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Thursday, December 22, 2011
6:26 am
259 Comments
Hey! Pageant Director and TVGasm commenter Tonya is back! Yay! Also back are the brats we so look forward to. This is the America’s Ultimate Beauty being held in my favorite – Texas. The pageant includes beauty and Americanwear which is basically kids running around in flags and one dresses like a Native American. Awwwwkward.
This is how you strip!
First up is SamiJo and her mom Tricia from the Fresh Faces pageant awhile ago. She was the one who went shopping with Miss Oklahoma who clearly thought Tricia was nuuuuts. She is. But she’s also silicone now as she had a breast augmentation for two reasons – one, her boobs were lopsided and two (and probably the real reason) is to hold her pageant dresses up when SHE competes. There it is folks. We see footage of her competing and honestly, she looked good, but it’s pretty clear why she put her kid in pageants –she really wanted to do it. I love the touching scene between her and her husband about how much they’ve spent on pageants…she says $30K and he says $100K and it makes him sick. And Gasmii, this guy raises/kills turtles for a living. SamiJo doesn’t do too badly until she falls. And falls. Oh, and falls again. And falls a fourth time. In the 90 seconds she’s onstage. Next time, try the dress on BEFORE you get there, morons.
Next up is our true brat of the episode, Alexes, whose parents are the biggest pussies ever on the face of the planet and losers who “negotiate” with their kid. Yeah, you don’t negotiate with kids unless you want to hear “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” all the time and get smacked in the face on a consistent basis. Which happens here a lot. They bribe her with Build-a-Bears, Chuck-E-Cheese, and money. How about a smack on her bum? This kid pisses and moans through the whole episode and does a shit-can job onstage because she hates to practice and doesn’t know what to do when she gets up there. It’s pretty clear mom is the one driving this and it would just be smarter to join a Mrs. pageant than continue growing the monster that is Alexes. Also, by the end, did anyone else think it was more than just a behavioral problem – that maybe she had something more, uh, “diagnosable” going on? Kind of like serial killers do when people use hindsight?
Finally is a girl who is very good and polished, but something is just missing and I can’t put my finger on it. AnnaBella is a pageant princess and loves them. However, she loves herself a lot and the ego is almost suffocating. Maybe that’s the problem – you can be confident without being overbearing, but I think she gets it from mom Nicole. They both love pageants, get along well and AnnaBella is a really good kid. Throughout the show, however, I got the feeling that Nicole could go from nice mom and wife to spoiled bitch diva who withholds sex in about a fraction of a second – and that AnnaBella was picking up the bitch a little too fast. Did anyone else feel that way?
**Spoiler alert** Crowning…SamiJo ends up winning supreme photogenic – mostly because she wasn’t falling in the pictures, and true – the kid is very pretty. Stupid brat Alexes ends up winning the Americanwear although she dressed like Sandy from Grease – who was AUSTRALIAN! You know Bluedog had a good laugh at us about that and our inability to distinguish between these two continents. Or wear sunscreen. Anyhoo, AnnaBella ends up taking the ultimate grand supreme with anchovies and irritates me to no end by not being surprised. Kid was the whole package but I think kindness of heart was missing. And if anyone would know that, a recapper would. That’s kind of where we live!
Until the full recap comes up, enjoy a previous T&T recap. To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!
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259 Comments
Thanks, Crabby, for getting this minicap up so fast because I was dying to comment. I agree that Alexes had more going on than an illiterate spelling of her name and the fabulous job her parents are doing in raising an insufferable brat. There is something about her movements and expression that are somehow “off.”
I was also laughing my ass off at SamiJoe’s house. Did anyone else notice the huge dead cow on the wall or the pile of skins ripped from hapless animals piled on the dining room table? Of course, if they can come up with $100 grand for pageants, maybe the carcass/road kill business is more lucrative than I thought.
As for Annabella, I agree with you. I vacillated by thinking she was charming to obnoxious and it almost seemed as if she were putting on an act. Along with Mom, I think Dad could turn into a sonuvabitch at a moment’s notice, too.
Finally – crowning. After seeing the “performances,” I feel strongly that they gave the T&T girls (except for Annabella, who seemed to deserve it) higher crowns than they earned for TV purposes (I know – that NEVER happens, but maybe just this once).
Annabella was good. Very polished. But almost too polished, if you know what I mean. And her self confidence really borders on arrogance. She is probably going to get a very rude awakening later in life when she realizes that the world is not going to bow down and kiss your ass just because you (badly) imitate Elvis. I liked her at first and then found her insufferable by the end. And why did she remind me of Snookie? Did anyone else get the Snookie vibe? I don’t know if it was the way she talked or what. But the Snookie is strong in that child.
Alexis? HELLOOOOOO! She doesn’t like doing pageants so please stop making her do them!
What was the third girls name? Anyway, she was the one that bugged me the least this episode. It is too bad about the gown situation but that was totally the mother’s fault. You don’t wear something for the first time on stage. Period. And if you do tempt fate and do it… have an emergency kit handy that has scissors, safety pins, etc so that if you need to you can fix that shit before going on stage. Though really, that kid shouldn’t have been in a hoop skirt. It overwhelmed her. That dress was so ugly. It could have been cute if they had cut about 2 feet off of the hem. See? When I see these train wreck outfits, it makes me want to sew! lol
I knew it would be a good one when I saw SamiJo’s idiot mother and her sidekick with that thing on her upper lip. Seriously, doesn’t the sidekick have a life? Maybe they’re like the two women in the movie “Best in Show”…where Jane Lynch is hopelessly in love with the clueless blonde.
Yes, Alexes, whose mother should have been slapped when she put that name on the birth certificate, has “crazy face.” We’ll see her on tv someday as they lead her away in handcuffs after finding her parents in ziploc bags in the freezer.
And I also agree with you about Anabella. She had “TOTAL PACKAGE” stamped on her forehead…but she’s wayyyyyyyyyy too full of herself. I think Elvis himself would have been completely grossed out by her bump and grind actions in the “talent” number.
Thanks for the fast recap…your recaps are vital to my well-being.
Dear Crabby, I was looking for the full recap of last weeks show (12/14) and I can’t find anything but the mini-cap for it.
@featherhead – You might have missed DearCrabby’s comment on the other mini-recap. Apparently she went to the Christmas Pageant at the local church and woke up 4 days later on the floor of a crack house in a puddle of her own vomit wearing nothing but a toe sock and two strategically placed Pokemon stickers. She’ll catch up on the recaps soon, I’m sure. That is… unless the Mormon Tabernacle Choir have a shindig because then she’ll be out for weeks!
@Snootchy – what happens at the local church stays at the local church!
@featherhead – I think it’s just in approval mode – I was later than usual and finished it late last night…this one won’t be as late unless Xmas gets ugly. Which, I’ll be with family, so who knows.
@Snootchy Bootches, are you sure it was a toe sock and not a cock-sock? @Dearcrabby-I thought I had missed it, but now knowing it’s with Flipit (aka The Slacker), I totally understand and will wait patiently! Have a Happy Holiday Everyone!!
AnnaBella was putting on a show, she watches wayyyyyy to much Disney channel. I can not take away the fact that she did quite well and from what we were shown she deserved her win. She annoyed me UNTIL unless she was doing her Elvis(who she clearly enjoyed imitating)…when not on stage. Alexes(dumbazzspelling) appears to be a bit ‘touched’. Last week I sent Kelly to hell in gasoline drawers…I’m going to be on the same bus, I laughed each and every time SammiJo fell(she didn’t cry so it’s ok…right). I’m happy her mother didn’t try to blame it on her. I do have a problem with her putting SammiJo(dumbazzname) in the mindset that if something goes wrong you have to blame someone/thing. I’m going to say it, I want to see Mackenzie…but not Eden.
That happen to you too crabby? Only difference I had My Little Pony stickers strategically placed and Michel Jackson glove.
Annabelle reminds me od Micki Wood! There I said it!! While she was good, and you can see she does want to be on stage, she needs to dial it down some.
Samijo is a cutie! Mom not so much!! SJ is two so I will give her pass on the constant “no”. That is a two year olds favorite word!!
Alexes’ mom, she gets mom of the year award! She is right up there with that snatch Kelley from last week. Dad, that guy gets an award too, but I am just not sure.what for.
Oh, and what is up with all these sick kids? I will call out a brat on any of these shows. But Alexes and Kelleys kid last week were both sick. Speaking of sick, that is me!! Sorry if nothing makes sense and if there are a bunch of typos!! Been sick all week, and the doctor is booked through the new year!
Can’t wait for both recaps DC!!
Alexes was a nightmare! I felt so bad for the poor guy who cut her hair….she refused to say “thank you” and you could tell he just wanted to get the hell out of there by the way he said “you’re welcome”.
I am tired of these parents who refuse to raise their children with manners and a sense of respect for others…..instead, they raise spoiled brats that nobody wants to be around. But they pass off the behavior as “being a diva” or “being a princess”. No. They are being a BRAT and you are being a BAD PARENT!
@Dallasboo – Preach!
It always amazes me when you have such a fucked up dynamic in a family. The point of parenting is to raise your child to be a successful adult. By successful, I mean that they know how to behave in a respectful responsible manner, become a contributing member of society, and become a proper parent in turn. That is a parent’s job. Don’t they understand when they allow a child to be this way that one day that child is going to be an adult? How are they going to have the tools they need to live their life?
Let me tell you a little story from my life. My husband (who is wonderful!) and his brother are the only children in his family. His mom (who I adore) couldn’t say boo to a goose and the father was often away from home (Navy). Thankfully, my husband was in the Army so they taught him a lot of what he needed to know. So anyway… we lived about 6 hours away from his mom and we drove down for his birthday weekend. His mom took us to everyone’s favorite restaurant and his brother sort of invited himself and his wife along (they LOVE a free meal!). This restaurant is about 20 mins from his brother’s house and about an hour from his mom’s house. You know how when you get to a popular restaurant, you have to wait a little while even with a reservation? Well we had been SITTING at the table for an hour and a half before his brother showed up. I kid you not. And THEY WAITED for him. No one ordered! I was flabbergasted. In my family, everyone would have gone ahead and ate and maybe next time you would show up earlier. AND… they would have asked if you were out of your fucking mind because it is completely unacceptable behavior. This family… not a word was said. NOT A WORD! This is what happens to these children. They grow up into completely self absorbed inconsiderate assholes. My husband was FUMING as this happened on his birthday.
Oh Snooty. In our family the rule is “More than fifteen minutes late, you’re screwed.” Your bro-in-law would have shown up just in time to tip the waitress if it had been us. We’re not very patient people.
But on a separate note, every year my family has the annual Christmas reunion they have two relatives who show up an hour late. Well, needless to say we got tired of listening to them boo-hoo when they arrived to mostly emptied serving dishes, so they go their invites for an hour earlier. That seemed to work. But at a restaurant you either get there on time or you eat alone! That’s what I figure.
Oops, I meant Snootchy! Sorry about that. Living it up on pain meds thanks to the broken bone in my foot, so I’m gonna blame the meds!
No worries, my name gets all kinds of spellings on here. But you guys can call me anything as long as it isn’t late for dinner. See what I did there? Working in that whole late for dinner thing? Because I mentioned it above. See? I’m over-explaining, aren’t I?
AlexEs’s mom did say at the beginning that AlexEs is a very happy child at all times, smiling and having fun with everything she does. Did the real alexEs fly away to the land of flowers, sunshine and rainbows and this one showed up instead without mom/dad even noticing? By the end, we also thought there was just something not quite right with her medically. Too bad mom and dad thinks she’s perfect. She probably won’t get the right kind of attention (doctors & medication) that she seems to need.
I loved the “pixie stick” comment at the beginning – I don’t think pouring straight sugar down your kid’s gullet qualifies as “non-abuse”.
