Lights, Camera, Fashion!

I still think that the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency is a pretty good show, but unfortunately, I don’t think that the producers quite know what they want to do with it. Considering that it is now at least half way through its first season, some would consider this a problem. The problem is that the show has Janice’s name on it, and Janice is the reason that most people start watching the show. While Janice is a great personality, I would have to say that she has not yet proven that she can carry her own show. Janice will rant, Janice will rave, and doesn’t seem to know what she wants to do with her models from one week to the next. Those models, who are mostly no-names, are much more interesting than her. Too bad we hardly see them.In terms of her business, I think that Janice is benefiting from her television show. I’m not sure how much she is taking in, but there is no way that she would be renting the kind of space she is if there wasn’t a television production behind the whole thing. Most of her clients are just as interested in making a name for themselves as they are in hiring Janice’s models, and when it comes to dealing with the bullshit that Janice puts them through, free advertising (even if it’s only on Oxygen) really helps.

Janice’s latest client is Chrisitan (pronounced kris-TEE-ahn for extra snootiness) Audigier, CEO and Head Designer for Ed Hardy. You might not have heard the name, but if you’ve ever wanted to hit somebody because they were wearing a trucker cap, you should start with Christian. He was the CEO and Head Designer at Von Dutch when they took that staple of white trash America and made it into something trendy. As of yet, the rich and famous have yet to put their Bentley’s up on cinder blocks, but I did see lots of trash in Britney’s Spears’ front yard, then again that could have been K-Fed taking a nap.

What Von Dutch did for obscure, iconic motorcyclists, Ed Hardy is doing for obscure, iconic tattoo artists. Seriously, if you can tell the big difference between these two lines of clothing, please let me know. Ed Hardy is going to be doing a fashion show inside the movie “7-10 Split”. At first, I was wondering why they would name a movie after the most infamous spread in bowling, and then I learned that the movie was going to be starring Tara Reid. And if you need me to tell you why the words “infamous spread” and “Tara Reid” sound so hilarious in the same sentence, then you should go see your OBGYN.

The casting call is going to be in two days, but first, let’s not forget that Janice is a mom and has important things to do. At first, I really liked it when they showed Janice’s other side of life, but let’s face it, when she’s not screaming or making a scene or showing off her ass, we get bored quickly. These pieces with her kids seem like they are not so much a way for us to get a look at her life, but rather a way for her to improve her image as something other than a crazy woman who screams way too much and has an unhealthy obsession with plastic surgery.

Janice takes her daughter to M. Fredric to buy some clothes. In my never-ending quests to inform you of location shenanigans in these Los Angeles based reality shows, I have to say that the store they went to was not in Beverly Hills, as was suggested in the video clip we saw. It looks like they went to the location in Studio City, confirmed by the fact that there is no Beverly Hills in the background of their shot, and there is no M. Fredric store in Beverly Hills. Not that anybody cares, but I thought I should let you know.

As whacked as her mom is, Savannah seems pretty normal. But this segment really came out of nowhere. We haven’t heard from either of Janice’s kids since her eye was stuck shut in Vegas, and Savannah hasn’t appeared since the first episode. I’m glad she has her own sense of style and can pick out her own clothes, but she is almost thirteen, so I’m not sure how that is somehow remarkable. The only thing strange is that Janice brings her makeup guy Duke with her to go shopping with her daughter. I guess she is trying to bring as many of her crazy friends into her kids life so they never want to end up like her.

I guess Janice wants Savannah to show a little more boob

At the casting call at Ed Hardy, Janice made a point of mentioning that she always wants to make sure that her models are prepared. These little one on one sessions are like when Donald Trump gives his lessons on The Apprentice; you just know that the team who doesn’t follow his advice is going to lose. Janice wanted her models to be prepared, but all of them felt like they were in the dark. Many of them didn’t know what the casting call was all about, and had no idea what to wear. I guess when the models heard they were going to do a casting call for a designer, they figured that designer would give them stuff to wear. To be quite honest, that is what I thought was going on, but I was wrong. The girls came in with their breezy dresses and the guys came in with their frumpy pants, and Janice was visibly upset, even going as far to say that she was upset with half of the girls.

