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Monday, June 21, 2010
11:00 am
120 Comments
Tagged: brats, fake pageants, kids are stupid, liars, recap, robbery, toddlers and tiaras, trezured dolls, tvgasm
Hey everyone! Welcome back to another edition of Toddlers & Tiaras: Living My Life Through My Daughter. The mayhem of pageant life continues, as does my clear hatred of fatty-fat-fat-fats. We begin with Pageant Director Lisa Fulgham who TLC must have interrupted for her interview while she was cleaning house. Seriously, woman looks like she just rolled out of bed and is waiting for the coffee to brew.
This pageant director will only be paid in cigarettes going forward.
Lisa says she started the pageant “America’s Trezured Dollz” – Jesus Christ – because she thinks all little girls are dolls and they should be treasured. Then she should see them at my local Target on Saturday, because they are brats who should be drowned. Also, that kind of comment makes women seem like Glass-Menagerie fragile, which is really insulting.
She started the “system” as she calls it because they needed one that “took less and gave more to the contestants.” Which is exactly the opposite of what happens here today. In fact, what happens here probably borderlines on robbery. Or is flat-out robbery.
She says that if they win here they can go off to the national pageant which has more than $250,000 in prizes. Okay, I really doubt your pageant, which is in its FIRST YEAR, is a qualifier for a national pageant. In fact, I’m guessing if you have the entrance fee, you’re in the national pageant. She says there’s drama at every pageant. Well, she she’s about to be the drama queen, so she would know.
First up, Germantown, Kentucky, which is just a hop, skip, jump and a couple of civil rights bills away from yours truly. Actually, I’m too lazy to look at a map. Here we meet mom Carrie and her 2-year-old daughter Kennedy, a “pageant princess.” Then she sing-song-y says to Kennedy, “Practice makes perfect” in such a way I want to punch her in the nose.
Kennedy is very cute, but she’s a whiner and doesn’t listen. Carrie tells us that Kennedy has done 80 pageants but this will be their first glitz – so you know she’s going down. She also tells us that Kennedy is good at practicing and is disciplined but editing shows us otherwise, and ends with Kennedy going face-first into the wood frame of their sofa, motionless. Excellent!
If only she had stayed there forever. Kids are stupid.
Next up we’re in Mt. Washington, Kentucky with 6-year-old Chloe and mom Mandy. Chloe is adorable and has been in about 75 pageants where she normally wins ultimate supreme pan pizza. Chloe shows us her favorite bikini and says she likes to show her stomach and shake her butt. Well, you are six, so now’s the time to start practicing your talent routine, “Jailbait.”
In Loganville, Georgia, we meet our freaks of the week. Mom Sabrina butches the English language as she tells us that her daughter Iyana is going to “luxuriate across the stage.” Man, I hate it when people start making up words. Also, she seems to be wearing a track suit (not for anything but TRACK, people) that has pictures of both daughters on it in such a way it looks like she has an extra set of boobs and they are looking RIGHT AT US. Then she snaps her fingers in a way that I don’t think has been done since 1998. Is she going to say “All that and a bag of chips?” She sort of just did.
Iyana is six and this is going to be her second pageant. What that means is clearly she’s a late-comer to the pageant world and will be waaay behind the other girls in terms of polish, and mom is clueless. Sister Kaya is just along for the ride. I guess we know who’s mommy’s favorite.
The family is at a very nice dress shop and the girls begin to run around like, well, children. The dress shop owner is not pleased and is less pleased when Sabrina balks at the price of the dresses (one is $500 – see? Amateur. That’s nothing in pageant terms) and leaves without purchasing any after saying “Hell to the no.” Yes, there’s your pageant mom right there. She won’t be involved in these long.
Whatchewtalkin’boutWillis?
Sabrina calls Iyana “Sybil,” but says, “Not in the crazy way.” Oh, you mean in the talks-to-the-animal kind of way? “She’s sassy.” Yeah, nobody said that about Sybil or any of her personalities. She was crazy and I do believe that was the medical term they used.
Sabrina tells us that for their first pageant she had both girls involved and she used dresses that they had taken on a cruise. Oh, man, you know I’d be stuck next to this family at the captain’s table if I went on a cruise. She says she thought the dresses were pretty fly, but I think we all know cruisewear and pageantwear are two very different things.
Kennedy is at the salon whining, which is typical for a 2-year-old at a salon which is why they shouldn’t be there. Carrie has a “bum hand” and says her aunt is going to do Kennedy’s hair and makeup, and she has absolutely no experience doing either. In fact, the aunt looks like a deer in headlights just talking about doing hair and makeup. This should be good.
The face of fear.
Oh Lord. Sabrina is sporting a different hairstyle/wig and looks like a tornado hit her head and left her with a longer swirl of hair at one side than the other. In order to find a cheaper dress, she said she had to turn into “Snoop Dog McGruff,” which I’m sure McGruff the Crime Dog really appreciated. Then she compares herself to Magnum P.I. as she used her skill, finesse, and prowess to GET ON EBAY AND ORDER A DRESS. Yes, that is one website you’d have to really be a detective to find.
Iyana says, “I WANT TO SHOW THOSE JUDGES HOW PRETTY I AM.” Honey, I’m writing this at 6am to avoid working out. How about showing us your INSIDE VOICE?!?!?
Here’s the weird thing – they keep showing both girls in dresses but then end up only showing Iyana in the pageant. I’m not sure if they ran out of editing time, interest or if bigger Iyana just ended up not competing.
Sabrina shows them how to “luxuriate across the stage” and basically these kids are not going to win. She is not practicing with them, there is no coach and clearly she has no real knowledge of pageants and how to perform. I mean, I don’t compete, I just watch the show, and even I know better. “You look off into the air like I’m so beautiful and y’all are down there,” she tells them. These girls are going down, downtown!
The art of luxuriating takes some mad skillz.
Oh my God, for outfit of choice, she’s purchased…what? What are those? Ginormous “dresses” that basically look like the girls are in huge sacks of tulle and polyester but with wings. They seriously look like she took a couple of her big-ass skirts, cut them, put some elastic on them, and slapped them on her kids. They show absolutely no shape and in fact, make the kids look like oompa-loompa. Why not just stay home instead? It would be cheaper.
Sweet shit, that’s awful.
Sabrina went with a “love theme” for outfit of choice and actually says she went over-the-top and “drag-queen like.” Oh my God, a bunch of Texas pageant mothers just shuddered for reasons unknown. Drag-queen like? You have no clue, do you? These mothers pretend drag queens don’t exist! Also, where is this woman’s husband, I want to see the face of the man that impregnated this woman…twice!
“Let me luxuriate in you right now,” Sabrina says, and English teachers everywhere die just a little….more. She calls people who eat, sleep and dream pageants “pageant buffies.” So what does that make recappers who do the same? Ruffies? Well, sort of. “We gonna tell those buffies, ‘Step aside,’” she says. Unfortunately for Sabrina, those buffies won’t step anywhere except on your asses as they go up for their trophies.
Back with Kennedy, Dad Jordan brings in a package for Kennedy and says he doesn’t understand pageants at all. Get in line. It’s Kennedy’s swimwear and Carrie says they sell the old dresses to buy new ones. Well, that make more sense. They put the swimwear on her and she keeps whining for them to take it off. Must be itchy as hell. Then Carrie introduces us to her less fun kids, two boys who clearly hate pageants and clearly hate the new swimsuit. Itchy and hated. Just like Heidi Montag.
Mommy, this itches like a dirty, dirty girl.
Chloe is over at the salon about to get a facial, which all kids with perfect skin need. She is absolutely and completely afraid and says she doesn’t want to go through with it. She asks what they are going to put on her face and looks scared to death.
Wait, you’re going to put what where?
Poor Chloe holds he mother’s hand like she’s going through her first gyno appointment or something. Seriously, why not just get her a blow-out, hair knows no fear. Speaking of hair, Mandy says she takes pageants seriously but clearly she doesn’t take conditioning to heart.
Oh, honey, and a flat-iron. No, really.
Freakshow! Sabrina is sporting her Dorothy-Wizard-of-Oz hair (how can you be taken seriously?) right now as she discusses spending time with the girls gluing stones to the girls’ dresses to give it that…homey look. Yes, because unleashing little girls with toxic-fumed glue on fancy dresses is a good move. They are going to be a hot mess on that stage. “I’m getting a contact high,” she says about the glue. Security!
“This is my ‘get-my-creative-on’ hair,” she says, mostly to her daughters but then we see her sneak a peek at the camera and we all get it – this is about Sabrina. Sabrina performing, Sabrina pontificating, Sabrina attempting to get her own reality show. Which is coming soon to Fox, no doubt.
