Hello Gasmii – sorry for not having last week’s Toddlers & Tiaras episode up, as you may know the TVgasm gods have put us in a little bit of a time-out with the site being down and I apparently jinxed it every time I tried to upload my recap…so I have like 38.6% of the pictures uploaded, I just have to finish and it will be ready to go…hopefully I can get it done before Whitney tonight!
So this week’s episode is the Lollipops and Gumdrops pageant featuring the return of Makenzie but sans Ni-Ni, I’m sorry to disappoint. She’s still the same unruly, whiney little monster but just a little more articulate about it. Also, I think she’s scared the family cat to the point where it only has like 2 lives left. She doesn’t want to practice, per usual, and at one point Juana says she wants to smack her ass…I love it. Juana still looks like she’s on meth, but maybe a little less, and she tells us the Makenzie has become somewhat of a celebrity in the pageant world. Yeah, not for what you think it is, Juana. Anyway, they actually go shopping for clothes for Mak for when she ARRIVES at the hotel…she has to look good for her entourage, you know. Vomit. At one point, she tells one girl to stop hugging her (heh) and she does seem to get a little overwhelmed with the attention. Then stop bringing it on yourself! I don’t really think Mak is that pretty anymore and she seems sort of fake onstage…in addition, she tripped over her too-big shoes a couple of times and it was sort of sloppy.
Next up are sisters, Kayley and Brooke, one is 8 and the other 10…they look so much alike it’s hard to tell who is who throughout the episode. They are very competitive but luckily they have good parents and not Jamie Sterling raising them, and they aren’t competing in the same age group at this pageant. The girls do a snipe at each other in a sibling-rivalry way, however sometimes it got kind of mean and one made the other one cry. Siblings suck. They both do a great job on beauty and the “Candy Outfit” (one little baby had a skirt made of Skittles in their packages…excellent sugar rush for later) for both was great – they looked adorable and very natural, and the back flips one of them did were very good…and made me herniate a disk just watching. Mom and dad were totally proud of both daughters and there was no child-preference. You know how I can’t stand well-adjusted families.
Finally we meet Hailey who is a tall, thin and very well-mannered 10 year old who is being trained by mom and mom’s bestie DJ/Shangela – a tranny who is all that and honestly, a pretty good coach judging by Hailey’s poise and confidence. DJ is also Hailey’s godfather and when they are practicing the candywear routine and she’s supposed to be pushing a candy cart, he tells her to “Push it like a homeless lady in New York.” Because they are so sassy and divalicious when they push all of their worldly belongings in a stolen grocery cart. Why don’t they compete, dammit? Hailey’s only meltdown is to get upset with herself when one of her feet drags a teeny itsy bitsy little bit and she thought she was going to fall over. You really have to look for it, but she was totally hard on herself for it and starts to cry and mom begins to tear up as she tells her not to cry…it’s really adorable. Also, she might not want a kid wound that tightly…it’s just not healthy.
So…crowning! Last time, Mak went home with NOTHING and bawled her eyes out, so Juana is a hot mess of potential barfing during crowning. Kaley and Brooke both win supremes…one for candywear and the other for her photo, Hailey wins mini-supreme and Mak wins grand but not ultimate…I was kind of surprised and wonder if the judges were as swayed as Mak’s entourage. Again, Pageant Director Tonya owes us some scorecards, ahem! Although Tonya was a hoot in her own right – someone give HER a reality show. Now I need MY Ni-Ni…she’d be a hard workin’ lady today, that’s for sure!