Toddlers & Tiaras: Bitter Barn Bitches

By DearCrabby | Monday, April 23, 2012 | 11:57 am | 187 Comments

This kid’s bologna has a first, last, middle AND confirmation name!

Welcome to the Beautiful Me Disco Pageant on this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. And the beauty ain’t on the inside this time. Or outside, now that I think about it. Or on anyone’s garage floor, but more on that later.

Will to live…lost to the ages.

Pageant Director Dena Jackon calls the pageant “Disco Diamonds” and let’s face it, no matter how much we joke about it, we all LOVE disco. We love it. There isn’t one time you turn off the Bee Gees when you are in your car alone. Try to hide it, but deep down, we all know Saturday Night Fever is a trashtastic masterpiece of good style and taste.

However this ode to Andy Gibb is really kinda creepy if you think too much about it.

OHMYGOD they totally have trophies that light up and blink! Almost better than the tiaras – almost! Dena tells us bad sportsmanship will not be tolerated. Oh, it will in the interviews, Dena.

I am horrified at being your daughter!

First up in Oklahoma City, we’re back with Tricia of nutcase fame, and her trippin’ daughter SamiJo. Tricia tells us a lot has changed (last time we saw her, only her cup size had changed). She says she used to get a lot of criticism from her “ex-husband and his family,” and we see a flashback to the last episode she was on where she semi-fessed up to spending $12,000 on her own pageant although that did include the new boobs. Her husband was pissed as he commented that they’ve probably spent over $100,000 on pageants and that they were a waste of money.

The voice of reason: A turtle farmer.

Tricia says she’s divorced now and lives “in a much smaller home in the city,” however there is an Audi TT in the driveway, so have a slice of shut the hell up, bitch.

Tricia tells us that she has to work a lot harder to make ends meet (meaning, she has to work now), and she does what she is calling “promotional work.” This includes going onsite to biker rallies, cage fights, drag races, fight clubs, basement poker matches and back alleys, all in teeny tiny bikinis. Oh, and she works at her “favorite” restaurant, a wings place that focuses on boobies, bazongas, jugs, ya-yas, ta-tas, cha-chas, coconuts, headlights, tits, peaks, pastries, jukes, cream pies, cantaloupes, love melons…but I can’t remember the name of it.

Mommy’s home, and her boobs and cooch need to be blurred out. You may want to see a doctor about that.

“I get to make a lot of really interesting networking connections and meet some really great people,” she says, clearly clueless as to how this all looks to those of with standards and class. And triple-digit IQs.

Most business people network a weeeee bit differently. And with more clothes on.

Tricia now lives with her boyfriend and four kids (how did dad not get custody of these kids? Worst divorce lawyer ever!). “I never had anyone who was really interested in my life,” Tricia says. Maybe that’s because you really don’t have one. And the new boyfriend is probably more interested in your sandbags than you, because you are kind of one-dimensional whereas the pumpkins are not.

Tricia’s new boyfriend, HG (I’m guessing for “Hung Good”?), says he has a great relationship with SamiJo. “She makes me try things I wouldn’t usually try,” he says. Uh, like…well, pedophilia is too obvious. But he did shave a crown and her initial into his head. Which, okay, is kind of cute to support you to ensure getting at your mother’s mangos. That should look really classy at work…unless you are just living off Tricia’s alimony.

That many birds flying…first sign of evil.

Over in Maynard, Arkasas, we meet unfortunately named stripper-to-be Destiny, 3, and her mom Sherrie. Sherrie says Destiny has a bouncy personality and you never know what she’s going to do or say next. And what Destiny says next is, “I wanna dance the pole.” At this time she means the railing of the stairway, but you know that in the future, Destiny WILL be on the pole, because she sure as shit won’t be running Microsoft.

Of course you do.

Sherrie tells us something we all know – the biggest issues with pageants is the price of everything. Including dignity.

She’s really into practicing, isn’t she?

Sherrie says, “My husband don’t know the whole cost of these pageants.” He does now unless he’s deaf and blind. She admits to us (and to him if he’s watching) that she has three credit cards that are totally maxed out (smart move). She says the third card was really for emergencies and you just cannot believe how many pageant emergencies she’s used it for. Way to keep a secret.

It’s only money, right?

Over in Madill, Oklahoma, we meet our tard of the episode, Camarie, 3, who can only say “Mama,” “No,” and grunt at inappropriate times. Mom Jennifer says Camarie is the total package, but apparently her package does not include speaking at a three-year old level.

GRRRUUUUUNNNNNTTTTTT.

Jennifer jokes that when she was pregnant with Camarie, she was addicted to calamari, so they named her after the squid. Okay, first of all, you didn’t name her after the squid; you took calamari and tried to make it into an acceptable name. Second, naming your kid after squid is gross and makes you look like a moron. Third, shut up. Neighborhood kids and your mocking ways, start your engines.

Do we know where all the knives are right now?

“Do not hit nobody with a stick,” Jennifer tells Camarie who immediately says, “You dummy.” Nice. She says Camarie is a “normal 3 year old” (I beg to differ) and she’s got an attitude. We see Camarie smacking what looks like a pit-bull. Please let that end badly.

Dogs love to be pushed over and bred over and over and over again…freakin’ hillbillies.

Also, a side-note, and some of you mentioned this in your comments and I planned to be all over this in the recap. All of my dogs are from puppymills, meaning they were kept in bad conditions only to breed other dogs – for years. I see one of Jennifer’s dogs has teats hanging down to its knees, meaning it is currently feeding a litter. Breeding dogs when you aren’t really a breeder is irresponsible and I don’t get the feeling Jennifer and her family are AKC breeders. I think they are just lazy mofos who think they can make money off of other hickballs who want pit bulls/other types of dogs because they think they are cool and/or to fight them (hopefully more the former). I absolutely hate this shit and hope the dogs do turn on them one day, feasting on their oversized corpses and learning how to use the remote. I will now put my soapbox away for a few seconds.

“My dream for Camarie is to see her crowned Miss Universe,” Jennifer says. Really? My dream for your daughter is that she be able to put a full sentence together before she hits kindergarten. She says they will not settle for Miss America because that’s just the girl who didn’t make it to Miss Universe. Bad news, Jennifer: either one of those still means your daughter has to blow Donald Trump.

Seriously, where are the knives? Does anybody know?

Back with Destiny, Sherrie is allowing her kids and a dog go flying off in an ATV, which as we all know is the great Darwinian equalizer.

Here, kill the dog too while you are at it!

She says her son has a heavy foot so they go very fast. Good thinking.

Save me Jeebus!

Then she asks Destiny if she wants to see “where daddy killed the deers, in the garage.” Okay, again, first of all, DEER is plural on its own, so let’s not worry about adding that extraneous S, and second, he probably killed them in the wild and just dressed them in the garage. And no, we don’t want to see it.

ACK! GIAGANTOR CAT!

Sherrie explains that her husband and sons love to deer hunt and the deer heads and antlers are their crowns. Okay, so I get deer hunting, Crabby Daddy grew up doing it with his family and still does, but I sure as hell don’t want to see the remains. I know the meat I eat is from dead animals but I’m a huge hypocrite and just don’t want to know where it’s coming from or that it used to be alive. I’m willing to live with this hypocrisy because, you know, I don’t want to know what happened to Bambi! Or Moo Cow! Even if it is renamed Steak Frites.

I get it, I just don’t want to see it.

So of course we’re in their garage which is like a health department complaint – deer legs on the floor, blood on cardboard, antlers everywhere…and all of it is bloody. Again, I get it, but I don’t want to see it. And get that dog out of here! Showing Destiny some blood horns, she says, “I don’t know if it’s Bambi’s, his mom’s or his dad’s,” she says to Destiny. WHAT did I just tell you? I do not want to know what you did to BAMBI!

Sherrie tells us Destiny told her father she wanted to go hunting in her pageant dress, and Sherrie joked she’ll need a camouflage one. Yeah, why don’t you use your emergency credit card for that?

Back in Oklahoma City, Tricia says budgeting for pageants is hard, so she “creates her own income.” Like a hooker? Well, sorta. Tricia is doing a calendar of herself in bikinis in various poses to sell around Oklahoma City.

Just all part of her big networking plan!

Jesus, what an attention whore. Someone’s dad did NOT do his job.

If I scratch my brain hard enough, I may be able to get rid of this memory.

“Should I start with the leopard print with black top?” Tricia asks her friend. “Jo, what do you think?” and SamiJo picks her nose. My gut reaction too, kid.

As we see Tricia getting her pictures taken in front of a brick wall (klassy!), she interviews that her style of parenting is “very different.” In that she has none? “Exposing your children to whatever you can is a great way to be culturally diverse.” Wait, wtf? How is this culturally diverse? Because in this scene, I SEE WHITE PEOPLE…only. And don’t think for one second a cheesy calendar of you half-naked is diverse.

Yeah, you’re kind of whorish. I wish daddy had full custody.

Tricia also says that since she had her breast augmentation (a.k.a. “boob job”), SamiJo has become obsessed with bras. Are you sure it’s not because YOU have become obsessed with them and she has nothing else to play with? “She loves Victoria’s Secret, so she does her homework.” You know she’s 2, right?

Oh, goody, the photographer was also able to save time to take some pictures of SamiJo. Snore. “She knows and has full comprehension of how the business works,” Tricia says. Is she even potty trained? Because until she fully comprehends and fills the little kid potty, I don’t think she really knows that much, Tricia. “I still say she’s 17. She’s far from 2,” Tricia says. No, when she’s 17 she’ll be pregnant and trying to figure out who the daddy is, thanks to you.

Back with deep-fried Camarie and her dog-breeding mom, Camarie smacks her mother, grunts, calls someone a bitch, grabs a wig out of someone’s hands (who are those extras?) and throws it.

“I don’t think anyone really has friends in the pageant world,” Jennifer says. You’re an idiot, they just don’t want to be friends with you and your holy terror of a fertilized egg. “Some pageant moms are very catty. Some of them are lying bitches.” And then she provides us an example!

“I think SamiJo’s mom, Tricia, is a little psycho,” Jennifer says. Well, you are a bitch, but you aren’t really lying…so, I’ll give you one point for that observation. Jennifer says in the one pageant where they competed against each other, there was tension between them.

“Tricia had called Camarie ugly,” Jennifer tells us. Really? Ugly? I would have gone with stupid, undisciplined, bratty, obnoxious, moronic, evil and cooch-like before I would have hit on ugly. Which she sometimes is but mostly from the inside. Jennifer says you can say what you want about her (oh, I am) but not about her kid (I am there too…she’s atrocious).

Sugar rush much?

Camarie tries to escape the house by going out the front door, but she seemed to have a hard time with understanding how the doorknob actually worked. She wants to take her toy car outside but Jennifer wants her to stay in. She shows us an excellent muffin top while trying to pull Camarie inside while Camarie screams in her patented incomprehensible way. And I could really go for a carrot cake muffin top right now.

Jennifer says as long as Tricia doesn’t say anything bad about Camarie at the pageant, that will be fine. Camarie celebrates by throwing a temper-tantrum in the living room, picking up things off the coffee table and tossing them across the room while Jennifer laughs. Great anger management/parenting going on here. Okay, Camarie is less tard, more developmentally disabled. Something is really wrong with this kid and the fact that Jennifer is pushing her into pageants as opposed to getting her a therapist is really bad parenting.

Camarie turns on Jennifer and tries to bite her boob. “Don’t bite me,” Jennifer says, turning Camarie away from her. Something is wrong with that kid. Also, if a kid tried to bite me, I would Chuck-Norris-roundhouse-kick the shit out of her.

Punching mom.

Tearing hair out of someone’s hands.

Throwing shit in anger.

Biting…yeah, no problems here.

Tricia and SamiJo are “practicing” while SamiJo slams downs some mac’n’cheese. Tricia says that pageants are family bonding time and says that she was going to compete with SamiJo this weekend, but her competition dropped out. Probably because that mother came to her senses!

We see SamiJo and Tricia exercising together as Tricia gives us that bullshit line about competition and how she hopes SamiJo takes that with her wherever she goes…mostly into spawning her own pageant brat. SamiJo picks her nose and Tricia asks her if she struck gold. Only if she eats it on camera.

Again? Does she need an allergist or ear/nose/throat doctor?

Back with the joy of our lives, Camarie, we see that again, she ain’t the brightest bulb in the pack, CFLs or fluorescents. “Her facial beauty carries her a long way,” Jennifer says. Jennifer, if you actually look, there are one set of footprints, and that is Jesus carrying her to the plastic surgeon. She ain’t that cute and she really isn’t pageant pretty. Add in the Neanderthal-ish grunts and she’s a hot mess of please make it stop! Sorry.

LALALALALALALALA!

They try on Camarie’s red dress which is too small and the seams kind of come to the front. Sort of like the lobotomy scars she’ll have later in life. Are people that unaware of how quickly kids can grow? Camarie grunts and screams and she’s less articulate than the chimps at the zoo, and they throw their own poo.

GRUNT! GRUNT! GRRRR! SNORT! GRUNT! ARF!

Ah, Destiny is getting spray-tan and holy hell, what is wrong with the hair on the two women at the salon? Guess they’re jackin’ it to Jesus. He is really busy with this episode.

