Seriously, Did Mischa Barton Really Do That?

The O.C.

By B-Side | Friday, November 5, 2004 | 4:03 pm | 41 Comments

logo_tunein.jpgThe OC is back, and boy was it gay. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. It’s just that when a show opens on gratuitious shots of twenty sweaty, shirtless, muscled men wandering around, you can’t help feeling like The OC went to summer camp and came back a little changed. Indeed, things have changed in The OC. Seth has sailed off to, uh, somewhere, Ryan has shacked up with his preggers girlfriend (he doesn’t drink, but he loves to knock up the ladies. Boo condoms!), and Marissa has taken to the bottle (and I don’t mean Dexatrim). What does this all mean? Well, for one thing, lots of whining and brooding. Apparently the writers still haven’t realized that the worst episodes of last year were the ones that tried to be serious. On the other hand, we did get the instant classic TV camp moment when Marissa vented her frustration with a long, silly primal scream. Yes, witty banter and awkward acting. Welcome back, OC.The show started off like any typical episode – lots of morning banter. Except instead of Seth popping in on his parents’s badinage, it was those damn construction workers. Literally. Just when you thought Sandy and Kirsten had escaped to a shirtless-extra safe zone, another one would just waltz right through. Now, I don’t want to harp on this, but exactly which construction company was this? Did they have some sort of “No fatass” policy? Very Bravo.

Nevertheless, there was plot to be had, and in the season premiere, we learned that Kirsten was not happy that her son had just gone and sailed off. Apparently she had embarked in a hunger strike because her sternum was popping through her skin. “Bring him home,” she deplored Sandy. Uh, why don’t you do it, you lazy bitch. Besides, isn’t he in a boat somewhere in the Pacific? Actually no. We soon learned that Seth had made his way up Portland where he was living with new BFF, Luke, and his Jim McGreevyish dad. I felt bad about Poppa Luke. Had he known this new beefcake construction company was in town, I’m sure he would have stuck around a little longer.

Speaking of beefcake, another shirtless guy popped up, this time at Marissa’s new palatial home. While Summer and Marissa sipped iced tea apparently spiked with ethanol, the new gardener – shirtless and muscular of course – made eyes at the ladies. Honestly, not every manual laborer is chiselled and shirtless. Can we just put the casting director in a cold shower and be done with this? Anyway, the girls had some ironically self-aware banter, with Summer telling Marissa that she’s gotten so skinny, to which Marissa replied “I eat.” Yeah, she and Kirsten go off for meals all the time. Yesterday, they shared an amazing piece of iceburg lettuce.

Elsewhere in the OC, Jimmy Cooper proudly displayed his new scruffy look. It was part of the obvious mood-meter the producers seemed to be employing. You know, scruff on Jimmy = happiness. Scruff on Ryan = discontent. Flask on Marissa = sadness. Meat on Kirsten’s bones = Seth’s home. Speaking of Ryan, Sandy paid a visit to him in Chino to rally his support for a Come Back Seth campaign. Amazingly, this Ryan scene was free of ponderous melodrama and darting glances. Heck, there was even a smile or two from Mr. McKenzie.

Oh, but it didn’t last long. The house of Ryan and Theresa was seething with malcontent. You see, Theresa peeled Ryan’s oranges for work, and well, that makes him hesitant. I don’t know why really. Maybe some childhood trauma? A clementine prank gone wrong? Either way, with Ryan in full brooding mode, he stepped out onto his street where a convenient gaggle of kids on bikes mandated a slow motion flashback to a young Ryan, standing in a muscle T, seemingly asking “What went wrong Ryan? Where did your youth go?” My only question was “How long has he been wearing beaters?” Didn’t he ever wear like a Mickey Mouse T-shirt?

