Holy majoly, it’s Toddlers & Tiaras episodes like this that make up for the boring ones with really good kids. This one had it all – craziness, fat mommas with bats, raw meat, gum smacking and subtitling of people whose first language is actually English. American reality TV, do you ever stop giving?
Nope…it gives and gives and gives. Wow.
Pageant Director Tanisha Dorsey (we’ve seen her before) is heading up the Precious Moments pageant and those moments do not disappoint. They are doing an autumn theme with stage decorations of hay bales and pumpkins with tiaras. “We’ll let our girls do what is ever necessary to take home a crown,” she says. Rephrase, please.
Let’s review. Pediphile/Pedophile/Nail File/Paper File.
First up, in McIntyre, Georgia, right next to the train tracks (and I mean RIGHT NEXT TO) we meet our first family of the episode – while they are throwing paper towels at each other.
What a waste of a Brawny Man!
We meet our good friend and resident Jabba, mom June who claims to be the “coupon queen.” She grabs a stack of toilet paper from a shelf of toilet paper (next to ANOTHER shelf of toilet paper) and throws it into the fray. Daughter Alana is 6 and says, “I’m a beauty queen,” in such a way that clearly we should all already know it.
She tells us that those other girls must be crazy if they think they are going to beat her, “honey boo-boo child.” Hahaha! This kid totally cracked me up. I really think this kid is cute – not really in a pageant way, but more in a she’d be a good character actress in Disney films. Due to the tight curled bob, she gives off a very flapper-vibe, almost Betty Boopish, and it is adorable. She is actually one of the funniest kids on the show. Sadly, I think we all know what she’s in for between now and the high school graduation she will probably never see, which sucks.
She starts to do a dance them she goes round and round kind of crazy then stops and looks around. It’s like a spinning top that gets faster and faster, then slows down and is very dizzy.
Then we went to this speakeasy, see…
In June’s kitchen, we see very neatly stacked shelves of paper towels, toilet paper, detergent, deodorant, and cans of just stuff and stuff and more good stuff. June tells us the couponing helps they pay for very expensive pageants. She admits to spending $8000-9000, which we all know is chump change in the pageant world. For these folks, that’s like their retirement.
At least they are clean and odor-free.
In St. Mary’s, Georgia, we hear a little girl being told by her mother, “Them girls practice every day,” as we meet Laci, 8, who tells us she’s all that and a bag of chips. Mom Alicia says we’re going to go “Ga-ga” over her daughter…mostly because of the raw meat. You heard me.
That’s not happiness to see me.
Alicia says Laci’s pageant strength is her personality, which is really code for ugly, right? I mean, don’t judges normally look for pretty girls as opposed to interesting ones?
Laci says she’s never lost a pageant, which is probably true given the participation pity awards they always give out. She doesn’t need to know the truth. She says she’s better than the other girls because she’s “sassy.” And “yelly” and “screamy” too.
“Diva style,” she says. “Diva this!” and she snaps her fingers three times. Yeah, I bet this kid sucks onstage. Alicia tries to keep practicing but suddenly her little diva wants chocolate – which mom says she can have after she practices. Alicia admits bribing her kid with chocolate to get her to practice…but Laci won’t. Instead, she steps out and screams AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. FOR A LONG TIME.
Just waiting for the head spin and projectile vomiting.
“Scream all you want to,” Alicia says, showing her parenting skills. So Laci does. Mom covers her ears and says, “That is so loud!” Ya think? The poor sound guy is probably deaf now. And grateful for the silence!
Alicia says Laci can be “momma’s little angel” (we’ll have to take her word for it) and the next minute she’s screaming bloody murder. Sounds like a job for Super Tranquilizer!
Laci is rolling all over the floor tossing chocolate pieces into the air and eating them off the kitchen floor. It’s actually kind of creepy and not very sanitary. Laci says when she eats chocolate, she feels like she’s in “chocolate heaven.” Just wait until your period hits and you are in “hormone hell” and binging on chocolate.
