The Longest Yard Sale

There and Back

By B-Side | Monday, February 6, 2006 | 4:19 pm | 57 Comments

ash_danA few weeks ago, I brazenly suggested that There and Back was one of the worst reality shows of all time. I still stand by that statement, and yet I have been compelled to watch every episode since then. Granted, I haven’t always had the time to recap all of Ashley’s exploits — the high point being his inability to operate an automatic door — but the curiosity factor has certainly hooked me. Just how affably dumb can this guy be? The answer: VERY.This week’s show started off with Ashley telling us that his birthday was coming up, but in typical doe-eyed fashion, he said he didn’t want Tiffany to go out of her way at all. Of course, we knew that was exactly what would happen. Nevertheless, after the generic opening credits, we then found ourselves in Glendale, California, a.k.a. Ashley’s newish ‘hood. He and Tiffany lay in bed together, pondering such weighty topics as sleep and how much they love sleep and wanting to sleep all day and oh yeah, Dan’s coming over today! Yay! (Uh, who?) After stroking his chest one time too many (at least for me), Tiff then put on her baby-talk voice and said, “Baby, your birthday’s coming up soon!” BABY!!! It’s coming up, BABY!!!

But babe, Ashley doesn’t want to do anything for his birthday! Babe, he never celebrated his birthday as a kid. Don’t you hear me, BABE? Well, Tiffany was not happy with this response, and said, you guessed it, “Baby…” This was then followed by, “I don’t like that answer, baby. That wasn’t what I was looking for.” Around this time I was sort of wishing that Scarlet would come in and hit them both over the head with a frying pan.

Well, despite his protests, Tiffany went ahead and began planning a surprise party while Ashley stepped outside to call his manager Larry, a.k.a. the only man proud to share names with “Leisure Suit Larry.” Anyway, Ashley had some pressing financial issues, as usual. “Every time I check my bank account, I get freaked out,” he said. Huh. Then maybe you shouldn’t have bought a house. It’s called “waiting until you’ve saved up the money.” I know, crazy concept.

Later on, Dan showed up at the house. Who’s Dan? Well, just another crazy cat from O-Town! He was in G-Town (that’s Glendale Town) as part of the “Boys of Summer” tour, or as its more commonly known: the worst tour of all time. Yes, this wonderful tour featured all sorts of former boy band guys like Jordan Knight and Jeff Timmons (From 98 Degrees. The non-Lachey one. No, not the dorky guy with the beard. The other one).

Anyway, Ashley introduced Dan to Scarlet (who shockingly was not chugging down a margarita), and then the two took a stroll down memory lane as they watched home videos of the O-Town days. Was it me, or did Ashley sort of look older than he does now when he was younger? Did that make sense? Oh, never mind.

Afterwards, the guys headed into the kitchen where Tiffany was carving out an avocado and then mused about life after boy band. “What we do after the group is gonna do so much more to like justify…” Dan said, trailing off. “…the members of O-Town actually being talented,” Ashley said, finishing the sentence. Yes, what you guys are doing now really will prove to the world what wonderful artists you are. For instance, Dan’s boy band tour is very impressive. And hey, Ashley’s doing a reality show! Two luminaries indeed! Somebody call the Kennedy Center!

Just when this summer afternoon was shaping up to be one of the very best ever, bad news descended from on high. Tiffany discovered that the Boys of Summer concert at the House of Blues HAD BEEN CANCELLED!! Could this be true? Yup. Dan went to the internet and read the news with his own two eyes, causing Ashley to pop out of the scene (oh god) and address us in his trademark way. “This is awkward!” he said. You don’t know the half of it.

“We used to sell out our tours, and now this? Poor Dan!” Ash continued. “What do I say? Do I change the subject and compliment his hat? Should we watch more O-Town videos? I don’t know. That might make him feel worse!” What a predicament! Well, the screen unfroze, and Dan ambled out of the house in high spirits (although you could tell he was crying inside. As Ashley said, poor Dan!!).

