I Just Want Your Extra Time and Your…Kiss

I’ll spare you the same old song and dance introduction about The OC goes through phases of being sucky and being great. The show might have lost the magic that made it a cultural sensation, so it helps to go into with an attitude that the writers are just trying to get through four seasons, maybe five, and then hope to reap the residuals of syndication and DVD sales for a long time to come. That all being said, this latest episode of the OC was actually a reminder of how things were once great, which is also a reminder of how far it has fallen. For those of us still along for the ride, at least the funny parts outweigh the moments when you want to shoot your television.I knew this would be a good episode of The OC, because we got a little bit of a viewer discretion warning at the before everything started. Part of the reason The OC has lost it’s way is that it started to fashion itself as the show for the US Weekly crowd and consequently devoted its time to sill dramas attract your attention for one week. The problem was, there is only so many times you can put Nick and Jessica (or Ryan and Marissa!) break up before people start to look right past it on their way through the checkout.

As the show opened, the person who should have been given and advisory was Summer. The poor thing had to sit through Ryan and Seth playing Playstation, which isn’t exactly new, but she doesn’t have Coop to help her waste the time away. In fact, Sadie is nothing like Marissa, because Sadie knows how to play video games, and she really knows her way around a joystick (not that Ryan has had the pleasure). I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Sadie is great at Playstation; after all, she is poor, and if there is anything that you can learn from the OC, it’s that poor kids will usually outshine their wealthy counterparts in many practical ways like home improvement and Ratchet: Deadlocked.

Summer is trying her best to work with the new group dynamic, but it is sort of hard to go without your best friend. Sadie is nice enough, but Summer doesn’t like poor people the way Ryan does, so she has to keep her distance. Still, everything is going peacefully until we hear a knock on the door. Who could it be? Why it’s Jess, the girl who nearly died at Marissa’s house last year during a party. Trey took the fall for the party, and later, he and Jess hooked up. After the whole mess with the botched drug deal at the Bait Shop and Trey’s shooting, the two of them decided to try things for themselves in Vegas. Jess got sick of that life, found herself a new boyfriend, and is trying to start her life back in Newport.

Ryan doesn’t want anything to do with Jess, and doesn’t care what happened to his brother. Jess does give Ryan a little present Trey bought for him, and then leaves, but you know that this won’t be the last time that we see this stupid bitch. Sadie and Ryan are just getting to know each other, so I bet that Jess somehow tries to ruin everything for the two of them. It’s already sort of happened, since Sadie caught Ryan talking to Jess and wondered what was going on. They haven’t really put any labels on their relationship, but if Ryan was looking to make things last, he didn’t get off to a good start by not telling her the truth about Jess. Later, when Ryan opens his gift to discover it is some Hot Wheel car, Sadie asks what it means, and Ryan tells her it is an inside story. Listen I wasn’t expecting Sadie to stick around that long, but I was expecting her to last more than a week. If Ryan ruins their relationship because of dishonesty after one week, well I will have to shove one big boot of viewer angst up his ass.

There were other reminders of past episodes this week, like the return of Seth’s interview. We thought he may have ruined his chances at Brown by skipping the first interview, but let’s be honest, most of these interviews are done by alumni, and it’s likely that you already know them. Having actual college staff do the interview is so, well probably around the time the writers went to college. Anyway, Seth’s interview went really well, thanks in no small part to the fact that the interviewer was really into anime and so the two of them spent most of their time debating the old Akira vs. Ghost in the Shell debate. They’re both idiots, I say, Vision of Escaflowne owns them both!

Anyway, Seth is so stoked that he did well that he says that his bags are already packed. If they don’t pick up the show for a fourth season, maybe the kids are going to go to colleges far and away. If there is a fourth season, they are going to have to find a way to keep everybody in Los Angeles. Luckily for the writers of the OC, I have done my research and come up with a plan. OK, that is a lie; the plan actually comes from my good friend Margot, perhaps the most rabid OC fan on the isle of Manhattan. You have to keep everybody in Los Angeles, so why not take advantage of some of the best education Los Angeles has to offer? I give you the The OC plan for the Claremont Colleges.

Summer, being the most normal of the crew would go to Claremont McKenna. Seth, being the smart and intellectual type, would head to Pomona. Ryan, being all hands-on and practical would rock Harvey Mudd. Marissa, being “alternative” would have the best time at Pitzer. Not too shabby don’t you think? Sadly, it’s much too sensible for the writers, but you can’t say that we didn’t try and help.

