If you’re like me, you had a big bowl of buttery popcorn ready to go for the season premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras. Once again, kids scream, noses are picked and moms are the real characters to watch. This episode covers the California Tropic pageant in…wait for it…Arizona.
Guess it’s protocol. My bad.
All of the girls we’ve followed before but now are more “mature.” As if. Kayla, 4, and her mom April are once again working the trampy Shirley Temple routine. Kayla is a little bizzitch, yelling at her mother, coach and threatening to kick some girl’s butt at the pageant. Mom April says she’s not at the pageant to make friends. Don’t worry, you won’t.
Next up is Kayla’s nemesis and potential butt-kicking recipient, Kailia, 5, and her mom Marcy. The last time we saw Kayla and Kailia, Kailia was the one butt-kicking. Marcy talks smack but portrays herself as having better sportsmanship than the other K girl. I’m not sure she’s sincere off-camera.
Finally, we have 10 year old Danielle and mom Tedi. Their tragedy is relying on Miss Muffet Designs for their dress which doesn’t show up in the allotted time and instead has to be couriered 800 miles by dear old dad. When it shows up, the dress is longer in the front than in the back and it is noticeable. So great commercial for your shoddy work and poor timing, Miss Muffet. But don’t worry, the Priscilla Presley hair Danielle is sporting is more distracting in my opinion.
No spoilers here except to say that Outfit of Choice turns into Whores R Us, the emcee is screaming as though he’s calling high school football and forgets he’s wearing a MICROPHONE, and kids pick their noses like it’s the trend that’s replaced Facebook. And 100 people recommend picking!
And to top things off, ALL of the girls get a “Queen” title instead of runner up titles so, as the pageant director says, “They have bragging rights” at the queen level. Because participation awards are something you really, really earn. Full recap coming soon.
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63 Comments
Crap…. I missed it. Looking forward to the replay and better yet your recap!
Danielle did seem a lot more mature this time around. I guess seeing yourself act like a brat everyone wants to slap on national TV was enough to shame her. Too bad it didn’t work on the rest of the kids.
Thanks for the quick update. I’m so glad to have my Wednesday entertainment back.
Danielle’s fall was awful, but her behavior was so much better this time around. Never fear, there’s a never ending supply of pageant brats lining up to play the role of pageant brat.
Paisley, the nose picker from past episodes, has a song on iTunes called The Booger Song. You know you want to buy it.
Word on the street is that T&T can’t film in California anymore which is why you see CA systems going to Arizona and Nevada to film. Our friend tried that system and hated it, they don’t usually do glitz pageants, or even beauty, they do swimsuit pageants in malls.
Welcome back DC! I think the screamer man is using pageant announcing in order to secure himself a job as the official Shambrow pitchman.
Welcome back everyone. The K girls were brats and so were their moms. My husband said that Kaya has suspicious bruises on the inside of her arms lie she has been grabbed too hard. I hope not.
is Kailia the biological daughter of the dark haired lady who was shown holding her in her lap? K looks. Othing like Kelly and exactly like the other woman…
danieles hair was HORRIBLE!!
I’m so embarrassed. It seems that the WalMart near where we are vacationing closes at 9:00 (who knew, right?) and when the manager ordered, and not in a very nice tone, to leave, I explained my plight. Besides, they don’t REALLY empty the store because somebody has to clean and stock the shelves for the next day.
Well, the upshot is that security escorted me out, rather rudely I might add, and I was taken to the station, but avoided a disturbing the peace charge by using the KM logical argument I have learned lately through the ‘Gasm.
Sooooooooo I missed the epi. I enjoyed your minicap, DearC and am eagerly awaiting the fullcap.
Never watch T&T after a few glasses of wine if you want to be snarky. For some reason Kayla was hilarious last night(yes I did note what a brat she was), my red colored glasses allowed me to ignore her rudeness. Kailia had me in stitches as well, her antics gave me so many laugh out loud moments. Nothing could cloud the fact of Danielle’s dress being too long or that weird hair. How could you not laugh when Kayla said she wanted her crackers to be the judges(once again I do realize she was a little annoying snot up until the 3 seconds before the scene)?
Welcome back DC
I kind of hate myself for how much I was looking forward to “The Return of the Nose-Picking Toddlers and their Delusional Mothers in the Quest for the Holy Tiaras.” I was a little bummed that Ni-Ni and Eden Wood have moved on to the Next Big Thing in this kind of career, but the K girls did not disappoint. Tantrums! Snottiness! Instant transformation at performance time! Danielle was kind of a nice surprise. She and her mama obviously watched and learned from last season, and I thought she handled herself well (though the hairdo came straight out of the “Drop Dead Gorgeous” school of unintentional humor.) Most of all, Dear Crabby, I have looked forward to your commentaries. You ARE the Poet Laureatte of Snark!