In Vidalia, Georgia, home of Crabby Daddy’s favorite sweet onion, we get a quick view of a very dirty trailer and I really feel sorry for this family. We meet six-year old Heaven who is a “pageant angel” and a gum-smacker. “Smack! Smack! Smack!” Oh man, how much do I hate this? A LOT.
Is that gum or did you just lose a tooth to meth mouth?
“How many pageant have you did, Heaven,” mom Brooklyn, says. Oh. My. God. Heaven says she’s won “Fifteen plus 22 pageants,” then counts in her mind and says, “38,” which although she is off one, she counted 22 as one of them (instead of starting with 23), and that’s not bad for a 6 year old not using a calculator. In America.
Greasin’ her up like a pig for…what the hell is that dog doing on the table?
Practicing in the living room, Brooklyn says, “Let’s see that booty, Heaven.” Get used to that sentence, Heaven. She’s not a crazy mom at all, just proud of her daughter and all the work they do that goes into pageants. But you know we all need to worry.
Speaking of Daisy Duke!
Back with JuneBug, the entire family sits at the kitchen table (which is totally crowded by all the shelving from the coupon items they’ve purchased), and they begin cutting coupons for their shopping day. June tells her family they have to pay out $300 to do the pageant so they have to save that much while shopping. For things they don’t need. Or…you could stay home and NOT shop and there’s your $300.
Family game night has really started to suck.
Dad Mike “Sugar Bear” (?) says, “If I had to, I’d clip a million coupons for Alana.” Aww, that is actually really sweet of a dad to do that. Wonder if she’d clip a million coupons to send him to the dentist/orthodontist. That poor guy…I mean, come on, teeth health is really important! Why would you put your kid in pageants before making sure dad had teeth? Just bad form!
At the store, June says her coupon addiction gives her a rush. Okay – I’ve got it! How about a Toddlers & Tiaras/Intervention/Extreme Couponing show? That show would be like a circus on amphetamines! And we could let Tabatha Take Over just to add some spice.
You know, as June walks into the store, she really isn’t as large are her face may trick you into believing. It’s the bullfrog effect – they have those huge bubbled throat/chin things going, but their behinds are skinny as hell. It’s pretty disconcerting, to be honest.
Ribbit, for her pleasure.
June walks out of the store with $300 worth of stuff that they only paid 27 cents for…she calls it one of her best trips ever. How do I do something like that at the veterinarian’s? Because it would be nice to walk out of there under $300 for once (still cheaper than kids, though).
You know she’s just auditioning for Extreme Couponing. Or that 600-pound person show. Is there a difference?
Back in Onion City, they are practicing Heaven’s Pinocchio routine for outfit of choice. Because when I choose any outfit, I know I want it to be wood thatswhatshesaid. Her father is going to go onstage with her to be the puppetmaster (like Giuseppe?). Unfortunately, dad doesn’t know the routine and it doesn’t seem like he’s learning it too fast.
I bet a Duggar-sized family of raccoons lives under there.
Back in historic St. Mary’s, which is really pretty by the way, we see Laci in the official southern limo, an ATV. WITHOUT A SEATBELT. People, people, people…Darwin was a spot-on.
As we see Laci and her dad driving through a bunch of water and getting hosed while her mom drives the other ATV, she explains she has two sides (wait until she becomes a woman…we’re like cats with our many moods!)…her pageant girl side “where I do my money face” and there’s country girl. Where apparently she does itchy trigger finger.
Dad has taken the family to the “hunt club” where they have a setup for hunting deer among other things, like Union soldiers. Laci says today might be the first day she shoots her first deer. Well, my limited knowledge says that with the noise you made on your ATV and the fact it’s the middle of the day, probably not.
Alicia says that Laci has two dreams…to win a supreme at the Precious Moments pageant and one to kill her first deer. That seems somewhat limited and short-sighted, and yet at the same time achievable knowing what we know about her. Baby steps on the goals, American kids, baby steps.
