been repeating comments all over the place?

  68. 68
    Mrs LT
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:38 pm

    I think this was as good as first recaps get. I can see from above comments that people are still in that phase we were with LCon at first. Remember how it took a few recaps to fall into a rapport? I say that in a few recaps, we’ll all be digging it.
    (Speaking of which: where is LCon?)

    Anyways, the episode. How high school is this? Really though. I’m sure that if it wasn’t for this contrived MTV situation, the girls would just not talk to each other anymore. Sigh. But that wouldn’t be entertaining now, would it?

  69. 69
    Lime23
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    On a lighter (non-Speidi spewing) note: it’s Trey!!

    I miss Trey! Dear MTV, please delete some Speidi scenes & show us Trey..

    http://justjared.buzznet.com/gallery/photos.php?yr=2007&mon=08&evt=lauren-village&pic=lauren-conrad-west-village-02.jpg

  70. 70
    leave lauren alone
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:25 pm

    Ting Lee,
    Why did you not question who this “Frankie” person is? I feel that he is most likely a crew member of the show; who else would Speidi, Lauren, and Audrina all have an equal relationship with? Kinda weird. Let’s address these things in the re-cap; you know we all noticed it. Also, I observed something during the “Dear The Hills” airing prior: Someone asked Whitney if he “should go abroad for the summer or stay home with his girlfriend.” Whit replied that he SHOULD GO ABROAD BECAUSE SHE NEVER DID AND ALWAYS WISHED SHE HAD! Did the trip to Paris last year actually take place, or were we duped??????????? She may have revealed key proof that there is even more staginess going on than previously thought….
    Ok, check out this girl’s take on the “THis season on the Hills,’ where we saw that Whit kissed Brody and Lauren doesn’t even get mad this time/ Whit was right- WTF?
    Link didn’t work so copy and paste, scroll down to hills entry: http://blog.ienhance.com/

  71. 71
    leave lauren alone
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 7:29 pm

    Ting Lee,
    Why did you not question who this “Frankie” person is? I feel that he is most likely a crew member of the show; who else would Speidi, Lauren, and Audrina all have an equal relationship with? Kinda weird. Let’s address these things in the re-cap; you know we all noticed it. Also, I observed something during the “Dear The Hills” airing prior: Someone asked Whitney if he “should go abroad for the summer or stay home with his girlfriend.” Whit replied that he SHOULD GO ABROAD BECAUSE SHE NEVER DID AND ALWAYS WISHED SHE HAD! Did the trip to Paris last year actually take place, or were we duped??????????? She may have revealed key proof that there is even more staginess going on than previously thought….
    Ok, check out this girl’s take on the “THis season on the Hills,’ where we saw that Whit kissed Brody and Lauren doesn’t even get mad this time/ Whit was right- WTF?
    Link didn’t work so copy and paste, scroll down to hills entry: http://blog.ienhance.com/

  72. 72
    RachelLynn
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:02 pm

    I think you did a great job on the recap! :D
    “Heidi gets dressed and Spence approves her accessories, whistling and swirling his finger at her to turn, the same way in which you would signal a trained dog to roll over and play dead. Then she tries on some shoes for him.” Perfect way to describe that scene.

  73. 73
    Beth
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:06 pm

    Wasn’t Frankie on that short lived MTV show. The one with a bunch of guys?

  74. 74
    RachelLynn
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:07 pm

    I think you did a great job on the recap! :D
    “Heidi gets dressed and Spence approves her accessories, whistling and swirling his finger at her to turn, the same way in which you would signal a trained dog to roll over and play dead. Then she tries on some shoes for him.” Perfect way to describe that scene.

  75. 75
    Beth
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:10 pm

    I think Frankie was on “Twenty-four Seven”.

  76. 76
    BlondeGirl
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 8:58 pm

    Like, OMG! The Hills are back, The Hills are back!!! (Hey its been a boring summer.)

