A Recipe For a Cultural Phenomenon

In the January 24th issue of Newsweek, they bring up the issue of a possible homoerotic connection on The OC. No, we aren’t talking about the now-cofirmed, and TVgasm breaking story on Marissa and Alex. We are talking about the seemingly more obvious, but perhaps unintentional, sexual tension between Seth and Ryan. While I haven’t personally seen anything on the show to give me the same idea, I do know that all of the guys on the show have turned completely spineless. You expect people to walk all over Seth, but it shouldn’t happen to Zach. You expect Sandy to act like a 45 year old, you don’t expect it from Ryan. And it’s Newport. Somebody, somewhere, should be doing cocaine.The writers decided to switch things up this week. Usually, we are used to the breakfast intro. Ryan walks in from the pool house just as Seth is pouring some cereal. They say “Hey” to each other, and talk about their problems at school, but most likely girl problems. Then Sandy and Kirsten walk in drink their coffee and bagel, complain about Caleb and Julie, then wait for Seth to have some sort of witty response, and then cut to the credits. This week, there is no breakfast, but rather a some takeout from “Typhoon”, which is the name of a place in Santa Monica that will serve you, among other things, grasshoppers and ants. Or maybe it was “Taiphoon”, since they seemed to be ordering mostly Thai food. The writers were a little obvious where they were going when Kirsten exclaimed “That’s enough for a small army”. Maybe you should invite some people over Kirsten, which is exactly what they did, or at least what they had Ryan and Seth do.

It turns out that Lindsay is with her mom, but it gives Seth plenty of time to get to the Bait Shop and ask Alex, who seems a little nervous. Seth asks her to come and have dinner with his parents, which she would love to do, but has to, you know, manage the club. OK, so that didn’t happen, it was way too straightforward and simple for them to use on the show. Actually, the real reason Alex was hesitant was that her ex was in town. And to make things a little more awkward, it turns out that Alex and her ex never really broke up, which is the reason why she is there in the first place. Yes, I said she. Although Seth didn’t stick around to find out, we learn that Alex’s ex is a girl named Jodi. I am not sure what Jodi was away from Alex in the first place, but she must of learned her days as Jamie Lynn Discala’s body double might have never materialized.

The next day, we see that Sandy and Kirsten are having a little bit of an intimate moment. Kirsten is great when you can’t see her gross sternum and all the ribs attached whenever she wears a low cut dress. She gives Sandy a bit of a message, and then tells him she needs some ideas to change the image of the Newport group into one that is more respected. Sandy, showing that Berkeley is still alive and well inside his body, suggests building some low-income housing. Kirsten thinks it’s a great idea, but when she gets to the CEO’s office, Julie reveals that she has decided to take the matter into her own hands and create Newport Living, a lifestyle magazine with the sole purpose of promoting Julie Cooper the Newport Group. Sandy and Caleb aren’t too thrilled, so they all decide that they are going to create a united front and face her together.

Back at Harbor, Seth is still thinking about Alex’s ex at school. He is still imagining Alex’s ex as some sort of ex-con that would kick his ass at with no trouble at all. Perhaps he doesn’t understand that anybody in the school could kick his ass. He should just stop worry about an possible pounding, and just get his bruising out of the way early. Lindsay is also freaking out about an ex, namely Marissa Cooper. She knows that Marissa and Ryan have a history, and she is beginning to worry that their breakup might simply be a phase.

For Summer, her problems with Zach continue. Although teenage girls around the country melted(Awwwwww!) when Zach brought her a cupcake in celebration of their six month anniversary before then asking her to a romantic dinner, Summer really has an itch to be scratched. To make matters worse, she has never been in a relationship for as long as she has with Zach, which is plenty to make you nervous.

Ryan, since he is perfect in every way, tries to play like the UN and get Lindsay and Marissa to be friends. They can all just “hang out”. Why Ryan believes he can do the “hang out” with his ex and his new significant other, I have no idea. Seth tried, and he failed. Ryan circa early season 1 would have had enough of a spine to realize that the two should never mix, by season two Ryan’s standards, they should all be friends, so he tells Lindsay to sit with Summer and Marissa at lunch while he attends an emergency comic book club meeting.