This episode tickled me – all of these people were on a reality show when they clearly have never met reality.
While Annabelle was annoying – she may have been one of the only 7 year olds on this show that sounded literate so she gets a semi-pass from me.
I’m thinking that that Build A Bear money should go to rewarding Ayelexzess every time she pronounces a word correctly, or learns a new one. Or maybe in hiring a speech therapist. Whatever floats your boat.
Annabelle is definitely going to become one of those annoying ‘Oh people’. You know the ones “Oh,you’ve never been?” “Oh,you never heard of it?”
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Alexes-Ertman-Official-FanPage/
Her moms spelling and grammar make my head hurt. That being said I think that was probably an off pageant for her.
I really need a life.
http://www.facebook.com/SamiJoGrace
Almost as much as the delusional moms who make facebook pages for their kids as “public figures”. If you look at SamiJo’s list of pageants, she has never taken UGS. She does have a long list of add on door titles like Beauty/Photo supreme which basically means mommy bought her a crown. Example, you go to a pageant and pay your $100 entry and you are eligible for UGS, GS and your division. For an extra $25 or $50 or whatever, you can add on a side prize which is pulled after the UGS and GS. So lets say the four best girls in the pageant have already been pulled for a title, you then start pulling the highest score from the girls who have paid for the door title. At some pageants, beauty supreme is the highest score in beauty after the grands are pulled. It’s possible that you had the 10th highest score but no one else paid for this side award so there’s the crown you bought. I’m just saying these “supreme” titles are not the big prize she makes them out to be.
You Guys are uneducated fools that are all either obese ugle fat women or male pediphiles or welfare recepiants who need jobs instead of bashing kids. You guys are sick in the head. For one this show is not real its fake and staged for ratings. You could really get a real job and pay your bills instead sitting your fat asses on the computer all day. You idiots realize they do edit this show? They also stage everything and also tell the toddlers exactly what to say and do. Saying a kid is a serial killer and saying they are mental is pure sick. You guys should find God fast because your headed straight to hell or will karma back on your kids (which I pray you dont have and never will as you guys are all mental and prob would abuse them by the way your talking) . I think you guys are all just jealous your ugly ass kids cant do pageants and you live in trailors…tralior trash or like i said fat and ugly. Who bashes someone over the spelling of their kids name besides someone jealous that they are creative?? I really feel bad for you guys as you are all uneducated worthless low lives!!!! As far as fan pages teenagers run both Alexes and Samijos fan pages so yes their grammer is prob off. As far as Candice she has two college degress so im pretty sure her grammer is fine. LOL idiot whoever wrote that! i have seen Alexes at several pageants as my kids do pageants and in cheer and she is amazing and always win top titles. She was sick at this pageant and didnt get much sleep. Plus when toddlers and tiaras film you film for 12-15 hours a day for 2 days not a week so imagine a child not being able to eat or get a snack until the crew allows it or take a nap. The only time she was trully upset was when she was fixing to get a hair cut and was hungrey. Also you stupid asses her American Wear wasnt Sandy it was a red, white and blue wear that was shown at the booth they cut out her whole routine which was amazing and had the whole crowd cheering! Also she did a full routine for Sandy for OUTFIT OF CHOICE the pageant edited a ton of stuff out which they also cut out and edited she spun the wheel once and thats it at the very end! They also edited out 95% of their filming including all their field trips and family time. I personally know this family and also was at the pageant and seen the whole thing and watched t n t tell them what to say. So now you fools all know what really went on you can shut your mouths and get jobs!! We have enough welfare people as it is. So stop being jealous of these families because they can buy nice things and pay for pageants. Also T n t staged the whole bribe thing since I heard their family was so normal they were too boring which is why Alexes was told to say the things she said. She also speaks very well if you knew her. The funniest part is you guys believe everything you see on TV. TV is not real its for entertainment.
I would like to see Super Nanny unleashed on some of these parents, she would hand their asses to them no problem. People raising these kinds of brats make me so INFURIATED. Hello, how about if the kid doesn’t want to practice you stop paying for pageants instead of bribing her? Seriously. What clueless people.
I felt bad for the hairstylist, I would have just outright refused to cut her hair.
WOW! You are the lowest type of trash and very stupid!! You are bashing my baby over t n t editing badly?? We did film for 15 hours and didn’t get a break too eat and they fed us everything we said and did, which is why you see us laughing it was a total joke. T N T begged us to follow Alexes and I refused for 2 months until they said they wanted to show one normal family in a positive manner. Yes I was stupid enough to fall for it! The filmed Alexes practicing for 2 hours straight which they did not show then they said now run off and scream no or leave me alone which any 3 year old would. Alexes is the sweetest most kind hearted kid you could meet who gives her own toys away to strangers just to share. She isn’t bribed what so ever that was t n t idea to get ratings! Her favorite store is build a bear which everyone we know gets her one or a gift card their for holidays and birthdays. They cut out 95% of our filming and only kept the staged things. They didn’t show her in her fashion show at diva studios or our family trip to the park, or her practicing, or her rolling her doll horses hair, or her 5 interviews she done. They also cut out everyone of my interviews too. I didn’t bash anyone and was very positive which is why we were chosen to made look bad. Every episode they whose one family to make look bad which is mostly the most normal one our of the bunch. I don’t care what you say about me but you better shut your mouths about my toddler because that is really twisted. Saying she is mental or a serial killer and you guys serious?? Only sick mental people would say something like that. So what are your fancy child molesters? Heres a thought if you don’t like the show then don’t watch it but it is 100 % fake!!! Alexes is well behaved and does get in trouble she isn’t not a brat or any of the other stuff you guys are saying. She only did what the crew told her to do. We would not have finished filming if we knew they would do this to my family but we signed a contact before filming started. She does speak clearly but once again they told her to do that. A three year old will do whatever an adult say especially if its not something they normally get to do..hense run around and scream NO. So if you guys are truly this stupid to believe everything you see on TV then do you believe we have vampires and Santa clause? Or better yet the Easter bunny?? I really loath stupid people and each and every one of you have shown you forgot to go to college?? Which is why you sit on the computer talking about children. I wish you could find GOD as you do you have a lot of unresolved issues!! I’m guessing everyone of you have hurt a child either sexually or physically by your post but I pray to God you don’t have children and never do as your outrageous twisted sick behavior is the worse thing I have eve seen. I agree with pageant mom as I believe your right all obese, ugly, trailer trash or pedophiles on here and I bet all getting that welfare. HAHA and yes I do have 2 college degrees yes that’s right. I can tell this is all jealous. I LOVE HOW I SPELL ALEXES its original and different so all of you bashing me over spelling of my childs name you guys are very stupid. Who does that really?? I should be slapped over the spelling of her name. You should be slapped for being retarded you stupid piece of trash. What’s funny is you guys are all too big of pussies to even admit who you are especially the writer who probably couldn’t hack it at the local newspaper. So until you have the facts keep you mouths shut!!!!!!!!!! If you say another thing about my child I will report this to the feds since it’s a hate crime and violent behavior towards a child oh and since you guys are all stupid they can trace each and every one of you of internet use even though you are chicken to post your names. So I suggest this crap is deleted tonight. Since you guys don’t work and stay on the computer all day long have you guys noticed that its illegal to do and say these things plus its slander so try to think about what’s right and delete this devil worship shit now. Oh and when you say my CRAZY face that was when the crew told her to run and scream and physically shoed her how to throw a fit. Everyone who know us know my family and knows who and how we are and what a sweetheart Alexes is. She is amazing on stage which TLC failed to show any of that but she didn’t win the fourth highest title by standing their and again for the slow people on here was not her SANDY routine at all!! She scored perfect in each and every event. They didn’t even show her full beauty routine they showed her practicing before the pageant started per TLC crew. Or was you guys too stupid to notice 18 don’t come before 13 and 17? My child wins ultimate and grand supreme all over at any state at national level pageants which is all we do but TLC made us out to look bad which is why they cut out 95% of our filming because it showed how loving and fun Alexes is. They only showed us for about 10 minutes on the staged things. You people have to understand this or you may truly be that stupid you believe everything you see on the TV? Also did I, mention Alexes got that haircut at 10 o o’clock at night? Justin and Crystal cut Alexes hair every month and they love her and she never acts like that EVER but imagine a tired and hungry 3 year old at 10 o’clock at night!!!! Yes its our fault she was filmed finally my husband said let her do it as she can look back on it and say I was on TV as a child and it would be an awesome memory but TLC ruined that for us and Alexes cried when they didn’t show the diva studios and asked where all the fun stuff was at we filmed. As far as speech therapy she speaks very clear and well they asked and physically showed her to mumble they like that as you even see the 7 and 8 years old talking like babies. They don’t make the money if the show showed everyone being perfect and showed how smart the kids are. Alexes evaluated as a 7 year old when she first turned 4. So sorry but no mental issues. She is the youngest on her cheer squad and sees a routine once and knows it by heart which is why she is at the front on every routine plus she is amazing when its time to perform. As far as the fan page yes a teenager runs it and I gave her permission as toddlers and tiaras is a kid’s show. NEWSFLASH and really if you don’t like it tune into the biggest looser it will help you guys shed some pounds. Yes I looked fat on there two but they had me where three shirts and had things wrapped around my stomach and microphones and battery pacts on my back and stomach. So FYI I wear a size 5 so not fat at all. Oh and I haven’t ever wanted to do a pageant never never never…you couldnt beat the crap out of me to get me to do one. Alexes was watching t n t and begged me to let her try and she loved them which you guys would have seen if they showed any of her routines or interviews but they have to do what sells and it was our first time to film so we were chosen to make look bad. The contract states they can change or edit or voice over you to say whatever they want which they cut and pasted me to say American Wear is Sandy which again it wasn’t. The bible says do not judge or ever do harm to a child and everyone of you guys have done that so I feel sorry for karma to come back on each and everyone of your kids so when you have a mental challenged kid or an obese kid or an ugly or a slow kid please remember all this nasty stuff you said about my beautiful daughter because yes she is beautiful which is why other TV networks are already working with her for things and she was also chosen for a Disney part because she speaks so well and is so pretty and nailed the interview yes also at age three. This pageant was over a year ago and she is even better now but was amazing then. A friend and her kids went on the field trip to the runway fashion show and the pageant with her kids as well and she can verify how fake t n t actually is. Alexes also was sick and I never allow her to compete sick but t n t made us film as I singed a contract a month before filming, She was only sick because her private school let her play in ice and snow with out her coat zipped, no gloves on, no hat on in 32 degree weather the day before filming. Everything you saw was totally fake and the furthest thing from who we are and how we act. Boring doesn’t sell and that’s what they said we are. I refused to bash anyone or discuss money or brag or run another kid down and that made them mad. The crew said we are the nicest most normal family they have ever met and so caring and I just wish America got to see what truly happened and not this pathetic episode they poorly edited. Also are none of you smart enough to notice none of the story line didn’t make any sense with us? It was all cut and pasted and edited vey bad. Surely one of you idiots noticed her getting the puppy in a white, red, and blue outfit and noticed the Barbie box she was in at the house at the top of the stairs?? So you children molesters and abusers need to get a clue. I just wanted to clear this up as I feel so sorry for stupid people!! What’s funny is Alexes has made more than you guys earn in a whole year but anyone can get a job at Wal-Mart so go get an 8 dollar an hour job and get your fat asses off the computer and find something else to watch if you hate it sooooo bad. PS I have a medical license so can promise you my child isn’t “special” or have mental problems but can assure you each and every one of you who bashed her has some mental issue and has all the signs of a pedophile or murderer or thinks about these things because no one normal would ever write these things so go use that government funded welfare and get checked out by the doctor before you hurt another child???
