The storm is coming, people. T&T spinoffs never stop giving.
We’re getting back in our groove with this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras…drama, idiots and the bastardization of the English language, just like we like. And Tonya with Bailey’s Pageants and the Miss Mardi Gras pageant! Loving the long hair, Tonya!
First up is Tori who is playing with some kind of farting toy and she keeps saying, “I’m gassy and I work out.” Me too! Her mom is the mom to hate in this episode. She says things like she’s some sort of philosopher and she just sounds like an ignorant hilljack. In addition, she has a huge ego about her daughter, and says that the uglier the kid, the prettier the dress has to be to make up for how ugly the kid is. Yuuuup. The dress for her soul must be GORGEOUS.
Never a T&T episode without the appearance of an ATV, we meet Jasmine as she’s driving around flirting with death. This episode, she’s the kid to hate. She is arrogant and says she’s a “diva bomb explosion” onstage. What makes it worse is her mom and aunt are totally creating this monster. I mean, little bitch says, “I love me more than anyone else loves me.” That is because no one else can STAND YOU.
Finally, we meet our unfortunate name of the episode, Amiya, who was put in pageants to help her shynees. Now she dresses as a slutty cop as mom tells us they didn’t come here to lose. Yes, because pimping your daughter out to pedophiles is the way to win.
So catastrophe occurs when Tori gets Dane Dane to royally f#ck up her hair (she must have studied at the Fransolonely Cutabitch School of Hating Pageant Girls) and when Jasmine’s music suddenly stops during her routine. Nothing like a little technical foul to take an arrogant bitch down a notch. However, big props for Tori’s big prop – a float – designed by dad. And no props to f#cking DirecTV/TLC for extending their own commercial so long, we only got to see the end of Tori’s routine (looks like she lives. Meh).
I won’t give away who won but needless to say, some mom ends in tears then gives the other moms advice based on her experience in the last 24 hours. Because she’s just that much of pageant guru. Idiots! And this episode…seems like it might get a mom or two to comment on the recap. Tori’s mom just seems like the type that is going to troll for snark. And this episode is a gold mine, believe me.
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