Recap: The Surreal Life: Act Like You’re Really On the A-list

By Treadingonme

Sorry for the slight delay on the recap for Surreal Life Fame Games, but Sunday was the Bears game, and the Bears going to the Super Bowl trump recapping Surreal Life, no matter how great (or not great) it may be.

I picked up the actual rules for the game this week and I was pretty close with my guess last week. The only mistake I made was that once teams are evenly divided up, then the A-list competes against the B-list. However, there is still only one winner who wins the money and whatever else comes with it. My problem with this is that these people have money, so I would hope at least some portion of the winnings would go to a charity or something, but I doubt that happens. Anyways, the episode opens with Traci complaining to the A-listers after a terrible night of sleep. Apparently Chyna Doll and Brigitte like to stay up really late, get really drunk (probably) and talk a lot of nonsense that no one really thinks is funny, and not even CC, who’s been on more drugs than I can probably even imagine, understands what they’re saying.

We then cut to seeing Chyna Doll hovering over Brigitte with a makeshift doctor’s mask. Apparently Brigitte has a killer hangover and Chyna Doll was trying to help. I was relieved this wasn’t some other sort of “doctor” activity. You can’t be too sure with these two. But anyways, the remedy (some sort of poke in the face) didn’t work so Brigitte just requested a coffee and a beer.

Everyone gets called into the living room where they get a message from Robin Leach that they get a reward today, so he instructs them to change into clothes that have been provided. Well, the A-listers get tennis rackets and quality equipment; the B-listers get crappy clothes. Traci complains (that’s twice so far) that the division between the A-listers and B-listers is starting to get to her.

Once outside, they all discover that the A-listers get to play tennis, they get private lessons with a tennis pro and they get to snack on champagne and other classy finger foods. The B-listers, however, get to play table tennis, they get instructions from a former (70 year-old) pro and they get to munch on cheap beer and hot wings. Advantage: push. I’m not sure if they could mix things together and just play beer pong. Then Robin informs everyone that the A-listers get to keep their clothes and their tennis rackets, but the B-listers have to give back their rackets. This causes quite a chuckle out of the A-listers. Oh Robin Leach, you’re so clever and derisive!

After the commercial we see all of the terrible clips of everyone attempting to play tennis or ping pong, and we are introduced to Ron Jeremy’s first name drop of the evening and VH1 posts a counter so we can all play along. Then we see Traci complain (a shock, I know) for the third time thus far. VH1 could have shown a counter for this too, but I don’t know if they need to do that since she complains every time she’s on camera.

VH1 also treats us to a clip of Ron flirting with Brigitte, and to say that it was disgusting would be an egregious understatement. Luckily I was able to clean all of the puke out of my keyboard that resulted from seeing this flirty banter. Seriously though, it was pretty hot. And by hot I mean horrific.

The A-listers discover that everyone is invited to the Palms by the Maloof brothers, including the B-listers, but the B-listers didn’t get a gift bag or $100 in chips like the A-listers. Also, once at the casino, the A-listers get the VIP treatment and skip the line. The B-listers, though, had to open their own door! Can you imagine? The horrors! In the history of mankind, the worst things to happen have been the Holocaust, nuclear warfare and the B-listers having to open their own door, which just barely beats out cancer.

Well this time it’s Brigitte who overreacts to not getting VIP treatment and she is entirely ready to leave the casino. She’s outside waiting for a cab when Ron comes out and convinces her to come back inside. When everyone leaves, guess who’s complaining about being on the B-list: Traci! Surprise. Seriously, it has to be absolutely horrible to get treated normally. How do all of us low-lifes do it? (Note: disregard if you get VIP treatment.)

The next morning Rob was playing kind of a lame prank on Chyna Doll and Brigitte, since those two were up really late and were still sleeping while everyone else was awake, and he’s putting decorations and other house settings around them. Ron decides to take it one step (probably a couple steps actually) further and place a toe-tag on Bigitte. Then everyone gathers for a message from the comedic genius Robin Leach, no big deal.

We find out that the A-listers will have to show off their acting skills in this challenge, and all of a sudden Brigitte says she was really upset with the toe-tag on her foot. I’ll admit it wasn’t really funny, but not because of how serious it could be taken. It just wasn’t funny.

She says she didn’t notice it at first and that was just mean. Ron replies that that was the joke, and she says “That’s not nice.” She goes on to say “You know what else isn’t nice? Keeping other people awake while you and your other friend who could pass for a man engage in drunken shenanigans. But really, you’re a jerk, not me.” Maybe she didn’t say it; I kind of tuned out her rant.