S-Snatch I think your name describes you to a T. You are clearly not all their by what you are saying about my baby. May God be with you you twisted piece of trash!! Their I said it…Oh my look put your big girl panties on and get a life you waste of space and that goes to each and every one of you on here!!!!!! Lay of the spellign of the name your just jealous everyone is my household is pretty and skinny and not fat obese ugly no bodys. Thats the problem you guys were too ugly as kids to be in cheer or pageants or dance. I see all the left over anger and clearly the person talking about killing parents and zipper bags is deranged and in need of serious medication and professional help and is also a waste of space!!! So stop praying on kids! I feel bad for each and everyone of you. Whats is like to be a no body and have nothing, cant even get a real job??
Stagemom yes you need a life but thanks for posting her fan page that a teenager created. HAHA but anyways no it wasnt an off page she did amazing BUT THEY DIDNT SHOW ANY OF IT WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ONLY SHOWED STAGGED EVENTS!!!!!!! MY KID ACTUALLY WINS THOSE TOP TITLES EVERY WHERE WE GO. THANK YOU…..I GUESS I WILL POST A VIDEO OF THE REAL ALEXES AND HOW SHE IS ON STAGE TO SHOW YOU IDIOTS EDITING CAN MAKE THE POPE LOOK BAD IF THEY WANTED!
Christmas nuts for ya
Don’t you love when people mention the bible and not judging others in the same comment where they say you are child molesters and abusers and pussies and worthless etc? It cracks me up! DE-LU-SION-AL!! And then pairing it with threats of suing? BINGO! God I love this website.
And for the record, Candace and Pageantmomof2, I am well educated with 2 degrees. And I do sit on my butt all day in front of a computer, you are right about that. But my employer pays me six figures to do so. And my butt isn’t ugly or fat. But I’ll give you partial credit. However, who or what I am doesn’t change the fact that you chose to put your child on television for the entertainment of others. And why is it that Ally and Samera didn’t come off all crazy? How come “editing” didn’t affect them? I bet it is because that child and mother weren’t showing the CRAZY that the other moms were showing.
Speaking of the other moms, I would love to see the “joke joke joke” mom come on here and try to explain it away with editing! LOL That would make my day!
Merry Christmas to all you lowlife abusing stupid fat ugly slanderers!
My Eyes!! My Eyes!!! Oohh the pain! Blinded by abysmal punctuation and lack of paragraphing…
Dear Candice – Thank you for allowing me to see the error of my ways. Thank you also for the fine examples of run-on sentences, misspellings, malapropisms, and hysterical diatribes. I shall bow to your clearly well educated, insightful self. You have made me realize that MY TWO college degrees must be burned in effigy for the life I have so hideously wasted. Oh – and mine were from a real college with professors and everything, not Jones Community College for Dumbasses, but I digress. I shall take my “twisted” ass outside and flagellate. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Who am I kidding? You are an idiot. You did make me laugh though, so thanks for reals for that!
Back at cha, Snootchy!
What was all that mumbo jumbo at the end of the comment section? Did somebody hit their head against their keyboard repeatedly? Because it looked like just a bunch of letter thrown together without regard to what they’re saying.
And crabby? I think you should stop “praying” on children, too. Somebody might think you believe in God or something and then, what would they have to yell at you about anymore?
Christmas came early for us now that Pageantmomof2 and Candice showed up. I love it when they write like morons and just prove our point.
Candice – seriously, there is something wrong with Alexes – not just the brattyness and total lack of manners (try discipline!), but something is definitely OFF. Seek a therapist soon before SHE becomes a recapper!
Thank you Santa and Jesus for the Christmas miracle of pageant parents. God bless them, every one!
I just noticed that she spelled “spelling” wrong. That just made me laugh again. The gift that keeps on giving!
Thank you, Santa, for sending us the very best of the crazies!
Thank you, mom of Alexes (more than one Alex?)for your most excellent diatribe, rich with the finest examples of literacy. I hope you will be back with more…I had an image of your head exploding and landing on your spittle-covered keyboard.
Thank you, DearCrabby and flipit, for giving us this site. My day has been made.
Merry christmahanakwanzika to us, that comment was the UGS with ham and pineapple on top!
Disgruntled, illiterate, missing basic grammar skills, hypocritical Pagaent Mom comment WAR!!!!!!! YAaaaaaaay!
DearCrabby…you are one funny mofo. I hope I grow up to be a recapper. Just. Like. You!
P.S.
Candice how many pixie stix and red bulls did you chug before you wrote that epic?
Serious.
Candice, I believe you are looking for libel (written/published statements) or defamation as your tort of choice instead of slander (oral communication). In either case, I would advise against filing since truth is a defense in all those options.
Further, you offer an unsubstantiated claim that the Bible says we should never judge or harm children. In fact, Deuteronomy 21.18ff commands parents to drag their disobedient children to the town square to be stoned to death by the town elders. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that such an act would qualify as harming children.
While certainly Christians are commanded not to judge one another lest we face the same fate ourselves, you may be well advised to remember the verse which commands one to consider the log in their own eye before pointing out the speck in someone else’s before you call people fat, lazy, uneducated pedophiles (now THAT might be a good libel/defamation case).
You know, usually your recaps are funny, if biting, and your criticism of children is limited more to criticizing the parents, or rather, the parenting. Did you have your cranky pants on when you wrote this? You were kinder to Natalie, whose mom truly was psycho. Did you seriously imply this THREE year old is destined to be a serial killer?
Sweet baby jeebus in a manger!!!! Talk about an early Christmas present I printed the comment section and do you realize her first post of ramblings was almost 2 pages long? I’m impressed 2 college degrees AND a medical license, how do you have time? I do need help, when AlexEs was tested at the age of 4 she was on a 7 year old level….but I thought she was 3. I’m trying to understand how you can pass judgment on people you have never seen in your life. To state that we Gami are uneducated and overweight would be honestly the furthest from the truth. While I am overweight I have no problem admitting it, my children loves when I do the ‘Fat Girl’ dance. I have Bachelor degrees in Early Childhood Education and Child Psychology with course work in Religious Studies, so you may be half correct regarding me. Toddlers and Tiaras has been on the air for several seasons. The show has traveled across the country and is well known among the pageant community. When you signed your family up to be aired on this show, you knew you would be judged by millions. You knew that show has been ridiculed since it has been on the air, why would you NOT expect the viewing public to view your family in an unhealthy light? We here at tvgasm.com KNOW that editing plays a heavy part in this show, but you know your child’s schedule better than anyone…why would a toddler be awake at 10 PM?? I have an 6 and 4 year old who have no idea what 10 PM looks like. Why would you let anyone tell you that your child couldn’t eat or sleep? 1 PM(or whatever her daily naptime is) is 1 PM, it is your job as a parent to make sure your child has her proper rest. Your toddler should be eating 5 times a day, what parent would allow anyone to deny their child nourishment? I stated 2 things that should have been on your control not strangers. Candice I’m not sure what type of medical license you have, but AlexEs can not catch a cold from playing in the snow naked in 13 below zero weather. Colds are cased viruses and bacteria, please consult your educators regarding that fact. Boring doesn’t sell, but your family isn’t portrayed in an untrue light. NOTHING prevents you from telling the producers you will not lie on national television, I doubt the contract states you MUST/HAVE TO lie on camera.
Boring doesn’t sell, but your family isn’t portrayed in an untrue light
CORRECTION- does not have to be portrayed
I was original and different in spelling my child’s name too. Who the hell does anyone think they are to tell me how I should spell my kid’s name? Oh yeah, that’s right – my little one, who is now a grownup. Hated the spelling all through school and hates it even more now that he’s an adult. I wish I had listened.
I might as well just named him Sue.
@Mimo – word to the wise! Was his name Pheighdeaux?
I may name my next dog that…I know she won’t be CEO of anything besides the sofa!
why do you people feed into this crap.. stay off of here,, its toxic like the people posting this bs.. some sick individuals. I bet they couldn’t take it if someone was talking about their child could they. Nope.. that is what I thought. They hide behind a screen so they wont get tracked down and hurt by who they are bashing. I dont even watch the show but talking crap about a child is plain sad!
@Carol – Then why are you feeding into it?
Just ONCE, I’d love to see a parent or pageant mom come on here and calmly explain their side of the story using correct punctuation, spelling, and grammar. I think I’d be so shocked that I wouldn’t even know how to reply.
I’m only on comment 22, but I find myself compelled to respond. First of all, paegentmomof2 complains about name-calling,, then gleefully indulges in same. Second of all, she blathers about how time could be better spent away from the computer, while wasting her own on computer. Irony. And perhaps she should spend her time learning basic English, as her post is just this side of illiterate. Or, to put it in her speak, baysick Engleesh. See? Creative spelling is over-rated. We won’t even get in to the punctuation…or lack thereof.
And it is not a favor to give a child some bizarre name which will eternally be misspelled and/or mispronounced for the child’s entire life.
Okay…on to some of the more wieldy posts by more pageant moms who Googled themselves.
I dont think that T&T begged you to come on the show.. they dont beg anyone. I know they dont tell you to act certain ways or your child for that matter.. they produce the drama that you give them. I am sorry but that little girl showed her butt. As far as Annabella.. she is a doll.. very beautiful little girl. Sami Jo, not sure she cares to do pageants.. I think its all about that mama and her wanting to be a camera hog. Showing her breast on television have you lost your mind??
Candice…what online “college” did you pay for your “degrees?” And is English your second language?
Snootchy Bootches…my favorite is the Bible paraphrase in the same sentence as karma. I’m pretty sure karma was never mentioned in either the Old or New Testaments.
Christmas came early!!!! Do these pageant moms not realize that these insane posts only make them look worse? Each messed up sentence is one treat after another!!!
If they do not want people to judge their bratty kids or lack of parenting and common sense, do NOT put your child on tv!
One last thing. I am fascinated by how many of these lunatics visiting us from Pageant World threaten physical harm to others. Maybe in their (bizarre) world it’s okay to hit or kick someone over mere words, but where I was raised name-calling is not, and never will be, a reason to inflict bodily injury on someone. Anyone foolish enough to think otherwise will find themselves in jail for the legal ramifications and in civil court for montary restribution.
Fantastic Dierre Krabeh. I missed this episode and am overjoyed to have your recap to clue me in. I need them more than ever now that I’ve finally got off my fat ass and got a job as a toddler kicker.
I had to leave for my cross-fit class (because I am obese and glued to to couch), so I overlooked that poor Candice’s aversion to spelling names correctly had crossed over to mine – it’s S-Natch, not S-Snatch. Don’t get it twisted. And it’s called “irony,” another big word you can look up. Hugs and Kisses, Candi!
As someone who has suffered through life with a “creative” spelling of a semi normal name, let me tell you that I HATED the first day of school every year. The teacher and my classmates would always stumble over my name. I was so embarrassed. As an adult, it is always spelled incorrectly. It sucks. I would never do that to my child.
(As a side note, in my case my mother wasn’t trying to be creative. She actually had a normal (though somewhat uncommon) name picked out, but it was the 60s when women were still knocked out to have babies and she was still under sedation when she named me. She couldn’t remember how to spell it, but she had to do it then or my father might have named me. They couldn’t agree on my name so it was a race to see who could do it first.)
Telling people not to come here and comment because we’re toxic??
PShawwww…
The only reason this site is not drowning in pagaent moms defending their “honor” is because they can’t get beyond captcha.
I’m just amazed some of you READ those rants! After two very disorganized and idiotic sentences my head started hurting! Candace and “mom” might have more luck proving their cases if they didn’t write like monkeys flinging poo. And I AM a Christian, but I’m a redneck Christian so I can’t help running off at the mouth every now and then and I can’t I blame anybody else for doing the same. Just MAKE IT LEGIBLE! Come on, prostitot pageant defenders! Use that mail-order GED for some good!
@Sheesh – LOL at the captcha! Best comment ever!
