-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- itchy: Also, speaking personally, TVGasm has been HIGHLY DETRIMENTAL to my productivity. Fortunately I don’t have a...
- itchy: Well, if you people are willing to fly out here, then sure, beer’s on me. Although I gotta warn you, the...
- Chicken Lips: @RazzBeth – I saw something either here or...
- NatPatBen: I cannot go to the new site at my job. Here’s what it says: “This Websense category is filtered:...
- Dashley: Hey guys – if you’re still on this comment thread sobbing at your incredible loss, you’re...
- Derek Hazelton: @Flipit, FYI, the new site works at my job, but then again, I’m a low level unimportant employee...
- snowshoecat: Yay!!!!!!!!!!! Lookin’ gooooood! Will CommentTrash appear here and on the gasm site? Enquiring minds...
- Dani: @rae– O.M.G.!!! Give it a rest! I won’t repeat what others have already...
- Flipit: You’re not crazy, Claire! Some people are able to just click their pic, but for others it doesn’t show...
- Clair: I tried it (I’m on a computer) and while it took me to my profile page, I didn’t see any avatar option.
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
6:00 am
277 Comments
Wow. Just…wow. Well, the good news is, so far the reports to the “internet crimes division” by rabid pageant mom Candice has yet to catch up to TVGasm. The better news? Now we have a WHOLE recap in which to get the FBI up and running instead of just the one paragraph in a minicap (and a reasonably tame one at that) that spawned 200+ comments, mostly about Little Debbies and frozen Twinkies, and the sugar highs and alcoholic lows that Christmas seems to bring us all. Gasmii commenters are the best!
Now let’s get this party started! (P.S. Candice…this pageant violence is from CSI: Miami, so be sure to tell the feds about them, too).
This episode of Toddlers & Tiaras brings us the America’s Ultimate Beauty pageant and our good friend Pageant Director Tonya, who always is a good sport about the recaps. The pageant is being held in Nacogdoches, Texas, a city I could not have spelled worse than if I were Candice. And you know how I loves me some Texas!
Going along with last week’s theme of someone asking people if pageants are abusive (come on, production guys – it’s not the pageants that are abusive, it’s the parents!), Tonya says it’s easy for people to call them abusive. “You can see a girl go to gymnastics all day long…she doesn’t even get to eat. At least these kids get Pixie Stix,” she says, laughing, while we are shown footage of tons of pageant attendees phellating extra-long Stix of Pixie.
Yay for tooth decay!
Tonya kisses her finger and marks a one in the air. Heh.
Tonya…j’adore!
First up, in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, “Where Opportunity Lives,” we meet Crazy Candice and her brat daughter Alexes, 4. You may remember Candice from comments such as, “If you say another thing about my child I will report this to the feds since it’s a hate crime and violent behavior towards a child oh and since you guys are all stupid they can trace each and every one of you of internet use even though you are chicken to post your names” and “Or was you guys too stupid to notice 18 don’t come before 13 and 17?” Yes, because we’re the stupid ones.
Poster child for The Combat Illiteracy Campaign.
Candice escorts Alexes a.k.a. Damien III into her bedroom as Damien screams, “Leave me alone! Get away from me!” Candice says her daughter is a “beautiful, energetic pageant queen,” while we are treated to footage of Alexeseseses screaming, shoving her mother away, her mother trying to put her on a chair while she screams and yells and pushes away, then Candice says, “Sissy, do you want to go get a new Build-A-Bear?” Yes, please reward that.
Wanna get a restraining order too?
Candice interviews that Alexes has a lot of personality (while we see Alexes picking her nose) and that she likes to play and have fun (while we see Alexes screaming and running up the stairs). “Always in a great mood,” her mother finishes…talking about some other child we never see, I’m guessing.
And does this atrocity ever end with kids? Ick.
“Do you want to do your beauty walk?” Candice asks as Alexes tears out of the room screaming, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “You wanna go to the movies?” Candice asks, as she and her equally impotent husband chase after A FOUR YEAR OLD TRYING TO BRIBE HER TO BE GOOD. Excellent parenting, morons.
Yep.
“We have to negotiate with her…anything to make Alexes happy,” Candice says. Okay, first of all, you don’t NEGOTIATE with a four year old, you lay down the law so they become productive adults instead of whiney bitch-ass twenty-somethings who cannot hold down a job. Second of all, how’s that “making Alexes happy” working out for you? Because she seems like she’s Satan’s spawn and exceptionally unhappy. Or perhaps you forgot to slam her ADD/Xanax cocktail down her gullet before the production team showed up? Which one of these jerkoff parents do you want to be?
“Contestant number one, Alexes!” her mother says, pretending to be the emcee of a pageant. Alexes, in her little pink car, screams, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” while waving her hands wildly. Alexes interviews saying her name (she can barely say it) and then I think she says she’s one…followed by, “No, I’m four.” Even the production company didn’t caption it – probably because they can’t understand her either. Yeah, I’m thinking adding a speech therapist to the mental therapist this kid so clearly needs by the end of the episode.
Road rage! And do we really want this monster driving?
Now let’s get dad involved. Dad Leo says he thinks Alexes loves to perform onstage (hold that thought) and that she’s a natural at it. Please get a vasectomy to end this nonsense.
Bitch, I AM trying to get away from you!
Over in Holdenville, Oklahoma, we’re with our good friends Tricia and SamiJo, 2, who we met with the Fancy Faces Pageant with the awesome Mr. Todd. “Team SamiJo is very serious about pageants,” Tricia tells us. Why else would they have a team for her?
She asks SamiJo to show her “Pretty feet.” “Lemme see pretty feet. Pretty feet,” Tricia says, followed by, “You’re not crippled. You’re not crippled,” under her breath (the mic catches EVERYTHING), then, “Pretty feet!” followed by, “Don’t, you’re not crippled,” through gritted teeth. “PRETTY FEEET.” Well, someone is obviously crippled mentally if she’s still using crippled as a word OUT LOUD ON CAMERA ON (SEMI-) NATIONAL TV.
Isn’t she though?
Tricia reminds us of the horror of almost having named her daughter “America” so she would be “Miss America,” (which begs the questions where did “SamiJo” come from and is it really any better?). She says since we’ve last seen SamiJo, she’s been doing a lot of modeling including “runway shows,” as SamiJo doesn’t wake up for less than $10,000 in Pixie Stix a day. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but SamiJo seems to be wearing her American Wear dress and practicing in it while she’s on the counter…is that the same one that causes Waterfall SamiJo onstage? Or does she have two of these atrocities against fashion?
This looks safe.
“We have had to step it up, now that SamiJo is in the 2-3 division,” Tricia tells us. True, those kids are vicious at that age. Apparently glitz is so important at this age, moms often Bedazzle the skin of their kids just to make sure they have the whole package. Or I may have made that up. SamiJo tries to hit Tricia and Tricia immediately says, “Don’t you hit.” And I think she means it. See Candice? That is called discipline. Look into it.
Awesome!
Over in the Kansas City in Missouri, oh my God they have huge crowns just sitting in a park or something, the subject family really ought to consider checking into those ice dams coming off their second floor roof – according to this month’s This Old House magazine, those could cause damage both inside AND out. Potentially being killed by falling icicles are Annabella, 7, and mom Nicole.
Icicles = instant death.
Annabella is very polished – almost too polished and too smart with the comebacks to feel like she’s being totally herself. Seems like she’s picked up some witticisms from her mom, TV, the older girls at school – you name it – but it feels like she’s totally “on” all the time. The upside is that the kid practices and it pays off, she seems like an overall nice kid and she doesn’t whine, bitch or moan through this whole episode.
And she’s ready for her close up, Mr. De Mille
Nicole and Annabella seem to have a great time doing pageants, but Annabella is very taken with herself. She says she’s been in over 100 pageants and with all of her crowns and trophies, one room of the house is like the “Bella hall of fame.” Reel it in. “I always win the ultimates,” she says. REEL IT IN.
Annabella starts naming each crown and pageant then snots, “Ultimate…that’s ultimate too…” Look, I’m all about a healthy ego, but you are going to have some SERIOUS trouble in junior high and high school if you don’t REEL. IT. IN. She says the biggest prize she won was a car, which cool, but since she was too young to drive she just got the money for it. Which I’m sure was “re-invested” in pageants.
Cute, but knows it…bad combo.
“My competition really doesn’t bother me,” she says, “because I’m a professional. It’s all about me. I don’t worry about anybody else.” Yeah. I might consider taking her to a homeless shelter to volunteer so she can see why she might need to worry about other people. Not that I’ll be there, because I put my money towards dog rescues (dogs are less irritating than people), but same concept.
“Okay, time to leave now, bye,” she says to the camera crew, a little too coached, and even worse she immediately looks at her mom. She actually would probably be perfect for a show on ABCFamily.
Candice asks Alexes to bring her Xs in so they can practice her beauty walk. “NOOOOOOOOO!” she inexplicably screams AGAIN as she runs head-first out of the living room. Can you imagine living with this monster? Exhausting!
Yep, part deux.
“Alexes doesn’t like to practice her new routine, so my husband Leo and I work together to get her to practice,” Candice says, as she tells Alexes if she practices they can go to Chuck-E-Cheese. Yes, so she can learn to reward herself with food creating an eating disorder that will last a lifetime. Alexes says something completely incomprehensible and runs screaming up the stairs. I see how well that worked on her, Candice.
Yep, part trois.
“We’re going to go to Chuck-E-Cheese without you,” Candace sing-songs. Try to find a better kid to bring home while you are there. “We try anything to get her to practice,” Candace tells us for the hundredth time. “Sometimes we play with her money, putting more money in her pig.” Isn’t she the pig? Oink! Oink!
Dad shakes the little piggy full of money and Alexes comes flying down the stairs. She’s going to make a great stripper someday. They ask her to practice, she screams some more, then they ask her AGAIN if she wants to go to Chuck-E-Cheese and she says no, so they ask if she wants to “win” money and she says no, so they ask if she wants to go get a Build-a-Bear and finally I’m thinking, why not just pull her from pageants? If that doesn’t work, then maybe she really doesn’t give a shit about them like I think is totally the case!
Girl in the plastic bubble – pull the plug, quick!
Leo continues with the pussiness by saying the Build-A-Bears are their negotiating tool to get her to practice and to “do good” at pageants. So clearly the Grammar Fairy has hit the entire family. “And that’s probably why she has like 20 of them.” So I’m guessing the practice has paid off, has it? Because clearly the negotiating hasn’t. Guess we’ll have to wait and see. Also, can you imagine her as an adult in the workforce? Think of the first time she says she will only run those reports if her boss takes her to Build-A-Bear? Oh, who am I kidding, she’ll probably go to those same two upstairs Hollywood colleges where Candice got her “degrees.” No chance on valuable future employment for Alexes.
Which picture do I push for what?
Back with Annabella, who still thinks this is audition…she’s asking her mother if they can skip doing the hairpiece. Nicole says that Annabella’s had this sassy attitude all of her life. Wonder where she got that? Nicole grabs a hot roller out of her hand and Annabella says, “Did you just snatch that right out of my hands? Oh, no, that ain’t gonna work, sweet cheeks.” Um, okay. Yeah, I like a little sass with kids, but that is kind of beyond what a 7 year old should be saying to an adult. Hope she doesn’t say things like that at school.
“Bella’s got a little swagger about her, “Dad Kris tells us, adding that she has picked up some of her mother’s “spunky personality.” Okay, I’m calling it here. Nicole got pregnant, Kris did the right thing by marrying her and now she keeps his balls in one of her makeup bags for the pageant. Just a huuuunch.
“I see you’re going to be having a knuckle sandwich for lunch today,” Nicole says to Bella, who answers, “I see that you’re going to be having one too.” Yeesh. We weren’t allowed to say shut up to one another growing up. Of course, now we do, often and at the dinner table during holidays.
Eh, knuckle sandwiches rock!
Nicole says a lot of people say she coaches Annabelle but she doesn’t. Coaching/Raising…same dif, isn’t it? “I look like ya, I talk like ya and I’m feisty like ya. We’re twins!” Annabella says to her mom. Nicole laughs. Well, I will take this kid over the Omen IV that is plaguing Candice and Leo, that’s for damn sure.
OMG, you really live in a fantasy world, don’t you Tricia?
Back with Tricia, she tells us things have changed since the last time we saw her. “I had to have a breast augmentation.” Yeah, I need one of those plus a bank account and Clooney augmentation, but you don’t see that happening, do you? And why did this “have to happen”?
Tricia tells us that one boob is larger than the other. Well, okay, if that is true and it is noticeable, I get that someone might want to do that. However, Tricia decided to compete in the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant. We see home videos of her saying that she doesn’t like the natural look, she wants them to look fake and be pointing straight ahead, “Like this,” she says, pointing with her fingers. “I want them up high and pointing like this!” What she really needed was “something to hold up” her gown. Bitch, your family farms turtles for a living. Is it really that lucrative that you could blow money on something to hold up a gown? Man, how come I can’t come up with some Ponzi scheme to screw people like this out of their money? It would be sooo easy.
Is this T & T or T & A? And the right one looks bigger.
The footage of the pageant shows that Tricia looked great (who wouldn’t with paid-for boobs?) and although she had fun, she didn’t place. Oh, no ultimate supremes and their minions at the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant? Too bad, they could make a fortune from some of these pageant moms.
Mission…accomplished. Except for winning the crown.
Then the truth comes out. Tricia says her ultimate goal is to try out for a lingerie football league. We all gotta dream, right? What this shit is wrong with this woman? I bet her husband is torn – he doesn’t want his wife running around as a tight end in garters and yet, it’s hot to see women crushing each other on the football field. Wouldn’t it just be cheaper and less potentially injuring to get Skinemax?
Tricia says participating in a pageant gave her a lot of “pageant knowledge and respect for what SamiJo enjoys.” SamiJo is 2. She enjoys pooping in her diapers, picking her nose and eating it, and drooling while new teeth come in. I doubt she has the cognitive ability to think past her fingers.
SamiJo picks up one of her pictures that looks like a Tracy Chapman album cover shot by Dorothea Lange. She doesn’t like it. “Because you look chubby?” Tricia asks. She’s two. That’s her job. But way to cripple her with body issues early.
This has been so overdone. It’s just not fresh anymore, mommy.
Back with AnnaBella, she continues to be precocious as she invites us into her room, “Or as I like to call it, The Bella Suite.” They are probably going to call it that when you go to Vegas, too. She tells us she has the whole floor…well SO WHAT, I have the WHOLE HOUSE. I mean, I have to pay the mortgage and utilities and I share it with 5 dogs, but you get my point. It’s mine, you know, once I pay it off.
So AnnaBella goes through her morning routine about how she sits at her vanity, “To pull myself together in the morning…oh look, there’s three of me.” Mom asks, “What could be better?” Uh, just one of her. She’s a lot and it’s like candy…the first one is good then the following ones start to lose their utility until finally you are overstuffed and sick. More is not necessarily better.
These are a few of my favorite things…me, myself and I.
Bella has two closets, the fab and drab sides…boring day clothes (drab) and pageant clothes (fab). Don’t we all? She models one of her dresses and puts her flipper in. “I love when everybody looks at me,” she says, then into the mirror she tells herself she looks so pretty. “You go girl.” Yeah, she’s going to go either way – either become an egomaniacal beyotch with no friends and no understanding of why, or she might actually be okay. I’m giving it 60/40 for the ego.
Back with Tricia – and by the way, I love all the dead animal pelts all over the house. Look, I get that people hunt, Crabby Daddy goes deer hunting and so from a logical perspective I get it but damn, poor Bambi! Of course, ask me if I worry about the cow when I’m eating a good steak, so that’s pretty hypocritical. But it’s hilarious to see like raccoon skin just draped over the dining room chair. Only 7 more to go before you have a full set!
How many animals died for that dining room?
Dad Sam asks how much Tricia spends on the pageants. Well, take the amount of money you make from the turtle farm, subtract living expenses, then check your bank balance against what SHOULD be in there and that’s your pageant fee.
Tricia gets coy and says she doesn’t know but her pageant was WAY more than SamiJo’s. Yeah, the boob job probably pushed the cost through the roof. Tricia interviews that her husband hasn’t really known the cost of the pageants, and “That’s probably why he hasn’t cut us off yet,” she says. Does that tell you anything, Tricia? Like maybe he does deserve to know what you are spending on this nonsense?
She tells Sam (ah, part of SamiJo?) that her pageant fees are twice what SamiJo’s are and dad counters with she has to get a new dress for SamiJo each time. She argues that isn’t really true, then interviews that they’ve spent about $3000 for this pageant and perhaps more as they get closer.
Woman, are you shitting me?
Sam, being the sane one in the family, says he thinks pageants are a waste of money. Bet he enjoys those new boobs, though!
Tricia tells him that since they’ve started pageants and including her pageant, they’ve spent maybe $30,000. Okay, they’ve spent $3000 on this pageant alone, and they’ve done more than 10 pageants with SamiJo PLUS Tricia’s pageant. Sam ain’t buying it.
“Your pageant was $12,000,” he says and she says it didn’t but he reminds her of the “boob job.” Heh. I knew that would come back to smack you in both of your eyes. He estimates they have spent $100,000. Hooooly shit. That’s a college education. That’s retirement money. That’s a good chunk of money towards a house. What the hell? He interviews that his gut hurt when he found out how expensive these were. “It really irritates me,” he says. He recommends doing two a year. Tricia no likey and he gives in and says, “You get whatever you want anyway.” Spoken like a husband, what can you do?
Back with The Bad Seed, Candice is “asking” Alexes to go get her haircut – and oh, by the way, it is totally light out so clearly it was a lie when she commented they got her haircut at 10pm. She’s getting her haircut AT HOME in the bathroom AND YOU CAN SEE THE LIGHT COMING INTO THE BATHROOM FROM OUTSIDE.
Because Alexes is such a little beyotch, two people have to tag-team her haircut, Justin and Crytal. Those poor people better be getting a Christmas bonus, especially since they have firsthand knowledge of her scalp condition.
Damien’s scalp or Alexes’? You be the judge. Also, I find it hilarious when you type in “Mark of the beast on damien’s scalp” you also get pictures of recent presidents, soccer players and Jell-O dishes. Hmm.
So Alexes immediately starts screaming “NOOOOOOOOOO!” and waving her arms around like she does every time she’s on camera. Dad holds her tight and she elbows him in the chest. Crystal says Alexes is tired so she’s acting like a diva. No, she’s acting like a full-on brat. She keeps screaming no (because her vocabulary is just that developed) and she keeps pulling off the haircutting smock. “You’re not being very niiiice,” Candice says. You know what would be nice? A swift kick to her ass. Let me get my boots.
