The Unusuals I Am Your “Dentist”

Ferris Bueller meets police procedural when Eddie Alvarez is left in charge for the day. Danger comes home when Banks thinks he sees a murder happen across the street through his REAR WINDOW.

Dispatch says there’s a full moon and that anything can happen, werewolves and robots, etc.

Banks, Delahoy and Schraeger are sitting in a booth at the Apolo. “Why do we come to this place?” Delahoy asks. “Because it’s cheap and there’s a nearby hospital in case of food poisoning,” reorts Casey. Walsh arrives. Banks has a flashback to the first episode and the bust that he was afraid to do. A guy charges in to “stick up” the restaurant and all the cops grab their guns. Banks thinks he gets shot when the perp’s gun goes off and decides to leave.

Delahoy and Banks go back to Banks’ place. Banks is freaking out. Delahoy says he’s lucky because the bullet missed him. Banks has all inflatable furniture. And no TV. He thinks that it makes him seem weird. “Everything else is weird.” Delahoy thinks it’s time that Banks goes to see a therapist. You think? Cos it was okay for the first 6 months of pretending he has his own rubber room? Banks says he just needs to get through another 6 months. (and just a question why is it always winter on this show? Time passes but they still wear their overcoats. Last time I checked summer in New York wasn’t like summer in antarctica.) Banks has another vision of almost being crushed by the falling part of the roof from episode 2. He then decides to lock himself in his apartment. “Come by December 14h and bring a birthday cake.” Delahoy leaves.

Brown has a night off and is leaving Alvarez in charge, skeptically because Delahoy “glued you a gun to a urinal last time.” He opens a box of bobbleheads that “creep me out,” and tells Alvarez to send them back and to treat the other cops with respect.

The guy who tried to rob the restaurant is sitting in the holding cell. Walsh asks if the guys parents happen to be related because he can’t believe how stupid the guy was to rob a restaurant full of cops. Casey echoes the sentiment with another incest joke. They’re gonna book him and forget about him, “Bye, have a good life.”

Alvarez sees Cole’s Virgin Mary Statue and tells him it’s against regulations. “Detective Beaumont, Eddie Alvarez sees your bra strap.” Beaumont gets mad and takes off her bra and flings it at him. I would, too. A Federal Marshall arrives. He asks about the guy who robbed the store. Bo Keebler. He tells Alvarez that he needs to release Keebler since keebler killed people in other states. “New York tries them first then Illinois,” argues Alvarez. The Marshall asks to speak to him in private.

The marshall confesses to losing Keebler and compliments Alvarez on having it all together. He’s the joke of the other marshalls. “People mock what the don’t understand,” Alvarez says in sympathy. Marshall needs salvation, it’s an easy win. Open-shut. But he has to promise to bring him back. Easy work.

Banks is making tea in his apartment and has another flashback, to the bus, and the old man who regretted never taking risks. He looks out the window and spies on a family and a girl doing yoga and a guy painting. Then the tea whistle startles him.

Beaumont asks Cole if she can tell him something. She hates testifying in court and can’t sleep and pukes. His solution is picturing everyone on their knees praying. Alvarez appears again. “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t mock me in front of the men.” Her answer is, “You talk about my boobs again, I’ll feed you my thong.” I seriously doubt she wears a thong under that uniform. You want as much material between your nice bits and those hideous uniforms as possible.

Walsh questions Alvarez about the prisoner transfer just as an alarm rings and a voice says there is a bomb threat.

Dispatch makes a call about 2 schizo men arguing, or not arguing. Who cares?

The bomb squad finds nothing, so they’re gonna trace the call. As the marshall checks out the prisoner he asks for the for the suspect’s backpack, Alvarez mentions JPAS. Then then announces a “Bomb threat performance review in 30 hours.”

Banks is sleeping and wakes to a scream outside his window. He looks across the way all “Rear Window” style and sees a guy shutting curtains in the yoga room. He dials the station. “I think I just saw a murder.” He explains to Delahoy about seeing the man in the yoga apartment who quickly closed curtains. Delahoy thinks he just had a bad dream and he sounds crazy. “If you’re so worried go over there.” They have a few more words and Delahoy hangs up. Banks goes back to the window.

Walsh brings Marvin in. Marvin comments on the new floor wax. Walsh asks “How many times in the last month have you been in here?” “6 no 7 times. There’s a recession. no one wants to hire an ex-con.” Walsh gives him some money and sends him home. (Really random moment. Sigh. Another character fail and useless plot point.)