I enjoyed the whole, “I’ll sue you for slander you pedophile! This is a hate crime with violent behavior!” riiiiiiight. With two degrees, one would think you’d know the difference between libel and slander, and what a hate crime is. The only violent thing here is my stomach, due to the aftermath of copious amounts of wine drunk last night.
And if finding baby pageants disturbing and creepy makes one a pedophile, then…thank you?
saffie, I had to print the comment section. There was no way I could read whatever that blob of misspelled words and lack of punctuation without help. It is possible, that she is using a tablet(main reason I have punctuation issues) or sneak typing/browsing(teehee my other issue)at work.
Snootchy!
:):)
I love when the pageant moms come on here and make an illiterate rant. Does that make me a bad person? NO! These people are just this side of crazy and simply beg for our derision. Also, I would never let anyone deny my children of their basic needs so shame on you!
And P.S. – If we’re giving our credentials on here, I have a masters in nursing and work as a Nurse Practioner and as @moli said, you can’t catch a cold playing in the snow.
Candice, Candice, Candice…bless your heart. DearCrabby has done hired me as this site’s official person who teaches moms to talk real good and wright good because we seen so many moms who come up on hear and show there lack of smartness and tell us that we are children molesters and that we are fat and stupid and will burn in hell for our evilness and fatness and stupidness. Now, it’s time for some real simple grammar lessons.
Oh dear, where do I start? I am overwhelmed. Let’s look at this: “…her 5 interviews she done.” Here’s how we say it: “5 interviews she did.”
Let me choose another interesting sentence: “Or was you guys too stupid to notice 18 don’t come before 13 and 17?” Now, Candice…this is a tough one. You have 2 mistakes here: “was” instead of “were” and “don’t” instead of “doesn’t.” Read it: Or were you guys too stupid to notice 18 doesn’t come before 13 and 17? Isn’t that better?
I’m afraid that I need to stop here because a new shipment of Little Debbies has arrived out to the Wal Mart and I need to get to them riding scooters before all the other fat ass posters here grab them all up. So, maybe more lessons later.
Alice, brush all those crumbs off your boobs, get your fat stupid ass off that welfare funded scooter and attend to your duties, woman! I think you should discuss the whole there/their/they’re and your/you’re thing next because Candice is especially challenged in that area.
And Sheesh, I totally agree with Snootchy…can’t get beyond captcha! LOL!!!
Snootchy, not all Little Debbie products leave crumbs. Especially if you just shove the entire thing in you mouth.
I also need to address that pesky to/two/too thing.
the comment on the spelling and grammar.. have to laugh but @Alice its write.. not wright.. LOL.. couldn’t help but post that!
Oh Alice, you are wise to take a tasty snack cake break. If you didn’t you’d be giving lessons non-stop clear through to Valentine’s day.
Alice…Brav-freaking-o, I’m sitting at my desk laughing my booty off!!!
What’s difference between a normal child molester and a fancy one? Does the fancy one wear a monocle and atop hat? Do they snatch your child into a Rolls-Royce instead of a van? I bet they lure kids with custom made lollipops instead of store brought ones.
Also,I’m dating a vampire. The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus were in my Art History class. And the Tooth Fairy is my workout buddy.
You guys are KILLING me much more efficiently than Candes and her goon squad ever could! These are the most awesome comments EVER!! Hahahahahahaha! (And Alice – you had best not grab up all the Swiss Cake Rolls before I get there!)
@sagittariuskim, if you work out, I don’t know what the hell you’re doing here.
@Shantigal, I don’t know what I’m doing here either. Since, according to Quandise, everybody here are fat,uneducated, trailer trash, welfare recipients. I should find educated,skinny, rich, and classy people, like her to hang out with.
I hope she doesn’t mine my creative spelling of her name.
Effin Captcha ate my post!! Daym you!
Ok here is the short version! Candice just so you know we get 2 goverment paychecks in my household. One is unemployment for me, yes I am infront of my computer for about 6 hours a day. Most is doing online searches for jobs. Posting my resume. I spend time on Jobs.com, Career Builder.com and Monster.com. and the other is from the US NAVY, so fuckyouverymuchyoutwat! I will also have you know, when I was younger I was chubby, and my chubby 5 year old ass did tap and ballet while wearing a patch over my right eye becasue my left eye is Lazy. As in I cant see out of it. People do comment on how I would be so much prettier if I were to wear contacts, but I don’t because I don’t want become legally blind at the age of 32. Also I can’t have kids, so, Does that mean that God and Karma have come back and biatch slapped me? Also What parent lets their child film for 15 hours a day and not get a meal/snack or nap. There are child labor laws in each state right?
But hey, if you want to pay me 17 dollars an hour, I will come and play with Alexes for 15 hours everyday. I will also have you know, that I find Dear Crabby’s recaps of this horrible show, funny as hell! It is not her fault she says what all of the world thinks about T&T. You blame bad editing. Then why the fuck did you sign that contract? I call BS on that one. There have been alot of “normal” families on that show. Blake and his mom, and Ally and Samara. I for one, do not make fun of the kids on this show. I make comments about you and all the other moms/grandma’s and some dads…Yes I will call a kid out if they are being a brat. Hell I am a brat sometimes too! I am the worst in the morning, have never been a morning person and even my own husband knows not to talk to me when I first wake up…
Alice your ass better leave me some Little Debbie fudge bars at Walmart.You like what I did there!? (You know the ones that have the waffers with the peanut butter and chocolate on em!)
I am going to go and see if I can catch pneumonia from walking to the mail box in my pj’s tank top and flip flops…
Oh dear, looks like Pageantmomof2 and Candice got an early start celebrating Chris-meth. Really, it is not ladylike behavior, but I hear it does give some people anger issues. (illegal substances alert!)
Absolutely great comments. I think last season Alice conducted an “on-line Tvgasm special” on literacy and spelling for pageant moms that was spectacular. Sadly, some people just can’t be learnt. (:
umm what keeps happening to my posts?
Dear Crabby, you rock! Fan-Ann, Alice, Sheesh, and Snootchy, your amazing!
Hey you guys! I have work to do around my house and I can’t get it done because I keep checking back here for your comments. Ya’ll are cracking me !!
Best Friday ever.
@lindaw205…the funny thing is, all this started with the ONE paragraph I wrote about Alexes. Can you imagine the carnage with the full recap?
Dear Crabby, all I can say about your future recap is…”git it gurl, sparkle!”
Man, I wish my two degrees would let me write like that, Candice. Foiled again. I blame my mother since she didn’t get me into pageants when I was little. I would have rocked that stage!
Unfortunately she just raised me to not be a brat in public and that I had to at least do something to deserve my build a bear besides show my pretty feet. Too bad you weren’t around to give her lessons in raising kids.
My captcha is TAT3. I thought that was fitting on a Toddlers And Tiaras recap!
You guys made my Friday afternoon go by so fast. Tablet comment there may be a rouge comma somewhere. Damn these obese uneducated fingers.
I just noticed I wrote “cracking me”….did I mean that you guys are giving me the full moon treatment? Still some funny shit.
@dearcrabby – I was thinking the same thing. This is just a minicap, can’t wait for the full recap! Carnage!
I wonder what the record is for most comments in a mini-cap…
Holy crap, this is the most fun I’ve ever had 2 days before Christmas! This is usually a day I spend being one of those stressed/pissed/last minute shoppers. I’ve decided nobody is getting anything because I’m going to just waller around on the couch and read these AWESOME comments. You guys rock!
I have a confession to make – I’ve been wondering, in case this reaches 100 comments, how appropriate it would be in a T&T minicap to type COCK. You know, for that 100th comment.
@lindaw205 – I was wondering about that earlier. COCK just doesn’t seem appropriate. And I Hate Theresa or Camille is an Asshole doesn’t seem fulfilling either. How about whoever gets 100 wins the Ultimate Grand Deep Dish Supreme with Sausage… you know how we loooooove our sausage!
“Anyone foolish enough to think otherwise will find themselves in jail for the legal ramifications and in civil court for montary restribution.”
Certainly appears I’ve been drinking again. No wonder I can’t get my fat ass off the couch. Monetary retributions.
Dear Crabby,
I was so happy to see the mini-recap up so fast, then I noticed all comments!!! I want to say Candice and her family are very nice people! I am sure it is hard to see negative things wrote about your child , in saying that this is a parody website! I personally read many recaps of shows I watch on this site! All the writers are funny and I enjoy coming and reading them. Crabby is very Hilarious and I have had many laughs about myself from her comments. She may have even saved my life as she diagnosed my thyroid issue!! The people who come here on this page are fans I suppose or at least viewers! I try and advise all parents who are featured to not do a TnT search on the web after the airing and to understand this like all reality tv is edited for ratings! Crabby I have been contacted by The owner of Pixie Sticks for national endorsement contract,NOT! Sorry to all the starving gymnast lol! Waiting on the recap!
Hey! Could one of you people going to Walmart please pick me up some of those peanut butter bar things Little Debbie makes? I don’t feel like going over there myself.
Woah, all those exclamation points make my eyes hurt. I mean, ALL THOSE EXCLAMATION POINTS MAKE MY EYES HURT!!!!!!!!
Hmmm…very nice people, huh? Hard to tell through all the rage.
Thats a great idea, cattyfan. We could nominate one fat ass per week to do the Little Debbie shopping for everyone. It would certainly save wear and tear on all those motorized carts, save the legal system from all those fat ass flip flop personal injury lawsuits, and, last but not least, I wouldn’t have to get my fat ass up off the couch!
@cattyfan – I’ll do it on ONE condition – that you have an extra tall glass of chocolate milk and a plateful of fried Twinkies waiting for me – the waddle from my car to your front door is going to be exhausting and I will need some sustenance.
I always have a LD donut stick with my coffee in the morning. No really. LOL But that is only because I live in England and they can’t make a decent donut to save their pea-pickin’ lives!
And if someone is going, I also vote for those peanut butter wafer ones. Those are awesome.
Well, fuck my big fat lazy uneducated dumb gay ass sideways with a literate pageant mom’s college degrees… I wish there were untalented non-disciplined poorly-named screaming children appearing on Top Chef, cuz then *I* could get almost a hundred comments… DearCrabby, it is official, I’m jealous of you, babe… you always get the least sane people weighing in (heavily, I might add) and sugarpie, I LOVE THAT FOR YOU!!!
Merry Christmas from one of your biggest fans EVAHHHHH
love, J-Mo
P.S. My real first name is Jeremy, and when i was 18 I was going to change the spelling of it to J’heri’mhi (I wish I were kidding, but THIS IS THE TRUTH) and now as an adult (who is only sexually attracted to other ADULTS, BTW, the only attention I ever give to children is to tell them to STFU) I am very glad I didn’t stick with that stupid plan. What I’m trying to say is, let your children fuck up their own shit if they want to, you don’t need to do it for them…
OMG You guys have made my day!!! I was a little depressed earlier this afternoon and then started reading these comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you! BTW, my captcha code is BZR8 – bizarre! Merry Christmas et al to everyone and see you at the recap.
I will make the Little Debbie run/waddle for us! I am partial to the peanut butter bars, but really anything that has that waxy chocolate coating of goodness will be fine. And how about 1/2 gallon containers of chocolate milk that we can drink right from the jug?
I think someone needs to post here when the real recap is up. I just keep hitting refresh on this page.
F5 is now my best fruebd,,,
Y’all are amazing! I can’t even watch my new anime, because I keep coming back here to read these amazing comments. It took me 2 hours to get through the first episode.
dammit – FRIEND!!!
Oh, wow I’m the 100 comment. When I was writing it was only at 95.
I liked the word “fruebd”. It’s like “true bud”, but not.
I dunno, @Alice, we fat asses have to draw the line somewhere (actually, I’m lactose intolerant). Oh, wait, nvm, make mine a 2 liter Coke.
What a great 100.
Sagittariuskim, you deserve the honor after sharing your post about the difference between a normal child molester and a fancy one. Classic.