Or simply choose from my mother’s repertoire of discipline.
Justin winces as Rosemary’s Baby keeps whining and ripping off the smock, then Candice asks if she wants a piece of chicken. So they give her chicken, which is sooo sanitary when having your haircut, and Candice says, “Sissy, look in the mirror at how pretty you look.” Yes, because your ugly is on the inside. She motions with her hand and screams, “Get away!” I guess to the production crew. Honey, if they weren’t getting paid, they sure as shit would not be there. Crystal calls her a little princess. One we are seeing next Tuesday.
It’s like her dad’s arms are holy water.
Candice says, “Can you tell them thank you for coming out here to do your hair?” Is she shitting us? So what does the not-so-functionally literate minion say? Say it with me, readers: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Awesome. Where, WHERE do I sign up for this shit?
Justin, knowing he will never be coming back here unless under threat, says, “You’re welcome.” I think the “You. Little. BITCH.” Is implied. Or being said by him in the car on the way home.
Broken Arrow’s hottest new club is BIIIIIIIIITCH.
AnnaBella wants to practice her Elvis routine. She has a big Elvis box that she uses and she’s really good. Kid loves to practice and she’s pretty funny. You know what else? She’s not a raging bitch, Candice. Damn, she even has the voice down. Heh.
This is very different from Tricia’s nipple fingers.
SamiJo is at the salon getting a gloss treatment for the few wisps of hair she does have. Unlike the Satan of Broken Arrow, SamiJo is pretty good. She whines a little because the gloss is wet and cold and Tricia and the stylist both comfort her.
“SamiJo’s favorite word is ‘No,’” Tricia says. If you only knew what was going on at Candice’s house! They try to put one of those plastic caps on her head and she’ll have none of it. I get it; you don’t want to look like an old lady at the beauty shop, do you? She pouts but it’s hilarious because she’s QUIET about it. Tricia tells us there is “SamiJo time” and she won’t do things until she’s good and ready. I am totally in touch with that. They rinse out her hair and she whines more, but those sinks hurt your neck, period. She drops her sucker on the floor, picks it up and puts it in her mouth. Nice and sanitary once again.
I’m not 80, get that off of me!
Pageant Day! This should be LOADS of fun!
And it starts off with a bang, apparently.
Frosted-tipped emcee is back and ready to go. Tonya tells us that “anything goes” during the American Wear, then we see one little kid sporting a Native American costume. Awwwkward for those of us familiar with the whole blanket/smallpox situation.
Schweeet! The power and glory of rhinestones!
Tonya says kids will be wearing red, white and blue, dressed as military personnel (don’t ask, don’t tell for the boy contestants!) and “the best that America has to offer.” Oy, Tonya, are you sure about that last part? Although I’m loving those earrings – nice glitz touch! Also, those crowns with the red stars…where do I pick up one of those? And did you get one with horns just in case Damien Alexes Omen wins?
Tonya has to go through the rigmarole of telling us about each of the girls…she says SamiJo is a top glitz competitor and says, “There’s nothing she wouldn’t try to get her daughter ultimate grand supreme,” which makes me snicker the way bitchy women snicker about other women right before we make some snide comment about kneepads and cold sores.
Tonya continues saying Alexes is new to the pageant world, which is code for “I heard this kid is a horrible brat and if you can’t say something nice about someone, it’s time to move on to competitor number three.”
AnnaBella shows up in an SUV followed by U-Haul trailer, I’m assuming for her ego. Or hot rollers. It’s a toss up.
Canice tells Alexes, “Let’s roll your hair,” to which Alexes replies…OMG, seriously, get some new words for the negative. How about “Nein!” That seems like it might suit her better.
Why didn’t I wear a condom, WHY GOD?
“Alexes started off really cranky,” Canice says. How can you tell? “Leave me ALONE!” she screams. Jesus, what a f#cking brat this kid is! I mean how do you live with this? She screams at the top of her lungs and duct tape seems to be the one thing they forgot to bring.
“Alexes is kinda stressing me out,” Candice says. Well join the club! As she’s trying to get Alexes ready for the pageant, she says, “This is fuuun.” “NOOOO this is NOT FUN!” Alexes whines. Quality time. She whines and cries and is completely incomprehensible because well, that’s who she is. Kindergarten is going to be a joy. I bet every teacher in the district has a resume out to avoid “negotiating” with this kid.
Are you sure it’s not fun?
Makeup artist/hair stylist Jamie from previous shows is working on both the ‘tard (Alexes) and the non-cripple (SamiJo) today. Lucky lady. Could you not find work gutting fish? At least they are quiet. Alexes – I know, this will shock you – WHINES through the whole things. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this kid? I’ll check WebMd and see what they say.
Jamie holds the can of hairspray like a baseball bat and pretends to hit Alexes. Why pretend? And why not use a real bat? Let me see if I can find you one…
And I will be your alibi.
Candice blames Alexes being stressed out because she herself is stressed. Maybe you are ovulating and the thought of bringing another Devil’s spawn into the world is what is so disturbing to you. I’d highly recommend staying away from the Red Bull today.
Jamie tells her she can see her eyes tearing up. It’s probably because her eardrums have started to bleed from all the noise her spawn is making.
With SamiJo, things are going a little better. Tricia tells us that SamiJo is not a morning person – I hear that – but she keeps her whining to a minimum.
Geeettttt ouuuuuut.
SamiJo’s godmother, the unfortunately spelled “Whitnei” is there to provide moral support. She says SamiJo was unusually cranky today. Compared to Alexes, this kid is GOLDEN.
Is this supposed to calm her down? Because really, it’s kind of scary.
AnnaBella is ON and she says she’s pretty happy. Dad Kris calls her “fierce” and a tough competitor that none of the other girls want to compete against (do I need to add “bitch” here since I’m ending in a preposition?). “It’s like going up against the 1990 Cowboys,” he says, knowing most of us are going to have to take him at his word.
Kris is very picky on AnnaBella’s hair and makeup and wants her to be perfect. Has he met David Perez? Maybe they could swap pointers.
And holy shit, who brought the neighborhood bully? Put her on Alexes watch.
Beauty competition is first and Tonya says they are looking for a “facially gifted” child. Too bad they aren’t looking for a “negative Nelly,” Alexes would sweep the awards. She would probably also get “spacially gifted” if that were a category, seeing how she’s all over the place like a squid on meth.
One pageant judge says she’s looking for someone she can just “take home and put on the shelf.” Add the phrase, “In my basement” and you have just echoed the sentiments of every pedophile watching this show.
Please, get the damn paparazzi out of here NOW!
Still getting ready is SamiJo and her beauty dress has just arrived – they had to get a new one at the beginning of the week (great planning, I’m sure that was cheap). Unfortunately, one of the shoulders was not sewn correctly, so in their infinite wisdom, they just tear it off instead of trim it with scissors or pin it. It looks unfinished. Oh, and way to wait until the last minute to order the dress and then try it on. Duh!
OMG, is that Gwyneth’s head in a box again? This episode just keeps on giving!
SamiJo is up first and Whitnei takes her onstage. She’s a cute kid, very pretty eyes, and she works it onstage.
Seriously…cute!
She does a pretty good job for a two year old and Tricia is thrilled. Rut-roh, one of the judges notices that her dress was “broken” in the back… “It wasn’t quite right.” Catastrophe!
Luckily, this guy is available for birthday parties, weddings and sperm donations.
Alexes is in the pageant room screaming “no” per her usual agreement with what little IQ she clearly has and Candice says, “You’re fixin’ to go onstage.” Like that’s going to shut her up. Candice says she doesn’t know how it’s going to go and it’s making her nervous. Really? You really don’t know how this is going to go? Because I think she’s going to suuuuuck it bigtime.
Of course, they have to “negotiate/bribe” their little monster, so they offer to buy her a stuffed toy dog if she does “really good onstage,” grammar be damned. You know even if she sucks, they’re going to buy it for her. Pussssieeeeess.
Candice and Leo ask her to do pretty feet and hands and instead she stomps her foot like Mr. Ed. “Do you want that puppy?” they ask. Please don’t ever get her a real one; you’ll have tons of vet bills. Call it a hunch. And animal abuse. Also, you should probably hide any matches in your house.
Alexes is up next and she walks onstage slumped over, then looks confused like she has no idea where she is. She stumbles forward, then squats like she needs to pee. She stomps her feet and something is really off with that kid, like SERIOUSLY. It’s not ADD but more like she cannot focus and not because she needs glasses. It’s weird. Candice runs to the back of the room to get the puppy and she shakes it like a maraca to get Alexes’ attention. Kid looks like a zombie. Money well spent. Let’s go to the tape:
Ahhhh…derrrr…where am I?
Crapping onstage…a typical rookie mistake. If you are 1.
Mr. Ed would be proud.
And now we know where she gets her “NOOOOOOOO!” vocabulary.
Walking back to their room, Alexes asks for her puppy and Candice says she didn’t do her routine, so no puppy. Wow, way to grow a pair, Candice. I have no doubt you’ll be Lance Armstrong-ing it by the end of the show.
Next up is AnnaBella and she’s ready to go. She and Nicole do some sort of gang handshake and it’s clear they really love doing these pageants.
AnnaBella looks great and does everything right. Also, her favorite foods are mac and cheese and corn. She needs to stop by here for dinner sometime. And her dream is to be a star on Days of Our Lives – ha! She says she knows she did fabulous onstage. A little humility, please. “The judges liked me,” she whispers to her mother.” Judges call her flawless.
Hand her the crown and let’s go for tequila and nachos with Tonya.
American Wear is up next. Tricia tells us SamiJo’s dress is old-school with hoops, lots of stars and stripes, then she says they’ve never tried it on before, which is NOT true – I even rewound the DVR to see if that was the dress she was practicing in and she was. So I’m going to call BULLSHIT on that excuse considering the hot mess of epic proportions that is about to happen.
Whitnei takes SamiJo onstage and she starts running around then manages to trip on the front of her dress which is hanging down a couple of inches too much – plus with the hoop, it swishes around to make it nothing but an obstacle. Whitnei picks her up. Then she walks forward to the next X and she trips AGAIN. Then she goes back to the last X and trips a THIRD time! Running off the stage, she trips a FOURTH TIME and Tricia has to be bleeped out a couple of times.
And a one, and a two, and a three, and a four…pull her off the stage already!
She hopes the judges don’t count against her for that. Hope is not a strategy, Tricia.
Way to be mature about the hoop, like it’s completely to blame.
“For American Wear, she’s going to be performing Sandy in Grease,” Candice tells us, completely contradicting her erratic, grammar-killing comment she left the other day when she said Sandy was for Outfit of Choice. Seriously, Candice, maybe the therapist can give you and Alexes a group rate. Take Leo for good measure. Or just for wearing the T-Birds jacket.
In the pageant room, Candice says, “Do you want to get that puppy? Then focus.” Good luck with that! Candice says Alexes was wild with her beauty walk so she’s “not sure” how it’s going to go today. It’s going to suck, that’s how it’s going to go. Are you not paying attention?
And this is one of the best scenes I have ever seen in T&T history, I swear to God. Alexes has the zombie dead-eye thing going on, then on the side of the “Shake Shack” prop there is one of those optical illusion spinning wheels that suddenly becomes Alexes’ Quicker-Tripper-Upper™. She spins it and stares at it, then spins and stares and spins and stares and spins and stares and spins and stares. People laugh and Candice looks like she’s going to vomit.
Completely hypnotized, Alexes no longer feels the need to smoke or overeat. Also? Weeeeeee!
Candice completely justifies this f#ck up by saying this routine was like nobody else’s (probably because THEY practiced) and she said people must have loved it because they were laughing. Oh, honey, they were laughing AT you, not WITH you. Big dif.
And I’m in complete denial of what a colossal twat my daughter really is.
“Good job!” Candice says, then interviews that Alexes did get the puppy because, “I feel like she earned it? [Why are you making that a question?] Even though she didn’t do the routine she was supposed to do.” So she was rewarded for incorrect behavior. Totally brill, Candice. What a great human being you are raising.
And she looks completely strung out, so extra good job.
Let’s get to someone GOOD, AnnaBella, who gets up and does a great Elvis routine. Ego or no, kid knows her routine. And you don’t see her sitting and spinning. At the end of the routine, she says, “Elvis has left the building.” Yeah, I think he did after Alexes’ shit-can performance.
Seriously, crown her and pass me a drink.
Crowning! Tricia is freaking out because SamiJo channeled me when I had vertigo and went headfirst into everything. Luckily, I didn’t do it onstage. Tricia isn’t sure how this is going to affect SamiJo. I will say badly unless you paid for another category for her to win. So I’m sure she’s going to win.
As an aside, I totally love this shirt for some reason…but I could never pull it off because of my hatred for leggings.
First up, the 2-3 year olds, and Candice has the balls to say she’s not sure what Alexes will win, but it will be something big. Like 4-10 at the state penitentiary? Oh shit, SamiJo’s in that group. Fight! Fight!
Divisional Queen…not our girls, which means they each pulled for a higher title. Are you shitting me? How did Alexes make it further? Unless there is a pity award. Tonya, any chance you can put the tally sheets online somewhere? Ah, that might ruin you as a pageant director and we need your comments here. Nevermind (just send them the TVGasm staff).
Chew on this sedative gum. That might shut you up. Finally.
Next is AnnaBella’s group…Divisional Queen…not AnnaBella! Man, they are just moving this along.
Supreme titles next. Candice is freaking out and they’ve told her if she wins they will get her a surprise or chocolate. If she gets a supreme, they’re going to need to get me a drink.
Overall American Wear…Alexes! Are you kidding me? Man, those judges really don’t know what the shit they are doing. Candice says she agrees with the judges however since she’s “my child, I think she’s perfect.” A perfect little demon. Was anyone else shocked she got this? Did the other kids suck that badly?
In the words of Alexes….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Now someone needs to get ME a Build-A-Bullshit Bear.
Novice Supreme…not our girls…Tricia is thrilled…Beauty Photo Supreme…SamiJo! Because at least she was upright in the photo. Also, is this really a win when you pay for the extra supreme wins and the photos are Photoshopped beyond all recognition? Tricia says it means her child is really above all the others and they especially like the photo win because of all of her modeling. Whatever justifies the spend.
Best award money could buy you!
Grand supreme…not AnnaBella, which means the ultimate grand supreme with pineapple and Canadian ham goes to…AnnaBella! Well, she definitely earned it if for no other reason than she stayed vertical and didn’t get hypnotized! She is thrilled and her family is so happy for her. Nicole says she just wants AnnaBella “not to be a brat.” She’s not. And I hope Candice heard that.
Now we can go drink – on AnnaBella since she won the big bucks!
Tricia says they are going to keep SamiJo modeling but she and Whitnei are trying out for the lingerie football league in the Spring. Where’s the recap on that show? Somebody get on that!
And maybe Candice was right, the production company DOESN’T let anyone eat.
Alexes, on the other hand, is leaning forward and making loud “aaaaahhhhh” noises that make it clear that this kid isn’t right. I’m not a medical doctor, nor do I play one on TVGasm, but I’m willing to bet the Mayo Clinic has some answers about Alexes.
I am Sam 3: Tarded-er!
“Alexes is excited about doing pageants and she can’t wait to do another one,” Candice says as we see footage of Alexes trying to wiggle out of her dad’s arms yelling, “Let me go!” Yeah, kid’s got a real passion for pageants, that’s for sure not at all.
“We will be going for total glitz from now on,” Candice says, completely oblivious to the fact that her daughter hates pageants.
“I’m a bat!” Alexes says. “Squeak! Squeak!” Yeah, she’s got a grip on reality.
Well, it certainly felt like you sucked the life from all of us!
“Time to get my party on and go spend all this money,” AnnaBella says with the $410 she won. “I’m gonna buy a flat-screen with it.” Be sure to watch T&T when you get it.
Alexes and Candice, if I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again with this motivational poster.
Next week? Toddler vs. toddler. Hope there’s nose-picking and blood, not in that order, though.
Enjoy last week’s full recap of Chooky Moves or this past week’s minicap of Cand-ass nonsense in comments – especially fun if you are an English teacher. To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!
TV Social
-
277 Comments
Sammy-Jo’s mom is competing in pageants? Oh, please! Save yourself some money and knock it off. You didn’t place. Your time has come and gone, girl. You will never “place.” The only time you will “place” is in your own mind when you stand in the mirror staring at you boobs.
These people kill me!
DearCrabby, you are a maestro, and besides J-Mo, my very most favorite recapper in the yole yide yorld (Sven Hoek). I LOVE T&T and watch it with the same grimace I save for anything awful and embarrassing to me as an American.
Dear World: We’re not all like this here. We are not all preparing our offspring for eating disorders, megalomania, addiction to the fame virus, or what can simply be called, “the pole”. And by “we” I mean people who have kids. I don’t. Like DearCrabby, I wisely have chosen animals. The only thing I’m preparing my dog and cat for are meat in their bowls, brushings for their coats, and playtime for their spirits. Oh and lest some pageant hick tries to denigrate me–I have two degrees, make over $90K, and do hard-core Pilates once a week (and walk a large dog every day). So, no, I’m not unemployed, uneducated, or fat.
Happy New Year Gasmii!
Bravo Dear Crabby, well played indeed!! Add me to the animals instead of kids club. So much to say, I have to ponder for a little bit!
You know, with all the two-college degree types we’ve apparently got here at TVGasm (personally I only have one degree, but it’s a really good one), you’d think the site would score a bit higher on Google’s literacy ratings.
Alexes actually served a useful purpose for me. I’m thinking of emailing Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk and suggesting that some of the ghosts in their NEW horror house should be a child like Alexes who drove her bribing, illiterate pageant mom to strangle her bratty, “diva” kid with a grand supreme sash then off herself by taking two sceptors and forcefully driving the handle end of them up her nostrils and into her brain against a marble countertop, ala the urban legend about the kid who killed himself by doing the same with pencils. And the kid playing that role of COURSE would not be Miss Alexes…oh no. That honor would go to Cassidy Blair, or as she would say it “Cassidy Blai-uhw.”
I really wanted to like Annabella, but I think I wound up liking her LESS than Alexes. At least with Alexes you knew she was acting up because her parents were forcing her into something she hated. Annabella was in something she loved and was INSUFFERABLE! Did anybody else just want to smack her by the end of it?