Arkansaslicious! Not so much!

Destiny won’t take her pacifier, a.k.a. “pappy” out of her mouth and the tanner says she’s worried she’ll have a big white ring around her mouth. That’s right. If she doesn’t remove pappy, she’ll have a big white ring around her mouth. Discuss.

Deer hooves, deer hooves.

And the tanner’s name is Chadisty. America, you never, EVER disappoint. The black lights behind her are extra klassy.

Oh, and Tricia never disappoints. She’s in her backyard practicing with SamiJo who is about as exciting as an empty cardboard box. Tricia says SamiJo is a ball of energy when she hits the stage but basically all I’m seeing is a ball of crickets and they are sleeping. Dogs bark in the background.

Really turning on the Sylvia Plath.

Tricia says that SamiJo never goes onstage with a choreographed routine because, “she’s really advanced.” In what? “SamiJo has a vast understanding that some six and seven year olds don’t have.” About what? “When she gets there, she’s going to turn it on.” She’d better, because honestly, her practicing suuuucks.

Holy shit. They just showed a commercial for the Bambi DVD during this show. Tsk, tsk.

Pageant day! Not a moment too soon. Pageant Director Dena tells us what a great pageant this is with the enthusiasm of someone who has to spend the day with Camarie. She tells us about each of the contestants…Destiny is independent, SamiJo is a firecracker onstage (?), and Camarie is feisty… “She is a demon child,” Dena says, followed with, “I shouldn’t have said it that way, scratch that last part,” completely ensuring it WOULD end up on this episode. So other people DO know she’s insane. Excellent. Camarie grunts.

Destiny fusses quite a bit getting her hair and makeup done, asking for her pappy. Sherrie tells her it needs to stay put away until the pageant is done, Destiny fusses and Sherrie shoves it in her mouth. Way to rule the roost, parents of today. Off camera someone asks, “Are you excited about the pageant today?” “NO!” she says.

Here’s you damn pappy, now shut the hell up!

SamiJo is being very good while getting her hair and makeup done. Tricia is telling us how SamiJo has pageants “in her nature” and that she has “her own runway swag.” Isn’t swag something you get in gift bags at events? A quick look on Google indicates that no, swag is how you present yourself. Well consider me luxuriated in this new word!

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because my mother is an attention-mongering ho.

And guess who shows up during SamiJo’s hair and makeup? Camarie! Oh, this is going to be good. Camarie is being so bad that Jennifer has to put her into a bear hug. Heh.

Get the straightjacket.

Tricia is tooootally klassy and says that anytime Camarie has done poorly at a pageant, Jennifer lashes out at the other mothers whose kids actually do well. I can totally see this.

Jennifer brings up the ugly comments again and I have to snicker. Then the makeup artist asks Tricia what she’s been doing and she mentions the cage fights and Jennifer rolls her eyes. She says, “She’s got five kids, I mean really, grow up.” Is she including HG as one of her kids?

Camarie continues to fuss and not want to be held – this kid seriously needs professional help. Tricia says whatever Jennifer says about her “comes straight out of jealousy.” Probably.

“I think Tricia’s full of shit,” Jennifer says. “If you are woman enough to say it behind my back, say it to my face,” she says. You mean like you AREN’T doing now? “I’m very honest. If I have something to say to you, I’m gonna stab you in the chest, not in the back.” Guess Oprah won’t be inviting her to any book clubs too soon.

Hate-cha!

Hate-cha back!

Beauty Wear is first and clearly none of these mothers got the “beauty” note on that one…yeesh. And the moms sure could use a Curves in their neighborhood.

Where am I? Does anyone have any weed?

Tricia re-applies her lipgloss and says that “SamiJo knows her routines.” You mean the ones you said she didn’t have because she’s so advanced. Tricia, seriously, do you even listen to yourself or is there just too much noise from the wind blowing between your ears?

So much crotch shot, so little time.

SamiJo is up first and wow, you really should have practiced a routine. No energy, not really walking to the Xs like she should, facing the back of the stage, no smile, nothing…while Tricia giving a hootie glimpse due to her short skirt. Points off!

When did the audience get here?

“I didn’t know what to do,” Tricia interviews. Jennifer, clearly enjoying this, says Tricia has a big head because she thinks SamiJo is the best of the best. “And karma seemed to bite her on the ass today.” Jennifer, karma could live for years on your ass and it’s going to once your child gets to school and they have to tell you that she needs to be on the short bus because she’s just that facially beautiful.

GRRRRRRRRR!!!

Camarie is up next and she grunts, then tells her mom no when she tries to get onstage with her. Surprisingly, Camarie does try to turn on the pageant face, but then she looks down and stomps from one X to another. However, she has to be one of the lower performers. Jennifer says she was surprised with Camarie’s performance. Because she didn’t eat the backdrop?

All pageant and no discipline makes Camarie a psycho girl!

Destiny is up next and her dress is awful! It’s pink and blue and just waaaay too much. She goes onstage on her own and she seems to do okay until she freezes – maybe she’s pooping – and she doesn’t pay attention to her mom too much. One of the judges says it just wasn’t her day. Ouch.

It’s like mixing cotton candy flavors…seems like a good concept, but ends up rather vomitous.

Disco Wear! Dena is sooo excited about Disco Wear that her blood pressure has spiked to 121/81.

Tricia is letting SamiJo run around the hotel with her brothers and play instead of getting ready for some reason – they thought they had another hour (which, is that really a lot of time in getting a kid ready for a pageant?). And then they call SamiJo’s name. Ooops! Points off for real this time!

Someone tells Tricia that SamiJo missed her spot. Quelle horreur! Tricia freaks, grabs SamiJo and gets her ready to go. Jennifer is loving life.

SamiJo gets onstage in her Disco Wear…Hello Kitty. Wait, what? How is Hello Kitty disco? Despite Tricia’s prodding, SamiJo does dick onstage yet again. This is exhausting. Jennifer asks the same question about Hello Kitty that I asked, which sort of makes me vomit that we are thinking the same thing. “I wasn’t impressed,” Jennifer says. Shocker.

How is this disco? It’s barely relevant.

Finally Tricia picks SamiJo up and holds her up to the judges so it wouldn’t be obvious that she wasn’t walking to her Xs. One of the judges said that SamiJo lacked energy and Tricia calls it an “epic fail.” Just like your parenting.

Ouga-bouga-bouga, grunt, grunt, grunt!

Jennifer is jamming a huge cola down Camarie’s gullet while she interviews that she thinks it’s karma that got Tricia. “Every mom is happy when the other child bombs it,” she says.

Healthy!

Camarie gets onstage and just bounces back and forth and although she never smiles, she does have tons more energy than SamiJo and she has a bit of a routine down. Again, I was surprised she could focus given her penchant for grunting.

Me beat people!

Destiny is up next and she sucks. No smile, no energy, no routine and no knowledge of the true APR her mother is paying on those credit cards. Oh, wait, there she goes…now she has some energy. Still? Meh. Sherrie say Destiny did okay but for a “bigger pageant” like this, she needed more help.

Stayin’ Semi-Alive! Semi-Alive!

The judges do their judgey thing and say Destiny really stood out to them with her energy and confidence (we must have missed a huge chunk of the pageant), Camarie is very unsure of herself (or her surroundings, or words, or fingers), and SamiJo just had an off day – no energy – and she really should have stayed home to watch cartoons. Heh.

Crowning! Tricia says she’s totally stressed and I would be too if my stupid kid had some kind of birthday cake hat on her head. What the hell is up with that?

Or is it some kind of growth?

SamiJo’s group is up first…Best Personality…not SamiJo (duh). Best Eyes…SamiJo. Meh. Most Photogenic…SamiJo! Doesn’t she always win those? Seems like that’s where she excels…in Photoshop. Jennifer is pissed because SamiJo pulled for a higher title.

Grunt! Grunt! Grunt! Cooookie!

Destiny and Camarie are up next and Jennifer says it was one of Camarie’s better days. God, I’d hate to see a bad day. “She’s had worse days and pulled for high titles.” I doubt that. Age Division Princess…not our girls! Age Division Queen…Camarie! Oooh, sucks to be you! Jennifer is pisssssed. I think that was lucky. Tricia says, “She’s [Jennifer] going to be pissed. I’m pretty happy.” Jennifer: “I’m pissed.” Heh.

BRRRAAAAAPPPPP! Pissed and flatulent!

“It was a 7-hour drive for Division Queen, and she was on top of her game,” Jennifer says. No she wasn’t. She’s fugly on the inside and out. Don’t complain about the drive – it wouldn’t have seemed so long has she won a supreme.

And you’re never a loser when you’re in Special Olympics!

Jennifer says she thinks it’s a little fixed. Oh, whatever. Camarie throws a total temper-tantrum and kicks and grunts like only someone who is going to need hospital care the rest of her life can.

Watch out! Once she’s done pooping, she’s gonna start throwing it!

Zero to Three Group Overall Personality…not our girls. Three year old Divisional Supreme…Destiny! Yay! I guess, I don’t know. Kid is gonna end up on the pole and she wasn’t great today, so whatever. Seems like this pageant is catering to the TV show versus true talent. Some of those other kids were much prettier.

The enthusiasm is almost too much.

Zero to Three Group Overall Photogenic…SamiJo! Again with the Photogenic – you know what why she wins that? Because it doesn’t require energy, just a really good graphic artist. Jennifer says she doesn’t think SamiJo’s picture was a supreme. Jesus, Jennifer, focus on your own kid and her need to be fitted for a glitzed straightjacket.

Tricia says, “Sometimes all it takes is beauty to win at a pageant.” Tricia, that photo doesn’t look like anything but a caricature of your kid. All it takes is Photoshop! Tricia is really happy with the supreme title because she lives in an alternate universe where people are buying her calendars.

She always wins the category where personality and routines are not required…good one!

So the Zero to Three Group Grand Supreme is some other kid and now we’re done. Phew. Let’s see how it plays out.

Sherrie says that if Destiny wants to continue to supreme, she’ll need to work more on her routines. Yes, that THREE year old will have to work harder.

As are we!

Tricia says that she’s sure Jennifer will be jealous and that it’s easier to lash out at someone else when your kid doesn’t do well. Jennifer should be lashing out at the single-helix Camarie got stuck with.

“To say that SamiJo did better than Camarie,” Jennifer says, while calling Camarie (where the hell is she?) to ask if she’s still crying, “No. Because photogenic is not based on performance at all.” She’s got ya there, Tricia.

“SamiJo is cute,” Jennifer says. “She’s a cute little girl. She probably got her looks from her dad.” HA! Way to be bitter.

Next Wednesday…Wild West competition and the three girls on T&T have the same coach. Draaaaamaaaa!

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Comments (187)
More About Author

About DearCrabby

A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

187 Comments

1

sagittariuskim

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Here I was earnestly trying to work on my Anthropology paper and study for my French final. And then I see the T&T recap is up, and fall back into the embrace of my old flame, procrastination.

So were the divorce papers already filed, the last time we saw Tricia and SamiJo? Because how do you get a divorce and move in with a new boyfriend in just 8 months? And like said on minicap I get the feeling the turtle farmer,is the one that filed for divorce.

I don’t understand how Calamari’s mom doesn’t see that something’s wrong with her. Doesn’t she see how the other kids at pageant act in comparison to her child?
2

notwithoutmytv

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Try editing a text book on how to read ECG strips when you know new stuff is being posted on TVgasm. It’s not hard to make THAT choice, either.
3

merry

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I’m going to call my mom right now and thank her for a) giving me a good, normal, human name; b) saving her money to buy me college instead of frilly prostitot dresses; and c) not being a whore.

I’ve always loved my mom, but T&T somehow makes the good parent a), b), and c) look like a Nobel-level accomplishment.
4

Kennyballerina

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Hahaha very well said this week DC. I hope that Squirdward’s mother pulls a Candice and checks out the recap and MAYBE realizes her kid needs some help.
5

notwithoutmytv

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Oh boy, DearCrabby, you better hope Jennifer doesn’t find her way to the site. She’ll be all “I hope making fun of children makes you feel like you have a life!” And you’ll be all “Um, that’s what this site is FOR.” And then she’ll be all “SATAN WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN IN HELL FOR AN ETERNITY YOU MEAN BITCH!!!!!!!” and then things will get rilly, rilly ugly.
6

snowshoecat

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Sagit, you made the correct choice. You had an anthropological buffet in the program tonight and I hope that watching mamas who spend money on glitzy dresses rather than unnecessary things like, oh, neutering pets, having a yard, getting a team of therapists, gave you some great ideas for your paper.

French word of the day: Merde.
7

snowshoecat

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:43 pm

She doesn’t need to now.
8

cattyfan

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Why are so many of these pageant kids hideous? And so few have necks.
9

Closet Fan

Posted April 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I would be 100% convinced that Camarie was seriously cognitively delayed but the fact that she was able to pull it together on stage tells me otherwise. Not that she was good but she was able to do what was expected of her. That being said, consulting with a speech therapist could not hurt as well as parenting classes for Jennifer because she sucks as a parent and her kid is rotten to the core.

