Hey guys! So I wasn’t going to recap A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila this week since it’s basically a clip show. But after watching it, I realized there are definitely some things in here worth talking – and snarking – about! For example, Tila’s totally fake, grating attitude, not to mention her fug, streaky blonde bob. So without further ado, may I present my favorite moments:
What do you mean by the carpet doesn’t match the drapes?
1. Extended footage of the hey-girl-hey girl. Oh man, I wish this chick had stayed around longer, because she is fucking hysterical. In some new footage, she tells Tila that she’s an architect. If any readers live in Tulsa, Oklahoma, I would immediately check to see which buildings she’s designed in the area and avoid them at all costs. You know that shit’s just as unstable as she is. Hell-errr.
Some truly unfortunate tan lines…
2. The boys’ whining after the bi-athlon. We saw a little bit of this the first time around, but it turns out the boys bitched and moaned about losing to a bunch of girls for hours afterwards. Excuses ranged from their pit having more sand to Dani “knowing how to dig” because she’s a firefighter. Yes, firefighters are often called to put out those pesky underground blazes. They’re annoying – although not as tricky as those ones in the ocean.
3. Professor Ashley’s name confusion. I didn’t think it was possible, but this boy is even stupider than we thought. Not only did he completely not know the names of several of the other contestants (calling Bobby Robbie, Tranny Vanny Veronica, and pizza boy Michael Brian), he screwed up the pronunciation of Tila’s name several times as well! He must make his poor students wear phonetically spelled “Hello My Name Is” stickers all the way through June – that is, assuming he can read. Or that his students can write.
Huked on fonecks wurked for mee!
4. Professor Ashley’s broken foot. In this completely new segment, we learn that the Professor broke his foot from kicking a flowerpot after he was eliminated. While receiving medical attention from some paramedics, he’s asked if he has pain anywhere else. To which the Professor responds “only in my heart.” The paramedic chokes back vomit but says nothing. At the hospital, the Professor’s filling out paperwork when he gets stumped by the question asking his martial status. As he’s trying to decide whether he’s a black belt or a red belt, a producer steps in to point out it actually says marital status. As for the method of arrival question, the Professor swings for the fences by guessing it was a Ford and not a Chevy. I’m a little surprised he didn’t answer “stork.”
5. Tranny Vanny in denial. Within a few short minutes, we hear her say she’s not a drunk, she’s well liked, and she’s classy. She says these things while rubbing her bare ass on a glass door, using a handle of Absolut as a baseball bat, and kneeling on a counter in her panties. This girl makes Britney Spears look like someone you want to bring home to meet mom.
Well, I’ll give her classy
6. The God debate. We don’t really get to see much of this, but evidently some fight went down in the house over religion and God. Let me tell you, I wish we could have heard these brainiacs get into an intense theology debate. I imagine it went a little something like this:
Tranny Vanny: Dude, there totally is a God! I’ve always pictured Him as this sweet, charming older gentleman, wearing a silk robe and surrounded by beautiful blonde ang -
Lizard Killer: For the last fucking time, Vanessa, Hugh Hefner is not God. And no matter how many times you claim he is, he’s still going to say you’re too ugly to be in his magazine.
Tranny Vanny: Bitch I’ll kill you! Where’s my vodka?!
So what were your favorite moments? Did you notice the way they’re preparing us for “That’s Amore!” by playing up the fact Guido is trying desperately to find love? Did anyone else see that douchebag Marcus was on “The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency” again, this time trotting out his new girlfriend for Janice? And as for the finale – who do you think Tila is shown chasing down, and why are they leaving?
See you next week for the finale!