What I also love is that when they go into their blind/tree house of death to set up the gun to shoot, there is a poster of a bikini-clad woman on a motorcycle right above where Laci looks out. Way to teach your daughter what is expected of her. Would it have killed you to put a bikini-clad woman holding a gun straddling a dead deer instead? Why do I have to think of everything?
Everyone needs goals.
After a while, when no deer walks directly in her line of site, they finally decide to call it a day and head home. The deer laugh and laugh and laugh and then get hit by an ATV.
“Well, you missed your shot today, but you’re going to kill it at the pageant,” Dad says. Kill who? Is that her talent routine, taking out the other girls with a gun? Talk about original! Well, maybe not these days.
Alana and her family are stopping by the school auditorium to practice for her pageant, which is actually a good idea – better than Xs in the living room. Unfortunately, things do not go as well as planned.
My entire life has been wasted. But the Twinkies sure weren’t.
June announces Alana as though it’s a pageant, but Alana gets a case of the shy and won’t come out from backstage. Dad gives her a gentle push and she stomps onstage with her arms flailing – not very elegant at all. Kids always seem to do this just when the parent needs them NOT to. June stands at the front of the stage and asks Alana to come to her, but Alana doesn’t. She must know mom may be hungry and looking for an adorable snack.
June has to be subtitled when she says that practice is sometimes difficult for Alana because she can have her own little mind. Yes, sometimes that happens with kids. Alana continues to act like a kid (the nerve!) and June grits her teeth and says, “STOP” except it comes out like, “STTPPPP.”
Still jerking around, Alana trips over herself somewhat on purpose, then looks at June. Alana interviews that she doesn’t like pageants because of the “practice and work.” Oh, she’s really not going to like being an adult, then.
“Step, step, turn…show belly,” June says. What? Isn’t this beauty walk? Why would you show belly? Alana doesn’t do it right. “Go back and show me your belly,” she says. That is sick and really setting Alana up for pole-dancing, that is for DAMN sure.
“They can judge on prettiest dress unless they can see the dress,” June says. As she’s coaching Alana she seriously slaps the fat on her front butt twice and says, “What did I tell you about that?” Ohhhh…she doesn’t really mean she needs to show her naked belly, she means face FRONT. Wow, I just got that. Maybe that’s why Alana is confused too?
And when I do this, I need you to steal second!
Suddenly June has a bat in her hands (where the hell did that come from?) and she tells Alana to go back. She’s better move quick! Then June gets onstage and says, “Let me show you how to do it,” and you can see Alana is getting close to crying.
Sometimes it’s just too much.
June struggles to get up the few stairs to the stage and then it happens. Alana puts her head in her hands and starts to cry. She wipes the tears from her face and it’s really sad – and you know I sure don’t like kids or kids who cry, but this just broke my heart, that poor kid. So much for that “diva” shirt she’s wearing.
Onions! Heaven says “Pageants make me feel pretty, smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!” She is going to choke on that gum someday. She practices at her coaches studio/gym and is pretty good and relatively focused for a little one. Brooklyn says the competition is going to be tough for Heaven because she’s moved up in age group for this pageant. Dun-dun-dunnnn!
My gum is like a little cloud in Heaven.
Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Oooh—out falls the gum onto the floor. Five second rule!
In her deadest voice and wearing her deadest face, Heaven says they are looking for personality. “I have personality,” she says. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! I am going to SMACK this kid!
Alana is still melting down as her mother drill-sergeant’s her until it’s just too much and she doesn’t practice well. They leave the auditorium as Alana continues to cry. June tells her to stop crying. She semi-runs to grab her and says, “You cannot walk out of her crying.” I bet she can!
“Dry it up, dry it up, or you ain’t walking out of here. Don’t look at the camera!” she says. June interviews, “Mom is the boss.” Finally! An adult in charge. Once Alana puts a smile on her face, they walk out.
Seriously, why did this woman’s body reject her neck?