Anyway, Sandy boarded a plane out of his muscle clad county and surprised Seth at Luke’s house. Amazingly, no one said “Welcome to the PDX, bitch!” – although if I remember correctly, Luke did make a similar joke to that on his last episode. I have to admit, I was amused by Sandy’s Portland entrance. Seth and Luke were hanging out in the kitchen when Luke’s dad walked in and announced there was a visitor. Then from around the corner came Sandy. Ta-da! I wonder if they staged that: “Okay Sandy. You stand right there. Then, when I say the codeword, you walk into the kitchen. It will be divine!”

Meanwhile, back in Newport Beach, Kirsten continued to stew around the house. Jimmy and Marissa Cooper stopped by, thus providing the first “hey’s” of the new season. We’re still waiting for the all important Mischa Barton/Ben McKenzie “hey”. Anyway, Jimmy and Kirsten babbled to each other a little in the doorway. Jimmy came up with the umpteenth excuse as to why Hailey was a no show – she was at work apparently. Yeah, she got this really awesome job as a concierge in a Hawaiian hotel. I forget where it is. Maybe the North Shore?

Anyway, while Jimmy and Kirsten engaged in small talk, Marissa wandered off to the poolhouse where she debated whether or not to enter. Mischa Barton solemnly attempted a Merchant Ivory moment of “I yearn, but I shan’t!”, and as usual, the scene wound up laughably dumb as she yanked her hands away from the tempting doorknobs of the poolhouse. Were they electrified?

Up in Portland, the Luke’s and the Cohens sat down to a festive dinner. Sandy tried to start some upbeat conversation, but Seth, who’s suddenly turned into a whiny bitch, got fresh. The two engaged in a hostile spat while Luke and his dad watched from the sidelines. I was surprised that Luke’s dad didn’t get all sing-songy and say “Awkward!”

Speaking of awkward, the Mischa Barton acting trainwreck continued to steamroll through the episode. Late at night, Marissa snuck into a lifeguard shack and partook in her flask of shame. With her eyebrows slightly furrowed and her lips attempting to quiver, we knew she was trying oh so hard to showcase emotional complexity, but instead it looked like she was merely holding back some vomit (which is not entirely out of the picture). Marissa dialed up Ryan and the two sat on the phone without speaking. Yes, the drama was so thick with emotion that not even an awkward “Hey” could be uttered.

The next day, after one too many peeled oranges, Ryan announced he was going up to Portland to fetch Seth, his affluent hetero-lifemate. While he was in transit, we zipped back to Marissa for what we just knew would be more Emmy-worthy material. Sure enough, Mischa did not disappoint. Excited to go to some new Yoga-lates type class with her daughter, Julie Cooper harumphed over to Marissa who was suntanning poolside with an iPod. “We’re late,” she announced to her daughter, but Marissa simply ignored her, eager to soak up the rays in her skeletal frame. When Julie finally disconnected the iPod, Marissa whined, “I was listening to that.” I half expected her to add “It was really good emo! Josh Schwartz recommended it to me! You have no appreciation for the Garden State soundtrack!!!”

Of course, what happened next has already become legendary amongst fans of the show. When pressed by her mother to open up and tell her how she feels, Marissa simply let out a loud, inauthentic scream and flipped a pool chair in the water. Uh, so she doesn’t like the lawn furniture? By the way, bravo to Mischa Barton. Not many actresses are so bold to clearly delineate the limits of their acting, but she did it with such grace and aplomb. That just has to be rewarded. I mean, how many actresses would ever dare to yell “Ahhhhhhhhhh” as if they were actually reading it off a page?

Now, I know J-Unit posted this in his recap, but dammit, it just has to be seen again. And so now ladies and gentlemen of the Academy, for your consideration, Mischa Barton:


Click on image to play movie.