Crap! I totally didn’t know this was coming back and I’m on vacation. My DVR better have picked this up!
Well, Cleve @12, if you are away from your tv, don’t try to watch it at WalMart.
DearC, thanks to you and your loyal and devoted following, it would seem that the nutcase Moms and/or TLC have ramped up the outrageous behavior. It started out to be so unself-conscious, but now it seems that they go right for the snottiest nose pickers and the delusionalest moms.
Good job!
Damn, I missed it but I have to check the PVR to see if it caught it. But ladies I have news….On my facebook page there popped up an ad for a “kids beauty pageant” here in Alberta. I blink and hit the wrong key and when I went to find it again for details it was gone. I’m still digging to find it
Might have to crash it and see what is going on.
That picture is sheer genius, DearCrabby. Did you find it especially for this minicap, or has it been lurking on your hard drive awaiting the perfect occasion? Eagerly awaiting the full recap.
@BedHeadJen, I think you’re exactly correct — he wants to pitch NEW and EXCITING products! But wait! Call right now and he’ll DOUBLE the offer! Not one, but TWO whiny, petulant, uncooperative, self-absorbed little brats with equally delusional mothers!
@snowshoecat, so sorry to hear that your vacation has even MORE glitches! Hope everything evens out and you and hubbycat enjoy the rest of your away time, then get home safe and sound.
Thank you, Peg. At least they took me at my word when I explained that I had fully intended to pay for the jumbo-sized bag of Blazin’ Buffalo &Ranch Doritos. By the time I had dragged the chair over from furniture and got the channel set, I hadn’t had time to open the chips. I suppose they were going to get all shirty over that too.
I am so boycotting WalMart.
Honey Boo-Boo Alana is getting her own show..I truly hope someone recaps that mess!!!
SSC, try Target next time, they seem to not be as strict as Wal-mart
@Peg-Just pay separate shipping and handling!
@SSC-Sorry about your vacation, but just think, you may end up a star in the next People of Walmart book!
Did anyone catch the show after T&T? It was a Cheer gym full of past T&T contestants and their birthbitches.
i really, really wanted both kayla and kailia to walk away with nothing based entirely on their mothers, which is pretty sad as a general statement, but then again, the little girls were just bitches-in-training, so they’ll earn scorn on their own soon enough, unless they run away and join the circus while they can still save themselves. i especially hated kailia’s mom BECAUSE she was so rude about a girl almost two years younger than her daughter (hey, the kid was the one who pointed out the “and a half”) not being “competition” and then saying other mothers exhibited “bad sportsmanship.” and that comment about “by being sweet to the other girls” was the kicker.
i do think danielle was less annoying than the last time we saw her, and, to be honest, fairly mature for her age. i do think she’s headed for an eating disorder or substance abuse if she continues being so hard on herself, which is too bad, because i don’t think she’s a bad kid, and i don’t think her mother is too bad, either … hell, my mother was far more demanding on me than danielle’s mother seems to be on her. girl just needs to calm down … not sure that’s going to happen, though.
i was actually kind of disappointed that this is what we were waiting for, but i’m looking forward to the full recap … it usually helps make the more boring episodes worth watching.
@BedHeadJen – I did catch that cheer show. I think almost all of those girls/moms have been on T&T (maybe not the spine fracture girl). Those people are nuts. I wonder if there will be a recap.
Wow BedHJ I never thought of that. Hope they got my “good” side. But at least I was wearing clean underwear like Mom always said.
So excited to have T&T and DC back! First of all, Kayla was at a pageant lesson for TWO HOURS?? Who does that?? Seems like Mom and Granny dropped the brat off and ran for the nearest bar (not that I blame them).
@Whestet (6) – I believe that Kailia’s dad is Hawaiian if I am remembering correctly. Also, wasn’t there a brother (not the one shown, this one was brunette, too) that competed originally?
@Snowshoe – Hope you at least were able to snag a few cases of Little Debbies and boxes o’ wine on your way out!!
Yeah, little Danielle was alittle better in this episode, and she isn’t Ten years old. She is eleven. Also, I might ADD that she treats other Children like crap. Has no friends and needs to get out of the “I am everything” attitude. THERAPY is needed for this poor little girl who thinks “looks” will get you everything. good luck in middle school Missy…..Since the Show is Toddlers and Tiaras, not Strippers and Tiaras…Oh, and she is Eleven.. Not Two. & Tedi, you need WeightWatchers.
Toddlers & Tiaras crossed with Dance Moms = Cheer Perfection. This show looked like some Frankenstein monster. The moms are nastier, the coach is even more vicious, and many of the contestants would take a world of Glitz to be called “pretty.” I did catch that, but was painting the inside of a closet and listening to it most the time, so didn’t realize there were several past T&T people. I DID think that the little girl who said she was going to drop the other girls on purpose if she felt like it had been on T&T, but missed her name. Recognized the personality.
