Toddlers & Tiaras Minicap

Toddlers and Tiaras

By DearCrabby | Thursday, December 13, 2012 | 11:34 am | 44 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,

They Mayans were right, the world ended on 12.12.12 at 9pm EST!  It’s the new season of Toddlers & Tiaras and is this a good one!  Lots of screaming and delusional parents.  Let’s get to the minicap of mayhem.

 

Once again Pageant Die-rector Annette Hill is hosting one of her Universal Royalty pageants, this one with a Christmas theme.  I love Christmas and usually by Thanksgiving it looks like Martha Stewart has exploded all over my home.  Seriously, the local utility company loves me because basically I put up a kajillion white lights all over the place.  It’s like my house has the full package!  Luckily, not many of the girls really do at this pageant but per usual it doesn’t affect judging. 

First up is Katlyn who can barely speak and mom Kymberli…there are 5 generations of beauty pageant participants in this family, which is just a level of financial nonsense that would boggle a world-class economist.   They call on Jesus and God a lot to help them through things because s/he has JUST THAT KIND OF TIME, and mom Kymberli just…well, she’s a lot to take.  I mean, I appreciate her enthusiasm, but she talks so much and so fast that I get the feeling she doesn’t realize how ridiculous she really is.  You’d think the blond hair with the dark roots would tell her, but no. 

Next up is our gay weekend dad Chris and his adorable daughter Hailey, who should be in spelling bees instead pageants.  His skin is too tanned, his teeth are too white, and his eyes wink a little too much.  This isn’t Boy Bar, calm down.  Chris has the right idea – Hailey is shy and he wants to help break her out of her shell and help improve her confidence.  And what better way than to have complete strangers judge her on her appearance?  Even worse?  She’s 9 and this is her first pageant…with no coach, no talent and a $4,000 couture dress that really doesn’t look it.  Amateurs! 

Finally is our badly-in-need-of-discipline kid, Ava and mom Monica.  She’s the typical pageant mom in that she’s clueless and doesn’t spank her brat when she is in dire need of it.  She basically caves to whatever Ava wants – she even smacks her big brother around and they do nothing about it (hope he kicks the shit out of her when they aren’t looking).  

Katlyn throws a fit about getting her dress altered, Hailey could not be more afraid of/less interested in this pageant and even calls her dad out for spending money on this dress and not saving for college, and Ava just screams.  Hailey can barely speak to the lady doing her nails who is horrified that she could buy a SMART car and still have money left over for a month’s worth of groceries for what her dress cost.  Chris continues to tell himself Hailey is really excited about the pageant.  Seems like she’d be excited to find out who her REAL dad is, because these two don’t have any parent/child chemistry.  

Pages: 1 2

A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

44 Comments

  1. 1
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Oh, crabby, how I have missed you!!! Can’t wait for the full recap! Also, I am pretty sure hailey’s gay dad was wearing a flipper.

  2. 2
    FancyFace
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Yeah…Hailey had me at “If I had $5000 I would save it. I think it’s college you have to pay for, right?” Lol..Loved Her!! And I agree..she doesn’t belong anywhere near pageants! Also? The producer who asked her dad if he just winked should get a raise!

  3. 3
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Hailey’s lack of enthusiasm was hilarious. Her dad’s smile scared me though, especially combined with all the winking. I thought Karent’s, from RHOM, smile was pretty terrifying but he has her beat.

  4. 4
    Stacey
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Poor Hailey, she did not want to do this but Dad pushed her. I laughed for 5 minutes after her dad said he had been married to Hailey’s mom for 7 years. That guy was freaky scary!

  5. 5
    ellemenop
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    oh lord … this episode couldn’t have been better if they’d tried. i don’t think they had to try very hard t all!

    can’t wait for the full recap!

  6. 6
    icegirl
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Dear Hailey’s Dad,
    Screw you for almost blinding me with your freakishly white teeth.
    Sincerely,
    Icegirl

  7. 7
    ConfusedinCanada
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    ARH! I didn’t know this was back…I have missed you Dear Crabby and all the rest of you :-) Time to go and read the full recap

  8. 8
    Veruca
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Hailey’s dad was wearing a flipper.. he was playing with the damn thing the whole day at that pageant. And that particular dress, if its by the designer I think it is by, is about a 2000 dress, not 4000. Kymberli was a judge at the last UR show with the brother/sister pair. And another judge was Meghan Jones’s mom from season 1.