Now, some of you might think that the funny part coming out of that sequence would be the emergency comic book meeting, but you would be wrong. Marissa and Summer brought back some burgers and fries from In and Out for their lunch. If you don’t live on the west coast or haven’t watched The Big Lebowski, In and Out is a very famous burger place. Summer and Marissa brought back what looked to be Double Doubles with cheese. Lindsay stared in awe as she found out that Marissa didn’t need to exercise to keep her figure, while Lindsay herself struggled with “The Zone”. I nearly fell out of my chair watching Mischa Barton pretend to eat her burger. She didn’t even put anything into her mouth the first time, but maybe that was because she supposed to deliver a line. Still, some PA had to take a few bites out of the sandwhich, because in the next shot, their are two big pieces missing. The writers are trying to be so authentic, you would think that one of them would realize that these girls are much more likely to go to some vegetarian/vegan place. Think Urth Cafe and Real Food Daily, or their wannabes. I will say that Mischa managed to grab a few pickles when she went in for a second bite(Tivo slow-mo confirmed), but there is still no way in hell Marissa and Summer make In and Out a pastime.

While the girls ate lunch, Seth was looking for girl advice from his comic book club. Even though most of the guys in the room hadn’t scene female genitalia since their moms gave birth to them, Seth went on their advice to call Alex and explain that he is sorry for freaking out. Luckily, Ryan and Zach convinced him that would be a huge douchebag move. Seth was desperate to get some information about the ex, so Ryan tells him that he will go over, and scope the place out while pretending to be there to take Seth’s paycheck. When he is there, Ryan sees Jodi and realizes he is the ex, and for some reason decides that he must hide this fact from Seth. In the process of this, Zach comes over to read some comic books to make him feel better about Summer, who ditched his plan for a romantic evening for a girls’ night out instead. This inspires the guys to do their own night out without the girls, just for spite.

As Ryan is driving Lindsay over to Marissa’s for the girls’ night out, they start talking about his relationship with Mischa. Ryan said that “they just connected” in a way that has never happened before, until he met Lindsay of course. I just can’t wait until Lindsay finds out that Ryan got a girl pregnant, and then the girl faked a miscarriage. A single mom with a child that doesn’t know her father, Lindsay can relate. Seriously, Lindsay and Theresa are going to meet before the year is out, perhaps around the time Theresa is supposed to give birth. She should be hella preggers right about now, correct?

Anyway, Ryan drops Lindsay off at Marissa’s, and you know it is going to be a good night because Marissa pulled out her best Michael Flatley top for the occasion. What the hell was going on with that thing? It looked like after Rod Roddy died, they took his jackets and made them into haute couture. It’s not hard to imagine how strange it must have been for Lindsay and Marissa to spend so much time together, especially considering there was no way to break the ice. See, Lindsay doesn’t drink, so Marissa is already at a disadvantage when it comes to finding a subject to talk about. She didn’t even try and give Lindsay the Newport makeover with lots of makeup and a slutty top. What kind of girls’ night out can you have without the makeover of the dowdy outsider? Why won’t the writers follow the rules?

The guys aren’t exactly having a blast without them. Although Ryan suggested that they might go to Los Angeles or Vegas or Tiajuana , Zach and Seth simply want to play video games. What kind of weak guys’ night out is this? If you are going to stay in at least call up a stripper or something.

Part of the reason I have so much trouble with the Bait Shop is that the place cannot exist legally or even hypothetically. There is never going to be a club that allows people under the age of 18 to regularly enter that would also serve alcohol and be managed by somebody who is also under 18. And I am starting to get sick of the parade of endless whiny white guys that appear on stage every week. OK, you are indie, I GET IT. I would suggest that perhaps somebody like G-Unit, The Game, or Black Eyed Peas show up (after all, the white suburban kids love their hip hop), but the fact that none of them have appeared probably says more for their chances at long term legitimacy than anything else.