If I were Tricia (I would kill myself) no seriously, why did she not have make up on at the pageant? She is obviously all about whoring herself “networking” why did she not take the time to look less rode hard and put away wet.

Again, does anyone know how many children Tricia has with how many men would be much appreciated?

Thanks DC, you rock!
10

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Just an FYI – It is Miss USA who competes for Miss Universe and/or blows Donald Trump. Miss America has no international pageant, it is what it is. I only know this because our podunk Nebraska town produced 2011′s Miss America, and there was much hoopla over the difference between the two!
11

notwithoutmytv

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Don’t be mean to Tricia! You don’t know her. She always shows me a GREAT time when I’m long-hauling through Oklahoma City. She makes a man feel like he’s king of his sleeper cab, believe you me!
12

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:03 pm

three boys and little miss plain face. She said in her first epi that she cried terrible with the birth of each boy because they were…you know, boys. I think they all belong to Mr. Turtle, but I wouldn’t bet on it, either.
13

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm

*terribly*. And yes, I know it doesn’t make much difference, but it makes me sound like I belong on this show and I just had to fix it…
14

Faye

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Am I wrong for wanting that birthday cake hat?

Little Squid is by far in the top 3 fugliest kids to be on this show. That fact that she should be wearing a helmet and a warning sign does not help her case.
15

Closet Fan

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

We at least need to give Tricia credit for not being sooooo desperate to enter pageants that she entered one of her boys. And I am not saying that boys can only play sports. Get them into acting classes or dance classes but not pageants. So wrong on so many freaking levels.
16

inpreference

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Dear Crabby…

best review to date! I have so many things to do today, but reading reviews on T&T always makes me feel better about life

ummm… what are they putting in the water in oklahoma?? not that I watch EVERY episode, (b/c I do), but every kid on the show from there has no ability to speak!
17

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Ah, Chadisty, for when Chastity is stupid, but just not quite stupid enough.
18

Chicken Lips

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Still reading, but this line is AWESOME, DC: “And the new boyfriend is probably more interested in your sandbags than you, because you are kind of one-dimensional whereas the pumpkins are not.”

I choked I was laughing so hard! I know someone else that fits that description to a tee, even though her tees don’t fit and she’s hanging out all over.
19

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Dang, crabby, you were on fire this week! The only thing that would make it better would be for any of the Cray-Crays to stop by…my vote is for Jennifer, so we can hear all about how gifted Rain Girl is…
20

Fan-Ann

Posted April 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm

“Say something nice, Annie.” Okay, the only positive I’ve got is that SamiJo seems like a sweet kid. I think we all get it by now that Tricia had delusions of SJ as Miss America. However, she has used the pageant attention as a vehicle for her own dubious stardom. Congrats Tricia, you’re a skank, I can’t imagine how much your in-laws hate you. I hope your husband gets custody so you can pursue your career
at Hooters full-time.

Crabby, I want to add my support to you and other posters disgusted by the animal abuse in this episode. It made me sick. What could
actually make both humans and wildlife ill was the very disturbing
scene with the deer carcass. In many states that at-home abattoir
would be highly illegal. Chronic Wasting Disease is a terrible threat
in deer and elk populations. It is a prion disease similar to Mad Cow
in cattle. It is spread by improper butchering and disposal of deer. No amount of money could convince me to use that idiot’s venison, or let my child visit their home.

NWMTV: Hie thyself to the free clinic and quit getting phone numbers off of bathroom walls!
21

CathodeTube

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:22 pm

So… calamari is said to have low levels of mercury in relation to other fish. Someone may want to reevaluate that.
22

Chicken Lips

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

OK, anyone else not buying that “She’s named after calamari because that’s what I ate when I was pregnant”, BS? People don’t do that. If they did, my name would be Tuna and my brother would be Jalapeno.

Here’s what I believe to be the true story. They wanted to name her after the place she was conceived, but they didn’t tell anybody the story until after the baby was born. So with their brand spanking new baby, they told the “cute” story about how they came up with the name Camary. Turns out, people laugh at you and call you cruel names (skank, whore, etc.) when you ‘fess up that your kid was conceived in the back of a Toyota. So, thinking fast (for the first and probably last time in her life), she makes up a story about “calamari” because of course it’s logical to derive “Camarie” from calamari.

I could be wrong here, but I’m thinking I’m closer to the “100% correct” side of the scale than I’m wrong.
23

snowshoecat

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Chicken, I do believe it. I do. Want to see pictures of my kids, strawberry and sashimi?
24

snowshoecat

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

We don’t talk too much about Harley. I was very young and flexible.
25

thisbuggs4u

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Chicken Lips, you must have tapped into my brain! I had just got done writing the same thing about Camarie, being conceived in the back of the family Camry!!! But Captcha ate my post…!

Also SamiJo is a cute child. I think she is cuter when she is “natural”. Mom on the other hand, dayum!!

As for babmi lying on the garage floor! Gross, just Gross! I thought the dog was gonna run off with the leg!
26

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Maybe it’s just that they haven’t shown us a lot of her since her trampy mom steals her scenes, but I think she is not ugly, but just painfully ordinary. There’s nothing there you can really make fun of, but there’s just…nothing there!
27

Chicken Lips

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:53 pm

And most likely had a great sense of balance, too. =)
28

R2Dcups

Posted April 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Lol if we all did that my kid totally should have been named bbq
29

R2Dcups

Posted April 23, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Yeah Camarie needs to see a dr stat!!! That little girls has some serious developmental delays.
30

crockpot

Posted April 23, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Don’t think Turtle Farmer is the father of Tricia’s boys. Believe he never was able to emotionally bond with his daughter with his wife desires for a porn future. She is a sick chick. If he is the father of any of the boys OK is strict on the father getting rights to rearing their children although they wouldn’t boot out the mother. SamiJo is doomed. Sad.
31

snowshoecat

Posted April 23, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Ahhhhh fond memories.
32

inpreference

Posted April 23, 2012 at 4:36 pm

oklahoma is fucked up!
33

PageantRefugee

Posted April 23, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Does anyone miss me yet?? LOL!!!
34

lovin it

Posted April 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

OMG!!! I have never responded to one of these before but WTF??? This was one of the best recaps EVER. I could have lived without the animal shots but otherwise, the previous poster was right. You are on fire tonight with this recap.
35

kay reid

Posted April 23, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Nope, just the pageants and the trashy people in them haha. And woohoo! Another T&T recap! Thanks DC. I love watching the madness and hot messes unfold here in the safety of my Canadian igloo.
36

Scottywrangler

Posted April 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

This is the best T&T recap EVAH!

“Oh, and she works at her “favorite” restaurant, a wings place that focuses on boobies, bazongas, jugs, ya-yas, ta-tas, cha-chas, coconuts, headlights, tits, peaks, pastries, jukes, cream pies, cantaloupes, love melons…but I can’t remember the name of it.”

Priceless!

“That’s right. If she doesn’t remove pappy, she’ll have a big white ring around her mouth. Discuss.

Brilliant!

And, as soon as I saw those two tanning salon chicks with the hair, I couldn’t wait to see what you had to say about them! Hilarious!

Now, I need to go call my favorite son, Mudslide.

Thanks for the laughs!
37

Brianna Quinn

Posted April 23, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Best recap ever. I’ve posted baby photos of my daughter “burned pizza” on my Facebook page. As that’s all I craved during my pregnancy.
38

joye

Posted April 23, 2012 at 5:58 pm

““Her facial beauty carries her a long way,” Jennifer says. Jennifer, if you actually look, there are one set of footprints, and that is Jesus carrying her to the plastic surgeon.”
Crabby, you have a gift and are my nominee for the Nobel Prize for Recapping and Telling It LIke It Is.
39

thisbuggs4u

Posted April 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm

YES PR!! Where have you been?!?!? Need some behind the sceens scoop lady!! How are the girls? Please tell me/us you know some dirt on these ladies
40

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

ugh! This was about the SamiJo being cute comment, I don’t know why it posted here
41

Jazzy

Posted April 23, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Oy, what a weird episode and great recap! SJ has NO future in pageants at all. What a blah kid. It was hilarious how she just stood there doing NOTHING on stage! What happened to her advanced knowledge of the system or whatever bs Tricia was babbling about? Tricia is a horrifying mother! Posing in her undies while SJ watches?? So sad. I think Mr. Turtle was only a sperm donor so T could get a pageant girl. Again, so sad.

I don’t know if Squid is delayed or just a major bee-yotch. She seems to use language ok when she wants to call someone a name. And she knew what to do onstage and did it a helluva lot better than SJ. Beats me.
42

Jazzy

Posted April 23, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Oh yeah, Destiny’s beauty dress was HIDEOUS. As was SJ’s crowning outfit! WTH was that, anyway??? I think cute crowning dresses should be required. Don’t wear the beauty dress again, and don’t put ugly birthday cake-like structures on the kid’s head either. Lordy, I need to start running a pageant. Who wants to be a judge?
43

AmyOops

Posted April 23, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Eh. I still think without question Tricia is the best mom of the three with the most well mannered, happy kids.

I won’t totally have another meltdown about the dogs like I did in the mini, but I’m curious about something…Crabby, you said your dogs are all puppy mill dogs. I’m guessing (please please please) that you rescued them? You go girl!

Ah, Calamari. Ugly inside and out. I wonder how she would have fared making a PSA (were she a little older) with the ANTM models. “Beauty Is Me”. NOT.
44

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 7:26 pm

ooh, I don’t know. You have to wonder what the boys are learning watching her slut it up in cage matches and Hooterville…it reminds me of those crime shows where the rapist/serial killer flashes back to his childhood watching his mom be a prostitute…

I know some moms strip because they need to, but they keep it secret from their kids, not flaunt it on TV. Can you imagine being those boys at school the next day? Also, I think Tricia seeks out that line of work to pad her ego, not because she’s that hard up for money.
45

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 7:28 pm

…Can you imagine being a 12-year-old boy, hanging out in your buddy’s garage, and there’s a calendar of your be-thonged mom over his dad’s workbench??? Oh jeebus, help these children…
46

ash1

Posted April 23, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Was it just me, or did Director Dena sound like she had a flipper in?
47

Closet fan

Posted April 23, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I only take in rescue dogs. We have two super fab boxers that we found on the internet and rescued from Arkansas. They drove them to DC. So much crazy, I forgot all about SJ deep knowledge of the business. I dont understand these mothers who swear that their kids are so beyond their years. Why can’t a 3 year old be on the level of a 3 year old? Tricia is in a league of her own saying that SJ is on the level of a 17 year old. She is an idiot.
48

maryedith

Posted April 23, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I was going to commend Tricia for at least not throwing a fit when SammiJo didn’t perform. But then I remembered that she hadn’t bothered to teach her a routine (because SammiJo is seventeen in spirit and doesn’t need a routine) and I realized Tricia didn’t give a shit whether SJ did well or not. It was supposed to be Tricia’s pageant until the other competitor dropped out. SJ was just the passport back onto TV.
49

Chicken Lips

Posted April 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I thought she just had a terrible case of locked jaw because she barely moved her mouth when she talked.

Maybe she did pageants and her talent was ventriloquism.
50

Djmacaronisalad

Posted April 23, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I had the same thought about Camari. Couldn’t believe she kept it together on stage. I totally expected her to fling poo or bite someone so I asked a child psychologist and fellow T&T fan at work and she said Camari definitely needs to be evaluated for developmental delays and autism. Camari may have ability to comprehend what’s happening around her and take direction but it appears she’s unable to be interactive and communicate. A lot of her behavioral problems might stem from her being frustrated at her inability to ask for what she wants or needs. Also I’m thinking at best, she was on stage for a minute? It’s “baseline” behavior that child development specialists evaluate. I hope this makes sense!
51

Fan-Ann

Posted April 23, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I agree that Tricia might be the best mother, only on this episode. As my father-in-law always said to me, ” You know you’re my favorite daughter-in-law, but look at the competition.”

And Calamari Camarie is definitely a Camry girl. I also think that Destiny will probably be called Density by middle school.

@PageantRefugee, of course you have been missed. You always have the best scoop.
52

whatwhat

Posted April 23, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I don’t know, I was kind of happy to see SammiJo again, in that “Oh look! That child hasn’t befallen some fate of terrible parenting and she’s so BIG and she’s walking and cute aww” kind of way.

Here’s the thing: SammiJo is adorbs for a kid. Her facial expressions while her mom is doing her crazy mom thing are sweet. But she’s adorable in the “I’m a kid” way, not the “I’m a Plasticine miniature Barbie robot beep boop sparklebaby” manufactured kind of way that most pageant kids are. She acts like a kid. And I would super hate to see that kid go through whatever bizarre grooming process those kids go through that turns them into the hand-swinging pained-grimace-smiling fake-kiss-blowing weird children like so many we’ve seen paraded around on this show.

So if Tricia doesn’t have a coach or a routine for the kid, I’d have to say that’s far more of a blessing than anything else, because it’s far less likely the kid will default into that bizarre child-robot and just stay a kid. AS SHE SHOULD BE.

…lord some of these kids are creepier than that little old lady down the street’s doll collection. You know the one.
53

J-Nut

Posted April 23, 2012 at 10:46 pm

A quick look on Google indicates that no, swag is how you present yourself. Well consider me luxuriated in this new word!