WooHoo! The gang is all back!! I have both T&T and Cheer Perfection or what ever it is called on the DVR to watch tonight!!! MR Z is finally home, and well, he hates T&T! Almost just as much as he hates the RH shows…although he is the one that got me started on OC…but that is another story!
Snow-What?!? A Wal-mart that closes?!?!? WTF is that? Ours is open 24 hours! That place is batshit! We went in for a plastic kiddie pool and walked out an hour later because the old lady in the garden department couldn’t figure out the sales sitcker on a paito set!
So glad everyone is back! I saw Beth posted on FB that Gabby’s beauty dress is for sale!!!
I’d thrown down some money just to have that hanging on my wall!
Off to watch this epi, then will comment more later..been an busy bee the past few weeks. We are having a small bbq this weekend to welcome the hubby back…
Well it is offical here is the posting I found on FB regarding the pageant thta is coming to my area. Might just have to go and see what happens.
Join us for our Tropical Treasures Pageant July 22, 2012
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Albertas-Beauties-Cuties-Pageants/164524556968293
Alberta’s Beauties & Cuties Pageants
Alberta’s Beauties & Cuties gives every contestant a chance to shine on stage, build confidence, meet new friends and most important have fun
Well, buggy, we are in the boonies here. The only convenience store is a 6/10.
I am so so happy that Mr. Z is home safe and sound. Now tell him to be a good boy and follow hubbycat’s example and find something to do in another room while T&T is on! I can actually HEAR him rolling his eyes.
But it is good to have the gang back for snarking and chowin’ down on the Little Debbies. Good times!!
Yes, he usually walks out of the room when I watch “mindless” tv. He has his shows on the dvr and I have mine. Today he had to go back to work after being off since monday. He asked me what I was going to do, and I told him I was going to watch “shitty” tv. His respose was, well just don’t break it!!
I was going to plant some more flowers, but since they are painting our building this week, I don’t what the flowers to die! Enjoy the rest of your vacay
The emcee is trying to hard to be the sham-wow guy.
I have missed this hot mess! And now I am gonna have to add another hour of hot mess to my dvr with Alana getting her own show… complete with road kill bbq and a pregnant teen!
Yay – it’s back! Can’t wait to watch and chat with y’all again!
Me too, chickie! One thing about T&T, it is so unifying. Even though I was blessed with boys, I can still feel superior knowing deep down that I would never spray tan, yank the hair on tender scalps or feed Pixie Stix to my future pole dancer. As can we all.
So let us hold our superior heads up, Gasmii, and join the incomparable DearC in piling all the snark we can on the Delusia!!!
Yay us!
my daughter is 6 and i have waxed her eyebrows, upper lip and bikini line since she was 3.
SSC-That was a better speech than the best man gave at my wedding. Cheers!
Buggs-Glad Mr. Z made it home safe!
Is someone recapping the Cheer Perfection show because that shit was GOLDEN & I want to throw down over that one! Everybody in the allstar cheer world were up in arms over how it was portrayed & saying that’s not a true representation but sadly, It Absolutely Was! It was more white trashy than most gyms but the drama is par for the course. I won’t highjack these minicap comments with my snark I am bursting at the seems to share but I will follow the lead if someone else cares to
I’m hoping it’s not just a one of & they show all the episodes they actually shot because those beeyotches were on fire! I knew when they said it was those Perfection bitches that this shit would be amazingly horrible & it was! Bonnie the head snapping pageant director & Ann the queen bitch cheer mom earned every bit of air time they got!
I loved/hated cheer perfection! I’m actually a cheerleader (in college) I never cheered at a gym cause I started in high school and maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t. Those moms were as crazy as they were on toddlers and tiaras especially Torran’s mom. And omg how could she drop a flyer and not get punished? As a flyer if a base ever dropped me because she wanted to I would punch her in the face. It takes a lot of trust to stunt properly and I would never trust her with my life again! That girl needs some discipline in her life and sadly her mother is too busy trying to run the other moms instead of her daughter.
Some of the moms seemed like they wanted this more than their daughters but isn’t that how it always is? Someone needs to recap this show!
Wow, what a great episode, can’t wait for the full cap! Let me say I felt a bit of Deja Vu watching this one and thinking back to a certain episode which shall remain unmentioned and the “rivalry” Let’s just saw that Kailia and her mom need to take a few steps back and watch a few episodes and I can see the future of that child.
Yes, I did list Gabby’s dress, we’ll see if I get a nibble on it, bittersweet but she has grown out of it!
Fancyfeast, I so want to hear more about that cheerleading show that I missed. Recap on facebook? Get Flip to let you recap it? I’m down three lives with curiosity!