There should be a disclaimer on next weeks show that says “what ever you do, do not go to tvgasm.com because the Awesome recapper by the name of Dear Crabby is going to make fun of you and your little brats!”
I could walk to the local Walmart and get us all some of the LD peanut butter bars, but then I guess I would be getting my fat ass into shape now wouldn’t I? Guess I will just go online, and order all the LD products then choose the option to just pick up in store.
Oh, and I still don’t know what happened to my other 2 comments. If they happen to show up, sorry about the double rant!!
Oh and my “real” name is Alison. You know the correct way to spell it…but I am thinking of changing it to Aleeson. But if I do that, then how am I going to get a new job if my name is all jacked up and weird?? and I used to post with my actual name, but I stopped when I was getting cyber stalked so why don’t you just stfutyvm!
Nutty Buddy are by far my favorite Little Debbie snack, LB’s make me think of my Grandmommy. She made sure she always had Oatmeal Pie’s for big bro, Nutty Buddy’s for me, and Star Crunch’s for lil bro:).
“Yes I looked fat on there two but they had me where three shirts and had things wrapped around my stomach and microphones and battery pacts on my back and stomach.” That has to be the best quote from Candice. That’s why I look big too. What with 3 parkas, 2 snow suits and a push up bra under my shirt, I look down right chunky.
Some of you may have seen my real name, when I couldn’t figure out how to turn of the Facebook app. It is Monae, which is properly spelled Monet. My Mother got the bright idea(logical) to spell it the way it is to make it easier to pronounce when you see it. She felt people would call me Moe-net(shudders). 70% of the time growing up I had to tell people how to say my name. Just spell the name the way it is suppose to be spelled.
Nutty Buddy! I’ve been trying to think of that name! This is what Christmas break is all about…spending time trying to remember the names of things like trashy snacks. Life is good.
I insist that I make the Wal Mart run. I already have the Brenda Leigh Johnson voice AND some awesome pajamas I could wear. I think those are both necessary.
@Alice and Moli, Aww, Thank you!If had known my comment was going to be the 100th, I would have wrote something better. I was just trying to help push it there.
And as far as the Little Debbie discussion, nothing beats Zebra Cakes or their Honey Buns.
Oatmeal pies are friggin awesome frozen!
I will take my turn going to Wallyworld. But it has to fall on the day when my welfare check comes.
Mt oldest son’s name is Sean (correct Irish spelling) but his teachers kept calling him Seen. Whattareyagonnado? (shrughorns)
@That’s one my friend’s name, spelled the same way. And it drives him crazy because Starbucks always spells it as Shawn. Even though they know him, because he’s a regular customer.
@Alice-I think the proper Walmart wear, is either your pj’s and slippers or spandex and a tank-top with one of those built in shelf bras so your boobies are hanging down to your knees. Then again all us fat asses, need to make sure that either our back fat is hangin out, or our front butts!
OMG I laughed so hard typing that out, that I think I coughted up part of my lung! I think I got a cold from walking to the mail box in the rain, wearing nothing but jeans and a t-shirt and my flip flops!
@thisbuggs4u…back fat and front butts! Ha! I also need to find a bunch of loud, stringy haired kids that I can yell at and slap around.
Since we don’t work and stay on the computer all day long have you guys noticed that its illegal to do and say these things plus its slander so try to think about what’s right and delete this devil worship shit now.
@thisbuggs4u, you need to be more careful! You could have caught malaria or been bitten by a werewolf. That may not be entirely true. After all, I am not a medical professional. And pajama jeans are always proper at Walmart. How else can one proudly show off their rhino-toe?
Merry Christmas to all. This thread has been a treat!
Omg, oatmeal pies are like crack. I can’t buy them anymore because I eat one and then suddenly I wonder why the box is empty.
And if you are going to Walmart, make sure you wear one of those backfat push up bras. That way you are drop dead sexy coming and going!
Oh and Alison I think you should change it to Qualee5ohn… the Q is silent, of course.
Don’t forget your trampstamp!
God bless you Kanduss. You have brought joy unto our lives this Christmas Eve eve. God bless us, everyone.
Thanks, S-Natch. I’ll have the chocolate milk and Twinkies waiting.
Have you ever had a frozen Twinkie? They’re delicious.
J’heri’mhi? See, J-Mo…now I’m gonna have to call you Jheri-Curl…
I’m horrible at math, but I can multiply by 15 pretty well because I was OBSESSED with Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies in elementary school and would buy/eat five every day with my lunch, 15 cents each. That’s 75 cents, y’all!!
Lol I knew my 15 time tables because of Now and Laters, pronounced Nalatas:)
I knew my 3s because of School House Rock.
Nalaytas
@Moli, or as SamiJo’s mother would say “newtatas”
I am dying of lafter! Stop, pleeeese! My lungs, my lungs!! Oh my Walmart is open 24 hours, so I can go in there anytime of the night. I have yet to take a shower, and am still in my pj’s becasue I am sick but mostly because I live off both our governemt paychecks! Although one does come from the US NAVY!! If my wonderful husband were not on deployment now, he would be lafing is fine ass off as well!
But being as I am sick, I am going to go make some homemade chocolate covered pretzels! You biatches want some?? I will send em snail mail! This thread is like an early Christmas present and birthday present all rolled into one!! Thanks!!
UMM what I ment to say is that– our Walmart is open 24 hours, so I can go straight from bed…you know with that nasty bed head and all. Stringy and looking like you haven’t showered in days–this cold is kickin my ass! I don’t make sense anymore!!
“Oh Holy Recaaaapppp…the snark is loudly screeeeaaaming…It is the night when I burst people’s bubbles…
Wanna (yes grammar peeps, that was intentional) so I say wanna know the REAL deal on Ally and Samara? Do ya? Do ya? (in my best “talking to my dog” voice)
Even the wonderful, ab-so-fab, mostly cynical, ever snarky buds of mine here have been TOTALLY snowed…
NO!!! You will NOT defile the Chooky Moves! I say NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*covers ears* LALALALALALALALALALALALALALA
We need to enjoy our Little Debbie cakes now……remember- Alexes’ mother is going to call the feds on us!!! I doubt we will get them in prison!
Dammit, now I’m craving oatmeal creme pies!
Now I’m craving the little Christmas tree cakes…do they still have them? With that fabulous waxy icing/coating/whatever? But it’s 32 degrees out, which means I would be horribly sick by morning, since my coat doesn’t button.
Catty, don’t be telling me about frozen twinkies. I don’t need to know about stuff like that. So…do you just freeze them in the wrappers?
Oh my. I thought I was being nice when I said it looked like she was having an off day.
thisbuggs4u…please thank your husband for his service to this country. And ask him if we should send him some Little Debbies.
Yes, Alice. Freeze them in their wrappers, then behold the glory of Frozen Hostess Goodness. My darling nephews once got me a whole box for my birthday…froze ‘em…and yes, they presented them to me with candles stuck in them. The Twinkies, not the boys. I love those boys.
late to the party, but someone please tell me which colleges don’t require any prior or post knowledge of what a paragraph is used for?
i think i would very much like to attend one of them. Hey, maybe I could be an attorney or a doctor in time for the new year!
@saggitariuskim-are you implying that Mr. Peanut is one of them thar “fancy child molesters”?
Oh now you done pissed her off. From the official Alexes Ertman Fan page:
“Alexes Ertman- Official FanPage
EVERYONE PLEASE PLEASE do me a huge favor and go REPORT http://www.facebook.com/TVGasm they are saying the sickest things about Alexes and talking about killing and violence and saying things about her that no one should ever say about a small kid. They called her mentally ill and said she needs medication. This is crossing the line. Please everyone go report them !!!”
How many Alexes does this woman need? Is that like two kids named Alex, so you have Alexes?
Okay. Clearly my next question is how do you obtain two college degrees without learning what is in the first amendment?
And just out of curiosity, who exactly would you be reporting TVGASM to, if you were so inclined?
I didn’t want my comments to get caught up in the crazy from the “Official FanPage”.
Honey. Have you not watched this show? I’m assuming your education consists of a medical assistant license from an online school because anyone with half a brain knows that reality tv is nothing like reality and the shows are more concerned with creating characters that bring in ratings. Did you think it was going to be a cute show dedicated to how wonderful Alexes is? I have seen very few kids on the show come out looking good and the ones that do come across as pretty boring. Do we all know why they come across as boring folks? It’s because they don’t give the editors anything to work with. Look at Lori Matthews. She could be Mother Teresa incarnate but she gave the editors so much amazing footage, how could they not run with it. I have no doubt that woman adores her kids, but she came off as a raging nutjob.
I know several kids who have auditioned for this show and I don’t think T&T comes begging unless they have a good reason. If I had to guess, I would say it’s because Alexes did the funky monkey crawl in a previous episode that had people thinking she was a bit off. If T&T pursued you, it wasn’t because your daughter is an amazing pageant prodigy, because lets face it, there’s a lot of amazing pageant girls out there who don’t get picked for the show. If they did pursue you, it was because they thought they could get good footage that would make you look like idiots.
@cattyfan-while I am sure that hubby would love some Little Debbie snack cakes, they might melt by the time they get to his ship! I am pretty sure they have the same shelf life as a twinkie, I would hate to see what that box looks like when it is finally opened! He left on the 5th. The last time we actually spoke was the 9th. I sent him a box full of top ramen, and some trail mix, and a pair of shorts on the 13th, he has yet to get any ship mail…damn post office! I am hoping that someone in Customs didn’t eat all his top ramen!
Alexes rocks! More traffic to the ‘Gasm. We should send Kandiss some frozen buns.
thisbuggsu…sweetie I hope your Christmas is merry and that hubby comes home soon.
Thanks @sheesh!! I am hoping for a better Christmas…as in this effing cold is done by then. My birthday is on Tuesday, so eh. It is not going to be the same this year. As for the hubby, he is expected home in June or July….
Oh. My. God. I went to Alexes Ertman OFFICIAL FanPage (because evidently there is an unofficial one somewhere) and it’s a whole new mess of crazy.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Alexes-Ertman-Official-FanPage/301269483234686
Don’t miss the pictures of her as a cheerleader…WTF?
@Alice, so did I!! Crazy!!
“Or was you guys too stupid to notice 18 don’t come before 13 and 17?”
And my stocking isn’t even hung up yet…
SHAME on all of you! Seriously, shame on all you fat, unedumacated, no working, lazy children molesters who don’t do anything but sit on the couch eating Little Debbies (so delish!) Don’t any of you have any respect for this woman who has two — not one — but two “degress”!! I messed up big time since I went to an actual university and obtained two degrees but apparently they don’t work as well as them thar degress!
She’s a really cute kid and the cheerleading pics are what makes me think they showed her off moments on the episode. She seems to be pretty coordinated.
Here’s the things that seem off. As is really really off and not just T&T off.
1. The mom claims a teenage fan made the “official” page. Which has a whopping 150 fans. Why the hell are you letting a teenager manage your child “FanPage”? There’s other T&T girls with fan pages and their parents manage the page. Some do an excellent job of managing the page without whoring out their child’s image. Some kids are multi-talented singers/dancers/actors/REAL models and having a fan page makes sense. This doesn’t.
2. Why does the teenager managing the page have the same limited grasp of the English language and Kandass?
3. Why does she have so much makeup on in the cheerleading pictures? It seems like it’s at their gym, not a competition or anything like that. She’s got more glitter and makeup plastered on her face than all the other girls on the team put together. It’s not a pretty look.
**There are not there’s.
I thoroughly enjoy your recaps. Its late so let me just say that I received my degree from hogwarts…. Apparently they teach chooky moves there. In closing, I’ve lost 80lbs since our show but little debbies are yumm. Really though, I wish t and t showcased more mothers and children that genuinely do this because their children love it and also have a pleasant aura.