Wow, she’s Dorothy and Munchkin all rolled into one. And a little Oompa-Loompa.
Pre-pageant day! Nashville rockz! This pageant suckz! Pageant Director Lisa continues to look like a flu victim as she interviews that the pageant is up for grabs. No shit, Sherlock. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a seasoned veteran or a newcomer, we’re just looking for someone well put-together,” she says. Well, that would give the veterans and edge, don’t you think?
And here we go! Lisa tells us the pageant world can be complicated and we see her taking money from pageant moms – and she’s in the same clothes. Man, that is one lazy bitch. She tells us how much pageants bring in each year then goes on to say how much pageant directors make – $20K per year to a quarter of a million. Tonight, Lisa will be making $15-20K for doing dick then taking off with the loot. So at least we know which box she checks on surveys under “income.”
Mandy is registering and the pageant was advertised as $300, but she’s being charged $375. Turns out the discount doesn’t apply to people who registered early, which makes no freaking sense. Also, did anyone else notice how Lisa just kept her eye on the money, almost salivating as people handed over the cash? And this must be all-cash because no pageant would be stupid enough to take checks and they probably don’t have the clout at this level to get a credit-card machine. Plus, credit card charges can be disputed, RIGHT LISA?
Feed me, Seymour!
Sabrina interviews – sans wig, and now the braids make sense – that the pageant is a huge monstrosity, and she says this over her and her daughters shoving their monstrous mouths full of food. She says the stage is huge, like a runway (it looks like every other stage we’ve ever seen in pageants) but bemoans the fact they didn’t have a chance to practice…as editing shows us because they were too busy eating and drinking from a fountain that looks like white chocolate. Ick.
NO! FEED MEEE, SEYMOUR!
And Sabrina continues to butcher the English language by being upset with her chosen makeup artist and saying she doesn’t like people “stunting.” Stunting is when “you portray yourself as something other than you are but are really not.” It sounds like she said “betray yourself.” Either way, she’s a moron. She also seems to be stunting as a pageant mom.
As we could have expected, Kennedy’s aunt pussed out of attending the pageant because clearly she didn’t want to look like an ass on national TV, and probably because she didn’t want to be around a whiney 2-year old all damn day. She’s turned out to be the smartest of us all.
Chloe’s makeup artist is that Thin-White-Duke David Bowie look-alike Mykel Baca, who I think has been on another episode. I bet he’d be hilarious to go have drinks with – all bitchy like a recapper. He does over-rouge Chloe, but otherwise I thought she looked the most glitzy out of all the others – but they are kind of amateurs.
All I’m saying is bitch looks like he knows how to dish.
So everyone is ready to go…except the pageant staff! Carrie talks to Lisa who looks once again like she just rolled out of bed (stuffed with the last pageant’s take, I’m sure!), and it turns out the pageant is about 20 minutes behind schedule. Kids love that. Then 25 minutes. Then 30 minutes. Dude, what is the problem?
Finally, the emcee begins the damn show! Suddenly, Kennedy notices all the prizes on the table and she goes apeshit about wanting all of them. This greed will come back and bite her in the ass very quickly.
Carrie and Kennedy get onstage and she throws a total and complete fit, pointing and crying, “Mine! Mine!” as she eyes the prizes. Through gritted teeth, Carrie says, “STOP IT SMILE NOW!” but it’s too late. She has a pout, she whines, she looks like she hates life and Carrie drags her offstage and says, “Kennedy did horrible.” She blames the fact that they were running behind for Kennedy’s meltdown, but the problem really is she’s a whiney two year old. Kid WHINES like a mofo.
Healthy!
Chloe walks out looking gorgeous in a red dress and her hair all up, but the cheeks match too closely with the dress. They really should have toned that down, but overall she looks great. Competing against her is Iyana who doesn’t look great. Sabrina is not happy with her hair and makeup and makes sure everyone knows it. “I can’t say what I want to say now,” she says. Because you have too much class to luxuriate us with your complaints?
Sabrina tells Iyana to watch the other girls and do what they do, which is easier said and done. Most of these girls have clearly practiced, they know to go to their Xs, they know to blow kisses and how to hold their hands – this is like poodle-training, not improv, Sabrina. Either prepare your girls or stay home and snack. Man, I could really go for some Doritos.
I’m sorry, do you need to practice or to pee?
Iyana gets onstage and looks cute, but her hands aren’t right, she’s very stiff and she keeps jerking back and forth. Sabrina says the lights on the stage make Iyana nervous. Uh, it’s a stage, that’s kind of the concept. One of the judges says she’s cute but it’s clear she’s still building her confidence, and the judge makes this bouncy movement back and forth like Iyana. Translation: She’s unprepared for a glitz pageant right now.
Sabrina says Iyana did as well as any of the other pageant buffies, which…denial, nice move. The good thing is Sabrina is proud of her daughter and told her so, so she does get points there. Unfortunately, those can’t be counted towards a crown.
Chloe gets onstage and rocks it. She is very polished and clearly has practiced. Give her the crown! And give me that dress!
Pinching is for ladies, rouge is for whores.
Oh good, Kennedy is in itchy swimsuit. This should go well. But wait! The emcee says they are going to take a brief pause so they can let the girls get ready for swimwear. Translation: The pageant director needs a diversion while she peels out of the parking lot with y’alls money, suckas!
Now the pageant is 45 minutes behind schedule. Now 50 minutes. Turns out someone is still getting their hair and makeup done, which we all know that they should have plenty of time for (if the pageant was set up correctly, which it clearly wasn’t), and if they are late, points off. Carrie is pissed because itchy swimsuit is itchy and if she knew they had to wait for someone else’s whiney kid, she wouldn’t have put that nasty thing on her kid so quickly.
Now it’s one hour behind. The emcee says she wishes she could entertain people, but she’s not an entertainer, singer, or great with standup comedy. She’s not great with commentary, either. She laughs, but no one laughs with her. Because they all want to eat her liver.
One hour five minutes behind schedule. Carrie yells at Lisa about how her two-year-old is really aggravated (passive aggressive, you both are!) and Lisa interviews that pageants can bring out the nasty in people. So can waiting more than an hour with whiney kids you dumb bitch! Get on schedule!
“These people drive me f#cking crazy,” she says. Wow, if we hadn’t seen the red flags up to now, one has now poked us in the eyes. You probably should consider another career. Have you thought about grifting?
One hour and 20 minutes behind. Carrie is less than impressed with the pageant because of “the way it’s being ran.” Oh, Kentucky schools, I weep for your wards. One hour thirty minutes behind and they are ready to go. What the hell was the hold up? Was it really someone getting ready? They never actually tell us.
Kennedy is ready to get onstage and she continues to whine. She’s cute, but was this really worth the money and effort? Let me answer for you – no. She still doesn’t do well. Money? Flushed.
Iyana gets onstage and doesn’t really have a routine. She walks to one X, jiggles around, walks to the next X, jiggles, walks to the final X and wails around like she’s on meth. Sabrina says, “I guess she thought it was over…she did it in a drive-by fashion.” Yes, because you didn’t tell her what she was supposed to do, you didn’t have a coach train her and you didn’t practice. So of course she effed up!
Chloe gets onstage and shakes it like she means it – because she really does. Judge Big Poppa – no, I’m not kidding, that’s his name on the show – says that Chloe really does it for him because she knows her points and her steps, “and she’s very well-groomed at her age.” Do you think people with kids get that special email from the Sexual Predators Division of their local police station when Big Poppa moves to their neighborhood? Because I’m thinking yes. Run, Chloe, run!
Just keep 1000 feet away from schools and be sure to send the police your address when you move.
Next? Outfit of (mother’s) choice. Mykel interviews the pageant was going nuts and they didn’t have a realistic schedule together, which leads me to believe that they were running behind because they didn’t leave enough time between events for the girls to get ready. Mykel wouldn’t lie to us, would he?
Two hours 10 minutes behind schedule. The kids are starting to run down and get cranky. Mandy says the pageant is a mess. They are now 2 hours and 20 minutes behind schedule and they are back in action! That poor emcee, does she get time and a half for this?
Kennedy does her home alone face, shakes her head, does kissy fingers KISSY FINGERS! hisses Carrie and finally mom is proud. Now let her nap, we all need a break from that kid.
Oh good, it’s time for Toddlers & Trannies, Iyana. I wish they would have shown the faces of the judges and audience when she got onstage in that monstrosity. Sabrina says seeing Iyana on stage was like Christmas. Well, it did look like a wrapping paper tornado, that’s for damn sure. Once again, Iyana just jiggles back and forth instead of doing a walk like she’s supposed to. Sabrina really has no clue. “I was fighting back tears because of how she luxuriated across the stage.” Kill. Me. Now.
