Can’t We All Just Get Along?

It’s prom week on The OC, and who would have thought that none of the kids would have a date? I mean, Ryan is kind of crabby, but there had to be some poor girl out there that he could ask. Marissa is back with Volchok and he is not really the school dance type, but you know whe has a a dress she wants to unleash upon the world. Seth and Summer aren’t together and if hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, the scorned woman should always take a hot date to the prom as revenge. Add a little bit of alcohol, a pirate ship, and some fisticuffs, and you have a night to remember.Obviously the kids are going to have to go to the prom, but we are going to need to get all of them dates. I thought it would be difficult for Ryan to find a date, but he happened to have the easiest time. He and Seth were discussing whom they should take, and at first he was reluctant. Ryan even told Seth that they could hang out that night if he wanted to. As much as I make fun of Seth for his obvious man-crush on Ryan, he was wise by saying he would rather kill himself than spend his senior prom playing video games.

Seth’s plan was still to take Summer to the prom, but he was going to need an innovative way to tell her because, well, Summer wasn’t talking to her any more. He decided that he would fake a meeting with a Brown representative at the diner, and while Summer might not speak to him, at least he should try. Seth also had an idea about who Ryan to take the prom – Theresa. When all else fails, the childhood sweetheart is never a bad option. I just hope when they get back to their hotel room, Ryan is planning on a little more than coitus interrupts or a Zip-loc bag to prevent him from becoming a father.

As crazy as it sounds to ask Theresa, I guess it isn’t a bad idea. She has her life together and now is focused on her son. When we saw her before, she seemed to be interested in keeping Ryan all to herself, but that’s not an issue any more. And while Theresa isn’t poor, she is from Chino, which means that she is still a good fit for Ryan. Ryan sees Theresa the next day, and although she mentions this guy at work that she has been sort of kind of seeing but not really, she decides to go.

Getting Seth and Summer together is not so easy. Seth’s plan to fake being a person from Brown worked, but you know that the only thing that is going to save them is not some crazy scheme he cooks up, but his willingness to tell the truth. Summer is upset that he lied to her in order to get her at breakfast, but when she hears that there are chocolate chip pancakes involved, how can she say resist? When the pancakes come, the chocolate chips spell out “PROM ?”. When you think about it, that’s a really “sweet” way to ask a girl to the prom, but Summer said that if she was stuck on a desert island with Cohen, she would chop up his body and serve his meager bones to the sharks. Perhaps you could say a simple no would have been enough, but this way, you don’t have to worry about mixed signals.

It would have been easier to send a text message

And Marissa? Well, she decided that maybe she could learn to like Volchok for more than just free drugs and grimy sex. She even starts calling him Kevin, instead of just Volchok. Volchok *really* hates proms. Why? Because he dropped out of high school before he ever got to go to one. Doesn’t anybody in this town finish high school? It’s not THAT hard. Every time the writers don’t want to take the time to explain why a character doesn’t fit in at Newport, they say it’s because they didn’t finish high school. Lots of people who graduated high school hat the prom, but whatever. Since Marissa is really hot, Volchok decides that he might as well go. Does all of this mean that Kevin has turned over a new leaf? Hardly. The night before, Ryan and Seth caught him kissing another girl.

The prom is so exciting even Kirsten and Sandy are talking about it. Well, not really talking because Sandy and Kirsten don’t talk that much, but they did have a nice little chat. And by chat I mean that Sandy told Kirsten she and Julie should have all the kids over for pictures even thought Kirsten’s not sure who will have a date or not.

We all know that Taylor seems to have a thing for Korean barbecue (B-side and I had some this evening in fact), but she really has a thing for the kid who works there, Sung Ho. While most girls enjoy it when a guy is Hung Lo, Taylor has a thing for Sung and his hairless body because it’s like hooking up with a baby seal, which is disturbing, but I guess is better than clubbing them.

Taylor has already heard that Summer broke up with Seth, so she wants to help her friend out by getting her a date. At first Summer doesn’t want to go through with it, but after Taylor told her it was her duty to make Seth feel pathetic and small, Summer decided she might as well go through with it. I was thinking that meant that Taylor found some water polo player to go with Summer, but instead, Taylor imported Sung’s cousin from Korea, who is a K-Pop singer and apparently loved by all of the ladies. Still, if you are trying to make Seth feel pathetic and small, they probably should have started by asking somebody who could kick his ass.

