MiniCap: Toddlers & Tiaras

Toddlers and Tiaras

By DearCrabby | Thursday, September 15, 2011 | 12:17 pm | 34 Comments

SaneOh yeah, she’s sane.

Hey Gasmii – I am going to keep this short because I am at a conference and it is imperative that I rush mints and water to our booth so our sales people can help keep me in a  job!  And in all honesty, I watched this show after a networking event and a delicious but late Legal Seafoods dinner, so the first time I fell asleep in the middle and the second time – watching it at midnight – I fell asleep in the last five minutes.  I really need to get my priorities straight.

First up in the Fresh Faces of Missouri pageant, one for “facially gifted” children, we meet 6 year old Paige who I need to tell you is another kid we are following who I think has some serious social and perhaps mental issues – I’m not kidding.  Something seems stereotypically serial killer-ish about her.  She is a grouch, yells when she talks (and she’s 6 so shouldn’t she be past that whole not understanding volume thing) and she has a funny lisp or something – which, I know lots of kids do at that age but this seemed like the perfect storm of weird.  Her mom Candace is no prize and her poor pageant coach is just cashing the checks – Paige hates to practice and it shows.

Next up is Sydney who sort of reminds me of Queen in both her arrogance, determination and holy shit – her acrobatics/gymnastics/cheerleading aptitude.  That kids is AMAZING in her routines and when I watched her my back started to hurt she was flipping around much!  Kid knew her stuff.  Sadly, her mother actually tells us that she’s not a “crazy” pageant mom, she’s and “INSANE ONE!” then she laughs the cackle-y witch laugh that makes us realize she’s right when she says she needs a therapist and meds.  NUTCASE.  Oh, and she also makes a lot of racists jokes and has a baby doll that is so real when they leave it in the car they’ve had the cops called on them – and they  think that is funny.  Excellent.

Finally, we meet Sydney’s big rival  Madison whose mother has taken a back seat to pageants while her best friend and the BFF’s mother put her kid in pageants.  Did anyone else find this situation sort of creepy?  She’s good but not as polished as Sydney .  They are pretty hard on her and I’m wondering if they are paying for everything too.  It’s funny to see these women and Sydney’s mom semi-fight while their daughters are being made up by the same makeup/hair person.  Madison’s family bring the makeup artist apples and Sydney’s mom doesn’t want her giving Madison special treatment.  For apples?  Try cash.  Also, you are all tanks so eating apples might be a good idea.

SPOILER ALERT!  Now I did see Paige win princess and her mom get bummed out about it, but I didn’t see the other girls win their respective crowns – both won Grand Supreme for their age group (Madison in one, Sydney in the other) but neither won the Ultimate Grand Supreme Meat Lovers prize.  Again, I was snoring when this happened so I don’t know how they took it, but neither of them were really all that bitchy so I’m guessing okay.  Moms/Females involved?  Maybe not so well.  And totally nuts.

A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

34 Comments

  1. 1
    S-Natch Didi32
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    This was definitely the episode of the orthodontically challenged! Madison has braces already but will likely need surgery to repair her undergrown lower jaw, while Sydney has the opposite problem. Paige, well, I hope her parents are saving some $$ for all the dental care! Sydney was not a bad kid at all, and was extremely gracious about losing out on the Ultimate Grand Supreme, while poor Madison was ragged out about it by all her “support” team. Hysterical irony at the end when, one again, a mom (Paige’s) talks about how much her daughter loves pageants only to have the kid say they are boring and she wants to go home!

  2. 2
    s-k-s
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Thought this was funny – Eden Woods is apparently modelling at some fashion week show for toddlers (ugh) and gave an “interview”: http://www.eonline.com/news/hwood_party_girl/toddlers_tiaras_eden_wood_loves_selena/263989

  3. 3
    pageantmama
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Did you notice that Sydney looks a lot like Micheal Jackson? She is beautiful but she resembles him a lot after his surgeries. Especially when you see her from the side and see the profile of her nose.

  4. 4
    JHall
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Wow!! I thought the same about Sydney……

  5. 5
    Wilma Fengherdu
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    “Also, you are all tanks so eating apples might be a good idea” – aaahahahahaaa!!! I love you most, DearCrabby, when you are crabby!

    Hey, Paige’s Mom – LET…IT…GO. Please find some other “hobby” your daughter can do that doesn’t require having a personality, I dunno, like welding or something (No offense to jovial, likeable welders).

  6. 6
    Alice
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    What? Legal Seafoods? LEGAL SEAFOODS? I live in the freakin’ midwest and can’t hop over to Cambridge or DC and bury my face in their Bluefish Pate (nobody wants to eat with me)NEARLY as much as I’d like. Oh, God. Bluefish Pate. Hell, ANYTHING from Legal Seafoods. I came here ready to be all snarky about that pathetic Paige…and now I have to go see if I have some Mrs. Pauls’ fish sticks or something in the freezer, damn it.