The next morning, Ash announced at breakfast that he wanted to have a yard sale, but Tiffany quickly shot him down. “We’re not having a yard sale in this neighborhood. It’s a nice neighborhood!” Look, it’s Glendale, not Bel Air. And furthermore, what the hell did Tiffany put on her breakfast? I know I saw her use the maple syrup, but that was some of the nastiest shit I’d ever seen. It’s like she’d doused her waffles with swamp water. Or something worse.

tiff_syrup

Well, despite Tiffany’s protests, Ashley went ahead with his yard sale, which was the perfect opportunity for Scarlet to crack open some morning Heinekens and hone her inner-alcoholic. Amazingly, people showed up to this bauble showcase, which featured knickknacks from all the finest souvenir shops in America. I was personally shocked — SHOCKED — that Ash would offer up his metallic replica of the Chrysler Building, but maybe that’s because he thought it was the Empire State Building (the dumbass had this thing for years and thought it was a completely different building. Awesome).

Later, a woman in an old car pulled up at the yard sale and simply watched from the comforts of the drivers seat. This spooked Ashley out (then again, I’m sure styrofoam peanuts freak him out too. “Hey babe, I think there’s styrofoam in here. Can you check it out??” Cut to the screen pausing and Ashley telling us, “This is scary. I hate styrofoam peanuts. Hopefully Tiffany can help me out. Otherwise, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”)

Anyhoo, the lady in the car finally stepped out, revealing the one-two punch of a fat ass and a nifty fanny pack. She may have been unsightly, but I enjoyed this kooky woman — almost as much as she enjoyed pressing Ashley on prices. She manhandled many of the objects, including an oversized metal jack, and then ultimately plunked down some cold, hard cash for various mint-condition Superman memorabilia. Amazingly, Ashley sold most of the Superman stuff for $5, and I’m no appraiser, but I gotta figure that stuff was wroth more than that. I mean, has he even heard of eBay?

marilyn

Elsewhere on the lawn, Scarlet was downing a few more beers, commenting, “This beer sure is good because it’s so hot out here.” Another thing that makes it taste so good: your rampant alcoholism.

“You need to drink your beer, honey, and stop being lagging behind. I’m almost done,” Scarlet then told Ashley. You know, I’d love to see Scarlet in a bar fight. Because we all know she’s been in them before. Heck, she was probably in one two hours earlier.

Meanwhile, financial guru Ashley continued to sell off his belongings, taking a mere $40 for what looked to be quite the expensive keyboard. Tiffany said he could have gotten $50 for it. I would have said $100. And I would have sold it on eBay, but now I’m just repeating myself.

Later, Ashley signed an unopened, rare, Asian-edition of an O-Town CD for Marilyn (fanny pack woman). And how much was this relic of boy band memorabilia? Oh, a whopping $1.50. Congratulations, Ashley. You’ve officially become sad.

Luckily for the fam, Ashley managed to raise a whole $154.50, which should pay for the cases of Zima that Scarlet probably had waiting in layaway. Ashley then headed off to his music producer’s house (Shep Soloman, clearly the son of a Navajo Chief and a yenta), and as he walked by a pool, the screen suddenly froze, and we had by far the most ridiculous Ashley Parker Angel still shot yet. First, Ashley stepped onto the brick hot tub wall in the pool and “balanced,” and then he went all Jesus-y by simply walking on top of the pool’s surface, which just so happened to ripple with each footstep. Okay, producers. You’re having fun with your visual effects. WE GET IT.

swimmingpool

Anyway, once this distracting bit of FX passed, we then commenced a back-and-forth montage of Ashley working on his music and Tiffany preparing the big surprise party. This basically consisted of Tiffany using her baby voice to coerce friends to stop by the house and Shep straining his vocal chords as he attempted to sing Ashley’s music.

Well, for better or worse, the music production was going nicely, but Tiffany was coming to the realization that no one actually wanted to come to Ashley’s party. So what did she do? You guessed it: cried. As tears rolled down Tiff’s cheeks, Scarlet tried to cheer up her daughter: “Look, she’s gonna let go of all these balloons, and we’ll put them all out, and you know how much Ashley loves balloons.” Okay, first of all, is Tiffany five years old? And second of all, did Scarlet just say, “You know how much Ashley loves balloons?” What the? Is Ashley five years old too? Or maybe just borderline mentally challenged? I can just imagine Ashley going to a carnival and chasing a balloon around, pointing and giggling, perhaps screaming “Bawooon! Bawooon!”