Alicia tells us that Laci doesn’t like to have her eyebrows done very often. Why don’t these parents do this when the kids are sound asleep? All they do when they are awake is squirm and pretty much try to blind themselves. Laci screams and squirms and fights her mother. When they are done, she burps at her mother. “Rude!” her mother says. Stay klassy, Laci.
Alana tells us she likes to win big because, “I like to win….MOOOOONNNNNNEEEEEEYYYYY!” They are packing up the pageant totes and Alana says, “A dolla make me holla, honey boo-boo!” Someone behind the camera (production crew? Family?) cracks up. Because a little girl talking about getting a dolla to holla is hilarious and totally appropriate not at all.
June tells us the 49-year old breakdown is going to be one of the hottest competitions at the pageant. Wait, she said the 4 to 9 year old breakdown…for a split second, I thought SHE was competing and I thought I may have won the recap lottery.
June says there are pros out there who have been doing this since they popped out of their momma’s womb (it almost sounds like she says wound, but I watched and closed-captioned…and closed-captioning really cleaned it up and I couldn’t really tell, but it sounds like something June would say). “There are some nasty moms out for blood.”
And speaking of, “If someone came up to me and had an opinion to say about my child, I would nut (?) the hell up. I would get in your face and knock the shit out of you.” Duly noted. Also, why do they need a baseball bat at the pageant?
And can they not extreme coupon for some frames?
Pageant day in Swainsboro, Georgia! Pulling up in their truck are the seat belt-less June and husband and Alana sitting right in between them in the front seat without any kind of seat belt or booster. I’m going to assume they did it for this scene only and not all the way there, but who am I kidding?
For those of you who may be confused, this is not NASCAR.
Alana is getting her makeup done and she has both blue and pink eyeshadow on. “I like to win a lot of MOOOOONNNNNEY!” She says, crossing her arms and putting up two fingers. Why is June holding her baseball bat while Alana gets her hair and makeup done? She’s not using that like a cane or something, is she? Or is she just trying to threaten the other girls? Or the recapper?
Mommy, is that lady going to clobber me with her bat before eating me?
June admits they are the underdogs and that other people would say the same. Oh, man, this won’t be good for poor little Alana.
Heaven is having her hair-helmet attached and it looks like a honeycomb. Her energy is really low for some reason and Brooklyn is worried about getting her mood up.
But at least we’ve solved the bee colony collapse program…too much Aqua Net!
Brooklyn says she doesn’t let Heaven drink energy drinks because, “She ain’t but six,” and she thinks it’s bad for her health. So, kudos for knowing the health risks, but points off for “ain’t but.”
Speaking of “buts” does mine look fat?
Not afraid of energy drinks/doing the Dew is Alana and June. Alana is shotgunning a bottle of Mt. Dew (which apparently can dissolve a mouse carcass, although who figured this out should probably be seen by a shrink quickly) and smiling and turning around and around and around. June says people say she’s “doping up” her child but she says she’s not, it’s just that Pixie Stix don’t work. “We went through 15 bags at one pageant.”
Jackin’ it with Jesus juice is soooo much better.
Fifteen bags of Pixie Stix? IN ONE DAY? Wow, that’s a lot of tooth decay and tub-o-chub to be saddling your daughter with as she gets older. They just need the extra oomph at pageants and June says, “Whatever works for your child, use it!” Cattle prod, anyone?
Anywhere but here, God, anywhere.
Alana completely spazzing during her interview after saying her “special juice is going to help me wiiii-iiiin.” She pounds her chest and kind of looks crazed.
No gang signs, please.
For whatever reason, Laci has become menopausal at this pageant and is really on an energy low. She does not seem interested in this pageant at all and looks like she’s sitting on death row…literally. She’s in a chair, looking down and just sort of soulless.
And it goes without saying but I’ll say it…fly right!
Alicia is up in Laci’s face about messing up her hair and makeup and Laci really seems to not be into this whole pageant thing, which is sort of interesting. She interviews she was mad because she wanted to play and her mother wouldn’t let her. Is she new? There’s no playing in pageants!