  7. 7
    laughing mom
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Lol, Sydney’s mom is on the pageant boards on a rampage because evidently more then one person noticed her DD looks like Micheal Jackson. She is trying to say it is the same person posting it everywhere even though there are multiple people saying it. I guess she thinks one person is posting and posing as multiple people because God forbid anyone say anything bad about her precious. Some people are not even saying she is ugly, they are saying she is beautiful and that Micheal Jackson paid a lot to look like that and how she has natural beauty he could not buy, lol. But she is all insulted by it.

  8. 8
    Cindy
    Posted September 16, 2011 at 8:52 am

    I thought this was a good episode. Sydney’s mom was obvious in her joking. I also thought Sydney had a great answer at the end about not winning. What kills me is they were complaining about this show on another board with a big ad of “kick ass 2″ on the sidebar with the 12 yr old kid. This show looks SO obvious is is edited all over the place for ratings.

  9. 9
    T&tjunky
    Posted September 16, 2011 at 9:50 am

    I was very impressed with how gracious Sydney was. She should totally be friends with Queen, and the girl from this season who thanked the judges after her win. They all seem like sweet girls who are in pageants because they want to be. Maddie too.

  10. 10
    Fan-Ann
    Posted September 16, 2011 at 10:53 am

    @laughing mom, Sydney’s mom needs to get over it. Sydney is a beautiful girl who naturally has the cute upturned nose that MJ paid a fortune to try to achieve. What I liked about this episode was that both Sydney and Madison were old enough to make their own decisions about participating in pageants. Also, Sydney was one of the very few girls we have ever seen who had a true sport. Her gymnastics were fantastic. Unfortunately, her mother seems completely insane.

  11. 11
    PugLuvr32
    Posted September 16, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    I agree, Sydney is AMAZING at gymnastics and tumbling. She’s also really good at pageants and I can really tell she loves it. I feel bad for her though, Mom is beyond nuts. That baby doll thing is incredibly wrong and CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY. Paige was cute but she’s gonna need braces for a looooooonggg time. And she doesn’t really like pageants, I could tell. Madison was really pretty and that dress WAS one of the most gorgeous I’ve seen. I still think Sydney should’ve taken the Ultimate, that’s just me. I can’t wait to see her at the Olympics for gymnastics!!!!
    Thank you, Crabby, I did, too, think that Madison’s mom’s BFF stuff was pretty weird. And a bit sad?

  12. 12
    happymom
    Posted September 16, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    I thought Sydney looked like M.J., too.

    I don’t doubt for a minute that Madison’s adopted relatives are footing a large percentage of, if not all of, the bill.

  13. 13
    Jenny
    Posted September 16, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Sydney’s mama is so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Her mama is so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling, Free Willy! Sydney’s mama is so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower. Her mama is so nasty she made Right Guard turn left. Her mama is so old her birth certificate says “expired” on it. Sydney’s mama is so big it shows up on radar. Her mama is so lazy, she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.

  14. 14
    fancyface
    Posted September 17, 2011 at 1:07 am

    ^^^^^??? Ummmm..did I log into the wrong site or did someone’s 8 year old hijack their computer & mistook this comment section for a ‘Yo Mamma’ board? Seriously Jenny?!? I had a profound comment but that flew out the window after I read your ridiculous, elementary rant. It’s not funny & you sound very childish or maybe you’re just a bitter pageant mom who’s daughter got her ass handed to her by multi-talented Sydney. Go take a nap little girl or I will tell your mother on you!

    Anyway…as you can tell, I am a huge Sydney fan & I loved her wacky mom! Can’t wait for the full recap so we can really get into the epi.

  15. 15
    georgiababe
    Posted September 17, 2011 at 2:08 am

    I actually thought Sydney looked a lot like Alison Iraheta (crazy red hair, she came in 4th on American Idol 8). She’s got the same nose and even the same smile, although of course, Alison is Latina. Not an insult by any means either, I think Alison Iraheta is adorable. Not to mention that Sydney is talented, well-behaved, personable onstage and obviously loves what she’s doing. Mom might be crazy, but the kid is great.

    Paige’s mother is clearly deluded, I don’t understand how she can’t see that her kid hates pageants. Some of these mothers are just ridiculously self-absorbed.

  16. 16
    bre
    Posted September 17, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    @fancyface – I thought the same thing about “Jenny!” Is it 1983 again already??

  17. 17
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted September 17, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Sydney and her mom making memories in Wal-Mart with the imitation baby was a kind of sweet wacky thing that they share having fun with.

    What impressed me most was that she calls the less charming stuff her mom does “embarrassing herself,” because most girls her age would say she was embarrassing THEM.

    But I still bet she does a lot of editing and filtering before she brings her little friends home.