LMAO!!! Oh, Crabby! You always bring a grin to my face!

I thought that Destiny and her upside-down “pappy” was just too weird. She probably getting ready for ALL aspects of being on the pole.

And there is definitely something wrong with Squidley’s development.

It’s a sad day when the best performing featured kid is SamiJo, who I still think is fugly.

Tricia, you are so, so deluded.
54

J-Nut

Posted April 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I was thinking the same thing about a Toyota Camry!
55

Pat Ledoux

Posted April 24, 2012 at 7:16 am

Oh Crabby, why do you write such fodder when I am drinking a glass of Coca-Cola and I laugh so damn hard it went up my nose- OWW That freakin hurt, but so worth it! Keep up the good work, can’t wait for tomorrow’s episode!
56

SaraKate

Posted April 24, 2012 at 8:23 am

Oh, no, not necessarily. I have a feeling that Tricia had her backup man on the side when we last saw her. And whose to say that they waited until the divorce was final to move in with each other? Poor kids.
57

Isabelle

Posted April 24, 2012 at 8:31 am

Am I the only one wondering what happened to mole sporter-BFF-godmother-lingerie football league teammate Whitnei?
58

mom2redheads

Posted April 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

Tricia “clears it all up for us” in a video she just posted on SamiJo’s Fan Page on Facebook. She was set up, ya’ll!
https://www.facebook.com/SamiJoGrace
59

moragkim

Posted April 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

So she is still BFF with the mole then. Actually I buy most of what she says, if only because she is not smart enough to lie.
60

ash1

Posted April 24, 2012 at 9:53 am

Wow, go to SamiJo Grace of facebook, or Tricia J. O’Neill. You’ll see trampy’s hilarious take on the episode, and, also, Whitnei!
61

Mom_O_BigMac

Posted April 24, 2012 at 10:11 am

“Where am I? Does anyone have any weed?”
OMG Crabby the tears are still running down my face.

I’ll admit it. I’ve been a lurker since day one. But I just had to comment on this recap it is DA BOMB baby!!!

Yes I am a pageant mom. Just call my daughter Big Mac.
62

Closet Fan

Posted April 24, 2012 at 10:20 am

I can’t wait for part 2!
63

nelliebelle1197

Posted April 24, 2012 at 10:33 am

Yes. yes, you are
64

Closet Fan

Posted April 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2012/04/eden-wood-mom-new-single-listen-it-here-mickie

OMG! Mickie Wood’s new song about pageant Moms. For real.
65

nelliebelle1197

Posted April 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

Just checked out Tricia’s Facebook page. Her cell phone number is clearly visible. Anyone who reads this who may know her might want to let her know.
66

Mimi Marquez

Posted April 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

I think there should be a recap of this video.
67

Sahara60

Posted April 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

I edit textbooks too! Although nothing as terribly exciting as ECG strips (whatever they are)! And as you can see, I’m working hard at the moment as well, lol.
68

ash1

Posted April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

The video was taken down due to “legal issues” Probably meaning TLC whipped out her contract and threatened to sue her cheap ass!
69

Dear Crabby

Posted April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Or we should all call her to buy a calendar and have them sent to her ex-husband.

Thanks for the comments…be sure to check out the Eden’s World recap/show…talk about a trainwreck! And it’s true, Eden is the least irritating character there.
70

ash1

Posted April 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm

According to the video, before it was pulled, Ex-hubby had already moved his pregnant fiance in before the divorce was final. They are now married and expecting.

Tricia and boytoy were already broken up at the time of taping, but TLC asked them to “be together” for the show, and they “saw no harm in that.”

SamiJo was booked for a later episode, but when producers interviewed squiddie’s mom, they called Tricia and told her to get to the pageant, in order to pit the two of them against each other.

Whitnei couldn’t go because she was out of the state, due to the last minute swap.

I hope TLC sues the shit out of her…just because they can…
71

Closet fan

Posted April 24, 2012 at 12:58 pm

She wrote that she will repost later. I am sure that it will be less finger pointing at TLC.
72

notwithoutmytv

Posted April 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Tricia told me that I was the ONLY one she’d give her cell number too.

Bitch lied to me!
73

jaime sommers

Posted April 24, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Every time I think Dear Crabby has outdone herself, she pulls out the extra primo good, annihilating, deathly-funny megatron bomb of a new T&T recap.

I was wondering myself if Camarie was actually supposed to be Campari, because girlfriend acted like her mother had been a heavy drinker. I wanted to reach into my television and dropkick that little twat when she threw down the puppy by its cheeks. I actually gasped in horror, which, while I do so in my head with regularity at the hicktastic white trash regularly highlighted on this show, my dog raised her head next to me with a wrinkled forehead, worried that she’d have to kick someone’s ass (she’s a German shepherd, so she’s always on full alert). Speaking of dogs.. Hey, pageants.. pssst..

STOP GIVING AWAY PUPPIES AS PRIZES YOU MOTHER-EFFING PIECES OF DUMB-ASS GOOBER SHIT

My only wish is that with all the traveling these people do to crappy motels that all of them end up with a raging case of bed bugs they can’t afford to pay someone to get rid of. Yeah, I said it.
74

talk it then

Posted April 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

okay.. mom of Sami Jo.. must I call her a mother.. ho, she is horrible.. This show was not meant for you.. Your daughter has not won anything in the pageant world.. except photo which means zilch.. get off the tv you are wasting my time and money and everyone elses.. What a disgrace! I have seen it all..
75

formerpageant mom

Posted April 24, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I am a (now former) pageant mom, and yes, you have wrote about me
I must say I know one of these moms outside of the show, and she is pretty cool. She really is a good mother. I think the show has a knack for taking good moms and making them APPEAR odd. They also are great at finding the few not so nice moms and encouraging them and that sort of behavior. I personally had never met any of the ‘not so nice’ moms until a recent pageant, then I was shocked. Most of those types are brand new to pageants and think they know it all. Of course they think their kid is the best, even though they have just started competing. They also get mad and talk smack to anyone who will listen and blame everyone but themselves.
I decided that we will for now stop competing because of those types of moms that have burst onto the scene. Most of those types of moms don’t even understand pageants, they just find out a big tv show is going to be there and they think they will become a star and overnight pageant success.
For the pageant families that have been in the pageant community for years, you are wonderful. For the “newbies” you have a lot to learn, and understanding with great sportsmanship is just a couple things.
76

ash1

Posted April 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Oh dear god, where to begin? This is the problem I have with your “pageant culture.” Here you are, a grown woman, someone’s mother, who writes like a third-grader. I wish you moms would guide your daughters toward more academic pursuits, but it seems of little value to you, and that is just sad. Telling ANYONE else they have “a lot to learn” about a “system” that is inherently demeaning, ignorant, and superficial just makes you sound even more ignorant. It is always funny when one of you comes on here to defend pageants against some intruder or misunderstanding, and you are missing the point: BEAUTY PAGEANTS ARE BAD FOR LITTLE GIRLS. They teach the wrong values, in the wrong way, at the wrong time. When ONE pageant mom comes on this site and can write and reason at a collegiate level, we’ll take you seriously…maybe…
77

mscool

Posted April 24, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Hi there, ash1. I didn’t get the impression that formerpageantmom came on here to defend the pageants so much as to say there are different types of parents who enroll their kids in the pageants. I definitely feel that the moms in this past episode were more obvious attention-seekers.

I must admit when I comment I don’t always do a grammar/spell check. I’m sure someone could infer that my writing is way lower than it is!

I certainly share your sentiments about pageants so I feel a bit hypocritical watching the show but I cannot turn away from it. The human interest in these parents is just too fascinating!

Have a great day. Ms. Cool
78

Ms Cool

Posted April 24, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I sure would like a recap of that video on TVGasm…
79

maryedith

Posted April 24, 2012 at 4:45 pm

ash, I have to say that formerpageantmom’s writing is, if anything, slightly above the usual standard on comment threads.

But I agree with everything else you say. It’s a sad fact of life that parents have to go to other people to tell them most things about their kids — are they smart enough? are they good enough at sports to win anything? are they talented? The mothers who enroll their kids in pageants are asking other people to tell them exactly the things that only parents should judge — Am I pretty? Am I lovable? Should people like me?

Every time one of the “good” mothers on the show tells her kid something like, “I don’t need a pageant to tell me you’re a STAR!” I think, “Yes you do, apparently. Why the hell else have you signed her up for a beauty pageant?”
80

ash1

Posted April 24, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I’ll admit to being a bit of a grammar snob, but truly, the fact that they don’t even seem to be interested in having their daughters grow up to be doctors, teachers, executives, or anything other than “superstars” just gets under my skin. You have to admit, there is a common, difficult to interpret type of writing that usually accompanies these moms. You’re right, this one isn’t as bad as some (Candes, for one,) but it just seems education is so far down on the list of priorities for ANY of the pageant families we see.
81

nelliebelle1197

Posted April 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I think it’s on the bathroom wall at most Hooters locations, too
82

Djmacaronisalad

Posted April 24, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Right on! I love this! Those dogs deserve better!
83

StageMom

Posted April 24, 2012 at 11:37 pm

As a current pageant mom, I hope that my daughter grows up to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a CEO. Not a teacher, teachers don’t make nearly enough to support themselves. The majority of pageant girls in my daughter’s age group (over 10) are beautiful, confident and smart. They also happen to be very sweet kids. You don’t see the amount of time these kids spend hanging out together and the majority of the kids and parents get along.

Why do I put my daughter in pageants? Because I feel that being self confident and able to present herself is just as important as her grades. I have worked with many brilliant people who never achieve their full potential in life, because they lack people skills or the ability to get up in front of a crowd and project their personality and ideas to a group. By doing pageants, I hope she gains the tools she needs to make herself heard and not get lost by the wayside.

When we started, my daughter was a beautiful, brilliant and shy little girl. After a couple of years of competition, she has worked through the shyness and can speak comfortably in front of her class. The transformation has been extraordinary. My family was not on board with the concept of beauty pageants when we started, but they’ve seen the changes and they now support us 100%.

Why did we pick pageants? She picked them after watching T&T. She enjoys playing dress up and the sparkly crowns. She was older when she started, but I don’t knock the little ones who compete, there are babies who transform under the lights, who are a joy to watch on stage. Chances are, you aren’t going to be seeing them on T&T any time soon, but I swear there are babies and little kids who love to compete.

My daughter knows that she is pretty and loveable no matter what the results of the pageant are. She also knows that how well she does is tied to how well she projects her personality on stage. Every girl, well almost every girl, in the line is just as pretty, well almost as pretty, as my daughter. The winner is determined by how well they connect with the judges and how much of her personality they are able to see during her 90 seconds on stage.

Education is always going to be #1 in our house. She is a straight A student (as are most of our pageant friends) on the honor roll, in the TAG program with several activities outside of pageants. She hopes to one day move on to the Miss America Outstanding Teen program. Baby glitz pageants don’t always work in favor of girls who want to transition, but given the level of shyness we were working with at the start, I think they will help her achieve her goal. Don’t lump all pageant moms together based on what you see on a TV show. We value education more than anything else in our household, but pageants have a place and purpose as an ancillary activity just as much as dance and gymnastics do.
84

Ms Cool

Posted April 25, 2012 at 12:02 am

Hi Stagemom – thank you for your insight. I just wish you had made your points without constantly mentioning your daughter’s beauty. It tends to deflate your argument (for me).

I can certainly see how pageants can instill confidence in the manner you describe. I still disagree with your choice (after all, they aren’t called inner beauty contests), but I will agree that he girls we see win have a drive and confidence that sets them apart from some of the others. Unfortunately, we have seen a real ugly side of the winners and their parents on this show.

I am happy that you describe such a well-adjusted little girl. The parenting style you describe is certainly not one that is showcased on the show. I feel like you comment frequently on these recaps (sorry – I cannot remember) so you know that it really is the attention-starved arents
85

Ms Cool

Posted April 25, 2012 at 12:04 am

Oh sorry – I did not finish my thought. I wanted to say it is the attention-starved parents that truly get the wrath on this site. I wish t&t would give us a few more to like.
86

ash1

Posted April 25, 2012 at 12:15 am

“how well she does is tied to how well she projects her personality on stage.” This is what I think a lot of us take issue with. Teaching women to “project their personality” with cutesy moves, phony grins, and sappy faces, while dressed in often-sexualized clothes is exactly the WRONG message. Girls should be taught to express their personality with their voices and intelligence, or an actual talent, not this Pro-Am posing crap. If your goals for your daughter really are that lofty, you should be encouraging her to use her voice, not her smile and eyelashes to convey who she is. This practiced, posed, crap will get her nowhere in a college interview or the corporate world. If they had an interview portion in the pageant (which they occasionally do, but it is not the norm,) you might have a case for practicing to be taken seriously as a woman, but the whole concept that they NEVER SPEAK is creepy, sexist, and IS NOT preparing them for a life beyond prom queen. If it’s just a fun hobby, so be it, but quit acting like it is teaching life skills, because ANY other hobby would do a better job of that!
87

ash1

Posted April 25, 2012 at 12:21 am

cont’d
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying looks don’t matter in the real world, because they do, but this in-your-face “look at me, I’m adorable” garbage is not the same as an elegant, understated beauty who isn’t obviously trying to use her looks to slide by, but just happens to be lovely. That’s the difference. It’s a matter of class. It’s Anne Hathaway versus Anna Nicole Smith…
88

StageMom

Posted April 25, 2012 at 12:25 am

I called her beautiful once. She is beautiful to me no matter what. I mentioned that the other girls in her group are also beautiful. I also stand by that. I brought up the “pretty and loveable” because that was mentioned by maryedith. I am her mom and I will always find her to be pretty and loveable. She doesn’t need a pageant to tell her that, but in a day and age where children are bombarded with images depicting what Madison Ave considers to be beautiful, I hope she can look in the mirror (even as a teenager with oily hair, braces and acne) and still feel beautiful. I could never judge a pageant though, I feel that most children are beautiful. With a couple of notable exceptions that made me do a double take and wonder what kind of trick Darwin was playing on humanity….