Also, if you have some chaw, Heaven could really use it.
Alicia threatens to spank Laci (if she didn’t do it after the screaming fit, she sure as hell won’t do it now…idle threats don’t scare kids!). She asks Laci if she needs to go outside and have a talk. She asks her if she wants to go home and for a split second, I thought she was going to say yes. They stay.
What the shit is going on in Georgia with lack of neckage?
Beauty competition is first. With the babies, the emcee says, “Her favorite food is formula!” Because that baby has so much to choose from?
Alana and Heaven are sitting next to each other asking each other if they are nervous. They both look it, so they both say no. Heaven asks Alana who she thinks is going to win today and Alana says she is. “Are you lying?” Heaven asks. Yuuuup. Alana says no but Heaven says, “You are. I can tell by your face.” Heh. “I’m going to chew up the comp-uh-ti-tion,” Heaven says, smack! Smack! Smack!
The emcee continues with another girl. “Her goal is to do whatever God has planned for her,” she says. Just like Tim Tebow. But what if God plans that you get knocked up in the back of a truck and drop out of school only to have your baby daddy take off in an ATV with your skinnier sister? God can really screw with you sometimes, especially if you consistently make bad decisions.
Alana gets onstage and she’s really cute with her chubby cheeks fuchsia dress. Not cute?
June’s front-butt-arms. I thought dimples were supposed to be cute.
Alana is moving too fast across the stage and is not posing like she should be. June rubs her belly and says, “When I go like that she needs to show the tummy to the judges.” When June rubbed her belly, I seriously almost vomited, that is just too gross.
Alana says, “This is what I show the judges,” and she pulls up her shirt and grabs her belly like she’s making a mouth with her belly-button, and she keeps squeezing her chubby little belly and everyone off camera is cracking up.
Can’t you see her doing this in high school? For money? In the boys’ bathroom?
Back onstage, the emcee says, “Her future plan is to be a couponer like her mother.” Poor kid. She’s got a lot of energy onstage (how could she not?) but she really needs more polish. A coach would help, so I hope whatever coach they hire enjoys sitting in June’s kitchen with 55 gallon drums of creamed corn.
But let’s face it, adorable.
Heaven is next and she looks beautiful in her white and pink dress. She is really cute and pretty polished and I love that dress. At the end, she sort of gets dead face, but otherwise she was good. “You done good, I’m proud of you,” her dad says. Well…okay, I’m letting the grammar police go on this one because it’s nice that her dad said he’s proud of her. She will NOT be on the pole if he sticks around.
And of course, Alicia has lost Laci. Because what else do you do when you are at a pageant and there are a bunch of people running around! Alicia and her husband are running all over the place looking for her and I thought it got creepy when they went out to the parking lot. If you seriously didn’t watch your kid, it would be very easy for someone to grab the kid and take her out to the parking lot to a waiting car and whoosh, your kid is gone.
Just look for the van with no windows.
Alicia interviews, “I was scared that Laci was going to miss her stage time,” she says. I’m scared your child is being sodomized in the back of someone’s windowless van, but that’s just me. Alicia is in the auditorium standing still (so not looking for her) when she turns and says, “There she is.” Are you freakin’ kidding me with this? I mean, I’m not a kid person, but if I had one and she went missing at a pageant, I would be shitting my pants and screaming looking for her.
Instead, Grandma is holding Laci up saying, “I’ll do my part if you do yours.” What the hell is going on? “We’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Alicia says. Yeah, everywhere in my 2-square feet of standing space in the auditorium!
Worse than kidnapped, she doesn’t want to do the pageant.
Grandma gives us the scoop…turns out Laci wanted to speak to her Grandma “outside” and wanted Granny to talk to Alicia about “getting off of her case.” Uh, Laci is how old? Because it sounds like she hit her teen years about 20 minutes ago.
Alicia says she is not happy and Grandma tells Laci that her mother is scared, so she should give her a hug. Laci won’t. Mostly because she knows her mother is more scared that they are going to miss their beauty time than if Laci had been kidnapped. Also, doesn’t she have to get into her dress? GET MOVING!
