I only caught parts of the Surreal Life Fame Games episode last week, as I assumed from the commercials that it was actually quite terrible. I was actually surprised upon watching it this week that it was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting.
Anyways, I’m not entirely clear on the rules of this show, but I think there are 10 “celebrities” and they all start out on the “A-list.” Obviously I’m using quotes because these people are technically neither real celebrities, nor on the A-list. The goal is to stay on the A-list as long as possible before going over to the “B-list” (again, these people aren’t even B-listers). Once everyone is on the B-list, there are competitions and eliminations until one person is left standing and wins $100,000, probably for spending or buying their way into the public eye slightly more than now. Last week Verne Troyer and Joanie “Chyna Doll” Laurer lost in the Back to Reality game to stay on the A-list and were sent over to the B-list, and as last week’s episode ended we saw the less than desirable conditions (for delusional “celebrities” at least) of the B-list side of the house, and neither B-lister was very happy about having to stay there.
This week’s episode starts off with shots of Verne going through his daily routine, including using a chair to get up to the sink so he can brush his teeth and pouring vodka out of a handle into a can of something whose name had been blurred out (my guess is it rhymes with Mountain Crew). He explains how he’s nervous about living in the B-list portion of the house with Chyna Doll because they clashed on their season of Surreal Life. If you don’t remember what happened, basically Chyna Doll took over the room that was specifically set up for him, and he very nearly walked away from the show in the first episode.
There is a quick shot of the special relationship between Chyna Doll (I guess she goes by Chyna Doll now as opposed to just Chyna, but she could break me in half, so I’ll call her whatever she wants) and Brigitte Nielsen. Brigitte slept in bed with Chyna Doll in their first night on the B-list side of the house, even though Brigitte is still on the A-list, and I swear I’ve never seen so many giant women with deep voices and fake boobs in a twin bed in my entire life. And personally I hope I never see it again.
Now I had low expectations for this show, but we see Verne Troyer play a variation of pool with Emmanuel Lewis, and Verne actually talks about what an honor it is to be in the house with Manny, as he was sort of a trailblazer for little people actors. I was caught off-guard by how slightly endearing this scene was. Cut to shot of Brigitte Nielsen doing some strange pose; endearment passed.
In the second example of the difference between being on the A-list and being on the B-list (the first being the living conditions), the A-listers get to go out in Vegas, while Verne and Chyna Doll have to stay home. However, they’ll get their own entertainment.
The A-listers go see Les Folles burlesque show while the B-lister’s entertainment is in the form of Marshmallow the Clown. Call me crazy, but if your name is Marshmallow, and you’re wearing clown make-up, a red nose and a crazy clown outfit, adding “the Clown” to the end of your name seems slightly redundant. Marshmallow created some balloon art, and the B-listers were less than impressed. As she was about to do her final balloon creation, Verne says, “Don’t tell me, you’re gonna take your clothes off, strip?” At that point Marshmallow says she better go and walks out. So he actually succeeded in offending a clown. There’s probably some sort of award available for that.
The B-listers were invited to dinner in Vegas, following their show. When everyone was getting ready to leave after dinner, Verne was giving Traci Bingham a ride on his scooter Chyna Doll was extremely impatient and felt like she was being left alone by him. Verne and Traci were just driving around in circles, and I failed to see the entertainment value in that, but I guess celebrities have more discriminating tastes than a normal person like me. On the way home Chyna Doll actually called Verne a midget twice in anger, and he was so offended that it appeared that he may once again threaten to walk away from this show.
Following the commercial break, we see that Rob Van Winkle (Vanilla Ice) talk to Verne to calm him down. I actually thought it was cool to see how little Rob takes himself seriously now, as opposed to when he was on Surreal Life. Apparently even celebrities are capable of personal growth. Who knew?
Well, the A-listers broke into teams of two for the competition this week, which was to make a 30-second scandalous video, and teams had only 1 hour to shoot it. The B-listers could also be used in the videos. Ron Jeremy and Pepa elected to use Chyna Doll in their video, while Rob and Andrea Lowell selected Verne. The other two teams were Emmanuel Lewis (is it ok if I just call him Webster?) and Brigitte and CC Deville and Traci. We saw various shots of the teams trying to come up with something scandalous, and I was dreading how awful these videos were going to be. I was specifically worried about Emmanuel and Brigitte’s video, as Emmanuel’s idea of a scandal was filming another group’s scandal video preparation.
There were three outside judges brought in to judge the videos: a video manager of the Adult Superstores of Nevada, a woman who was the star of Party Girls (Ali Masters), and Marge Russo, who is an avid bingo player and grandmother of six.
The first video was Traci and CC’s, and Ron commented that the video was not scandalous. The judges appeared to agree, and Marge in particular was disgusted because CC was naked except for a strategically placed guitar, and she thinks anyone seeing a man naked is disgusting.
Ron and Pepa’s video was poorly edited, and Ron complained that the editors screwed him over. He’s the one who screws people in videos, not the editors. Either he was screwed over or he can’t count to 30 seconds, because only half of their scandal video was shown. Marge thought the video was inappropriate because the women (Pepa and Chyna Doll) appeared to be gay and it looked like they were promoting gaiety of women. I hate things that promote the state of being gay or cheerful in women. If you ask me, it’s non-gaiety or nothing.
Rob and Andrea had the best video, and it was obvious that they would be winning. Marge Russo didn’t like it, but she didn’t seem to detest it too much.
Emmanuel and Brigitte’s video goes over horribly. I swear I heard crickets in the background. Marge was specifically disgusted because “children like that should not be in a film.” She actually thought Emmanuel was a 10-year-old boy. Following the accusation, we hear Emmanuel say, “I’m a grown man, dawg,” in his best 10-year-old (read: normal) voice.
Rob and Andrea’s video wins, so they have to select three people to play in the Back to Reality game, where two of the people will be sent to the B-list. Rather than upset people, they elect to pick names out of a hat, and Traci, Brigitte and Emmanuel are selected.
The game this week was “What’s Charo Saying?” If you couldn’t guess, Charo was filmed telling a couple different stories, and contestants needed to decipher what she was saying. I was actually kind of drunk when I saw this, and I was struggling to understand what she was saying. Also, I figure that my being drunk was similar to the mental capacity of these celebrities (except for possibly Emmanuel). All three had been tied at one point apiece, and for the final question, Brigitte buzzes in first. However, she had no idea what Charo said, so she was eliminated, and immediately Emmanuel buzzed in and got it right. Webster is safe for one more week.
At the end of the episode we see Traci and Brigitte heading into the B-list portion of the house, and Traci is probably going to despise it, while Brigitte looks quite comfortable.
So what do you think? Will anyone ever be able to understand exactly what Charo is saying? Will Brigitte and Chyna Doll drive everyone in the B-list to drink? Is Marge Russo the next big thing in reality TV?