While Mischa yelled her substantially taxed heart out, Ryan arrived in Portland. Once again Luke’s dad introduced him with a “We have another guest!” and ta-da, out stepped Ryan from around the corner. Honestly, do they do this when the cleaning lady comes? “Guess who? It’s Consuela!” Anyway, Ryan and Seth had a warm reunion that was only plagued by ball and chain Theresa, who called to announce that she had had a miscarriage. So THAT’s why she didn’t look pregnant! Oh, and she also doesn’t want Ryan to come home because it’s obvious that they don’t love each other and he hates her peeled oranges and blah blah blah. The nice twist here was that after the call, we found out that the baby might very well be alive and well. WE’LL SEE!

Back in The OC, we learned that Caitlyn – who’s in the market for a non-balding pony – will be going off to boarding school, which was Josh Schwartz’s way of quietly shipping off a character for the season. Sandy, who had since returned from The Portland, met up with Caleb who seems to have found himself in an Enron type mess. Sandy warned him: “Clouds have gathered. It’s gonna rain on you, on all of us. Get your storm windows.” He then added “Put on your raincoat, make sure you roll up the car windows, close the skylight, find the golashes, go down to the corner store and buy an umbrella.”

While Sandy and Caleb prepared for the worst, Seth and Ryan shared a tender moment as they talked about Newport. To indicate that everything was cool with them, Ryan peppered his dialogue with casual “man’s”, or as he pronounces it, “mahn” (with the n sound trailing off). Alas, it was time to leave. Ryan and Seth said their goodbyes and the Chino native headed off to his cab. Suddenly the scene became intensely homoerotic as the emo music blared, Seth’s food started to shake and he bolted for the front door as if to say “WAIT!” Seth swung open the door, and who was there? RYAN. Honestly, I thought they were going to make out right on the spot. Instead, they just made their way back down to Newport where Karen Carpenter, I mean, Kirsten leapt from her seat and embraced the boys. Ah yes. All’s well that ends well in Orange County. Now maybe we can move on from this whiny episode and get back to the lighthearted fare we know and love.

About

41 Comments

  1. 1
    Ty
    Posted November 7, 2004 at 3:40 am

    Just to let you know.

    There is no emo-music on the Garden State soundtrack.

    Mostly Indie stuff.

    Just to let you know.
    And if I’m getting the impression that you guys think the OC suck…then..
    You are absolutely 100% correct. Congratulations.

    Just. Don’t confuse emo with indie.
    Please.
    For the love of god.

  2. 2
    B-Side
    Posted November 7, 2004 at 3:18 pm

    Ty – I hate to break it to you, but most emo is actually indie. I’m sorry, Garden State is very very emo. Doesn’t mean that it’s bad though. But in the case of The OC, they use emo so pretentiously that I can’t help rolling my eyes every time it pops up on the soundtrack.

  3. 3
    blarg
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 10:36 am

    no seriously, the garden state soundtrack has no emo on it. the OC does use emo. But the garden state soundtrack has no emo. just because it’s whiny doesn’t make it emo.

  4. 4
    drchip
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 10:57 am

    Good re-cap. After this episode I am convinced the Seth character is GAY. There is no other explanation… at the end of last season I thought how the hell is anyone gonna sail more then few miles offshore in a 20ft catamaran dingy.

    But for me any man that moves 1000mi away after finally getting a hottie like Summer to acknowledge him in private, public and family because his male “friend” moved a lousy 40mi up the 57 freeway has no other excuse.

  5. 5
    b-side
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 12:14 pm

    I don’t know. I think Garden State has emo. I mean, the Iron and Wine cover of the Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights” sounds emo enough on its own, never mind the fact that it’s roots are a Death Cab for Cutie side project.

  6. 6
    smithie
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 12:55 pm

    I had to look up what emo was. Does that make me so not cool?