Anyways, we went to commercial with Brigitte saying she was leaving, but after the commercial Rob and Manny help convince her to stay. Hooray friendship! Seriously, how does Vanilla Ice play the reasonable, rational cast member?

The A-listers discover that they’ll be doing an acting scene, but the catch is they’ll be doing it against a green screen. These scenes were pretty ridiculous. Rob was fighting a giant desert snake, Pepa got caught in an asteroid shower and saw an alien, Andrea battled a giant octopus, CC gets caught in a hurricane or tornado or something, Ron tells a firewoman he loves her, and Manny battles a yeti. Victoria Burrows, a casting director, will be watching the performances and evaluating the A-listers, and she will be picking the winner of the challenge. She has some solid green-screen movies on her resume, so I’m sure she’ll feel terribly out of place at this challenge, and possibly offended by VH1 for asking her to judge it.

Not much happens during the first two performances. While Andrea was preparing for her performance, Traci was giving her some pointers, as the B-listers had nothing to do. Andrea mentioned that she had forgotten that Traci was an actress. Traci responds that most people forget she’s an actress. I’ll admit that even I forgot her about her many Emmy nominations for her role on BAYWATCH. Let’s get over ourselves Traci.

Well, Andrea says that she does Naked Weather on the Playboy channel, but this is different because she’s never had to memorize lines. She didn’t need to take her clothes off for this challenge, but she made the decision to go for the risk. And I learned from my Acting for Non-majors class in school that taking risks is important in acting. So maybe she didn’t get naked, but you can imagine if she did.

Once again we see Traci complaining, but this time it’s because she’s an actress and she’s not doing anything, and she likes to be working. According to IMDb she’s been on one thing since 2004, and that was Celebrity Paranormal Project. But, in her defense, it’s probably because she’s not getting the serious roles that she feels she deserves, and that she’s not getting any jobs in no way reflects on her terrible acting. Nope. No way.

Up next is Ron Jeremy, who obviously has the most acting experience, except he has even more experience with his clothes off than Andrea. He says that aside from the porn he’s been in 68 mainstream movies, and for my money, none of them beats Boondock Saints. Huge Wankenstein is a close second though (note: I had no idea IMDb showed porn titles as well as mainstream movies. I guess you learn something new everyday). Let’s just say that Ron’s performance was terrible. You could also say that Chyna Doll is kind of a tall woman. Both are understatements.

Rob wins the challenge because he took direction well and he “went for it.” He wins a gift certificate to the Performance Race Training Center, and he’s ecstatic for this prize. The worst three performers are going into the Back to Reality challenge. Those three were Manny, Ron, and CC was elected worst of all.

Afterwards, CC is complaining about being terrible at the last two challenges, while Ron is complaining that he and Manny are actors and they were terrible. It’s not like CC was supposed to be great at an acting challenge. Ron brings up a valid point. However, the I Brought Up the Most Valid Point Crown goes to Manny, because he pointed out (at least in his interview) that this is a competition and some people are taking it way too seriously.

Before we get to the Back to Reality game, Robin tells everyone that Victoria is putting Rob up for a role in Resident Evil 3. Things are coming up Milhouse.

This week the game we play for elimination is Whose Bastard is This? Basically this is similar to If They Mated from Conan O’Brien, except they make this much simpler; although it’s still not something I would consider easy. Also, one of the people is an A-list celebrity; the other is a house member. And these ‘bastards’ are still incredibly hideous.

Well, Ron Jeremy is the first to be safe from the A-list, and it comes down to Manny vs. CC. We see Manny looking calm and relaxed while CC looks like he’s tweaking. Manny buzzes in first but he’s wrong, and CC manages to pull out the victory.

So the teams are set. It’s Verne, Manny, Traci, Brigitte and Chyna Doll vs. CC, Ron, Pepa, Rob and Andrea. Call me crazy but this B-list team looks terribly under-equipped. Robin tells us that there are two new rules. First, B-listers can’t enter the A-list side unless explicitly invited over, and all meals will be eaten separately. B-listers have their food left for them in the hallway, which I think is awesome, but they all seem to have a good sense of humor about it.

So what did you think? Are the A-listers are going to beat the hell out of the B-listers? Do Ron and Brigitte make you as sick as they makes me? Will Manny and Verne be allowed to stack on top of one another to make 1 normal-sized competitor? And will Traci ever get non-VH1 related work again?