Janice’s first remedy was to get the girls to hike their skirts up to their crotches in order to show a little more skin. This line is all about sexy! She wants her models to strut their stuff, not be bashful! So, how is this different from last time when Janice was doing the fashion show with Virgin and said things like “I don’t want my girls vagina’s to hang out, because that is not a good look”? Basically, Chrisitan Audigier is more of a name then Niki Shadrow, so Janice wouldn’t be able to pull any of that bullshit, but maybe we should just chalk it up to her shopping trip with Savannah. Janice has less time to pump her body full of pharmaceuticals, so she’s not as much of a huge bitch this time around.

Chrisitan makes his first cuts, and surprise, surprise, he puts the models in some of his clothes. Maybe the models should have done some research, but I think Janice has some responsibility as well. One of the guys, TJ, missed his graduation ceremony to come to the casting call. For most of us, we only graduate from college once in our lives (maybe two or three depending on how much grad school we can stomach), and this guy missed his and didn’t even make the cut. The only thing he got was a lot of grief from Janice.

Christian makes his cuts and we find out that Christian is going to use them not only for the movie scenes, but a photo shoot as well. There was some minor drama with the women after one of the girls Grayce Pederson looked like she was going to make it at first. She was devastated, but don’t feel too sorry for her, because TJ was there to comfort her. Apparently, TJ is a ladies man, and uses the modeling agency as his personal little black book. A lot of the other guys don’t like the way that he is scamming on all the girls, but it just smacks of jealousy. That being said, TJ is a dog, and you hope that none of the four girls he is shown dating that week think that he is in it for the long haul.

I would have loved to have seen more of Christian, but I guess today was the day we really got a lot of model updates. Next we visit Sarah Eisele, from Oak Hills. She might be in Janice’s agency and about to shoot her first movie, but like many other high school girls, she is still worried about things like the prom. I know this is California, but you would think that any guy literally taking a model to prom would put a little effort into it. Sarah’s date, Adam, didn’t bother with such formalities like a corsage, and I thought that it was a little rude. Then I took a look at her prom dress. Why would Adam spend money for the corsage? He has her half-naked anyway. Is there any place in this country left where a bikini wax isn’t required before you put on a prom dress?

Her mom must be so proud

Perhaps I could have enjoyed the Sarah and TJ segments a little more, but they were so short. Instead, we shoehorned another Janice segment in between. I guess they want to show that Janice is busy, but random shots of her during a book signing can come at any time. There was already so much in this episode, I felt like I was getting lost. A lot of people showed up for Janice’s signing, and she loves to write books. It’s a process that involves creating something, just like art. WOW! I guess I know why Janice is always acting a fool; whenever she’s not making an ass of her self, she’s putting people to sleep.

As for the actual business, the photo shoots and the movie went pretty well. Having her models in a print campaign that would show up in stores, catalogs, and on the web is a big deal, and Ed Hardy is a good name to be associated with, although I don’t know if we’ll ever see them in French Vogue. Janice’s business manager, Peter, was so pleased to have Ed Hardy as a client that he doubled the number of models they were supposed to send for the photo shoot, knowing that it would be great exposure for the models and the company.

Things went pretty smooth at the movie as well, except for that crazy Marcus Foy. They were supposed to shoot, but Marcus was still at craft services, grabbing his chance at free fruit and vegetables. Where’s Marcus? Oh, the show can’t go on! AHHHHHHH THE HUMANITY! If you hadn’t guessed by my little dabble in hyperbole, all of the drama they tried to put into Marcus being late seemed kind of fake. They are shooting a movie with Tara Reid and they are trying to act like Marcus is going to be the thing that is holding back production? That’s like going into a restaurant with Monique and complaining that Calista Flockhart is holding up the kitchen.

What they really needed from this segment was a chance to fill in one more human interest story involving Mr. Foy. He gives Janice lots of problems, but he also wants to be a rapper, and he even has his own album. We even got shots of him in the studio, laying down some tracks while his producer was dropping those phat beats. And by “studio”, I mean “his bedroom” and by producer, I mean “the guy who has to do something besides rolling joints all day”. Anyway, Janice likes his personality, and is going to keep him.

So ends another week with Janice’s models. If this episode was a little too sedate, be sure to tune in next week. It looks like Janice refilled her prescriptions, because it looks like she is ready to fight Peter for something or other really important. And I’m not talking just plain arguing, there are some actual pushes and shoves involved.