It’s a Bad Day for a White Wedding Dress

Throughout most of the episodes for The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Janice Dickinson has pretty much kept her composure. Could it be that Janice the businesswoman is losing a little bit of her edge? Has all of the focus on kids and family mellowed her out? Is the power of the dollar starting to overshadow the power of the vodka? Is she just getting old? Whatever’s the case, I would have to say that her agency is becoming a success. And since I have absolutely no idea what would make a successful modeling agency, you know that you can trust me.Janice’s agency has been open for a little while now, and she has already booked several clients, but they haven’t had a real “grand opening” replete with the cameras and the press necessary to attract even more attention than Janice can normally muster on her own. And while she’s has been able to steadily add to the ranks of her models, Janice still needs to be able to find them jobs, so she is still on the lookout for a booker to get her models gigs.

When we start the show, Janice is stoked because she is going to meet the designer Kai Milla. They always called her Kai Milla, so I’m not sure if she goes by Kai or Ms. Milla, or what, so I’ll just say Kai Milla. Kai Milla is couture designer and exactly the type of fashion Janice hopes her models excel at. Janice wants her models to be on the covers of Vogue and Elle, and that’s the type of places where you see Kai Milla’s designs. But you know somebody who doesn’t see any of Kai Milla’s designs? Her husband. Kai Milla is married to Stevie Wonder, and for a guy who literally couldn’t see his bride before the wedding; I have to say that he did a pretty good job.

Every designer designs for a specific body type which fits their line, and so she has all of her models come to meet Kai Mill and her top designers. Janice is there to add her opinion, but it is Kai Milla’s that matters. The models are wearing her clothes, so she will decide. It’s difficult for a lot of the models because they may think that they are hot shit, and Janice may think that they are hot shit, but if the designer doesn’t think you’ll fit, you aren’t going anywhere. The truth of the matter is that modeling is a business where you are being rejected constantly, sort of like me after a night on the town in Hollywood. For this shoot, Kai Milla chose Tamika, Stina, and Crystal.

All of the girls were very happy that they were picked, especially Crystal. Janice mentioned that Crystal had lost 15 pounds in the last couple months and she wanted it bad. When she was picked, she could not stop crying. Crystal felt she took a huge step towards becoming a fashion model, which I guess is true, but then she went a little overboard. First she asked, “After today, what else can happen” and then she mused “What can be better than today”. Again, I am no fashion expert and am far removed from the days I could have modeled anything, but I would say that, for starters, one way to make this day better for Crystal would be if she was, you know, actually paid. A runway show in Paris would seem like a step up, and, I don’t know, perhaps the cover of a magazine might be nice.

I’m not sure what it was about Tamika, Stina, and Crystal that made them perfect for the Kai Milla body style, but I will say that they all looked really good in her clothes. Of the three of them, I have to say that Stina (from Altadena!) was the hottest and not just because I thought I caught part of a nipple as she was walking by. I think she has a wonderful Catherine Zeta Jones meets Karina Lombard quality about her that is irresistible. I wish ANTM would step it up and put hotties like this back on the show. I think Danielle is a great winner, but she could have used some competition like Stina instead of Kathy and Wendy. As many of you have noted, there is a top model among the girls in Janice’s agency, Michelle from season four, who has not really made a very big splash so far.

While the girls were getting done up by Kai Milla, Elmer Ave. was going to be dressing some of her guys. Elmer Ave. is a very edgy, fashion-forward sort of line, so once again, only a few of her models are going to have the right look. Janice even had her hair stylist completely makeover one of her guys into something that she thought would work for Elmer Ave. After seeing the guy before Janice got to him, I thought he was about as edgy as a Sunday on the PGA tour. Add a hair cut, get rid of the Izod sweater, and you’ve got yourself a perfect Franz Ferdinand wannabe, which is probably the type of people Elmer Ave. is trying to sell to anyway.

