Toddlers & Tiaras MiniCap

Toddlers and Tiaras

By DearCrabby | Thursday, February 7, 2013 | 9:50 am | 51 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: MiniCaps, Recaps, Toddlers and Tiaras

Another banner day in the pageant world! 

The International Fresh Faces heads back to Georgia for its Circus theme pageant.  “Beauties Under the Big Top” has NO rules for Circus Wear and no rules is what they follow.  What rule they should have followed is to steam out the wrinkles in that horrible backdrop. 

First up we meet 22-month old Oliviana who is a “pageant ninja” – when people sign up for pageants, they want to know if she’s going to be in it because she normally sweeps the awards.  Oli’s dad is her pageant coach, dress designer and baby-talk expert…he is seriously channeling Ava’s pageant dad David.  Pageant dad says he thinks about pageants “all day long” and would like to open his own studio.  Then you probably should get your shit together and make sure your kid’s shoes fit BEFORE you go to the pageant.  Who knew kids grew? 

Next up is the four billionth girl in the U.S. named Katlyn, 6, who says she’s sassy but really she’s more temperamental.  She threw a few fits here and there and sometimes it seemed that for a 6 year old, she didn’t really have a solid grasp on things – like the littlest thing threw her off – but that could just be our old friend and foe, editing.  Mom calls her spoiled and rotten and a child who “likes to get her way.”  Wonder if there is something that could curb those meltdowns and outbursts?  Like discipline and not putting up with that shit. 

And finally, we me Alivia, 4, whose mother says she was SUCH a happy kid until she turned 2 and it was all downhill from there.  Alivia likes to boss her mom, doesn’t like to practice and basically thinks she has things in the bag because like most American kids, has had her entire life handed to her on a silver platter.  Alivia’s “Britney Spears/lion tamer” routine leaves a lot to be desired and not just because she beats her stuffed tigers like red-headed stepchildren.  

Judges are too nice, kids are not prepared, Alivia’s hair in beauty looks like a beehive from a 60s musical, and there are a lot of kids who just need naps and not caffeine and Pixie Stix.   

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A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

51 Comments

  1. 1
    michkabibbles
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 9:54 am

    was it just me, or was this kind of a boring episode to end the season with?

  2. 2
    Frizzypop Frizzypop
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Yeah, I wasn’t super impressed with it either. Nothing really to snark on…

    I did think that the judge they kept interviewing looked like a 400 lb Debra Messing! Is that what happens to Grace when Will finally finds true love and kicks her out to live life on her own?

    Oliviana’s dad was really creepy when he said, “they want to take your pretty picture”. Made my skin crawl!

    MEGA Ultimate Grand Supreme? For when Ultimate Grand Supreme just isn’t enough…

  3. 3
    featherhead
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Did you notice the little girl in the audience trying to shove the dollar bill up her nose? Future cokehead in the making! MMA for a two year old? Yep, that makes perfect sense!

  4. 4
    T&T-lover
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Yay! First Comment! I would not put up with that kind of talking back from either Katlyn or Alivia. I am all about time outs and taking things away and following through on threats. I can’t stand it when these moms laugh when their daughters are disrespectful. Even Ollie, when she said “I know” when the nail technician said she was pretty. I would be all over that to teach her to use her manners. She is 22 months old, which is old enough to learn manners.

  5. 5
    ellemenop
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 10:05 am

    sweet, another gay pageant dad for the group. nah, kidding, i don’t think he’s gay; i think he’s just a dork.

    did anyone else think katlyn looked MUCH older than 6??? she seemed like she was about 8 to me. i wonder if her delusiona mom is cheating by entering her into a lower age division. i mean, my dad recently gave me a really old passport that was issued when i was about 9 that had my birthdate showing me as being 5 at the time of issue! and i traveled many times on that passport. i guess my parents could have lied to me about my age my entire life, though.

    i cracked up during alivia’s age group crowning — i like how her mom was saying how they’re all blonde, blue-eyed girls and how alivia stood out with her dark (NOT jet black, mom; MY hair is two shades darker than alivia’s and my hair isn’t even black) and dark skin, but all the other little girls in her division looked like her. hahaha.

    did someone SERIOUSLY shove pixie stix into a non-walking-yet-stage baby’s mouth?! where the HELL is child protective services? i’m usually not too bothered by the crazies, but that actually appals me. are they TRYING to give the kid diabetes?

    but on another note … i’m really thankful for closed captioning.