Luxuriating in tandem with mom! Now that’s talent!
Chloe has the coolest 60s outfit is blue and turquoise and go-go boots, but she almost fell backwards at one point because she’s just lost her spark and she’s freakin’ tired. But Mandy is still confident Chloe is going to win.
This would totally sell at Target. I know, because I would buy it!
Kennedy is zonked out. Sabrina calls the pageant a hot mess. Carrie says the pageant was supposed to be done at 2:30 but it’s 5 and they still haven’t crowned anyone. Everyone must be just wiped. I know I am.
Finally some peace and quiet!
Crowning! Two-year-olds first. If Kennedy gets anything, I will spit. First Alternate…Kennedy. CHWA-TOOEY! While I wipe my computer down, Carrie bitches that there were supposed to be category winners – swimwear, outfit of choice, glitz photos – but none of that happened. Aren’t they behind enough? I mean, don’t you just want to Grand Slam it at Denny’s and go to bed?
Way to hide your disdain and hatred of the other 2-year-old.
Mandy interviews that it turns out the director left and when Carrie asks one of the judges where Lisa is, the judge says that is what they were trying to find out. I’m going to say she’s about two hours out on her way to Mexico. Mykel says that Lisa skipped out without paying her bill and without providing cash money to the winners. Duh, what conference center puts on an event without some kind of deposit or way to kill the person who leaves without paying?
You know we can see you, right?
Mandy says there was a letter the director gave everyone a letter saying the prizes that were supposed to be awarded would be sent to everyone within 2 weeks. Lisa is shown giving people a stack of letters that she probably wrote last week when she cooked this all up, and she still looks like showering was not on her schedule.
Lisa Fulgham cheating people out of money. Get a good look at this face, you’ll probably see her on America’s Most Wanted.
An “Angry Pageant Mom” says there’s no way in hell they are seeing that money and Iyana says, “Give me the crown, witch!” Uh, you’re wearing one. Did you steal it or buy it? Because you sure as shit didn’t earn it.
Six year old crowd…all the girls walk onstage professionally, stand with one toe out, poised and polished. And Iyana comes charging up like it’s lunchtime and she wants to be the first in line. Don’t get me wrong, kid has zazz (oh, I said it), but she is not pageant material at this time. Get thee to a coach, witch!
Second alternate…Iyana. That’s second loser, right? Oh well. Like I said, she’s cute. “I luxuriated across the stage,” she says. Oh, man, take that damn thing off her RIGHT NOW! Sabrina says, “That’s one thing below the queen.” No, I think second alternate is queen only if the queen drops dead and the first alternate gets caught in a sex scandal with Big Poppa. So that’s TWO below.
Queen? Not Chloe, which means she’s off to the next level. YAY!
Mini Supreme Pan Pizza with Anchovies this time…Chloe! YAY! Enjoy your I.O.U. Mandy says she feels scammed with this because Chloe was supposed to get $250. Angry Pageant Mom says the director Lisa collected somewhere between $15,000 and $20,000 and she walked with the money. Mykel says she stole not from parents, but from little girls. Aren’t all pageant highway robbery?
F#ck this noise, I’m calling the fuzz for my $250.
I looked online and couldn’t find anything other than Lisa having a lot of different aliases (go figure) and that pageant rip-offs are rampant. The show’s ending has a note that 3 months after the pageant, Chloe never got her $250 – that would buy Lisa Fulgham a lot of meth, wouldn’t it? Anyhoo, it also had a note that no one could track down Lisa anywhere – probably because that’s not her real name. Well, enjoy hell, Lisa Fulgham, you were certainly be burning in it.
Next week? Some kid falls off the back of the stage during a routine, I cannot wait! I will absolutely luxuriate in his misery.
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120 Comments
DearCrabby, lest you forget that Sabrina entered her daughters in the pageant to prove “black is beautiful” A regular Rosa Parks this one. She should have bought a decent set of teeth on Ebay, every time she smiled I felt like kicking a field goal.
Hey, I kinda loved Sabrina and her daughter “luxuriating across the stage.”
Also, re: the pageant director…I think she was saying you could win money off of the entrance fee to the national pageant, not that winning this pageant qualified you for the larger one. So you win a discount to a pageant that could win you even more money. Or something. Man, $375 seems like a damn lot o’ money for this crap.
Well poodle perm had no qualms about paying a 300.00 entrance fee for a pageant where the grand prize was 250. Why not just put the 375.00 she ended up paying in a “therapy jar” for her daughter or getting it all in singles so she will have change for the men who come to watch her kid shake her butt in about 5 years.
Also Sabrina looked like Biz Markie with that Swiss Miss wig on
WHO IS THIS BITCH THAT IS WRITING THIS SHIT? FIRST OF ALL YOU DON’T KNOW ME! AND AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED….YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK! IT IS AMAZING WHO MUCH SHIT YOU CAN’T TALK OVER THE WEB..BIT I KNOW THAT YOU ARE A PUNK ASS BITCH TO ONLY BASH ME ON THE INTERNET. AS FOR THE WORD LUXURIATE…IT IS A WORD! STUPID BITCH! http://www.freedicyionary.com. I TELL YOU WHAT I’M GLAD THAT YOU ARE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT MY LOOKS…APPARENTLY, I LIVE IN A NICE HOUSE AND OUR QUALITY OF LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MISSING TEETH. I LOVE BOTH OF MY DAUGHTERS AND IT WAS THE SHOW THAT EDITED IT. I DON’T HAVE A FAVORITE. FAYA, I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO KICK A FIELD GOAL…AS A MATTER OF FACT, I’LL GIVE YOU MY ADDRESS AND PAY YOUR WAY HERE TO DOIT! YOU FUCKIN C**T! MY HUSBAND WAS IN THE AUDIENCE AND @ LEAST I HAVE ONE..CAN’T SAY THE SAME ABOUT YOU. ALL YOU PEOPLE CAN DO IS SIT AROUND AND TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE..NO WONDER THAT THIS WORLD IS SO FUCKED UP!
YOU SHOULD REALLY GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT. THE GRAND PRIZE WAS SUPPOSED TO $1,000! DID YOU MISS THE PART THE DIRECTOR SKIPPED OUT? THE ONLY MEN THAT WERE THERE…WERE THERE WITH THEIR OWN PAGEANT DAUGHTERS. ALL I GOT TO SAY IS” YOU BETTER BE GLAD YOU CAN HIDE YOUR IDENTITY. I WOULD DEFINATELY SHOW UP TO PERSONALLY KICK A FIELD GOAL IN YOUR ASS”
AS FOR THE HO…I’M SORRY( CORRECT WORDING) WHORE, YOU REPORTING ON THINGS IN WHICH YOU DO NOT HAVE ALL THE FACTS. MY DAUGHTERS WILL BE IN PAGEANT AS LONG AS I WANT THEM IN PAGEANTS. YOU OR NO ONE ELSE DETERMINES THAT. FOR WHO EVER WANTED TO SEE WHO EMPREGNATED ME …TWICE, WATCH THE SHOW. PS, BUY ME SOME MORE HAIR YOU LONELY BITCH!
YOU KNOW WHAT? THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT I LOVE BOTH OF DAUGHTERS. AND NOTHING THAT ANY OF SAY SHOULD MATTER. I HAD FUN, I WAS MYSELF, AND STARTING OUT YOU MAKE MISTAKES. SO WHAT I LEARN. I WAS ORIGINALLY UPSET BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE SPENT SOOOOO MUCH TIME OUT OF THEIR BUSY DAY TO INSULT ME……KEEP IT COMING! MAYBE YOU GUYS COULD HELP WITH ME GETTING MY OWN REALITY SHOW! MAYBE THEY CAN CALL IT BIG FAT PAGEANT MOM! BY THE WAY… I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THE OTHER PAGEANT MOMS. I DON’T WANT TO WALK AROUND WITH A STICK ON MY ASS THINKING THAT YOU’RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE.PEOPLE THAT MAKES PAGEANTS THEIR LIVES IS BECAUSE THEY DO HAVE ONE. I DON’T LIVE THRUOGH MY DAUGHTERS…. I LIVE FOR THEM. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK GUYS! HELP THE KENT FAMILY GET THEIR OWN REALITY SHOW! THIS WILL HELP FUND OUR DAUGHTERS COLLEGE.
Hilarious! But the picture of Mykel Baca looks like a blonde Adam Sandler.
I am curious though…what exactly do you suppose Sabrina believes “luxuriating” is?
Luxuriate – from the Latin word FOOL. To luxuriate is to have the spotlight all to yourself only to realize there is a stain on the front of your pants and no one loves you enough to tell you it’s there before you hit the stage.