Seth is so excited about his interview that he wants to celebrate, and when Summer bumps into Taylor a little later, Taylor offers to make a flan. I’m not sure what it is about Taylor, but something about her just make me want to taste her flan. When Summer says that she wants the celebration to be a little more intimate, Taylor gets the hint. Summer’s dad is gone, Seth comes over, a little chocolate, some strawberries, a dollop or two of whip cream. The earth should be moving long into the night for the two of them, right? That’s probably what Summer would like to happen, but Seth’s idea of a celebration is much more Blade Trilogy than 9 1/2 weeks, which is too bad because Kim Basinger is H-O-T, even if we have to deal with a lot of Mickey Rourke was well. Ms. Basinger is currently near the top of my list of hottest women over 50 (Kim Cattrall will be joining her this year as well).

When Taylor hears that Summer’s celebration is going to be Wesley Snipes and left over Thai, she laments at how the two of them have lost the magic, and warns that Summer may need to take care of it soon. If Summer is not making Seth as horny as before, then she’ll have to learn before his eye wonders to other nubile coeds. Taylor reminds Summer that the male libido has does not listen to logic, but it controlled by a reptilian force to spread the seed. And sometimes, that force needs more than hand cream and a box of tissues.

Speaking of needs, it seems that Sadie has some needs of her own, not that Ryan would notice. He is still distracted by Jess’s visit, and still not being honest about how he feels. Even after Sadie says that she will listen to what he has to say without judgment (poor people never judge, you see), Ryan won’t open up. Seth sees that Ryan could be on the verge of ruining yet another relationship and tells him he has two choices: dwell on the past with Jess, or live for the now and give Sadie a call. Surprisingly, Ryan actually listens to somebody’s advice and gives Sadie a call about meeting up later that night.

As far as ridiculous relationships go, I think Marissa and Volchok certainly qualify. Actually, let me rephrase that, because I think that the two of them together might actually work, but the way the writers have brought them together is one huge joke. Volchok isn’t really trying to woo Marissa as much as he is stalking her. I think she is curious about him, and she has always gone for the bad boy. First you had Luke, then Ryan, then Oliver, then Ryan, then DJ (he was a bad ass landscaper!), then Alex (OK, she was a girl), then Ryan, and now possibly Volchok. I say that it might work because Volchok is really the best bad boy since the original Ryan version 1.0. Ryan went from bad boy to middle aged, which is probably why Marissa broke up with him in the first place. Although I believe that Marissa wants to go with Volchok, she isn’t admitting it herself. Her mom is gone, Summer is busy, and she doesn’t want to be alone. She can’t go over to the Cohen’s because of Ryan, which only leaves her with…Matt Ramsey? Yes, Marissa heads to Matt’s apartment, and he tells her that she can crash for the evening. Okayyyyy. I guess that makes sense.

She’d have more friends if she visited more buildings with, you know, people.

Even if Marissa had spent time with Summer, I am not sure what the Blade trilogy would have done for her sanity. Taylor said that guys have an illogical libido, and Seth would qualify, not because he is trying to spread his seed, but because he seems oblivious to the urges. Listen, every couple reaches a point where the same old doesn’t really do it for you anymore. You need to find something to spice things up, but I guess since Summer’s attempt at dressing up like wonder woman and Seth’s issues with whip cream and young coeds have bad memories, they are going to have to find something new. However, I for the life of me can’t figure out why Seth is not humping Summer as often as humanly possible. How many years did he go without a girlfriend? God forbid something happen to Summer or they should break up, but why is Seth so sure that he will ever get to have another person with a vagina share his bed ever again? If he can’t pitch a tent over Summer, Seth has a problem.

Although I previously thought that Ryan was going to give Sadie a chance, he decides to head over to Jess’s house. He does want to hear about what is happening to his brother. I am not sure what he couldn’t have just sent her an e-mail or a text message and read about it in the morning, but when he gets to her house, he finds out her parents aren’t there, and while she may have a boyfriend, she is going to do her best to seduce Ryan. Ryan doesn’t want to stick around, but he wants to know more about Trey. He doesn’t go over to Sadie’s and is so pissed off at himself that he starts beating up his punching bag. As a fun exercise, watch the scenes whenever people are in the pool house, and count how many times you actually see the punching bag. Kirsten walks in, recognizes that he is having girl problems and gives Ryan a little more Cohen advice: just because Sadie isn’t tied to some train tracks doesn’t mean that she should be ignored. Yes Ryan, stop trying to find somebody who needs to be fixed and concentrate and finding somebody who might actually be right for you.

Sandy decides that he has to have a chat with Matt about something he heard from Dr. Henry Griffin, namely that Matt’s life is full of parties, gambling, and booze. It’s such a problem that Dr. Griffin wants Matt to be taken off of the project or the medical board will pull out of the hospital. Since he is such a nice guy, Sandy wants to give Matt a chance to defend himself, but when he shows up at Matt’s apartment, the only person he finds is Marissa, dressed like she had just slept over, which is probably because she did just sleep over. Seeing Marissa there in the morning makes as much sense to Sandy as it made for us to see Marissa there at night. What could she be there for? They aren’t friends. A ha! Since Marissa is a boozer and a sort of a druggie, Matt must be dealing drugs to underage kids and then having sex with them! It’s all so very simple!