  9. 9
    talk it then
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    OMG.. that is all I can say!! I watched this crazy train wreck last night. Of course all of them that Annette puts on are. I guess she ran out of 10,000 dollars or there was noone there she could bribe to get at least half of the money back.. LMAO. As far as the little toddler that smacked her brother.. she should have been worn out right there.. not what I call good parenting.. geesh.. some of these parents will never learn. Chris (Haley’s dad.. OMG).. what a gay ass.. yes,, looks like he did have a flipper in. It was NOT about Haley,, it was about him and him finding a male friend on TV. WTH? He has lost it. What a fag! That dress he supposedly bought for $4000.. WHATEVER.. I wouldnt have given a $100 bucks for it. She was too young for a dress like that. He talked about the cupcake dress the other girl had on.. well I am sorry but that is what they wear at that age. That purple thing he picked out was a HOT mess. Cant wait for the full recap!!!

  10. 10
    ellemenop
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    so it WAS a flipper, eh? what … what the … just no. i don’t care how gay he is. my gayest, most queenish friends wouldn’t do show with that thing in their mouth! probably because none of them are anywhere nearly as creepy as closet dad.

  11. 11
    ANTM Fan
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    @talk it then: Thanks for proving, through your use of homophobic slurs, that the people who go on Toddlers and Tiaras aren’t the least classy and clueless people on the planet. Repulsive.

  12. 12
    missV
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Katlyn was absolutely stunning and looked like she was having fun on stage. I thought it was funny her parents borrowed the items from the hotel for her snow globe.

    Hailey’s dad….his teeth were so distracting! He was super creepy! It made me really sad for Hailey when she was crying that she lost because the other girl was prettier than her. And were there really only two girls in her age division? It looked like it from crowning.

  13. 13
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Hailey’s talent presentation was everything.
    When she started up, I was like Yasssssss this is the shit I came to see.

  14. 14
    kdognatl
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Thank you Crabby for calling out no father/daughter chemistry! It was so weird, I was like did he borrow the neighbors kid to get on the show?! And $1000 for alterations!! Can not wait for the full recap.

  15. 15
    wireless
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    I haven’t had time to watch this episode yet, but sounds like it was an… interesting one.

    @ANTM Fan: talk it then = Heather Ryan, Eden Wood’s ex “manager”. What else would you expect from her?

  16. 16
    Chicken Lips
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Now, now. Hailey’s dad isn’t gay, but I heard his boyfriend is.

    You know, I was once a shy red head and my parents didn’t feel the need to bring me out of my shell by putting me in pageants. It’s possible to grow up to be a productive adult member of society even if you are shy. It’s not a bad thing to not have to talk constantly. She seems content just being. And it’s clear she hates pageants so, while it’s terrible that her dad was just living his reality tv dreams through her, hopefully it’s run through his system and he’ll leave her in piece and buy her a book and start a college fund.

  17. 17
    Chicken Lips
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    ugh. Leave her in peace.

  18. 18
    ellemenop
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I kept meaning to point out that I would classify hailey’s dad as more of a “twitcher” than a “winker.” it definitely wasn’t his eye doing all the movement. not even close. his whole face seemed to be on different stages of an acid trip.

    he would probably be more comfortable with himself and thus not as creepy if he just came out. and I would probably like him better.

  19. 19
    StageMom
    Posted December 13, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Was anyone else extremely confused by the gay dad’s ex wife? They had even less chemistry than gay dad and Hailey. As I’m watching them, I’m pondering to myself \Those two had sex?????\. I’m fine with people being as gay as they want to be but he just had my head spinning. I expected her to be way more fab-u-lous but that elf costume was as bad as the rat tail glitz king’s costume from last season. And yes, a girl that age needs to be in a cupcake dress, especially if she hasn’t had the coaching and lessons to pull off a full length dress.

    Crabby, you said everything I said. Why are you spending that much on a dress when your kid hasn’t had any coaching? You really think you are going to win the ultimate grand nacho supreme without coaching or smiling? Dafuq????

    I was so blinded by gay dads flipper, I almost missed the snowglobe made from stolen hotel furnishings and balloons. And Ava got lost in all the crazy trashy gay wonder.

    I missed seeing who won UGS. Anyone catch that?

  20. 20
    ellemenop
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 3:11 am

    guys, I just realized something: did ALL THREE KIDS this episode have normal names without crazy spelling?! I feel robbed. now I know this wasn’t the ultimate grand perfect episode that I’d thought it was.

