Johnny Isn’t Like Smoking. You Can Stop.

I know there are plenty of diehard fans of The OC out there, and I consider myself one of them, so I would like to ask all of you for some help. Did this last episode make sense? I would have actually given this episode some fairly decent marks, but there is this one story line that has become so muddled it’s really beginning to drag down the whole show. Yes, I am talking about Johnny, the character that lives on, even in death. I used to loathe that The OC would never introduce story lines and characters that would last more than two weeks. I guess I should be careful what I wish for.The first two minutes of the episode were really the funniest to me. Summer was narrating to herself, Sex and the City style, about choosing and making choices. I couldn’t help but wonder, would this be a very funny episode? Or would I have wished that I had chosen another channel? I have to say, I am glad that somebody has said something about this narration thing, because it is really getting out of hand. I will admit that my favorite new comedy of the year, My Name Is Earl uses narration, but it has always annoyed me with Desperate Housewives, and it is clearly the most annoying part of Grey’s Anatomy, perhaps because I recently started watching, and I have been getting Ellen Pompeio’s voice the most. This narration bit was even funnier, because we learn that Summer wasn’t narrating at all, but rather was listening to her own voice recording.

Marissa interrupted Summer because she was worried that they would be late. It seems like Marissa is back at school and enjoying things, but you still don’t want to be late. But the girls weren’t worried about being late for school, but for being late for the hot tub. They were supposed to meet Ryan and Seth, but only Seth was there. They were talking about missing Ryan, but suddenly, the conversation took a turn that most of us poor bastards can only dream of. Think about it. Two girls, one guy. The girls are best friends. One of the girls has already kissed a girl, and let’s be honest, Alex was hot, so probably a lot more happened than kissing. The other girl is at least curious. Why? Well, it doesn’t matter, because this is our fantasy, so shut up.

“Want to see my grotto?”

This could have been Seth’s fantasy as well, but it’s not like he would be able to pull it off. Quirky geekiness is barely enough to keep his relationship with one girl alive, so I don’t think he really wants to take his chances with two. Besides, if your girlfriend is OK with the two of you sleeping with another girl, it’s not because she has any interest in seeing you naked. Marissa has switched teams before, so she knows how to work things. Seth is smart and funny, but if Summer has made enough jokes about his skinny ass that I don’t think it would be wise to tempt her with the sensuous curves of a woman. Then again, we are talking about Marissa, so there really aren’t any sensuous curves to speak of, but if Summer likes bony hips and shoulders and feeling her lover’s ribs through her sweater, Seth better watch out.

So where could Ryan be? Well, Ryan is laying pipe with Sadie, but not in the bedroom. He is actually fixing a leaky pipe in the kitchen. Why is Ryan fixing kitchen pipes? You know, he worked construction so he has experience with tasks such as carpeting and roofing, and everything in between, like architecture. Also, he grew up poor, so that always helps whether it’s time to change a tire or put up some sheetrock. As much fun as I thought I would have making a plumber’s crack joke, I soon learned that would not be the case. The police showed up, and they were looking to ask questions about Johnny’s death, because the Newport police are so very interested in the random deaths of people who don’t give any political contributions. Sadie doesn’t want to bother Ryan, but we all know it’s only a matter of time before he comes back to stick his head into things.

Ryan decides to visit Sadie the next morning, just before school, you know, just to see if everything is OK. Ryan is a meddler, but at some point you figure he would get sick of meddling with other people’s lives and sort of fix some of the problems with his own life. I figured he would go over, find out that the police thought it would be smart to talk to somebody who was, you know, in the same state at the time of the accident, and then leave. The police didn’t ask Sadie too many questions about Johnny, saying that they had some new evidence and wanted to question Marissa, but that didn’t mean that Sadie wasn’t upset about something. It turns out that the bank was about to foreclose on Gwen Harper’s home, which means that Ryan and Sadie will have to get together somehow to help her out.