  7. 7
    Jim Treacher
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 2:22 pm

    Speaking of The O.C. and gayness, I hope you all will check out my Seth Cohen slash fic:

    http://jimtreacher.com/archives/001163.html

  8. 8
    smithie
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 2:41 pm

    I am currently spending my work day watching General Hospital, a classic soap if ever there was one. Anyway, a baby just died during birth and when the biological father was told he let out a very Mischa Barton yelp of scripted sadness/anguish. Then they showed the outline of the guy who was going to be the everyday daddy holding the dead baby behind a curtain, very Frankenstein “It’s Aliiiive” super creepy, yet they were playing Sara Mclaughlin’s “Angel” in the background so it just made it sad. Anyway, the moral of the story is Mischa Burton sucks.

  9. 9
    Genevieve
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 4:31 pm

    Wow! Who knew she had enough strength to pick up a chair & throw it?

  10. 10
    Kristy
    Posted November 8, 2004 at 10:45 pm

    I hate The OC. I heart emo. I hate that The OC has an emo soundtrack, as if any of those kids would listen to emo if they were real people. Mischa Barton in “concert clothes” for Rooney gave me my best laughs all year. Yuck.

    NO ONE in Orange County would ever call it the OC, for fear of serious butt-whoopage.

  11. 11
    Larissa
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 9:17 am

    The OC is a great show and any of you who dont appreciate suck ass. If you have seen this show since last season then you obviously didnt think it sucked last year or else you wouldn’t have wasted your time. And about Mischa Barton, who can you say she sucks? I dont see your ass on the t.v. And about that clip…it was ballsy. How many of us have just wanted to scream or punch or kick something because were upset? It makes sense, at least to me and most of the world. When you get upset most people cry. When it all builds up you just want to scream. I saw that and i just wished i could do the same sometimes. So while you argue about how its soundtrack is EMO and not EMO and Indie and not Indie and discuss how Seth is gay and Mischa sucks..the rest of the normal world is just noticing how it relates to them. The things that really matter. Who gives a shit if the soundtrack plays the “wrong” type of music for its episodes. If you have such a problem, dont watch…dont listen. No ones asking you too. All that we ask is that you stop your bitching. If you have such a problem go and watch re-run episodes of futurama or some other cartoon. More your style maybe. Ass

  12. 12
    Angelina
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 9:26 am

    I just came here to watch the clip of Mischa again and then i read all of these comments. The O.C. is an awesome show, thats why it was one of the most anticipated premieres of the year. Mischa Barton is a great actress, anyone who thinks otherwise is an asshole. This show is supposed to be understandable, obviously some of you dont understand it. Yea, some of the stories are a little far fetched for some people but shit happens. And whoever was talking about WHY she did it? Hmm the producers and writers told her to…she played it well. Hell, if i had a 4 million dollar house and the love of my life ran out with a girl he impregnated, my mom married a man whose old enough to be my grandfather, and my dads dating a girl barely 5 years older than me…I’d be pretty damn angry too. I’d throw much more than my table and chair in, i’d probably toss my mom too. If you dont like the show, dont watch. And dont be an ass and criticize every little detail, i mean dont you guys have better things to do like pick your nose, study middle school home economics and masturbate? Ask your moms to drive you to the mall so you can g shop at kids abercrombie and limited too. Seriously, get lives.

  13. 13
    J-Unit
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 9:38 am

    Re: Mischa Barton is a great actress,

    I think she peaked sometime around Lost and Delirious, and has been downhill ever since.

    Angelina and Larissa,

    Since you are either the same person or are using the same computer, I will address this to both of you. Umm, chill out. If you can’t criticize and have fun with the shows that you love, you have to loosen up. I suggest you take your own advice and not come to TVgasm if you are just going to be an ass and criticize every detail.

  14. 14
    b-side
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 9:42 am

    Larissa,

    I think it’s great that you relate to Mischa Barton. Tell me, how is your eating disorder going?

  15. 15
    Larissa
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 10:52 am

    haha b-side…And how is the 7th grade? hit puberty yet or are you still checking the mirror everyday for your very first pubic hair?

  16. 16
    b-side
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 11:28 am

    Whoa, what’s that sound?

    Oh, it’s just about twelve jokes going right over Larissa’s head.