Epic fail at making sense….
soooooo tempted to comment on that page and ask who we are supposed to report TVGasm to… but I don’t want to poke the crazy beehive with my sarcasm stick…
love, J-Mo
P.S. The cheerleader pics? Are oddly… 80′s? I dunno, but I swear that’s what all the cheerleaders looked like when I was still in high school… bizarre…
Based on the link, it looks like she wants people to go to Tvgasm’s facebook page and report that. That would result, if facebook is gullible, in Tvgasm losing their facebook page. But it wouldn’t affect this site at all.
If only she would put this kind of effort into parenting her child.
I think I will go report her facebook page for trying to harass another page.
Candice,
Why the hell are you all ranting that all of us who think your kid is a brat are uneducated trailer trash who forgot to go to college. Candice, your spelling and grammar are atrocious and I doubt you could even pass community college. I on the other hand am in graduate school and I do think your kid is a spoiled brat who whined and moaned constantly. I am not trash. What is with pageant moms and Christianity? Candice stop shoving Christianity down our throats, not all of us read the bible.
@icegirl – Omg, don’t you know anything? There are only two kinds of people in this world: those who read the bible and terrorists.
So little Ellexxsys has her own “Official” Facebook FanPage, huh? According to the Facebook Terms of Use, “You will not use Facebook if you are under the age of 13″. Somewhere between all the shrieking and nauseating bribery, I believe it was mentioned that Alloeckciss was 3…isn’t this FanPage illegal and should be reported, hmmm?
Gotta go now – Need to squeeze my fat ass inta some clean stirrup pants, cause The Fingherdu’s are gettin’ a new sheet of plywood for the bay window on our doublewide this Christmas! **rebel yells**
All I have to say, is Bluzgirl is gonna have have one hell of a time with the Commentgasm for December.
Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to drag my fat pajama clad ass to my best friends and steal her Little Debbies for my Christmas Eve breakfast!
pageantmom – If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me…tell me all the dirt dearie. I didn’t jump on the A&S fan bandwagon and I would love to hear what you know, or what you think you might know, or what a friend-of-a-friend overheard in a bathroom.
I heard on another site that the Tricia/SamiJo family was shown as being a lot more normal than they actually are, which is sort of hard as they weren’t shown being even slightly normal.
OOPS – sorry pageant refugee, I referred to you as pageantmom in my previous post. And I still want to hear the dirt, all the dirt, and nothing but dirt. If I want sunshine and unicorns I’ll go elsewhere.
Speaking of unicorns, for Christmas my daughter is getting a can of unicorn meat in her stocking. She’ll think it is funny. You open it up and there is a dismembered stuffed unicorn inside. Sick, just the way we like it.
@Wilma-Oh gurl, them there stirrup pants is total Walmart wear…them things can do wonders for a front butt! While I am pickin up my Nutty Buddy’s I should pick me up a saw. Since we are a government paycheck household and all, Our baby christmas tree is going to make for some great fire wood come monday! Oh, wait, I have 2 baby Christmas trees. We killed the first one, by not choppin the end off the darnd thang! then I went and baught us a knew one cus I got into the Jesus spirt, being that tomorrow is his birfday and all…or so I hear…
HEHEEHWHW!
BTW @Ally- just want to say that I loved you and Samara. She is the cuttest little girl
Hope that your husband made it home safe to the both of you. I know what you are going through, as mine just deployed on the 5th of this month. Sadly, our communication is only through emails, and the slim chance of facebook chat. Once they cross that international date line it becomes very tricky, as you know 
I effing loved Samara’s Chooky moves! I am also glad to see that a down to earth pageant mom on here as well! Wish they all could be like you and Samara, and Blake and his mom–I can’t for the life of me remember her name!, along with Paisley and her mom, although the outfits Paisley’s mom chooses for her NOT OK, yeah I am talking about the pretty woman hooker getup!
I’ve been off the Internet for a few days and just stumbled across this comment section gem. I haven’t had the chance to read Candice’s response yet but that’s because I’m sending out my husband to pick up at least 2 bottles of wine, as it’s going to take me a few hours to read that saga. Thank you Candice for providing me entertainment that will last during the football games today! xoxo p.s., how’s it been dodging our violent gestures these days?
As a mother of a child that has done the show, I will say that they do try and portray 3 different types of families, even if the family is not that certain way. You usually have the crazy mom, the somewhat normal mom, and then the clueless mom. I will also say that TLC is very good at edits, for example, my little one was crying to go on stage and they of course spliced it to make it look like she did not want to go. Everyone does have the right to opinions, what I don’t get, so many people say they hate the show, yet watch it. And these public forums last time I checked were not English classes and can’t help but laugh at the period and comma GODS, who gives a flying hoot. Advice to the pageant moms on here defending, don’t bother, do you really care what people think? Be confident in your parenting and decisions you make for your kids and don’t let other people get to you. At the end of the day, you’re the one that tucks your baby in!!! Happy Holidays to the comma Gods and pageant Moms.
Ally – you are a real class act. Other pageant moms could take lessons from you.
I’m still trying to pick through Candice’s crazy rant. She claims that Alexes has earned more than people here earn in a year? Now, our income is in a comfortable low 6 figure range, but even if I did work full time at Wal-Mart I would make about 16,000 a year. I’ve looked at the pictures of Alexes and I’m not seeing her as a top pageant girl. Annabella threw out that she was a car winner at Dixieland which is $5000 cash. I can see Annabella pulling UGS often. While Alexes is a pretty girl, she doesn’t have the personalty of the top girls we’ve seen on this show and I don’t see her pulling top prizes at nationals. I doubt she pulls in $1000 a year in winnings and I’m sure mom is spending 20x that to get it.
@Opinions – “commas” ARE important. That’s is what demonstrates that you are a literate human being and, therefore, (look – I used commas!) hireable/intelligent/educated. Of course, you could just rely on being “beautiful.” That works a lot.
It wasn’t 10 minutes into this episode before I was thinking I can’t wait to see what @DearCrabby says about this bunch!
Alexess or was it Allexes? is another 1 of those little bitty toddlers that get borderline pageant abused.
It’s true all she does is scream and holler but then all we’re seeing is her mama making her go through all this stuff that she hates plus doing stuff that ranges from super uncomfortable to just plain hurting to get her ready.
How can anybody in their right mind think their 100% average 2 yr old can remember a “routine?”
In case anybody reading this doesn’t know, any kid that age that can remember stuff like that and do it on command is gifted. And I don’t mean facially.
And then when Samijo’s mom was going Pretty Feet! You’re not crippled! Pretty Feet! I thought Oh Lord @DearCrabby’s going to think she’s done died and gone to heaven!
Put those 2 moms up for some of those awards. Probably a whole mess of them each.
OMG! Annabella is talented as hell!
I don’t even have a guess what she’s really like and it doesn’t matter because she was performing in every scene she had and doing a better job of it than lots of people 3 times her age that are movie stars.
Then at the pageant she performed the role of a little pageant girl.
The thing that’s missing is that her mom needs to forget the pageant crap and get her into acting and dance classes because that’s what she was born to do.
Oh and 1 more thing. I hope I don’t see anybody on here bashing pageantmomof2 and Candice.
It just so happens that paragraphs are against some people’s religion.
Yes I know Candice spelled “trailer” right. It’s called the Reformed branch, hello.
@Opinions – We are not the grammar police. However, when someone comes to us and calls us uneducated while demonstrating a decided lack of understanding of basic punctuation and grammer, we are going to point it out to them. And mock them. And laugh. And then make another joke out of it and laugh again. And again. Because that is why Tvgasm exists. It exists for laughter. And the baby Jesus loves laughter. So the baby Jesus must love Tvgasm. And us.
I have never seen this show, but now I have to if there are over 170 comments on a MiniCap. I clicked on the link in Comment 147 as was amazed to find that some “lucky” Facebook Alexes fan can win an autograph!!! It really disturbs me that these people even exist.
Wow…I love it here. My sugar is out of wack just reading the comments here.
When I started my comment we were at 95….now 173? Guess you guys really don’t want to spend time with your families for the holidays.
@classy drunk I sure don’t. Not this part of the holidays.
This is Mrthxbai’s spcial time to be together with ALL his sisters, where they put toys together and all talk real loud and all at the same time just like they did when they were all under 12 and not even they can understand anything a thing anybody’s saying and it’s a miracle even 1 tab A gets into a single tab B.
I think instead of apologizing for the typos I’ll say they were on purpose to help maintain architectural integrity.
Gee, I go away for a few days and a pageant mom shows up. It is the best Christmas present ever because, as usual, they show how hypocritical and delusional they really are.
You know what really bothers me about them? They have no creativity. I mean really. Every single one of them insults us by claiming we are on welfare, fat, ugly and jealous. Why can’t they come up with something original? Something like, “Your momma eats kitty litter.” Creativity is key!
Happy Holidays, Gasmi!
@RazzBeth I know, right?
How come we never get called fake boobed strippers that are just bitter because the 1 night stand he had with us in 1988 is how Michael Galanes was able to finally quit wondering and know for sure he’s gay.
After all this awesome, is a full recap even necessary?
Yeah, what SnootchyBootches said!
I think it would be awesome to copy the message from Candice and use it as a lesson for my language arts classes. They would have a ball editing!
kthxbai, I want to hang out with you. Hell, I want to hang out with most of you!
Okay, everyone at my house has gone to bed, probably in a diabetic shock from so many desserts. So before I do my Santa bit and fill stockings, I thought I would check back by. I think that we now have the duty even the honor, to carry this minicap to 200 comment status. So help me out and let’s do this for Crabby!
Good grief…first I spend all this time talking about sugar-laden goodness with you guys. Then tonight we were guests at a friend’s house, and there were three full counters of desserts. I avoided most of them, but had to try the home-made gingerbread whoopie pies and the flourless chocolate cake. And the specially imported rum.
I both love and hate the holidays…
@kthxbai 178…lololololol
QQ…I was thinking the same think. What else will be left to say?
Whenever I see the comment war start for some reason I always say “comment warrrrrrrrr” like ozzy Osborne says “all aboard” in Crazy Train. Just my random thought as we roll into Christmas Day.
Well, I’m still up. I just got through making peanut butter reese cup cookies and you better believe I’m making sure those things leave my house with guests tomorrow. And now I’m about to make cranberry nut bread for my sister to have for breakfast in the morning. Anybody else have any special requests?
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I’m jealous of all of you, who’ve gotten to eat desserts. My mom made a red velvet cake, carrot cake, and chocolate, but I have to wait for tomorrow. Well, since its almost 2am, make that later on today.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y’ALL!! Am up early starting the Christmas dinner and thought I would stop by and wish you the happiest day ever! Becoming part of the ‘Gasm has been one of the best things I’ve done in 2011, thanks to all of you. Oh, and @Linda – how about a nice Mimosa and a couple of those cookies tossed my way?
Merry Christmas to all Gasmii and pageant moms who come to bash us!
Merry Christmas guys, this is my first Christmas as a full fledged Mommy(Nommy). Up at 530 opening presents now we are baking Chocolate Peppermint cupcakes to take to GrandMoms(My Mommy). I see we are almost at 200!!!
Merry Christmas to all of you moms. New moms, old moms, pageant moms, fat moms, skinny moms, grand-moms, non-moms, pet moms, all of you.
My blood sugar’s rising just reading about your holiday treats. I’m busy stuffing my mushrooms. I wish that was a metaphor, but alas, I’m actually stuffing about 100 or so mushrooms, with a savory mixture of hot Italian sausage, parsley, roasted garlic, sour cream and since it’s Christmas, the GOOD parmesean. Maybe I should post this in Top Chef – hell, Merry Christmas to all the wanna be chefs out there too.