With nothing better to do other than whine (her only natural talent), Tiffany called up Ashley and asked, “Baby, do you think the baby hates me?” That’s a two “baby” violation, I’d like to point out. And yes, I do think the baby hates you, Tiffany. Mostly because you keep talking shit about it. I’m sorry, I should use the baby’s name: LYRIC.

Well, Ashley tried to quell Tiffany’s nerves by saying how she’s just freaking out, much the way Scarlet yells and screams during traffic. And because Tiffany is such a thoughtful person, she let Ashley go on and on about Scarlet’s road rage, not bothering to tell him that he was a) on speakerphone and b) within Scarlet’s earshot. (Of course, it’s sort of Ashley’s fault for not realizing he was on speakerphone. Then again, he is an idiot). Well, Scarlet was not happy with Ashley’s rant and shot him (or the phone, really) the finger. Okay, no one wants to hear someone talking about them behind their backs, but seriously, all Ashley was doing was saying how Scarlet yells and screams during traffic. Let’s not be ridiculous with the middle fingers and such. Of course, this doesn’t take into consideration just how drunk Scarlet was at this point. For all we knew, she was hearing her ex-husband cursing her out in her brain.

Anyway, Ashley eventually arrived home and surprise! Happy birthday! And look, Ashley! Ballloons!! Your favorite!! Well, Ash went around and greeted all his guests including two former O-Town guys and… Donald Faison (huh? He’s way too cool to be hanging out here).

Before we could party too hard though, Ashley and Scarlet had a private, obviously staged scene where he apologized to her for what he had said on the phone. Scar explained that at first, she was annoyed but knew he wasn’t being sneaky because, “You don’t have a sneaky bone in your body.” At this point, Ashley gave her a relieved look that seemed to say, “REALLY???” — almost like he feared that maybe, just maybe, he did in fact have a sneaky bone in his body.

With Ash and Scar on good terms again, we rejoined the party for more fun, and when the cake came out, we got one last wonderful freeze frame. Ash turned to the camera and told us that he really thought this year would be his year. Well, duh. You have a reality show on MTV. Of course this year will be your year. Now get Scarlet a Long Island Iced Tea before she gets the shakes.

birthday

What did you think about this episode? Does anyone else secretly wish they had been to Ashley’s yard sale?

About

57 Comments

  1. 1
    anonym.
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 4:29 pm

    “Around this time I was sort of wishing that Scarlet would come in and hit them both over the head with a frying pan.”

    yes..or a bottle of tequila. yes, that would do very nicely.

  2. 2
    anonym.
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 4:31 pm

    ^ i can just see it now:
    “it was miss scarlet in the kitchen with the bottle of tequila!”

  3. 3
    TimGunnFan
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 4:52 pm

    Did anyone notice Donald “Turkleton” Faison in the party background? I could have sworn it was him.

    Trust me, I don’t usually look for this show but my wife insists I watch it. I sorta feel obligated since I suffered through the first Making the Band. I lived in Hawaii when that Cryin’ Hawaiian showed up so I wanted to see how bad he made us look back in Hawaii.

  4. 4
    Roney12
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 5:11 pm

    Bravo Baby! Bravo Baby! This by far has been your best work so far. (that I have read of course) B-side you are Ballon-fantasic! This show is the best to read about. Hey they probably had that yard sale (in the garage?) to pay for his new tattoo of “Lyric”. Please don’t ever stop. P.S. Do you do Meet the Barkers. Now that would be awesome. Thanks

  5. 5
    ittakesalkynes
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 5:16 pm

    Great recap B-Side. “Anyhoo, the lady in the car finally stepped out, revealing the one-two punch of a fat ass and a nifty fanny pack” -It doesn’t get any better than that.

  6. 6
    criscogirl
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 5:30 pm

    I hope you are feeling better B-Side…thank you for finally recapping quite possibly the worst episode of the worst reality show of all time. After this episode, I wish I could have the members of OTown (and their tagalong monkey that seems more intelligent than anyone on this show) come to my birthday party this week. I bet if I offered 20 dollars and balloons they will be there with baby Lyric and all. BEST RECAP EVER!