  17. 17
    C.F.
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 11:50 am

    Why does everyone thing Mischa Barton is SO hot? As my boyfriend put it.. “yeah she looks good… for a JC Penney model”. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

    and for all you sorry people trying to defend your ‘emo’ or ‘indie’ music… um, get a life.

  18. 18
    b-side
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 11:59 am

    All the squabbling on this post (which includes me in surprisingly squabble-tastic form) means one thing: nothing good can come from emo music discussions.

  19. 19
    Stephen
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 12:05 pm

    I agree with J-unit, larissa, you most certainly need to chill out.. besides it’s just a show
    who says you can’t criticize?
    I personally believe the acting is somewhat ridiculous, and ought to be critized, and not simply to be assumed as grand piece of acting, and certainly not on the grounds that you might relate to the emotional development of the charatcer.
    If nothing else this show will mostly fall into the ” what ever happened too.. ” category. As the 90210, and Dawson creek had their teeny bop generations I believe the OC will follow through it’s presently trendy show status only to fade away due to recycled soap opera plots of the misfortunes of the fabulous lifes of 4 million dollar homeonwers, with troubled teens in love triangles into the ” what ever happened too..”

  20. 20
    Jen
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 12:09 pm

    I love it!

  21. 21
    monica
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 1:00 pm

    i was really dissapointed by the first episode of the oc… yes mischa or wtv sucked at acting and seths mom is anoerexic like no other.. i mean damn… and all the sweaty guys in the begining SO CHEESY… HORRIBLE EPISODE… WORST ONE YET.

  22. 22
    Matt Youngblood
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 1:40 pm

    This is where I defend my viewership of The O.C.

    1) Yes, the acting is sub-par. But what is par? Anthony Hopkins, Denzel Washington? Come on, it’s a weekly Thursday night soap opera, you can’t expect stellar performances from a cast where a third of the members can’t even drink. And that matters somehow. Because actors drink. A lot.

    2) Emo music vs. Indie music. I think that attempts to genrify music are just attempts to become the Grandmaster Professor of Music and therefore collect all the cool points. People who think they know, don’t. I listen to what I like, and The OC has introduced me to some bands that are quite enjoyable. Enough said.

    3) Storylines and shit. Okay of course the storyline is ridiculous it’s a soap opera. The point is to get you emotionally involved with the characters, and in order to keep it interesting they make things gradually more… insane. To even stay alive as an hour-long “drama” on network tv, you almost are forced to subscribe to this formula to avoid being canceled after one and a half seasons.

    4) Good looking characters. You have to have good looking characters. That’s it. People will literally not accept awkward teens unless they live obviously awkward lives. Who wants to see ugly rich kids? Not me. Who wants to see ugly poor kids? No one.

    5) I win. And rest my case.

  23. 23
    Jasmine
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 3:08 pm

    Could somebody please tell me what emo is?
    i honestly have no idea?
    where did it come from?

  24. 24
    emohater
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 3:17 pm

    emo is gay. all the people who like emo are just a bunch of whining little school girls who need crapy music to justify there shitty whining exsistence.ouch…i cannot spell ….wait i am whining that must make me emo.. crap i hate my little school girl self

  25. 25
    Kito
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 3:23 pm

    I don’t see why somebody up there had to drag Futurama and cartoons into this. To each his own.

  26. 26
    Rex
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 4:18 pm

    I’m more Indy than you are punk. Or is it I’m more punk than you are emo ? Whatever, I’m different and all that stuff, like all my friends.

  27. 27
    sara
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 6:07 pm

    i wouldn’t care if indie did emo up the butt. the only thing that really pissed me off about that premier was their portrayl was NOTHING like portland. did anyone else see the palm trees in the background? i know most of you dont care but now i know how people in orange county must feel. i hope they dont show portland again.

  28. 28
    Billey
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 6:36 pm

    I had a fing OC party at my house. How fing cool am I?