  6. 6
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 10:35 am

    Have you “Toddlerized” yourself yet?

    My apologies if this has been discussed already, but HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CRAZY SH!T???

    Toddlerize Me

    Has our species jumped the shark? I am not sure how else to explain it…

  7. 7
    KJN KJN
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 10:50 am

    @BellicoseBaby O.M.G. What the hell IS that? That is some creepy shit and that’s coming from someone that has watched every episode of this insane, messed up, completely awesome show from the very beginning.

  8. 8
    WerkItSmoochy
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I don’t understand what makes these people think that shoving candy/pouring soda down these kids’ throats is better energy for them than, oh, I don’t know, maybe FEEDING THEM A NUTRITIOUS MEAL? Seriously…put worthwhile fuel in them and they will have plenty of energy. Instead they stuff them with candy and caffeine and then are shocked when they are running wild or crashing and crying. I don’t even have kids and I know this. I can see a couple of cookies or some candy after they are done as a reward or a dessert, but they don’t need pixie sticks that are taller than the kids. It’s gross. Not only would a balanced meal get them going, it would keep them energized for much longer.

  9. 9
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 11:16 am

    @KJN

    TOTALLY creepy! For the record, I have not Toddlerized myself (nor will I ever, ew ew ew).

    I guess they couldn’t come up with something else like the “Vicarious Actualizer.” Hopefully, it will save some of those pageant Moms and Dads some money now; they can upload photos of themselves and spare their children the pain of acutal pageant participation.

  10. 10
    KJN KJN
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Haha! Yes! They can finally live through their children without the torture and expense. Brilliant, actually.

  11. 11
    LadyStardust
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 11:57 am

    Oh great, another CAT-Lynn. This seems to be a common spelling…is it a new “younique” spelling, or is that actually a standard spelling of Kaitlyn? I just can’t look at it without saying it “Cat-Lynn”.

    A girl I know just named her kid “Madyson”. In my head, I keep pronouncing it “Maddie-Son”.

    My brother is having a kid this summer and I’m just praying they don’t name it something stupid. One of the names they were throwing around a while back was “Brinleigh”. All I could think of was “Oh my God. My niece is going to be on T&T.”

  12. 12
    georgiababe
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    What is UP with the butchering of the name Olivia this episode? It’s gorgeous by itself, why the need to make a world spelling or add \ana\ to the end? Do not understand.

    This episode was kind of ho-hum for me. I want Makenzie!

  13. 13
    roodismom
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    I agree about the pixie sticks. I swear I saw a mom pouring some into the mouth of a kid without teeth!!

  14. 14
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    “I agree about the pixie sticks. I swear I saw a mom pouring some into the mouth of a kid without teeth!!”

    Lol, that’s the point…you don’t need teeth for pixie sticks, so your kid can have great energy and a sparkling personality on stage without the risk of choking to death on candy that needs to be chewed. Dead kids can’t win crowns.
    Next step is a high fructose corn syrup IV drip.
    Too bad about the childhood diabetes and obesity that is sure to follow.

    I didn’t think Oliviana was that pretty. People were going on and on about how pretty she was, and she just looked like Diego from Go Diego Go to me. Either that or some kind of gremlin mixed with a treasure troll. #sorryboutit

    And her dad was creepy as fuck throughout. It just reached a climax at the pretty picture part.

    @ Lady Stardust, please don’t let them do that. Brinleigh is not a name, it’s a curse. No offense intended, but people need to know that adding “Leigh” to random syllables and words does NOT a name make. Enough already.

  15. 15
    ellemenop
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    @ladystardust — i know katlyns in their late 20s, so it’s not THAT new, but i don’t know about before that. actually, to me katlyn looks more normal than kaitlyn or katelyn because i’ve never been friends with anyone who didn’t spell it katlyn. actually, i made friends with a caitlin a few years ago, and i had a hard time remembering not to spell her name catlin, just because that’s how i expected it to be, but i see where you’re coming from! (it’s especially obvious when seeing “catlin”)

    we’re having a kid in august, and have names picked out (don’t know if it’s a boy or girl) that are old names (one is italian, but neither is a new, sparkly special name), but my husband STILL thinks a good name for a kid is calliope or pepper … seriously. thankfully i’m not dumb enough to think that’s a good idea. i know calliope is very old, but it’s horrible, and pepper? that’s a name for a pet, in my opinion.