Speaking for the first representative of the “kids but sadly no animals due to allergies” club, I am college-educated and I currently teach two of my own children. And I have ZERO desire to put my children in pageants, especially after watching these train wrecks. And I think having children is a very serious matter and people who choose animals over kids make a wise decision for their particular life. It’s up to the individual to make that decision and not family, friends or the anonymous public who gather here to make comments. And if I hear one more of these moms say “I had kids so I could enter them in pageants.” I think I’m going to hunt them down and shoot them. What a crappy reason to put some kid through 18 years of your stupidity!
@itchy. It would if the pageant moms didn’t show up.
I threaten my daughter with pageants using T&T videos to back myself up; she’s horrified by the idea of being spackled with thirty pounds of makeup and shoved onstage in a dress that looks like it should be covering a roll of toilet paper in her great-grandma’s bathroom. “Don’t MAKE ME go buy a cupcake dress!” was uttered many times in the weeks leading up to Christmas…until this episode. Thank you Alexes, thank you for inspiring my daughter to new heights of good behavior!
I’m still waiting to see the show, so this recap is the first glance I have had at all the members of Team Alexes. And, even though I know it is wrong, wrong, wrong to judge people based on appearance, neither of the adults in this family looks like college material to me, or really anything other than GED material.
@Crabby – WELL PLAYED! Outstanding job – I bow to your recapping superiority.
@Saffie – brilliant idea. I hope Ryan offers you royalties!
Now my OTHER two cents – I am a retired school teacher with 16 years experience. The last school wherein I taught was a private school that attracted a lot of autism spectrum children because it was considered a “safe” environment. Therefore, I have a LOT of experience with autism in all its forms – even more than a certain mother with a “medical degress.” Alexes’ aversion to physical touch, hypersensitivity to stimulation, along with her total lack of response to social cues are ALL red flags. Of course, everything is exacerbated by her parents’ ineptitude at raising a rabbit – much less a child.
PS Candes in re: “I pray to God you don’t have children and never do as your outrageous twisted sick behavior is the worse thing I have eve seen” – my two sons – the stockbroker and the National champion Taekwondo participant/instructor, and my daughter the art historian all say “hello.”
Great recap! First, there is SOMETHING wrong with Alexes. My mom watched this episode with me and as a retired pediatric nurse with 35+ years experience, even she said there is something wrong with that child and she needs to be seen by a specialist. You know Candice, someone with REAL medical degrees from REAL universities that have buildings and classrooms, and professors.
SamiJo’s American wear dress looked like Betsy Ross puked all over it, drank a jar of moonshine, and puked on it again.
AnnaBella is good, polished, the whole package, and if someone doesn’t teach her respect, manners, and humility, she’s going to have a rude awakening in a few short years. By the end of the episode, I wanted to become a middle school mean girl and make her cry.
My captcha is T4RD, yep even captcha agrees Alexes is a ‘tard.
Damn! This is absolutely AWESOME!! My first day back at work after the holidays and this wonderful recap will get me through the nonsense of the office!! Thank you Dear Crabby!!
Now we can all sit back and smirk….waiting for another poorly written mess of a response from Candice! I am so excited!!
@ caligal…”I wanted to become a middle school mean girl and make her cry.” Hahahahaha!!!
This is a PERFECT recap. I had forgotten the scene with Alexes mesmerized by the spinning wheel of misfortune. Awesome.
Please, Candice, come back. You were better than any of the Christmas presents I received…even the crate of Little Debbies.
“A squid on meth.” Perfect Dear Crabby, you’ve done it again. I just have to think of your recaps and I giggle my jolly self into a semi-seizure.
I’m also in the animals, no kids club. That clearly qualifies me to judge other people’s parenting skills. Really though, do you need to be a parent to know that something’s just not right with little Polly? or Alexless? Oh and my dog is the cutest in the land. Well behaved too.
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever watched a whole episode of T&T and I’m thinking maybe I need to drink some moonshine to make it palatable. But I just love your recaps, Dear Crabby, and look forward to them each week. Thanks for giving me a good laugh today!
So according to her mom Alexass was told by producers to behave that way. Since no one else including her parents seemed to be able to get her to do ANYTHING!! Those producers must be magical to have her act like such a beast for the entire episode!!! Plus not letting her sleep or eat. Inspired!
Oh dear candice please come back I think you poor innocent baby needs defending!
I was worried if this would be a *wah wah* after the awesomeness of the mini-racap. But, DearCrabby, you kicked it up a notch with the inclusion of Candyass’ comments in the recap. I was laughing so hard!
Though I do have to correct you on one thing. With Samijo’s American dress, it wasn’t the dress that hadn’t been worn before. It was the hoop. That is what was tripping her. Though, as I mentioned before, that is the mother’s fault. You NEVER wear something on stage for the first time.
And here is something I don’t understand. If there was all of this great footage of Alexes and the producers made her act like a brat, then why haven’t we ever heard of this before? In all of the episodes, even bratty kids are shown practicing. And even with blame put on editing, not one mother has said that the producers made her kid throw a tantrum and even showed her how to do it. Because, you know, a 3 year old would never know how to throw a tantrum, right? So why is Alexes soooo special? All I know is that if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and looks like a duck… it is a duck. Or, in this case, a bratty child with parents who can’t discipline her. And the parental thing is key. She is the child they have raised. The blame is 100% on them.
Thanks for a great recap!
I may have had to poke the bear a little
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Candice seems to have an almost religious belief that her child is perfect and can do no wrong. If you claim that her child is misbehaved, then you are jealous. If you say the child needs correction, then you are uneducated. If you have any opinion of her child other than she is the most beautiful, precious creature who has ever lived, then you are a sicko molester and need to be locked up. Actually, I have run across plenty of mothers who fit that description, come to think of it, but the pageant world seems to have more than its share.
I think it’s pretty funny that Candyass claims the producers forced her kid to act like a brat, and only picked on her because she was so sunny and positive and they wanted to bring her down.
My brother-in-law worked in reality TV for years, and he said all those “I was a victim of bad editing” excuses are BULLSHIT. The producers are filming on a tight budget and time schedule, and will work with whatever raw material they have. Of course they will edit things for maximum drama – so if you’re kind of an asshole in real life, you’ll look like a HUGE asshole on TV. But again, you have to give them the raw material in the first place. Candyass should be asking herself if the producers are so evil and manipulative, why all the other kids on this episode seemed fairly reasonable and normal, and ONLY HER DAUGHTER came across like a screaming autistic trainwreck.
P.S. I watched this before watching the movie “We Need to Talk About Kevin”, about a psychotic teen boy who shoots up his school. And then I called my fiance and told him to stock up on condoms, because we’re NEVER having kids.
Thanks for the birthday present DearCrabby!! Off to reading
DearCrabby, Great recap. I laughed my ass off at your picture of your mom’s weapons of choice. My mom used all of them, plus the flyswatter, on me and my brother. Well-deserved, (for the most part). If Alexeseses wasn’t autistic, my mom or yours could straighten her our in two days.
Thank you for letting me comment with only my little associate’s degree. Last year I made $86,000. Bite me Candice!
@crankyguy – Maybe that is because many of these pageant moms only value superficial perfection. The point of a pageant is to crown that perfect doll that looks like it should be set upon a shelf. So Candyass is unable to admit that her child could be less than perfect. Of course, this is really going to fuck with that poor child’s mind so that she will likely have a life long problem with plastic surgery/food/alcohol/drugs or whatever else she needs to fill the hole left in her from feeling that she can’t measure up to perfection.
I still can’t bring myself to watch this show but I love the recaps. I just wasted two hours (what? I’m at work – what else am I supposed to be doing – working? I think not!) reading 200+ comments on the minicap and was thoroughly entertained by all of the welfare collecting, Little Debbie eating, Wal-Mart shopping, uneducated fatasses here at the ‘gasm. I’m not the religious type but I will be praying long and hard tonight that Cayndece drops by our humble abode to set us straight tonight. I must say, linking this recap to her daughter’s fan page is pure genius. I think I might have to leave a comment. Yeah I know. I’m an asshole.
This probably was one of the most hotly anticipated recaps in a long time! Well done, Dear Crabby! On Christmas, I reread the comments of the mini-cap just so I could enjoy another present. Just brilliant all Gasm commenters — well the literate ones I mean! I commented on “degress” thinking it was Canddouxse but it was actually pageantmom, who I thought was one and the same because of the identical grammar..uh..inconsistencies and too much inside info but apparently pageantmom only got one degress – my bad. Shame on my fat ass!
Oh even better…she linked your recap on her page and then someone commented ‘There back’ and linked the full recap.
(Yes I know it’s ‘they’re’…just reporting it like i see it!)
@mere lol that was me. On the there back. I was hoping she would see the ink and give us a wonderful new posting. As for the misspell I blame the xannax and general lack of giving a shit when writing on a snark site or rather trying to get a crazy person to respond on a snark site.
Hey there, I just watched this episode today and read the minicap. Holy Crap!! I can’t believe I missed all that fun before Xmas!! My New Years resolution will be to watch T&T on time so I can be in on all the fun!
I just started reading this recap and I don’t share the Tonya love. My daughter is a gymnast and she works out for 3 hrs at a time (not “all day”) and she eats before and after – and she eats a helluva of a lot better than pixie stix. Meanwhile, Kandass posts that her kid was forced to film for 17 hrs w/out sleeping or eating when she was 3! And that’s not abuse?? Quit picking on gymnasts Tonya and mayybeee I’ll be a fan of yours. (but no promises)
Candice set herself up when she named her daughter Alexes. Fucked name= fucked up child.
Where the hell is CanDice? It’s like you go to all this trouble to invite someone to a party and then they don’t show up.
I went on her page and the link to tvgasm isn’t there. She might have deleted them. The last mention of TT (I think) was when Eden’s page asked if she didn’t like her episode and that was from days ago.
I haven’t seen this episode yet, but reading the recap I had the same thought as the other poster- that this little girl is either autistic or has Asperger’s. Her parents are doing her no favors by not getting her evaluated.
Now off to read the epic posts in the mini-recap!
@Bananas – I think the misspelling was so you didn’t blow your cover…lol.
Just a thought. A scathing 30-minute rant was written to put all of us in our place while she called the feds or evil website leader monitor guy — you all know she’s not ignoring us (a la Glenn Close) but this time she didn’t want to look illiterate again so she tried spell check. Spell check went oh HELLLLLLLLL no and her computer blew up so I’m not counting on anything any time soon
Oh @DearCrabby I have so been looking forward to your recap of what I believe wins the prize for the most disgusting and also most awesome episode in Toddlers and Tiaras history!
And it was totally worth the wait!
The only problem is that “Could you not find work gutting fish?” made me ROFL so hard I got scared I was about to bust some stitches open. Which made me have to take 2 pain pills. So you’ve all been warned.
I’m hanging onto my opinion from the mini-cap that we don’t know doodle about what AnnaBella’s really like, because she was acting every single minute.
And she’s really good. I agree she’s picked up words from TV but stuff like the timing and delivery she’s got you can’t teach and her mom sure doesn’t have it.
This also might’ve been the 1st and maybe only time that we hear a 7 yr old say their goal is to be on a soap opera and we get to nod our heads and call it achievable.
I couldn’t feel anything but sorry for Allexxess. I know she yelled NO at everything but all they do is make her do stuff she hates. And she just has this sad look in her eyes.
@DearCrabby I bet – no, I guarantee you – if she got put in a loving home for a week you’d swear she’d been swapped out for another kid.
She’s not a brat. She’s just miserable. The only thing wrong with her is her parents keep forcing the pageant crap she hates down her throat for THEIR fun.
I know that’s not exactly the 1st time we’ve seen that happen but they took it to such an extreme it ended up being just too cruel to enjoy watching.
About the nicest thing I can say about SamiJo’s mom is that I don’t think she realizes how she sounds.
Any sentence that’s got both “2 yr old” and “routine” in it does not qualify for a place on the List Of Things That Make A Lick Of Sense.
Anybody that’s ever seen a 2 yr old child that’s so gifted they can even conceive of what a routine is much less remember it is so not going to get that child confused with SamiJo. Or any other normal and average child.
Everything I start to type about “you’re not crippled” I end up deleting.
Because when something makes you LYAO and want to throw up at the same time, and on so many levels, any comment you make about it is probably something you’ll regret. Specially when you took 2 pain pills.
So I’ll just express my hope that SamiJo doesn’t end up getting kicked out of school for tripping up the little boy with leg braces on.
At least I got to laugh at that costume that looked it was designed for the 10 to 12 yr old FuglyWear competition.
Or so I thought until they just stood there and let her trip faceplant like 9 times.
That’s not really good for little kids from a health and safety standpoint.
And I say this as 1 of those people that doesn’t have maternal instinct. Like Jenelle on Teen Mom 2. Watching what some of these pageant moms do to their babies must have the people that do have 1 about to bust a gusset.
Lol mere. I wish I were being clever. Reality is though while I do have a degree I am grammatically challenged. All of my notes are short hand. Plus when on xannax I tend to care even less.
Oh well no on is perfect and I will be the first to admit sometimes I reread what I write and am like what the hell lol.
Maybe I should be more like candice and never admit to any fault ever!!!!!
so I totally missed out on the whole minicap drama but I went back to try and find it and it seems to have disappeared! Does anyone have the link to it?
I can’t believe in all the snack talk no one mentioned raspberry Zingers!! Greatest snack food evah!
Even at my dopey college (Fancy Child Molestering Community College) you have to pass the English assessment to get into degree level classes. So I’m curious about the area of Candice’s degrees.
The links from the minicap to Alexes’ Facebook page have been deleted/deactivated, and when you do a Facebook search, Bananas’ comments are not there. We are being watched, y’all. Guess someone couldn’t stand the heat and decided to view the kitchen from afar. Can anyone else spell c-h-i-c-k-e-n-s-h-i-t?
Maybe she’s getting all hopped up on Little Debbie’s before taking anyone on.
And raspberry zingers!?!? I’ve never seen a raspberry zinger! WTH, I’ve been deprived!!!!!
GREAT recap DC!!!!!! I have 2 degrees so I think I’m qualified to comment here. I also have 2 daughters but like Saffie, I’ve NEVER had any desire to put them in pageants. And I have a dog so I can be in the animal lovers group too.
Wonderful job proving Candace to be a liar w/ the haircut thing! she also said in her comment that A only spun the wheel but in the actual show, didn’t she say that A became obsessed with it? Why would she say that if she only did it once? BTW, (and this has nothing to do with anything) the biggest mean girl in my high school was named Candace so I’ve hated that name.
And to the person that said she has the goods on Samara’s mom: spill it, sistah! We want to hear all!
http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=273109059412554&id=213980311992096
Facebook stalking is fun and informative! Looks like Candyass is going after anyone who dares point out her child’s bratty behavior. It also appears that if you call her child a brat it compares to violence?? Haven’t quite figured out that relationship comparison..smh.
GREAT recap DC!! I have 2 degrees so I think I’m allowed to post here. I also have 2 daughters and like Saffie, I have NEVER wanted to put them in pageants.
Awesome catch on the sunlight coming in the windows during the haircut scene! Candace is full of crap. and sorry honey, there is something up with Alexes. It’s just sad that her mom is so fixated on making her a pageant star that she can’t see it. Are there any videos on her fb page? I’d like to see evidence of this happy cheerful little girl she kept talking about.
And to the person who claims to have the real story on Samara’s mom: spill it, sistah. I want to know if we were really duped!
I feel cheated lied to and used. I want Khandiss to comment. I am like tinker bell I need her crazy ass to live.
Oh and I liked Annabella ok – she was def rehearsed in all her cutesy lines, but I like to see a kid on this show that enjoys pageants and isn’t there b/c a delusional mother is forcing her. She’s a little full of herself but I still thought she was a refreshing change from watching brats.
All we have to do is put on a pageant and they’ll all show up. How about The Interwebinal Miss Fancycap Perfect Puss. I nominate pageant refugee as director.
Oh also did anyone else notice that the hair and makeup woman for Alexes was the mother of UGS from the halloween episode
?
Dear Crabby, Love your recaps! You say everything I think about T&T, but say it much better than I ever could…with one exception — your use of “‘tard” and “‘tarded” which we all know is short for “retard” and “retarded”. Those words are very hurtful to people with intellectual disabilities (like my beautiful, sweet, fantastic daughter). There are many slurs that we all know we never should use, and retard and retarded are included among them. I ask you and everyone who might read my comment to join the movement to “Spread the Word to End the Word”, the “r” word, that is. It is fine to make fun of people who so richly deserve it as a result of their actions, but it is cruel and unfair to do it at the expense of people with intellectual disabilities who have done nothing except be who they are. They deserve our acceptance and respect, not our scorn and ridicule, which is what we give them, by association, every time we use “retarded” or “‘tard” to make fun of someone.
Sarah McLachlan should do a commercial for these poor children. Child abuse, much? With the exception of Annabella, none of them seem very interested in pageantry, at all. At least she is of age to understand what is going on…..whereas Alexes (spelling ?) needs some specialized testing, IMO. Out of control and an unwilling participant….her parents defy logic. This recap is the only positive aspect from this train wreck. Thanks for that.
I am all about making fun of a screaming bratty child on T&T who are a product of their parents piss poor parenting. BUT I DO HAVE TO STICK UP FOR ALEXES!!! I think Alexes has Aspergers, which is a form of Autism. That poor baby is being forced to do these stupid ass pageants. NOT TO MENTION, being bribed for toys and Chuck E Cheese. Kids WANT discipline. Alexes needs help for her developmental delays, not this shit!
Wasn’t one of the judges in the reality show “Women of Texas”? She looked strangely familiar…
MUST check out link on Liz Dow’s post – Here’s the best quote from it: “I have looked at her pictures and there’s no way she could be a brat!” AWESOME!!!!!!
No, Khandisse, you ignorant twat. TLC did not edit your twitchy demon-spawn to look bad; you and your husband managed to do that all by yourselves. And speaking of which, where might I find this video footage of Alekksis all glowing and happy and diva-licious? What? You couldn’t read my proper spelling and grammar? You suddenly misplaced the alleged footage, along with your meds? Your precocious widdle darling was conveniently replaced with a changeling? Ah, that explains everything.
At our house (adults only) we use Chuck E Cheese as a threat. One of us will get all squinty-eyed and hiss through clenched teeth, “Do you want me to take you to Chuck E Cheese? WELL DO YOU???”