Word of advice ladies, don’t wear a carnation unless your cheapskate prom date gives it to you

Meanwhile, Ryan was talking with Marissa about the prom. Although he said long ago that it wasn’t his problem to save Marissa any longer, it’s much harder in practice, especially when there is no Sadie around to keep him from building up all of that “nervous” energy. When Ryan hears that Marissa is going to Volchok, he decides to head to Volchok’s place after school. A long time ago Ryan said that it was up to Volchok to take care of Marissa, and if Marissa found out that Volchok cheated on her, there’s no telling how far the slut spiral would take her. Still, he doesn’t want to tell Marissa, so when she stumbles to the door, Ryan decides that was time to leave.

Right after Seth got denied by Summer, he decided that he would call Anna. Anna feels guilty about Seth and Summer, so when she hears that Seth is having trouble coming up with a scheme to win his old girl back, she decides to fly to Newport and patch things up. I understand how Anna feels that she needs to help and wants to tell Summer that there is nothing between her and her boyfriend, but people don’t up and leave for California in the middle of their own school year, do they?

Now that Anna is in place, she and Seth combine their brains to hatch up a plan to get Seth and Summer back together. Phase one of the plan involves Anna heading over to Summer’s house and explaining everything.

By this time, Summer has sort of bought into this idea of taking this Korean guy, although she has a hard time figuring out if he is cute by his album cover. Apparently, this whole thing about the interents have not hit Orange County, which is a shame because the writers probably could used it as a great opportunity to pimp MySpace.com, which of course is a fellow traveler in the house of Murdock.

I’m kind of glad that they didn’t spend too much time on that thought, because it does give us some time to reflect on Marissa’s dress. Mischa Barton has worn some pretty awful things in her day, but this thing is absolutely horrendous. Take a look:

Gold taffeta(or whatever that shit is)? I thought that the only reason they allowed that in the country was as a punishment for bridesmaids. I thought now that Marissa wasn’t living in a trailer park, she could afford to go shopping for dresses and didn’t have to raid the dumpster from the Garden Grove revival of Marie Antoinette. I guess I was wrong.

Summer was just describing her disappointment in Seth and decided that the best way to get back at him would be to mail that letter of all of his confessions to Sandy and Kirsten. Marissa thought that this was a little harsh, but when Anna knocked on the door, it probably only strengthened Summer’s resolve. It also didn’t help that Anna was also very vague about what Seth was doing in Providence and so Summer told Anna that she already had a date and would be going with somebody else.

Well, that was easy enough. Time for Anna to go home right? Maybe she’ll even get back to Pittsburgh in time for her own prom? Ha ha. Silly you, thinking that the OC was going to become all sensible and shit. Anna brought her own dress just in case. Phase two of Anna’s scheme involved Seth taking her to the prom, which would make Summer realize how much she was missing out with Seth not in her life.

You know I like to laugh about what people wear on The OC, and the prom is no different. I thought that perhaps for this huge event, Ryan and Seth might have been bothered enough to have rented tuxes. Instead, they put on those same black suits that they wear to every single event in Newport. I couldn’t tell if they were going to the prom or were heading off to work a shift at the valet stand at the country club. I half expected Seth to put on some Converse and say he was doing a Killers impersonation.

Was this scene from Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs?

Anna, on the other hand, looked pretty good, although I don’t know if that’s because of her cute black dress or the fact she decided the rat hair look wouldn’t work for the prom. All of the kids come over to the Cohens house for pictures. Even Volchok shows up. He wasn’t able to tie his tie, because nobody who has dropped out of high school can tie a tie, but really, the looked fit him. Theresa looked pretty good, although Ryan could have done her more justice and spent more than a dollar on her corsage.

Summer was desperately trying to show how much she was enjoying the night without Seth, but the pictures could tell no lie. Seth and Anna looked like they were having fun, but whenever Summer’s picture was taken, she had either a look of confusion as to what her Korean date was doing, or was looking at Seth and Anna enjoying themselves. And by the way, I know that we are supposed to laugh because Summer’s date doesn’t know any English, but couldn’t the writers have come up with a better joke than having all of the Asians bowing a lot? I mean, even having them run a dry cleaning business would have been more original.