OMG FAYE! YOU SOUND LIKE SUCH A HATER! I KNOW WHAT I MEANT BUT I LEFT THE WEB ADDRESS. OH THE STAIN IS FROM WHITE & MILK CHOCOLTE. I WAS GOOD AS FUCK! YEAH!
Let the games begin! Another parent takes it hook, line and sinker!
Really Sabrina…or just some crazy troll looking to stir up a good squabble? Or perhaps the second description applies to the first person mentioned. Hmmmm….
If it is Sabrina, why the weird wigs? Also, stop typing all in caps, please.
Cattyfan, for you I will! I type to slow. i like different looks.Are you a hairdresser? I would like a new one. i’m not trying to stir up shit. I was responding to all of the rude comments. Aren’t we suppose to teach our children everyone is equal and beautiful in their own unique way. Where I live there are so many fake people that you rarely meet any that are real. They are only interested in stuntin in or to get a rich man, money, and fame. In Atlanta, full of fake here.
Sabrina…no luck on the hairdresser. My hair…looks awful LOL As for what to teach our children…yes, by all means, teach them that they are beautiful. And that it doesn’t take glitz, sequins, and lots of make-up to BE beautiful.
The equality lesson is a little different. We ARE all equal in the eyes of the law, and under the Bill Of Rights…but we are not all equal in who and what we are. Some are smarter…some are thinner…some start with more advantages in life. And we aren’t entitled to those advantages. Everyone has to work for their success, and some may have to work harder.
I’m glad you want to give your girls a positive experience, and DearCrabby did point out you are among the short list of parents who was positive in how they spoke to their children.
Thank you for turning off the caps button
Sabrina, Sabrina, Sabrina, you are the classic example of the joke that just writes itself. You are more concerned with your daughter in a beauty pageant than your dental hygiene and overall health as witnessed by your body obviously courtesy of 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. But alas, I am not done. If you come on television and make a luxuriating spectacle of yourself, I feel it is my duty as a recap reader to make judgments based on your appearance. It’s the price of fame Mz. Markie. But for the sake of everyone here and your caps lock key, I will no longer engage in a battle of wits with a person who owns no weapons.
Faya, its funny!. I don’t eat all the time…it just looks like I do. I never lost the baby weight after being pregnant back to back. I feel it is also your duty be a human being. Your right, I am more concerned about daughters because of people like you. Being thin doesn’t mean that you are healthy either. It is what people like you think is perfect. Its funny while i’m enjoying a hobby with my daughters…you are so obsessed about my looks. Did it ever occur to you that i was involved in a wreck? That wreck left 5 people dead and I am glad I was able to walk away from it just missing a few teeth. The driver’s mother covered for her daught by painting and hiding the car. http://www.ajc.com. I hope that you are aware that beauty fades my dear, I guess that doesn’t matter to you…being shallow and all. What i’m thankful for is that my daughters have the oppotunity to dodge the bullets that i had to endure because i was not born into beauty. I didn’t have the support that i’m trying to give my daughters. I’m glad my daughter are in pageants. I hope it builds their confidence. My name is Mrs Kent, as a lady.. I wish to be addressed as that. Your comments show me how ugly you are.Beauty fades, But i guess we don’t know what you look like because you hide behind your words. One more thing…I do have a weapon. I have God in my life. Aparently the only one I need. Peace be onto you.
Oh! you looked up luxuriate huh? I don’t mind clarifying things in my life. i have experienced a lot and I feel blessed that I am alive to speak and share about it. I’ve been beat, shot, and stabbed all because how I looked. There was a man in my life that almost left me for dead because he took advantage of how I felt about myself and about how I looked. I NEVER want my daughter’s to experience that. I can truely say I live for my children…cheering them all the way! I don’t want them to be like me…I want them to be better than me. The simple fact is…we are judged by our cover, hopefully my daughters will soon grow up in a world when being shallow is no longer a factor.
but if beauty fades, why not put your children into a sport, or a dance class, or a reading group. take them to the library, or do arts and crafts? I can understand that these things can be hurtful but when you voluntarily involve your self firstly in something called a “beauty pageant” and then a reality TV show (which is known for portraying its subjects in an unflattering way) you have to expect that. you put yourself and your children out for public consumption, what else could be expected?
Ah, religion, the last refuge of someone who can no longer debate intelligently. What does your God think of the filthy, filthy language you used on this site? You don’t kiss your daughters with that mouth, do you? How about printing off your comments and giving it to the church for their newsletter?
Also, two words: Spell check.
I choose not to live my life through my kids. Their life is their own. I’m just here to ensure that they have a good one. As a parent, you always strive to enhance your kids life . I’m working towards making sure that my daughters get all of the advantages that I can afford them. To help them be successful. It’s funny even though many others clown me about my looks….in both of my daughter’s eyes I am beauty and they love me. I’m thankful for that…the HELL with everyone else.
but that isnt answering any questions posed so far. How are pageants enhancing your kids lives? Does it make them healthier? Smarter? Better socialized? What? For something that costs stupid amounts of money and will only have them measuring themselves as more or less pretty than a bunch of other girls, how is this the best thing you can do for your kids? It just seems…sad… to me. If you always got judged for how you look, why would you put your kids in that situation? Why not teach them to be themselves, and love who ever that person is?
dearcrabby, if at all possible, I love you even more. I really wish people would read the Bible before they thump it. It’s funny how people parade their children in little but bedazzled material to be judged and then claim it’s wrong to make assumptions based on looks. The irony, self pity, contradictions, and pathetic pleas for sympathy do little to melt my cold frozen heart. If you have been through so much in life and are such a living testimony, there are positive things you can be doing for your community and the Church of Curse and Scream. Instead, you spend your time, energy, and money on wigs and pageants. Good for you, you are the better person.
My daughter are involved in many things. They are both on soccer teams, cheerleading, etc. The show doesn’t show that. My oldest daughter started questioning her looks and thinking she would look better if she were white. To be honest.. I seen the show during a Universal Royalty pageant and my daughters expressed an interest. I had no idea the show was like that!. I just thought that the moms were crazy and trippin. I didn’t blame the show…I thought it was the parents. I thought them being featured on tv would lead to modeling. I also thought it would be cool. I heard that most pageants are scholorship based and I thought the experience would give them confidence. Other than episodes in Texas..I have never saw the show. I felt that the parents portrayed themselves the way they truely were.We go to the library 3 times a week. I try to help my kids be in contact with other kids especially since my family has never been that supportive in my life. All my family lives in Florida,. I live in Georgia. My kids are not treated like the others in my family because of favoritism..so I admit I sometimes over compensate for that. That I admit i’m truely guilty of.
I sorry , I’ve never claimed to be a saint….but it doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in the Trinity. I don’t have a denomination. I know I curse like a sailor. Besides there are so many things occuring in church…I don’t that they can afford to point a finger. I don’t fall on religion as an escape. I know what I believe in God . That is the only person I will have to answer to.
What does any of that have to do with pageants? And, I’m sorry, but the scholarship thing is bullshit! It costs so much money, money which would be better put in a savings account. And a scholarship can’t get the grades to actually get into a school. As for the leading to modelling, that’s even worse! You keep saying its for your kids, but these decisions seem to be more about you getting attention, money, or proving something about your own appearance.
Your God? Last time I checked..there is only one God. What’s to debate it is what it is. I have a mac. I haven’t figured out how to do spell check. How do you do that?
Dear Crabby, We love you! We wait for your column every week. Please keep it up. You forgot to mention that someone said, “These girls have been doing these pageants since they were in the womb.” Did they put paperdoll clothes on the ultrasound pix or what? You’re awesome, Dear Crabby. Keep it up!
I can count on NO FINGERS all the women who have gotten into Harvard because they look good in a bikini. You were just Kayne Westing me about getting your own reality show and now it’s scholarships and confidence. I liked you more when you were mad and honest because contrite B.S. is not a good look on anybody..inside or out.
Sabrina….I personally loved you on the show. I thought you were hilarious with your girls. You were real and not into all the pageant-ness, yes I made up that word. you cracked me up. If you do some searching around the internet you will see mostly good things posted about you. People loved you, and appreciated your non-fake-ness (yep, another made up word by me) I thought you were the best mom on the show to date! I’m glad they choose to show another side to pageant moms. I personally would love to watch you on a reality show!
here’s another comment from another message board. The “sleaze” was in reference to the director who made off with the money.
“Yes, this woman was a sleaze, but Iyana’s mother was the bomb. I forget her name, but I want to be her BFF so we can luxuriate together. We’ll fight those buffys together!”
and this one…
I loved the mom of the two black girls. She was teaching the girls the art of bargain hunting and DIY. They seemed to have one of the most functional mom-daughter relationships I’ve ever seen on that show. Bravo to her.