@Susan I totally agree with you. I have a beautiful nephew who happens to have Downs and I hate the word. It’s right there with the “c” word being used to describe women. My nephew is a sweet boy who is mentally challenged.
My daughter has done pageants for several years and we’ve seen a lot of the kids featured on the show. It’s not our entire life and my child has only taken one UGS along the way. We don’t always have the latest clothes or routines but we have fun, we meet nice people and it helps build confidence. I love the recaps because the show is so ludicrous, some things simply need to be said.
@Jami There is a girl in my daughters age group who has Aspergers and the way Alexes was edited on the show reminds me of this child. We’ve been competing with her for a couple years now and are very fond of her. She is either on fire or a total dud, there is no in between. She does the same funky hand moves they showed Alexes doing. She would also be entranced by the spinning wheel. She sometimes gets agitated before going on and will scream at her parents or her H&M person. Sometimes she goes up on stage and blows everyone away. You never know. Her parents are both very involved with her pageants and they have specific goals that they are reaching for. For some kids, just getting up on stage and smiling is considered a big win. The difference is that these are good parents who know their child has an issue, who have realistic expectations and work with their daughter to be the best at something she loves. I’ve never seen a pixy stix go near the child and they don’t bribe her with stuff.
I would gleefully like to point out here (since the mini-cap is already overloaded with comments) that Candice’s excuse about Alexes being sick because her school let her out without a coat, hat or mitts is ridiculous. Why? Because being outside in the cold doesn’t make you sick.
Also, I only have one degree (working on the second) and notice that I can spell and I even use correct grammar and punctuation. Shocking for someone with only one degree!!
Candice, please come back, you made me laugh so hard.
Crabby – you are amazing.
I have three college degrees, so I win. Suck it Candice.
Why hello there, long time lurker, first time commenter (please be gentle).
I don’t know why, but Annabella didn’t irritate me as much as she should have, I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it is the fact that she reminds me of a little girl version of Mr. Todd? I am not worried about her ego, because she will have her ass handed to her when she gets older if she keeps that up.
Alexes, Alexes, Alexes, well, perhaps the best way to explain the stupidity of the name is if I apply the ‘unique’ spelling to my explanation.
Et es leke there es a speech epedement waeteng to happen, a future of mespelleng and confuseon. Your mother es an edeot who should have used an emplant, worse ef they used EVF.
SamiJo, cute kid, but will probably grow up thinking she is amazing, but when she marries the first guy out of high school and starts a pidgeon farm, gets her implants find a friend with a mole to do her bidding. But hey, I’m currently sitting here with my cat getting excited over the prospect of popcorn, so I am in no place to judge.
Also, apologies for my spelling, just came off my a 12hr shift, still better then Candice I hope.
To be fair to Kahndass, in her version of the Bible calling people fat, ugly, uneducated, welfare receiving, fancy child molester murderers makes an angel gets its wings…but only if you do it with really bad grammar.
I am Sam 3: Tarded-er!….Bwahahahahahahahaha*deep breath*hahahahahahahahah.1) I think these 3 little girls are all cute SamiJo and ALLEEXXEESS have beautiful eyes 2) Having several ‘different learners’ in my family the word retarded doesn’t bother me. When in a joking manner it is just a word…I don’t get offended when there are Black, urban living, or women jokes. I would NEVER use the retarded to an actual different learner as an insult. I watched the show again, I think Alleexxeess was doped up(as she should if she were sick)…look at her eyes she looks high as a kite. That said, it doesn’t change the fact that she was a whining, screaming 2nd born of Satan. Annabella was laying it on pretty durn thick, I’m wondering if her mother instructed her to ham it up for the cameras…never know if Disney is watching. I KNEW she would win the Supreme pizza with all the toppings with brownie and a free 2 liter, she was the *gagging* the whole package AB enjoyed participating in pageants and it looks like she and her mother enjoy them together (I still think Samara and Ally have more fun…I seriously want one of those microphones). As I stated in the mini-cap, I understand that T&T edits this show. There is no one arguing this FACT, but T&T does not control anyone’s actions. As a parent you should take control of the situation if you feel as though your child is being abused( no food or sleep). I’ll be frank, I don’t know ANY child under the age of 5 that does not fall asleep when they want to… I work for the top franchised preschool in the country (10 years and counting), the parent of a 4 and 6 year old, and the Auntie of many(my ‘oldest’ is 26). Sheesh ,how many of us have seen children sleep standing up? And for the life of me I can’t think of anywhere in the continental United States where the sun is still up at 10 PM, sign of the times perhaps…
I don’t watch the show so is the child’s name Alexis like Jesus Barbie from RHOOC or Alexes like “two Alexes are walking down the street”.
Uh, Susan and stagemom, please don’t try to clean up my favorite SNARK SITE by banning every word that might possibly offend some member of some particular group. Next, nobody can be called an idiot because it might offend relatives of actual idiots, and no one can mention Li’l Hantz’s short stature because it might offend little people. There are things people commonly are called as insults that truthfully apply to me, and I don’t see any campaigning to stop THAT.
@Moli, the only time the sun is up at 10pm is if you are in Alaska in the summer
It stays light pretty much 24 hours during the summer…
@thisbugg…that’s why I made sure I said continental;)
I wonder if Candass was “home schooled”? Or if she rode the short bus to college? I still have yet to read her whole comment in the mini-cap, I just can’t – it’s such a mis-spelled, no-paragraph mess. It’s cause I ain’t got none of them fancy college degrees, isn’t it? Candyass, where you at – Bitch?
Minipcap: More Face Planting doesn’t show up when you choose ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ from the recap page. You can find it if you scroll through all the recaps of different shows from the main page, or find it under ‘most commented’ at the bottom of the main page and click on it.
Tricia has a site called Stiletto Sisters that has videos of her and some other women. On the site it says she is moving to Iowa, the post is one month old. Does Iowa have an underwear football league??
Kind of hate the minicaps, seems like people do all their commenting on the minicaps and nobody much comments on the main recap.
@Victory – I agree, me no likee minicaps for that reason AND because they take up so much room on the main page, they push actual recaps to page 2.
Iowa does not have a lingerie football team. Maybe she meant IdaHO.
Can someone enlighten me? What the hell is lingerie football?
Doesn’t Tricia have 3 sons? (the ones she was sooooooo depressed about having since they were not girls). What boy wants to see his mother playing football in her bra and panties?
Her husband needs to get some scene control……she is one crazy idea after another.
Over on SamiJo’s facebook page, it says that she spent the holiday at her daddy’s. Sam must have finally grown a pair and that’s why Tricia is moving to Iowa. Wonder if she’s taking MoleFace with her.
Tricia Grace is just a low-rent Kate Gosselin.
And Candyass Erdman with her 67 degress and medical license (prolly a Red Cross First Aid card) almost makes Natalie’s mom Kelly seem even-tempered.
I never watched this show, but I read the recap bc I’ve already read the recaps from my guilty pleasures. I also went back and read the 226 comments on the minicap. All I have to say is that I love you all! I haven’t laughed this much from the internet in so long! Thank you!
@Moli: Alaska IS in the continental US. It’s just not in the contiguous lower 48.
@classy drunk Alexes is pronounced like Alexis. Sad but true
@ash1 lingerie football is a team of whores playing another team of whores while wearing lingerie. Something all mothers of 4 children should aspire to. I even feel sorry for the turtles that are exposed to this!
“Crystal calls her a little princess. One we are seeing next Tuesday.” PERFECTION, Dear Crabby!!!
So I gave it 24 hrs. to see if CannedAss would step up, but she must be at Build-A-Bear. And now that she’s turned the entire Pageant world on to TVGasm (thanks, Kahhndayce!), it’s time for a true Public Service Announcement (sorry, this is going to be long-winded but necessary – Build-A-Bear with me):
A CAUTIONARY TALE:
Having worked 19 grueling years as a pro Photo Stylist (commercial catalog/print/video stuff), half of the job involves working with pro child models and their parents. When watching T&T, I can tell, from experience, which kids are NOT going to have a career in the public eye, and I’m gonna tell you why…
When I see a “difficult” child, hear a child say, “It’s all about me” or a child/parent saying, “She’s a Diva”: NO, it’s not remotely about you – IT’S ABOUT OUR JOB OF GETTING A BEAUTIFUL SHOT ON A TIMELY BASIS. Please tell your child the truth and discourage any “Diva” attitude. The best example of Diva Backfire was about 15 years ago – there was a Lingerie Model from Chicago who was THE. MOST. genetically flawless human I’ve ever seen. She worked around the globe and billed out at $2000/day. So we’d worked with This Model for about 5 years, and had to put up with her Diva bullshit and her constantly slinging attitude. One fine day, a seasoned photographer finally got tired of her Diva attitude and abruptly cancelled the shoot, told her to get changed and get the hell back to Chicago. End of This Model’s bookings at our studio, and I haven’t seen her in print since. Moral of the story? It truly doesn’t matter HOW pretty or precious or talented or “sassy” you think your child is, if they are a pain in the ass and don’t follow direction and make the photo crew’s job difficult, they will NOT make it any further than Pageants. I cannot stress this enough!
So C’anD’iss (and other delusional Stage Parents), just stop…and stop tormenting your child. Buy her a set of drums to bang on and sign her up for band, something to complement her “nervous energy”. Find the right activity for your child’s temperament. Either that, or learn how to spank some ass.
O.M.G….My daughter and I was JUST watching a repeat of T&T (The Halloween Bash episode with the ultra christian mom praying about everything) and they were showing Hallee’s 4 year old division and guess who they showed doing her beauty walk? ALEXES!!! That child did the same deer in the headlights duck walk that she did when she was featured on the show. So I guess her mom is incorrect when she says this was a one-off thing. Could she be getting over an illness every time she does a pageant? Even my husband (who hates this show) saw her quick shot and said “What is wrong with that girl?” A totally clueless man noticed, so Miss Candice, it’s apparent to EVERYONE!
I almost spit out my iced tea when I saw her. I hope that episode is on the web somewhere…
Oh btw…I didn’t finish college but have still have managed to whole comment without grammar or spelling mistakes… Suck it Candice! Oh and Alexes is plural for Alex you nimrod.
Kisses all
Well well well. Just watched TnT repeat of “Halloween Bash” and guess who was on it all her nose picking glory? Allexxxeessss! T was like watching Rain Man in a mirror maze! Mole lip was there too!is sh a roadie or groupie? Awesome crab walk by Alexass. I’m sure she was edited that way! LOL
I see that I was beaten to the punch re: can’t get sick from the cold thing, because Gkhandisz’s (the G and Z are silent) comments scrambled my brain and I didn’t read all 226. Probably because I only have degree and am therefore obviously an ignoramus.
Amazing recap Crabby, this was one of my fave episodes ever! But I honestly think that most of my delight came from Candice’s comments.
I didn’t mind Annabella at the beginning, but I agree that her confidence was bordering on arrogance. And I certainly wouldn’t have been allowed to talk back to my parents like that when I was a kid. However, I could not help but be reminded of myself when I watched her – not that I did pageants, but whenever my parents brought the video camera out I hammed it up like crazy – which leads me to believe that this was put on for the cameras.
Alexes – nightmare!!! Sorry, but bribing is not parenting.
I actually don’t mind SamiJo and her mother. Tricia may be a bit delusional, but at least she seems to have a better grasp on parenting than others *cough cough cough*. I don’t think that SamiJo is that good at pageants though, but she is only 2 (and her skirt didn’t help) so maybe she will continue to improve.
Well, that’s about all I have to say. I’m going to get off my fat, ugly ass (since obviously I have been sitting on the couch all day eating pork rinds) and put on my nude colored stirrup pants and ill fitting tank top (to emphasize my back cleavage, of course) and go to Walmart. Since I’m such a fat and disgusting child molester (and a fancy one, at that) I’m going to ride around on my motorized scooter with my top hat on, stuffing my face with Little Debbies and running over children so that they’re easier to capture.
*only have one degree
Kimmi, that was the first time I saw the Halloween Bash episode and unfortunately Syriniti’s stepmom got on my last nerve! You don’t pray to God to let your kid win a hooker pageant! You just don’t!
And for fear that at any moment FBI agents are going to start rapelling through my first story windows and shoot me for saying ANYTHING bad about Alexes and Candice I’ll be nice. They might take away my Little Debbie Jelly Creme Pies and then WHAT WOULD I HAVE LEFT?!? Two things you can’t mess with when it comes to us overweight, Little Debbie-inhaling computer jockeys: our snack cakes and our Sun Drop. Of course the soda pop can in fact vary.
I’m so glad that you guys spotted Alexes on the repeat too! I wasn’t sure if that was her at first, but when she yelled out & did that weird crawl across the stage I knew it was our little antichrist.
Candice: “The camera crew told her to walk like a crab onstage and wouldn’t let us eat or sleep until she did it”
I respectfully admit that I made a mistype TWICE. My brain said lower 48 but my fingers(sneak typing is never a good thing) somehow came up with the continental . I haven’t kept a straight face reading all of the wonderful spellings of Candice.
Watching this boy called Brock right now.First of all,he’s wearing a wife-beater,dressed as “Dorothy” for Halloween & has 2 dolls he takes to pageants.I see therapy in this childs future.Maybe just a Carson Kressley in training.This child is going to be beat up every day of his school life.I blame the parents.Do you remember how many children have comitted suicide from being bullied?Second,Eden Wood’s mother is the biggest bitch of a stage mother than Gypsey’s Rose Lee’s.Finally,there’s…shall I say it?…let me get my cucifix first…McKenzie.She is a homely kid & Miss Ni Ni didn’t help.It’s a lazy,dumb mother who let’s a child over 6mo.still use one.Her mother always looks drunk or drugged all the time.These children would not act like this if any of these parents had an ounce of brains.All they want is the $$$$ from TLC anyway.
@missyshep – Thanks! Wow, so it is just as whore-y as it sounds! And this crazy bitch has 3 sons? Nothing like googling your mom and finding that to really land your ass in the nut barn!
@Moli – you were right; continental US means the 48. Alaska is not in the continental US.
So what the hell is the point of playing football in your undies? do they get paid for this? Is it filmed or something?
Ok I give up my brain is totally fried(I think I’m smartish). I had too many days off work, 4 days of playing, playing and more playing(Christmas rocks with little kids)…in additional to a diet consisting of a years worth of sugar in that time period. I think women want to play football, but men will only watch them half naked. Or slutty women who want men gawking at them…your pick. I have seen ‘real’ women football teams and the women are…not going to be gawked at by men.
I accidentally found your site last year while searching for a recap of a HW show I missed. Turns out, tvgasm recaps are better than the actual episodes! DearCrabby, you are hilarious, as are your faithful commenters! I enjoy the snark, the pithy references, and just as much so, the friendship and loyalty among your group.
This episode’s recap was over the top ridic! I LOVE this:
SamiJo picks up one of her pictures that looks like a Tracy Chapman album cover shot by Dorothea Lange. She doesn’t like it. “Because you look chubby?” Tricia asks. She’s two. That’s her job. But way to cripple her with body issues early.
I am posting for the first time because I love this site the way it is, so I hope the powers that be cannot be pressured to tame themselves! I can respect the opinion of those that want to protect kids from labels, or take issue with the use of words that are outdated or offensive, but just as there are comedians and shows that you might find offensive, you can choose not to watch them. Heck, I went to a restaurant recently where the waiters insult you on purpose! I could have walked out if I didn’t like it! I’m with snarkyguy! The offensive nature of the site is what makes it so funny!
I have kids (2 furry and 2 non-furry), and, oops, only 1 degree! I usually see the good in people, but how can I resist a good roast? Celebrities and reality TV fame whores set themselves, and their kids, up to be judged and ridiculed. This is not a newscast, where everything is supposed to be fair and objective. It’s screwball snark! Enjoy, or leave!
Thanks for opportunity to vent, and thanks for the guilty pleasure, Gasmi! Don’t change a thing!!!
Didn’t CandAss come here and say that the “official AlexES Ertman FanPage” was made by a teenage fan? So the teenage fan posted this?
“Alexes loved filming and talking on camera..she was only screaming and baby talking when told to by the producer! She talks very plain and very mature actually she says big words and talks like an adult. Just ask anyone who knows us or her cheer coach!”
So my question is who is running the fan page? Mom or the random teenager? Mom needs to just fess up to her pathetic dreams of stardom for her child. She also posted more pictures with the same staring through you expression as the rest. I can’t imagine that kid not popping on an Autism evaluation.
Just watched the newest episode and I’m afraid Crabby doesn’t have much material. It was the recappers equivalent of lesbian bed death. No break out nuts or crazies.
I, too, caught the rerun of the pageant where Brock competed. Brock RULES. He is actually a seemingly sweet kid who loves doing his thing, and I thought his parents were amazing to let him do what he loved, fully knowing the potential for ridicule. His mom stood up for him and even let him wear the girl’s crown he wanted (Awesome! Great mom!)
Dear schoolyard bullies in Brock’s town: I would gladly hit you with a metal bat if you do anything mean to Brock, aka, the next Broadway star.
It’s the only time watching T&T where I didn’t feel like disinfecting myself with lye and screaming at the parents that I hoped they all get bedbugs from their motel stays.
Hey, hey hey!! I did not see Continental US, in @Moli’s post.thank you very much! For some reason I am only getting half of the comments on here! It has been like that for the past few days. So get off my back!
thisbuggs, I think its from the maintenance. I’m only getting 5 or 6 comments at a time. I do hope this ‘new’ feature if starting from the newest comment stays
@Moli, thanks!! It is possible that I could have read, “were in the united states is it still light out at 10 pm, and totally skipped over the continental part….but agian, without the other 90 comments, I can’t go back and read it
I just don’t want everyone to think that I am stupid and don’t know what continental means!
I also like the new comment section. It is nice, you don’t have to scroll down to the bottom. It also explains why I am having so much trouble with the site today.
thisbuggs, it’s not just you….I too was having trouble getting the comments, and posting too. For a fleeting moment I thought the Feds had cut us off and were frantically trying to track us all down to imprison us for “slander” and “hate crimes” LOL!
Candace, I just reviewed the Halloween bash and in both the beauty and Halloween costume section Alexes was just as much of a dud as she was last week! I think we can all clearly see why T&T “begged” you to let them follow your family – they can recognize gold when it duck walks right past them!
@moli-Ok, I found where you said continental, then I saw your post underneath mine! I blame blame that sinus infection that I got from walking to our mailbox in a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops, going to see if my bulk order of Little Debbie Nutty Bars had arrived, when it was only 35 degrees outside! I shall say, no worries! I had a blonde moment, and didn’t finish reading your post.
