Toddlers & Tiaras Minicap

Toddlers and Tiaras

By DearCrabby | Thursday, July 7, 2011 | 10:32 am | 18 Comments
Tagged: , , , ,
Posted in: MiniCaps, Recaps, Toddlers and Tiaras

Supreme TitleThe REAL Chicago Supreme Title goes to…

Pageant Director Maxine and Emcee Betty are done with their margaritas and are bringing glitz to Chicago in this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras(note:  Chicago doesn’t need your damn glitz, but would enjoy your vote).  We have two girls and one boy competing as well as one complete mother breakdown.

Savannah has come out of retirement to participate in this glitz pageant and she’ll be damned if she’s wearing a flipper.  Which is too bad, because her teeth are in Appalachian mode and she could really use one.  I mean, it’s cute when my dog’s tongue sticks out while she sleeps, not so much for a glitz girl on pageant day.  Her breakdown occurs when her hairpiece is pulling on some of her real hair to the point of pain and mommy doesn’t believe or care.  Nice.  Then they forget her number on her dress and KATIE BAR THE DOOR!  The whole hotel has to come to a standstill when mommy’s room keys don’t work.  Yes, I’m sure yelling at the manager of the Westin makes you feel superior.  Also, calling her a “complete stranger” is kind of dramatic…she runs the hotel you are staying in and chances are good when she enters your room to get your number for you, she’s not going to steal your frosty eye makeup.

Sydney normally competes in natural pageants and her mom says she’s a title stealer.  Uh-huh.  She’s a cute kid and doesn’t really have any bad habits.  Mom is fine, however she’ll make a strong statement to the camera then look down.  Need a burqa much?  It’s very odd.  Then by the end she says it’s too bad if people are jealous and if people hate you then you’ll just be more famous.  Uh, like Meryl Streep?  I don’t get her logic or why she’s being so dramatic.  Maybe the eye-aversion is because she’s just making shit up to be more interesting?

Finally, we have Brock who is clearly gay and his family totally supports it.  He loves to dance and prance and his favorite toys are two dolls.  Mom says she’s fine with it (as is dad, who does not appear) and she says it so much I’m not sure if she’s trying to make us believe it or herself.  Anyhoo, Brock is amazing in his confidence and talent, and will probably be Hugh Jackman 2.0 someday.  As the only boy in the pageant, he does sweep the “Little Mister” category, but does he supreme?  You’ll have to read the recap to find out.  Luckily, he’s going to be the most well-adjusted and loved Tony winner of all time in about 20 years.


A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

18 Comments

  1. 1
    Chicken Lips
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Brock reminded me of the son in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. In the movie, when the one kid picked on him, he did his little tap number, some very impressive splits and then punched the kid in the junk. I’d be careful of picking on Brock – kid’s got moves, yo! The doll thing worries me, but he’s still a little boy – my brother commandeered one of my cabbage patch dolls when he was younger and he turned out OK (for the most part).

    And Savannah’s mom should have read an updated rulebook on the length of the dress…if your kid is the only one showing her bloomers, maybe the rest of them aren’t wrong for the knee length dress, you know? I hope that judge told her that was the real reason she got nothing…that and the Summer teeth with no flipper.

  2. 2
    Alice
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Done with their margaritas indeed…hahahaha! We love it when Betty is the emcee because then we get to talk like her for a day or so. The only thing that would make it better would be for her to have a cigarette dangling from her mouth. We also miss the cowgirl outfit she wore once…that was so awesome.

    And did anyone else notice that Savannah seems to have a few nervous tics and twitches? I can’t imagine WHY.

  3. 3
    Kim Hartson
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    I really, really need to know why the faces of Brock’s dolls were blurred out. As if the show needed to protect their identities.

  4. 4
    Mia
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    We were there!!! Savannah won everything in the group but Natural Photogenic. She also won Over-All Photogenic and Over-All Talent.

  5. 5
    PageantRefugee
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Oh Dear LOOORD!!!
    Hey Mom, do you HAVE TO go on every concievable T&T site posting about what Savannah won that wasn’t shown??? Enough! We get it! You’ve been on FB, every pageant Voy boeard you can find, E Online, Television Without Pity, and every site that has done an article about Brock touting the “unseen” wins. Shhheeesh!!!! No one cares!
    p.s Kim, they are American Girl Dolls, and the licensing doesn’t allow it. HTH. :-)

  6. 6
    PageantRefugee
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    PS, she didn’t win Overall Talent, Sidney did..though no one can imagine why…lol

  7. 7
    Kim Hartson
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    OOOH. Oh my gosh. Thanks, PR. I used to read those books when I was little.

  8. 8
    not crabby
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    sidney won beauty supreme, brock won talent supreme smarty pants

  9. 9
    Marissa Barnes
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    I’m in love with Brock, I think he’s just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!

    Chicken Lips: I thought that too! Don’t mess with him!

  10. 10
    June Summer
    Posted July 7, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Maybe Brock will grow up to be Miss Andy or Jeff Lewis. That boy was adorable and I wanted him to win the highest title.

  11. 11
    PageantRefugee
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Hey notcrabby….Brock won PERSONALITY, not Talent, Smartypants.

  12. 12
    rubinia
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 10:32 am

    I think the dolls’ faces were blurred out as kind of a joke from the producers, since Brock said they were his “friends.” So it was like they were real little girls that hadn’t given permission for their faces to be on TV.

  13. 13
    rubinia
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Geez, what’s up notcrabby’s butt? Or maybe there isn’t anything up there, and that’s the problem?

  14. 14
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 11:23 am

    @PageantRefugee: Well, at least this pageant mom/hanger on/whatever can form readable sentences. And doesn’t immediately threaten everybody with eternal damnation…

  15. 15
    sillywabbit
    Posted July 8, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    Actually the length of her skirt was correct and the other girls were too long. That is the proper length for a real glitz pageant and I am very surprised that the judge did not realize that and counted off. The skirt should be fingertip length, where the childs fingertips reach when standing with her arms down. This was obviously not a real glitz judge and those other girls have not done many Nationals or they would have their skirt up higher. I don’t like my daughter’s skirt being up that high either but I will pin it up fingertip length for national pageants and then let it hang a little lower for hometown pageants where it does not matter as much. From a pageant mom that has been to plenty of nationals with her daughter and got docked points the first couple for the skirt being too long:)

  16. 16
    Jazzy
    Posted July 9, 2011 at 6:32 am

    I didn’t even think there was a talent part to this pageant, so how could have someone won best talent? Brock did his dance thing for outfit of choice, I thought. The fact that Brock won best personality was awesome! His mom looked familiar – have we seen her before? And was her daughter competing too? She always seemed to be dressed up but I wasn’t sure if she was in the pageant or not.

  17. 17
    giffordsaz
    Posted July 9, 2011 at 11:05 am

    You people are completely insane and I love that about you. Keep it up… very few shows have entertainment value past the screen.

  18. 18
    Fan-Ann
    Posted July 9, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Brock reminds me of Billy Elliot, the boy who lived to dance. I hope his boundless enthusiasm never dims and that he is able to continue dancing. Maybe when he is older there will be pure dance competitions for him, and I feel sure that his loving, supportive mother will find the best places for him to shine.

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