Someone posted a link to a reditt post this week from a former production assistant which basically outlines the recruiting and editing that go into making each episode good tv. We will not do any pageant that is followed by T&T because I feel the parents tend to become extreme when the cameras are on, and people who were perfectly nice a month ago turn into idiots because they are being filmed. The fact is most reputable pageant systems will not let T&T film. I can think of several national systems that you will never see on that show.

There are a lot of positives to pageants, you just don’t tend to see them when T&T shows idiots like these. And lets be honest, the show is getting exactly what they wanted. This post has almost 100 comments, while the episodes with boring normal people with boring normal kids can barely squeak by with 30. I love the recaps here because the fact is these people are just as crazy to the majority of pageant moms as they are to the non pageant people. If anything, we appreciate the snark more because we’ve met some of these nuts and they are as crazy in person as they are on the show.
89

StageMom

Posted April 25, 2012 at 12:48 am

You have never seen my daughter so you have no idea what she’s been taught or how she expresses her personality. Most of the moves you are describing are common amongst the younger group. I see the same moves at dance and cheer competitions and they are referred to there as “facials”. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves. I’m not sure if they are socially acceptable in dance and cheer but not in pageants? Regardless, the older girls focus on things like eye contact and being able to connect with the judges. These are skills that do carry over to college interviews, or even debates.

My daughter has a full schedule with dance, gymnastics, a seasonal sport, music and enrichment classes. She has a real college fund, not a pageant backup plan. My husband and I are both considered educated professionals, and this is typical amongst our pageant peers. I’m sure this is regional as I also watch these episodes and wonder where they get their participants.

There is nothing I can say to convince you that what we do as parents work with my child and her personality, but I assure you, we evaluate every decision we make with our kids and are careful to only do things that are positive and fun. Yes, at the end of the day, we have fun doing these. It may not be something you see value in but we do and that’s why we continue. I’ve met several former pageant queens, some of which come back to judge, some of which own their own systems, and I have a good amount of respect for these ladies. They have gone on and done well in their lives, well beyond prom queen.
90

Bluedog

Posted April 25, 2012 at 2:08 am

Crabby, I agree with you about the puppy farms. I know a breeder who is making her bitches “push out” puppies at an alarming rate. The females do not get a chance to recover. I can’t think about it or I will be in tears. Thank goodness though Pit Bulls and those types of breeds are banned here. We have just been on holidays and missed our babies so much I had to text the “sitter” every day to find out how they were and by the way that Blue, Lily (or as I call her Daddy’s little furry princess) and Jack jumped all over us they missed us too.
I don’t know how you can eat deer or let your father hunt them. I just saw a small herd at Dubbo Zoo. They are beautiful creatures. I too eat meat but as far as I am concerned it comes from little packages wrapped in plastic at the supermarket that way I don’t have to think about the animals it comes from.
However, my daughter who loves pigs and pork is the finance and computer nerd for a company that has piggeries and she assures me that they have a good life with the best food and are raised in conditions that are better than some human houses.

Incidently, while we were away my daughter and I competed at the Aussie equivalent of a pageant. A performing arts competition. We were both in the open section. She sang and I performed a monologue. Neither of us won or placed and we were beaten by competitors over 60 years old. All of us had a great time backstage and I was told by the 85 year old singer who gained a place that she would see me next year “ïf she was still alive”.

Anyway back to T&T – you can still sing, dance and act even into your 80′s BUT what is Tricia going to do when she gets older and gravity takes over and her skin has wrinkles and Sammi Jo has finally told her that she is going to live with her non pageant father. I can tell her from experience that short skirts and bikinis have a “use by” date.
91

Bluedog

Posted April 25, 2012 at 2:19 am

I think that because Eden, Mackenzie and others have become “famous” because of being on the show other parents are probably thinking that T&T is a good way to get their child noticed.
92

snowshoecat

Posted April 25, 2012 at 5:01 am

Hi Stagemom: crossover question. Would a girl your daughter’s age want to be coached by a six year old? I remember being a tween, and I would have resented the little twerp.

BTW, Theatre is a wonderful way for a kid to develop all those skills in a cooperative, rather than competitive way.
93

maryedith

Posted April 25, 2012 at 5:48 am

I got through the first few sentences of stagemom’s apologia and then gave up. It’s the same old bullshit about pageants increasing self-esteem. If you want your daughter to grow in confidence, put her on the debate team or sign her up for soccer. France is considering a ban on child pageants because they cause girls to objectify themselves sexually at too young an age and this causes VERY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. Your daughter may gain some confidence speaking in front of her class but is that worth the damage these beauty shows cause?
94

maryedith

Posted April 25, 2012 at 5:49 am

I didn’t mean to interrupt you, Ms Cool. My comment just got inserted there by the powers that be.
95

snowshoecat

Posted April 25, 2012 at 6:01 am

Vive La France! Repression and all. *sigh*
96

StageMom

Posted April 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm

maryedith:

I got through the first few sentences of stagemom’s apologia and then gave up. It’s the same old bullshit about pageants increasing self-esteem. If you want your daughter to grow in confidence, put her on the debate team or sign her up for soccer. France is considering a ban on child pageants because they cause girls to objectify themselves sexually at too young an age and this causes VERY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. Your daughter may gain some confidence speaking in front of her class but is that worth the damage these beauty shows cause?

Since when do we use France as our moral compass? Freedom fries anyone? Besides, it’s easy to ban something you don’t have.

I have yet to see a credible large scale study that shows any harm from beauty pageants. Google tells me 250,000 kids compete a year but I don’t see any evidence to suggest that competing in pageants is any more harmful than dance, cheer, gymnastics or an hour of commercials from Monday night football. I agree that bad parenting can be dangerous and you see a lot of bad parenting on the show, because that brings in ratings, but I’ve seen a lot worse parenting at sporting events, dance competitions and even spelling bees. Her outfits and routines are in no way shape or form sexual. I’ve seen things at dance competitions 100000 times worse than anything on T&T. Go check out showstoppers on YouTube and tell me what you think of those routines.

My daughter does this activity in addition to several others, because they are fun. If they weren’t fun we wouldn’t do it. I was forced to do gymnastics as a kid and I swore my kids wouldn’t be forced into activities they didn’t want to do. We will do this as long as its fun so please don’t worry about her self esteem. There are way worse things to concern yourself with. If you are looking for a worthy cause maybe you can go sign the change.org petition for the little autistic boy who’s teachers verbally abused him in class.
97

itchy

Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I’ll just stick up for France a little bit (since I live here). The “Freedom Fries” thing was a Republican tagline used in order to denigrate France’s opposition while lying through their teeth to the American public in order to rally the flags around their desire to invade Iraq — which, it must be noted, had done nothing to provoke said invasion.

So, yeah, for this one, at least, France’s moral compass was pointing in the right direction.
98

StageMom

Posted April 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm

itchy:

I’ll just stick up for France a little bit (since I live here). The “Freedom Fries” thing was a Republican tagline used in order to denigrate France’s opposition while lying through their teeth to the American public in order to rally the flags around their desire to invade Iraq — which, it must be noted, had done nothing to provoke said invasion.
So, yeah, for this one, at least, France’s moral compass was pointing in the right direction.

I’m not disagreeing with you, my point was when did the general American public really care what France thought? If we followed their lead we could have a workable public/private national insurance system.

I’m sorry I’m long winded. I love Crabbys recaps as much if not more than the rest of you. I just hope people remember that this is a reality show that is staged and cut together to be entertaining. If you ever went to a pageant you’d be bored out of your mind and a little disappointed. The majority of kids and parents are more like Ally and Samara or Alisha and Cassadee.
99

confusedinCanada

Posted April 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

First time poster, I read this recap as soon as it was posted but just didn’t know what to say. So I’ve been reading all the comments and finally am brave enough to come out and speak or type as the case maybe.

I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed that this show has me hooked. It’s like one of the those dirty little secret shows you watch and hope to hell no one knows about.

I feel so sorry for these kids. The “squid” is going to have such a rough and tough time growing up, my brother was like her and he life was pure hell so much that at 24 he OD on sleeping pills.

Please don’t jump down my throat here, but being a Canadian (we’re the overly polite nation that say sorry when you hit us) but are these pageants very much of a Southern US state thing? Do people like this really exist or is this the work of very clever and highly paid writers? Seriously, WTF, Tricia she’s 2 not 14, she doesn’t need to see you stick your butt out there looking some streetwalker trolling for customers. Great example to set for your kids. The only thing that I hold on to for hope is that she really only gets the kids on the weekends or everyone other weekend and Dad gets them the rest of the time.

Now for my soap box time, again WTF is wrong with these directors, puppies are not like disposable paper plates, they are living breathing creature with feelings and need to be taken care of. I realize they are the “IN” thing to have as an accessory. I bred cats for 12 years and all of my kittens went to home once they were spayed or neutered, this was usually done at 8 weeks old. I was the first one in Canada to have this particular bred of cats and people would ask me how much a breeder was when I told them I didn’t sell breeders they would ask me how much a pet was, like no you’re not getting a kitten and if you did they are fixed. I quit breeding when someone at a cat show poisoned the cat next to me. Anyways I feel more sorry for these innocent puppies then I do for these kids.

I agree with Bluedog, these so called “mothers” are seeing these shows and the kids and thinking it’s easy money, my kid can be famous as well. I can have that 15 minutes of fame. Been there done that with the cats, got sick and tired of having a camera or mic shoved in my face to discuss my cats. Enjoy it well it lasts ladies because in the long run and the light of the new day you are only exposing yourself to the low life trolls you are.

Now to go back into the closet so I can keep enjoying these recaps and all of your comments. Thanks to everyone for voicing sometimes exactly what I was thinking and sometimes, okay usually, better than I could say.
100

crankyguy

Posted April 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Shit! Now I can’t tell you that if you like the French way of doing things so much, then maybe you should move there.
101

crabbyfan

Posted April 25, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I come on here to read a GREAT recap of the show, but WOW, the comments are almost just as good of a read!

I’d like to see a show of everyone who is commenting watching the a T&T episode live!! now THAT would be a good show!
102

Jenn

Posted April 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Trashy Tricia-
In an 8th month time frame she leaves her husband and takes her 4 kids and now lives with her new boyfriend! Nasty fucking whore!
OMG! Someone please tell her how stupid she looks. She is making such a fool out of herself! She did not get paid for taking those pictures. She PAID to have those pictures taken! Stupid ass bitch!
Where is there father???? It couldn’timagine that it would be too hard for him to get custudy of those kids.
If Camarie dared slap at me or call me a bitch, I would have smacked her into next week! Rotten miserable little brat!
103

Closet fan

Posted April 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I just read about tonight’s episode. Grand prize? A poor defenseless Puppy! for the love of God… WHY?
104

Gi

Posted April 25, 2012 at 6:01 pm

It’s all editing!! Hehe!!!
105

nelliebelle1197

Posted April 25, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Actually, French Enlightenment philosophy form the much of the political, philosophical and moral underpinnings of our founders. I think France has had a lot to do with the moral compass of the United States. Throwing out what amounts to insults against the French and bringing up that freedom fry/sean hannity crap as a rationale does not exactly validate your arguments.
106

Closet fan

Posted April 25, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Tonight. I loved the girls, liked the moms, hated the producers! A puppy? What is wrong with you people?
107

fancyface

Posted April 25, 2012 at 8:06 pm

You know, I always wondered why the show would play ‘hip hop’ sounding music everytime they showed Sammi Jo. The first time they were followed they played the generic hip hop beats and I was confused as to why. They’ve know done it everytime she’s on. Now I’m thinking, maybe she’s into black guys and rap music and this is the way the editors are letting us know that lol.
108

fancyface

Posted April 25, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Right? All I could think was Crabby is going to loveee that one mom saying exactly what she says every time a puppy is given away. “A puppy is a responsibility that you don’t just give someone. It’s like, you won a pageant, here’s your set of twins.” lol. I’m sure that will make it into the recap for the new epi because that mom deserves some serious props for making that statement on tv!