But enough of this whole “work” thing, it’s time for Janice to have fun! She heads out to Palm Springs where she is crowned Queen of the White party. Not knowing what the white party was, I was a little confused at first. Did Janice have her own Legend’s Ball that I didn’t know about? No, the White Party is a sort of like a [HIT THE MUTE BUTTON BEFORE CLICKING THIS NEXT LINK, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU]gay spring break(WARNING: link probably not safe for Evangelicals, Mormons or people who hate Techno music and/or Bruce Valance) that takes place in Palm Springs each year. As Janice’s stylist Gabe says, it’s bunch of queens getting together and making fools of themselves, much like Cher’s backup singers! Badum-ching!

The White Party has Janice, Tiffany, Toni Braxton and Anastacia, not to mention about 5,000 gay men partying like it was Celine Dion was just elected President. Among them was Rubin Singer, the head designer for Kai Milla. Janice happened to be wearing a one of a kind dress by Kai Milla, and at first she seemed like she was very concerned something would happen to it because she kept on complaining that people were touching it. She even told one of the organizers that she’s going to need security to keep people away from it. It was one of a kind!

Janice did finally get over her worry about the dress because she decided that she was going to go jump into a fountain with it. It was a very Dolce Vita moment, as Janice said, and she would do anything for a good photograph, saying that impromptu moments like these make the best pictures. Well, I am not sure how impromptu it was. I would think that if Gabe was going to the white party, he wouldn’t have any place to put a camera, unless he was happy to see you I guess, but Janice said the pictures were phenomenal, but she knows the designer would never talk to her again. Considering this designer was supposed to be fitting three of her models for the grand opening of her store, it was probably a bad to not be on speaking terms with Kai Milla.

People heard about what happened, including Rubin Singer, who was furious. Janice tried to play it off like it was an accident, which is kind of bullshit, because she had already gone up to Rubin and asked what he would do if she jumped into the pool, and laughed when he said “kill you” . She is so proud about other parts of her personality; you think that she would have taken responsibility for this. Who knows, maybe those pictures will sell for enough to make it up to Rubin and Kai Milla. Italian linen ain’t cheap!

So the day of the grand opening finally arrives, and things are getting very interesting. Besides the girls wearing Kai Milla and the guys wearing Elmer Ave, Sorin and Paul were modeling 2xist underwear, and since they were in California modeling underwear, they had to make sure there were no tan lines. Paul and Sorin both got a shot from the spray-on tanning machine, and you ladies got pretty good shots of both of their asses. I think that they should have put a warning up before these bare asses; you never know when some poor lady (or guy) with a heart condition is watching. The producers could be sued if somebody had a heart attack. With that being said, why not have a look yourself?

Can you tell which is which?

Speaking of heart attacks, Janice’s business partner Peter looked like he was about to have one of his own. It was 90 minutes before everything was going down, and nobody from Kai Milla was there. Peter wanted to know what the heck was going on because he had models waiting in hair and makeup with nothing to put on. The models were practically crying because they didn’t bring anything else to wear, although in a pinch, I wouldn’t have mid seeing them with some Victoria’s Secret on (there is a store in the same complex), but I guess that is too close to Tyra to fly in Janice’s world.

Anyway, it turns out that nobody told Peter about the incident with the Kai Milla dress and Janice in Palm Springs. We all knew that it was one of kind, but we also learned that it was the only model of a dress that they were going to be manufacturing for their fall collection. On the phone, Brian Singer is obviously upset at the way Janice handled the situation. Not only was the dress ruined, but when Kai Milla tried to get in touch with Janice and the agency, nobody returned their calls. You know, as much as Janice expects her models to be on time and everything else, she should set a good example. It’s fine to be spontaneous, but really, if you can’t deal with the consequences, you are a just a big of a wimp as if you didn’t do it at all.

Luckily, Peter was able to smooth things over enough with the people at Kai Milla that the dresses would be there, although Kai Milla would not be. By that time, Janice walked in, realized she had probably caused a shitstorm for her company, but put on a good face for the adoring public outside, which included all sorts of media outlets like CNN, E!, and Entertainment Tonight. From there, everybody had a good time. Her models looked great, Janice played for the crowd (even shouting “Eat your heart out Tyra!”), and although it was a tough couple of days, she even found herself a booker (Kodi Foster) for her models.

What did you think of the episode? Will Janice’s agency ever work for Kai Milla? Will Sorin ever get sick of dropping trou?