Not Really Cool As Ice

Well the Surreal Life Fame Games was back this week after a week off due to the Oscars. If there’s one thing I think we can all agree on, it’s that the people who watch the Surreal Life are the same people who watch the Oscars. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated getting a break from the Ron Jeremy School of Comedy, but I don’t really think VH1 would have taken that much of a hit in the ratings if it had actually shown the episode of the Fame Games. Besides, as boring as the Oscars were, they probably would have gotten a lot of viewers at some point throughout the night. But who cares about the Oscars or what I think; let’s get to the action.

This week the show starts off without Manny, and Pepa is explaining to us that the house is getting quieter with fewer people around. The house must also be getting more boring because after that we see footage of Rob waking up Verne. Seriously, nothing happened. Just your average wake up. Oh, did I mention they were spooning?

Ok, they weren’t spooning, but thankfully after that we get to see Ron Jeremy with his shirt off. Now, I know that probably millions of people have seen this view before, but that doesn’t really make me want to see it. Ever. But he and Traci are working out, and luckily we’re able to get our sophomoric comedy fix when he picks up her shirt and pretends to sneeze and blow his nose on it. I heard he used that joke this past weekend at the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival and that it killed. Ron Jeremy is a pioneer of comedy.

Remember when I said that the house has gotten boring? Well, I think that the story editors were really struggling for something interesting, because the next scene involved Chyna Doll. Apparently, those little yappy dogs that she brought into the house have been a little bit more of a handful than she expected they would be. Who would have thought that would be a bad idea? Certainly not me. But anyways, Chyna Doll called her manager to come pick up her dogs for her, and he did it. I don’t think that this guy is getting much money any more due to Chyna Doll not really working any more, but whatever commission he’s getting, he should be getting more. He’s not her assistant, he’s her manager; it’s not his job to pick up her dogs. But, uh, then again, she’s not really working any more, so maybe he’s a terrible manager.

Well, extremely early in the episode we hear Robin Leach calling everyone into whatever room of the house he was in. Normally this early in the episode, we get some video message of Robin telling us what supposedly awesome trip the A-listers get to take, and then we hear the B-listers piss and moan about not being able to go with the A-listers.

Today, however, was different. Today, Robin was actually there in person in front of tables with telephones on them. Then he tells everyone that the B-list has dissipated. Everyone is once again on the A-list for the first time since week 1, and now it’s every man, woman and Chyna Doll for themselves.

The challenge for today was for each member of the house to call up all of their famous friends with the goal of having that call returned, and they get 8 hours to do so. Whoever had the most calls from the most famous people would get the most points. So it’s about both quality of celebrity and quantity. However, whoever had the fewest calls from the fewest famous people would be eliminated. That’s right. No Back to Reality contest this week. But what of poor Inga!? Why aren’t they thinking about poor Inga?!

Well, you may be wondering how they were going to verify whether the people were actually famous or not. Actually, you probably weren’t wondering. But luckily, the Surreal Life Fame Games producers were thinking ahead on that one. They brought in their casting producer Kristin Prouty (she’s been a casting producer for various shows) to authenticate each celebrity.

Well, Andrea Lowell isn’t really famous, so she doesn’t know anyone to call. All around her people are getting calls from famous people, and she looks like with each phone call she’s getting more and more famous. But I thought she was in Playboy. And on Playboy TV. Can’t she call any of those girls? Or Hugh Hefner? Doesn’t she have some sort of direct line to Hugh Hefner since she was in Playboy?

Rob is calling out all of his famous friends’ names like Ricky Carmichael and Chuck Liddell. Pepa is getting kind of annoyed, because she has no idea who these people are, and this competition is not just about how many famous people you know. I’m not sure why she’s complaining though, that only seems to bode well for her if he thinks his friends are so famous, but they really aren’t. That’s not to say they aren’t famous though. I mean, they’re more famous than, say, me, but not quite in the same league as, say, Brad Pitt. But that’s just my opinion. Although I have been mistaken for Brad Pitt many times…or not.

Thank God, shortly after that we get more of Ron Jeremy’s Name Drop-o-Meter. Ron says that he’s the guy who’s got the connections out of everyone on the panel. Then we see him holding a list of paper, just running down all of the famous people he knows. And the most famous person on that list? None other than Frank Stallone. (Okay, he’s not the most famous on the list, but I think it’s hilarious that Ron actually chose to put him on that list.)

After about 5 hours of competition, Chyna Doll kind of loses her mind. Somehow Kristin ends up answering Chyna Doll’s phone, since Chyna Doll went to have a smoke (5 feet away). Following that cigarette, she just kind of stands next to the table and does a little dance. I have no idea how she is not constantly employed in Hollywood. You can’t emulate that kind of talent.

Then VH1 does some sneaky editing. Verne had called a few of his friends (he probably knows the most famous people) and he hadn’t gotten anybody to call him back. However, this was still incredibly early in the competition when most people only had two or three names on their list. Verne was sick of the entire contest though, and he left. Now I can understand not wanting to bother your friends, especially just to prove that you know them, but did he really need to quit in the middle of it? Especially since it seemed like he was just quitting because he was losing? Sidenote: It’s good to see that Verne is able to stick with things. He’s threatened to leave the show at least 3 times, and now he’s quitting the competition.

Shortly after that, guess whose phone rings. It’s Verne’s, and who’s on the line? Ludacris. So Rob goes to tell Verne that he’s now got people calling him, and suddenly Verne is back in the game. Seriously, he can’t even stick to quitting. I’m tough because I love.