Sabrina, Dear Crabby sits on HER fat heiney, watches T&T and it takes her a week to come up with witty banter that really isn’t one damn bit funny. Dear Crabby must not be a parent, or else she would realize that parents want better for their children than what they had, so yes, living FOR your children is not a bad thing.
I’m sorry your parents didn’t love you, Crabby.
Faye, You are a cold, heartless bitch! Makes me wonder????How do you know what I do. No sympathy…just true. You really come as angry. It has been my daughters have become more socialized. This was the first glitz pageant. The pageants they were in natural in which they won bonds and scholorships. Their teachers espressed to me that their confidence in what they do and they have better social skills when it came to enter acting with other children. Its funny, when I put the cheerleading…I was breeding them to be future whores, when I put the in soccer…they were future butches. Does it really ever end? I think pageants have enhanced their lives. So far they both have their own bank accounts with their winnings. They are not afraid of being themselves. Most of all..it brought us closer together to have mother/daughter time. My daughters are 6 & 7…Don’t you think that is late for the pageant game? I entered them because of a pageant I went to with a friend and they said they wanted to do that. I didn’nt feel it would hurt anybody…so I did.
I wondered what you’d think of Sabrina-from-the-show, DearCrabby. I see that someone is posting on multiple message boards claiming to be her, but I don’t think it is. Sabrina-from-the-show seemed, at least to me, like she not only got the joke, but she was going to play her own and get whatever money TLC pays for people to do this show. This lady seems clueless in a not funny way. I think it’s Lisa, the pageant director, trying to keep the web discussion off of her and her fraud. A pageant mom writing that people should suck on any of her body parts, especially ones she shouldn’t have considering she’s given birth, is a great distraction, right? Or maybe I’m just giving both women too much credit.
but that got boring so I did some digging and found the pageant’s (or should I write, pageant’z) website is down, but another America’s Trezured Dollz pageant is set for Kentucky in October. I wish I lived closer just to see if anyone other than the police (polize) shows up.
Since no one I know watches this show I had to discuss it with only myself (like Sybil, but not in a crazy way
Methinks Methinks is Sabrina’s bff.
Living for your children, fine. Living through your children, bad.
If you don’t like what Dear Crabby has to say. Don’t read it. And it is funny or people wouldn’t read it.
It was asked how I felt these pageants were positive for my daughters…not me. The me portion stated since i was being ripped, why not benefit my daughters. get that right! I have no reason to lie. Who the fuck are you anyway to lie to anyway? I don’t work in serving bullshit. The worst thing about this last experience is the director stealing from my kids as well as the others. We are all guilty of trying to conform into possible standards. For example, always looking your best, best this, best that, dieting, dress to impress, and so on… I don’t know about you but I don’t invest in pageants like others do. My daughters and I sold raffle tickets, koo-aid, freeze pops to generate money for the pageants. They have won bonds in which I have for them. I’m not like the other pageant moms.You got me confused with someone else!
RiverTam, you are smokin’ in the brains department. Wow. I never would have thought of that! And Methinks, who obviously doesn’t, why are you reading this blog? It’s really a choice you made, isn’t it? Or did someone kidnap you, tie you to a chair, and make you read a blog that is obviously going to make fun of this show? Girl, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack with feelings like that. Skip optional activities that make you rabid. You will live longer and be happier.
Love ya’ crabby!
Damn DearCrabby, you made me blow boogers AGAIN! And rightfully so! I love your work. Don’t let ‘em get you down, girl, I know you call ‘em like you see ‘em. This is the nature of reality TV. It makes me sad, though, that these days some people actually think of “getting a reality show” as something to ASPIRE to… being on TV doesn’t make anybody smarter or more useful, it just makes them more exposed. Then again, it makes me happy, too, because it’s all so entertaining.
love, J-Mo
There is no such thing of being yourself in the real world. Every aspect of your life is judged.You cannot do ANYTHING without being chopped and screwed.For example, Gabby s, that played precious, she was “being herself” and the public ripped on her about her weight. It is my experience no matter what you do…you are gonna get talked about. I do what I can to keep my daughters grounded. But let’s be real…if I let them go to school the way they wanted to….DCFS would be called on me. So I do what I can. I’m glad i’m not a whore, addict, or an alcoholic. I’m just proud to be a mom. So many don’t have that opportunity and I know that it is truely a blessing.
I actually have a very sweet hiney. It’s my poochie belly that requires all the Tony Horton action.
Oh, and Methinks (do you?)- I HATE KIDS. You couldn’t pay enough to have one of those crying pooping shackles around my ankles! That is why I have time to make fun of everybody else’s. My disdain for children is palpable in everything I write and how clean I’m able to keep my house. Don’t make me whip out the DOYEEE on you.
You were making fun? There goes my dissertation. I can’t believe there is writing, on the INTERNET no less, that I can’t trust as a straightforward commentary on our world. I guess I’ll have to stick with Wikipedia.
Hi bakerville and methinks! thank you for the positive feedback. Crabby, do you really hate kids because you think they’re messy? My house stays cleaner than most. I didn’t do it just for the show because if you pay attention..there are things on the floor. I don’t think you hate kids.. I just think its your choice not to have them.
RiverTam, I got the joke. I thought what some pageant moms do was ridiculous and I was the opposite. It is me Sabrina, and you are right the focus should be on that trick-ass bitch that scammed everyone. I thought I was being myself on the show…but when all the slams start coming in…it was a little hard to deal with. I can deal with what they say about me..I heard it all my life. But when you attack my children….that is another story. I wish, i know if this was a live, in person forum…it would be on in poppin!
How did you stumble upon this recap, ’cause the only way I can think of is that you were googling yourself (or something similiar). You were a relatively good mom, by T&T standards. But to search out your own press, on a comedy website no less, and to freak out when it’s less than flattering is a little immature. and no one has said anything negative about your children, not in the article, or in the comments. Again, I ask what you expected from putting your self and your kids on reality TV? A medal?
well guys! it was real! gotta go cook for the fam. Someone stated before where was he? he was the broke version of ice-t sitting in the gallery.There’s nothing wrong with spitting the truth…It just some comments were uncalled for especially on a uneven playing field. What I mean is…The show edited alot . I don’t think that it was fair of you to makes such extreme comments based on showed that was clearly edited. That is one of the reasons that everytime you saw me…I had on a different wig. Didn’t you all notice some scenes didn’t quite add up? Why didn’t you clown how they started out taping two black girls, then other drifted to the back ground. Both of my daughters were supposed to be featured on the show…Like they do with the white girls. T&T assured me that it would be that way. I treat my children the same and I did not want it to be one over the other. That’s fucked up!
So crabby when you said that about my daughter along for the ride…that was fucked up.I would never pit one child over the other. I don’t have a favorite and you implied that I cared for own child over the other and that not right. Say whatever about me…but you didn’t have to ride out in regards to my kids. That was truely fucked up!
Remember last year when Crabby got her ass handed to her by some woman? LOL
Ummm… Wow. Aside from being funny, I thought this recap was pretty tame in the hate department. I don’t watch the show because unlike crabby, I happen to adore children and ninety percent of the parents I see fill me with a deep and primal need to call in child protective services. I have no idea if the parent in question was any better or worse than the rest of these pageant moms, but thinking you got royally screwed because some internet bloggers mocked your tv appearance is kinda lame by definition. We mock everyone on here. This isn’t happy sunshine tv prozac hour. It’s a satire site. If you can’t handle people judging you based on an edited television show, then maybe you shouldn’t be putting yourself out there on the airwaves for public mockery.
If I wanted to participate in an open lively debate on the merits of raising children, perhaps a comedy website would be number 87 on my list of 100. It is supposed to be satire, make fun, etc. I find it hard to believe that you never laugh at nasty comments directed at others; it’s what keeps me from getting botox. I also do not remember typing or saying one negative word about those children. If I had to say something positive, it would be that they were in fact adorable in spite of (fill in the blanks here). If you are so interested in their education and well being perhaps instead of responding to message board posts you should be working with your daughter so the next time she appears on the television they do not have to subtitle what is supposed to be English. Keep up the good work dearcrabby, those of us with the common sense God gave a bag of rusty nails are behind you 100% and the others are busy sniffing the left over glue from their outfit of choice.
“Remember last year when Crabby got her ass handed to her by some woman? LOL”
No I don’t.But then again I didn’t waste a year of my life thinking about whether someone got their ass handed to them or not.See how that works?
fucking wierdo…
Robin
Dear Crabby:
This is the best recap ever!! I can’t stop laughing, sorry I mean luxuriating.