  7. 7
    stacyrocks
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 7:21 pm

    WHOA! A recap of There & Back!? I haven’t read it yet; I’m trying to keep something for work tomorrow! I am so ashamed to say that I ‘enjoy’ this show, it is just so horrible and the editing doesn’t makes much sense chronologically but damn, there is just so much to make fun of. Can’t wait to read this!!! :D

  8. 8
    mangos
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 7:30 pm

    Hahaha Im so glad you did another recap of this show. Keep them coming!

  9. 9
    SlvAqua15
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 7:31 pm

    SOOO FUNNY

    this show is so stupid it works, i wonder if he’ll get the same out of this show as The Simpson family did on theirs….i hope so boy needs the money

    keep the recaps coming!

  10. 10
    nocable
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 7:33 pm

    anonym- that MADE my day.

    more clue references!

  11. 11
    GoldCrayon
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 7:48 pm

    I could make a better show than this crap. -Freeze Frame- Get a life Asheley

  12. 12
    The_Svan
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 8:15 pm

    Donald Faison is too cool to be there. Tonight’s episode was even better. Tiffany drives herself and Ashley to the hospital before she gives birth.

  13. 13
    anonym.
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 8:25 pm

    nocable- i’m glad you appreciate clue as much as i do! that game is the best!

    can someone tell me why a woman that is barely able to walk with out hunching over from the babyweight is even ALLOWED to drive?!

  14. 14
    Cobra Kai
    Posted February 6, 2006 at 9:59 pm

    So did Ash sell his license at the garage sale or what? Seriously, this show is better than Newlyweds EVER was. Would love to see him dump Tiff and hook up with Jessica. Now THAT would be the best show ever.

  15. 15
    shank
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 12:39 am

    God, this show couldn’t be any worse…seeing that other random O-Towner grasp onto his fading stardom was so funny/sad. Why did I even watch this trash?

    Oh yeah, and B-Side…what’s the buzz on that new Miami fashion show from the Laguna Beach people? Is it more “produced” than LB?

  16. 16
    MIA
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 6:48 am

    I can honestly say I do not watch this show. I just can’t sit through it, but I LOVE reading the re-caps. Hilarious. Great job!!

    BTW: Why don’t you recap the Flava Flave show? That is the KING of Reality MESS TV.

  17. 17
    aeb
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 8:09 am

    it pains me to sit through this show. but i did watch it last night.

    i wish you would recap meet the barkers.

    however, best show ever on mtv… gamekillers. it’s almost as good as boiling point – which makes even my mom want to watch mtv.

  18. 18
    c-rock
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 8:24 am

    I agree that ASH sold a lot of that collectible-looking crap for WAY less than he could have. That Asian O-Town CD …he could have gotten at least two bucks for it. Also – who is Donald Faison?

  19. 19
    stacyrocks
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 8:40 am

    B-Side, you did not disappoint! This recap was awesome! And I’m glad you noticed Donald Faison too. When I saw him trying to hide behind other guests so he wouldn’t be caught on tape at ASHLEY PARKER ANGEL’s party, I couldn’t stop laughing.

    And poor Dan from O-Town, no one lets him know that the show HE IS PERFORMING IN is cancelled. And he has to learn about it by going online to check. Just sad!!

    c-rock;

    Donald Faison is an actor, he was in the Clueless movie and tv show and on Scrubs. :)

  20. 20
    AUDIAL
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:04 am

    PORKY MCFATTY!!!!!

    RAWR!! LAWL!!

  21. 21
    holyterror
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:06 am

    I’m sooooo glad you’re covering this show. It’s one of the most horrifying things I’ve seen in a long time, and should be required viewing for every American Idol wannabe or Making The Band contestant.

    For extra laughs, look on The Smoking Gun for O-Town’s old backstage rider. I think it includes a police escort to the gig.

    Svan: The pregnant woman driving to her own delivery was the absolute top. Ashley’s soooooo dreamy! Plus, at the beginning of the episode, he was passive-aggressively trying to get rid of her.