Atwood isn’t the only one doing the meddling this week. Summer has been worried about her dad, who has been working long hours and has never been home and she speculates he is burying himself in his work so he doesn’t have to face his emotions. I am not sure how the long hours Dr. Roberts worked now are any different from the long hours he worked before. You would think he is working less since we see him all the time now, not that I ever bought that he was busy. How many plastic surgeons do you know that put in 14-hour days? There is no such thing as an emergency breast aug, so any extra time he is putting in at the office is because he likes to look at boobs. However, we all know that he has been “burying” himself into Julie Cooper. Not that Julie really cares that much. She may have a kink in her neck from having to face Neil’s “emotions” in the back seat of his Maserati several times a week, but she doesn’t seem to mind, even if Kirsten is starting to notice at work. The big problem is how long Julie and Dr. Roberts are going to lie to their kids about the relationship.

Julie did so well with Neil’s “woods”, he let her get a feel for his irons

As soon as Ryan heard that Marissa might be questioned by the police, he was quick to come to her aid, offering to go to the police station with her for the questioning. Marissa says no because she likes to deal with her own problems and also figures that it would be smarter to take a lawyer with her to the police instead of a high school senior. We soon learn that Ryan was sort of glad that Marissa passed on his help because he immediately left and went to see if Sadie was having trouble. Volchok was there, which usually means trouble, but he was just leaving. Sadie was on her way to find Johnny’s dad. The insurance company wasn’t going to pay after Johnny’s death, and she decided that the way to save Gwen’s house is to get some of that back child support from Johnny’s dad, who is still living in some of the more nefarious parts of the OC. After establishing that he used to be poor, which automatically means he is good at giving directions, they head off to Brea.

After consulting with her closest friends, Summer decides that she needs to pick the new woman for her father. And since she is dating the son of the proprietor of Newport’s hottest singles dating service, she heads over to the Cohen’s to let her feelings be known. With Julie in earshot, Summer explains that her dad has horrible taste in women, and if left on his own, he’ll probably shack up with the first slut who gets in the back of his Maserati. The truth hurts Julie, but after Summer reels off a list of qualities her father likes in a woman, she decides to try her own interpretation, and puts on a smoking hot Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct dress for her dinner date with Neil at Korean barbecue. Dr. Roberts has no clue what is going on, but after taking a look at her bulgolgis, he decides it is good enough for him. It would have been a perfect dinner, except Taylor Townsend just happened to be there picking up an order, and noticed the two of them eating together, and if Taylor knows something, it’s not long before Seth and Summer find out all about it. At first, it looked like Summer would be upset, but she decided that her father’s happiness was more important. Besides, if he was occupied with making out, than she wouldn’t have to worry about him being occupied with her making out. It’s a win win for everybody.

Sadie and Ryan had no luck with finding Jack Harper in Brea. I would question the logic of them trying to find Jack Harper to get money, as noble a cause at it was. Then again, this is the same family who thought they would get some insurance money from a dead surfer who never made a dime in his life at the sport. You would think that if the insurance wasn’t good enough to pay on catastrophic knee injury that threatened his career, death wouldn’t change. If Johnny had been, I don’t know, a star quarterback on his way to USC, perhaps an insurance policy works. Anyway, the two learn that Jack Harper moved to a town nearby. Yes, that would mean that they would have to stay in motel, and Sadie has a perfect way to pass the time – strip poker!

Now, we are not sure if anything happened, but Ryan lost, meaning he had to sleep on the floor, but he was into it enough that he passed on a phone call from Marissa. I knew that as soon as Sadie was in the picture, Ryan and Marissa would be toast. Ryan always leaves Marissa for poor girls. First Theresa, then Lindsay, and now probably Sadie. They wait around Jack Harper’s bail bonds/ bounty hunter business until he gets back. I was sort of surprised that they wanted to look for Johnny’s dad, because I thought it was implied that Johnny killed him with a baseball bat for touching his mom. Not only was Johnny’s dad alive, but he showed no signs of the scars you would normally expect from a person who had the shit kicked out of him with a baseball bat.

Nor surprisingly, Jack Harper wasn’t interested in news about his son, just in case the years of missed child support and absence at Johnny’s funeral wasn’t enough to let you know. In order to get his attention, Sadie decides to take a crowbar to his truck. When Ryan tries to stop the goons from going after her, he gets the shit kicked out of him. It was such a bad beating, I almost cried. I have been waiting for somebody to beat up Ryan and teach him a lesson about interfering in other people’s business, but never thought I would see the day when it happened. It is moments like these that lessen the pain of sacrificing four hours of your life to watch and recap these episodes.

YES!