BTW, I almost cried at the end when Daisy was so upset about her ‘friend’ Alaska blowing her off. But wait (in my Teresa Guidice voice), we can’t talk about that because that’s the next episode, right? lol
109

Chicken Lips

Posted April 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm

The recap will probably be late because Dear Crabby will still be passed out from the sheer magnitude of the riches upon riches of recappage gold available in tonight’s episdoe. One look at one of the families and I lost my breath in excitement for the recap!
110

StageMom

Posted April 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Closet fan:

I just read about tonight’s episode. Grand prize? A poor defenseless Puppy! for the love of God… WHY?

Maybe they got the hookup from Camaries mom?
111

psychiatricnurse

Posted April 25, 2012 at 9:55 pm

It is unfortunate that there is so much focus on physical qualities. When beauty and youth fade is a woman worthless? Self esteem is built upon how one feels about who they are, not how they look. Sammi Jo’s mother really disturbs me. Tricia rationalizes her questionable parenting skills by stating that her daughter is emotionally advanced far and above her chronological age. This is a biological impossibility, she has obviously has exposed this child to situations that have hypersexualized her. This doesn’t mean the child is intellectually superior, it means she is used to what she is constantly exposed to. A 2 year old brain is simply not able to be “a 17 year old”- this is so grossly inappropriate and clearly an attempt to enable a seriously dysfunctional parent. Pageants do not mean anything to this child, it is another venue for her mother to gain “esteem” for having her child be seen as attractive and therefore she is worthy because of this.
112

Closet fan

Posted April 26, 2012 at 5:39 am

And Alaska won it.
113

StageMom

Posted April 26, 2012 at 7:33 am

Of course she did. Alaska is always at pageants, every single weekend. They drive up to 16 hours to get there. Funny thing is you see her winning on T&T but she doesn’t do well at the bigger national pageants. Kind of like Eden who could only win on Universal Royalty at T&T The puppy wasn’t even the highest title, it was a door add on. Someone else won the highest title. I can only wonder what they do with school. You see a lot of pageant girls who are well rounded, who do pageants along with other activities, and then you see girls who are being prepped for a life on the pole. With a name like Alaska, a lack of focus on education and a mom who self promotes like crazy you can only guess where this one is going. At least the puppy seems loved but I still think it’s a stupid prize
114

confusedincanada

Posted April 26, 2012 at 8:01 am

I never thought of that, seriously do you think these puppies are coming from puppy mills?
115

fancyface

Posted April 26, 2012 at 8:44 am

I suspected it from your previous comments, but this one just confirmed it. You are, no matter how much you claim not to be, one of THOSE pageant moms. If you’re so above the drama and your family is so high & mighty, why begrudge a child of her winnings? You making negative comments about Alaska because she’s doing so well shows your true colors.

Only a jealous pageant mom would say:

“Of course she did. Alaska is always at pageants, every single weekend (which means she’s probably kicked your daughters butt a time or two). They drive up to 16 hours to get there (as do other pageant moms and moms who’s children participate in competitive sports that require travel to compete..ie: all star cheer and traveling baseball teams to name a few). Funny thing is you see her winning on T&T but she doesn’t do well at the bigger national pageants (again, screams HATER to begrudge her of her success regardless of where she wins, which a quick google search would tell you that not only is she doing well @ national pageants, she’s won some great titles, so yeah…there’s THAT). Kind of like Eden who could only win on Universal Royalty at T&T (again, see my previous comment about hating on a winning child) The puppy wasn’t even the highest title, it was a door add on (and this matters because?). Someone else won the highest title. I can only wonder what they do with school (why, because only your BEAUTIFUL daughter can be successful in pageants and excel @ school? Please!).”

I think I just pulled your mask off, so feel free to tell us which episode your daughter was in so you can prove how great she is.
116

crankyguy

Posted April 26, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I luv a good bitchslap.
117

Closet fan

Posted April 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Good Tre Imitation! I actually felt sorry for Alaska. She is a kid for right or wrong was just handed her new puppy and the other kids being kids were clawing at it. If the directors had a freaking brain ( and we know they don’t they gave away a damn puppy). They would have given the puppy to Alaska and her mother away from the crowds. That poor puppy was probably so scared!
118

Closet fan

Posted April 26, 2012 at 1:34 pm

@fancyface. Well said. Regarding Alaska and her mother. I ranted on them during their episode so I will keep this brief. At least Alaska wants to be there. Truly. Lori is not forcing her to compete like so many of the other moms. I would never put my daughter in a pageant. That is my choice. The girls we have seen that want to be there do have fun. I think the youngest age should be 7 years old. At that age they can really decide if they like it or not. If you are a pageant mom please do not reply that your 3 year old really really wants to be there. I am calling bullshit on that. They do not have the maturity level at that point. Also, I think you see a lot more of the butt shaking and flirting from the younger kids than you see with the older ones. The older ones do their walk, smile and slide across the stage. We have seen and I have very much enjoyed the older girls. The one who ” pushed it like she was homeless” was adorable. She went to her mother and asked. Again, not my thing but I have less to say about the older girls. So maybe 10 instead of 7.
119

Closet fan

Posted April 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Her name was Hailey. Her mothers name was Shemanda.
120

crabbyfan

Posted April 26, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I do like that there were some “decent” mom’s on last nights episode. It’s nice to see a bit of contrast from the trash that was the Tricia episode.

Seriously, Y’all’s comments are amazing! Better than watching the show
121

StageMom

Posted April 26, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Sometimes I feel bad for the t&t families because they aren’t as crazy and trashy as the editing makes them out to be. This family is.

I’m afraid you won’t see us on any episodes because we don’t do any pageant being filmed. After Lori’s issues this week I’m willing to bet she stops following the t&t cameras around the country.
122

fancyface

Posted April 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Hmmm, that’s interesting. Your last comment surely didn’t come off as being written by someone who says “Sometimes I feel bad for the t&t families because they aren’t as crazy and trashy as the editing makes them out to be.” If I recall, my comment was in response to you umm, let’s see, TRYING TO MAKE A FAMILY SEEM CRAZY AND TRASHY without merit. I’m convinced that Alaska has wiped the floor with your darling daughter now more than ever.

Look, not many of us are Lori fans. I mean, I personally wanted to form a mob to go drag her out of her house and hold her down while I poured a combination of eyelash bleach & teeth whitener in her eyes, throat, & ears as she watched me cut her son’s precious hair that he ‘obviously got from her’ off to make him look like the BOY he is after her first episode. And not a lot of us approve of the way Alaska acted on her 2nd show, clearly the exposure and her whacky mom has gone to her head. BUT, we don’t pretend to take the high road and then turn around and bash a little girl because she’s winning titles. We call bitches out all the time & we own that shit! Take your nonsense to the rainbow boards or whatever the heck you crazy moms call the site where you eat each other alive, or give honest comments about what’s really going on, If you hate the bitch because her daughter is succeeding, SAY IT! We don’t care! We LOVE pageant mom snark here at the Gasm, in case you haven’t noticed. Don’t try to act all righteous about pageants in one comment and then dismiss a child’s accomplishments because you’re jealous in another!

And Btw, “After Lori’s issues this week I’m willing to bet she stops following the t&t cameras around the country.” ??? did I miss something. What exactly are the ‘issues’ that’s going to send Lori into hiding? The 2 big titles her daughter won? Because other than that, I don’t get it. And sadly, I don’t think you do either, Hon. I’m sorry. I hope you can get some help with that.
123

fancyface

Posted April 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Hmmm, that’s interesting. Your last comment surely didn’t come off as being written by someone who says “Sometimes I feel bad for the t&t families because they aren’t as crazy and trashy as the editing makes them out to be.” If I recall, my comment was in response to you umm, let’s see, TRYING TO MAKE A FAMILY SEEM CRAZY AND TRASHY without merit. I’m convinced that Alaska has wiped the floor with your darling daughter now more than ever.

Look, not many of us are Lori fans. I mean, I personally wanted to form a mob to go drag her out of her house and hold her down while I poured a combination of eyelash bleach & teeth whitener in her eyes, throat, & ears as she watched me cut her son’s precious hair that he ‘obviously got from her’ off to make him look like the BOY he is after her first episode. And not a lot of us approve of the way Alaska acted on her 2nd show, clearly the exposure and her whacky mom has gone to her head. BUT, we don’t pretend to take the high road and then turn around and bash a little girl because she’s winning titles. We call bitches out all the time & we own that shit! Take your nonsense to the rainbow boards or whatever the heck you crazy moms call the site where you eat each other alive, or give honest comments about what’s really going on, If you hate the bitch because her daughter is succeeding, SAY IT! We don’t care! We LOVE pageant mom snark here at the Gasm, in case you haven’t noticed. Don’t try to act all righteous about pageants in one comment and then dismiss a child’s accomplishments because you’re jealous in another!

And Btw, “After Lori’s issues this week I’m willing to bet she stops following the t&t cameras around the country.” ??? did I miss something. What exactly are the ‘issues’ that’s going to send Lori into hiding? The 2 big titles her daughter won? Because other than that, I don’t get it. And sadly, I don’t think you do either, Hon. I’m sorry. I hope you can get some help with that.

StageMom:

Sometimes I feel bad for the t&t families because they aren’t as crazy and trashy as the editing makes them out to be. This family is.
I’m afraid you won’t see us on any episodes because we don’t do any pageant being filmed. After Lori’s issues this week I’m willing to bet she stops following the t&t cameras around the country.

Hmmm, that’s interesting. Your last comment surely didn’t come off as being written by someone who says “Sometimes I feel bad for the t&t families because they aren’t as crazy and trashy as the editing makes them out to be.” If I recall, my comment was in response to you umm, let’s see, TRYING TO MAKE A FAMILY SEEM CRAZY AND TRASHY without merit. I’m convinced that Alaska has wiped the floor with your darling daughter now more than ever.

Look, not many of us are Lori fans. I mean, I personally wanted to form a mob to go drag her out of her house and hold her down while I poured a combination of eyelash bleach & teeth whitener in her eyes, throat, & ears as she watched me cut her son’s precious hair that he ‘obviously got from her’ off to make him look like the BOY he is after her first episode. And not a lot of us approve of the way Alaska acted on her 2nd show, clearly the exposure and her whacky mom has gone to her head. BUT, we don’t pretend to take the high road and then turn around and bash a little girl because she’s winning titles. We call bitches out all the time & we own that shit! Take your nonsense to the rainbow boards or whatever the heck you crazy moms call the site where you eat each other alive, or give honest comments about what’s really going on, If you hate the bitch because her daughter is succeeding, SAY IT! We don’t care! We LOVE pageant mom snark here at the Gasm, in case you haven’t noticed. Don’t try to act all righteous about pageants in one comment and then dismiss a child’s accomplishments because you’re jealous in another!

And Btw, “After Lori’s issues this week I’m willing to bet she stops following the t&t cameras around the country.” ??? did I miss something. What exactly are the ‘issues’ that’s going to send Lori into hiding? The 2 big titles her daughter won? Because other than that, I don’t get it. And sadly, I don’t think you do either, Hon. I’m sorry. I hope you can get some help with that.
124

fancyface

Posted April 26, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Holy double err triple (?) posts fancy. IDK quite what happened, but I was trying to respond to the oh so innocent “Stagemom” post @ #112. Sorry about the duplicates :/
125

StageMom

Posted April 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Sorry to say but wining a dog as a door add on is not considered a big title. The last couple nationals they’ve done, she hasn’t supremed. I’m sure she’d be shouting from the rooftops if she supremed at a major national.

Since you are adept at googling, you can google and find Lori’s latest adventures this week. I alternate between feeling bad for her and her situation and thinking she brought it on herself by pushing her kid into pageants and acting outrageous enough to be cast over and over. I’m convinced that its a hoax but I do feel bad for the kid.
126

StageMom

Posted April 26, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I’ll make it easy for you.

http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2012/04/24/chillicothe-mother-says-man-performed-sex-act-to-picture-of-9-year-old-daughter.html

The site wasn’t an actual adult web site like nudie pics adult website, more like a 4chan type discussion board. Not that it makes it any less sick when someone posts they are jacking off to a picture of a 9 year old while laying next to their pregnant wife. It’s still pretty sick and pathetic. I feel bad for the kid but I’m tired of parents acting outrageous to get tv time.