Okay, Laci is in her beautiful red dress but when she gets onstage, she raises her eyebrows to the point where she looks like maybe she really has to pee and she’s just trying not to move too many muscles so she can hold it in…it’s a lot like Torrann’s wide-eye freakshow a couple of weeks ago.
Or she’s really surprised to be here.
Alicia says when Laci is onstage, a lot of things go through her mind. I’m betting most of them are flies. Laci continues to twitch like a robot, mostly in her shoulders. It’s weird. Alicia thinks Laci did very well and so does a judge they interview…uh, okay.
So, outfit of choice is next, and June shoves more go-go juice down Alana’s gullet. Alana says it makes her laugh-y and play-y and it also make her want to pull her mother’s hair. Do it, DO IT!
Alana says her go-go juice is kicking in right now and she starts to jump and twitch and get on her stomach and twirl around and around and around. She really is going to make some guy really happy someday. Then another, and another and another until closing time.
She is still twitching and rolling her stomach while her dad is trying to do something to her shorts, then he says, “Hold still or I’m gonna stick you.” I thought he meant get a stick and hit her (the bat!) but I know someone commented he was pinning something and didn’t want to stick her with the pin. I like my idea better, it’s more hilariously violent.
I’m scared! Run, Gasmii, run! It’s alive!
So…outfit of choice! Alana’s name is called and June screams at the lowest octave available to man, “WORK IT SMOOCHIE! THAT’S IT, BABY!” Yeesh. Alana does look adorable in her Daisy Duke costume and I’m guessing that will be her signature outfit at the club. “Shake your butt, baby!” Mom yells. But then Alana’s shorts look like they are about to fall off her ass and it’s not really cute anymore, it’s sort of icky.
Kind of a creepy screen capture, now that I look at the whole thing…
Heaven is ready to get onstage and dad is playing the puppet master. Heaven is supposed to get out of the puppet strings but somehow the Velcro from the strings got stuck and she had to extricate herself from it – that for not helping, DAD, oh, now he did. Then Heaven starts her little dance and her dad in all of his wisdom, goes backstage and totally forgets about her. And he is supposed to pick her up at the end and take her offstage. Instead, he’s backstage just yakking it up. Suddenly he remembers and says, “Oh shit!” and runs onstage and gets her. Phew!
Someone forgot to wind her up!
Here we go! Laci is doing Lady Gaga and they are doing not a meat dress, but a meat bikini, because there’s less to cover and what with those beef prices today… They got some very thin layers of beef – almost flank steak (mmmm, flaaaank steaaaak) to safety pin onto the bikini. Totally disgusting. Laci is freaking out because the meat is touching her legs and Alicia is worried it is going to ruin her tan. “The things we do for beauty,” Grandma says. This isn’t beautiful at all, lemonheads, it’s totally gross and btw, ALREADY DONE. Yeesh. Although David Perez is probably killing himself.
Do you really need to win that badly?
The steak bikini didn’t work so they put her in a completely different outfit. “It was completely devastating,” Alicia says. Laci screams, “MOM PLEASE CALM DOWN!” So they slap her in a platinum blonde wig and a blue spacesuit outfit and we go to commercial as Laci is late, late, late!
Finally Laci gets onstage in her little Total Package Glitz Coffin™ but her dad and the other guy just let the coffin go and walk offstage, and the coffin is round so it rolls and spills little Laci onto the stage. In sloooow motion. Alicia scolds her husband, “You were supposed to hold it, she just flipped out.” He shrugs. I’m with you, man, let’s go for some wings.
See ya, Meat Girl.
Luckily, tragedy is averted when Laci recoups and walks all over the stage…although, why the microphone if you really aren’t singing…she started to then stopped. Meh. Laci gets offstage and says she didn’t do a good job. Alicia says they are probably deducting points for being late. Laci hits her plastic microphone on the table over and over and over again. Yeah, this kid is going to have some issues if they continue with pageants.