If you really like Ryan, don’t feel bad, because there were other people that had to deal with pain, like Marissa. She was smart enough to ask Sandy for help with the police, but answering all of those questions for the police was starting to wear down on her mind. The crack Newport CSI team found the remains of the note that Marissa had written for Johnny. Enough survived after Johnny threw it into the fire for them to rile up some suspicion about what happened that night. On cue, Marissa decides to revisit the scene of the crime herself, where she takes all of her anger out on another unfortunate piece of plastic. Why, pray tell, must Marissa vent on an innocent polyethylene? Can’t she pick on anybody her size, like Dakota Fanning? By the way, if you haven’t had your fill of creepy in the last couple of days, Volchok stalking Marissa with a flask and a smile was surely enough to make me cringe.

Sandy did help Marissa, but he really isn’t feeling all that charitable. He wants to get that hospital built and he wants it done yesterday. He was breathing down Matt’s neck harder than a Weinstein that had just run up a flight of stairs. Matt was actually enjoying his newfound love for Maia, and was kind of hesitant to risk it just for this project. Sandy, on the other hand, had no problem risking Matt’s relationship for the sake of business, so he invites Matt and Maia to dinner with Kirsten, and proceeds to ambush the young girl about their proposal. For somebody who once said he was disgusted with the thought of men using Kirsten to get close to her father, it was quite a change. Kirsten was embarrassed, but Sandy got the deal. He also ruined Matt’s relationship as Maia decided to go home, which left Kirsten wondering if she should have been more concerned that Sandy would know where that business ethics line is and when he should cross it. As long as it doesn’t turn into a drinking problem, I have to say I kind of like the new Sandy, finally wearing some pants in the relationship instead of that skirt he’s been dragging around for three seasons.

Now that their attempt to squeeze some money from Jack Harper is finished, Sadie can only wonder what poor Gwen will do. Well, I am not sure about this, but perhaps Gwen will do whatever she was going to do to save her house before her son died? I am not sure if we are supposed to assume that Gwen stopped working or something, but since they didn’t tell us I am going to guess she is still working. If she were too shaken up to work after Johnny’s death, maybe she would hang around her house a little more. And I don’t want to be a complete cynic, but is the home worth saving? Why not find a place closer to where you work now that you don’t need to live near the ocean for your kid to practice surfing. Doesn’t the house have enough bad memories that it may not be worth the fight? Personally, I would look for a nice two bedroom (in case Sadie wants to stick around), preferably one without plumbing problems.

None of these things were on Ryan’s mind. Although he had been beaten up pretty badly, he knew that if he lectured enough, he would be able to get through to any adult. He takes Sadie’s car and goes back to Jack Harper. I was getting ready for another beat down, but it never materialized. Instead Ryan’s words about Johnny make Jack’s heart grow two sizes. He throws Ryan out on his ass, but gives him an envelope full of cash. He gives the money to Sadie, knowing that saving her aunt’s how is worth at least an hour of road head along the dusty road back to Newport.

All kidding aside, Ryan’s time with Sadie showed him that he needed something in his life, and it wasn’t Marissa. Ryan probably was proud of himself for being a man and getting that money from Jack Harper, but he wasn’t man enough to talk to Marissa face to face in order to break up with her. Marissa is now alone. Will she seek out Volchok for comfort? I don’t think it is in her, but Ryan has already made the change to Sadie. He’s only known her for a week, but at least she’s poor.

This was an OK episode. I can’t believe that we are still talking about Johnny, but I am happy that they finally had Marissa and Ryan break up. Maybe it could have worked out between the two of them, but what are we supposed to think when they never hang out, don’t speak, and can’t even get their teenage hormones hot enough to be with each other? I kind of felt bad for Marissa, even after all the shit she has done, because I still think that she was trying to make it work out, and Ryan just got bored. Then again, I can’t blame him because Marissa never seemed to make up her mind about whom she wanted to be with. I guess they have been taking each other for granted. It will be interesting to see where they are going to take Ryan and Sadie. They have a lot in common, but enough for a relationship? I also wonder what will happen with Marissa. I guess it will be one bitching senior prom since she’ll have plenty of time to work on it.

What did you think of the episode? Can Sandy become any more ruthless? When will Julie and Neil get married? When will we find if any of these people got into college?

“Hey!” Count: Episode – 12, Season – 355