When it came time for the final pictures, the only person missing was Volchok. Ryan decided to look around for him, and he caught Volchok stealing some liquor from the Cohen’s cabinets. I still don’t understand why they tempt fate with alcohol in the house, but whatever. If Ryan had been a few minutes earlier, he would have caught Volchok pawing through the girls’ purses. Taylor had been talking about this big after party at the Bait Shop and had been soliciting money. Volchok noticed the huge wad in her purse and decided that would be a very easy score. Ryan doesn’t suspect anything, but he does take enough time to tell Volchok that if he screws up Marissa’s evening, you know, at least more than being seen in public wearing that dress, Ryan would kick his ass.

This year’s prom had a pirate theme, and I have to say that last year’s junior prom was a lot better. Pictures with Captain Hook and a big pirate ship? Sounds like it would be exciting if I was from Kansas and visiting Downtown Disney, but the OC could have done better.

Summer sees that Seth and Anna are still enjoying themselves, so she decides to start drinking and grabs the flask from Volchok. Earlier that evening, she had placed Seth’s confessional in his dad’s office, so it will be interesting to see what is going to happen with that. With his liquor gone, Volchok decides that he is going to smoke a little kush (that would be marijuana). I love how the writers have Volchok use slang terms for drug use as if it is going to suddenly fool us into thinking that they have any idea about what they are talking about. Marissa decides that she doesn’t want any, but when another hottie in a pink dress tells Volchok she knows a private place if he has the goods, he decides to follow her.

Lisa Tucker made an appearance on the show of course, and Summer asked her if she was glad to be back. Lisa Tucker said yes. If my description is boring and not worth reading, you now know what I feel about this cameo.

The bigger news is that Summer has been re-elected prom queen. She is so happy, and by happy, I mean trashed, that she brings her date up onto the stage in order to probe how much she is enjoying everything. Unfortunately, the ceremony took place on top of the pirate ship, and when Summer decides she wants one last chance to make Seth jealous and kiss her date in front of the whole school, Summer falls overboard. Even though it seemed like she fell twenty feet and the only thing that broke her fall was captain hook, Summer came out none the worse for wear and everybody decided that it would be better if they all just head to the Bait Shop for the after party.

By this time, Marissa started to worry about where Volchok had slipped off to. All night Ryan was aware of how she wasn’t enjoying herself, so he decides to help her look for Volchok. He goes through a hallway, steps around a corner, and there is Volchok, making out with the girl from a little earlier. Ryan probably wanted to punch him in the face, but at the same time thought it was more important that Marissa didn’t see this as it would ruin her night.

I feel bad for Marissa, but at the same time I can understand where Volchok is coming from. Seriously girls, I don’t condone this sort of behavior, but if you wear something like that to a dance, there is a good chance that your date is going to find a slutty girl with big tits and a pink dress in order to forget about the embarrassment of being seen with you wearing drapes from the Four Seasons.

Although Ryan tries to protect Marissa, she eventually sees what is going on. By the way, besides being a slut, having big boobs, this girl is also dumb. She said she would find a private place, so she picks a room and they start making out with the door wide open. At least try a stairwell or a bathroom or something, right? Anyway, Marissa slaps Volchok although it probably would have felt better if she hit him over the head with a brick. Volchok says that he is never going to turn into a bitch boy like Ryan and become the bad boy she dresses up to show off to her rich friends. Again, I feel bad for Marissa, but what did she expect from a guy whose best friends are a couple of dudes that drug women so they can have sex with them? Didn’t she catch him cheating with Casey? Did she honestly expect him to change?

While the kids were at the prom the Cohens and the Roberts/Cooper-Nichol-Cooper-Roberts were having dinner. Kirsten confessed to Julie that she and Sandy were having problems, and she also mentioned that she took a drink after her fight with Sandy at the dinner. Julie is very worried, but Kirsten says that she only had one drink and she has been going to her AA meetings, so it shouldn’t be a problem. She also feels strongly that she shouldn’t use her alcoholism as some sort of blackmail to save their marriage. If Sandy can’t change on his own then they have to try something else.