    I think they put the miserable little blonde girl in there just for contrast with the ones who were so into it.

    She and the battered 2 year old from last week remind me of those stories from bygone times about how they used to tie toddlers to the machines at the cotton mill.

    As an industry, it must be making more money for somebody than I ever thought, because if it wasn’t, radaronline and places would have follow up stories about how some of those moms got busted by child protective services.

    kthxbai

  18. 18
    Fan-Ann
    Posted September 18, 2011 at 11:29 am

    @kthxbai, unfortunately as Sydney goes into her teenage years her mother will probably embarrass her horribly. Things that are funny family jokes are not so funny when exposed on national tv and when other kids tease about your crazy mom. Also, if I had a daughter who was Sydney’s friend, I would encourage my child to invite Sydney over, instead of being at the crazy house.

  19. 19
    Jami
    Posted September 18, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    What is a good PAGEANT BOARD site that I can go to for humor?

  20. 20
    Gray22
    Posted September 18, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Prior to the 2011 T&T season my favs include Taralyn, Brooklyn B & Brenna. This season I have added Queen to my fav list. However, it is my belief that no one parallels the talent, beauty and personality of Sydney. She is absolutely amazing!

  21. 21
    Gray22
    Posted September 18, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Addionally, I’d like 2 say “kudos” 2 Sydney’s mother 4 raising such a polite, candid, generous, talented and poised young lady. I think she deserves credit 4 Sydneys success instead of insults!

  22. 22
    Gray22
    Posted September 18, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Lastly, I’ve met a few nutty people t/o my life. Most lack the ability to recognize they have a prob let alone admit it 2 the world. Get a sense of humor & lighten up folks! Besides, u oughta b ashamed 4 ur ruthlessness 2ward the mentally ill!

  23. 23
    bre
    Posted September 18, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    Does it really take that much longer to type like a literate adult?

  24. 24
    Robin Robinez
    Posted September 18, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    @jami, Sure, no problem.

    http://WWW.ifyoudontlikewhatyouseeheregoogleisyourfriend.com

  25. 25
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 4:41 am

    Sydney’s mom isn’t THAT crazy. She just knows exactly what the T&T editors want in a pageant mom.

  26. 26
    rubinia
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 8:21 am

    I actually LOL’d at Jenny’s “Yo Mama” jokes. The baby doll thing is suuuper creepy.

  27. 27
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 8:37 am

    Right Rubinia who doesn’t like a good 80′s reference

  28. 28
    happymom
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 8:42 am

    I agree, totally, Bre…that type of spelling is a huge pet peeve of mine!

  29. 29
    l.e.boe
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Sydeny’s mom is weird and crazy, but she seems to be weird and crazy in a good way. He children appear to be well adjusted, polite and intelligent. Personally I think she is just trying too hard to fit in with her kids. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt that the police being called to rescue the doll from their van was an unfortunate accident? I would still take this crazy mom any day over the abusive moms that belong to Brystol and Paige. But really…. can we expect any mother that lets her daughter enter a ‘beauty pageant’ normal?? We need to lower our standards people!!

  30. 30
    Jami
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Thanks Robinez!

  31. 31
    Jami
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Wait! It didn’t work! The address was wrong!

  32. 32
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 19, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    HAHA!! Incredible.. *shakes head*

  33. 33
    EH
    Posted September 20, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    Paige, I personally believe, has Asperger’s. Fits a lot of the criteria at least. I hope her mother finds a more suitable and stimulating hobby for the poor child. Pageants just aren’t for her.

    Sydney & the crazy mom were too fun. I loved Sydney’s positive outlook, and I do agree that Mom was playing it up for the T&T crew. I mean, come on, you could tell she was joking when she said something along the lines of “we don’t show butt cracks until age 13 or 14″. They seem like a wholesome, tight-knit family. Sydney’s got a good head on her shoulders; I have great faith that she’ll go far in life.

    Maddy was just…. odd. I didn’t find her particularly attractive or talented. Sure, she cleans up well and is trained well, but she lacks a certain spunk. I’m glad that SHE likes to do pageants (at least she says she does), but I feel like the pseudo-granny & auntie push her a little too much. WTF was up with their passive-aggression towards her?? And I too think it’s super creepy/weird that she’s not their blood relation. All the “home” scenes were shot at some weird studio. And the fake-granny…. whooo’ boy — her daughter “wouldn’t give [her] a grandchild”. There’s more to this story than we’ll ever know!

  34. 34
    happymom
    Posted September 21, 2011 at 3:43 am

    I’ve worked with Asperger’s kids and I don’t think Paige has the disorder; her behaviour in the first interview was odd, but a little too verbose for an Asperger’s kid (unless she’s really high-functioning). Asperger’s did cross my mind in the later scenes, though. There’s definitely something wrong, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.

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