Yes, Merry Christmas to everyone! Hey shantigal, I’ll trade you some cookies for those stuffed mushrooms, those sound so yummy. And S-Natch, you are welcome to cookies and breads, maybe even the mimosas but that’s debatable since I can put away a pitcher by myself. So I guess a Merry Christmas to all us overimbibers, too!
Kind of a low-key holiday in the Bootches household this year. We are in the process of moving to another continent so no decorations this year. I am trying to put things IN boxes, not take them out of boxes.
And no gifts either. We don’t need anything and are trying to get rid of things rather than collect more things. This is good for the local charities as they are getting lots of great stuff. But we are happy to be together and happy to be moving back home soon. And I just put a yummy ham in the oven. So being with my husband and having a great meal is all I could ask for this Christmas. I am blessed.
I wish you all the happiest of holidays!
@Alice, thanks for posting the link! Seems Chandyice (yup! I’m putting an Italian twist to this) was pretty pleased about the way T&T portrayed her when the episode first aired, since she posted: “OMG I LOVED MY EPISODE!!!!! DID EVERYONE LIKE~~ BUT PLEASE REMEMBER THAT TLC EDITED ALOT OF THAT!!”… Seems editing wasn’t that big of a bitch at that time.
Loved everybody’s comments on this thing. For a couple of hours, it made me think of something else than my liver wanting to commit suicide after yesterday’s Christmas Eve’s dinner.
p.s. Excuse any mistake in this thing. My first language is french… And I guess it also has to do with the fact I only have one college degree. I hope I’ll level up with Khandysse’s flawless grammar if I ever choose to do a second one.
@tlondon: judging by Kanddeesse’s obviously exhaustive knowledge of what a hate crime or violent behavior is, it is obvious a Law degree is offered at that college. And that she owes one!
*owns!!! :S Sorry!
What I want to know about Kanddeesse’s “degrees” is if ANY of the credits will transfer to an accredited university. I highly suspect not. Freshman composition at any fourth-tier, satellite state campus would have weeded her out the first year, dashing any hope of her earning a degree. If we had some similar course to weed out people who should not become parents, then I think she would have to take (and fail) that.
Trying to help out Crabby and bump it up to 200! Sorry, though, that Candes and PageantMomof2 have obviously decided to take their toys and go home, since they have abandoned us. Funny – that’s kind of like what bullies do, isn’t it? Pick fights then run away when someone calls them on their bs. Surprising, I know.
PS – If you are so worried about “them thar pedophiles,” why do you have a Facebook “fan page” for your daughter whereon she is wearing more makeup than a two dollar hooker? Just askin’
oh you know I couldn’t
resist!
Itchy! You got 200 and you forgot to say…
…What were we going to say?
it’s a Christmas miracle! Y’all did it!!
Oh my God…this is the best! Do you think DearCrabby will get a bonus from flipit for having so many posts? Perhaps a Christmas ham, or maybe a nice cheese and sausage gift basket from Swiss Colony?
Please, Santa…let Khandiss come back and give our black hearts more happiness and joy.
Well, we can only hope for another Christmas miracle. Maybe they’ll visit the full recap!
I’m coming in late today, but I wanted to wish you all MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope everyone had a peaceful and fulfilling day. Our day was both fulfilling and just plain filling.
I hope she really doesn’t get anyone to report our perfectly legal activity to the….uhh…head internet monitor…..guy…..department.
I think someone should post Candince’s ravt on her fb page. I would fucking love that. I would love to be able to listen when she calls the fbi
Candice, among all your 2-year college degree ramblings to defend your irresponsible actions, you said yourself that you all have watched T&T in the past. Your book of defenses cannot make up for the fact that you knew EXACTLY what you were getting yourself and your daughter in to (sorry, I ended with a preposition, but you get the point). Basically, shame, shame. We know your name!! Your whole rant is a huge contradiction and even though I’m on holiday right now, that’s about all the time I care to even waste in you. Oh and by the way, I am not trailer trash, am not fat and overweight as I exercise regularly, my household income is 6 figures…..oh and I’m from Kentucky (Go Cats!). I’ve learned to laugh at all the KY jokes because JUST LIKE T&T, we are all stereotyped in the same manner. Deal with it. You did this!
@KYjen, I also hate ending a sentence with a preposition, so I’ve found that just by adding the word – Bitch – to the end of your sentence works in every situation! Try it! You’ll feel better.
I’m dying to see her reaction to the full recap!
210 comments! WOW! Does anyone know what the record is for a minicap? or a full recap? As a proofreader, I found Candice’s retort both hilarious and frightening. I wouldn’t want to take on that mess…
@KYjen, don’t apologize, especially to a loony pageant mom. I got dinged on points once by some lab TA for ending a sentence with a preposition in a report. The “preposition” in question happened to be used as an adverb, but he wasn’t having it. Anyway, it’s easy to find permission online, even for prepositions.
http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/ending-prepositions.aspx
Even though it is a little late. Dear santa please let classy Kandiss comment on the fullcap.
I can’t help but wonder if her medical degree is as a CNA. I would imagine so. My little sister got that at 17 so it’s really not a tough degree to earn.
Also if you are really concerned about pedophiles commenting on your daughter, don’t put her on tv. Even if your child was a perfectly behaved angel on the show there would still be people that would have negative things to say. It is the nature of putting yourself in the public spot light.
Last nice to see how classy you are when calling others peoples children ugly and fat. While it is horrible to judge your child it is okay to judge others children.
Finally this is a website devoted to nothing other than poking fun of the drill that is on tv. If you don’t like it don’t read it.
Oh yay! I guess things were so tough she killed Alexes facebook page. Mauhhahahaha.
Must have been all the darn hate crimes!
I just clicked on the link above and the page is still there. :/
featherhead…I love your advice for solving that grammatical conundrum. I shall begin adding the choice word at the end of a sentence whenever the appropriate opportunity presents itself.
Only 71 red so far and I am lafing my fool hed off! I luv it!
Puttin visine in so I can continu…………..Oh, and I have a fat ass and spend all my time on the puter too. Oh…forgot my degrees…it’s 6! (they not smart…they won’t get)
Candace’s rant shows that she is embarrassed, plain and simple. I don’t know how, at this stage in the game, anyone could go on T&T and not expect to be edited. The first season, maybe, but it has been going on long enough for people to realize what the show is all about. I’m sorry, but people earn the infamy they bring on themselves. A couple of years ago my daughter (who does television/film) was asked to audition for a show up here in Canada, similar to T&T, that follows child actors. I said no, because I was smart enough to know what would have happened. If Candace did not want to say something that would make her look bad (ex: the bribes) she simply could have said “no”. While I do believe that the show is edited (it was clear that the Sandy outfit was NOT the USA wear), I also do not believe that all of the behaviour and dialogue is scripted. Candace’s rant was laughable; she accuses us of being fat, uneducated trailer trash (sorry, Candace…I have a PHd, teach at a Canadian university, am a size 7, and live in a 4200 square foot home)yet her post was full of spelling and grammar mistakes and made her look like a raging lunatic who does not even know the difference between slander, libel and hate crimes. Furthermore, if T&T is really filming for 15 hours a day and not letting the children take breaks then they are breaking labour laws. As I said, I do not live in the USA but here in Canada my daughter can only be on set for 8 hours per day, and cannot work for more than 45 minutes without a break; I cannot imagine that the laws are that different in the U.S. I watch this show as my guilty pleasure (my fellow professors would probably die laughing if they knew!) and therefore do not put much stock in what I see, but I also cannot feel sorry for people who contract themselves and their children out for a few minutes glory on a trashy reality show and then complain about how they are portrayed. You reap what you sow, people.
Candice, behold the Streisand Effect.
My favorite part of the barely coherent rantings? The bit where each of them said called the kids of Gasmi readers and recappers fat, ugly, retarded, etc. It’s not ok to say anything mean or unflattering about THEIR special snowflake babies, but it’s totally fine to say mean things about other kids!
Wow. I finally had the time to read this. I figured that it would be a good primer for the full cap. Glad that I did,( bitch?) lol
I am curious about the “Santa clause”. Is this in the contract that you signed with T&T?
Sami Jo’s mom was ONLY on T&T to show off her boobs. That is the only reason they decided to follow them. She is a crazy ass pageant mom that really has no clue about pageants. She took up more time than her little girl did if you ask me. I dont think that little girl has even won an UGS title.. and the title she won,, well she bought that so lets get that cleared up right now.
“I am curious about the “Santa clause”. Is this in the contract that you signed with T&T?”
If I had on my too tight jeans I probably would have bust a button with the belly laugh I just had from that.
“Alexes is well behaved and does get in trouble she isn’t not a brat or any of the other stuff you guys are saying.”
Well, I think that pretty much sums it up. Thanks for that clear, well-thought-out, totally coherent explanation. It all makes sense now.
I get the rest of the week off as vacation time, so it’s been AWESOME knowing I’m getting paid while I sit on my fat ass and TvGasm, especially the excellent comment sections! I have never seen an ep of T&T (we can only afford basic cable) but crabbypants (I know, not real recapper’s name, but I just watched 2 hours of Spongebob, couldn’t resist) is such a great writer, she makes me like I’m really there! Congrats to everyone for pushing this past 200 comments, even though I hate you all because I will have to go to Walmart later and buy LD Nutty Buddies and oatmeal cookies (or as my kids call them, “oatmeal cookie cakes)!
Finally caught up here, I’m off to read the “Top Chef” recaps next – damn, I hate not being able to afford Bravo anymore
Makes me FEEL like I’m really there. Damn, forgot to take my ADD meds, apologies if I skipped any other words in my comments
This, my friends, is the best thing that I’ve ever read….EVER! Just amazing! I could not be happier that I accidentally stumbled onto this site three years ago than I am right now! Glorious!
I have not read all the comments so this might have been noticed before.
They have taken the Alexes Fan Page down. The link is in comment #20.
The page is still there. One of the links doesn’t work. This one does:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alexes-Ertman-Official-FanPage/301269483234686
Holy Crap! Best. Minicap. EVER. I think Candiss missed the disclaimer on her diploma from Hamburger University where it states that they are not actually an accredited college. So I guess her degree in Nugget Technology won’t help her get that PhD in English.
I really wish Candeess would come back and post. I mean, 230 comments! One little post from her and I know we could get it to 300!
LOL 6 figures sorry people who make six figures do not sidcuss it on a pathetic joke website!! Yes your right I was so made I didnt not use spell check because I was just wanting you sick pieces of trash to shut your mouths. I did not receive my degress from any on line college and sweetheart if you had real degrees youwould work for a well know magazine not what ever this is. So Yes find God and yes anyone that prey on Kids are real sick child abusers. We all know its ture. Another thing the y do not show every family as being bad or crazy they randomly select one because as they said if they show all the good then ratings will drop. We have been on this show three other times and never shown this way. But since you guys are so stupid and lack education to believe everything you see on tv then I feel so sorry for you all. They had a full script for us on what to say and do. Sorry to spoil it for you did you also know their isnt a Santa Clause? They said we were so boring they cut out 955 of our filming. They only shown their staged events. I told them I was done filming that I wasnt going to put on a show and they said I could not get out of the contract. I didnt not know they would do this to us. The fact that you try to justify a 3 year old shows how sick and troubled each and everyone one of you guys are! I do hope you all find God as it is clear none of you guys have him in your heart. Once again too funny you say you make 6 figures LOLOLOLOLOL working on this site. HAHAHAHA you are a joke. Go back to school and get a real degree and find a real job and stop lusting after kids you sick freaks!