    @georgiababe — yeah, it was like a special tribute to butchering olivia. although i could’ve sworn this is the SEC OND oliviana we’ve seen on t&t — there was another, right??? and it was a different girl? that makes it even worse.

    @roodismom — that’s what i was referring to in my original comment. there was definitely a legit BABY having a GIANT (not even normal-sized) pixie stix being poured down its throat. i usually just roll with the punches regarding all the questionable stuff these moms do, but that was downright alarming to me. what an idiot.

    @chaosbutterfly — i think the problem here is that MOST moms will hear, over and over, how pretty their darling daughter is, even if she isn’t. have you ever lied about a kid being cute when it isn’t? i have. it sounds better than, “your kid is 10 months old and has a mustache, but i’m sure it’s a delightful child.” i would have lost a couple of friends by now. and newborns? forget it. newborns are ugly. but how many people tell moms, their baby is “beautiful!” when they first bring it home? newsflash: it’s red and wrinkly and looks like an alien. and i say this as someone who will have her very own newborn in 6 months. i’m not delusiona enough to take any comments about how gorgeous my newborn is seriously.

    also, did anyone else see a JUDGE taking a picture of some kid with some big-ass lens?! or did i imagine that? because if i didn’t, that’s … kinda creepy.

  16. 16
    Cocodawn Cocodawn
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    I thought the creepiest part was that horrible baby voice Oliviana’s dad kept using. “Dey gonna take yuh pwitty pikshuh” etc. When they took her shopping, did anybody else notice the salesgirl rolling her eyes when she heard him speak? Awesome.

  17. 17
    joye
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    I wanted to reach through the screen and throttle Katlyn’s and Alivia’s moms. I’d like to think that these people hesitate to smack the crap out of their rude little spawn in front of a camera, but indications are that they are clueless at how to raise a decent human being. I had to go back and watch the episode with Emma Belle just to calm me down. The only thing that gives me hope is thinking of a child at the school where I teach. When she was three and four, she would come with her mom, who volunteered in preparing materials for the classroom. The nasty little brat screamed, ordered her mom around, got into everything, and generally had us all fearing the day she entered Kindergarten. That day came and she walked into her classroom, followed all directions perfectly, and has been a complete delight for the last several years. Kids really crave the comfort of reasonable boundaries.

  18. 18
    ellemenop
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    unexpected bonus in my inbox: according to babycenter.com, some “unique” names the web site’s staff has recently heard of include eunike, l’unique, and uniquee. you’re welcome.

  19. 19
    TurtleGirl93 TurtleGirl93
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Hey Elle, I don’t think I’ve said congratulations yet by the way! Yay!

    I can’t wait for the recap.

  20. 20
    ellemenop
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    @turtlegirl93 — thank you! and don’t worry — if it’s a girl, I’ll be sure to put Michael booth on speed dial!

  21. 21
    April
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    I dream about owning my own Britney Spears Circus outfit.

  22. 22
    Clair Clair
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I kind of like the name Calliope.

  23. 23
    MarianMoney
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    people holding up babies and hoops!
    Why didn’t anyone toss a baby through a hoop?
    Not that I advocate harming a child in any way, but Circus baby ring toss is less harmful than pixie stix isn’t it?

    And as for pageant dad “Wow her got a ttwwofee” was Kweepy

    As Always, I am
    MarianMoney

  24. 24
    ellemenop
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    @clair — il’l volunteer you as his second wife when I kick him out for not succumbing to my ever pregnant demand! at least someone likes his chosen name.

  25. 25
    karekare
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    BORING BORING BORING
    Why did this have to be the season finale?
    There was no super pretty or super bratty girls on here.

  26. 26
    WerkItSmoochy
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    On the subject of baby names…while at the store today, I had the pleasure of hearing a mom calling her rowdy child over to her (several times), and this child’s name was “Varsity”. Why?

  27. 27
    ellemenop
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    I might have to homeschool my child JUST so they don’t grow up thinking it’s ok to be called varsity or jerzee!