The three girls this week were sweet kids but we will never see them again because they didn’t bring the drama. I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of Tricia and Lori.
127

BedHeadJen

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:42 am

Jazzy, I’m in! I am willing to do what it takes to work my way up to announcer as well.
#21 we have Delusiona Muffeletta. She has long brown hair and her eyes are ice blue on the left, and chocolate brown on the right. When she grows up, she wants to be Miss Universe or a husky puppy.
Her favorite things are candy necklaces, watching Cinemax, and smoking her grammy’s cigarette butts. That is your contestant #21, Delusiona Muffaletta.
128

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 3:52 am

“Sorry to say but wining a dog as a door add on is not considered a big title (again…this matters because?). The last couple nationals they’ve done, she hasn’t supremed. I’m sure she’d be shouting from the rooftops if she supremed at a major national.” (so you’re a bitter barn bitch too huh? i’ll just refer you back to my post where i pointed out that you are a JEALOUS PAGEANT MOM WHO’S ‘BEAUTIFUL’ DAUGHTER HAS HAD HER BUTT KICKED BY ALASKA, and from your little obsession, I’d say it’s happens ALOT! who cares how big her title was? she won, so why begrudge her that. and yeah, she actually does win at nationals and you know it because I’m getting a stalkerish vibe from you, so I know you probably know every pageant she attends and how many times she uses the restroom when she’s there. Seriously, this is getting disturbing)

“Since you are adept at googling, you can google and find Lori’s latest adventures this week. (You have a SERIOUS problem! Are you actually using this sick story to validate your point? Some freak does this to a little child and you’re GLOATING??? How is this ‘Lori’s latest adventures’ and why would you call a pedophile’s sick actions an ‘adventure’ for any mother? ) I alternate between feeling bad for her (yeah, your sympathy is POURING out of this twisted comment) and her situation and thinking she brought it on herself (you have a lot of balls to say something so heinous, well actually, the power to hide behind your screen and be vile doesn’t actually require balls, soooo…continue?) by pushing her kid into pageants (how is she pushing when she CLEARLY loves doing them and did you forget that your perfect & moral family participates in them as well?) and acting outrageous enough to be cast over and over. (you are sooo jealous! I’m sensing someone is dying to be on but since the show isn’t interested in you, you try to act like you’re so above it) I’m convinced that its a hoax (then you are TRULY a moron) but I do feel bad for the kid.” (again, it shows! I’m sure you are all a fret wondering what you could possibly do to help this child)

Look, should you put your child on tv to exploit them and try to make yourself famous? No absolutely not imho. Do you put your child at risk for sickos when you expose them to the world. Absolutely, case in point. But for you to use this disturbing story to boost your hate campaign against Lori is sick and really doesn’t make you much better. You should reevaluate your life & think long and hard before you come back with another dumb ass reply. This time, make sure it makes sense and doesn’t make you look like a further hypocritical asshole. Seriously, try! Try really hard. If you can’t come up with a decent reply, ask for help. It sounds like your family is full of smart people
129

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 4:03 am

OMG you’re making my brain hurt. Seriously, you’re making us dumber and we don’t appreciate it! I’ll just repost my reply to your other dumb ass post to save us all some trouble.

“Sorry to say but wining a dog as a door add on is not considered a big title (again…this matters because?). The last couple nationals they’ve done, she hasn’t supremed. I’m sure she’d be shouting from the rooftops if she supremed at a major national.” (so you’re a bitter barn bitch too huh? i’ll just refer you back to my post where i pointed out that you are a JEALOUS PAGEANT MOM WHO’S ‘BEAUTIFUL’ DAUGHTER HAS HAD HER BUTT KICKED BY ALASKA, and from your little obsession, I’d say it’s happens ALOT! who cares how big her title was? she won, so why begrudge her that. and yeah, she actually does win at nationals and you know it because I’m getting a stalkerish vibe from you, so I know you probably know every pageant she attends and how many times she uses the restroom when she’s there. Seriously, this is getting disturbing)

“Since you are adept at googling, you can google and find Lori’s latest adventures this week. (You have a SERIOUS problem! Are you actually using this sick story to validate your point? Some freak does this to a little child and you’re GLOATING??? How is this ‘Lori’s latest adventures’ and why would you call a pedophile’s sick actions an ‘adventure’ for any mother? ) I alternate between feeling bad for her (yeah, your sympathy is POURING out of this twisted comment) and her situation and thinking she brought it on herself (you have a lot of balls to say something so heinous, well actually, the power to hide behind your screen and be vile doesn’t actually require balls, soooo…continue?) by pushing her kid into pageants (how is she pushing when she CLEARLY loves doing them and did you forget that your perfect & moral family participates in them as well?) and acting outrageous enough to be cast over and over. (you are sooo jealous! I’m sensing someone is dying to be on but since the show isn’t interested in you, you try to act like you’re so above it) I’m convinced that its a hoax (then you are TRULY a moron) but I do feel bad for the kid.” (again, it shows! I’m sure you are all a fret wondering what you could possibly do to help this child)

Look, should you put your child on tv to exploit them and try to make yourself famous? No absolutely not imho. Do you put your child at risk for sickos when you expose them to the world. Absolutely, case in point. But for you to use this disturbing story to boost your hate campaign against Lori is sick and really doesn’t make you much better. You should reevaluate your life & think long and hard before you come back with another dumb ass reply. This time, make sure it makes sense and doesn’t make you look like a further hypocritical asshole. Seriously, try! Try really hard. If you can’t come up with a decent reply, ask for help. It sounds like your family is full of smart people
130

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 4:05 am

I only meant to repost my last paragraph but I guess I inadvertently copied the entire thing. Still, you get it right? Probably not because you are sorta coming off as ummm, how should I say this?? UnSmart? lol
131

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 6:21 am

Alright, can we call an end with this fued now? Stagemom is just giving us some inside info, and I for one like reading it. Go ahead and dish on Alaska and whoever else you know, SM, it’s fun to read!
132

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 6:49 am

Um, no Jazzy! NO!

Stagemom isn’t just ‘giving inside info’. She’s bagging on a child because she’s jealous and I’m calling her out on it. Not because she’s actually bashing someone, because, come on, that’s what we do here, but because all of her post were filled with how her BEAUTIFUL daughter does pageant but she’s different because she only does it give her child confidence & poise, or whatever bullshit excuse she used, all the while trying to act above it all because her family is so much better than these moms and how she wouldn’t DARE subject her daughter to things these moms are doing, then as soon as someone mentioned that ALASKA won something, she did an 180 and started coming down on her mom for something that she herself does. She’s being a hypocrite and her posts about Alaska has jealousy written all over them. I mean, what happened to all that Klass and entitlement her family has?

Then for her to say that being a victim of a pedophile is one of Lori’s ‘adventures’ was truly disgusting and regardless of how you feel about her, no mom deserves that bullshit because a sicko targeted her child. She used that story to try to validate her hate for Lori. If she would have never written those paragraphs about how great HER daughter was even though she does pageant and insinuating that all other pageant moms were beneath her, then I would have kept it moving because, as you said, I love the inside dirt too. But don’t try to act like you’re such a Klass act one moment and then turn around and begrudge a CHILD of her win because you’re jealous. And don’t take something as serious as what Alaska’s family is going through right now and try to turn it into evidence to be used in your vendetta to try to trash a family you’re jealous of. Like I said, if you hate the bitch, ADMIT IT and bash her for some of her MANY flaws instead of hiding behind the cloak of ‘I feel sorry for Alaska’ when you could really give two shits about her well being because she kicks you daughter’s ass at pageants.

I’m just saying!
133

Jenn

Posted April 27, 2012 at 6:49 am

Does anyone else notice that Toddlers and Tiaras ALWAYS show that same gold colored bottle of hair spray in the background? They must sponser the show. Shame on them!
134

StageMom

Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:16 am

You think this is a hate campaign? This is a mild dislike. Thought this was a place to discuss the show and the people on the show and Lori is a “character” on the show who exploits every chance she gets. Hate to say it but I’m not going anywhere so you can check your arrogance in at the door and deal with having to share your corner of the universe with a lowly, uneducated pageant mom.
135

Ms Cool

Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:40 am

Holy smokes. Why do the conversations here have to be so vicious? I don’t understand why there can’t be discussions and disagreements in civil tones. Stagemom has the right to raise her daughter in any way that she sees fit. We have the right to disagree or judge. However, I cannot imagine why these discussions have to turn into nasty personal attacks.

I enjoy DearCrabby’s recaps and have enjoyed reading the comments but this is downright nasty. Do you talk to people like this in your everyday life? If so, perhaps you should be on a reality show.
136

BedHeadJen

Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:46 am

Dear Crabby,This recap was such perfection that after reading it three times, I am at a loss for an adjective worthy of it’s honor. This feel good recap for the twisted deserves a Pulitzer.
If possible, I would like to place an order for a poster sized reprint of the photo with the caption “Where am I? Does anyone have any weed?” I could use some new artwork for my entryway, and as a conversation piece, it could help me determine who my real friends are.
The greatness has carried over into the comments. I mean, Freedom Fries, oh hell yes! I wonder if they serve Freedom Fries at the famous wing place where Titcia works hard for the money?
Speaking of Titcia, I would like to offer sweater meat, cans, ear muffs, fun bags, and mams to your boobage descriptives repertoire. Thanks, you are the best!
137

ash1

Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:54 am

Wow, you need to get over your obsession with Alaska!
138

ash1

Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:55 am

Grrr. That was supposed to be a reply to (bitter, jealous)StageMom
139

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:09 am

Oh phew! Because I was like huh? I’m only obsessed with how OBSESSED Stagemom is with Alaska lol
140

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:35 am

“Holy smokes. Why do the conversations here have to be so vicious? I don’t understand why there can’t be discussions and disagreements in civil tones.”
Well, let’s see….

http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2012/04/24/chillicothe-mother-says-man-performed-sex-act-to-picture-of-9-year-old-daughter.html

go read that story and then refer back to stagemom’s comments where she says: “Since you are adept at googling, you can google and find Lori’s latest adventures this week.” and then you may get some insight into why MY comments turned from light banter and got ‘vicious’ as you say, which is a glaring overstatement, but whatever.

“Stagemom has the right to raise her daughter in any way that she sees fit. We have the right to disagree or judge. (right, as does Lori whom she’s judging and trashing) However, I cannot imagine why these discussions have to turn into nasty personal attacks.” (again, see the comments where this ‘loving mom’ is using this family being violated as ammunition in her hate campaign against a CHILD that she’s clearly jealous of, and you can answer your own question)

“I enjoy DearCrabby’s recaps (as do we all, obviously) and have enjoyed reading the comments but this is downright nasty. (you’re right, what stagemom said is downright nasty) Do you talk to people like this in your everyday life? (if I run into a judgemental, hypocritical moron who uses a phedophile’s attack against a mother because of pageants, then yes, I would talk this way to them to) If so, perhaps you should be on a reality show. (ohhhh that sounds fun )”

Again…She called what this family is going through a fucking adventure! Enough said
141

sheesh

Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:49 am

I am obsessed with your obsession of Stagemom’s obsession!
142

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:09 am

Sweetheart, this is getting sad, but ok. I’ll play.

“You think this is a hate campaign? (ABSOLUTELY!) This is a mild dislike. (and blatant jealousy) Thought this was a place to discuss the show and the people on the show (it absolutely is) and Lori is a “character” on the show who exploits every chance she gets. (duh, that’s why we don’t like the broad..what’s your point?) Hate to say it (no you don’t) but I’m not going anywhere (oh please don’t! this is fun for me ) so you can check your arrogance in at the door (NEVER! I will never leave my arrogance behind! It’s what defies me and my family. Besides…”My daughter has a real college fund, not a pageant backup plan. My husband and I are both considered educated professionals, and this is typical amongst our pageant peers. I’m sure this is regional as I also watch these episodes and wonder where they get their participants.”..sound familiar? You have some balls to call ME arrogant! Do you even read what you write? Your ‘regional thing’ comment was particularly interesting) and deal with having to share your corner of the universe with a lowly, uneducated pageant mom.” (No prob! I’m use to that here @ the Gasm. We get you guys all the time & we LOVE IT!)

Look chick, don’t try to turn this into me jumping on your case for ‘discussing the show’ or Lori. I started off calling you out for writing an essay, or 3, on how great your daughter was and how much better your family is than the moms on this show and how you would never stoop to their level, only for you to turn around and denigrate Alaska’s wins because you are jealous. How is that ‘better’ than the moms featured? Then you had the audacity to use a story about a pedophile violating this child’s image as ammunition to show how bad Lori is. That was ridiculous and someone needed to call you out on it so I took the pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. I could give two shits about how you feel about Lori or even Alaska for that matter, but again, you called what this family is going through A FUCKING ADVENTURE! Dis-gus-ting!
143

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:13 am

BTW Mr Cool, the vitriol in my comment wasn’t aimed at you but at Stagemom’s actions. You asked a very logical question and some of my disdain for what she said may show in my response, but wasn’t meant to be harsh towards YOU.
144

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:15 am

errr..MS Cool not Mr lol…sorry
145

classy drunk

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:22 am

You always come with the best one liners Sheesh!
146

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:24 am

LMBO! Well, admitting it is the 1st step, so now that I’ve admitted that I’m obsessed with her maybe I can start to heal and move on
147

Ms Cool

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:28 am

LOL @ MR. Cool. No problem.

That thing with Alaska is truly sad. It is sad that it happened, it is sad that nothing can be done about it and it is very sad that her mom didn’t see it coming.