I really could’nt care less what any of you un employeed freaks say. Sorry i have a life and do not sit on the computer preying on kids. LOLOLOLOL medical degree as a CNA? No fool thats not even a degree. Nope I didnt take down my childs facebook page because of a bunch of pathetic fat women bashing her because your jealous. I will pray for you guys because Some of you low lifes have been posting on the t n t sites and clearly say you do not belive in God which is so so sad. It must be miserable to live this type of lifestlye. I mean really? You get off by bashing a child and sayng sick things? Like I said if any of you could hack it at a real magazine or the local newspaper you wouldnt be so full of hate. Mabey get a real degree instead of the print off you googled!! Thats it Im done I wont play these sad games with you all. The lady that her daughter does a tv shoe..tahts just laughable!!! HAHAHA you guys really gave me a huge laugh and I needed it. I felt bad what you guys were saying and tried to explain that reality tv isnt real and is fake but you are all too stupid to understand!! I can’t stand stupid. By the way I didnt bother to use spell check again as im on my phoe and wont waste my time to get on my computer as you are all devil worshipers and lowlifes..oh that make 6 figures HAHAHAHAHAAHHA give me a break!! FOOLS
YEEEEEHAW!! It worked=)
And Candyass, yes there is a Santa Clause. I saw it on TBS three times last month, swear to god. OOPS! There goes my devil worshipping fingers again…
As majestic as the cascading water from a broken sewer pipe, Candice’s fevered words blather on. Tell me dear, was it something we said?
DEAR CRABBY….GET A LIFE YOU PEDAPHILE!!! THERE ISNT ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY CHILD YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOUR KIDS ARE FAT AND UGLY!! i ACTUALLY HOPE YOU DO NOT HAEV ANY AT ALL. SERIOUSLY WHAT KIND OF LOSER TALKS SHIT ABOUT A 3 YEAR OLD BESIDES A FAT UGLY ASS LOSER! yOU ARE SO JEALOUS IT IS COMICAL!!! DINS SOMETHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT OR GET A LIFE OR MABEY A HUSBAND…WAIT I THINK I NAILED IT YOU SONT HAVE A MAN SO YOU CANT HAVE KIDS..THANK GOD THANK GOD!!!! YOU WOULD BE A WORTHLESS MOM BUT HEY YOU WOULD GET MORE WELFARE AND MABEY GET TO UPGRADE TO A DOUBLE WIDE TRALIOR??????????? THE ONLY PERSON THAT HAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM IS YOU. YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL AND DERANGED!!!!! QUIT FANTASIZING ABOUT THESE BABIES YOU ARE SICK!!!! I SEE WHY YOU ARE SO ANGRY, YOU WONDER WHY ME…WHY DO YOU LIKE YOUNG GIRLS. YES ITS NOT NORMAL AND YOUR NOT NORMAL SO WHY DONT YOU GET SOME THERAPY AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH ABOUT MY CHILD NOW. I REALLY REALLY FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU BECAUSE IF YOU FOUND GOD YOU MAY GET HELP AND NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT CHILDREN. MY CHILD IS VERY VERY SMART AND IS WELL ADVANCED AND EVALUATES 2 YEARS OLDER THAT HER AGE. CAN YOU BE HONEST FOR JUST A MINUTE AND USE YOUR BRAINS OR WHATS NOT BURNT UP FROM ALL THE DRUG USE…DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE EVEYRTHING YOU SEE ON TV? DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU WATCH ON TV BECAUSE THAT RIGHT THEIR SHOWS HOW PATHETIC AND STUPID YOU REALLY ARE! YOU ARE A FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REALLY SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU HAVE PROVED YOU ARE UNSTABLE AND I KNOW YOUR MAD THAT I CALLED YOU OUT ON NOT HAVING A REAL JOB AND NO DEGREE WHICH IS WHY YOU “WORK” FOR A CHILD BASHING INTERNET SITE LOL…THATS A JOKE IN ITS SELF!!!!! I HAVE EMIALED THE OWNER SEVERAL TIMES AND HE HAS SAID THIS SITE IS ALL A JOKE SITE AND YOU PATHEITC PIECES OF TRASH SAY WHAT EVER. SO REALLY I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU SAY BUT HEY THANKS FOR CARING ABOUT US SO MUCH THAT WE CONSUME YOUR WHOLE LIFE. PATHETIC!!1 SINCE YOU LOVE THE INTERNET YOU DO KNOW THEIR IS MATCH.COM THAT CAN FIND ANYONE A MAN TRY IT…YOU MIGHT FIND SOME HAPPINESS!! I WOULD CALL YOU A FEW NAMES BUT THEY WOULD ALL BE COMPLIMENTS. SO WE WILL STICK WITH TRALIOR TRASH…….:D
Owie, my ears hurt from all the shouting. But not nearly as much as my mind hurts from all the stupid.
love, J-Mo
Since when did feeling sorry for a screaming child transform Into lust and pedophilia?
That said, I am taking my fat child hating ass to work as a medical professional, I got too tired of living in my rotted trailer and collecting guvment checks.
@Candiss — That shit kray — in my best Kanye West voice.
@Candice – Just when I thought it wasn’t possible to violate the English language any worse, you proved us all wrong. They haven’t developed a spell check powerful enough to fix that shit. Thanks for being you.
I have resisted posting as poor Candice has made herself far too easy of a target for the rapier wit so many of you have exhibited. However, I must comment on one point. My dear Candice, should we be addressing you as Dr. Ertman? I mean because you have a medical degree. Which, in my 20+ years of experience as a clinical instructor of nursing at a major university medical center, means one has a degree from a medical school. As in a doctor of medicine. Nurses, pharmacists, medical technologists, physical therapists and other health care professionals do not have medical degrees, even if they hold a PhD in their field. Or should I say even if they don’t not hold a PhD? But then that would mean they do have a PhD…sweet Jesus, it’s catching!
“Thats it Im done I wont play these sad games with you all.”
Oh noooo Condlysace, these aren’t sad games at all! They are very happy, joyful, hysterically funny games that bring a lot of happiness to all of us. Such a shame that “MABEY” you aren’t allowed to have fun since you signed the Santa Clause and all.
“The lady that her daughter does a tv shoe..tahts just laughable!!!”
I want a TV shoe!!!! I have a computer dress (thanks to Alice’s brilliant Walmart clothes invention) and even an Ipod shirt but not a tv shoe! Is there a tv shoe website that doesn’t have any child bashers on it? I must have one!
Btw Candice, rapier wit does not mean funny like a rapist. You know, just on the off chance one of your two degrees was not in Common English Terms Not Heard on ‘Hillybilly Handfishin’.
Perhaps Candice can borrow some of AlexEs money to buy a clue. Or a spell checker.
Wow, um, not everyone who thinks your child needs medication is fantasizing about doing inappropriate things to said child. If you dress your kid like a common street-whore I can see where it’d be easy to think everyone was a child molester. Since nowhere on this site has anyone made a comment even ELUDING to sexual urges towards kids, I have to wonder if maybe something is seriously wrong with a mother that would assume so many fat, jealous women who don’t have degrees are hoping for a toddler nip slip or something.
Also, nobody that recaps actually works for this site as a job. I currently make fun of actual whores (The Kardashians) on here and I’m not paid or employed by TVgasm. We recap these shows because it’s fun and because every now and again a crazy, illiterate, overly-defensive freak of nature will write nonsensical rants that keep us amused for weeks. We all have real jobs. I’m in credit card fraud prevention, personally. I don’t have a man because I’m a lesbian, and before you start waving your ignorance around like a goddamn checkered flag, I’m only attracted to women my own age. Usually a few years older than me, actually. Plus, healthy well-adjusted people don’t require a partner to validate their existence, regardless of their sexual preferences.
As for finding God, if being a good Christian will make me happy like you and your family clearly are then sign me up for some naked Pagan moon dancing or something. You guys aren’t any happier than the atheists and agnostics and Satan worshippers and Buddhists I’ve seen. Waving a book you clearly don’t understand at people just makes you look stupid and angry? What would Jesus do, Candis? Cause I bet he wouldn’t parade his kid around like a hussy and accuse random people of wanting to fuck her. And I have it on good authority that he would definitely use spell check.
I think Alexes has autism. She has that autism vibe going (and I have two nephews with autism, so I recognize it).
If that is the case (and I admit I don’t know for sure), pageants are not what she should be doing. Seriously, get that child some help and fast. I’m not being nasty or mean, I’m being very serious.
Candyass – You seem to be overly concerned on whether or not we are Christians and believe in god. But I think the real question is do YOU believe in god and do YOU consider yourself to be a Christian? Because the last time I checked, Jesus sort of frowned upon people who behave as you do. You like to speak in a devilishly hateful way towards others. You like to accuse people who criticize you of raping and sexually molesting children. You have wished that people would have children that were killed and children that were mentally disabled. You have wished disease and violence upon us. All because we criticized you. Please explain where Jesus taught that was ok. But given your lack of grammatical skills, maybe you can’t read and just sort of skimmed the bible. You might want to go back and try again.
And as far as Match.com goes, I’d sign up to get a man, but my husband of over 10 years might disapprove. But thanks for the suggestion.
I have solved the mystery!!! I googled and saw immediately that Candyass is a Physical Therapy Assistant. So much for a medical degree! LOL Another google search on the job shows that schools that train for it offer either an associates or a certificate. Yes, many of the schools are those which advertise on match book covers, why do you ask?
I always assumed that when she said she had two degrees she had an associates and a bachelors.
And in honour of the 250th comment, I would like to say COCK. And also I hate Teresa. And let us not forget, Camille is an asshole.
To celebrate this momentous occasion, I want everyone to get their fat asses off of those couches. Or off your little rascals, if you are at walmart. And don’t worry about bringing any government cheese or having to cash your welfare checks. Because the Little Debbies are ON ME!
Snootchy-I assumed she had some quasi-health care related training that didn’t require a bachelors degree. My son is in the college app process, writing essay upon essay for each school. Oh what I wouldn’t pay out of my Welfare check to get to be the admissions coordinator who had the pleasure of reading an essay written by our little Candy Shakespeare. But then, the ITT Technical School of Allied Health Careers and Car Repair doesn’t exactly require a an 800 on the SAT writing section.
Correction: Dr. Candy Shakespeare, cuzzin she has a medical degree and such.
I laughed so hard while reading this; I did not want it to end. You all are brilliant (you tell ‘em themiki.) I tried to come up with a sentence ending in a preposition, but there was nothing I could think of bitch.
Oh Candice, every time I read one of your messages I can almost hear banjos playing…
G’day Crabby – yep Sandy is an Aussie although Livvy probably considers herself bi racial. I got so excited I read it out to my friends (who don’t have pay tv) but then had to explain what T&T and tvgasm was. For some reason they also thought that my plan of getting on a plane for 24 hours to see a pageant, meet and drink with Betty, and organise a tvgasm reunion is utterly mad. BTW I still have your Christmas present.
G’day Candice…I have not seen your episode as we are only up to the Braxton and Alaska episode here. I live in country Queensland Australia and I love to get online to find out about other people and about the things we don’t have here. Such as Walmart (what is that anyway), pageants, pixie stix, etc. However, I hope and pray you or your children never come into contact with a pedophile as it is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a child. If you had you would never have called other people pedophiles as you have in your comments. Has it occurred to you that one reason women let themselves become overweight or are on welfare is because of what happened to them as a child? I have worked with girls who were abused and if you heard their stories you would not have written what you did.
@bluedog – Everything you need to know about Walmart can be explained by this website: http://www.peopleofwalmart.com However, go to this site at your own risk, be aware that you will be exposed to things that can never be unseen.
Thanks Woosterek I think. I have never laughed so much (except of course for T&T and tvgasm.) Walmart has to be the first stop when I come to America. But seriously are those people real??????? Do they really wear those outfits ??????????????? And who takes a goat or a raccoon shopping ????????
Sadly, those ARE real people, and yes they really wear those outfits. Walmart is the shopping venue of choice for white trash hillbillies. It’s a sort one-stop super store where you can buy ammunition for your gun, tires for your truck, chicken nuggets and Mountain Dew for your kids, buy a tube top and get your mullet trimmed for that hot date. It’s an amazing place.