Hey! Pageant Director and TVGasm commenter Tonya is back! Yay! Also back are the brats we so look forward to. This is the America’s Ultimate Beauty being held in my favorite – Texas. The pageant includes beauty and Americanwear which is basically kids running around in flags and one dresses like a Native American. Awwwwkward.
This is how you strip!
First up is SamiJo and her mom Tricia from the Fresh Faces pageant awhile ago. She was the one who went shopping with Miss Oklahoma who clearly thought Tricia was nuuuuts. She is. But she’s also silicone now as she had a breast augmentation for two reasons – one, her boobs were lopsided and two (and probably the real reason) is to hold her pageant dresses up when SHE competes. There it is folks. We see footage of her competing and honestly, she looked good, but it’s pretty clear why she put her kid in pageants –she really wanted to do it. I love the touching scene between her and her husband about how much they’ve spent on pageants…she says $30K and he says $100K and it makes him sick. And Gasmii, this guy raises/kills turtles for a living. SamiJo doesn’t do too badly until she falls. And falls. Oh, and falls again. And falls a fourth time. In the 90 seconds she’s onstage. Next time, try the dress on BEFORE you get there, morons.
Next up is our true brat of the episode, Alexes, whose parents are the biggest pussies ever on the face of the planet and losers who “negotiate” with their kid. Yeah, you don’t negotiate with kids unless you want to hear “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” all the time and get smacked in the face on a consistent basis. Which happens here a lot. They bribe her with Build-a-Bears, Chuck-E-Cheese, and money. How about a smack on her bum? This kid pisses and moans through the whole episode and does a shit-can job onstage because she hates to practice and doesn’t know what to do when she gets up there. It’s pretty clear mom is the one driving this and it would just be smarter to join a Mrs. pageant than continue growing the monster that is Alexes. Also, by the end, did anyone else think it was more than just a behavioral problem – that maybe she had something more, uh, “diagnosable” going on? Kind of like serial killers do when people use hindsight?
Finally is a girl who is very good and polished, but something is just missing and I can’t put my finger on it. AnnaBella is a pageant princess and loves them. However, she loves herself a lot and the ego is almost suffocating. Maybe that’s the problem – you can be confident without being overbearing, but I think she gets it from mom Nicole. They both love pageants, get along well and AnnaBella is a really good kid. Throughout the show, however, I got the feeling that Nicole could go from nice mom and wife to spoiled bitch diva who withholds sex in about a fraction of a second – and that AnnaBella was picking up the bitch a little too fast. Did anyone else feel that way?
**Spoiler alert** Crowning…SamiJo ends up winning supreme photogenic – mostly because she wasn’t falling in the pictures, and true – the kid is very pretty. Stupid brat Alexes ends up winning the Americanwear although she dressed like Sandy from Grease – who was AUSTRALIAN! You know Bluedog had a good laugh at us about that and our inability to distinguish between these two continents. Or wear sunscreen. Anyhoo, AnnaBella ends up taking the ultimate grand supreme with anchovies and irritates me to no end by not being surprised. Kid was the whole package but I think kindness of heart was missing. And if anyone would know that, a recapper would. That’s kind of where we live!
Until the full recap comes up, enjoy a previous T&T recap. To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!