This is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
CROWNING! Alana gets onstage looking like her Daisy Dukes are about to fall off her ass for sure now. I bet she totally has ass-crack going right now. Heaven is looking adorable and June says Heaven may beat Alana. Ya think?
Third runner up…Alana! Her whole family screams and applauds and it’s very cool considering she won one of the lowest awards we’ve ever seen handed out on this show. June interviews it’s such a jump up from the “participation award” she got last time.
That is one unhappy pappy…
Then June burps loudly. During her interview. And just stares at the camera.
The burp heard round the TLC world…and no “excuse me” in sight.
Alana says she feels sad because she didn’t get a big crown or trophy and she did show her belly to the judges. Okay, facing the judges is only half the battle. In an interview, she grabs her belly and says, “Look at this big belly” and she points at herself smiling. Just wait until you see the big belly that awaits you, Pixie Stix junkie.
“They don’t know a good thing when they see it,” she says, as everyone cracks up. This kid is totally hilarious but you can see her future as clearly as I can. Sad.
Laci’s group is up next…First Runner Up…not Laci! Queen…not Laci! “She done good!” Alicia says. Oh, English, how you must ache.
Awww…thank Heaven for little girls.
Overall Titles…there are 6 grand supremes…Grand Supreme, Mini-Supreme, Novice Supreme, Personality Supreme (Fat Girl Supreme), Precious Face Supreme and Beauty Supreme. Plus Extra Cheese Supreme.
Beauty Supreme…not our girls! Personality Supreme…Laci! Oh, burn! I can’t tell if Alicia is happy or not, because she says, “Go figure.” Then she says, “It wasn’t her day.” I don’t think she has a lot of good days, unfortunately.
And not sure mom will let her come home at the end of the pageant.
Mini-Supreme…Heaven! Mom and dad are happy and proud. They hope she can be Miss America. Alicia says they just didn’t have it together today which is why they lost. And Laci’s being a bit of a little cooch because she keeps holding her crown on her head then letting it drop without trying to catch it. Great sportsmanship…and next time, how about practicing and putting in a little effort, huh Personality Supreme?
“I didn’t win any cash and that’s why I was disappointed,” Laci interviews. “You gotta remind me of that, thanks,” she snots then sighs.
From a previous interview, Laci says, “I’m going to be Miss America, then Miss Universe, then I’ll be in charge of the whole hunting club,” she says. One of those is probably going to come true.
June is very good with Alana and tells her she did a great job and so much better than last time. Alana interviews she should have won the crown because she did the best. June says they’ll continue to do pageants until they “hang it up” then they’ll move on to something else.
Alana still has some go-go juice in her because she starts to “work that thing” and dance like she’s on Laugh In. “Peace!” she says. She’s hilarious.
Guess she mainlined that last bottle.
The one thing I will say, despite the obvious snark, these people all really loved their kids and weren’t overly crazy about pageants. Alicia should probably reconsider putting Laci in them – she doesn’t seem to like them all that much – but the other moms and daughters really had loving relationships and were more grounded than we’ve seen in…well, awhile. Ahem.
Icing on the cake is next week…guess who is back? NI-NI! That’s right, it’s a Mac attack, as in Mackenzie is back! And she tells someone to stop hugging her. We are sooo alike.
I’m officially yellow carding us on comment grammar patrol and snarking at each other. Disagreeing – fine; pulling a Mean Girls…let’s leave that for our family members during drunken holidays.
I know things have been crazy here the past couple of weeks…although I might slam on people for grammar when they are on TV (mostly because it’s hilarious when people double and triple negative!), I think we can give each other a break in the comments…most of us are reading while at work (heh heh!) so when we make a quick comment, let’s not worry about that misspelled word or missed apostrophe…and let’s keep the comments on the crazy reality show people and not on each other. This isn’t Yahoo comments after all (talk about meanies)! Let’s not let the loser pageant moms rile us up any more than necessary.
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