  22. 22
    holyterror
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:23 am

    I wonder if “ASH” immediately turned around and sold the AWSOME guitar he got for his birthday for $20 on the sidewalk.

    And wouldn’t the cost of that party about cover the $27 shortfall in his bank account? That or the price of the BELLY CAST (pretty! and not at all awkward or obcene) that “TIFF” got this week.

    I loved the conversation with Larry — the gist was: You’re not making money off of anything else, and you’re not going to make it off of O-Town, either. I feel sorry for Larry. I can’t imagine any lower depth of misery than being the agent for a talentless, charmless has-been. Why doesn’t Ash GET A FUCKING JOB?

  23. 23
    Leah3t
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:25 am

    Last night’s birth episode was the funniest thing yet. I can’t believe that woman had to drive herself to have a baby, that they make a plaster of paris of her tummy which was the put in the trunk of a car, that he cut his bangs in the hospital, her having to give directions over the phone for him while the baby’s head was coming out. This is what we were hoping to see if Nick and Jessica had ever reproduced. amazing.

  24. 24
    criscogirl
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:35 am

    Last night Ashley taught young people around the world that the pull and pray does not work and he will be smarter next time…now that’s a role model for our time.

  25. 25
    sweet j
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:35 am

    I agree with SlvAqua15 – this show is so stupid it works.

    There was this movie called “Jesus’s Son” with a character named Fu$khead who Ashley reminds me of–a sweet, likeable but kinda sad doofus.

    And I agree, the next episode where she drives herself to her own delivery is super fantastic. That combined with the fact that Ashley gives her the phone to give directions as she’s in the middle of her own labor! (she doesn’t take the phone but proceeds to give very clear directions-hilarious).

    Oh and B-side, I don’t think they bought that house, they referenced paying rent (not a mortgage) and coming up with $8k to move in (don’t think they could move in to a house with only $8k…)

    I am way too into this show…

  26. 26
    laceykately
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:39 am

    great re-cap!! this episode was a little over the top with the pool thing, i thought i was seeing things,lol!!! your recaps are the funniest things i have read in a long long time!!!

    and i agree with the other two people on here that you should recap Meet the Barkers, that show is the best!!! anyways keep up the good work and i cant wait to read the new one from last night!!!

  27. 27
    Emily
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 9:44 am

    He looks like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
    Why would he not drive her to the hospital?!

  28. 28
    D-Hoffs
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 10:10 am

    Great Recap B-side…
    aeb i too was hoping for some recaps on Meet the Barkers…but i genuinelly like the them, waaay more than “tiff & ash” and those gauntlet fools, so id feel bad when B-side made fun of them.

    I too watched last nights episode .. does anyone think that Tiffany looks HUGE .. i literally thougth it looked like she was carrying triplets….and the way she waddled when she walked…good god!

    also belly cast?? who does that…and lastly .. if thier sooo broke how does Tiffany have that Mercedes she was driving last night? hhhmm

  29. 29
    feroil
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 10:54 am

    Okay, I’m a long time TVGasm lurker, having never bothered to post a comment. But I just spent 10 minutes crying with laughter over the mental image of APA (His name is just too long to waste the effort of typing) “going to a carnival and chasing a balloon around, pointing and giggling, perhaps screaming “Bawooon! Bawooon!”

    B-Side, my hat is off to you, as that is the funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG time!

  30. 30
    ClariceStarling
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 11:16 am

    I haven’t watched an episode of this show, but, honey, you better believe I will now.

    I was kinda grossed out at first when I saw the commercial because I thought he was living with his mom and sister, not his wife/lover and mother-in-law/drunk hag. I was very put off by the “morning wood” comment.

  31. 31
    K
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 11:30 am

    Does anybody ever notice how he has no money but is driving in a different NICE car everytime?! What is that?

  32. 32
    nocable
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 11:55 am

    “And furthermore, what the hell did Tiffany put on her breakfast? I know I saw her use the maple syrup, but that was some of the nastiest shit I’d ever seen.”

    That ain’t nothing but a little brown and bubbly.