Who was Kailia’s coach? I’ve seen her on something before, and it’s driving me crazy.
What the heck was up with Danielle’s hair?! It was just ridiculous. She is a very pretty girl though. She looks like a brunette Taylor Swift.
That little Shirley Temple thing is old news. Totally inappropriate and kinda gross, but still old news.
@Msjacqmills…Miss Cambree was Kailia’s coach. She’s been on several other episodes as the coach of some good pageant girls that likes to strip & hair and makeup artist. She actually wins a lot and her group is very good but they tend to have a lot of routines where they’re stripping off a piece of their clothing.
@snowshoecat..Great minds think alike because I would flove to recap that show. I actually did a recap for my cheer fam and they loved it. I’ll email it to you if you want a laugh!
Think I should submit it for review? I was considering that but I don’t do well with rejection so if it’s declared crap and denied my over inflated ego would never recover!
Not only did I miss T & T , I missed the cheer show. Checking TV right now for repeats. Hubby had knee surgery Monday and took over the TV.
Oh, how I have missed these recaps! I agree– I expected to hate Danielle, since I wanted to throttle her last time, but I actually found her to be fairly lileable and mature this time. The dress issue, I think she handled well, and she handled winning grand (rather than ultimate) with grace. I hated her cherry routine, and her hair was weird, but the kid herself, and even her mom, was better than I had expected. Kailia’s mom and Kayla’s mom both need to chill out, and kayla’s mom needs to get on top of that child’s bratty-ass behaviour PRONTO. It is NOT okay for your 4 year old to be announcing she will “kick” someone’s “butt”. It isn’t cute– it’s rude. I didn’t mind kailia too much, but her mom needs to consider switching to decaf.
@pageant-grandma — unfortunately, I’m pretty sure Kayla’s mom was actually encouraging/egging her on for that butt-kicking’ comment.
Is Cheer Perfection a series or a special? My DVR says no series
I am Told it is to be a series. Coaches Alicia and R.D. Will be recognized as the parents of cassadee from the crown beauties episode of T&T last season. Bonnie (mom to Alana) was the director of both that and the “glitzy divas” episode. Torrann mom Ann) was on the c.b. states episode.
Confused – there’s another one too
http://www.princesspageants.ca
I’m actually thinking for an april fool’s day prank on my family I might tart my little 2 year old up and have my photographer friend take some pagent pictures!
@pg it sounded like the mom was prompting her to say she was going to kick Kailias butt at the start. Not nice at all!
Previews for next week look interesting, ready for full recap of this weeks!! Kid doing MJ looked like she knew her stuff! So glad it’s back on!
Zedd- If you do it, could you wear a Snarkle Baby tee shirt?!!
Kayla’s “Shirley temple” routine wasn’t any less disturbing this time than it was the last– there is something truly frightening about a 3-4 year old knowing how to “booty pop ” like that. Kailia’s ooc was cute , but confusing. Probably would have been better if we heard the real music. At least she left her clothes on. I hated Danielle’s cherry routine. It would have been okay if she was 3, but by 10, I’d have expected far more.
That little girl booty popped more than I do after a few shots of thebgood stuff … That’s baaad lol
None of them won Queen. They all won supreme titles.
All winning supreme is just away to keep everyone coming to her pageants!! A lot of the moms I promise never will realize even tho they got a supreme their kid got last place! So since it’s first/only supreme win for kid they will enter every pageant this director has…. Pretty genius on directors part!
Oohh Zedd, watch out — I bet every single one of us had zero intention of regularly watching this show when we first took a peek at it to see what it was all about. Same thing with that pageant in your town –it’ll start out ironic and April Fools-ish but you’ll be waxing and tanning with the best of them before you know it. Tell us if you start carrying go-go juice around in your bag or find yourself purchasing a baseball bat — there must be support groups out there!
Things I swore I’d never do: be a pageant grandma. Well, okay, we’ll do 1. She’ll hate it, she’ll lose, and we’ll never do it again. A year later…. Lol. No makeup, no fake hair, no spray tan!! Pageant 2, makeup. Not a lot, but some for sure. Pageant 6, and the hairpiece was in. We still haven’t spray tanned…. No pixie stix. Yep, that wet out about pageant 10. She has a coach, she has the creepy glitz photos. That first “joke pageant” is like a gateway drug, I swear!!! Lol.
Could that photoshopped picture of the Queen be removed please.
@Dear Crabby
It’s considered super disrespectful by everybody’s stuck up UK relatives to show pics of the Queen picking her nose like that.
Here’s a more dignified 1 of her picking it with her crown on.
@ kthxbai – hahahaha! Good one…I know, I got this comment and I’m like, seriously? Next time, I’m posting Kate’s nips.
Hey @ Dear Crabby, why not? Everybody else seems to have already done it.