    This might be the gigantic Pinkberry I had to trek to Brentwood from Malibu this morning to get talking, but I think Ting did quite a good job her first Hills recap. Well, at least I got a few good laughs from it, but like I said it could be the Pinkberry – whatever chemically goodness they put into it kind of makes a lot of things more funny or maybe it’s the thought of fellow Californians actually paying $7 for plain shaved ice, some mixed fruit, and little syrup and a garnish of Pinkberry like half the L.A-tools in there when I went.

    My favorite part of the episode was by far the “Jackpot” scene and Whitney’s abrupt and adamant “no”. ‘Twas brilliant.

    By the way, where the hell is LaSultant?

  77. 77
    SweetSassyMolassey
    Posted August 15, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    This recap wasn’t too bad, but it definitely needs more fleshing-out… b-side’s recaps ran to 5 pages! And where is LagunaConsultant???

  78. 78
    Pachita
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 9:38 am

    Hey Gang! Long time watcher, first time commenter (on this show, at least). A friend of mine emailed this to me, has anyone else seen this?

    The problem with being a celebrity today is that your every move is tracked and recorded, especially if you happen to be a celebrity with your own reality show. So we weren’t surprised when we caught Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt in a bold-faced lie while perusing this week’s Entertainment Weekly. The duo spoke to a EW staff reporter for a bulky feature on the show’s third season, but after Monday night’s premiere, something was off about their comments.
    Pratt and Montag both denied that they were getting engaged on the show or otherwise. Heidi showed up to her EW brunch interview with no ring on, and Spencer said, “We can’t wait to see how they edit that¦ We would get engaged, we just wouldn’t do it on Lauren [Conrad]‘s show.”
    The couple also swore to the magazine that Montag wore a “promise ring” and that the promos for the show claiming the duo’s engagement were off. The day after the issue went to press, Montag and Pratt started a round of radio interviews where they claimed that they were engaged, and that they were even thinking of a spin-off show to get married live on television. And after the series premiere in which Spencer proposed to Heidi on camera, there can be almost no doubt that the two are (at least for publicity’s sake) betrothed.
    So why lie to EW? “I have no idea,” the EW staff reporter said. “All you can go on is what people say, and I have a tape and recordings.” And this isn’t the first time Pratt’s comments on tape have gotten him into trouble. Turns out his new tactic is courting the press only to turn on them.

    Does Spencer really think that anyone other than Heide falls for his crap?!

  79. 79
    mle428
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 10:07 am

    Wow…I was entertained by the recap. Nice work, Ting Lee.

    What amazes me is how many rabid fans of “The Hills” there are.

    I am actually hooked on Ting Lee’s recaps after his/her (?) recaps of “Age of Love.” So, for those of you questioning a “newbie,” it’s the newbie that got me hooked on this site.

    Get over it…the old recapper is gone. You sound like a bunch of old ladies at the noon water aerobics class when they have a substitute instructor.

    Ting…I’m hooked on your recaps…like Pinkberry…

  80. 80
    Shinystone
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 11:04 am

    I’m watching Spencer, aka Cabbage Patch Doll, propose to Heidi as I type this, and I’m glad I don’t have anything in my stomach, otherwise its contents would surely be everywhere. Especially since adding Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” to the scene makes it THAT much more puke-ish. Is it just me, or do Heidi and Spencer’s scenes look more scripted than ever?

  81. 81
    Anon E. Mouse
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 11:07 am

    OMG, I am a rabid Hills fan and I was foaming at the mouth waiting for the season to start.. I have not been disappointed so far.

    Perez Hilton has posted Heidi Montag’s new song,”Body Language” which features Spencer RAPPING!! How freakin’ bizarre!

    I know I will probably get reamed for saying this but the song is not that bad– wanted to NOT like it, but it’s actually pretty catchy!

  82. 82
    Rox
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 12:22 pm

    Heidi Blows. Show no mercy.

  83. 83
    georgiababe
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 12:38 pm

    I don’t know what’s worse about that nickname: the fact that it is insulting Lauren’s physical appearance, whether it be true or not. People are different even in certain…places.