  33. 33
    stacyrocks
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 11:57 am

    -K;

    I noticed that too, so far I counted 3 cars, a Tiburon (white) and Mercedes (black) and some older vehicle that they had to blur the plate on. Obviously, MTV is letting them use the Mercedes or something because minus $27 cannot pay for that!!
    If MTV is trying to show Ashley & co as poor and desperate; how about having him drive in that 1970′s van Jacob was riding in a couple episodes ago? Even I would consider buying a CD to send some money Ash’s way.

    And damn it, you guys are making me more anxious to leave work so I can watch last night’s episode on the DVR…

  34. 34
    AUDIAL
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 12:00 pm

    Yea I would leave work and watch the show too except for 2 words:

    Porky.

    McFatty.

  35. 35
    Pamsey
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 12:00 pm

    Hi, my name is Pamsey and I’m a 30 something MTV addict. There I said it.
    B-Side, effing hilarious re-cap, Scarlet’s “Zima on layaway” is just too damn funny! She is going to be such a good grandmother (NOT)

  36. 36
    Leah3t
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 12:14 pm

    nocable-
    Oh my gosh.

    That was excellent. I nominate you to write you own column, on whatever show of your choice, because that was hysterical!

  37. 37
    stacyrocks
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 12:30 pm

    -Audial;
    Stop making fun :)

  38. 38
    tvismylife
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 12:47 pm

    If I had the saggingly sad milk sacks that Tiff had I would have never had the belly cast done. I couldn’t believe that Scar wasn’t drinking at the dinner table with Ass I mean Ash’s mom. Unless she had a little something in her diet brown and bubbly.

  39. 39
    holyterror
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 1:12 pm

    I hope that when Tiff and Ash have their inevitable breakup he has the wit to paint huge nipples on her “belly” cast, put a fake styrofoam head on it with a photo of her face, and sell it on eBay.

    Oh … and they should have called the show “Has-Been Joke At 24.”

  40. 40
    mere2142
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 5:15 pm

    The girl who used to play Belle on Days of Our Lives appeared to be there as well…Kirsten Storms.

    I love this terrible show…so glad you decided to recap!

  41. 41
    blueberdie
    Posted February 7, 2006 at 8:52 pm

    Great recap. What does everyone think of his music?

  42. 42
    tvaholic
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 9:03 am

    “Bawoon” LOL!!

    I think Tiff had to drive herself because she’s the only sober one of the bunch.

    MIA(#16)-I agree, “Flavor of Love” is the worst reality show ever. I’d watch a marathon of “There & Back” any day over “Flavor.” Flav is the ookiest, nastiest guy I’ve ever seen and he has managed to get his 3rd show. And the prostitutes trying to win him over are just nasty hos who all are probably American Idol rejects who have finally found the one person who appreciates their “talents.”

  43. 43
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 10:57 am

    tvaholic – I could not agree more. I think they got those Flav contestants straight off some seedy streetcorner.

    I feel like everything Ashley says sounds so fake and phoney and staged and the idea of Tiff as Mother frightens me to bits.

    Oh and his music – it’s eh..ok- nothing spectacular.

  44. 44
    lguser
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 12:17 pm

    Tiffany is not mature enough to be a mother. She does whine like she’s a 5 year old. Plus, if she doesn’t like being pregnant, then why the hell not use protection in the first place… these people are just stupid… really..

  45. 45
    dmbislove
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 1:21 pm

    Speaking of “Flavor of Love” I was watching Next on MTV the other day, and one of the girls on the bus was Pumpkin from Flavor of Love, meaning either she didn’t win, this was taped before, or she is a reality tv show whore who tries to get on any show she can.

  46. 46
    tvismylife
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 1:45 pm

    She is a reality TV whore. she has an account at myspace and she tells you all of the shows she has been on.

  47. 47
    marybeth
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 1:57 pm

    I’m embarassed to admit that I know why Kirsten Storms was at the party. She is the girlfriend of Erik Michael Estrada, another former O-Town member. He was there, also.

  48. 48
    Ellen
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 2:48 pm

    One of the guys from Scrubs was at Ashley’s party? Are you kidding me? How does he even know Ashley, and wouldn’t he have better things to do?

    “I can just imagine Ashley going to a carnival and chasing a balloon around, pointing and giggling, perhaps screaming ‘Bawooon! Bawooon!’”