But I am going to have to respectivly disagree with you on Brock-”the next Broadway Star!” I effing love Brock. I effing love his mom as well. Yes it seems like he is the next Carson Cressly(sp?), but he knows it, and so does mom! Ok, well he may not so much as know he is gay, but I believe that his mom does, and she is ok with that. She even stated that if their friends don’t agree, then they weren’t good friends to begin with. You could tell that he was having such a good time up there on stage. He wasn’t being “coached” while he was up there, having mom do all the moves…Not like Braxton, Alaska’s little brother, that kid looked like he was in pain the whole time he was on stage. All that kid wanted to do was drive that little car around and have some fun…!
Anyhoo, Moli you rock! DearCrabby you double rock!! Wishing all you Little Debbie eating, over weight, uneducated, wellfare recepients a Lovely New Year! Please, don’t try to facebook me, and tell me that your ass got thrown in the clink for pounding Little Debbie’s at your local Walmart, I don’t have that much cash lying around
Happy New Year Everyone!!
First of all, just caught up via On Demand
SamiJo: for a child that has been in pageants since birth, she should have the beauty walk down a bit better, other two year olds do, and her limited vocabulary and poor motor skills show a bit of deveolmental delay. Save the pageant money and get some therapy.
Anna Bella: This is what a child who loves pageants and has a supportive family looks like. Pageant parents take note. If your child cries and complains for any of the pre pageant prep, quit now.
Alexex: Therapy. Anyone who is mesmerized by a spinning wheel has neurological deficits, and two deluded parents? poor kid hit the jackpot of neglect. having a nice house, parents who spend money on you will not make the problems go away.
PS Loved the mommy child matching outfits, was that a producer request too?
And as an aside, love seeing Jaime Stacy doing the hair and make up, and threatening to use the hairspray can as a bat. Love her and her daughter Chloe.
@Wilma, I hope that lurking pageant moms pay attention to your comment. No matter how precious their little darling is, there are dozens more to replace her if she is not easy to work with….unless it is T&T, which loves to feature the crazy. So, they can go ahead and proudly create little divas, but they are also creating girls with no future other than as a difficult, demanding child who no one else admires. When I see the bitchy side-eye that some of these girls as young as four send each other I cringe for the future. These moms are creating a group of mean girls who will judge their contemporaries viciously.
I loved this! I had to do a lot of Google searching to find the mini-cap though, cuz when I went to the main page for the recaps, I couldn’t find it.. Oh well, I did read it, laughed so hard at the comments, and overall had a great Christmas thanks to these crazy pageant parents!
By the way, the “playground bully” (LOL) is actually Brooklyn’s sister, Blake. Brooklyn, the one with the Charlie’s Angels routine.
Keep it up, DearCrabby!!!!!
Contrary to what you see on tv, not every pageant mom wants their child to be a star. Not every pageant mom is ok with divalike behavior. The majority of pageant systems refuse to let T&T film. I have yet to see a true national level pageant on there. (universal royalty and anything Eden Woods related is not considered national level in the pageant world). The majority of pageant girls I’ve met are well mannered sweet children with good parents. You see a glimpse of it on the newest episode that just aired, with Cassadee and Penny Lane, where the families are all there supporting each other. That was much closer to the reality than most of the episodes these last two seasons. Just like most dance studios are nothing like Abby Lees dance studio. Shit I don’t think Abby Lees studio is even like Abby Lees studio.
” Shit I don’t think Abby Lees studio is even like Abby Lees studio.”…teehee. BTW, I pretty excited to see what antics we have for this season of Dance Moms…more Mackenzie and Nia please:)
I see some suggestions about what ails the demon spawn have been discussed, but I will add mine. Given Alexeeez’s absence of clear speech, her inability to control herself, and her unnatural rage, is it possible she is brain damaged? Perhaps instead of dragging her around to pageants in the hope of sad, pale reflected glory, the “mother” (and I use the term loosely) should be seeking the help of a neurologist. I have a three and a half year old cat with neurological deficits. She acts A LOT like Alekseezes. The vet assistant has to wear electricians’ gloves all the way to the elbow to handle my feline. And the cat screams before anyone even touches her. She thrashes, complains, makes bizarre noises, and at times stares at us like we’re strangers. Sound familiar?
Here’s another choice (also mentioned by others.) With her lack of verbal skills and hatred of being touched, perhaps she is autistic. With good, caring parents children with these challenges can have a decent life. Alexhseses, however, doesn’t stand a chance.
Perhaps the phrase “you’re not crippled” was being said more as a prayer, and referred to the child’s emotions, not her physicality.
When they say they could see Alexeseseses eyes “tear up,” did they really mean turn red and bleed as her head spun around while the Devil’s minion muttered curses at them?
What happened to the word “diva.” It used to mean flamboyant talented performers who had reached such a level of success and celebrity they could be both meticulous and demanding. Divas were few and far between. Now it just means bitchy, and is being applied to everyone from a squadron of Kardashians to these snot-nosed pageant brats.
The neighborhood bully girl looks like the neighborhood bully girl in the unfortunately named movie Hope Floats.
I have no children of my own…only pets. (And I volunteer at a local shelter, because I just don’t have enough dirty cat boxes in my own life.) I was blessed, however, with siblings that allow me to heavily influence my nieces and nephews. I am proud a niece has followed me into communications (even graduated from the same college I attended,) and is currently working on her master’s degree. Her older sister is the Dean of a small college. Two of my nephews are in their final years of college at a large university. One is a double major (Dean’s list,) and the other is getting great grades and already is making his mark by working in his field while still attending classes. And his degree is also communications. Another niece got her degree, is married, has a great job (with more responsibility than I would like) and is raising her own wonderful kids. Another niece and nephew are still in school. In short, my borrowed children rock. I could not be more proud of them. They are beautiful, yes, but they are also brilliant…a quality more valued and nurtured in our family.
And, just for the record, hoops are a pain in the ass. I had to wear one for my sister’s wedding. Have you ever tried to get into a public bathroom stall while battling a giant birdcage hung all the way from your waist to the floor?
Crabby- I absolutely love your recaps!!!!! I look so foward to them because of the entertainment value in brings. I have never commented before, but I must now. I have 3 children. My youngest son has Autism. So when I watch T&T and see these healthy children with parents who are supposed to be trying to provide a proper unbringing for these children to become productive and successful members of society, I cringe! The tantrums, the negotiating with them, the slapping at their mothers! I just want to come through the TV screen and spank their asses! When my Autistic son has a meltdown, he doesn’t even come close to some of the temper tantrums that I have seen on this show. There is no doubt that Alexes is on the spectrum. I feel sorry for this child because it seems that everyone is in denial, and for that Alexes will not get the early intervention in which she needed to have started a couple of years ago. Once again, pathetic parenting! I am anxiously awaiting the new recap Crabby!!!! It’s New Years eve and I have no place to be!!!!!!
Sorry**I haven’t commented before on something that really hits close to home** is what I was suppossed to write. I found that the longer my comment that when I type the CAPTCHA code it will come back as error and wipe out what you just wrote. So I have to remember what I already typed. Anyways, everyone have a Happy New Year!
I was shopping today at the Dollar Tree and right there at the checkout was a huge display of Little Debbie cakes! On Sale!!! No oatmeal creme pies, though.
@lindaw205 When I saw your comment on the main page, I though it was going to say, that you saw a huge display of tiaras.lol
I wish! That would be so awesome! I could then wear my tiara whilst munching on my little debbie cakes and I would feel like such a princess!
Wilma is totally right about people not wanting to work with these “diva” kids. My daughter has done tv/film and print modeling for nearly seven years and one thing I’ve noticed is that there are a HUGE number of kids who burst on the scene, do one job, and then never get another job. Having seen a lot of them on set I would say that in most cases they never get called back because they pull a lot of the same nonsense we see on T&T – the whining, not listening, bratty behaviour. There are hundreds of kids who are waiting in the wings and photographers/directors just don’t have the time for nonsense.
All of you claim to be educated and have educated children but you believe reality tv…that is sooo sad!!! There isnt anything wrong with my child at all. Sayig she is mentally ill or retarded is just plain stupid of each and every one of you. Sorry snatch but at karate teacher not very successful and saying My mom a pediatric nurse from 35 years ago…give me a break a you mom is a horrible nurse and clearly doesnt know anything, which is why im guessing she doesnt work anymore. Plus you are the same idiot that posted this same comment on facebook. Get a life and get obsessing about me and my child. I get it you are all unsuccessful and fat. I would be mad too. Thats funny saying we look un able to get college degrees and only could get a ged what a fool when you prob dont have any education or a high school education at all. My husand and I both have college degrees and since we have lives I dotn have time t spell check or even re read what Im posting. I tried to educate you guys on reality tv but clearly you are fools. Snatch I feel soooo sorry that you mothered anyone and I hope you didnt mess them up like your mental stability is messed up. i also hope you never touched them sexually because all of my radars are going and chilld going down my spin when I read your trash. But really the funiest part is you listing your unsucccessful kids like you are really orud of them…hahah karate teacher i cant get over that. Is he autistic or ADD? You really like that saying or just violent. PS a real man would just beat the shit out of someone in a fight not use arake..lol thanks for the laugh we have laughed at these karate people for years now. She was 3 and we were told what too do. I dont know why you guys are so stupid you dont understand. Yes I shouldnt have agreed to do it but they said it was to show a positive family that do pageants. My child has never acted like this and will not ever act like this. Can you imagine 8 film crew members coming into your home filming fr hours upon hours a day for a toddler. Not one of you know me or my family and I think its pure sick what you guys are saying. my child does not preform like this and never has she only spun the wheel once and it was edited with all her routines edited out. Seriosuly not one of you “Teachers” or college graduates can understand they edited me to say her American Wear is Sandy when it wasnt. Furthermore i have wasted my time even messing with this low of trash. I just cant understand why calling my child mentally retarded makes you happy? Are you that pathetic and have that much of a void you have to attack a child to fill happiness. I see a future of you guys burning in hell because not one of you low lifes have God in your life. Whats so funny is even my 3 year old understood acting and did exactly what the crew told her to do. Whats funny is she has given interviews on live tv and speaks like an adult and doesnt baby talk at all. Once again tlc cut out our life of playing together, her trips and literallt 95% of what we filmed and only showed what they set up. They didnt like my answers as i refused to lie about how much we spent on pageant and i refused to talk bad about other children. We also rolled hair together, went to the park, Alexes did a fashion show where she models. Funny thing is when she said i wish this is a basball bat she wasnt even talking about Alexes it was edited in after us. They chose to make us look bad and I really didnt believe you all were this stupid but it just shows how much we lack in education and how pathetic people really are. I will pray for you all its not too late , God does forgive! But really get a touch on reality or lay of the drugs. Snatch tell your loser unsucessful kids I say hello too and I feel so sorry for them having a unfit mom as yourself. PS walmart is hiring if you need a job …oh wait you make 6 figures hahahahahaha that is still the second funiest thing you said yet.
Candice, I am the Lord thy God, and thus I command you: FUCK OFF already! Jesus Christ, I gave your kid Aspergers, not leprosy. Get her some therapy and get yourself a Me-damn life. Twat.
Candice,
They invented these things called “paragraphs”. I’m sure you learned about them (and apostrophes) when you got your 372 degrees. Try using them.
And, why on Earth would you let people film your kid all day? Did YOU believe that reality TV would be good for your kid? Great parenting!
And where has your daughter given interviews on Live TV? Providing links to that would shut us all up (since we’d be able to see it was all a setup).
BTW, you won’t hear me make fun of the kid, because it isn’t the kid’s fault.
It’s YOURS Candice. You come in bitching and moaning about us talking about your idiotic self, but you are the moron who supposedly _knows_ about reality TV, but then proceeds to put your kid ON reality TV. You strut your kid out in trashy outfits to prance in front of cameras like she’s a “mini adult” because it gives you some ridiculous satisfaction.
If any of us are pedophiles, then what does that make you? A pimp for your child? A child pornographer?
Know matter what it makes you, one thing is sure — you’re one hell of a hypocrite.
If someone actually manages to make it through Kandhice’s newest rant, could your paraphrase it for me since I’m not feeling particularly masochistic today? Seems she decided once again not to use those college “degress” of hers.
I’m sure it is all the same though: you’re ugly, jealous, stupid, jobless child molestors. And my child does not have a problem…..
Isn’t not providing your child with proper medical treatment child abuse?
@RazzBeth, I’ll break it down for you – Candice was falling all over herself with apologies for us. She didn’t mean to call us all those names and in fact, she too, enjoys a good Little Debbie once in a while, in fact her favorite is the swiss roll.
She also complmented S-Natch on her mothering skills and on her son’s sucesses and wishes she can enroll Alexeses in Karate also.
She stands by her earlier claims about T&T’s editing, her hairdresser didn’t really try to use the hairspray as a baseball bat, that was all fake for “reality TV”.
She mentions briefly her lack of use of paragraphs, you see she got her degree(s) on-line and they charged by the paragraph, so she got used to using just the one. And lastly, she wishes us all at TVgasm and Happy and Healthy New Year!
@God Almighty, I say with all possible respect, O.M.G.!!! One of the best comments ever. Wait, considering that you are you, it was of course the very best comment ever.
@featherhead, thank you for your hard work in translating gibberish to English….I was obviously reading Candice’s sentiments incorrectly, and am so glad to see that there was actually no psychotic ill will expressed.
OMG Candice, seriously? I was totally wrong – YOU ARE THE MORON OF THE FAMILY. Do you even read what you write? It’s not a matter of spell-check, your sentences don’t even make sense. Call Upstairs Hollywood College and ask for your money back. They owe you bigtime.
Oh, and WELCOME BACK! Coochwaffle.
@candy-ass – I counted 28 spelling and grammar errors NOT counting lack of paragraphs! OH MY GOD, you can’t even write a fucking sentence. You kid is blah looking and autistic, get the little shit some help! BTW, your husband is wound so tight he’s probably fucking your BFF, so concentrate on your marriage instead of training your brat for her future career stripping!!!!!!!
Dear Candice Thanks for pointing out to me just how stoopid I am. I thought I was chubby, but your ability to tell how fat I am via television is truly a spectacular talent. My small black cold heart is warmed a bit by your revelation that I have no degress also. I will ask my boss to take away my pay, so that I qualify for welfare. I never thought it possible again thanks for enlightening me. I will stop kicking my cats long enough to beat my adult child, all the while bribing her with food and toys to make up for not letting her perform on stage enough as a child.
Thank you again. And may my blessings follow you as you paint, spackle, and parade your child around in search of praise.again, I am sorry I was not the mother of a perfect child, that honor is yours alone. I stand chastised.
I’ll have wut Candazz is having. I always wanted to know what it was like to trip, but was always too scurrd. I think I’m ready now.
You guys!!! You’re not going to get through to Candice by responding with well written and logically thought out statements. Don’t you get it?? She can’t possibly understand or comprehend such rationale! You gotta really dig in deep, commit to tossing grammar and intellect aside, and get down on her level. That’s right. You heard me, don’t bother with commas, periods, paragraphs— any response that caps at higher than a 3rd grade reading level is going to go over her head. Hellllo, she said her specialty was staged reality t.v. where people tell her what to say and what to do. Monkey see, monkey do. There’s no way we can expect her to fend for herself on a website of independent minds and thinkers!
Thanks, Crabby, for my new favorite word: Coochwaffle.
Sadly, Alexes (and her family) may be our future.
i am offended by the term coochwaffle, as my grandparents died in a german air raid.
Khandyysssseee,
Thanks for clarifying again that I am an uneducated idiot, despite the fact that I am currently enrolled in graduate school and I speak 6 languages. The university that you graduated from (I am guessing either Clown College or some crappy junior college in the middle of hick country) must be awful if they let someone with your awful grammar and spelling skills walk out with a degree. Kyandyihsz, your kid (who won’t get anywhere in life with a name so badly spelled) is a little brat. Maybe you should stop wasting time attacking people like us and go do some actual parenting (rewarding bad behavior with Build-a-Bears isn’t good parenting by the way), because your little snot-nosed brat is going to have problems if she continues to act like that. Your mean accusations, judgments and insults aren’t very Christian by the way so stop trying to force the bible on us. I found God by the way, although I don’t happen to be Christian. @ Featherhead We are seriously screwed if people like Kayhandycce and her rotten offspring are our future. Thank goodness there are some of us still out there with a working brain like S-Natch trying to save humanity from people like crazy Candazz.
“all of my radars are going and chilld going down my spin”
I don’t even have a college degree, but this definitely spells trouble. Or pedophile. Or pageant mom.
I read all of Khandize’s rant – no where in there was a rational coherent thought. I think I might be dumber now that I’ve read it.
If all of what she said was true, then that family needs to look into becoming actors on commercials, because their acting is AMAZING. If they can sell bribing their child with money, pizza and overpriced stuffed animals I would totally buy anything from their commercial – maybe they can be the new Forever Lazy family because that family had pretty good actors, too.
Her rant was funny the first time. Now its just sad and pathetic. If I was still a psychology major, I might still be interested in her delusional rants. But now I’m Art History major, and I’m bored with CkAnnDisez.
WOWWWWWW. As the old saying goes, “The Shit Doesn’t Fall Too Far From The Dog”…
DearCrabby??? Cooch Waffle?!?! lmbo..I’m DONE!
I don’t know which definition I like best:
1. A set of long stretched out vagina lips, that often belong to a woman with loose morals. It is often referred to as a camel toe. (Who Knew?)
2. A waffle like discharge that falls out of a crack-whore’s vagina when you punch her in the boobs. (Ummm..WHAT.The.Hell?? lmbo..who was the person that discovered this phenomenon?)
3. A crusty pair of underwear, caused by discharge drying onto them. (Ewww)
4. When a man attempts to dry out his moist grundle by blasting Gold Bonds medicated power into his humid pouch. The caked humidity is far often too great usually resulting in the thick crotch waffle falling out his short or pant leg.(Ummm..okay?)
5. Dried flattened pop that’s been trapped between your butt cheeks. (WTF?? Again, who discovered this & what exactly were they doing when they did?)
6. An old stinky, used douchebag (Fabulous!)
Which one do you think best describes Candass? Personally, I can justify using all of them to describe her…Now back to watch my new favorite show, Texas MultiMoms. Talk about Coochwaffles lol..if they would stop making me feel by talking about a baby needing surgery (again) & her being really scared, it would be the perfect addition to my trashy tv viewing!