  21. 21
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 5:11 am

    Ah, but didn’t you know heather Ryan is no longer a “manager”– she is the “ultimate talent mentor!” Whose blog (which nets DOZENS of hits each week!) is available, free of charge, offering such amazing advice as “be crazy, act a fool, and plaster your kid all over fb for some cheap fame!”. Anyone else wanna sign up? Lol. I felt so bad for hailey– she didn’t want to be there, and she was ill-prepared. She really was set up to fail, from the get-go.

  22. 22
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 7:37 am

    “did ALL THREE KIDS this episode have normal names without crazy spelling?!”

    Well…Katlyn’s name could have used an “i” in there.
    That’s the best I’ve got smh, but they made up for the normal names with Hailey’s dad.
    More than made up for it, that man was twenty pounds of crazy in a ten pound bag.

  23. 23
    ellemenop
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 7:59 am

    @chaosbutterfly: i’ve found that katlyn/kaitlyn/caitlin/caitlyn is one of those names that has no real accepted spelling, kind of like hanukkah/chanukkah. i’ve definitely known other katlyns, spelled that way.

  24. 24
    ellemenop
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 8:01 am

    and adult, almost-30-year-old katlyns, might i add, whose mothers didn’t fall prey to the crazy names trend. it’s like meghan or megan. just not mehgyn.

    so, yeah, i feel robbed!

  25. 25
    Pyper
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Oh poor Hailey with cra-cray dad. I couldn’t figure out if his veneers were to big, seemed like talking pained him, but the above posters..kudo’s to you guys for saying it was a flipper…
    I think Hailey looked more like the mom then Mr Lite Brite teeth
    Kaitlyn was too cute and if Ava was my kid, she would have spent the next month in solitary time out.. what a brat

  26. 26
    Lionstigersbearsohmy
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Okay, I have a serious question. Kymberli was a judge last season where Jayla won at Annette’s pageant. Then kymberlis kid enters and wins. And none of the other parents smell a rat here? This doesn’t seem fishy at all?And no, I’m not a jealous pageant mom. I’m a swim mom who spends $1000 a year for club swimming.

  27. 27
    icegirl
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I remember Hailey’s opponent, the other Hailey in a cupcake dress from another episode and her mom was whining that they were going to quit pageants because she lost the UGS to some 18 year old bottle blonde. I guess she never quit.

  28. 28
    Smarlo
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Can you post links here?

    If yes….Snap On Smile! the flipper for adults!

    http://www.snaponsmile.com/

    if not..sorry, I’ll take my spanking!

  29. 29
    Dutchiedevil
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Blegh, I tried to find this episode on youtube… site blocked. Now I’ll just have to wait until it airs here. Whenever the show is on, I come straight to the gasms to see what will happen and to read the recap (again) during the screening.
    DC, please keep recapping ’cause I think you have a true gift for the snark. I only wish we had sites like this, but somehow it still ain’t happening here.

  30. 30
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    UR has a reputation (earned or not, I can’t say– we have never done that system, and don’t intend to) of being a total fix– so it doesn’t come as a surprise that the kid whose mom is a judge would win.

  31. 31
    talk it then
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    ANTM Fan
    I am only stating the fact, if you dont like it then dont read. However I have many gay friends, love them to death and THEY have never acted the way he acted. That was so fake and ridicoulous. He is giving them a bad name. All that twitching, winking, fake smiling and then did something with his cheek or jaw that was infuritating. UGH.. really? What really made me go off to tell you the truth is Haley had no desire and could careless about doing a pageant. I cannot stand it when these parents make their kids do this when they dont want to. It drives me insane.. It was all about him .. who could not see that. THe child is brilliant.. if she had $4000 she would put it on college!! Smart kid !! He just really got under my skin.
    @wireless.. LMAO.. now thats some funny shit!! Me, HR.. not a chance.. I know her but I am NOT the mentor by no means. Nice try though. I wouldn’t have been that stupid to fall for anything MW would have thrown my way. I have much more sense than that.

  32. 32
    icegirl
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    @Pageant Grandma your theory about UR being fixed because parents are judges makes sense. I have visited the UR website a few times and it looks like Meaghan Jones has won a crapload of titles including the 10 grand National pageant prize. Her mom was a judge in last night’s episode.