While reading Sabrina’s thesis, or dissertation I was reminded of the previous nut jobs namely, Jamie Sterling whose husband got after you about how his wife doesn’t treat one daughter better than the other. Remember dear little Ashlynn? I would have adopted her if I could.
Anyway, Sabrina’s luxuriating of the English language aside, I wondered how long before someone gets the mocharging runs. Unlike the rest of the time when these women pay $300 plus expenses, travel, hotels, meals and might receive a trophy and/or tiara that they buy in bulk for about $5 each.
Why oh why don’t they just put the money towards college, buy the kids some books, take them to the library or a family trip to Mt. Rushmore? Any of those choices would be a lifetime of memories and education. They need to learn that brains and inner beauty will make you happy forever, luxuriating and butt shaking only gets you on the main stage at Scores.
“Both of my daughters were supposed to be featured on the show…Like they do with the white girls”
Geesh.
In deference to your children and/or in case you aren’t the Mom,I will decline to write what I think you are in case your kids google your name in the future and the word is associated with you.Then again,they will probably already know and hopefully won’t follow suit.
Robin
Sabrena, the black bitch from hell, has a dick?? Ewww.
This is the funniest comment thread I have ever read on tvgasm. Please, keep it up, the ache in my sides is beginning to cease.
You know, they ought to put a little popup warning for TVGasm, like they age thing they do for porn sites. Something along the lines of : “If you are on a reality tv show, do not enter.”
That will spare the rest of these endless rants of runon sentences with no paragraphs. Nice that she turned off the all caps.
What I don’t get is that if you are putting your children in a pageant to build their confidence, wouldn’t you take the time to prepare them for the experience? Because if you don’t, aren’t you really just setting them up for humilation? And last time I checked, humiliation doesn’t build confidence.
This wasn’t a black/white issue regardless of how badly Sabrina would like it to be.
georgiababe, if you think this is funny, check out a T&T from a couple of season ago called “The Crazy is So, So Satisfying” at http://www.tvgasm.com/recaps/toddlers_and_ti/toddlers_tiaras_14/ – it is always awesome when a parent gets involved, makes the comment section very lively!
omg so awesome. sabrina i thought your kid was funny and adorable, she should do a better hobby than pageantry!
just wanted to chime in and say that this episode reminded me of the end of Drop Dead Gorgeous, when the girls get to the Nationals only to find out the cosmetics company has been out of business for years, and they trash the place.
Thanks so much for the link Crabby! What an awesome read! Some people are just delusional, aren’t they?
Wow, to the comments. DearCrabby while I don’t watch the show, I read your recaps. I find them to be hilarious!!! I did notice this year the snark is toned down. The snarkier(yes I know I made this word up) the better.
Main Entry: lux·u·ri·ate
Pronunciation: \-ē-ˌāt\
Function: intransitive verb
Inflected Form(s): lux·u·ri·at·ed; lux·u·ri·at·ing
Etymology: Latin luxuriatus, past participle of luxuriare, from luxuria
Date: 1604
1 a : to grow profusely : thrive b : to develop extensively
2 : to indulge oneself luxuriously : revel
Thank you! This, was soooo worth the entrance fee, even if it did take me over 24 hours to read the entire recap. The site would crash everytime I got to page 4. I am considering sending Flipit a strongly worded email. Perhaps Sabrina will write it for me. That’ll show him.
Silly me, I thought the Hillbilly Hijinks from last week was the funniest to date. I’m salivating pondering what is still in store for us. Love you Crabby. I trayzure your recaps.
Sabrina-on-the-web – of course you are you. Who else could you be but you? The question isn’t if you are you, the question is if you are the you that you are claiming to be. Of course, being the internet, no one but you will ever know if you are the you you claim.
Just like while I am me, the me I am isn’t really River Tam. While I know you and everyone else who is as cool as me thinks I’m an awesome future girl who can kill people with my brain and wield a mean battle axe, in reality there are no televisions on Serenity, and more importantly, River Tam is fictional. AND YET, I am still me. See the point?
So while you are you and I am me, there is no way to knowing who the you you are is. The hint of the man part you wrote about earlier though still makes me think you are that Lisa person.
Took me forever to get through this recap…I was laughing so hard that tears were running down my eyes. Thank you for watching so i do not have to!
Apparently Biggie Smalls has been luxuriating herself all over the Internet responding to message board posts. I assume she thought she was going to be a sensation and everyone would be singing her praises and she would be famous. She would not dare admit it now that her ass has been handed back to her. And for her to bring out ye old tired black and white issue was her saddest argument seeing that she herself is a walking billboard of every single negative stereotype that exist in regards to black women.
@Faye…20 points for Biggie Smalls, on the first pic of her in the recap made me think of Biggie in a wig. BTW Sabrina if you’re still trolling the site, why oh why did you appear on national television in the Dorothy wig?
There is always a clue in the spelling. For example, if the pageant is “America’s Trezured Dollz”, run like the wind, put your hands over your daughters Earz, and whatever you do, do not look back.
This pageant makes Michael Galanes, of the ever creepier “Little Miss Perfect” seem like Mr Rogers. Stealing from the Moms is a crime, but seriously pageants are an enormous waste of money. If you add the entry fee, costumes, travel expenses, makeup, hair, wigs, flippers (false teeth)’ coaches, professional portraits, etc, you will never see more than a partial return on your money. Most of these women look and dress as though they can’t really afford all of these fees. It would be better if they just put their money in a poker machine and hope for the best.
The only child I’ve ever seen on one of these shows, who clearly wanted to do pageants was a cutie from South Carolina who did her own choreography, loved rehearsals and really was excited to do the pageant. Maybe if more kids were as excited and happy as Jordan Adcox, these shows wouldn’t be so disturbing to watch.
TVannie
I feel the need to sand up for my Crabby dearest. She works so hard to give us these lovely recaps each week, and no one seems to appreciate her hard work. I mean, seriously, the only reason any normal person watches this show is to further enhance Crabby’s recap. To “Sabrina”:
a)Pulling the race card really doesn’t help you, it just makes you look like an ass (although I guess you’re pretty good at that without a race card).
b)If you want people to take you seriously, proper spelling and grammar aren’t a bad idea. (Since you seem to enjoy making excuses, if you finished the sixth grade, spelling and grammar should no longer be an issue)
c) Your bi-polar mood swings and swearing do nothing to help you out.
d) I really hope that you do not have a dick.
e)The whole point of a pageant is to be better than everyone else.
f)Two pregnancies do not cause that much weight gain. Nice try, thanks for playing. (P.S.- leave the back-to-back pregnancies to the Duggars)
g) None of your links work.
h) “Besides there are so many things occuring in church…I don’t that they can afford to point a finger.” If you are referring to the scandals with catholic priests abusing kids, you realize that scant few catholic churches with those issues do not represent all catholics, much less the dozens of other types of christianity.
i) “Last time I checked..there is only one God. What’s to debate it is what it is.” Wow. Just wow. You know there are other religions besides christianity, right? And that they may believe in different things than you?
j) Spell check is automatic on macs. Did you try looking at the screen?
Would you like me to continue? It’s summer vacation and I can go at this all day.
Oh, Christmas just came early. I wish at least one person from every show that got recapped would join in the comment section. It would be a little slice of Heaven. Maybe the ‘gasm folks could figure out a way to automatically put in the phrase “it’s all in the editing”.
Awesome recap DearCrabby can’t wait till next week’s show (come on, a kid falls what’s not to love?). Thanks for all the hard snarky work.
Wow, thanks for the link Crabby, that was great, I don’t know how I missed those comments last season! Boy, your recaps sure attract the crazy don’t they?
Ah well, I like them anyway, please keep up the snark!
I realize you hate kids. however two years olds are SUPPOSED to act that way. She’s TWO. That is what they are like at that age. They don’t have the attention span for much, they hate to do anything you tell them and that is just the way it is. Kids that age should not be in pageants. WHen you put a kid on stage in plain site of toys at this age, they are not going to do what you want because they want the damn toy.
If you say so Nancy, both of mine when they were 2 knew what was theirs and what wasn’t. They also knew what lips together and be quiet meant. I never believed in that my child is my friend thing……discipline first.
I do agree with Nancy on one point – “Kids that age should not be in pageants” Never a truer word has been spoken. I actually did not think, considering the circumstances, Kennedy did that bad. I mean she behaved as well as any other child would when their parents arrange for them to get a job as a side show freak. I assume Biggie Smalls and her tuck game has gone off into the great beyond.
The great beyond, or to the auditions for the next season of Drag U.
Is there anyway to get TLC to forward the recaps to the families? Because judging by this and the link from last year, it is AWESOME when they show up!