Cayndyss, dear heart, please…you’re making my home town look bad. As a product of the Broken Arrown public school system, I feel qualified to speculate that you did not take advantage of the excellent AP english classes available at BAHS.
We CAN read, y’all!
@fancyface-I. Die! Oh fuckballs I am crying so bad that there are tears streaming down my face…my cats are like wtf crazy! Two got me, but so did 5…I still can’t stop laughing!! oh yeah, btw alisonzimmerman=thisbuggs4u. logged into facebook…I better watch out, the internet fbi might come lookin for me now…
Dear Candass – It’s Taekwondo, you stupid bitch.
Putting aside all the bad grammer and punctuation, the sad part is you continue to bring ridicule to your family because you can’t keep your mouth shut. Your dear child needs you in so many ways right now and you think the best thing for her is to spend time on the internet spewing? I know that you realize that Alexes is forever connected to your words on the screen in regards to her. The fact that you don’t care about the ramifications in the future is disturbing.
Everything you say will be reflected on her in the long run and you have said some pretty mean things to folks here. Regardless of who said what to you first, you are a Mother and should just stfu in deference to your kid.
You have admitted that you feel as though you were edited to look like a stupid ass, so what do you do? You come on here and prove that indeed, you are a stupid ass.
Wouldn’t it have been so much better if you had just made some fucking sense when you responded to the recap? Instead of calling everybody stupid, ugly and fat? Look, I know this is a snark site and we can get pretty nasty, but YOU put her on a reality show and YOU are the one that should represent her properly for any fall-out on the interwebs.
You have done a terrible diservice to your daughter. Not only does she have this terrible legacy of an illiterate mom on the internet; she can also see from the comments that you have made that you spend much more time asking us to believe that you have degree’s lying around the house and how unfat you are and how much time you don’t spend on the computer and how T&T edited you terribly, then spending the time to tell us how great your kid is. She will read that.
You no longer have the excuse that T&T edited you unfairly. You just lost that completely. I hope you realize it. After reading your posts here nobody will believe you. If anything, you have proved the editing to be spot on.
I don’t know how in the hell you are going to make this better. Because of what YOU did to your child, she is forever on the internet entwined with you and your gibberish.
You didn’t do what a mother does. T&T and the commenters here have nothing to be ashamed of. But you do. You really do.
Well said, @Robinez. Well said. Our job as parents is to protect our kids, not expose them on ational tv, and create Facebook fan pages that will haunt them the rest of their lives.
Tried to keep my rebuttal to one comment, but I am not known for my restraint.
Dear Candes – I have NO idea why you have chosen to single me out not once, but twice. I can only assume you harbor a deep, lustful girl-love for yours truly. However, I do not have a clue in Hell what you are talking about re: Facebook. I have never posted on your wall, nor do I care to. Careful – delusions of grandeur are a sign of psychosis.
As it so happens, my son IS ADD, and I am proud enough of him to admit it rather than lash out at people who are trying to help your kid by pointing out that she needs a professional evaluation to rule out anything that will cause her hardships later on.
I feel sorry for you. But mostly I am sorry for Alexes.
It’s a little hard to bring on the snark after your comment S-Natch because it was beautifully said. Well done as usual — natch
We can all see how “orud” you are of your fantastic son!
“i also hope you never touched them sexually because all of my radars are going and chilld going down my spin when I read your trash.”
WTF does a chilld going down my spin mean?? oh hell, never mind.
My radars are telling me something completely different.
@ Robin… FTW.
Thank you, Jesus, for sending Candice back to us.
Now Candice, I am sad and hurt by your remarks about my education and the size of my ass. I was orphaned as a young child and had to drop out of third grade. In order to survive I searched through dumpsters for anything I might be able to sell…old newspapers, bottles, ancient pottery sherds, and(if I was lucky)the occasional Little Debbie snack cake wrapper. As you can imagine, this did not provide me with enough money to ever return to school. So you see, not everyone can enjoy the luxury of an education, and I am quite sensitive about never having finished grade school.
As for my size, I do admit to having an extremely, extremely serious weight problem. I’ve had to be very creative in order to even have anything at all hanging in my closet. I go to WalMart and look for the largest size, and then buy two of everything. I then have to take them home and tear the seams out so I can sew the two outfits together, hiding the new seams with extra wide rickrack. I’m actually pretty darned proud that I even came up with such an awesome plan, but the point is that I’m tired of people like you making fun of me. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to go to WalMart and have them refuse to let you ride their shopping scooters? I blew out the tires a couple of times and now they have made sure that all the greeters have my picture so they’ll recognize me and keep me from getting one of those carts.
I don’t think you should make fun of me, because if I hadn’t had all that trauma from my early years I wouldn’t have developed an eating disorder. Something you said has caused me to relive one of my most traumatic memories. While I was dumpster diving one day I heard a big commotion. Looking around I saw a a friend of mine with a rake in his hand, and he was trying to fight this guy who was an expert in karate. The karate guy yelled, “A real man would just beat the shit out of someone in a fight not use arake!” and then he kicked the rake out of my friend’s hands and beat the shit out of him. So when you said those exact words it brought the whole scene back to me, and now I’m going to go eat a ham and a carton of ice cream. I blame you.
Ahhh CandAss. You must not have been able to log on to your Internet college class the night this phrase was discussed.
“Tis far better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
God bless you KzhandASS, for coming back to us – you made me laugh until I cried. Please, continue your delusional ranting, it makes me so happy to know that there is a college out there that grants degrees for those with your caliber of grammar and spelling skills! Finally, some hope for chimpanzees!!!
It is clear to me that, along with your incredibly poor grasp of both reality and the English language, you also haven’t got any idea about psychology, child labor laws, karate or anything you’ve ever mentioned in any of your posts. Truly saddening.
P.S. If Alexes only acted that way due to the producers telling her to, then why does she behave in the exact same manner in another episode where she is merely in the background for a few moments and not featured? Please explain, I’m dying to see how you attempt to talk (if your atrocious attempt at correct grammar can really be called talking) your way out of that one.
Ok so I read Candyass’ comment and all I really got from it was a stream of hate speech and then the message that god will forgive us. Let’s hope that he can forgive YOU.
@Alice – I…can’t…breathe! Your response has smote me much more quickly than the hand of God – I am DYING laughing!
All you Gasmii rock my world! XXOO
@alice that was the funniest thing I have read in a long time! I am a long-time reader of the Gasm and therefore have quite a tolerance to snark, well done!
Well, it took a while but SHE’S BAAAACK! (And no, Candace, I DO know how to spell…that purposeful misspelling was in reference to “The Shining” but you probably don’t know that because you’ve been so busy getting your 139 degrees to watch movies, right?) We should have been placing bets on how long it would take her to resurface with one of her illogial and illiterate rants. Good times!
@Alice, you comment has me snoting so hard my dog thinks I’m dying, best recap thread evah
Ha, oops mean snorting, snotting would be gross
Ah, thank you…what fun is it to come here and snark if you can’t make someone snort/snot? This is much more fun than my real job. And most of all, thank you Candice!
ALICE – you are amazing.
DearCrabby – Keep kicking ass.
S-Natch – I have lustful girl love for you!!
Khandassssssssss – My lowly BA of Pysch degree tells me that you are 1 – Living vicariously through your daughter, 2 – in complete denial, 3 – mentally unable to comprehend the English language, 4 – one tvgasm recap away from drowning an entire litter of puppies.
Thanks for the entertainment, y’all!!!
I’m trying to decide how much of a fat jealous loser I am, and since my OCD prefers lists over just thinking, I made myself some stats!
FAT: Does it count if I’m a fat kid on the inside? Cause I eat a lot but I just have one of those crazy fast metabolisms and I remain a skinny bitch. Maybe all the Little Debbie snack cakes this thread is making me crave will help a little with that.
JEALOUS: I assume this refers to my general ability to breed and be pretty? Well, I have no children, just dogs. If anyone wanted to parade my dogs around dressed as a couple of trollops I would run the fuck away, so I’m clearly a better parent than Kandys. Also, I’m way prettier than Kahndis, so SUCK IT.
LOSER: Is this about money and social life? Okay, well I live in a nice house in a good neighborhood. I drive a totally decent car, work a job I enjoy, have no credit card debt, and have a small but immensely enjoyable artistic career that takes up most of my free time. I don’t make anywhere near six figures, but I make more than I need to keep up on bills and afford to buy art supplies.
Also, I just have to defend S-Natch here for a second… So Candys is saying that she watches Karate (which, btw, is NOT the same thing as TaeKwonDo, as Karate is Japanese and TKD is Korean)on TV and **gasp** bases her opinions of what those guys are really like on what REALITY TV SHOWS HER???? But… But… Doesn’t she know about the editing? Where are all these “Real men” who beat people without using gardening instruments? S-Natch’s son is not a master raker, but I hear he spins a mean garden spade. You don’t wanna be on the business end of that thing.
DearCrabby & Flipit, can we have a commentgasm solely dedicated to Candass? I am obsessed with this woman’s lunacy! I can’t get enough.
There’s gotta be a school that teaches pageant moms to post these gorgeous rants. It’s like they’re templated. Just replace the retarded kid’s name and leave the cliched insults, the “God will forgive you but I won’t” hypocrisy, and the ironic accusations of everybody else’s idiocy.
I think the school is in a trailer park. Maybe it’s not a school at all–maybe it’s just a form tacked to the community bulletin board, where all the “lost cat” and “learn to play guitar!” flyers are posted.
I would just like to add that, as the wife of a 2nd degree black belt and mother of a brown belt in karate, I have never yet seen a rake, a hoe or a spade in the dojo. There are, however, plenty of real men and women there whom I would be happy to have with me if I ever found myself attacked by thugs in a dark alley!
And BTW, Alice, THANK YOU!
I saw a Jew, an Irishman, and the Pope in a dojo once…
Aha!! I have figured it out – all of you are in a conspiracy with Candass against me. I know ’cause you all are killing me!!! So funny!
I saw it mentioned in another thread that she was back, and she did not disappoint. But honestly the ‘gasmi are some funny ass mo-fo’s. You all just makes the last hour so damn entertaining and I cannot thank you enough!
Really, we should thank Candace. She’s the best straight man you could ask for.
I work with special needs children everyday, and Alexes shows classic signs of a child with autism. She is not a “brat” or a “monster”. Reading those things made me realize how oblivious some people are to these disabilities.
Hopefully somebody such as a teacher, or a physician, will be able to notice how different Alexes is, because he parents are completely blind to it.
I’ll be damned if someone is going to come into my home and tell me when my toddler can eat and when she can nap. Nothing is above your child’s welfare and well-being! No contract would allow you to give up your simple parental rights, you blithering idiot! Shame on you, you sorry excuse for a parent masquerading as your child’s protector! Your sorry-ass is the one responsible for putting that baby in this position. Shut your ass up and deal with the consequences you pathetic bitch!
@Tara – I could not agree with you more. In fact, I said exactly the same thing coming from the POV as a retired teacher. You see what I got from Candes. I am afraid any professional that dare mention this to her will be classified as a pedophile as well. Very sad.
@S-Natch
The mother is coming off as very imature, in my opinion. Its almost as if she’s ashamed of the possibility that her daughter may require special attention. It’s nothing to be ashamed of at all! I’m a therapist and I work with special needs children everyday, and I’ve counselled parents who have admitted to me that they’re ashamed that their child is different. It’s so sad. These children have feelings, and they can be the most affectionate I’ve ever seen. The kids that I work with are the the most wonderful in the world.
The mother seriously needs to take some advice from people who see this thing everyday, and know how to deal with it. Although some people here are being quite rude about Alexes, there’s those of us who aren’t oblivious to her differences. Some people are terrible.
Also, if she’s worried about not being able to put Alexes in any pagents if she’s ever diagnosed with a mental illness (not saying that she is, just that there are some crazy pagent moms out there), then she shouldn’t be. Special needs children can enter pagents, there’s just a certain criteria the judges will judge by. Certainly this would benefit Alexes.
Nobody should be ashamed of mental illness. Most people in the world today are affected by one. She needs to accept these possibilites and help Alexes to become all that she can be.
S-Natch, I would love to see a bigger copy of your profile pic….so cute!
Hey Candice, why do you keep saying mental illness and autism like they’re horrible things? Kids who are mentally ill or autistic can be wonderful, intelligent, loving, and yes, beautiful. Sounds like our favorite barely literate pageant mom is a bigoted little bitch to boot.
Ok guys..I have a confession im not really Candice/ Alexis mom! I just thought it would make you people go crazy if you thought she was posting on this site and I really wanted to see how a bunch of adults would act and respond and really wanted to make this a little more intersting. Which it did make you all go crazy. I can’t believe how stupid interet geeks are. Yes I may have mis spelled things and used poor grammer but man you all took the cake on stupidity. Do you people not have lives? LOL This was way too funny. I laughed so so much as Im just 18 and had you 40 and 50 year olds going crazy. Oh and retarded freaks and mental retarded people freak me out. They are freaky. This really made me laugh its so funny and I dont even know Candice or Alexis at all. I just had to make some stuff up and check out their facebook pages to get some info HAHAHAHAHAHAHA So this proves how smart you fat asses are and how you should all really get lives. I especially liked the Im a teacher,or Im a therapist and I work with retards daily. That almost killed me!! Plus Its funny how all of a sudden you all are doctors who diagnose people with being retarded. I love the show toddlers and tiaras and im only 18 and can tell its fully edited. Thats what i love about it as it shows crazy stuff and reality tv is not real so the idiot that posted that your stupid too. I mean its clear they cut the words and make them say different things. I was going to continue to be Candice for a few more days just to see how stupid you educated people with degrees are, but you never caught on and kept atttacking a fake Candice and her 3 year old. Oh and Snatch I meant that about the karate shit…its all the same and its for pussies. LOL Real men fight with fist they dont karate. Yoy say “I” singled you out but you have said the most sick stupid crap of all and were running your mouth. If you can dish it then you can take it. Which I really dont care as its not my child or me. I see why your calling Alexis retarded its because you were cursed with a reatard yourself and are jealous because your ugly kids couldnt do pageants. I figure since everyone is bashing everyone I might as well get a few things in as thats what educated people do right? I will start college next year and would love to avoid all collegs you guys attended so please list. Oh and its very easy to be Candice or whoever all you have to do is type whatever name you want and makeup an email address or copy the real one off facebook. Since you did upgrades you really should fix that too and make people acutally sign in. But on the bight side I helped you with your job and gave you something to write about. LOL Ok i have to stop as I am laughing uncontrolable and people are staring.
Get a life,
Mandy S.
The Alexes wheel spinning part had me in tears i was laughing so hard. I rewound it more times than i can count. So far that part and the Chooky moves frisky fingers (or whatever she called them) are the best scenes of this season. the face plants are in 2nd.
Whether you’re Kandi or Mandy, you’re still a troll. I have a bridge…not to sell but for you to reside under. And lucky for us, it doesn’t have wifi.
(Unfortunately for us, this basic bitch prolly has a Boost mobile and prepaid 3G.)
Although you say you don’t know Kandazz, Alecksis’ FB fan page still complained about TVGasm (saw it with mah own eyes) so you either know her mom or you are her mom. Either way, 18 years is old enough to know proper grammar. I took my SATs at sixteen. So when you say you’re going to college “Candace”, I must ask, “Devry or Education Connection?
@Candace, Please let me know which institution that accepted you so I can tell people not to go there. Based on your grammar there is no WAY you wrote an essay well enough to get into an accredited university.
Wait, this moron pretended to be someone else on a public forum and then tells US that WE need a life? ROFLMFAO!!!!! Oh my goodness, sweetheart, are you the pot or the kettle.
And I would like to add that you didn’t have us in a frenzy… you had us in hysterical laughter. And we got some great traditions out of it too like eating little debbies. So I guess I should say thanks for that! Oh, by the way, I think you are a fucking liar. Have a nice day!!!
@Classy – She is a Physical Therapy Assistant. So basically she went to a community college and got an associates or one of those places that advertise on the back of a match book and got a “certificate.”
Given that my six year old has better spelling, grammar, and punctuation than “Mandy” perhaps she would have been best to stay quiet and let us continue thinking she’s Candace rather than expose herself for the illiterate twit that she is. Going to college my ass…unless it’s to learn how to do peoples’ nails.
@HappyMom – check out my latest recap of Revenge when it is posted later today or tomorrow. I’ll put a big pic at the end just for you!
Regardless of whether you are Mandy S or Kandess, where are the paragraphs! Where? Let me guess. Over at “Klassy Airbrush Nail Art Kollege & Bait” they dont need no stinkin’ paragraphs?
But please, do enlighten us to the name of this college you are attending. My cat has been looking a little bored lately and I think having two “degress” might brighten his outlook a little. It’s clear he is already overqualified at this point.
I don’t buy it! That was/is Candyice, she simply realized how idiotic she looks so she is trying to blame it on an 18 year old. Note, she trying to stress how ‘illiterate’ the teen is by adding more misspellings and typos than before. To be honest I wrote with more ease at 18 than now…English and Grammar classes were fresh in my mind(would never abuse ellipsis the way I do now…oh how I love my dots). Are we to believe ‘Mandy’ you totally hijacked Alleexxeess’s facebook page and requested adults to report tvgasm to the internet ‘police’’FBI’’CIA’…whoever. I guess you were there for all of the ‘ailments’ Alleexxeess had during the filming of the show. I see you also accepted compliments and support from other parents, yet never disclosed your true identity to her supporters. You also being such a wonderful family friend never suggested to the family to not let Alleexxeess perform in the pageant due to her alleged ‘pneumonia’. I’ve tried to stay away from this…but Kandiss makes it so hard
No, it’s her…IP addresses don’t lie, Candy-Ass! Also, you spelled your fake email address wrong, it’s yahoo not yahho so we know it’s you given your penchant for butchering the English language. Isn’t there a pageant this weekend you should busying yourself with instead of defending your continued ignorance? Although damn, it is fun, isn’t it? I mean, for the Gasmii community. You are probably ready to stroke-out.
This is some progressively weird shit.
Exactly Moli! I have to admit that I used to be quite the little writer when I was in my late teens/early 20s. I had two essays in college win national competitions and was awarded a full scholarship to a very prestigious university due almost completely to the essay that I wrote (though I did have excellent grades, the essay was specifically mentioned to me). But now I write like crap because I get lazy. I definitely abuse ellipses. Like you said, I LOVE MY DOTS! And I dangle a participle out there sometimes. But I’m going to sit right here on my high horse on this recap because at least I can use basic grammar and spelling! So suck it, Candyass or Mandyass or whatever personality is in control today!