I used to have a craft blog that was mildly (very mildly) popular. My son would pop up in photos from time to time and then I started to rethink putting his picture out there. I wouldn’t even fathom wanting to put him on TV.
148

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:45 am

Right?? It’s not ok by any means and when she was like ‘ha ha i bet Lori won’t be following the cameras around after her ‘little adventures’ this week’, it really struck a nerve in me. And saying she deserves it for putting her child on tv was even more sick to me. Although, as I’ve stated before, you’re risking putting your child in harms way by exposing them on this show, NO mother should have to go through that, and as a mom I couldn’t imagine what I’d do in her shoes, so for her to try to use it as fuel was disturbing.
149

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:47 am

dang, this was in response to Ms Cool’s post #127. not sure why it ended up down here.
150

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:12 am

Can we call an end to this fued now? I like when insiders like Stagemom stop by and give us some dirt on the T&T people.
151

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:14 am

You have the job! I’ll find some judges somewhere. It’ll be your job to enforce the rule that cute crowning dresses must be worn.
152

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:19 am

I can see what you’re saying, but I feel like if one commenter doesn’t like another commenter, just skip reading her posts. or make one reply to her and move on. It gets tedious when one-on-one commenter wars keep going.
153

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

Sorry I didn’t think this posted before. Sometimes the comments seem to show up in random order!
154

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:23 am

Wasn’t the dog given to the UGS winner? Or was it for something else?
155

snowshoecat

Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:37 am

*ahem* #47 Tahbeetha Katz: she has hair and eyes, and enjoys candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach. Her favorite foods are frozen pizza rolls. Frozen.
156

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:01 pm

But Jaz-zy, it wouldn’t be called a comment war if I didn’t comment! lol

No, I also get what you’re saying but it’s not true. I’m not commenting to just one person, so there’s that. And even if I were, if you’re commenting on something, and someone addresses your comment, wouldn’t you answer their comment back? That’s what makes the comment section here so great. We have actual conversations that aren’t limited to ‘one post per subject’ & whether they’re negative conversations or not, we’re entitled to respond and have said conversations. And if it does bother you so much, just take your own advice & “if one commenter doesn’t like another commenter, just skip reading her posts”. Simple pimple. You may not know this about me, but nothing gets to me more on this site, then when other commenters try to tell me how to respond to someone, so that only helps to fuel the fire when it comes to me so if it bothers you, yeah it’s best not to tell me what to say and how to say it and just keep it moving because if you address me, I will answer, and it doesn’t matter how many times I have to state my opinion if it’s not coming across. Period.
157

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Yes, but STAGEMOM says it was ‘just a stupid door prize and not a big title and someone else won the highest title’ so idk. I know they have a habit of not showing things correctly or even letting us see the real winners, but I thought the title with the word Ultimate in it was actually the Ultimate. go figure.
158

notwithoutmytv

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

You though Ultimate was the Ultimate? No, no, you have to listen closer. There’s Ultimate grande and there’s Ultimate venti. One is clearly the top prize and the other is for the kid whose hooker makeup didn’t quite disguise her 2nd-best facial giftedness.
159

BedHeadJen

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

@Jazzy- Did you just propose a war on one- on- one comment wars? ; )
160

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Simple pimple? lol I like that. So if I keep responding to you, then you’ll keep responding and it will go on forever?????
161

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Uh-oh I think maybe I did!!!
162

BedHeadJen

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I could really use a venti cafe mocha right now.
163

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Yes Jazz! it will go on for-ev-er! I mean, if forever is until I get caught at work on the Gasm, my kids or husband come home and need nutrients that no one else can provide besides myself apparently, or until my very short attention span is focused on another unworthy cause. So, if that’s forever, yes Jazzy! It. Will. Not. Stop!
164

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Oh right! I forgot the pecking order in these ridiculous things. Thanks for the re-mind NWMT!
165

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Jazzy:

Simple pimple? lol I like that. So if I keep responding to you, then you’ll keep responding and it will go on forever?????

Yes Jazz! it will go on for-ev-er! I mean, if forever is until I get caught at work on the Gasm, my kids or husband come home and need nutrients that no one else can provide besides myself apparently, or until my very short attention span is focused on another unworthy cause. So, if that’s forever, yes Jazzy! It. Will. Not. Stop!
166

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Hmmm… now I have another contender for announcer…. what to do, what to do….
167

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 1:03 pm

hahaha so we both have lazy families that aren’t able to cook? I’m a crappy cook and even that won’t inspire them to try. Sigh. At least it’s Friday so I’m having a “No Cook Friday”. I invented that a while ago and highly recommend it!!!
168

fancyface

Posted April 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Yes!! Oy vey! I have never seen people who act like a stove is an extremely complicated piece of machinery that only I know how to operate before. Seriously, it’s comical how everyone will sit around and literally eat nothing but chips if I don’t cook. But I am already on the ‘No cook Friday’ train, except around here, it’s the ‘Fend for yourself or starve to death weekends’ lol. We go through alot of deli meat & hot dogs on Fris & the fast food joints around here loveeee my husband on Sats.
169

snowshoecat

Posted April 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Hubbycat displayed his clulessness in the kitchen before we were married by boiling a pot roast for me. I displayed my fiscal acumen shortly thereafter by screwing up the checkbook.

He teaches finance while I love to cook and fuss in the kitchen, so it works out. When we go out we kid that it’s his night to cook.
170

Jazzy

Posted April 27, 2012 at 4:13 pm

“Potatoes and point” is another great dinner option. Do you do that one?
171

A. Swede

Posted April 27, 2012 at 5:29 pm

((Excuse my grammar or anything spelt the wrong way. English is my third language and i have dyslexia))

First of I want to tell Crabby that I love your recaps. And all comments are interesting and this is my first time adding my penny of toughs.

Second of all, my opinion on Alaska’s situation on becoming “bitcher” is a rather understandable reaction. The first time I viewed the episode Alaska wherein she were completely over look by her parents with anything she did. And it wasn’t until she started winning big that she got her mother’s recognition. So isn’t a natural reaction for an attention starved child who finally gets attention to try and keep the attention on her? sure she i meaner and rude but i mean if that what she thinks is what keeps her parents loving and supporting her, wouldn’t that kind of explain the bad behavior?
It’s defiantly not an excuse but it’s an explanation.
172

BedHeadJen

Posted April 28, 2012 at 2:12 pm

@fancyface, HaHa, when I don’t feel like cooking we have “Subway or Starve”night!
173

sam

Posted May 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

ALL YOU PAGEANT CRAZY SO CALLED MOTHERS NEED TO GET A LIFE ,I THINK THAT SUMS IT UP……….LMFAO AT ALL YA BITCHES AND PRAYING FOR YOUR KIDS LORD HELP EM………
174

Pageant-grandma

Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

See what happens when I miss a recap?! I know I am way late to the party, and I’m not going to comment on all the craziness above, but to clear up one thing: circle city pageants are renowned for having a zillion “door optionals”. Most pageants do, but they have far more than most. These are optional titles that you pay up to $50 a pop to be eligible for. They can range from the nearly meaningless (overall prettiest hair”) to the baffling (face of 2011 supreme!), to completely random-as-fuck. Occasionally they are sometimes useful (cc offers a baby supreme for kids under 2, who don’t usually supreme), and once in a blue moon, they serve a genuine purpose (optional talent, for example). The puppy title was a door optional. If you listen when max announces it (and since he really needs to learn how to use his inside voice, it’s not hard) he says “ultimate face”. That title (and really, I’m not kidding) is based 100% on, well, her face. That’s it. They made it look really exciting, but it’s not really any more special than Sami-jo’s photo supremes. For the record, I have met both Lori and Alaska in person, and while Lori is wound a little tight, and the paranoia is genuine, she really isn’t quite as crazy as the portray her to be. And Alaska is actually a very sweet girl.
175

Pageant-grandma

Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

This so was not supposed to go here.
176

sheesh

Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm

That’s what she said! That’s what she said!

sorry I couldn’t resist
177

Jennifer Lopez

Posted May 8, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Stop talking about me fucking daughter. Camarie isn’t autism or delayed. Never talk about my child. She is the prettiest on on TNT to date. Tricia is a dirty whore and I know she is Yalls rat and gives you the inside but she isn’t the person to go to.The bitch is to dumb to even know what’s going on. Nothing was staged about her or her issues but she is lying know to make people think TNT set it up. She begged Her live in to marry her but he left her after he got what we wanted. Free rent and dirty puss. Sami has done 2 pageants in the past two years and thats it. She doesn’t compete unless she can get on tv. She is trash. Take this Down about Camarie now or you will see my bad side. It is low and pathetic to bash my baby. It’s just jealousy since your daughters are ugly. So here’s so advice get a fucking life and get out of mine and quite trying to be me. Haters are our motivators. I am surprised you have nothing better to do than give me so much attention.
178

Jennifer Lopez

Posted May 8, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Dear Crabby, you are a loser and for the rest of you get life’s. Im thinking you Internet geeks where bullied and made fun of so all you can do is come on here and make fun and bully kids. It’s so funny your all bad asses behind your computer screen but cowards to someone face. Anyone who knows me it’s not pretty when you trash talk my baby. Dear Crabby I’m also thinking your ass is a s broad as a Tralior and you lack a life so you get pleasure out of bullying kids. For all you calling Camarie autism you are stupid or autism yourself. She talks perfect and acts perfect and showed that on tv. She deserved ultimate. As for our dogs we feed them constantly and that’s how they are built. Camarie pushed the dog out of her face because no one wants a dog in there face. So she had every right to do that. She acted like a typical 3 year old acts and is perfect. I would never own a camry as I don’t do cheap cars. So fuck off.
179

snowshoecat

Posted May 9, 2012 at 5:35 am

Jennifer, you are writing to the wrong place. We are all over at Storybook Pageant’s Unhappy Endings. Join us there so more of us can read what you have to say.
180

Moli

Posted May 9, 2012 at 6:06 am

Bwahahahahahahahahaaha, first things first…your kid is not an austism…bwhahahahahahahahaha. For future reference…you should say my child is not Autistic and does not have Autism. I love how people automatically think that if a person doesn’t like another person they are jealous. Why would an adult be jealous of a CHILD’s looks? I for one would not like to look like a toddler, nor would I want my 7 year old to look like a tarted up hooker. I’ll give you the benefit of doubt, maybe where you are from adults compare themselves to child(and are jealous of them)…maybe where you live you start training your children to be hooker and hoes during their toddling years.
Now, I’m not the sharpest internet geek in the world but I must have missed anyone from tvgasm going to your town and bullying Camarie. I actually thing pageant-grandma and maybe pageant refugee have met any of the children on this show. I must ask you who is Tralior or where is Tralior?
181

Been around

Posted May 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

Had to stop by and read this recap after all the hilarious posts on last weeks recap from Camarie’s mom. Now I am going to have to go back and watch this episode again since I wasn’t really paying attention the first time. I laughed so hard at this “woman’s” illiterate ranting that my two daughters Eyez-Creme and Pyckles both looked at me like I was crazy!
182

Kat

Posted July 3, 2012 at 10:49 am

Jennifer Lopez has to be a freaking troll. Seriously. The entire time I was readying that “posting” I had the vision of humanity circling the drain.
183

TwoRiversGirl

Posted October 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

My god. I just caught this episode and was fuming by only five minutes in. That ugly little grunter throwing the dog down was just horrid. I’d have slapped the little neanderthal into next week. Nice catch noticing the poor momma dog in the background who had obviously just had puppies. Because that’s what we need in this world – more puppies who can go to homes like theirs and be slapped around by an ugly little dipshit kid. The directors are usually pretty diplomatic when describing the child, calling the girl a “firecracker” or some such, but this one came right out and called that squidbilly a “demon child”. Right effing on lady. Right on. Then we have future-stripper Destiny and, of course, she’s sucking on a damned pacifier. Hope her idiot mother has yet another credit card tucked away for the braces that kid will need. I won’t even get into that nasty mother who has left her husband to become a full time hobag… good god. If these kids are a representation of this country’s future adult population I am hell-bent on moving out of it. And damn, there are so many who are being raised like this. Scary as hell. Even better is the fact that, after these hilarious recaps are posted, the skanky, uneducated mothers come bursting out of the woodwork like roaches to defend this crap. Wonder how they found the site? As others have said, by googling themselves or their kids. Their very presence on the site cements the fact that they’re famewhores of the lowest tier. Keep up the good work Crabby, as it is obvious that your commentary is spot-on (judging by the constant presence of those roaches) and absolutely hilarious.
184

mtngirl

Posted February 12, 2013 at 4:27 pm

Could squidbillies mom show truer colors? You must realize that odds are high that she used that language in her house! My eldest IS autistic and spoke at around age 4. He is in college now. I had the benefit of selpa instructors that taught him how to act socially since he could not read social cues instinctively. I met a high percentage of special kid-parents that denied their children’s shortcomings. Gee, guess who didn’t get a first rate education? Yup…the poor kids who had ignorant denial happy parents. So sad to see parents that are ashamed of their kids for not fitting in.
185

mtngirl

Posted February 12, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Jennifer Lopez has many negative issues and your child’s behavior is model long that behavior. You need serious help.
186

mtngirl

Posted February 12, 2013 at 4:39 pm

Ahh typo…modelling
187

mtngirl

Posted February 12, 2013 at 8:57 pm

Oh and, by the way, Jennifer…autistic children are incredibly INTELLIGENT…if, in deed she has this issue. When mildly delayed kids don’t feel understood and experience breaks in communication it causes frustration that can manifest into violent behaviors. My son liked to throw school desks at the age of six.

The way you discharged on this group was verbally violent and unnecessary. Do you think you changed anyone’s opinion? Did that kind of recklessness feel good? Choose your battles very carefully…for your daughters sake, please. What are you teaching her about self control?

Toddlers & Tiaras: Bitter Barn Bitches

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