Unfortunately for Kirsten and her marriage, Sandy is about to come under a lot more stress. While at dinner, Dr. Roberts received a phone call. Some of the physician’s board was looking into certain irregularities involving Sandy and one Dr. Griffin. Neil was kind enough to tell Sandy that shit was about to go down, but after we saw Kirsten say that one little push could send them over the edge, it’s not looking good for our favorite couple.

The after party at the Bait Shop was pretty slamming. Now, I understand that this is a club and everything, and it’s not hard for kids who aren’t of legal age to get drinks, but let’s think for a moment. If you rented your club out to a high school prom party, knowing that approximately 99% of the people weren’t going to be of legal age, why would you even stock any alcohol at the bar? And wouldn’t you have like twice the security knowing that if somebody got drunk at your bar and got in a car accident or something, you would probably be sued? Well, not if you run the Bait Shop where it was booze and bong hits for everybody and their mother.

Summer was definitely not in the mood for any sort of drug. She just was lying in one of the back rooms, obviously very sick. Anna decided to tell Seth that it was time for Phase Three: if all else fails, tell Summer the truth. Seth wants to argue a little bit, but Anna has to leave to catch a plane, so he is going to have to fend for himself. Not surprisingly, Seth tells Summer the truth, and although she thinks his scheme is the dumbest thing she has ever heard, she also think it’s quirky, and cute, and very romantic. In other words it was everything she loved about Seth. And then she started to throw up, although I can’t tell if it was because of all the alcohol she just had or if she had just seen a picture of Marissa’s dress. I will tell you one thing, if Seth really wants to relationship to work in college, he is probably going to have to learn how to hold her hair back when she gets sick, or you know, never show her a picture of Marissa in a formal gown again.

Click on the picture to play (QuickTime 7 required)

Now that we have re-ignited one old flame, could we light some sparks under a second? Although Theresa almost didn’t come to the prom because of that guy she isn’t seeing at work, and received a call from this same guy during the dance, she says that there is no place she would rather be. That doesn’t mean that she would rather be in Ryan’s pool house getting busy, but she is having a nice time. The two of them are about to kiss when…

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!

That would be my simulation of Taylor Townsend screaming after she discovered that she lost the $5000 in her purse that she was going to use pay the Bait Shop. I am not sure what she thought was going to happen when she left her purse lying around the dance floor with a bunch of random people around, many of them not has honest as her. Having done some event planning, I am surprised they even let this group in the door without paying ahead of time first.

Everybody is wondering what they should do and people even want to call the police. None of that is necessary, however, because Ryan knows exactly where the money is: with Kevin Volchok. To tell you the truth, if I had seen Taylor with all of that cash, I would have though about taking it myself. $5000 completely untraceable? Besides, these people could afford it, right?

But none of that matters right now. Ryan decides to head over to Volchok’s. He doesn’t want to fight, but he does want the money back. Volchok is not about to give it to him and instead the two of them fight. It looked like Ryan was going to get his face pounded in, and I remember about a year ago when he was in this same position, except it was Trey standing over his head, and he had a telephone and not an ash tray. Last year, Marissa saved him by shooting Trey, but Ryan didn’t need that help this time. He was able to regain his composure and started to return the favor to Volchok, and he ends up giving back about twice as much as he received. So sad. It just another case of white trash on white trash crime. The episode ends with Volchok’s bloody face and Ryan not knowing what is going to happen when people find out what he did.

I thought this episode was pretty good. Last year the George Lucas cameo was absolutely awful and the episode was only saved when Summer won prom queen and her and Seth got back together. Although we could all see that Volchok was bad news, I thought there was a lot to like with this episode. They didn’t try to drag out the Anna thing too long, and although Seth and Summer are back together, it will be interesting to see what happens when his parents find his confessional. The previews for next week show that Ryan needs an alibi and Seth is in the back of a police cruiser. Two episodes left and I am actually interested in what is going on. My best guess is that Ryan’s chances at Berkeley are ruined because of this assault, so he has to go to a local college. Seth’s arrest or whatever might mean the same thing, and I think Summer will say she doesn’t want to go to Brown unless it involves Seth.

What did you think of the episode? Who was your favorite prom couple? Who had the best dress? Would Ryan and Theresa ever get back together?

“Hey!” Count: Episode – 18, Season – 471