Candyass or Mandyass – LOL! I wonder if Sandyass is up next.
Mandy, Candi, Man-di, Candice, Candyass, bitch, trick, whore, dumbass, illiterate troll, fucking liar, delusional coochwaffle, or WHATEVER you want to call yourself…FOR THE LOVE OF ALEXESSESESS..LET IT GO. You are so outwitted by my fellow gasmi that you make yourself look dumber every time you try to ‘form words’! And the 18 year old ‘decoy’? The one that you made up by changing the C in your name to a M..you know..Mandy-Candy? Well, that’s just plain ole sad darling. Bless your uneducated heart. SAD HORNS
@Alice you made me ROFLMFAO even more than Candice did. Which means you should win an Ultimate Grand Supreme crown of Genuine Swarovski inspired acrylic crystals at least half as tall as you are.
@Candice Whenever you feel a “child go down your spin,” that is a sign that you forgot to remove your daughter before you put her costume in the clothes dryer.
I strongly urge you to go turn it off and get her out because it will mess up the spray tan you paid good money for. Plus it could melt her flipper.
This is just priceless. Khandhicqe is now pretending to be an 18 year old girl that pretended to be Candhize? I haven’t laughed this hard in quite a while. I keep seeing Wile E Coyote with an anvil dropping on his head from a plan go wrong.
Nice try, but maybe you should have said you were an 8 year old girl. I MIGHT have believed you just a smidge then. But really? Anyone with half a brain would have used a different pc/phone to post from. As Bugs Bunny always says, “What a maroon!”
fancyface…I tried to let the Candy/Mandy thing slip;(. Razzbeth, I think am 8 year old knows that you don’t obtain degress from college. Honestly I thought Flipit would fess up and say he was Khanydise when I read the first few words of the ‘confession’…possibly NWMTV
The crazy grammar matches the crazy grammar on the Facebook page and the same crazy rants. If its not Candice then I would guess its whoever runs the page.
If you read the page, they were so excited to have their episode air. She was posting back and forth with SamiJos page. Even after the episode aired they were happy. After they realized the interwebs didn’t like them they got defensive posting pictures on Facebook to “prove” that AlexEs is normal and things were staged.
I’m looking forward to seeing her on the Lisa Ling show that Candice swears will prove her daughters place in the pageant world.
If I was hell-bent on proving my pageant kid was free of genetic defects or cognitive shortfalls, I would definitely go to Lisa Ling. Well, I would if Ryan Seacrest and Guiliana Rancic weren’t available.
Candy-Mandy, that little CYA maneuver didn’t work out too well, did it? You have probably heard from friends or family who are shocked at your insane claims and attacks. We are all enjoying the spectacle, but you need to stop. The pageant world is evidently a fairly small one and I imagine that your rants have gone viral. You are going to find yourself increasingly isolated and judged, and your daughter will be teased for years. Please put your anger and hurt aside and think of her and the damage you are causing your family’s reputation, especially Alexes. You have provided us with a lot of fun, but it is getting disturbing. I doubt that your anger and resentment magically evaporate when you step away from the keyboard, and you must be miserable. Please go live your life, love your family, and good luck to you. If you come back here you are fair game.
Just parking this link here. It is the minicap for this but it isn’t tied to toddlers and tiaras. This saves having to look it up each time.
By the way, there is still stuff going on over there. Over 250 comments! lol
http://www.tvgasm.com/recaps/toddlers-tiaras-minicap-more-face-planting/?cp=all#comments
Mcandy, you are the Superman if disguises, terrible, just terrible.
Mandass @ comment 167, a couple of important things for you:
A. I am quite sure Education Connection is still open for enrollment. (You and Shannon Doherty should be fiiiiine.)
B. Everybody knows if you are still using the word ‘retard’ in this day and age you have not progressed past a 12 year’s ability to develop cognitive thinking skills which, is evident and sad.
Also, I for one am nowhere near 40 or 50 (not that there’s anything wrong with that). So, I have that going for me. Which is nice.
But, Mandass, I am NOT above your elemental wit and humor so, if you could please put and egg in your shoe and BEAT IT, we here at the Gasm can go back to our good old fashioned snark in peace. It’s really just good clean fun.
*Also leave S-Natch alone. I keep most things above board here but, (and this is not a threat) don’t push me. I will unleash a verbal jihad on your Candy ass the likes of which you’ve never seen before….Bless your heart.
Now shoo!
@Gypsy – Thanks!
J’adore Gasmii!
Doesn’t this Candice have anything else to do than bother y’all on the ‘Gasm? I mean seriously. Yes, we are all fat, stupid, lazy and jealous. Um, last I checked, Free Speech was a right that encompassed EVERYBODY, not just those with poor grammar skills and an entitled attitude. Sheesh, this show makes me glad I had sons instead of daughters.
Any time S-Natch, we all need to look out for our own.
Also, please know that I am well aware you can speak for yourself, and, do it without any intervention but, enough is enough. This woman is psychotic and it’s getting old, weird, and boring and sad (at least for me) at this point.
Just sayin’.
XO Gasmii rule!!!
I have a few simple questions for the individuals of tvgasm. Why are grown adults bashing a three year old child and spending hours obsessing about this family? Do you all think it is time to move on and get a life? I can’t stomach the fact that you all think it is funny or entertaining to say this child is autistic or has other issues. I can not imagine any of you being mothers or fathers; as no one in their right mind would ever say such fowl things about a baby. She is still a baby! Three year olds are still leaning how to comunicate and develop, and I do not think a TV show that is strongly edited to make people look bad for ratings is a way to judge any child at all.
I agree with it getting sad. I’m starting to feel sorry for her.
it’s only sad b/c she isn’t claiming her crazy like she was at first. Back pedaling is never cute.
Samantha you ignorant slut…YOU are coming from the same IP address as Candy-Ass (and Mandy-Ass!), so please don’t act like you are an outsider on this. Maybe you should ask Candy-Ass (since she’s probably sitting right next to you) why SHE is obsessing about this! Most of us have followed this site for YEARS so when fresh (or in this case, stupid) meat shows up, we’re going to feast. If you want this to really stop, STOP COMMENTING! Jesus, there have already been two shows since yours aired – let’s ALL move on!
But kudos to your ability in finding the spell-check. Can you show Candy and Mandy?
Hugs!
@samantha, take it up with Flipit or DearCrabby. Or, like Howard Stern says: “Change the channel if you don’t like it.”
It’s creatons like you who have no concept of reality, that bring our mean education level in America down to that of an 8th grader. Why don’t YOU stop wasting your time and ours, and go back to your small minded home with your small minded family in your small minded neighborhood where you all (ya’ll) moved; exactly one block over from where you grew up, so you can continue to perpetuate your small mindedness in concentric circles of oblivion.
It matters not what we say here in virtual reality, more than what you create in real life that is important. Thinking that spewing hate and ignorance at a group of people who are here to snark (also known as, joke) about things that are so far removed from their own reality, but not your reality, and not understanding that there is a difference, is the true crime here. Not the name calling, not the insult hurling, not the insistence to repent. NO, it’s the continued delusion that you are all (ya’ll) are ‘right’ where there’s not ‘right’ to be had that is far more disturbing than anything posted here.
Two wrongs don’t make a right sister and I know that you can’t fight crazy, so I’ll stop here.
But seriously, don’t put your kids on TV for mass fodder or, just plain own it. You cannot have your cake and eat it too (unless it’s a Hostess brand).
teehee@dearcrabby
When she came back the first time on this thread (and the Almighty spake) the time stamp is midnight, but she is on CST, so it was 2am for her. I saw it and immediately wondered if she had been on a slow boil all those days, waited until her husband was asleep, and then let loose with her verbal diarrhea. I was awake also because I was where I have often been for months, in my father’s hospital room, and it was a bit surreal, especially when God replied. As much fun as it has been, it is starting to remind me of that old quote about refusing to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
Don’t you worry, S-Natch. If you need us girls, I’ll be there with the Vaseline and straight razors!
And Candyass, Mandyass and Sammyass can call kiss myass!
Dearcrabby I feel sorry for people like you! I mean really are you this misserable that you get aroused by bashing children? I seriosuly wonder what you will be blessed with. I would think about that long and hard as what goes around comes around. Saying a child is autistic and mentally ill will normally bring that horrible situation in your home. You may not even be able to have children….which would be a blessing. I thought I should defend the family as you guys are bulllying them and trash talking their child. Can you tell me ONE mother who woldn’t be upset and sickened by reading this garbage? Please name one mother who wants to see this about their baby! Anyone with any amount of intelligence would not sit on this website all day and post, fight back and fourth, and post gross things. I do find it funny that you idiots spent your holidays on this site waiting for a fake Candace to reply and fight with you all. My friends and I thought it would be funny to see if you all were that stupid after all the Im a doctor, Im a pediatric specialist, I am a teacher. Non of those professional people would post this type of garbage especially about an innocent child. Only fat losers with out lives would spend day and night on this trash site. There were five of us posting things on our Christmas break just for a little fun, but I think it was taken too far. I do want to apploigize to the family for all of us we were messing around and did not want to make them look stupid. It was just a little harmless fun with you all since the owner said it is just a joke site and we thought we would make it interesting since dearcrabby failed to do that!! All you are doing is being sick and nasty. Try some real humor. I can not wait for you to post about last nights episode. I bet Alana’s mom carried around the bat for a warning to you. So seriously get over it and understand we were just having fun. Yes its all the same IP address as there were more than one of us posting. Since we have lives we couldn’t spend 24/7 on here fighting with you all. We actually enjoyed our families over the holidays. By the way we can actually spell and are not even from Oklahoma so who ever from Borken Arrow that said that is stupid. Someone from a hillbilly town trying to look cool. Fail!!! We spelled things wrong on purpose. We were just having teeager fun. You allow it so put your big girl panties on and get over it.
@Samantha, bullshit.
Go back to your hen house and have another bottle of Romona Singer Pinot Grigio you crazy bitches. You better hope Napoleon and Snowball don’t find out about this.
Dear CanManTha,
You know what an IP address is, right? And what that implies? That “all” of you were using the same computer. See how that works?
For someone with a busy, fulfilled life, you sure went to alot of effort to make those “deliberate” mistakes…kudos for finding the time!
Not from Oklahoma, my ass…
Much love,
A Proud Okie Who Hails From Broken Arrow And Understands Paragraphs And Punctuation And How The Interwebs Work Who Also Has Three Kids Whom She Would Never, Ever Dream Of Subjecting To Reality Television
Someone ought to buy these kids a return/enter key. We can have a telethon or something like that. Maybe a charity 5k?
@samantha – true, I am miSSerable. And you are right, I should apologize…Alexeseses isn’t mentally challenged or autistic, she’s just plain stupid. Apple/tree. My bad.
The minicap is up for the latest show if anyone needs some quiet time!
http://www.tvgasm.com/recaps/toddlers_and_ti/toddlers-tiaras-minicap-honey-boo-boo-child/
@ Gypsy ‘small mindedness in concentric circles of oblivion’ – fucking brilliant!
@samantha/mandy/candy – for fucks sake, learn what a god damn paragraph is if you want anyone to attempt to read your nonsensical drivel. And even if you are able to figure that one out, I can’t be bothered.
Hey, Samandeces. Would you mind reposting that in caps? I don’t have time to read it in lower case. Thanks.
“Can you tell me ONE mother who woldn’t be upset and sickened by reading this garbage?”
Mother Teresa. Because she had a sense of humor.
love, J-Mo
Dear Samantha aka Mandy aka Candice,
It’s really time for you to stop. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a free show as much as anyone these days, and you’ve put on quite the performance, on and off air!
But here’s the deal, the great folks here at the ‘gasm will never stop. We are relentless. And furthermore, we will always win. Why? Because while it is a hobby, pastime, and escape from reality for us to poke fun and prod the asshats who exploit themselves on t.v., BUT, this is actually your life.
Yes, it’s time to take responsibility. You have a child. Start paying attention to her. You’ve already embarrassed yourself and your family enough. I’d ask if you have no shame, but since you’ve already done reality t.v… I think we all know the answer to that.
I actually feel quite sorry for you. You envisioned fame and put your child up for fodder at the first chance for money and appearances, and now you’ve had to learn your lesson the hard way.
It’s time to find whatever dignity you have left and bow out.
No amount of illiterate, fake responses can get you out of the hole you’ve dug for yourself, but you can at least take this opportunity to remember that you are the one responsible for how your child will deal with the after effects of this show.
Start being a real mom. Stop spending hours making up countless fake personas to defend your disgusting actions. Your child needs a mother and your rants are getting old.
The Internet Crime Division had just busted through my roof and were getting all tuned up to measure me for my orange jumpsuit.
But then they saw comment 202 and stomped off because any time you put 5 18 yr olds together around a computer with nothing else to do, they’re either going to play video games or have cybersex on IRC.
I’m off to read a book now.
I do love a nice clean paragraph break.
@nwmtv… LOL. ditto. My phone, however, begs to differ.
The idiot from Broken Arrow missed the part where I said there are 5 of us that are poting so no shit it is the same fucking IP address. Now you just proved how fucking smart you are and how well that Broken Arrow education did you. I am not Candice and have already told you fucks that but clearly you are all so embarassed to admit you were so shallow you want to continue to say get a life blah blah blah. Ok now I feel you should all go be real parents because the advice you are giving is crazy. You are on here for hours bashing kids and ignoring your kids but thats ok i guess!! Seriously head to the doctor I think you have all run out of meds. Oh and Broken Arrow mom of three yes this will show the same IP address again as were are all still using one computer as I stated before. This is no longer fun because all you are patheitc. I have never in my life laughed so so so much!!!!
You guys are wasting all of your time obsessing over this family. Really its so pathetic. You guys are still giving them a ton of publicity and thier show aired 2 weeks ago. So really I wonder do you all have jobs or lives or something to do????
Go Tigers/Broken Arrow mom is too funny!!! You have a ton of mistakes in you little paragraph stupid. You just proved how true it is you are from Oklahoma. Worry about yourself and not about other people. See thats how you can tell when someone is misserable or lacking in their life. I guess your husband is getting it somewhere els or you would not be on here talking crap. Too funny
Perhaps this explains your lack of common skills, such as reading, writing and a basic grasp of the English language…you were laughing too hard!
Bless your little ignorant heart…
Oh, sweetie. I appreciate your concern.
PS
There is only one “s” in miserable.
Go Tigers..Im guessing you have fat ugly kids?? OR maby autistic ones so you need to get your digs in. Like I said say what you want as it doesnt bother me as I am not Candace or Alexes mom so it does not offend me. LOL but not one of you people can stop fighting with a tennager and go take care of your kids. Thats the funny part, as I have all of your panties in a wad. I bet you were picked on as a child. HAHAHA
Like we have said it was fun over Christmas break when school was out and we were all here together as friends are but now school is back in session and I can’t play games anymore. I want to thank everyone for the fun and pleasure you allowed us.
I do have to admit the ones of you who are stalkers really freak me out as you went to alot of trouble to look them up and search for them and investigate them for no reason. I mean really…freaky. snooty britches is the worse. You are all kinds of messed up and really need some meds. You wasted so much of your time worrying yourself over them. Get a life, Get a life…Honey
So we are the ones who are obsessing but you just posted six comments in a row? You are one crazy bitch, Candice. Go hug your kid, for heaven’s sake. I’m sure she needs it. Then again, you seem like you are frothing at the mouth so maybe you shouldn’t go near her. That poor girl doesn’t need any more negative experiences from you.
I love that a schizophrenic is telling us to get a life. Please come back and play soon!
Get a life, says Candice…the person who posted three incomprehensible little diatribes in a row.
I’d tell you to look up the word irony, but I have a sneaking suspicion you have an aversion to dictionaries…or, apparently, book learnin’ of any kind.
I know, Captain, I am embarrassed for her. I know we joke about a lot of stuff. But I could never imagine publicly telling people that you hope that they are infertile or that you hope their kids have autism. What sort of monster asshole says stuff like that? At least this time she didn’t follow up her hate speech with a bible quote.
@ Snootchy… the day is still young! No way she doesn’t take the bait
The day is super young for me. 00:14 to be exact.
And to steal a word from Brandi: “It is time for bed, Kittycats.”
I can’t wait to read the fallout in the morning! Night!
Wow! Last night there were only about 170 comments. I’ve not had time to peruse them all yet, but oh I can not wait! I’ve only been reading Crabby for a few weeks, but I must say I am HOOKED. For the record I am also in the “Childless with Dogs Club”. Nice to meet you all! Erm, unless Khandass has made an appearance here…then maybe not-so-nice (although I would be delighted with more fun, uneducated name calling crazy)! Here I go…I’m about to read every damn comment and enjoy the hell out of it!
I think Amy may stop having hope after she gets through all the crazeballness. lol
@go tigers, you have our permission to go “Oklahoma on her ass”! And captain-save-a-ho for the win!!!
I love this site and all the gasm commenters.
Candace – my son has Asberger’s Syndrome (a form of Autism) and it was a very rough road before he was correctly diagnosed in 4th grade. Once we knew, it was still difficult but there was hope and progress and he got so much better. He’s 19 now and a wonderful human being with a quirky side. Think a milder version of Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.
Prove Us Wrong – get Alexes tested and then you can brag to the world how normal she is.
forfuckssake! My damn head hurts from all this CanManSam bullshit! I hope that Karma comes back and bites you in your ass because I cannot have children. I may come on here and snark about this train wreck of a show. I I know for damn sure that I DO NOT make fun of these children. I make fun of you mothers that do this to their poor babies when we as viewers can see that your children are not having fun. Now with that said, IF I were to EVER put my child in a pagaent, and I never fucking ever will, and someone pointed out to me that my child is showing signs of having a problem, I would take said child to the DR asap. It would also be for free cause you know my husband gets goverment checks for keeping your ass safe while he is off defending our country!! I
@DC I got your back, I can’t wait to read the full recap of lastnights show. I don’t think I have ever laughed my ass off so much at a T&T episode.
@Snootchy- me thinks Samantha has problems telling the difference between paragraphs and posts. It’s hard, ya’ll!! And totally agree about the schizophrenic tendencies that Can/Man/Sam is displaying. It must be so crowded up in her noggin.