When Sandy tells all of this to Kirsten, she seems to be a lot more understanding. Matt isn’t much older than the boys, so he has to understand that. I would like to say that Matt, at age 26, should be mature enough to distinguish himself from high school seniors, but from my own experience that is not the case. This past weekend, I had some college friends in my apartment playing beer pong and trading stories of our funniest booting experiences. Therefore, I will let Sandy cast the first stone in this argument, or at least I would if Sandy wasn’t so busy trying to get into Kirsten’s pants all the time. If I were Seth, I would be embarrassed at how Sandy seems to be more interested in sex than he is. Sandy does have a good excuse though, saying that studies show that kids with affectionate parents grow up to be better adjusted sexually. I guess that explains why Seth never had a girlfriend until somebody from Chino moved into the pool house.

Seth is kind of oblivious to the problems between him and Summer, but summer is definitely worried. She gets a chance to see Marissa at the bait shop, and let’s it be known that she wonders if Seth is saving himself until he is being enticed by a big pair of pale, New England boobs. No Summer, what is really going to entice him is the New England winter bikini wax, which is might be called “the Amazon jungle”, but doesn’t have anything in common with “the Brazilian”. And should summer complain about being pale? I don’t think so. Marissa would like to say something, but she is too distracted by Volchok, who happens to be stalking her, yet again, right at the Bait Shop.

Jess has her own stalker, also known as an ex-boyfriend, who can’t deal with the fact that Jess wants to break up. Ryan goes over to Jess’s to chase away her boyfriend, and when she starts crying about her memories of Trey, he stays overnight to make sure she is going to be all right. Considering how often her parents are away, you would think that they could afford an armed guard, and that’s assuming that the gated community she is a part of doesn’t have their own security service. If she needed somebody removed, Ryan didn’t have to stay overnight.

When he wakes up, Jess has prepared breakfast, but Ryan doesn’t want to stick around, even when Jess gets a phone call and it’s Trey on the other end. This may be the first time I use “good” and “acting” in the same sentence when talking about Ben McKenzie without the phrase “thing his livelihood doesn’t depend on having skill at” in between them, but I actually saw a little emotion on his face and you could tell how much Ryan wanted to move on from his past, but at the same time can’t sever that connection with his family. That being said, he doesn’t have any such connection with Jess, so there is no reason not to kick her to the curb. Ryan tells Jess that he won’t stick around to baby-sit her, and if she is feeling sad, invite some of her friends from USC and have a party if she wants to.

I had thought that Seth hadn’t noticed things getting a little same old, same old with Summer, but he was becoming a little self-aware. He asked his father whether he noticed things getting stale with monogamy over the years, and I am not sure what possessed Seth to ask about his parents’ sex life, because any answer is sure to scar you, but Sandy told him that his mom was a firecracker. Judging by the look on Seth’s face, that’s not the answer he was looking for. Luckily, Sadie came by, giving Seth a chance to avoid further damage to his fragile psyche.

Seth gave Sadie some advice about Ryan and how he just got out of a two-year drama fest and how when he tried to date somebody normal the fans nearly cried for days she turned out to be his dead grandfather’s illegitimate daughter, which is a lie, because we all know Caleb wasn’t dead at the time, but really doesn’t make it less creepy. What Seth really needed was some answers to his problems with Summer, and although a lot of other people failed to help, Taylor Townsend wouldn’t give up so easily.

Earlier, Taylor had see Summer buying breakfast, and wondered why Ms. Roberts didn’t have any signs of extended love making like chapped lips, marks on the neck, and hoarse voice from screaming (I guess she didn’t think Seth was man enough to induce any other sort of throat trauma). I’ve actually seen Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson walk into a restaurant for some food, and Ms. Bilson had many more of the tell tale signs that her on-screen counterpart didn’t exhibit, so don’t worry about her too much.

Anyway, Taylor made excuses to get Seth and Summer to the high school. Taylor’s father was a licensed sex therapist, so she got to see all of the wonderful things that he was able to do for people, including all of the couple’s sessions in the basement. I hope she was talking about euchre or Parcheesi, because anything else is slightly weird. Taylor starts with some touching exercises, which is supposed to help a couple find some stirring deep in their loins not associated with the consumption of oysters or viagra. Unfortunately, Seth and Summer had nothing. Could this be the end? Would Seth let a little performance anxiety come between him and Summer? Would Summer not fake an orgasm to save her relationship even when millions of women across America are doing the same thing?

