The REAL Chicago Supreme Title goes to…
Pageant Director Maxine and Emcee Betty are done with their margaritas and are bringing glitz to Chicago in this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras(note: Chicago doesn’t need your damn glitz, but would enjoy your vote). We have two girls and one boy competing as well as one complete mother breakdown.
Savannah has come out of retirement to participate in this glitz pageant and she’ll be damned if she’s wearing a flipper. Which is too bad, because her teeth are in Appalachian mode and she could really use one. I mean, it’s cute when my dog’s tongue sticks out while she sleeps, not so much for a glitz girl on pageant day. Her breakdown occurs when her hairpiece is pulling on some of her real hair to the point of pain and mommy doesn’t believe or care. Nice. Then they forget her number on her dress and KATIE BAR THE DOOR! The whole hotel has to come to a standstill when mommy’s room keys don’t work. Yes, I’m sure yelling at the manager of the Westin makes you feel superior. Also, calling her a “complete stranger” is kind of dramatic…she runs the hotel you are staying in and chances are good when she enters your room to get your number for you, she’s not going to steal your frosty eye makeup.
Sydney normally competes in natural pageants and her mom says she’s a title stealer. Uh-huh. She’s a cute kid and doesn’t really have any bad habits. Mom is fine, however she’ll make a strong statement to the camera then look down. Need a burqa much? It’s very odd. Then by the end she says it’s too bad if people are jealous and if people hate you then you’ll just be more famous. Uh, like Meryl Streep? I don’t get her logic or why she’s being so dramatic. Maybe the eye-aversion is because she’s just making shit up to be more interesting?
Finally, we have Brock who is clearly gay and his family totally supports it. He loves to dance and prance and his favorite toys are two dolls. Mom says she’s fine with it (as is dad, who does not appear) and she says it so much I’m not sure if she’s trying to make us believe it or herself. Anyhoo, Brock is amazing in his confidence and talent, and will probably be Hugh Jackman 2.0 someday. As the only boy in the pageant, he does sweep the “Little Mister” category, but does he supreme? You’ll have to read the recap to find out. Luckily, he’s going to be the most well-adjusted and loved Tony winner of all time in about 20 years.