I seriously doubt your two year old knew that. And even if they did, that is not the point. The mom kept teling her she could have one of the toys if she did well. So what did you expect of the kid? A child’s favorite word at that age is “Mine”. trust me! I have been around many two year olds. And I have yet to meet one who would not take another child’s toy when they had the chance or grabbed something. Hell I have had two year olds take things of mine and say “mine”! It’s what they do at that age.
Also I doubt a two year old would be quiet when you told them to. Just yesterday my sister and I were on the phone and my two year old niece would not be quiet despite being asked repeatedly by her mother to do so. So either you have a very advanced two year old or a very scared one. One afraid to disobey you.
Nancy I only followed Nanny 911(can you believe it) methods and they worked. Getting down to their level eye contact and a firm voice. You can never show signs of weakness or go back on your word ie. punishment renege. I am a firm believer in cause and effect. My children simply understand that when they misbehave they make Nommy and Daddy disappointed aka sad. Right now they are 2 and 5, I get complimented on their behavior all the time! And yes my 2 year is terrified of centipedes and my 5 year old does like animals with carnivorous teeth…..not much else fazes them. But, enough of my kids……bring on the fat tacky mommas and the overly made up tots:)
Someone get FlipIt! This has got to be a record or something. Seventy-Five (now seventy six) comments in two days. I don’t think we’ve seen this kind of bickering since BB6.
Keep up the great work, Crabby!
Good for you, Mo! Why is it that some parents assume that just because their children aren’t well behaved that no one elses can be unless they are scared and mistreated?
oh i’m here. and i’m laughing my ass off.
Jeebus, Mary & Joe – did you guys see Kathy Griffin last night? Crabby, she lived your dream. She and her mother judged a pageant in Ontaria, CA. I think it was called the Gold Coast something or other. It was everything I hoped it could be. She got a spray tan, glitz make up, a flipper, pageant hair and a CROWN. Her mother was mortified. Hysterical!
Soooooo (whistling and looking around), did anyone catch Kathy Griffin My Life on the D List last night? She was judging a kiddy pageant. That shit was HILARIOUS. I was crying I was laughing so hard. Everyone needs to lighten up…….=D
LOL at Shanti! Guess we were posting at the same time. Great minds think alike
Oh Shanti, I’m sorry I missed Kathy G. The Patron Saint of Snark. I hope one day, if I get another show to recap, the Snark Gods will smile on me and the pageant Moms will all be sprayed, flippered and forced to do their beauty walk over hot coals while twirling fire batons and whistling Dixie. Until then ,we have DearCrabby to make us laugh. Can’t wait until next week!
I missed My Life on the D-List but I’m sure I won’t be disappointed when I get around to watching. Does anyone remember that show “Daisy Does America” (looking around?! Just me and Courtney Cox? Aiight) Anyway, she entered a pageant and the hilarity ensued as well. I think the only people who don’t get what a complete joke beauty pageants are would be the contestants and their supersized mothers (who 9 times out of 10 looks like she comes with a side of fries and a 2 liter drink)
Thank Snootchy, well guess I know I’m going to look for Kathy G, nothing like glitter, strippers and spray tans…oh what we aren’t talking about Jersey Shore????? Oh that says flippers not strippers….*chucklez*
Absolutely hysterical recap (as usual), but I think my jaw was on the floor for a good ten minutes after I started reading the comments. And to think I wasn’t even going to check them out! Pure gold!
Thanks for this! I missed this episode, and your recaps are awesome!
and the fact that the Duggars didn’t use comps then 
I am a pageant supporter, having competed in them myself for thirteen years, but you’re recaps usually make me laugh!
Keep it up!
I do have to wonder if ‘sabrina kent’ is really sabrina from the show. I doubt it. When I was nine I pretended to be Jana Duggar from the Duggar’s first special. My lack of gramatical ability gave me away
Pure TVgasm gold here!
Really great recap! I was reading to my husband, and we were both laughing so much, I was in tears.
Reading the comments, if that was really Sabrina Kent, I really feel sorry for her children now. What a pottymouth! No taste, no class, no brains, no depth.
On the show, I actually liked Sabrina and her kids. Iyana was adorable. And Sabrina seemed to actually love her kids, and to want the pageant to be about them and not herself, which is more than can be said for lots of these other moms. And I thought it was mad funny that she was not trying to spend all that money on a pageant…I was like, finally. Someone with sense.
But the Sabrina in these comments….I don’t like so much.
Holy crap, I cannot WAIT until every week’s recap by Dear Crabby so I can sit here and laugh/snort until I’m totally out of control. You so need to write a book because you are absolutely hysterical. My partner and I watch the show for the pure entertainment value, and to play Toddlers and Tiaras Bingo (Total Package…Flipper…Awesome Gay Guy doing hair and makeup…Pageant Director with the voice of ten thousand packs of cigarettes… BINGO!!!) and when we saw Sabrina we immediately loved her. She was so not the usual pageant mom. Of course we KNEW that the pageant was going to chew up her kids and spit them out because they actually looked and acted like real little girls and didn’t know how to get up there and do the pouty look and humpty dance while ripping off articles of sparkly clothing. Was that the longest sentence ever? Anyway, she’s funny and awesome and we now use the word “luxuriate” because it’s the best word ever.
If you saw this weeks episode, that same scammer , Lisa Fulgham, was a judge on the “Darling Divas” pageant in Brooklyn, NY. She had a new weave on her head which I can only assume she got from the money she stole from those children in the “America’s Trezured Dollz” pageant. How TLC didn’t take note of the fact that they had this criminal right in front of them is utterly idiotic.
I just finished watching the whole episode and the same guy(you know the gay one talking smack about the director Lisa) was a judge w/ the thief! How does he not recognize her?
Lips – I noticed Lisa & hair/makeup guy too. The shows are not necessarily aired in the same order as they took place. The NY show may have been filmed prior to Trezured Dolls.
shantigal, that’s Trezured Dollz
Hahaha! I loved this article. Its hilarious. The whole time i watched this episode, all i could fo is make fun of Sabrina. She was just like so ghetto, and very “un-pageant” like. Then i love how she came back, read your article and is leaving comments. What a mature lady. She’s a great mom (sarcasm). Anyway, who ever wrote this, GREAT job! You kept me entertained.
Joining thr conversation a little late been on vk for the last month and niece recorded the show while I was gone. Sabrina has every right to be angry and upset and so do the other parents who spent a pretty penny on this pageant and there kids didnt get what was owed to them. My daughter use to do pageants so I know all the time,money and effort it takes and for that bitch to come on national t.v and steal from children makes me soooooo mad it also makes me embarrased to be black. This is why I never ever do business with black people when dealing with money you cant trust them. I saw how she refered to people as “bitches” Me and my sister were blown away by her behavior. I hope she is found and arrested before she strikes again. Oh and what kind of a name is trezured dollz? Its sounded ghetto along with its director.
Does anyone know if the scamming ‘director’ ever got caught or charged?
If you go onto facebook and search Mykel Baca III you can see pics of Mykel’s ‘alter ego’ Kylie Banks XD
He’s not bad looking as a girl lol
Kennedy and Sabrina were both horrible children along with horrible parents. I do not know how they could possibly get a prize.
It’s sad to watch all of these pageant ogres live vicariously through their children while dumping wads of borrowed cash (they obviously don’t have) to relive their youth. I’ve counseled probably 50 pageant moms in the past decade on the self-image above all else life style for their daughters and more often than not it goes in one ear and out the other. Most of the moms are on some type of government subsistance and can barely pay the family bills yet inevitably push the entire family further into debt by borrowing from relatives and pawning items at seedy pawn shops. When they’ve finally lost all hope and are turning the corner to an intervention, they start ho’in. I think that the show should black out the faces of the parents so the neighbors aren’t embarrassed to live next door to the luxuriating pageant ho’s. I would be willing to bet that after seeing themselves on tv they have even a stronger determination to push their kids into the self-centered, lower IQ, men-dependant quagmire. By the time those kids reach their teens and realize that they are the albatross of the social circle, the parents will be in a position to blame someone else. Our tax dollars shouldn’t be used for pageants. If you receive WIC or Social Security or need family members to help…then you need to sit your fat ass at home and make apple dolls or stained glass ornaments for an income and stop leeching off of the tax paying citizens of America. I also know that 90 percent of pageant moms have been arrested for smacking their kids around when they don’t play fantasy dress-up. Sad ass bunch of overweight wannabes. give it up and get a job…you’ll be a lot happier. Love ya.
I LOVED Sabrina and I think she has a really healthy relationship with her girls, she did something that I didn’t see alot of the other Mom’s doing….she listened to her kids. She also cracked me up…..laughed my fool head off watching her….finally a real gal on this show!
Don’t let the jealous haters get you down Sabrina! You’re awesome!