  28. 28
    ANTM Fan
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    @WerkItSmoochy: Why? So that when Varsity has a son, he can call him Junior Varsity.

  29. 29
    Chicken Lips
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    I’m thinking about giving AOlivia a pass because even though she’s 4, I could understand her better than some kids that are on this show. They didn’t have to subtitle everything she said like that one hellion.

  30. 30
    TurtleGirl93 TurtleGirl93
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    I knew some transplanted Northerners who named their daughter Azalea. Only they apparently didn’t know how to pronounce it so the poor child’s name sounds like “Azza Leah”. I kept hoping they would have a son and name him after the cat on The Smurfs. Azalea and Azrael would look awesome on the Christmas cards, no?
    Then again I went to high school with a girl who called her baby Pah-jay-mah. Because she saw that word in the Sears catalog. Pajama, Pah-jay-mah, tomato, tohmahto.

  31. 31
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    “So that when Varsity has a son, he can call him Junior Varsity.”

    I just ugly laughed.

  32. 32
    rollingeyes
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    This was the seasons finale? How lame!

    Yes, that was definitely a BABY sucking on the pixie stick. Sad, sad, sad.

    We were at the theatre tonight for my daughter’s drama practice and I was talking to one of the “granola moms” when my daughter said something just a teensy bit snooty. She got a little smack on the arm from me, nothing rough but just enough to let her know that it was going to stop right where it started. The other mom looked shocked and I was just waiting for her to say something. The whole situation reminded me of the moms on this show.

    Oliviana was cute, but not unusually cute. Mom’s going on about how beautiful the child was became quite nauseating. I also found mom’s mole very distracting. Dad needs to really get a life, he’s far too invested in the pageants.

    Alivia’s hair in beauty was by far the worst I’ve ever seen on this show (well, maybe the girl with the really long hair was worse).

    Did anyone catch the glimpse of the poor mousy little thing in the 1970′s dress and the bow in her hair? Poor child. Don’t people do any research? I give her credit for even going up on stage. She was old enough to see that she was WAY out of her league. She reminded me of myself when I first started skating. At my first competition I was wearing a homemade dress that was pretty sad and I knew all the other girls were laughing at me. Bitches.

  33. 33
    2muchbravo
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 9:28 pm

    I’m sorry I missed this one after reading these comments! There’s a glitz pageant in my area on Saturday. I’m half tempted to go just to gawk and see if it’s really as crazy as TnT makes them seem.

  34. 34
    Hater of Coach Nikki Hater of coach Nikki
    Posted February 7, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    @ Elle. Congrats on your baby!

    @ 2muchbravo. If you do decide to go, please come and tell us all about it. Getting the real dirt on how these things really work would be awesome.

    Was really disappointed on this show. Not much to snark about. The father really irritated me. Baby talk drives me crazy. Guess Ill have to watch again to see if I missed something. I also saw the baby being fed pixie stick. Very sad.

  35. 35
    Flalady
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 7:14 am

    I once met a woman who named her baby girl “Tyranny”. Seriously? Does she not know what the word means? I also worked with a woman who named her baby girl “Tchnavian”. She saw the name in a catalog. It was the name of a sexy bra! Sad! My captcha is “it is different”. How true!

  36. 36
    dee arpy
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 10:09 am

    I had a patient who wanted to name her kid “after them purple shoes”. Yes, she meant the Aigner shoes in their deep burgundy color. She wanted the kid to be called Ahn-yey, but I bet there is a 25 year old out there somewhere called Ag-ner.

  37. 37
    WerkItSmoochy
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 10:51 am

    @Flalady I just about died reading that. That’s got to be one of the best names ever.

  38. 38
    Flalady
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 11:38 am

    I also heard of a woman who named her daughter “le-a” pronounced “Ledasha”. Apparently people were not pronouncing it correctly. What a shock! The woman’s response? “The dash don’t be silent!”

  39. 39
    ANTM Fan
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/le-a.asp

  40. 40
    Flalady
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    I never said it was fact. I just heard the story.

  41. 41
    DutchieDevil
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    @Elle, From across the pond, I hope you enjoy your pregnancy, congrats to you and your husband!

    A Dutch comedian once said: “when a baby is ugly, people just say that it is a lovely baby, they never outright say it is ugly.” Ever since then DevilHusand and I and my DevilSiblings always smile when someone calls our children “lovely”…

    @ANTM thanks for the article. Good to know that the story probably wasn’t true.