So, the girls get whisked away to this VIP section, and things are so painfully awkward that Lindsay finally suggests that they open up Marissa’s flask and everybody have at it. Lindsay, being the lightweight is sure to get hammered, of course, and so after awhile, Summer steps out to get some coffee. Earlier, on a tonic water quest, Marissa saw Alex and overheard her talking about her relationship with Jodi, then saved her out of an argument. Summer didn’t see Alex, but instead saw a water polo teammate of Zach’s named Marr. It turns out Zach let EVERYBODY know that it was their sixth month anniversary. Why would the guys care? Well, Matt said the water polo guys were “very sensative” and liked “non-fat lattés”. I made the second part up, but the first statement was true, and explained a lot about what was going with Zach and Summer.

Back with the grownups, Kirsten, Sandy, and Caleb are about to confront Julie with the idea. Caleb and Sandy are behind getting rid of the magazine, but in a strange twist of fate, Kirsten ran the numbers and said that it would be a good idea. This led to a blowup where Sandy stormed off and Julie accused Caleb of not rushing to her defense. You see, Julie had done so much to defend Caleb during his time of need, there was an ample reason for some reciprocation. The fight between Sandy and Kirsten didn’t last long, perhaps because Kirsten was too drunk to argue, and Sandy said he would support Kirsten in whatever way is possible. Yes, the adults kind of sucked this episode, but I could leave them out.

It wasn’t hard to imagine that the guys would eventually get sick of their video games/non-strippers and decided to head to the Bait Shop. When Ryan was a little too eager to keep Seth and Zach away, Seth asks Ryan what he is hiding. Ryan reveals the little thing about Jodi and the female ex of his girlfriend, and the guys rush over just in time to see Summer talking to Matt and Lindsay stone cold drunk. Zach sees his teammate, gets really upset at Summer, and it seems like they might break up. I knew he had nothing to worry about because Matt was absolutely flaming. But don’t worry, this is the OC. I kind of like this couple, so I was happy to see them end the night later that evening bumping into each other in a diner and sharing a milkshake. When Summer said earlier “If he is not the guy for me, I don’t know who is”, she was right.

Zach may have been a bit jealous, but his rage is nowhere close to what Ryan is feeling. He grabs Lindsay out and decides they are going to take a walk on the beach. During the walk, Lindsay gets a little sloppy and Ryan decides that he is going to get her something to make her feel better? Anti-nausea medicine you say? No, of course not. Ryan decides to get her some coffee and fries, because nothing is better than a jittery drunk who wakes up in the middle of the night and vomits all over his bed because that food didn’t settle. As bad as it is to think that coffee will somehow make a drunk sober up more quickly is the idea that you should leave somebody with so little experience drinking on the beach where she could be swept in.

Indeed, when Ryan came back, there was no Lindsay, only her purse and jacket by the ocean. Ryan realizes his mistake and jumps in the ocean, screaming, which works so well for finding drunk people who are under in water. All of my disdain for Ryan fades quickly when we learn from Seth that they had found Lindsay drunk and took her into Alex’s office. Now my disdain is for the jerks that will pick up a passed out girl, but doesn’t think to take their purse should they need it later. If I am ever passed out, I really wonder if I’ll ever see my wallet again, so I know how it feels when you anxiously are searching for your ID, pants, or shirt, and they are nowhere to be found.

Ryan storms into Alex’s office and immediately goes into full preach mode. Sometimes these scenes are tough because between Mischa and Ben, they really go over the top in some of these emotional scenes. This one went pretty well, if for nothing more than both Mischa and Alex didn’t let Ryan’s sanctimonious bitching get the better of them.

Ryan and Seth first head home, but then realize they both overreacted. Ryan yelled at Marissa, and Seth had earlier blow up in front of Alex about her past with Jodi. They get to Alex’s house, and Ryan apologizes to Marissa, while Seth apologizes to Alex. It seems like everything is going to be back to normal, but there is something different. Marissa has been noticing Alex all day, and is clearly attracted to her. While watching a horror movie, Alex grabs a blanket and they both share a look. You know, the look that says “Yeah, I could go for some of that”.

Yes, we all know what is in store for Marissa in the coming weeks. It is going to be interesting to see what happens, and TVgasm will be there to give you all of the gory details when things go down.

“Hey!” Count: Episode – 17, Season Total – 107 [thanks for the reminder Lexx]