    But are they also insinuating that she is a slut? I asked a friend of mine about what the nickname was supposed to mean (even though I knew its literal meaning) and he said that sometimes it implies that the girl has slept with a lot of people.

    So did Spencer mean to imply that she is a slut as well? That’s what I took from it anyways…

  84. 84
    anniedawg25
    Posted August 16, 2007 at 3:24 pm

    YAY YAY YAY

    The Hills is (are?!?!) BACK!

    My thoughts:

    1. Whitney and Lauren DO get more gorgeous with each season. I’ve said it once and I will say it again…I LOVE Whitney, why is she always on the back burner? Audrina looks way too skinny. Heidi actually looks good I think…plastic surgery and all. Spencer…..YIKES he’s looking haggard. Bad hair, bad tan, acne…seriously what’s wrong with him?

    2. OK I heard the rumours about the sex tape, but really, Heidi was also going around calling Lauren “Beef Curtains”? I must have missed that! anyone got the scoop for me? Whatever the case may be, Lauren needs to just come right out with it, instead of this “You Know What You Did” crap. Lay it on her, Lauren! She deserves it!

    3. The engagement ring…that was just a strange set up. He goes to some chintzy store, gets a lame ring, and yeah, I never heard the words “Will You Marry Me” come out of his mouth! Even Heidi didn’t seemed too thrilled.

    …episode 2…coming right up! see ya on the flip side

  85. 85
    Jessica'sbrain
    Posted August 19, 2007 at 10:16 am

    Honestly I have to give this recap a 5 out of 10.
    I think Spencer started this nasty rumor when Heidi was couped up having plastic surgery. Heidi is trying to play the innocent role but she knows Spencer started this rumor. Remember before the JWahl sextape rumor there was a rumor that Heidi and Spence had a sextape. But it wasn’t nasty and I believe Spencer was behind that also. Both parties did a good job of putting this in magazines. The ratings for the Hills were through the roof.

  86. 86
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted August 19, 2007 at 10:40 am

    Great recap Ting – I also loved the screencaps and captions! :)

    Annie – you wanted to know where Spencer made those comments about Lauren. You can see an excerpt in our forums here:

    http://forums.tvgasm.com/showthread.php?t=1870

  87. 87
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted August 19, 2007 at 10:46 am

    Oh and about Type Key – it loads super slow, but it DOES load. So when it’s loading – just wait and let it go. By continuing to hit Post during that long load process – that’s how people are ending up with this double, triple and quadruple posts. Just be patient. If you want to continue to browse the site you can always load a second browser while the first is loading your comment.

  88. 88
    missrhodeisland
    Posted August 20, 2007 at 9:49 pm

    Who the hell is this new re-cap writer? He/she sucks ass! My ten year old neice could write better material than this retarded drivel. Talk about amateur hour, lol.

    Why does NO ONE comment on how strung out and high Spencer and Heidi look? They’re fucking tweaking their asses off, doesn’t anyone else see the gaunt, tired faces, the huge pupils, the nose twitching, the exhausted and haggard expressions? That scene with Heidi and Jenn Bunney on the patio, Heidi is so fucking high I’m surprised she didn’t fly right off the damn patio. It’s actually pretty disgusting to watch, those two aren’t fooling me lol.

  89. 89
    CapitalCH
    Posted August 25, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    Good recap, Ting. But basically what you should know is that Heidi and Spencer are very fame hungry. Heidi met Lauren and capitalized on her friendship. She calls the paparazzi to take pictures of her at wherever she stays, along with Spencer. She leaks her music and information to anyone who will pay. Spencer is her manager and started the porn rumor. All of these things of course are not shown because MTV thinks the viewers are stupid and ignores the fact that they are C-list celebrities and actually know they’re being filmed. Heidi played dumb because she wants to be the ‘innocent’ one this season, and wants to make it look like all the other girls are giving her an undeserved punishment… Just my 2 cents.

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