Recap: The OC: Cupid Draw Back Your Bow

It’s Valentine’s Day on The O.C.!!! Ususally this is good for some massive hijinks involving a bungled romantic attempt by Seth, but this year is all about the old people. Yeah, Julie Cooper Nicholl Roberts Cooper takes center stage in this episode. Who will she pick? Frankules, her possible soulmate? Or Bullit, the rich guy who Kaitlyn loves but kind of makes everyone else’s skin crawl? Well, who do you think she’s going to pick? There’s only three episodes left people, and we need our Julie happy dammit! In other news, what happened between Kirsten and Jimmy Cooper all those years ago? And what does the future hold for Seth and Summer? All these questions and more after the jump!So I absolutely love that this episode of The O.C. starts off with Ryan suggesting to his girlfriend that they don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. To, you know, stave off any disasters that might befall them. I love it because it’s completely impossible. Impossible you ask? Yes, impossible that Ryan’s balls would remain in tact after making the suggestion. Taylor is a little crazy over this suggestion, but Ryan assures her that this decision has NOTHING to do with how he feels about her, the recent troubles they’ve been having or the mysterious address that is sitting on his night stand. Nothing at all. Well, it doesn’t take Velma and the Scooby Van to figure out what’s going to happen next. Taylor steals the address, proving that romance and trust is very alive, and heads off to check it out. Who will be behind the door? Sadie or Lindsay? Perhaps Theressa? Maybe that slutty waitress Ryan banged when he was visiting his mom. Oh, no, it’s just Ryan’s dad, Frankules.

Frankules listens to Taylor complain to him (blame him) about Ryan’s icy demeanor. He just can’t love. Cut the guy some slack Taylor. Frankules admits that he’s the same way, which is why he used to drink a lot and beat the family. Now that he’s off the sauce he can barely feel anything. Which is sad. Alcoholics are a lot more lovable. Frankules also expresses guilt over how he left things with Ryan last time (fake cancer, etc.), and would like to see Ryan one last time to make things right. Taylor, not one to leave well enough alone, concocts one of her schemes to get the erstwhile father-son talking again. It’s almost a good thing this show is signing off: I almost just described Taylor’s scheme as “zany.”

Next up, it’s flashback time. The flashbacks belong to Kirsten, who is remembering a fight she had with an old lover (obviously Jimbo Cooper). I don’t know why this is happening, but I can only assume it’s to give the lovely and increasingly diminishing Kirsten something to do.

At Julie’s, she trying in the most delicate way possible to get the hell away from the rich, but painfully handsy Bullitt. It doesn’t help that he has vomit inducing plans for the town of them in a Four Seasons Suite that I can only imagine involves Julie and Bullit’s pistol. Julie is completely turned off, until she sees how sweet Bullitt is with Kaitlyn. Okay, she’s still turned off, but now she’s at least conflicted about it.

Walking the mall, Summer and Seth decide to have a little Valentine’s Day psychic reading. The psychic nails Seth’s reading: Going to Rhode Island for school, loves Death Cab, will only ever have sex with one woman. However, her reading for Summer is a little more cryptic. After being warned against falling objects, Summer is told that she will soon be in the news with Justin Timberlake (who isn’t?) and going to meet the love of her life, who will be named… GEORGE! Summer chalks this up to hogwash and hooey, but just then one of the little minions (oh how I’ve missed you) drops a skateboard from up above. All together: Dum Dum Dummmmm!

Taylor has gotten Ryan to dinner under false pretenses (road head), but he’s looking to bolt once he sees his dad. Taylor suggests that he stays – consider it a Valentine’s Day gift. As dinner is winding down, the Two Atwoods and their lady, are having a fine time, and it seems as though all is right in the world of the overly buff, painfully quiet men of Newport. Taylor start probing Frankules about the ladies in his life, and Frankules gets all quiet and weird a la Ryan. Well, wouldn’t you know it, just as Frankules is about to turn a brand new shade of red, Julie and Bullitt walk up, and Frankules face of stone turns to mush. Taylor knows stalker love, so she calls Frankules out on being totally in L-O-V-E with Julie.

After dinner, Taylor is psyched to have something to do, besides decoupage a coffee table with pictures of Ryan’s ball sack, so she’s looking to set up Frankules and Julie. Ryan doesn’t think so, however. Julie might be a raging bitch from hell, but she deserves better than his dad. Say what? Although, Frankules mother is mere mortal, his dad is like, Zeus.

Kirsten just can’t stop dragging all of us down memory lane, as we see the anatomy of her break up with Jimmy Cooper a gazillion years ago. Summer even notices and takes this opportunity to ask Kirsten if she ever thought that Jimmy was going to be the one.