  42. 42
    Frizzypop Frizzypop
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Wow, it’s a sad, boring episode if people are “snoping” commenters…. Sheesh!

  43. 43
    Kimmi Paul
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    I did baby talk to my daughter…when she was a BABY! Once she started to babble I talked like a normal person. I would use big words and everything. People always questioned why I talked like that (really???) saying she doesn’t understand what the words mean. I had to smile and explain that she didn’t know what dog or cat or nose meant until it was explained to her either. She is little, not stupid. So by the time she was four years old she had quite a vocabulary…if only she would stop talking once in a while so we could enjoy it in smaller doses :) Now I only save the baby talk for the cat lol.

    Anyone who sells giant pixie sticks to babies should also give the parents insulin and a syringe cuz that is where they are headed…

  44. 44
    rolling eyes
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    @KimmiePaul

    I was the same. I never spoke baby talk to my daughter, even when she was a baby. She started talking early and by 12 months had a vocabulary of over 150 words. People have always marvelled at her vocabulary and asked how she learned so many words. I respond by saying I just talked to her like a normal person. I’ll never forget one time when she was four – we were in the grocery store and she was reading the heading of a magazine while we waited in line (thank goodness it wasn’t Cosmo!), and she said “Mommy, I don’t understand what this means. Can you clarify it for me?” The cashier’s eyes almost popped out of her head! When I hear these kids on T&T who can barely articulate and talk like babies I just shake my head.

  45. 45
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    http://gawker.com/5982929/today-in-sentences-you-never-thought-youd-read-nelson-mandela-is-a-fan-of-toddlers-and-tiaras

  46. 46
    georgiababe
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    @Kimmi Paul and rolling eyes – Totally agree with you. I don’t have children of my own, but when I was younger I worked as a nanny for a family with toddlers and I never spoke baby talk to them. It’s so condescending when people do it, just because children don’t know everything that adults do doesn’t mean they’re stupid. Kids pick up on way more than they’re given credit for.

    I always made an effort to really listen to the kids I was babysitting and to communicate with them, instead of just talking down to them or saying \Yes, that’s nice dear\. Kids want to feel like they’re respected and understood and that you’re talking to them, not talking AT them.

    That is what pisses me off the most about this show. These parents don’t listen to their children, the kid screams and cries and moans and says \I hate pageants!\ multiple times, yet the parents go on and on about how much the kid loves it. LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD AND STOP BEING SO SELFISH. Jesus.

  47. 47
    rollingeyes
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 7:04 am

    Did anyone else notice that Katlyn’s grandpa looked and sounded EXACTLY like Boomhouwer from “King of the Hill”. Not only was the resemblance uncanny, but he had that way of mumbling when he talked so you could barely understand him (hence the subtitles) and had the same accent too. Too funny!

  48. 48
    Nancy
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    I know someone who is naming their baby ‘Cardinal”! Seriously. That poor kid is going to be made fun of when he starts school.

  49. 49
    Happy day
    Posted February 10, 2013 at 2:01 am

    I just got a baby announcement from my second cousin- they named their baby girl– Juniper. Come on – I will never be able to say that name out loud at family parties without a slight giggle.

    It was quite comical when Circus Britney Alivia’s mom said she was surprised her daughter won and joked they overscored her- so unusual when every other mom is like \We were robbed I say!\

  50. 50
    Maxx
    Posted February 10, 2013 at 6:59 am

    To paraphrase an old story from Reader’s Digest:
    After giving birth, a young mother was recovering in a hospital bed when the doctor came into the room and said, “You have a really beautiful baby”. The young mother replied, “Thank you, but you probably say that to all the new mothers.” “No”, he replied, “just the beautiful babies” The young mother asked, “What do you say about the babies that you don’t think are beautiful?” The doctor answered, “I tell the parents that the baby looks just like them!”

  51. 51
    Dear Crabby
    Posted February 10, 2013 at 9:18 am

    @chaosbutterfly… “Dead kids can’t win crowns.” HAHAHAHA. OMG, that made me bust out laughing for some odd reason.

    Heh heh heh.

    Heh. Sorry, that is just so Gasmii, isn’t it? Snort.

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