I think it’s really sad that posters have opted to pick apart Sabrina. Remember, it takes all kinds to make a world and none of us is perfect. Granted, most of us would get our teeth fixed before entering a child into a pageant, but obviously her daughters happiness was more important. Its her choice.
As far as I’m concerned none of the mothers were beyond reproach. Accept for the one mother with the Louisville hoody, the moms were incredibly pushy and over indulgent. This mom’s daughter was poised, patient and confident…and absolutely lovely.
Kennedy made me change channels a few times because I wanted to jump into the TV and beat some good ole southern home training into her. Too blame the pageant for positioning the prizes in her view. Come on. She clearly hasn’t heard “NO” enough.
In the past I have avoided this show. Today reminded me why. It has always seemed like these moms were preparing their daughters to be the future poll swingers of America. After today, I still feel that way.
Teddi
PRICELESS! Crabby your are hilarious! I cannot stop laughing at this article…Kennedy is a really ugly kid and a friggin brat…I smell NON celebrity rehab for her! Sabrina and her daughter is a serious hot mess. She looked like a zombie on stage the way she moved….super funny
This is hilarious. I also could not believe Kennedy and Sabrina and Iyana. Sabrina is clueless. Her kids are cute and their relationship seems really healthy except for the huge chip on Sabrina’s shoulder and her dressing them in her old nighties. And that Lisa – what a scammer. Thanks for the larfz ya all! I’m so glad we don’t expose Australian children to these pageants. Now excuse me as it’s time to luxuriate in my spa.
I think when a parent put’s a 1 month old or how ever old being that little don’t know what is going on so why put them in there ?? well i know let’s see the parent’s are NOT doing it for the fun they are doing it for the Money, the Fame, and the Fourtne !!
Why doesnt it surprise me that of all the paretns to target on T & T, it’s the one Black Mother on the whole show that you all choose to trash. Don’t even start with the tired ass, “but we’re not racists!” B.S. Your racism is such a deep part of you, you dont even recognise it when it stinks up the place. Racism is like “FOG”, Whites only see it when its “over there”.
Don’t even bother defending yourselves, I’m sure you all have your racism rationalized to a “T”. Or maybe I should say, to a “T-party”.
This is LISA the directors real information. She has a record. She is a bad, bad person.
Listed National Director: LISA FULGHAM-TAGGETT
Listed Show Director: LISA A. JONES
Listed Contact Email: mrsbullglyn@yahoo.com
Emails linked to mrsbullglyn@yahoo.com: lisaalleyne@yahoo.com and alfaisal_am@yahoo.com
Last listed city and state for items shipped to listed email address mrsbullglyn@yahoo.com and name on purchase Lisa A in Louisville,KY.
Pulling up the name: Lisa Alleyne from the yahoo account, you find a Facebook account with a picture, this picture is an exact match to the lady on the show.
so…where did “sabrina” go? that couldnt really be her, could it? if it is, sorry. you can never tell who it really is on the web anyway.
i dislike younger children in pagents. more often then not, they are spoiled little girls who only care about winning money and are not grateful even when winning the secong highest title. and really? tanning? please. we dont need bright orange 4-yr. olds with excessive makeup, enormous hair, and over-the-top costumes walking around a stage trying to win a trophy.
by the way, a flipper makes the girls’ mouths look like they belong on a horse instead.
TO SABRINA: YOU GO GIRL!!! BBW!!! YOU ROCK!!! You are so truthful in what you say…it was refreshing to see a “Real” mom on t&t for once. I hope that you keep doing your thing! You have TWO beautiful princesses! I hope to see yourself and your lovely family again on T&T in the future!!!
“Why doesnt it surprise me that of all the paretns to target on T & T, it’s the one Black Mother on the whole show that you all choose to trash. Don’t even start with the tired ass, “but we’re not racists!” B.S. Your racism is such a deep part of you, you dont even recognise it when it stinks up the place. Racism is like “FOG”, Whites only see it when its “over there”.
Don’t even bother defending yourselves, I’m sure you all have your racism rationalized to a “T”. Or maybe I should say, to a “T-party”.”
———–
Do you not bother to read the other re-caps? Or how about the TWOP T&T board? Or are you just one of those people who spies racism behind every tree and around every street corner such that you cheapen and make it easy to dismiss real instances of racism (boy who cried wolf anyone)? No need to “defend” anything that was said about Sabrina because black, white, pink, polka dotted – - – every parent on this show is fair game and has been ridiculed, mocked and generally made ridiculous fun of because the parents on this show have generally proven themselves to be ignorant, poorly spoken, barely able to speak the English language let alone string together a proper grammatical sentence, nut jobs who by all appearances are practically pimping out their kids and wasting insane amounts of money to bring home a $2 crown, sash and trophy. So no Lynn, it is not racist to call a crazy person crazy or to mock people like Sabrina, particularly when virtually every other parent on this show gets pretty much the same treatment. The only ones spared are the “sane” parents and sadly those are few and very far between. Not every negative commentary on a person of color is racist. Grow up and stop drinking the koolaid!
Sabrina was Extremely ignorant and like too many other people she was proud of how ignorant she was. “luxuriating” “buffies” “stunin.” So sad how dumb the average IQ can seem. It broke my heart to realize her kids were picking it up. When Iyana said she luxuritated I cried. Also, Iyana looked like she had to poop in the beauty walk and like she was having a seizure in the other two. Every wig Sabrina wore was worse then the one before but I think the wind tunnel one looked like Kate Gossling’s old hair turned sideways.
I’m not sure why the police haven’t arrested Lisa for grand theft. I’m sure they could find her if they looked.
Attention Mrs. Kent,
I just watched this episode & found this blog. Good for you for spending time with your girls and doing what you think is right for them. You were the most entertaining and encouraging parent in that group.
Good luck, your kids are blessed to have their mother as their advocate.
I FINALLY got to see this damn epi! I had been waiting for this repeat, in particular, to grace my TV. Oh, DAMN, the comments didn’t disappoint, either! And it goes without saying the recap didn’t either…neeever does! I was a bit bummed because all of the hoopla surrounding the upcoming episode made me think the bitch was gonna go DOWN for cheating all the mentally unsound, coo coo for crazy puffs mama bear
This is like a *totally late* comment, but I finally had a chance to SEE this inafamous ep, woo hoo! Not gonna say too much. I’ve got the damn stomach flu.
Sooo Sabrina: some of the first words spewing out of that woman’s mouth caused an instantaneous, “Fuuuck, another dumbass/YAY, another DUMBASS!”.
Throughout the episode, though, she grew on me. She’s having fun with her daughters, eschewing the gabillon dollar dresses for more budget-friendly ones (she damn skippy won’t win but what the flip?). I liked her snark and her relationship with the kids. Sabrina, as someone said above (I’d look but then my head and intestines might BOTH implode), does seem to get that this shit is what it is…”Momma’s Richie-Richies’ Tiara Playground”™
Head came close to ‘sploding a few times pertaining to Sabrina’s early Posts, but eh…she loves those kids.
Aaandnfor the record, you all up there talking about two year old training? If your two is a terrible IT IS YOUR FAULT. Discipline and just effing parent, ya fools!
Sorry to end on a bad note, but I’m off to the lounge chair again to ward off more vomit. Yay me. Apologize in advane for any missed grammar, yada yada yada.
The person who writ this is discraceful?
You want to drown kids?
I’m surprised no ones mentioned your behaviour.
Your gonna be the one ending up in jail with that attitude.
freekin HILARIOUS!
i hate kids AND i have two of my own.
Mo & Amyoops are RIGHT! it’s called discipline and PARENTING.
imagine how nice eating out would be, if more “parents” tried it…
https://www.facebook.com/fulgham3?sk=wall
There is the real Lisa’s Facebook for all you pageant mom’s still looking.
https://www.facebook.com/fulgham3?sk=wall
^Spread the word thats Lisa’s profile!!!
I’ve read these comments and have to admit that I am absolutely disgusted by the language used and the depth of depravity that these \parents\ will sink to in order to \defend themselves or their poor children\!!! What type of decent human being will go onto the internet and post language that’s not even suitable for the lowest form of scum possible??? This just proves any and EVERY comment pe ople want to post about you, Sabrina. You really believe that your use of the commentary on internet posts shows you to be the kind of parent you defend yourself to be? Regardless what opinion some stranger has of you, a mother should NEVER sink to the levels you’ve chosen to respond in. You want people to view you as a mother that only puts her children first, then don’t post such vile and disgusting responses to the comments people ignorantly post about you or your behavior. There will never be anything more than negative comments posted about your beautiful children simply because you made the choice to go onto the internet and defend yourself in a very vile manner. If you don’t want to be referred to as ghetto trash, don’t respond that way when people comment.