  29. 29
    emo sucks
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 7:00 pm

    I’d say you’re more of an fing douchebag then anything else.

  30. 30
    Billey
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 7:05 pm

    ya i live in portland and that looked nothing like it.

  31. 31
    Katy
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 8:24 pm

    RE: Mischa’s scream

    I thought that Mischa did a really good job with that. I have been at that point where everything is so messed up that you have no words and all you can do is just let it out in any way possible. Actually, my mom and I had a scene similar to that one when I was a teenager… well, minus the throwing of furniture into the pool, it was more like throwing my bedroom furniture around, but anyway, I just had to defend the criticism of Mischa’s acting skills in that scene because I really felt where Marissa was coming from, and so to me that means that Mischa did her job very well… at least in that scene.

  32. 32
    Larissa
    Posted November 9, 2004 at 9:00 pm

    i agree with Katy and Matt…their smart people

  33. 33
    jason
    Posted November 10, 2004 at 6:42 am

    emo sucks, oc is horrible with horrible lame acting

  34. 34
    Brandon
    Posted November 10, 2004 at 10:44 am

    I am fucking sick and tired of hearing all this shit about the O.C. Why are people so facinated with white collar California life? It’s a fad. Get over it.

  35. 35
    Spalding
    Posted November 10, 2004 at 12:33 pm

    The OC is sweet. Music wear the artist seems like he blows a nut because he has put so much into it rules regardless of what you call it. Mischa Barton and the scream had people rolling in my house. The ending tied everything up way to quick. Summer’s chest looks great. Oh, and the writers ahve listened too much to how people view all of the characters and consciously or not have written too much of that into the script, e.g. Luke’s comments about Summer’s chesticles, Summer’s comments about Marissa’s eating, etc. They should go back to writing like no one is watching the show. Get bent.

  36. 36
    t3h Ben
    Posted November 10, 2004 at 3:31 pm

    lol @ all of you

  37. 37
    Mikey
    Posted November 10, 2004 at 5:03 pm

    The O.C. rules. The only reason why this episode sucked (and this goes to credit the writers/producers) is because NOTHING is normal. Ryan is in Chino, Seth is in Portland, the house is being redone, Marissa is living with her mom, hell even Jimmy has a beard. I predict that the show returns to it’s greatness in the next few epsiodes as things return to “normal” (as normal as their lives can be called :)

  38. 38
    drchip
    Posted November 11, 2004 at 4:36 am

    I think I got it it now

    Pool boy (DJ) wants Marrisa
    Marrisa needs Summer
    Summer uses Zach
    Zach adores Seth
    Seth loves Ryan
    Ryan secretly yerns for the Pool boy

    Classic soap opera circle jerk

  39. 39
    (o_O)
    Posted November 15, 2004 at 6:51 pm

    alrighty. OC is a good show. I still find the yelling funny, but I’m a guy. Guys don’t freak out like that, I’ve seen girls freak out like that, its what they do. — Seth is still cool, cause he’s all about the art and hes sarcastic as hell. He’s gona get some wicked pussy this season, and then hes gona dump her because he wants to run off with DJ (Ryan will cry, head to Marissa) Marissa will get pregnant, lose the baby, then Teresa will give her the baby she had, Teresa will be hit by a bus, that Summer left on, so she can go find herself.

  40. 40
    smileybob
    Posted November 16, 2004 at 2:34 pm

    man it is really scary how seriously some people take the OC. and for the record:

    EMO = Emotional Punk

    for the most part there is no EMO on garden state (but making fun of stereotypes is fun)

    some emo bands are indie, but not all indie is emo, and not all emo is indie

    but that conversation was really funny, that happens alot with emo and indie. also for the most part emo is whiney and bitchy and melodramatic sorta like the OC, that is why it is great

  41. 41
    billey
    Posted November 22, 2004 at 9:46 pm

    Im still pretty fing cool

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