Taylor decides that since she only has the slightest grasp on her own love life, she is in the position to meddle in others. She heads over to Julie’s to duck season/rabbit season her into realizing that Frankules is the man for her. Julie picks up what Taylor is trying to do, especially after a rather graphic detailing of doing to horizontal mambo (always a favorite of mine) with Bullit’s loose skin and wrinkled balls. Julie says that Ryan has been through enough, and marrying his father shouldn’t be yet another thing that he has to endure. But Taylor quickly corrects the reformed vampire: Ryan’s only concern in the pairing is Julie.

It seems that some heavy duty psychic powers are starting to invade Newport, because the second premonition for Summer has just come true, as she is mentioned in the paper for her work with the sea otters, right next to an announcement that Justin Timberlake is playing the world famous Bait Shop (ha!). Seth is all smiles and confidence, because he’s got the money shot: The poem that Summer wrote in fifth grade that made Seth fall in love with her. Awww. How sweet! Only one problem, though. Summer stole that poem from Taylor! Ruh-Roh! Could it be true? Are Seth and Summer this generations Jimmy and Kirsten?

After talking to Taylor, Julie decides to head down to El Pavo Guapo, and talk to Ryan, who is perpetually bussing tables, but also always on a break. She wants him to know that Frankules is a good man, who she’d be lucky to be with. This melts Ryan’s icy heart and he calls Taylor to get in on her plans to put Frankules and Julie together. Unfortunately, Kaitlyn overhears these plans, and wants to put a stop to Taylor’s scheming. I gotta say a Taylor-Kaitlyn grudge match over Julie’s romantic future has just oodles of comic potential.

Summer is at home wondering about the future when a visitor pops on by. Oh no! Is it the devilishly handsome George, who will cast his spell upon her and make her fall out of love with Seth!?!?! Well, yes. And no! It’s actually a gentleman named Paul… from George. No, not George. GEORGE – Global Environmental Organization Rendering Greenhouse Emissions! Silly! He’s just offering her a job, not his heart. Phew!

Now that Kaitlyn knows there is a little friendly competition, she lets Bullitt know that he needs to step up his game if he’s going to land Julie. She wants diamonds! She wants airplanes! She wants a coat made out of 101 Dalmatian puppies! Get to it, Bullitt!

Sandy and Kirsten are out for a Valentine’s Day dinner (what happened to V-Day being Kirsten’s fav?), but Kirsten isn’t feeling so great. She’s exhausted from strolling down memory lane all day! I suppose all this baby talk at 40 has her remembering about the time she got knocked up with Jimmy Cooper’s baby and had it aborted. She feels this is the right time to let Sandy know all this. Downer.

Outside the Yacht Club, Kaitlyn intercepts her mom via limo to tell her that there is a surprise rendezvous in store for her, provided by Team Bullitt. Just then Ryan tells Julie that she needs to come with her to meet Frank. Julie is torn, but says that in another life, she would’ve loved to have gone to Frank. She gets in the limo, but Team Frank has won this round, as the limo is driven by Taylor. Brilliant!

Taylor takes Julie to a dumpy hot dog stand, where Frankules is waiting for her. Aww, being poor is so romantic! Frankules realizes that he can’t get her anything fancy (the hot dogs aren’t even Oscar Mayer), but he does love her. Julie is visibly moved, but Kaitlyn arrives and reminds her mother that Bullitt is waiting for her. Julie knows what she has to do: Even if she doesn’t love Bullitt, Kaitlyn does, and she deserves to be happy.

There’s some more Kirsten and Sandy stuff going on, but to be honest I gave my DVR a bit of a work out during most of it, only stopping to confirm that it was indeed Deputy Leo from Veronica Mars playing the young Sandy in Kirsten’s flashback.

Tying up some other loose ends, Seth comes to Summer to assure her that while she was a vapid monstrous fifth-grader who bartered birthday party invitations for poems, she has grown into the woman he loves today. Summer seems pleased, and explains to Seth what GEORGE is and what it is offering her: a one-year bus trip around the country giving environmental speeches to college students. She’s going to have to give it a whirl to see what it’s about, and hold off on Brown for another year. She then gives Seth a collage of great couples through time, leaving a space for the two of them. They may just be each other’s destiny yet.

Kaitlyn and Julie are headed to the airport for Bullit’s overcompensating surprise, but Julie isn’t feeling it. Kaitlyn, a little slow on the uptake, realizes that her mother is les miz, over the thought of being with Bullitt. When the limo gets to the airport, it’s only Kaitlyn there to witness Bullit’s huge, Texan heart shatter into a million pieces.

But where is Julie!?!?! Oh she’s reunited with Frankules, and it feels so good!