As frustrated as those two may have been about their sex lives, it doesn’t compare to how sick I was about Ryan and Jess. I thought that Jess inviting her friends from USC would be a great idea. Actually, I wondered how Jess got any friends at USC. I had thought that she was a senior in high school last year, and if she spent so much time living with Trey, how did she have time to enroll at USC? Is it really worth putting this ridiculous part into the story just so the writers can score some points with some USC alum friends of theirs? Ryan did go to dinner with Sadie, but instead of turning his phone off like any polite young gentleman on a date, he answered the phone. By the way, if you are sick of that, do what I do. Once the other person answers their cell phone, ask to use the bathroom, and then bolt out of there. If you aren’t interesting enough for her to give up an hour or so of conversation, you don’t have a chance buddy.

Ryan finds out that Sadie’s gathering for her friends turned into a big USC road trip. Ha! Maybe the kids from UC Irvine would make the trip, but I think anybody at USC who had enough time to drive down to Newport for a party would probably have found something better to do closer to campus. So there are a ton of kids at her house, and her boyfriend showed up as well. Ryan has to go over there, and then he did something completely unexpected. No, he got rid of the jerk, and saved Jess from trouble, but I can actually say that he might have made a clean break! Yes, that’s right! He told Jess that he has to stop seeing girls like her. Now all he has to do is try and find Sadie and salvage some of his so-called relationship.

Ryan was busy saving his relationship, and Taylor was still determined to do the same for Seth and Summer. She decided that she needs to take a more direct route. How does she know so much about sex? Well, “Dean Hess hid a treasure trove of secrets underneath his pink shirts”, which I guess means that Taylor Townsend has a treasure trove of secrets underneath her pleated skirts. Taylor has a little book for Seth called the Kama Sutra. It’s not that Taylor had to use the book because she couldn’t remember what was in it, but it was probably better to show Seth illustrations rather than practicing on her. Seth gets to Summer’s house and he doesn’t wait for her approval. He throws Princess Sparkle in the drawer so she doesn’t have to witness anything and throws himself on Summer, who is more than willing to get down and dirty. Looks like there won’t be any problems in that relationship for at least another ten or fifteen minutes, depending on how much ginseng Seth has been taking. Yet another couple that learns the joys of make up sex. That’s really what the world needs: peace, love, and make up sex. Then everybody would be happy.

Lukewarm

Seth wasn’t the only person making sweet love that night. Ryan gets over to Sadie’s place (they are almost finished with the renovations), and finally tells her the truth. Sadie has been pretty understanding of his shit, so it’s good to see that Ryan realizes she simply wants to get close to him. The toy car he received symbolized a dream he and his brother always had. When his mother would get drunk or get in a fight with somebody, they would go into a back room of their house, play cars and try and pretend nothing was happening. Trey used to say he would get a Camaro and take them out of Chino, which he sort of did. There was the Camaro, but it was stolen, and Ryan and Trey did get out of Chino, although Ryan went to Newport and Trey went to jail.

Hotter

The reason Ryan had kept quiet with Sadie is that he wasn’t used to unloading on people, a problem that he looked to fix in a few minutes. Ryan and Sadie were having a little make up sex of their own, but they were nowhere near the hottest couple of the night. No that award doesn’t go to Seth and Summer either. That award goes to Volchok and Marissa. After spurning his advances, Marissa decides to give in to the stalking and Volchok’s offer to get her mind off of a few things. I have to say, the sex scene was pretty good between these two. Sadie and Ryan were good together, but Volchok and Marissa really turned it up a notch. Watching Ryan and Marissa be intimate was like watching a zombie movie where zombies make out with each other instead of eating brains. Call it “Night of the Humping Dead”. Not so with Volchok and Marissa. I am not sure if there relationship will be anything but hot, grimy sex, but if it’s good enough for her mom, I think Marissa will take manic sex over manic depression. Let’s all hope for more episodes with parental guidance suggested.

El cuarto de Marissa que ha cogido candela

I thought this was a pretty good episode overall. I thought the weakest part was Dr. Griffith and his beef with Matt. The Newport Group is more than one hospital project, so if Dr. Griffith didn’t want Matt on the project, what is the difference? Hire some pretty face, and let Matt run a puppet contracting regime. No need to make a huge deal about it. However, I have to give props for the writers for showing that decisions in the past have consequences. It’s too bad Sandy didn’t own up to being the one who put pressure on Maia when her father was blaming Matt though. The rest of the stories had a good mix of comedy, and although I still don’t get why Marissa and Volchok got together, at least I can take a guess. Next week, it looks like the fun continues as Dr. Roberts comes back with a new fiancée, Julie Cooper. Marissa and Summer have always been like sisters, so if their parents marry, that should be perfect, right?

“Hey!” Count: Episode – 19, Season – 393