Well Ms. Not Too Famous Andrea Lowell was actually relieved when she saw Verne was scootering away from the competition. If he was out, then it didn’t matter how few famous people she knew because she wouldn’t be eliminated. But now that Verne is back in, she’s SOL. It gets so bad at one point that she calls her mom to see if she knows anyone famous, or knows anyone who knows anyone. Her mom. She does however manage to get her cast of Surreal Life to call, including Mr. Sherman Helmsley.

Andrea has the sad realization she is a cast member on The Surreal Life Fame Game.

After the competition was over, everyone was complaining about having just done something for 8 hours. 8 hours! Can you believe it? Where is their Medal of Honor?

Then we see that Chyna Doll and Traci Bingham FINALLY get to move back into the A-list side of the house. Traci is relieved to be back, and she says she got her strength back, and her “alphabet.” I’m not familiar with the alphabet being analogous to strength. That’s one definition for alphabet I’ve never heard.

There was some more boring stuff, then we finally got to the judging of everyone’s celebrity call lists. Robin is back, and he directs everyone to the board, which has the name of everyone who called in today, and it’s color-coded for each person. And everyone’s favorite Kennedy not in the actual Kennedy family (as far as I’m aware), Kennedy!, is going to rank the celebrities from 1 to 50 (50 being the highest). Whoever has the most points wins.

Rob is looking at the list of celebrities, and he looks at the board on which they’ll be ranked, and he finally puts 2 and 2 together. Despite the fact that the rules were fairly clearly stated, he’s pissed off that his friends are about to be judged. I will give him credit for thinking that all celebrities got points, and not just the top 50, but whatever. Rob says that we’re about to see a different side of him. He’s so polite. Letting everyone see each and every side of him. It would be hard for me to open up that much on television. The best part of the entire episode was seeing Robin Leach mouth the words “Just calm down” to Rob, looking more than just a little nervous.

Rob doesn’t want his celebrity friends to be disrespected. And since a large majority of his celebrity friends are in the extreme sports field, he’s feeling that his friends will not get the respect he feels they deserve. Well, allow Kennedy to chime in. She says she’s going to rate them on who can get a table at Mr. Chow, and based on her experience in pop culture. And then she lists some credentials about something or other, watching famous people for 14 years or something. Then Rob says something about Ricky Carmichael being very famous, and Kennedy responds by saying she’s watched Supercross events, so she knows all there is to know about everything.

Then she starts ranking people, all the while Andrea Lowell is wiping tears. Remember, 50 is the highest. She puts Ricky Carmichael at like 45 on the list. Now, I know that some of these names aren’t very famous at all, but there are some pretty famous people on this list. And when a criterion being used is who can get a table at Mr. Chow, I’m not sure many extreme sports stars would be able to beat out, say, Russell Simmons. I am not shitting you. She put Ricky Carmichael ahead of Russell Simmons. I heard the jury was still out on Def Jam. And Phat Farm. And all of his other ventures. But it is definitely not out on supercross. (Note: not to discount anything Ricky Carmichael’s done; I don’t know how many supercross enthusiasts are out there. But seriously, ahead of Russell Simmons?)

So Kennedy fills out the list as she feels appropriate, which is highly biased towards Rob’s friends. Actually, based on the final list, I’m not sure she knows anything about pop culture any more. But everyone sort of realized that if Rob flipped out and got his way, so maybe it will work out for everyone else.

Kennedy had left the top spot open on the list, and she gave everyone a chance to lobby for their famous friends. Andrea tried for Sherman Heslmley, but she was shot down. Then Traci asks for supermodel Beverly Johnson, and Kennedy agrees, adding Bev (she lets me call her that, or I assume she would, if we ever met). Rob also campaigns for Chuck Liddell, and Kennedy again agrees, and she actually bumps Rob (who was one of Andrea’s celebrities) down. She’s screwed.

Not to be outdone, Andrea once again tries to request that Sherman Helmsley get put on the list. But this time she backs it up with some tears. Kennedy was too weak for Andrea’s powerful tears and put Sherman Helsmley at 50. Kennedy may have a hard time finding work after this appearance.

With the list finalized, we found out the final scores. Rob won, which was so shocking since he was so mature about the respect his friends would receive which in no way swayed Kennedy’s decisions at all. But what about Andrea? Would she lose since she doesn’t really know anybody famous?

Why of course not! Chyna Doll had the fewest amount of points and she was eliminated from the competition and the house. She seemed to take it pretty well, but she she said she was, understandably, shocked. Andrea, Chyna Doll and Traci were outside sharing a drink and a smoke, and Andrea was, I think, trying to help Chyna Doll feel better about leaving. Andrea was in awe of Chyna Doll’s strength in handling the loss. Andrea also said “I should have lost that game.” At which point Chyna Doll picked her up and broke her in half.

Traci calls Andrea on her bullshit after Andrea said she thought she was going to lose, but there was really nothing they could do. Andrea is left with the biggest “What did I do?” look on her face as Traci says she doesn’t like what happened. Apparently Andrea doesn’t remember crying for the better part of the past 2 hours. But anyways, Chyna Doll is eliminated and there are now only 6 people left in the house.

Faced with 2 more weeks in the FAME GAME house, Verne & Andrea

take the honorable way out, and Thelma & Louise into the pool

with electric chords hanging in it.

What did you think of this episode? Did you see Andrea Lowell crying enough, or did you want to see more? Will Verne ever back up something he actually says? Does Rob need the help of Ponch to get his emotions back under control?