Beaumont and Cole are reviewing their testimony with Nicole about a dentist who was selling oxycontin. Afterwards Beaumont is discussing being on the stand with Walsh and the pressure to make sure there is a conviction. He tells her that when he’s on the stand he thinks about things he loves doing and it makes him happy and the jury likes him. Casey appears. she says the bomb came from a local cell. A man appears and introduces himself as Marshall Gary Plunkett. He asks for the prisoner Bo Keebler. Alvarez answers that Marshall Foster just took him. No way. Foster was suspended for taking bribes. “But the paperwork checked out,” whines Alvarez.” Doesn’t matter.

Walsh and Schraeger talk with Alvarez about the case. They’re gonna put out an APB to catch them. They ponder why Foster is mixed up in this since he wasn’t orginally involved with the Keebler case. Walsh points out his surprise as Alvarez letting this go through since he’s usually such a strickler for the rules. Casey gets a call. The bomb threat came from inside the precinct. they theorize that Keebler wanted to get caught and maybe isn’t so dumb after all.

Banks calls for a patrol call to come check out the yoga girl’s apartment.

They bring up the interview tape of the interrogation room from before the bomb threat. In it Foster frees Keebler from cuffs and Keebler tells him where M said something is in the evidence room. Foster makes the bomb call. Schraeger and Walsh realize that after the call Foster and Keeebler had 10 minutes alone in the precinct before the bomb squad arrived.

They go down to search the evidence room for what’s missing. Schraeger finds an empty box. It’s the dirty money from Cole and Beaumont’s case. $50,000. As they realize this Alvarez is going pale. “Not a breakout it’s a heist.”

Cole and Beaumont walk into a room where Schraeger, Walsh and Alvarez are discussing the case and moping. The others want to know what’s up. “We got robbed,” says Casey, “How can the police station be robbed? Explain.” They share the story of what happens. Angry, Beaumont glares at Walsh. “Without the money we have no case.” “We gotta tell Nicole.” Once the seal is broken the case is out the window. Always thinking Walsh points out that only the money tied to the Dentist’s case was taken, not any other money, so logically maybe the dentist hired them. And since the Dentist is in jail there has to be a record of it him talking to people. Walsh tells Alavarez to call the Marshall’s office and threaten them if he has to, to keep them quiet. ” Everyone has a first day, what matters is what you do next.”

Banks is looking out his window. The police arrive. He unlocks the door for them. They come in and he points across the way to the yoga girl’s apartment. They say they went over but no one answered the door at the other apartment. They see Leo’s spying gear and plastic furniture and chastise him for spying and make fun of him for his inflatable furniture. Banks insists they get into her apartment. They decide they’re done with it all. He begs her name before they leave. Carmen Dunn. He looks her up on his database. He looks out the window again and sees the guy dragging something out the bottom door into the trunk of a car. He memorizes the license plate.

Walsh, Alvarez and Schraeger, the new 3 Amigos are reviewing the tapes again. Beaumont and Cole arrive. they found out that Foster grew up with dentist after looking through the Dentist’s jail phone call history. Nicole arrives and the detectives cover for Alvarez. She wants to send them home to rest for trial, so he proceeds to ‘send Cole and Beaumont home.’ After they leave Walsh has his pensive Dr. House wannabe having a brilliant idea face. He reminds them that someone named M told Foster and Keebler where to look for the money. Alvarez fears it is someone inside the precinct. So rather than just saying it Walsh explains. “There are two types of people at a station. “Cops and Criminals.” MARVIN. Guess the dangle earlier was actually a tease, and not a very good one.

They bring Marvin in. Has a ventriloquist dummy of himself, his new gig. Casey questions him about Bo and Ben who had taken him for drinks and asked questions about the precinct layout. Marvin is defensive saying that they were nice and called him “The Man.” Walsh explains what happened. Marvin is rather flumoxed. Walsh takes the head off the dummy in order to rile Marvin for more information about where the two men might be. finally a breakthrough. “There was a girl with them, Nancy, Nora. We went to a bar near her apartment with a cow outside.” Satisfied Walsh gets ready to escort him out. “You know where I have to take you now, bring number 2.”

Banks’ internet goes down. He calls Delahoy and tells him about the man carrying a big duffel bag. He just wants the plate run. He catches sight of something else in the apartment and forgets about Delahoy on the other end of the line. The guy has returned to the apartment across the way. Banks starts watching and Delahoy hangs up again. The guy sees Banks spying on him. Banks runs to unlock and open the front door. For whatever reason he decides it’s better to leave where he’s been cowering all episode and run towards danger completely out of character. Way to go, thumbs up writers. You’ve really given up haven’t you?