  33. 33
    Pageant-grandma
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Now, mind you, ask the parent of any child who doesn’t win, and they are likely to scream it was fixed, and as I have said, we have never done the system and I hate to pass judgement based on rumors. BUT when you hear it more often than you hear otherwise, it merits consideration.

  34. 34
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    I was a victim of UR fixing a pageant and I CAN PROVE IT. Annette Hill interfered with ICE when my Sudanese Pageant Child was entering the U.S. I’d paid almost $25,000 to adopt a Sudanese orphan, and threw in a tidy bonus so that the adoption agency would “pick me out a good-looking one” so I could take him/her to all the pageants and CLEAN HOUSE, baby. But I got a little mouthy about my plans here on TVGasm, and Annette must have been reading. I drove all the way to Miami to pick up my Pageant Child, only to be told by Immigration that my child was impounded! Then they shipped him/her back to the Sudan! (I never figured out if my Pageant Child was a boy or a girl. Those crazy foreign names, who can tell??) Anyway, it had Annette Hill written all over it. She was threatened by the facial giftedness of my Sudanese Pageant Child, I tell you!!! UR never even gave me a chance to compete!!!!

  35. 35
    FancyFace
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    “I was a victim of UR fixing a pageant and I CAN PROVE IT. Annette Hill interfered with ICE…”

    This on the 1st page made me click on the link & follow the madness & I thank you for it NotWithout! LMBO! I thought we’d hit the CPM mother load with that one!

  36. 36
    KJN KJN
    Posted December 14, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    @NWMT Thank you for the laugh. I needed that. :)

  37. 37
    Veruca
    Posted December 15, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Technically.. the pageant that Kymberli judged happened AFTER the one shown last night. Last nights was filmed in December of 2011… the one Kymberli judged happened in March of THIS year. TnT doesn’t always go in chrono order.

  38. 38
    ellemenop
    Posted December 15, 2012 at 7:33 am

    @smarlo (28) — i won’t lie; i strongly considered having a flipper made for my wedding, but that’s because i have a small gap at the top of my front teeth, that, while not totally distracting, is still annoying to see in closer-up pictures. i would never wear one to pretty much anything else, much less try to talk in one, but i do kind of regret not having one for pictures.

  39. 39
    Zedd
    Posted December 16, 2012 at 8:52 am

    I agree with the parent/child chemistry. It was totally lacking with Hailey and her dad and they really didn’t even look alike at all. He seemed more of babysitter or someone that’s paid to be there you know? Like just didn’t care what she thought at all. It was kind of sad and I hope she grows past all this stupidness!

  40. 40
    nelliebelle1197
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 6:38 am

    @talk it then
    Your use of homophobic slurs is not acceptable around here. I don’t know if you are new or what, but you have no business using language like that on here. Period.

    I am sure you have plenty of gay friends like all the racists have a black friend.

  41. 41
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 7:33 am

    @NWMTV, I feel your pain.

  42. 42
    talk it then
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 7:49 am

    @nelliebelle1197
    New? No, been around here long time. What I said you are taking out of context and my comments are the least bit worried about as to some of the comments I have seen on here. They are a whole lot worse than that. Please dont start talking about Race on here. Be careful honey, you never know who or what is posting on here. Again, I have nothing against gay people if you would have read that correctly. However, Chris is fake and I will say it to whomever. That poor girl or daughter of his is having to suffer because of the way he is acting. He is the one I have a problem with!! Not gay people in general… even if he is not gay the way he was acting was infuritating!! I think I can comment just like everyone else on here and dont need you to tell me how or when to do it. Its all free speech on here the last time I checked. Mine was very calm to what I have seen on here in the past!!

  43. 43
    nelliebelle1197
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 8:16 am

    That comment was offensive and I have no problem telling you that. What other people say has zero relevance to the fact that you made a homophobic slur. Just admit it and move on. Quit trying to justify it. The right to “free speech” has nothing to do with you using using a slur. The right to free speech has to do with the government limiting certain protected forms of expression, not your “right” to use such language and not get called out for it.

  44. 44
    talk it then
    Posted December 18, 2012 at 11:14 am

    I really dont give a rats a** about what you say or think. Everyone comes on here and says what they want, how they want and when they want and I have every right to do the same. Sorry if you dont approve or dont like, dont read it is all I can tell ya. Again, I have seen much worse on here. Take a chill pill and move on. That comment has long been forgotten.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.