@zerocool – not sure if you watched Community (it’s on hiatus thanks to those dumbasses at NBC), but one of the characters on the show has Asberger’s and he’s one of the best characters on there! He’s just like everyone else but with “quirks” like you said your son has – that’s what makes him such an interesting and insightful character!
Thanks again, everyone for posting – except you cray-cray bitches. Yeesh.
@captain…LOL. However, I haven’t said what I have hope FOR, have I? I have hope for snark, sarcasm, laughing ’til I shoot Coke out of my nose, crazy-ass pageant mom rants, and more snark and sarcasm. I believe by the time I get done reading this thread that all of my “hopes” will come true
My Asberger’s students were always my favorites! @zerocool – you are obviously an awesome, loving, and caring mom who accepts her child for exactly what he is. I am certain is he fabulous!
Looks like the hate patrol has widened their nets. Don’t worry, y’all I’ve got your back AND a truckload of extra large Oatmeal Creme Pies!
I agree with lots of you, though. Time to let this sleeping lie (in every sense of the word!)
*sleeping DOG – oops! Candes must be getting to me!
I am home sick with the flu. Thanks to everyone who made my day a lot more interesting.
Candice, autism is nothing to be ashamed of, and getting appropriate therapy early can make a huge difference. And the public schools provide this for free to preschoolers. Or at least they do in WA and CA. Please look into it.
@Snootchy — she called you Snooty Britches. Hehehehe.
LOL what a bunch of characters. You are literally harrassing and bashing a child and then have the nerve to say how dare “Candice” say such things back to you people but its ok for you all to say she is retarded, stupid, a bitch, wish death threats on a child, and a serial killer. Are you delusional or just a hypocrite? It is so funny for each and everyone of you all to bash this family and call their 3 year old sick things but when anyone says anything back to you all its unbelieveable and shocking? Snatch really get a life and quite posting. You are too obsessed. We have explained time and time again we are not Candice. You can address me by my name as Im not spineless and will tell you who I am….Samantha Reins…..I was simply having fun but now am posting back because I think you all have serious mental issues. This is not Dr. Phil no one cares about your autistic kids so stop with the life stories it is only making me laugh harder. Their are a ton of symptoms of autism and clearly none of you knwow what they are. Just because a kid has an imagination or plays pretend at 3 does not make them retarded. I can not understand your logic behind any of this nonsense besides pure evil and hate. I do believe in God and find it comforting to know he is in my life, but you sick freaks wishing death on a child and calling her retarded seriosuly thinks that wont come back to bite you in the ass?? Karma is a bitch…so keep talking shit and keep name calling because God sees all. I have not ever seen grown adults talk about a child this way and it is really distrurbing. I have asked why you find it your business to bash her and say sick things but not one of you pieces of trash can give a reason. So I am guessing you think your behavior is ok. So please remember this when something happens in your life and you wonder why. Remember you called a baby horrible things and talked about killing her. It is so funny you make threats and say crap behind a computer thats called a coward!!!!! I guess you all are karate experts. LMAO….It is so funny you can all dish it but can not take it and have to have your friends hop on and defend you and have your back. Hello you are on a computer talking trash so yes people will say stuff back to you. Why is that hard to believe???? I have appoligized for all of us pretending to be Candice and just playing around but it was innocent fun as you all said this site is clean fun so why are we being attacked for playing back? Our post did not have to be posted if the writer did not want too but we were only having fun with you all. It is not personal it is just life. If you post on a internet site be prepared for people to post back. Freedom of speech does not only apply to tv gams people. Please stop attacking me and my friends we are kids that wanted to have fun and did not know this would get out of hand and start a war. We stumbled on this site by accident after watching t n t and searched for their facebooks and thought we would play around. The owner said this is a TOTAL JOKE site and thats it so I cant understand why everyone took things so personal and freaked out???? When I seen all the nasty things dearcrabby posted I thougth it was ok to “JOKE” too. I have explained myself to the fullest and apploigized for pretending to be Candice so please stop.. FYI you keep saying my friends and I are lying but it isnt hard to pretend to be someone when all their info is on a facebook to read. I am really not Candice and feel bad for even sayig I am as I feel I made this whole situation worse. I will be personally appoligizing to her on facebook! We are not trying to be nasty we were just joking and having fun too.
The only thing I am not joking about is the part where I think it is sick to bash a child. I would not ever do that to any child no matter what. I think kids should be off limits but that is just my thoughts. You have to know saying a kid is autistic is an insult and saying she is not right. I do not have kids but am smart enough to know once a year pediatricians evaluate each and every child to check for developmental issues and I know autistic kids have similar face features and are easy to tell, also schools have people come into the schools and evaluate the kids too so they would know if she had something wrong it would not be missed. I have a younger sister and brother and every year this happens at our school so I am sure it happens every where else too. So you all know you were it was not caring advice you were being malicious and cruel and i could spot it a mile away which is another reason we wanted to defend them with a little fun mixed in. We just felt their was a ton of stupidity going on here and wanted to join in.
Oh, honey, you’re confusing autism with Down’s Syndrome. You can’t tell a child is autistic just by looking at him.
Aren’t you done yet? You are, as you so rightly said, just making things worse for yourself–and your daughter–every time you post.
POOPIE PANTS!
@Samantha are you really that fucking stupid???? Calling someone autistic is not an insult. Albert Einstein had Aspergers which is a form of autism. Other famous people who happen to be autistic include Daryl Hannah and Bill Gates. My daughter competes against a little girl with aspergers and when this girl is on she is ultimate grand nacho supreme with extra cheese unbeatable. When she’s off she looks exactly like Alexes did on stage with no personality and a deer in the headlights.
You would be very lucky and blessed if Alexes is autistic because it would mean that you aren’t a crappy ass parent with a bratty kid. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Dear Rob what am I allowing myself to fall into?
Samantha/Mandy/Candice – You claim you are not Candice and yet twice you mention that you spoke to the owner of the site – once while commenting on the mini-cap and once in comment # 242. If you are just “teenagers playing around with people on the internet”, why would you have gone so far as to email the “owner” of the site about the atrocities being committed against a child that is not yours? And why would you quote said email? I think your veil is slipping.
Just an FYI, having autism does not mean a child is stupid. If in the future, your child is discovered to have autism she will be smart enough to figure out that the uneducated diatribes and the resulting backpedaling all came from Mommy. How awful for her.
Grow up and stop this nonsense. You are no longer funny, but quite abhorrent. I suggest talking to your pastor/minister/priest about your need to lash out at others while using God. It isn’t healthy and it will only buy you a condo in Hell.
Also, because I believe in education I am linking to dictionary.com in case any of my larger words trip you up.
http://dictionary.reference.com/
Good luck in life.
PBD.
Er post #45 of 242. Dammit the dumb is catching. I must not be wearing my coat.
Ignore my last post. I really need to put on a coat.
I like how “Samantha” said that she deliberately included spelling and grammatical errors in her first posts to make the more believable/make Candace look bad, but then once she “revealed” herself as an educated, college-bound 18 year old the same mistakes were still there!
I don’t know if she is Candace or not, but I will say to her that if you truly did all of this for a joke it is YOU who has the most shame, for you have made the family look like unintelligent, raging lunatics. No amount of apologies to the family will ever be able to take away what you have written on this forum, and nobody will ever be able to prove without a doubt that you weren’t Candace. Maybe you should have thought of the repercussions before you started posting. For the record, I never say anything cruel about the kids (thought I will often speak the truth – sorry in advance to next week’s recap including Alana!) just the idiot parents who set themselves up for criticisms.
Even if you aren’t Candes (which I doubt), you have stated that you are 18 so you are not a “kid.” You are legally an adult and, like me, have as much of a right to post here as I do. Unlike you, I do not throw people under buses and I stand up for what’s right. I support any parent coming on here and being forthright about their children, and I will not sit idly by while people who have supported me are being bashed. You will not intimidate me into silence, especially since you have once again proven yourself an ignorant ass when you say that all people with autism have similar facial features. Read up on what you are ranting about before you start your diatribes – it only makes you look worse.
Well said S-Natch and might I add I agree that if I were (never on your life) a pageant mom and someone had posted that my child might have Aspberger’s syndrome, I would be racing to the MD. Its backwards thinking that having a child who is Autistic is something to be ashamed.
How the Hell did I miss this? I really need to cut down on the drinking and start paying attention to shit.
@ CanManSam, may I ask why “fat” has become the ultimate insult? Fat people can lose weight therefore fixing their problem, unfortunately your ignorance will be around forever.
I don’t believe it for a second… but IF “Samantha” is pretending to be Candice, she sure went to a lot of trouble to find out actual facts about her life. For example, she mentioned she had a “medical degree” and Candice is a Physical Therapy Assistant. She has said some of the exact same things (with the exact same misspellings) as on Alexes’ Facebook page too. So before you decided to “pretend” to be Candice, you stalked her? Please go to a therapist and get some help. People with your kind of issues can be helped with therapy and medication. Please do it now before it continues to affect you and those around you. Hmm.. now that you mention it. Are all of these “friends” that are writing from the same computer all in your head? Not sure medication can stop the voices, but it might make them whisper instead of shout.
Off topic – just wanted to say hi to my pal Pearl.
Hi!!!
The only reason I shared my son’s story was in the hopes that Candace would realize the sooner it’s diagnosed, the easier life becomes because the treatments and parenting skills can be tailored to Alexes. There’s no way her life will get better until her parents realize how to change their reactions and discipline to suit her needs. Some of the tricks are very easy and it was amazing the difference and peacefulness that came over our family, in a relatively short amount of time.
And it’s true teachers and doctors/nurses might figure it out, but it’s 100 times better if the PARENT does something.
@ S-Natch thanks for the kind words.
@ dearcrabby – Abed could be my son’s twin, if mixed with Sheldon and Axel from The Middle. (LOL at all my tv references, I watch way too much). Community is one or our favorite shows and yes – NBC is full of dumbasses for taking it off the air. I didn’t bring it up because honestly, I thought it was too high-brow for Candice and her level of intelligence wouldn’t be able to understand it. Big Bang Theory was already a stretch for her.
Let’s just stop feeding this monster, huh? Everybody knows how trolls work, and it’s clear that this one isn’t particularly bright or even entertaining. Don’t keep wasting your time.
This shit is still going on? ENOUGH! ENOUGH!
If I hear ONE more freaking so-called Christian talk about karma again I am going to, what was it? Spit violent gestures? LOL. Seriously, though, how can someone that professes to be a person of God dare talk about karma? That belongs to us pagan folk (and yes Candmantha “us” is the correct usage here). Christians please leave it alone. Thank you. Rant over and I promise I will not keep this very long thread going as long as there is no more Christian/karma speak
Off topic – Hi Clair! You look fabulous today!
This thread is turning into a full-time job.
I am wading my way through post #113, but it is such an illiterate mess, I need to go get a drink. Something alcoholic might make it easier to understand. Or not, but it won’t matter anymore.
Candeese is a loon.
Okay. In between bouts of hysterical laughter, I reached several conclussions.
First, I know “bouts of hysterical laughter” is a big concept, so let me use something smaller which will allow Kandyees to keep up. It means I laughed a lot several times.
Second, at the same time Kcandeez is complaining about people calling her daughter names, she is insulting autistic children by terming them to be “retarded.” Autism is not necessarily indicative of lower intellect. (For Candisse, this means autistic kids aren’t always “dumb.”) Andy, by the way, calling a mentally challenged child “retarded” is not nice, Kkandddeeez.
Third, Ckannddees disavows that her golden child has any kind of “deficiency,” including autism. (Khandisz, I’m saying you claim Alexxxxeeesiiis is perfect, and there’s nothing “wrong” with her.)
One must then conclude, if Allllexxxeeesess is not in any way autistic, then she must indeed be a monster and/or a brat, and in all likelihood got that way through abhorrent parenting. (Meaning if Aaaalexxxxessses isn’t dumb, then your piss poor parenting turned her into a nasty badly behaved demon.)
“Candyass or Mandyass – LOL! I wonder if Sandyass is up next.”
I suspect Brandyass is another personality. That would certainly the inability to type a literate thought.
And “samantha” can claim there are five different people contributing to her ranting, but all five seem to have the EXACT SAME LACK OF STYLE OF WRITING AND SPEECH, AND ABSENCE OF INTELLECT. I propose, to keep things in line, we call her samanthass.
AmyHasHope…real Christians don’t talk about “karma.” That is not a Christian concept, and that isn’t something the God we believe in would do. Remember…just because someone claims to be a Christian, it doesn’t mean they are. Kind of like claiming to be college edjucayted ***cough***Kandeees***coughcough***
Sorry for the multiple posts. I was out of town with no Internet access for a week, and am trying to get caught up.
@cattyfan, while you were translating English to dumbass for the educationally impaired, you should have explained what an IP address is also. Cause you know how difficult technical issues can be. I personally think of she who I won’t name as Sybil.
I always cringe when the word “retarded” is thrown around, referring to the mentally challenged. (I don’t usually use PC terms. This, for me, is an exception.)
Shortly after I finished with the comments on this thread, I just happened to read this article:
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/01/07/my-brothers-valuable-life/
I’m not a Cal Thomas fan, but this column isn’t conservative or liberal. It’s just the view of a loving brother.
Oh…and I think TVGasm should create an English to Dumbass dictionary. Maybe that can be our 2012 project.
@samantha – It’s not only fat losers that like to read this stuff – it’s people with a JOB and internet too – I know you don’t know many people like that. Your family and friends with jobs work with a deep fryer.
Candace…your daughter appears to be autistic. Get her some help. Get her OUT of pageants. I have two autistic nephews, I recognize the signs. It doesn’t mean your daughter is bad or flawed. It just means that she needs a different sort of attention than other kids. Do yourself AND her a favor…stop pretending she is like other kids and get her some appropriate help. It will be the BEST thing for her.
(sorry, “Candice”)
Just catching the halloween bash episode on re-run again and Alexes is on-stage, screaming she’s scared, then crawling around all over the stage. After winning princess, she crawled off the stage while the 2 little girls in her division just stood there and watched her. Then she crawls all the way across the stage and they show someone standing there at the steps talking to her, probably trying to get her to go back on-stage. There is no doubt in my mind that after seeing this episode, and the halloween bash re-run that Alexes is most likely autistic or something. Please Candace, get her some help. She’s cute but something is really, really wrong with her.
Holy Crap!! I was just watching a rerun of T&T and Alex-es was in the Halloween pageant. Haha…she did the same taking a crap squat during beauty then during crowing was screaming and crawling across the stage! Oh wait…TLC must have told her to do that!
Wow I just found this episode online and I am so excited to finally see it. I haven’t read all of Candaces rants because they are sooo looong and there are sooo many of them. But firstly, what the heck is a lingerie football team and why would anyone’s hubby think that was something he wanted to see his wife doing. Although, I don’t think it matters because the writing is on the wall – SamiJo’s dad is going to add up all the money spent and there will be a huge fight and either the pageants will go or he will. Did it occur to you to try the outfit on Sami-Jo before the pageant? Have you tried walking with a hoop? Don’t expect your 2 year old to get up on a stage and walk properly without practising.
Candace – Sandy is Australian – Alexes should have been disqualified for not being an American character. You are the worst example of a parent I have ever seen. You are the reason parents should have a license. I feel so sorry for Alexses who is going to grow up wondering why she has no friends and why she is not invited to parties. Her teachers and any adult who has the misfortune to be in charge of her will really hate you for what you are doing to her. If you want to get your face on TV try out for Supernanny at least that way you may learn some parenting skills! Try using a word that Alexses can use really well- NO NO to build a bear, NO to Chucky cheese, NO to going to movies. There is no way you can blame editing. I have worked in movies and tv and even the crew are not allowed to work more than 6 hours without a meal break. (Food supplied as well) I’m sure you have unions in America like we do. If you don’t like my comments feel free to hop on a plane for 24 hours and then drive 3 hours to discuss them with me. We could also compare degrees while I show you around but don’t expect to see WalMart – we don’t even have a KMart. Better still just send Alexses. She could have a life of no pageants, boundaries, learning manners and realising that the world does not revolve around her.
On a positive note Annabella is so like one of my former singing students who was over the top and although not a great singer won every talent quest she entered by the force of her personality. There were tears during lessons (mostly from me) but she kept me entertained. I was sure she would win Australian Idol but she had twins instead who both have her personality. Annabella will do well in whatever she does and will run her high school.
BLUEDOG (I have learnt my real name comes up because I comment through facebook. FanAnn if you are reading this please say hello. I would really like to know how you are,)
It is a cloudy day here in Cleveland but Dear Crabby just sent a shaft of sunlight my way with this recap. You are damn funny. Thank you.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, Oh I cannot BELIEVE this. I have been reading through all of these recaps, and I get to this one and realize that horrid Candice lady lives in MY OLD HOUSE. Yeah, seriously, she bought the house from my ex-husband, and all of the house shots are terribly bizarro-world for me.
Who knew how T&T and TVGasm would intersect with my life? I stopped watching T&T after I found your lovely and snarky recaps, as they provided me more lulz with less pain than watching the actual show. The house thing is bizarre, I just wanted to mention that before I go back and read all the comments, SIX PAGES?! Wow! I guess everyone’s prayers for another comment war were answered! (Because God has time for that whilst he’s ignoring the wars and poverty in “them heathen countries”).
Ah, no, on closer inspection this has an upstairs, I believe. Otherwise it’s the exact same floor plan, color scheme, and tile type, and the bathroom option is identical – meaning it’s definitely from the same housing edition in Broken Arrow. Still, crazy!
I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned that before, I skipped reading comments after a while.
But am I the only one that actually sees that Alexes probably has a mental disfunction? She is way behind her age, has speaking problems and concentration problems. She isn’t really under control of her body and acts aggressively (because not understanding what’s going on around her) which are also signs for a disfunction.
But what was REALLY spotting it out was her fascination of the moving spiral.
If that would’ve been a german TV Show (I’m from Germany) I would’ve called the Youth Care to take over that problem. Besides violating her into peagant shows and actually abusing her (did you ever see a child that actually runs AWAY from her parents to seek security? Normally they run TOWARDS them) she needs proper treatment to regain social skills and to make her ‘able to live’ as an adult. There is some serious damage done here and -sorry- has nothing to do with being a brat or a diva.
Why on earth would she put SamiJo in that dress? It was hideous and too big. A print cannot amplify the cute of another print if they are both busy. It was way too much and over the top. And to test the hoop skirt on stage? I’m not a pageant mom(yet) and even I know better than that!