Delahoy looks up the plate for Banks. He is alarmed by what he finds. He tries to call Banks but he gets Banks’ machine. He talks into the machine, explaining that the guy is Reginald Worthy, who has already been questioned on the disappearance of two women. Delahoy thinks he could be a serial killer. “I’m on my way.”

Alvarez calls home and wakes Nicole so he can sniffle and pout around the fact that he’s incompetent wet rag. Schraeger overhears and enters his office, She tells him that she went to highschool with his wife, and hated her in school. But now thinks she’s cool. Alvarez starts getting dreamy eyed and gushes about meeting his wife on foot patrol when she was in law school. “She liked the gun and the mustache.” He thinks it was a fluke that he got such a hottie. He whines that he just “Wants to just be detective, but she wants more, a champion.” Schraeger argues that he is a champion because he is doing work considered beneath them. Wow I’m like the champion of all time since I put up with endless amounts of crap at work that I’m too smart to deal with! “Now where could I find a cow win brooklyn?” “Steakhouse.” “Genius! What do you say, wanna catch some bad guys?”

At the steakhouse they catch Bo and Foster, but the money is gone from the backpack.

Banks goes into Carmen’s empty apartment with his gun drawn. Thinks he really is going crazy because there’s nothing there so he heads back to his place.

Walsh anc Schraeger question Bo which Alvarez questions Foster.” Only one moron gets a deal. Foster knows how it works. He’s a cop. He’ll spill. Bo doesn’t buy it.

Alvarez questions Foster. “This place is a joke, too much personality. Give me 24 hours bet I could rob it again.” Schraeger bursts in. “Bo is talking.” Alvarez smirks, “Have fun in Sing-sing.” but Ben laughs. “I know he’s not talking and he knows I won’t.”

Banks returns home. Reginald is in his apartment. Banks sitting there unwitting. The guy tries to strangle him with rope.They scuffle. Reginald takes out a knife and punctures the furniture as he chases Banks around the apartment.

Delahoy tries to get in, but all Banks’ locks keep him out. Delahoy gets his gun out to try and shoot the handle. Eventually Banks gets the upper hand and subdues the perp. With the last of his energy he opens the door and lets Delahoy in. “You popped the couch,” Delahoy observes. “Told you I wasn’t crazy.” Banks sinks down to the floor.

Walsh Schraeger and Alvarez gather in the morning. Alvarez wants to call call Nicole and Captain Morgan and tell them what happened. Alvarez is going to take all the heat. They start House thinking again and from a scene that took place off screen that would have been helpful to viewers they refer to the girlfriend who lives near the cow and according to her timeline (guess she willingly talked?) they didn’t have time to hide the money before they were caught…but they did have that time in the precinct… Beaumont arrives and lets them know they are wanted in court. “Stall,” commands Alvarez.

He notices one of the bobbleheads near the desk. Then he notices more and starts tossing them around and frantically looking for the box they came in. “Brown wanted me to send them back! Where’s the box.” Alvarez runs out into the hallway and grabs the mail clerk asking if the mail went out. Conveniently, because I know my mailmail comes early in the morning, just like the paper, the mail has already left, seconds before. Alvarez runs after the mailtruck, a tiny bit of tongue hanging out as he fulfills every dog’s dream. (Okay he doesn’t fill it because he doesn’t bite the mailman but he does catch the truck.)

Alvarez jumps into the truck and finds the newly relabeled box. Ge rips it open and the money is inside. It’s still sealed with the booking slip intact. “Drive on the sidewalk if you have to,” he tells a cop, handing it off.

Brown arrives back from his day off and asks for a status report. “All quiet.” There was a Bomb threat but it was a prank.” Brown is suspicious. He glares at Walsh and Schraeger. “Is he lying?” What about the NoHo strangler that Delahoy and Banks caught? Haven’t you been following the calls? Alvarez blanches.

Banks enters the station followed by Delahoy. ‘Say it.” “I’m not gonna say it.” “Say it.” Banks gives in to Delahoy’s demand. “Staying at home is not safer than coming to work.” Sad how little Perrineau has to work with since coming from Lost.

Alvarez comments to Brown that they are good cops.

I’m kind of pissed that we never meet the Dentist of the Episode Title. It’s not a clever gimmick, it’s annoying.