    I actually fell out of my chair laughing as I visualized that.

    I too cannot stop watching this sad, pathetic train wreck of a show. It’s like eating cotton candy – you know it’s total crap, but it’s just so delightful going down.

  49. 49
    maybeimamazed02
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 4:20 pm

    I must admit, I kinda like the theme song.

    Is it just me, or was Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars cutie) at the party as well? I could’ve sworn I saw her, and I think I read on another message board that she was there.

    B-Side, you continue to rock my world with these recaps (esp. all the Scarlet remarks…my God, what a lush!). I was practically crying with laughter.

    It’s also reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who watches this thing.

  50. 50
    mere2142
    Posted February 8, 2006 at 6:49 pm

    Thanks for clearing that up about Kirsten Storms, Marybeth. I spent way too much time thinking about why she was there!

  51. 51
    Emily
    Posted February 9, 2006 at 7:33 am

    Who is Kirsten Storms?

    I don’t know why I like this show, but I can’t stop watching it!

  52. 52
    Fuxy
    Posted February 9, 2006 at 11:02 am

    I also don’t know why I can’t stop watching this show. Ashley is such a whiney, self-centered puss. I do like Tiffany’s jabs at O-Town and “Liquid Dreams”, though. That’s pretty funny. What I don’t understand is the baby’s name. Ashley bitched about having to be a male named Ashley Angel (it’s bad enough that he looks like a chick). So what does he do? He names his son Lyric Angel. Gee, Ashley. How effin’ thoughtful. Misery does love company.

  53. 53
    Victoria
    Posted February 9, 2006 at 1:24 pm

    I usually don’t read recaps of shows I don’t watch, but these are priceless. Their lives make me kinda sad-when I’m not laughing at how stupid they are.

  54. 54
    Bzani
    Posted February 9, 2006 at 7:09 pm

    Kirsten Storms, that’s who it was. I was all, WTF it’s Zenon!

    But yeah. This show is basically the most amazing thing ever. Really bad reality television is my most beloved guilty pleasure, and MTV never fails to deliver. (remember Score?)

    My friends and I have begun to deliver Shakespearean asides in daily conversations, complete with everyone around the speaker freezing. It’s priceless.

  55. 55
    tvaholic
    Posted February 10, 2006 at 2:58 pm

    I just saw a rerun the other day, the one where he gets pissed becasue Tiff called him out on being so forgetful. They fight in the car as they come back from picking up his cell phone or something he left at a store. So they get home, he storms into the house & throws himself face down onto the bed like a 5-yr-old, leaving her at 15-months-pregnant to waddle in the house carying her purse & a bag. Rather than doing the mature thing and saying sorry I wasted half of your day picking up the shit I left all over town & I’ll try to be more responsible, he whines to her about that’s just the way he is & either she’ll have to accept & quit “saying such hurtful things to him” or reconsider being with him. God, she had an out, why didn’t she take it??!!

  56. 56
    Fuxy
    Posted February 11, 2006 at 9:21 pm

    tvaholic-I was also appalled by his childish garbage. I hate how he makes everything about him. It’s always about how he’s feeling or what’s some mean person is doing to him. It seemed he was hell-bent on even making the baby’s delivery all about him, too. The bellyaching about having no money just makes him all the more annoying (especially since he’s in a nice house, seems to have nice cars, and seems to have money for eyeliner, blush, and perfectly-styled chick hair). If a person is THAT desperate for money for their unborn child, they should freakin’ go apply at a McDonald’s.

  57. 57
    heehaw
    Posted February 25, 2006 at 3:30 pm

    i just saw the rerun of the episode where he comes close to getting his ass kicked at a bar. he throws a pathetic punch at a stupid drunk guy and it looks like a 6 year old girl throwing a baseball for the first time. this was after his show of machismo of tossing a drink on the guy. then he spends the rest of the night telling everyone who will even act interested that he is a tough guy who got kicked out of a bar for fighting. i could not help feeling sorry for this punk. the drunk called him cupcake. he really needs to drop the foo foo hairdo stop whining and singing like a woman, hit the gym and get a job. eventually his wife will leave him.

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